Original subtitles

One, two, three. Up, up, up, up, up.

Okay, shifting-- right, right, right.

Are you shuffling?

Shuffle, small steps, small steps.

- Back it up, back it up. - And easy, easy.

both: Down, down, down, down, down, down.

- Okay. - Ah!

- Whoo! - Yes!

Yes!

- Yee-haw! - Oh, it looks so good.

So much more space for my new custom desk.

Oh, that was so nice of Takoda to make you a desk.

Yeah, I think he feels bad

because his daughter's school project made me have a meltdown

in front of sixth graders

and also question my life choices.

So what's this desk going to look like?

Well, I told Takoda

that it needs to be full of possibilities.

You know, time to take control of my life back.

My first desk had an ashtray.

Oh, man, I already sent Takoda my mood board.

Anyway, thank you guys for your help.

You bet.

And it's toning my arms.

Oh, no, I love a life refresh.

Isabella, we should dye your hair.

Fun!

But, no, my hair is perfect.

Okay, um...

keep or purge

or give to Gabby?

I bought that lamp for Gracie.

- Aww, I didn't know that. - Yeah.

Chuck it.

Ooh. Oh.

This is 100% cotton, huh?

This is definitely give to Gabby.

Oh, wow, uh, my Stanford sweatshirt.

Mm-hmm. Oh, that's a keeper.

Getting in was a huge accomplishment.

No, no, Gabby, it's yours.

No, that is in the past,

and I am looking towards the future.

Score!

Red is definitely my color,

right after fuchsia and burnt umber.

Hmm.

Hey, guys, what do you say we take a little break?

Sure thing.

And don't purge anything in the fuchsia family

until I get back.

You okay?

We can trade the lamp in, get your sweatshirt back.

It's silly.

It reminded me how fun school was.

School?

Oh, that thing you got to get through to get to recess?

I'm weird, I know.

But I loved it.

You know, pop quizzes, dry-erase boards,

raising your hand.

You just can't do that in the real world.

I'm sorry, honey.

I don't get it, but I'm still sorry.

Is there anything I can do to help?

No, I'll be okay.

Where do you think you're going

without a hall pass, little missy?

My fifth-grade teacher Ms. Mackie

would have said that.

- ♪ You belong at Happy's Place ♪

What's up, Takoda?

I still can't figure out this email from Isabella.

Do you know what kind of a desk is boss-babe chic?

I'm going to need a little more information.

I'm going to ask my daughter.

Okay, you are never going to believe

what just happened to me.

Okay, this lady outside saw this sweatshirt

and assumed I went to Stanford.

Really?

I told her I would put in a good word for her son.

- People are so gullible. - I know.

Oh, I don't know where you stole that,

but there's also a school named Stanford.

No, actually--

What are you talking about?

Gabby went to Stanford.

What? No, she didn't.

Yes, she did.

No, she didn't.

Gabby?

I did.

She was only there for a year, but, yeah, she went.

I didn't know that.

Really?

Really.

That's crazy.

Yeah, and she majored in...

got your ass!

Hoo-hoo!

Oh!

Oh, my God, you totally believed him.

No, see, I knew that.

You only got me for, like, a second.

I'm not a gullible person.

Emmett is just a way-above-average liar.

Oh, my gosh, do you know what would be so fun?

For the three of us to team up

and trick the customers into thinking

you went to Stanford?

Exactly.

You know what? You're pretty quick.

Well, I have pretended to go to Harvard before.

Oh.

I'm in. Payback for all their...

"can you put the sauce on the side?" requests.

Hey, Takoda, you want to get in on a prank?

Oak?

Is oak boss-babe wood?

Leave the man alone. He's clearly got wood issues.

Okay, open your eyes.

Surprise!

I got you some school supplies.

Aww!

Thank you, Bobbie.

But wait, there's more.

I have enrolled us into a class together.

What? Am I dreaming?

Oh, are we going back to high school

"21 Jump Street" style?

No, even better--

it's an online food safety class.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

The tavern has to be recertified,

and I thought we could take it and have some fun.

What do you think about that?

I've never been so excited in my life!

Is there a textbook? - Well--

We should start studying tonight.

How many flash cards do you have in this house right now?

My gut tells me not nearly enough.

Proper refrigerator storage order, go.

Okay, seafood, pork...

Remember our mnemonic--

Susan bashfully poked Gargamel's Pomeranian.

Poultry!

There she is!

Top of her game. No one's better.

All right. Okay, your turn, killer.

Uh, what are the two most important steps

of pre-shift handwashing?

- Easy. - Okay.

Ow, ow, that's so hot.

Step one--the water must be over 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

Oh, no, I wish I wore shorter sleeves,

because step two--

you must wash hands and forearms.

Correct, and extra points for acting it out.

Hit me with another question.

You know, I thought it might be a good time

to take a little break.

- From quizzing? - Yes.

Crazy. I was thinking the same thing.

- Okay. - Great minds.

Okay, let's go back to the beginning of this chapter.

My mantra in college was, you haven't read something

until you've read it three times.

You know, I don't think

you and I would have been friends in college.

My opinion--you haven't really read Shakespeare

unless you've read it in the original language.

Wow, Gabby, your confidence is...

unnerving.

It's such a rush, you know?

I feel so powerful, huh?

Oh, oh, oh, here comes a guy.

You ready? - Born ready.

- Can I get an IPA? - Ah, great choice.

I used to love having an IPA

after hitting the books at college

up in California's Bay Area.

She went to Stanford.

Seriously? That's impressive.

Yeah, and she's too modest to tell you,

but she double-majored.

I don't like to brag-- philosophy and science.

Not just science, applied robotics.

But they kicked me out of the program

for trying to build a robot who could love.

The faculty was scared.

both: Cowards.

Is she talking your ear off about her days

on the lacrosse team?

Nobody wants to hear about my incredible lacrosse career

at Stanford University.

Enjoy that IPA.

I will.

What's going on?

We've convinced the entire bar

that Gabby went to Stanford.

Isn't that hilarious?

I know, right, you know?

Why is that funny?

Oh, well, you know...

I don't know.

I mean, Steve suggested it.

Why is it funny?

Because, Gabby, you know, you're just...

What?

I'm--I'm just what?

I'd stop talking.

No, Steve, finish your sentence.

I'm just what? I'm just a bartender?

I didn't say that.

Yeah, but that's what you meant.

- Emmett, help me out here. - Nope.

It's funny because, obviously,

I'm too dumb to go to Stanford, right?

Right? - Yes.

- Oh. - I mean, no.

I mean...

none of us could have gotten into Stanford.

Okay, so you're saying that it would've been just as funny

if you were the one wearing this?

I mean, maybe not as funny.

Oh.

Take the exit ramp, man.

Okay, I can't take much more of this studying.

Was anybody here good at school?

Not the best time for that question.

Okay, I need somebody to step in here,

'cause we all care about that girl.

But I'm the only one getting punished for it.

Bobbie, I hope you're ready for the test tonight.

It's not till next week.

Not the real test-- a head-to-head,

Thunderdome-style lightning practice test

to make sure we're ready for the real test.

See you at close.

Get ready to get crushed!

What's a Thunderdome-style lightning practice test?

Well, I'm glad you asked,

because you will all be staying to watch.

No.

Welcome to hell!

So sweet of you to stay for this.

Bobbie said we had to.

Well, you will not be disappointed,

because in my hand, I hold 200 practice questions.

- No. - 200 questions?

Okay, all right, we're not going to do--

we're not going to do all of them, are we?

Well, I mean, not tonight, but eventually, yes.

Okay, Gabby, will you be our test proctor?

All you have to do is choose a random set of five questions

from these.

Oh, gee, I hope I can figure out how to do that.

I mean, five, five--

is--is that like six but small?

Come on, Gabby,

I actually believed you went to Stanford, remember?

That makes me the dumb one. - Wow!

Wow.

No. No, no, no.

It's not like...

So what are the rules, and how do I bet on it?

First off, there's no holding back, okay?

I want to win fair and square.

Best of five, no buzzing in.

When you know the answer, you say the answer.

You ready? - Yes.

See, I knew the answer, and I just said it.

Five bucks on Bobbie.

Nothing says romance like gambling on your lady.

That's a good investment.

I'll take that action.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have quite a matchup today.

In this corner, we have Bobbie MacAllister,

weighing in at-- Bobbie, what do you weigh?

100 and none of your business.

Fine.

Question one--

how many hours can cold food be held without refrigeration?

- Six. - Yes.

Question two-- an infrared thermometer is...

Used to measure temperature without direct contact.

And, uh-oh, Bobbie,

looks like my temperature is off the charts.

Oh, oh!

Simmer down. I'm just getting warmed up.

- Okay. - Question three--

what is the minimum cooking temperature of a veal chop?

- 145. - Correct.

Dang it!

If you want to do it right,

take it off the heat at 130, tent it with foil,

rest it for ten minutes, and serve with horseradish.

Okay, question four--

what does the T stand for

in the food-safety acronym ALERT?

Assure, look--

- Threat. - Yes.

You better watch your back, little sister,

'cause that's what I am.

Ooh, ooh!

Isn't Gabby doing such a good job at this?

- Okay. - You're not.

Okay, it is 2-2.

Final question-- winner takes all.

If lasagna is removed from heat at 11:00,

by what time must it be served according to safety guidelines?

5:00! Boom!

- Incorrect! - What?

Hot food has a shorter shelf life than cold food.

3:00. - Yes.

And the new food safety champion is,

uh, Bobbie MacAllister. - Whoo!

Always bet on your lady.

Yeah.

Hey, since we're all here,

maybe we can talk desks?

Well, since I won so fast, I think we have time for that.

Well, hang on.

That last question wasn't fair, okay?

Gabby picked one that was easy for you.

Isabella, you're being a sore loser.

Well, you're being unfair.

But whatever. Fine. You won. Good for you.

I'm going home.

First of all,

you drive like a maniac.

Didn't you see me behind you flashing my brights?

I thought it was a crazy person.

It was, me,

because you're driving me crazy.

Look, I'm not in the mood to talk right now, Bobbie.

Good, 'cause I'm not here to talk.

Pop quiz. - What are you doing?

Oh, you wanted best out of seven.

Well, let's get to it.

Okay.

True or false-- you're acting like a brat.

Please.

True or false?

False.

Wrong answer.

True or false-- you're mad at me,

even though this whole time I've been trying to help you.

True.

Okay.

This is the last one, and it's an essay question.

Why?

I don't know.

What school did you go to

that you can think "I don't know" is an essay?

Well, I don't, okay?

I don't know anything.

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what type of stupid desk

to put in my stupid room

that'll help me get my life back together.

That's a lot of pressure to put on a desk.

I know!

It's dumb, but...

I realize that it's not the fun of school that I miss.

It was the certainty.

You know, I knew exactly who I was, and...

I just don't know how to get that back.

I hope you never get it back.

Rude.

Look...

certainty is a trap

that keeps your life small.

I was certain that I would never find love again

after Travis passed.

I was wrong.

Aww, cute.

Can we get back to me, though?

You know what else I was absolutely certain about?

What?

That I didn't need a little sister,

which is crazy, because you're one of the greatest joys

of my life.

Really? Even when I'm a brat?

Oh, you're not a brat.

- You said I was. - I did?

I came in hot.

What's this?

I got you a new sweatshirt,

but you can only wear it when you're with me.

It's cute.

I feel like you think I said something I didn't say.

And you're mad at me, even though I--

I'm not mad at you, okay?

Okay.

I owe you an apology.

I was acting like a baby,

and after seeing Isabella,

I realized that is not a good look.

It's okay.

But I'd be more okay with an explanation.

I have this-- this voice in my head,

and it is always telling me that I'm not smart enough

or I'm not good enough or, you know, just not enough.

And that is who I am really mad at.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who does that.

What's yours sound like?

Gilbert Gottfried doing an impression of my mom.

- Brutal. - Yeah.

I just--I hate it, you know?

And once it starts, I just-- I can't make it stop.

- You know what I do? - What?

I tell me to leave me the hell alone.

Okay.

No, I'm serious.

Hey, me, you listen to me.

At the end of the day, we're all us.

So be nice, or else!

Oh, it works, I swear. Try it.

Stop being mean to me.

Uh, that's not going to make Mommy Gottfried shut up.

Louder. - Okay.

Stop being mean to me, me!

Yes, leave my friend alone!

Yeah, we are a smart, capable woman!

And you don't get to tell us who we are

just because you're up there!

So you know what?

Either pipe down or hit the road, peaches!

That was great.

How do you feel?

Silly...

and a little better.

And, you know, you don't just have to talk to yourself.

You can also talk to me.

Thanks, Steve.

You're welcome.

Us damaged people have to stick together.

So how often do you talk to yourself?

My neighbors think I have a roommate.

Ooh, I can't wait to see it.

This was so sweet of you, Takoda.

Well, furniture is important.

It's like giving somebody a new wooden roommate.

That sounds like a sad kids' movie.

I was struggling.

The first sketch that I had was powerful but not chic.

And he thought his second sketch was chic

but not powerful.

So I told him,

just make a desk that's like Isabella.

Oak, strong and supportive, just like you.

What do you think?

Give to Gabby?

No. I love it.

It's better than anything I could have imagined.

Thank you, Takoda.

There's no ashtray.

Well, just tell us where to put it.

Ah, ah, ah.

Us ladies, we already have our system in place.

Yeah, we got this. Back up, back up.

Back it up, back it up.

All right, on three-- one, two, three, up, up, up.

All right, turn. - Tiny steps, shuffle, shuffle.

Turn, turn.

Back it up, back it up, back it up.

Okay, turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it.

Who's not carrying their weight?

all: And down, down, down, down, down,

down, down, down, down, down. - There we go.

- Ha, ha, ha! Let me see. - Whoo!

Oh, it looks great.

Ooh, not quite done yet.

- Oh. - Now it is.

Give to Gabby?

Aww.