Original subtitles

[Frank] We all knew the risks when we signed up for this job.

Every call is a dance on the knife's edge.

So, why do we do this?

We do it for love.

For faith.

And also...

For money.

Let's roll.

[tires screech]

[energetic music]

We're here. Waiting on your signal.

This place stinks of crime.

Let's crack a window.

That's a great line.

Yeah, I heard him rehearse it in the truck.

Nobody move! You're all...

Absolutely adorable.

[puppies barking]

Come here, guys.

Let's get you out of this puppy mill.

Ah... watch your paws.

I got a lot of glass in my beard.

Gabby, Joey, Purnell, and...

I will name you all later.

Backs against the wall, now. Nobody move!

[Victoria] A pig in a puppy mill?

What kind of sick genetic hybrids

are you trying to create?

It's not like that.

The-the pig keeps the puppies calm.

You wanted to play God?

Well, now you're gonna pay!

A $63 citation for operating an unlicensed breeding facility.

And there's something else you should know.

There's a $5 convenience fee for paying with credit card.

Who are you guys?

We are...

- Frank and Shred. - Animal Control.

Sorry. Give me another chance. I'll nail it.

♪ [vocalizing] ♪

♪

What saint did I punch in the face in a previous life

to deserve Templeton as a boss?

The worst.

What kind of a monster makes you

clean grooming drains on the weekend?

There was so much hair.

It was like when I shared a shower in a hostel

in Eastern Europe.

- [pig squeals] - Why's your handbag screaming?

I picked up this little guy at the puppy mill raid.

I think it's imprinted on me and like, it's cute,

but also really annoying.

Oh, hey! Here's the beautiful couple

whose illicit romance got us into this hell.

I know I don't technically work here right now,

just dropping Shred off.

And I also made you guys some scones.

- Yay! - I know you guys love them.

- Save it for later. - Yeah.

Today's flavor, triple cranberries,

after my boyfriend's favorite band.

Yes, and take it from me, this flavor will also linger.

This is just the kind of creativity

I can access now that I have so much free time.

As much as I love your journey of self-discovery,

when are you coming back?

My lady's suspension hearing is in four weeks.

What? Oh, that's way too long.

No, I need Templeton to quit.

Maybe we set up a honeypot trap.

Victoria, you get all tarted up,

we catch him in an HR violation.

I think we just caught you in an HR violation.

Fine, I'll go it alone. Old school.

I'll undermine his authority at every turn

until he goes insane and then quits.

That's kinda what you always do with a boss.

No, this is Frank Plus. Ad free.

No, Frank, you need to get along with Templeton

and play ball until I can come back

and run the precinct again.

- Hopefully. - [Frank] I make no promises.

For this is the time upon us

when all good men must look inside--

[bagpipes playing]

I was just getting started.

Morning meeting in one minute.

Uh-oh!

Men, watch your back! Sexual predator on the premises.

Can you not call me that, please?

'Cause I'm just in a consensual,

albeit currently litigated, romantic relationship.

Okay, everyone inside, unless you've been suspended.

Okay. That's me.

Um, okay. I'm-I'm going.

- [Victoria] Bye. - You don't have to play me off.

This is not the Tony Awards.

It's sad clown music 'cause you're a sad clown.

I'm not a sad clown, Templeton.

I'm just a woman.

First time I felt bad for a trash can.

I can't even get the pig to eat it!

- [pig squeals] - I'm sorry, baby.

Hey, did you try one of Emily's scones?

You know I only eat these when Emily is looking at me.

You'll be fine here, okay?

Happy Monday morning, everyone.

I hope you had an enjoyable weekend.

We were here snaking the drains.

Outstanding.

You also may be wondering why I have

such a big smile on my face.

No, but I am wondering if they took your braces off too early.

Cool your beans, Frank. Cool your beans.

It's because my new seagrass rug has been delivered.

So, if there's any one-on-ones in my office,

I will be insisting you remove your shoes.

Especially you, Victoria.

I'd rather chop my feet off.

- I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. - Uh, nothing.

- Shoes off. Got it. - [snorting]

But it's not just about me and my awesome new boss stuff.

It's also about you, too.

That's why I'm instituting an update to the uniform.

A new utility belt.

Daisy here is gonna give you a little spiel.

- [Daisy] Mm-hmm. - That looks a little heavy.

It really isn't.

This belt has everything.

Binoculars. Medical gloves.

Oh, a tiny screwdriver and a roadkill spatula.

But most importantly,

it has the revised edition of the Employee Handbook.

A new foreword by yours truly.

Just basically my origin story.

Hey, uh...

- Can I see that? - Yeah, of course.

Inspirational quotes. Salty anecdotes.

If you're a delicate reader,

you might wanna skip the Montreal section.

Yeah. Interesting.

[gasps]

Wow! That's insubordination.

So, now you will all have to skip lunch

and express the anal glands of the sheep we picked up

at the petting zoo.

- What? - No!

You can thank your buddy Frank for that.

Aw, Frank!

Shaw. In my office.

Yeah, I got some stuff to say to you, too.

Ah-da-da-da-da. Your boots. Your boots.

- Wait, are you serious? - As a heart attack.

Boots comin' off.

Out of respect for the craftsmanship of the rug,

not your leadership.

All right, let's do this.

Oh, sorry. We'll have to do this later.

Some boss stuff came up.

I just took my boots off.

You did.

[chuckles] Okay.

Hey.

Bye-bye.

Okay.

Do you want this door open or closed?

- Open's fine. - Okay.

Oh. So sorry. That's terrible.

- What? - No, I wish...

we had a choice, but we don't.

Mm-hmm. I love you too, baby.

I just got the most amazing news.

My mother-in-law is sick.

She was right!

You marrying Maya will be the death of her.

No, she's gonna pull through.

She's gotta have surgery.

So, Maya's gonna take the kids to India, help her recover!

No kids? Wow!

Whatever will you complain about?

I have no idea.

I'm sure you'll find something.

Frank's calling a meeting on the secret channel.

- The goat's in the meadow. - Nice.

The cow is in the corn.

Line secure, proceed.

Oh... I'll proceed.

Frank couldn't be chill and I missed my lunch.

That I will not abide.

This is all part of Templeton's plan.

He wants us to turn on each other.

Oh, no. Don't worry, we're not. We're turning on you.

Yeah, and Emily was very clear.

She said to keep our heads down until her suspension is over.

Well, Emily's not here.

She's at the quarry sourcing new ingredients for her scones.

I'm just going to say it.

I think you're taking this a little too personally.

This is not about me.

None of us should feel good

about where our hands were at lunch.

He's right, everything with Templeton

is getting out of hand.

He started timing our bathroom breaks.

No, he's not timing our bathroom breaks. What?

Is-is that just me?

He's an intolerable perv who has to go.

But I can't make him quit on my own.

We've gotta present a united front of insubordination.

For this is the time upon us

when all good men must reach down deep--

Oh, shut up!

Fine, I'll do it.

I got a bad feeling in my stomach about this, but...

that might be the scones. I'm in.

Sorry, Templeton, he's really not timing

anybody else in the bathroom? Just me?

Nope.

I'm in.

I figured out what I wanna do first

with my two months of freedom.

I'll tell you what it is.

In a-one, a-two, a-one, two, three!

- It's drums? - It's drums.

I've always wanted to hit the high hat,

but my parents wouldn't let me.

Then my babies didn't let me.

See, my family, they've always been

my greatest obstacle to joy.

Until now.

Wow.

Purchased.

Quiet! He's coming!

How are those glands?

Are the sheep all smiling?

We're good to go, boss.

That's the spirit.

Keep it up and I might reward you with some high tea

in the boss's office.

Oh, I'd like that.

Okay.

Ahh!

[sheep bleating]

My seagrass!

[chuckling]

What happened, did the sheep not take their shoes off?

Of course it's you.

Having fun with the new boss.

Razzing El Jefe.

Is that the best you got?

Oh, you better find the cool side of the pillow

because your nightmare has just begun.

I'm not gonna rest until you quit.

I guess you're gonna learn the hard way.

You don't come between a man and his rug.

I have watched and heard you eat spaghetti.

There's nothing you can do to hurt me.

Are you sure about that?

'Cause your dream call just came in.

The Seattle Seahawks' mascot has escaped to Pocket Beach.

Wait.

Taima is missing?

It's real! Adam Schefter reporting.

It's the kinda call you wait your whole career for.

A chance to buddy up with Seahawks players.

Season tickets.

Maybe become the practice squad long snapper

and get subbed in last-second in the Super Bowl?

Ah, too bad I already gave the call to Daisy.

Eh. She'll appreciate the perks.

Listen, we... both got heated here.

Too late.

You lost the call.

You know what?

You're right.

I'll help you clean the rug.

Okay. Thank you.

Hey, where are you going?

Play action pass!

I don't recognize your authority!

Get back here! That's a direct order!

Stand down, Daisy!

This bird is mine.

Templeton said I was getting the bird.

I don't care what that bag of yogurt has to say.

And you shouldn't either.

Your friendship is unnatural.

Nuh-uh!

You are not wearing your regulation uniform utility belt.

Don't need it.

Don't need a damn thing.

Actually...

I need my net.

And sunglasses, too.

Maybe some water.

You know, and some gum.

Ugh!

What the hell?

Where's the latch?

It's hidden for your safety.

Should've paid attention during our belt tutorial.

- It's so tight! - It should be.

[bird cries]

Taima.

[Victoria] At least with Frank and Templeton at war,

we finally get lunch.

[pig snorts]

[phone pings]

Oh, just calm down. Calm down!

- Oh, God. - Is that Emily? Don't lie.

She's bringing in a mid-day scone basket.

- No. - Let me tell you something.

You need to make her stop.

I don't know what that is, but it's not food.

Can one of you guys convince Emily that

I have an eating disorder?

[Emily] I'm back!

Someone got inspired.

Okay, guys, she's really into the baking thing,

and she needs this right now.

And who knows,

maybe this batch could be delicious.

Stop lying to yourself.

It's a new relationship, Victoria.

I just started lying to myself.

Hello!

- Hey! - Hey.

- It's scone time again. - Oh!

- Hi, baby. - Scone time.

I'm calling this one The Shred.

Because you love olive bread and you love blueberries.

What did you do?

- Just try one. - Uh, maybe later.

No, now! I wanna see your face.

- Okay. - Okay.

Here's the thing.

What?

I'm just really excited to try one of these right now.

Aww.

Baby, that's so sweet. You really are.

- You're, like, shaking. - Mm-hmm.

Frank's mutiny needs to be punished.

Get me a list of all the dogs with rotten mouth.

All right. Okay.

Okay. Um, that was a close call.

Um, I-I better go.

Thank God. Really, you sure?

Patel, will you take a video of him eating it, though?

I just, I really wanna know what you think.

- Okay. - Call me.

I'm not gonna let Templeton's stupid belt slow me down.

I'm dropping ballast like the brave men of Apollo 13.

You're kicking sand on me!

[caws]

It is an honor to capture a Super Bowl champion.

[caws]

Please tell me that's me from the future.

[evil laughter]

Surf's up, Frank!

Life's a beach.

My, how the tides have turned.

Oh, just pick one.

Surf's up.

Hurry up. I'm not maternal.

I'm not gonna hold your hand.

Oh, my God.

Is that a dog grooming bandana?

'Cause you don't even have drums yet.

Dress for the hobby you want.

Stop! I feel sorry for you.

Hey. Sorry, uh, could you help me out here?

I heard there's a big puppy adoption going on.

Sorry. We're fresh out, so...

However, if you would like something equally as adorable

and currently just as small, right now.

I do have this guy.

Aww.

Uh, are these easy pets?

Yes. Very easy.

They sleep... all day and eat your garbage.

You know what? I'm gonna let you...

hold him, because--

Look at you guys! [pig squeals]

That's a good sound. He's super excited.

I'm gonna go get that adoption paperwork for you to fill out.

- Yeah? Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

[pig squeals]

[caws]

[Frank] Hey, Roman!

Hand over the bird.

I'm on official Animal Control business.

That's funny. That's why I'm here, too.

I don't know if you saw my Insta,

but I'm starting my own private animal control company.

Look, if you wanna become me, I recommend starting with

a trip overseas for leg lengthening surgery.

Not everything's about you, Frank.

There's a lot of untapped money in your industry.

Okay, just give me the bird.

You can't just start your own animal control company.

- You need-- - State of the art drones?

Driverless trucks?

Ta-da!

Sick sunbrella headwear.

[chuckles] My startup is going to be sleek,

tech-driven and innovation forward.

Look, I can save you a bunch of time

and just set your money on fire.

Pax Romana.

So, you've besmirched the Latin language

and the memory of Emperor Augustus.

Your world's about to get very dark.

Just like yours, every time you put on an adult-size hat?

Car?

Please take me to where

the Seahawks do their rehearsals.

Jealous?

Veni, vidi, vici!

Drone, follow and record.

Hey, was this plastic rake on your belt?

Or did I just steal from a kid?

- You! - Oh, don't you "you" me.

Your pudgy little finger.

I just lost the most important bird in my life.

Daisy said you let a private animal control company best you.

It's not a real company. It was just Roman.

And I would've caught Taima if you hadn't made me

wear a Home Depot around my waist.

Come on, Roman's had a jump on you ever since

your sheep insurrection plan fizzled.

History will be kind.

It was symbolic.

It got its message across.

- Which was? - Your rules...

like you buying birth control, are sad and pointless.

You know your rank insubordination is the rot

at the heart of this precinct.

Somebody needs to do something about you.

I'd like to see somebody try.

Well, somebody's about to.

I challenge you to a fight in the kennel.

Doggy style.

- And if you win-- - I will.

I'll step down as your supervisor.

- But if I win-- - Ha!

You'll accept your role as my loyal underling.

My forever lackey.

- My biznotch. - You're on.

I can't wait to tell your parents that their son's

last word was biznotch.

You know, I hate to say it,

but this is what happens when men are in charge.

A few ground rules. Taint's off limits.

Unless it's a finishing move.

- No, thanks. No. - That's not right.

Oh, good. You found a way to make this even weirder.

Oil wrestling's not weird.

It's the national sport of Turkey.

- [Victoria] Okay. - Oh, man.

Hurry up.

Let's go.

All right.

Cover your skin tags, T! That's an easy hold.

Put that body on him, Frank.

Try to get a grip.

Get up in there. Yeah!

Didn't expect all the sounds.

Oh!

[Shred] No, don't go into his guard, Frank.

Kick out of it!

- Where are we? - Flip him over!

- Oh! - A hundred bucks

the dumb one loses!

[Roman laughs]

Either way, I win.

Oh, this?

Just some thank you swag from the boys in blue and green.

That should be my swag!

[imitating] That should be my swag!

- Finishing move! - Stop!

Beating you idiots will be easier than I thought.

We get it. You caught the bird.

Now you gloat. Okay--

Time out! Time out.

That's not all I caught. For I...

snagged my very own city contract.

What?

With the stroke of my commemorative Sam Darnold pen,

I now officially take over your friends

at Precinct 17.

We're in the middle of a very important oil wrestling match,

and there's no way this city is gonna allow you to take over

the whole east side.

It's just a pilot program, but who knows?

Pretty soon

my company could take over all of Seattle Animal Control.

I've had enough of you, Roman.

Take your shirt off. It's go time.

No can do, I'm allergic to most oils.

And look at you.

Just a bunch of Neanderthals.

But I'm taking Seattle into the future!

Starting with my next post on Insta.

[singing] Drone!

Oh, my gosh. No photos.

Daisy, get the catch pole. Get it.

[laughing]

Roman just keeps coming back.

I'm glad I'm shirtless for this moment.

It's too ominous for clothing.

[laughing]

Thank you for picking me up, babe.

You're welcome, baby.

Hey, I was, um,

just going through the trash outside the precinct,

and look what I found.

I told the janitor to empty the garbage off site.

Yeah, I mean, what's going on?

Do you, like, hate my scones or something?

- Be honest-- - Yes! Yes.

Everybody. And I've seen Patel eat melted ice cream cake

off of a picnic table.

What do you mean, everyone does?

That was, like, a rhetorical question.

Why didn't you tell me?

You were just so excited about baking.

And I was happy you found something 'cause you were, like,

really down when you first got suspended.

Yeah, of course I was down.

I mean, my job is, like, everything to me.

Other than you.

Okay. It felt like an add-on,

but I know your career is very important.

Don't cry. It's okay.

You can take a baking course!

I'm not crying about the stupid scones.

I just, I feel, like, really lost right now.

I don't know, I thought I could distract myself with a hobby,

but apparently I've just weaponized baking.

Hey, I hear that. But you're not lost right now.

You're who you've always been.

My lady.

Who I'm crazy about.

Okay? And you're gonna get your job back in, like, a month.

Yeah, but what if I don't?

You will!

'Cause you're the most incredible boss ever.

I don't know, you guys seem to be doing just fine without me.

Are you serious?

Do you know that Templeton oil wrestled Frank today?

Roman Park started his own private animal control.

Betty spaghetti! What?

We are falling apart without you.

Are you just saying that?

'Cause I know you're a really good liar now.

Lady at the DMV didn't even blink when I said I was 5'11".

- 5'11" now, are we? - Mm-hmm.

- Okay. Okay. - Mm-hmm.

- When did you bite me? - I don't remember.

Fog of war.

Look...

Roman may look like a breakfast cereal mascot, but...

he's a real threat.

In order to save the precinct...

[swallows hard]

Just choked back some bile.

I think we...

should set aside our professional, personal,

and genetic differences and work together.

I grudgingly agree,

but you gotta give Daddy something first.

[Frank gags]

Just... bile again.

No more mean-spirited pranks from you

and your pack of yapping jackals.

No more dumb uniform accessories,

forced workouts, or unsolicited backrubs.

Fine.

We win this war...

then we finish this fight.

Looks like we've entered into a coalition

of unpleasant necessity.

That's a word-burger.

Why don't we just call it a C.U.N.?

- No! - You know what?

The Coalition. We'll call it The Coalition.

Okay. What do you... have...

- Sorry. Still very slick. - Gross.

I'm gonna go get that dish soap they use on the oil spill ducks.

I don't know what's worse.

The guy returning this super clingy pig

or me having to look at that every day.

[Patel] It's weird, his eyes are following me wherever I go.

Hey. Pretty great, huh?

Next time you look up at God, know that I'll be there

stealing your prayers.

Can't wait to see you covered in bird crap.

Nah, I got some squeegee boys coming in once a week.

Car? Peel out...

at speed limit. [chuckles]

Okay, everybody grab a rock.

Yep. Fresh outta the oven.

[Frank] Three, two, one!