Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, coming to you live tonight from the Hollywood Bowling

Emporium in Hollywood, California, zip 90028.

An evening of championship bowling between two teams of lovely bowlers. Two

words you rarely hear together.

Hollywood models versus Hollywood dancers.

I can't believe you guys even bothered to show up tonight.

You don't have a chance.

What a joke.

That's what they think. Yeah, really.

I say we go out there and kick their ass.

No problem.

Now let us meet the first team, representing the models in pink, Bambi

and Barbie.

Come out, please.

Hi, Nick. Hi.

And good luck to you both. Thank you. We're going to win. You sure are, if the

other team doesn't. And now, representing Hollywood's dancers, the

second team, Francine and Tina. Come on out, Francine and Tina.

Francine and Tina, ladies and gentlemen, versus Bambi and Barbie, competing for

prizes and for the sexiest bowler of the night award.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let's get on with the show.

Good luck to you both.

And the excitement is mounting. We're going to be seeing some very good action

very soon.

Oh, man.

bodacious tata she has. Woo-hoo!

Hey, baby. Joe Pornoski.

Real Dirt Magazine.

Nah, you mind if I take a few pictures?

All right.

I know that photographer.

Who is that? That's, uh... Oh, no.

Not that.

That's not Joe Pornoski. That's who it is. Oh, my God.

He shot me before. He's a rebel, Rosalind. Anything could happen.

The models are up, and the first... We got Barbie, and Barbie knows. Barbie is

first.

What's she doing? Wait a second.

My goodness, I don't know if this is a sanctioned move or not, but her shirt is

coming off. She's taking her shirt off. She has taken her shirt off.

Well, now let's see, her partner is up, and that's Bambi.

Bambi, yes, Bambi. Bambi is up, and she's going to be bowling.

And let's see, Bambi is... Her shirt is coming off, too. Why is she taking her

shirt off? Well, it's that Kornofsky guy. You can't do that.

It's a gutter ball. A gutter, see?

That shows you. You should buy my video.

At the end of the first frame, first complete frame, it's the dancers 16, the

models 7, and models true to their name. Both have their shirts off.

Not again. What is up with this?

Okay, so she's taking her panties off. I don't think you can see. My wife's going

to be bad.

believer she's making her approach and it is a nine

nine not bad not bad

Tina is up.

Tina. Tina.

We can only guess what Tina's going to do.

Oh my God. I can't believe this. Again. This is not. You can't do that. You

can't say fucking. I don't think you can say she's taking a fucking. I didn't say

fucking. I thought you said she's taking a fucking. I didn't say fucking.

I stopped myself. I'm a professional.

I'll take a picture

Sports injuries can happen anywhere. I, Mary Beth Williams, attorney at law,

will fight for you.

How did this happen? I slipped and fell on my panties.

Hmm.

Did the bowling alley provide a panty rack?

No. I just had to toss my panties to the side, and when I was making my approach,

I slipped and fell on them. Hmm.

You've got a good case.

Sports injuries are our specialty.

I, Mary Beth Williams, attorney at law, will fight for you.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm. I smell money.

Gee, how can I ever thank you?

Oh, we'll find a way.

You have a lot.

Steve!

One pin.

One pin. So she concludes her frame with the second frame with a seven.

And here comes Bambi, and of course, yes, that's what she's doing.

Bambi's bra is off also. Bambi's bra is off. Yeah. I should have guessed this.

Bambi. Why not?

Which one do you like better, Bambi or Barbie?

Cutter. I think Bambi's been the gutter before.

When you love bowling as much as we do, you're always filled with enthusiasm.

And enthusiasm means jumping up and down. Right, girls?

Right. Let's show them.

Breast bounce. For me, it's a small problem.

For me, it's a big one.

So how do you get the support you need while still making a great impression on

the lanes?

We all use the clean breast sporting bra the bra that breeze let's show them

girls

The clean breast sporting bra. It gives you the support you need, whether you're

bowling, balling, or bouncing.

See? Great support with just a little jiggle. Make a clean breast of it today.

So we're at the top of the third frame now, and we've got Francine up.

I should do it.

Yeah,

so it looks like at seven she's got a one, two, four pin standing.

Well, she's got spunk. There's no doubt about it. And now her partner Tina is

up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This I like.

Is that you?

You know what that is?

Pretty good. She got an 8.

She got an 8.

She's got a 1-2 pin standing.

Yeah, and... It'll be, yeah, it shouldn't be too hard of a shot. Here

comes the second one, and of course she's nude now, so she's not fettered by

any of these tight constricting rolls. I guess not. She seems to be bouncing

around.

Once again, she's on the gutter.

So at the end of three, let's recap here at the end of three.

What do we got for a score here?

Looks like the dancers, 49, and the models, 35. Still pretty tight.

It's not even a big deal.

Thank you.

Push me back.

Let's see.

Oh.

It's not subtle, but I get her point. I mean, I see what she's doing. I mean,

they look good, but I'm not shooting. I'm a pro.

I don't know.

Thank you.

Get out of here.

Enough of this stuff. What do I need that for? A continuity.

And it's into the gutter. A gutter again?

That was the end of the fifth frame, and the score at the end of the fifth frame

is... The dancers are a solid 72, and the models are a fleshy 57.

57?

It's her artificial lip.

Oh, we can't do that.

Oh,

just

one more down.

Yeah, I got a girl.

Yeah, bro.

Well, she left one standing. That's not too bad. But she finished off her round

with a nine.

And now the models are up. The Barbie is up. Got

Barbie up.

Me too.

Let's see what she'll do. Let's see if she can recover from that. I hope so.

Oh, my God.

Two more shots.

All right.

The second ball, it's the gutter on the other side. Another gutter. Bambi is

obviously by dexterous.

Into six, it's the dancers, 85.

And the models, unfortunately, being pulled down by Bambi, 66.

I think I'm going to get a close-up. Watch this.

It's interesting, you know, Barbie, you know, you see Barbie's got the highest

individual score. She's got a 53. Do you think I should give them a lesson by

now, some kind of tip? I think this is your time to do it.

I'll be back.

I just got to give them a... We'll be right back.

Today's tip is focus.

You're going to have to learn how to focus on your mark.

This mark?

No, not that. Let me show you.

That's the mark you're going to be. Not this mark.

Find your mark.

Don't forget to follow through.

I noticed y'all weren't really concentrating.

Y'all learned how to concentrate.

Focus on the mark. Don't forget to follow through.

Okay, you go first.

Grab your ball.

Yeah, okay.

So, focus.

Focus. You got it.

Oh!

Four!

Okay, okay.

Okay, you're next.

Okay, ready? On your mark, focus.

Okay, next girl.

Let's reset here.

Whoa, yeah.

Oh, wait a minute. There we go. Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Really good.

Really, really good.

One more person, yeah.

One more.

Focus on your mark.

That's what you focus on. I'll focus on something else. You focus on.

Hold on. Hold on.

Oh, you got it. That's great.

I was focusing.

That's very cool.

Okay, here we go.

All right.

Oh, yes.

Oh, almost.

Almost. I know that, girls. Not bad.

See more lessons, you know

What?

You know, with the ball kick, though.

All right.

Being a cop is hard on my lower back.

Sitting in a squad car, sitting at the donut shops, that's tough.

But when it comes to my bowling night, I pop a few of these Dr.

Williams nerve detonators. Why, a few of these and I don't feel a thing. Right,

gals? Right.

Just take a cup of those little tablets and you won't even know you're alive.

Hey, I'm ready to bowl. Thanks to the doc.

You'll like the way he gets on your nerves.

My stars, Tina. Your feet smell like pig shit.

You need some pine sweet for your swine feet.

Pine sweet?

I'll try it.

Mmm.

Gosh, they smell so delectable, it's making me hungry.

Pine sweet makes your swine feet good enough to eat.

That's pine sweet for swine feet.

What's the name of your video again?

It's called Bowling with Cliff.

What else?

As opposed to bowling off a cliff.

Yeah, well, no, no. It's Bowling with Cliff. I think that's illegal. All

right, so Francine is up, and let's see how Francine does.

Have they been coached by you on this one?

Now it's Tina's turn to try.

It's Tina's turn to try. Isn't that a song?

Yeah, voila.

That was Barbie. Barbie, I know, was paying a lot of attention to what you

were saying, Cliff, by keeping it straight and hard. And let's see whether

she can come through.

And now her partner, Bambi, who actually needs a great deal of help.

Gutter ball, Cliff.

Gutter ball? She didn't listen to me. Well, she was focusing on the gutter.

Thank you.

Hi.

Yes!

He said a bad word.

Oh, God.

Bambi's turn to cry.

There's one right now.

Oh,

my

God.

Another better.

She's got another ball.

I can't believe this girl. She's going to concentrate.

And it's been certainly a very revealing night of bowling.

It's been nice working with you. I hope I can work again after this. I've never

had a thing like this before.

I've seen this kind of, I like it, I mean, but I don't know if I can work

against it.

Well, keep it true to your name, straighten hard. Cliff, straighten hard

dial, ladies and gentlemen. That's it, that's it. Thank you. And thank you from

the BBN Bouncing Bowling Network.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Nick Danton welcoming you to the final

presentations for the evening.

Not a lot of strikes and spares tonight, but it was a brilliant competition.

And I must say that everyone spent a lot of time in the gutter.

And we are here now to present the jewelry to the winners and to the

losers. First, the second, nobody's a loser really, the second place team, the

dancers. Dancers, come on up.

Congratulations.

In second place, the dancer. And the dancers will each have a pearl necklace

worth $3,000.

Congratulations on your great effort. You showed a great deal of spunk and

stamina. Thanks very much. And now, in first place, the winners, the models.

The models.

A diamond performance for the models tonight.

They will each have a diamond necklace worth $5,000.

Congratulations to you both. Thank you. Great moves all night long.

And, ladies and gentlemen, the sexiest bowler of the night, that's up to you.

So you will have to call and register your vote for the sexiest bowler of the

night by calling 666-BOWL. That's 666-B-L-O-W-BOWL.

Call in now and register your vote for the sexiest bowler of the night.

Congratulations to all of you, and good night.