Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

[projector running]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

[monk chanting] [storm rumbling]

[church bells]

[monk chanting continues] [storm continues]

[lightning strike]

[storm fades out] [monk chanting softens]

[strange synthetic music]

From the darkest and greasiest corners of the Earth.

I have traveled. From Hell below to Heavens above.

From the dark side of the moon to planet Caravan.

I have indulged in the sickest and sexiest fantasies known to mankind.

I am Ramirez Hishkenstien.

Welcome to Hishkenstien After Dark.

[ominous laughter]

[mysterious piano music]

[loon call]

Man: This is it, babe.

Girl: Are you sure?

Of Course, I'm sure.

This is the only gravestone this far out...

from the cemetery.

Okay.

Babe, you know, we can-we can just go home and be freaky.

We-we don't have to, like, do it in a cemetery.

You don't take my art seriously.

Of course I do, Andy.

-It's just-- -No, no, don't call me Andy anymore!

I told you, my name is fucking Andromalius.

and I am the earl of Hell!

Sorry.

Don't you want me to be successful?

My fucking band isn't going to do shit.

Hate my mom's new boyfriend

and we gotta move out of that camper now!

But, don't you think maybe you can find something

to bring in a little money while you're chasing your dreams?

Don't patronize me!

[lantern Squeak]

[grass crunching]

Put your hands on the planchette.

Why me?

Uhh...

Because they're expecting a pure, Catholic, virgin type

and not, ya know, big, strong, intimidating man.

uh, ya know, because I-I scare a lot of people.

A lot.

Andy, I-I don't-I really don't think I'm comfortable with this.

Christ on a kebab.

[ding]

I command thee to come forth.

[hellish screams]

For which we crave your knowledge.

[rumble]

You desire only...

what you can provide.

I command thee!

[scratch]

I demand thee!

Rise!

[squishing]

Rise!

Rise!

[ding]

I need you, Ramirez!

I need to feel your knowledge inside me!

Penetrate me with your brain, God damn!

Man, I need this so bad.

My life sucks!

My girlfriend won't sleep with me.

I live in a trailer, God.

I'm a good boy.

I'm a good wan.

[gust of wind]

[loon call] [bugs buzzing]

[faint] That's a Good Wan

What are you "ooo"ing about? Durr.

[twig snap]

Oh my God...

You came!

Oh-oh my God...

I came!

[laughs]

We came together!

[ripping testicles]

[dripping blood]

[squish]

[distorted screams]

[choking] [blood squirting]

[choking]

[groans]

[twinkling fingers]

[smack]

[thud]

[dripping blood]

[dun dun]

[music fades out]

One thing's sure.

Inspector Clay's dead.

Murdered.

And somebody's responsible.

[Home Sweet Underworld (Flesh Biscuit) by Jayme Caruso]

♪Flesh is best when raw♪

♪Sends spires down below♪

♪The path to evermore♪

♪Fires burn, dreams return, the call of cerberus realm♪

♪Claw the earth beneath me, return me to my home♪

[windmill creaking]

[wind blowing]

[Where you gonna go by Art Guy]

Ramirez: Hollywood has removed my balls.

Castrated like a dog

at Bob Barker's house.

My genitals have been left to drip dry.

Rotting in the day

like the sun-dried tomatoes.

Creatively I am stripped.

The tools given to me to create

have been removed.

How can thou create with no pencil

no ink?

I have been left to chase the last

pale light.

Lingering in the west.

Wandering the earth.

As a vampiric atomic zombie

from planet nine

of the seventh layer of hell.

The sexy region.

I cannot leave this sphere of consumers

corporate assembly line trash

until my earthbound purpose is complete.

[crow cawing]

[music fades out]

Gah!

Hmm

♪Boom shack-a-lak are the brand new style♪

♪Oh yeah Boom shack-a-lak♪

[grunts]

[rustling paper]

[grunts]

[rustling paper]

Whoa! What the fuck?

The devilishly devious hex diablos!?

Featuring the relics of Ramriez!?

Watatsumi!

Curses to you, Hex!

[groans in anger]

[thud]

You'll rue this day!

[Acid Jazz music]

[windmill creaking in distance]

And that's why the identity of the trinity is false.

Yeh.

If you reject it and seek salvation...

of our true Father.

Yuh.

His love, is forgiveness.

Right.

Yeh.

I'm sure you've done some things...

in your time that have been a little bit questionable.

Yeh.

Right?

Right.

A little-little silly.

Yeh.

And I've heard some stories.

I'll tell you what I haven't done.

Definitely haven't went down to skid row

paid some homeless man...

to tongue, flick, tickle my nipples.

That'd be silly.

Yeh!

[thwack]

This-this book, it's all we need.

Right.

Guides us just like the stars from the light.

Yeh...

The heat of the Lord, am I right?

Yeh.

He'll take us on this journey.

[metal rattle]

I know he will.

Would've been nice if...

we had a little...

blessed water with us right now.

Yeh.

I don't see nothing in sight.

But we are powered by our Lord

and we will keep going.

Ah, yeh.

The words in this...

this here are holy scripts.

[liminal space music]

Now, we must follow...

day in

day out

Yeh yuh huh.

As the sun shines...

we feel his heat.

And we are forgiven.

Am I right?

Yeh.

You feel this?

Uhhh yeh.

Is that...

is that a yeah as in, a no?

or...

a yeah as a...

yeh?

Yeh no.

Oh my goodness!

Come on, Hebob!

Ma'am!

Ma'am!

Ma'am, are you okay?

Are you okay?

Where-where'd you come from?

What happened to you?

You alright? We're out here.

You're bleeding!

You okay?

Do you have a moment to talk about our true Lord and Savior?

[robotic warp]

Good, good, good, good. I'm-I'm sure you have questions as anyone would.

You see...

this

this right here, this book...

this is what we're all destined to a part of.

Starting here.

Have you-Have you ever heard of this book before?

This is the true telling of our entire lives and what is most important.

The New World Translation of the Holy Script.

New World.

Ramirez: Hmm, yes.

You can hear me now, eh?

I'm in your head.

It's almost like a part of me is inside you.

[robotic warp]

Hmm, You like Ramriez inside you.

Yes, you do.

Listen, I have worked for you to do.

[finger snap]

So I am making you my servant.

I'm assigning you a very important task.

I give you the power of the Good Wan!

Hmm, yes, creamy and pink.

Like an undercooked piece of flanksteak.

Hmm.

Flanksteak

You are Femmesteak!

[pig squeals] [choking]

[monk chanting]

[feet scuffling]

[fart]

[pitched] Ah!

[pitched] Ah!

[pitched] Ah!

I love it, Ramirez.

No, no, Jehovah.

Ramirez!

[screams in terror]

Come on, Hebob!

Get the Je-Hell outta here!

[shoe scuff]

[shoe scuff]

[music fades out] [monk chanting fades out]

[The Quests Shadows in The Night]

The Devilishly Delicious

Hex Diablos, Hex Diablos, Hex Diablos.

[music fades out]

Remnants of the mind.

The brain.

The skull.

Fractured memories upon...

The surface...

of this mallet.

Used by serial killer Jed Marshall.

During a home invasion.

One of the last objects used by Ramirez Hishkenstien.

To finish his final film.

You see in his final days.

Ramirez was attempting to finish a movie showing the darker side of human nature.

This was the shovel they did it with.

Jed.

Lyle.

Mary!

[masturbating]

Do I hear $6,000?

[phone ringing]

[picks up phone]

Yes, you are on the Hex Diablos show.

Do I hear a bid for $6,000?

Fuckleberries!

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Am I live?

This is Hex.

Wow, really?

Hey, hey, you can hear me okay, right?

Yes.

Now you're able to make out what I'm saying, yes?

Isn't there a video of you somewhere making sweet, sweaty ass...

coitus with a goat?

[goat bleats]

God damn it!

[deep breath]

That only happened once.

Why doesn't anyone care that I'm selling unique and tart items of Ramirez!

[deep sigh]

[tv turns off]

[That's My Dream by The Quests]

[digs through bowl]

[unwraps candy]

[chewing]

[leather stretching]

[chews loudly]

[fabrc slids off]

[squeaking plastic]

[knocking]

Help!

[sensual jazz plays]

You called the cops, right?

Well, yeah, but...

You know, it's Halloween and everyone is just

prank calling them left and right, so...

I-I dunno.

So...

Do you think your boyfriend...

is alive?

I hope so.

Thank you for letting me stay here.

Of course.

Anytime.

What's all that stuff?

Oh, that's my collection.

I, uh...

sell rare and expensive items to highbrow art dealers.

Wow.

That sounds really important.

and expensive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[music fades out]

[metal clasp clinking]

[leather tightening]

[wood squeaks]

So you're kinda dark, huh?

I guess I can see myself a...

deliciously dark individual.

Yeah.

[hypnotic warping]

Well, I'd like something...

deliciously dark.

[dress falls to ground]

[balloon streching]

[boing]

[knocking]

You should get that.

[door creaks open]

[screen door creaks open]

[thud]

[heavy metalic movement]

[light flickering]

Hello?

[eerie screech]

[gun cocks]

[faint] Trick or treat!

IYOOOO!

[blood squirt]

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Well, aren't you going to let me in?

I'm the lesbian witch vampire from Hell, come on!

I love it, Ramirez.

Hmm, yes, that's right, it's a good wan. Here I come.

[wet footsteps]

[wood creaks]

[wood creaks]

Oh, you look pretty good in red, huh?

What do you think of me looking green?

I love it, Ramirez.

Yes, people say, "Oh, you're too green for industry, Ramirez."

Alright, good job.

Mmm, this is my show now.

[audience clapping]

[laughter]

Hello! Have you missed Ramirez?

Because I really missed you.

Welcome to Hishkenstien: After Dark!

Praise Crowley!

Man: Yeah!

For my return has been granted by the gods below.

For I'm a man of earth.

Big changes are amongst us my children.

For we are approaching the year of 1970'Satan.

Technology is evolving and Ramirez cannot be a relic of the past.

I present to you some rare new finds of mine.

Memorabilia and unfunded memories from the past.

Rejected from the studio I used to call home.

Now delegated to this small little brick of polyester plastic.

The future is strange.

[groans]

[crash] [angry cat]

But now I am in your home.

I no longer have to wait for you to come to mine.

Of which I have called...

The cinema...

movie theaters...

The opera of orgasms.

You are all good wans.

Anyways.

This first tale of masturbatory...

madness...

comes from my early days.

Some days you feel your absolute worst.

You just gotta sit on the crapper.

Breathe it all in.

And let it all out.

We all have those days.

Man: Yeah!

But look at me now. I am a perfect magician.

[sucking spit]

Anyways, check out this succulent flesh biscuit.

A number I like to call...

The Satanic Stool.

[distored audience cheering]

[liminal space music]

[funky slow jazz music]

[VHS ejects]

Ramirez: What? What's going on? Oh, I always gotta...

fucking do everything myself.

Ah, here it is.

[music continues]

Okay, now it's working.

Hey, well, uh-uh, welcome to my movie.

I guess I will be-be talking through it. Uh...

This is the dastardly demonic director's commentary

from Ramirez's Heishkenschteen.

This is my-my-my first shitty movie.

Very, very proud to bring it to you.

Sorry, I'm kinda busy over here eating some

popcorn, but here we are.

Oh, yeah, sex!

Ooh, Satan.

That's a good wan. I'm a good wan!

Oh, yes, the door. What does the door mean?

There's always a door.

Did not have good money, so the camera's, uh...

I don't know why there's a blue filter, but it works, it works.

[heavy breathing]

Oh my God.

Oh...

Whoop, sorry, buddy.

Oh, what the fuck?

What?

No, dude, I've gotta take a shit.

Oh, what?

-Please let me go first

I gotta shit so fucking bad.

Oh, guess what?

I gotta take a fucking shit too, nerd.

Guess what? Your shit outta luck, buddy.

-Oh, you're already a piece of shit.

You don't need to go.

Hey, I don't care.

I don't care!

Please, my stomach, it hurts.

Please!

I gotta take a shit, I gotta take a shit!

I hope it crawls right back up inside you.

Fuck you.

I curse you!

Oh, man, look, he's on his knees, uh...

Oh, so dramatic.

I curse you, you piece of shit.

Shit...

I curse you with the poo-poo!

Whoo! Rightful place on my throne, boy.

Maybe if you were a fucking real man

you wouldn't be down on the ground with IBS and shit.

Fuck you.

I'mma have me a taste of that poo-poo platter, boy.

Have a nice night.

Ah so, yes, this was, uh...

actual footage of my, um, New York City apartment. um...

Yes, what would happen is, uh, you know, I-I had one of my best friends.

His name was Raghu Ram Habibi.

And he had a great food cart, and he would, uh, he'd always sell me a, oh...

"Oh, Ramirez, you must have a lamb sage kebab!"

And I'd say "Raghu, are you sure I can handle this kebab?"

and...

Oh, he was very tricky.

He'd always make me buy it.

And I was always...

shitting here, of course, and, um...

As you can see

I used all the toilet paper.

Oh!

Oh, ho, ho!

God, this is making me hungry!

[monk chanting]

My movie's so artistic.

That's what you get, you piece of shit!

See, the real metaphor here is the, the, the piece of shit character...

He turns into the piece of shit.

[sound stops abrutly]

[angelic singing]

Trick or treat!

The devil is coming, my friends!

Here!

We must be saved!

There is but one way!

Oh, you could be hotdog

I'm not gonna lie.

I think I might be dead.

Create!

We need to all be on the same page.

Do you not know what you put your drink, girl?

You're drinking staight fucking vodka.

-I'm honestly--

Hm-hmm.

Jehovah.

He's our lord, in the same!

What happened to the...

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm saying, like, you're pretty hot.

What's going on?

Do bring us the light!

Here!

Here!

We roll together!

This is the only way!

Must all listen, gather around!

Come here!

Can't I get an amen?

[angry crowd]

I need an amen!

Come on!

[distant laughter]

Don't be gay!

Look me the other way!

Boo!

He's our lord!

No!

Fuck you dude!

Fuck!

[yells in pain]

Fucking!

Damnit!

God, fucking Jehovah!

On a fucking pirate ship!

She's butt-fucking wild!

God!

Ah!

Oh, I've sinned.

Ah!

Yeh.

Hm, I don't know, it's

cause I'm a sexy wan. Oh?

Who is this?

Hmm, oh, yeah.

You like the lollipop?

Oh, you're such a good at the good wan

Oh, oh, lollipop.

Oh, you-you like it here?

Come over here on the-on the thing, oh!

All right, 69 now, oh!

Oh, lollipop. Oh, that's a good wan, hm!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, Ramir-

Oh, Ramirez, you're...

Oh, Ramirez!

What are you doing?

Oh, yes, right there, like an American!

Oh, okay, ah, now...

Now there's so much cum everywhere.

Okay, what do you want to do next? Huh?

Oh, oh, geez, oh, hey!

Welcome back to Hishkenstien: After...

Dark! Uh...

Um...Blah, blah, blah

Um, Whatever. Uh...

Here's the next one, it doesn't matter. Uh...

[slurps spit]

Ah! Government took my baby!

[metalic violin strings]

The Gourds of Wrath.

It is like...

Grapes of Wrath, but not really, It's just about pumpkins

Ah, Halloween, my favorite holiday.

[chokes]

Oh, what a-what a cool hairstyle.

Not!

Trick or treat, smell my feet.

Let me suck on your mother's teet.

I used to find...

short people...

and bully them on the streets.

Hmwah!

Suck on that!

Eugh!

Oh, I'm so edgy.

Hello, Gourd-geous!

Great curves.

Oh, yeah.

[whip]

[moan]

Oh, yeah.

The pumpkin's actually the-the first thing I ever got to touch.

[stab]

[stab]

Oh, sweet pumpkin.

Oh, oh you caress me.

Fuck Halloween.

Okay.

Fuck everybody hiding in their little...

...mask, putting on their little fake faces.

Just not right?

It's not very honest.

You gotta be yourself.

Just goin'...

faking.

Oh, look.

I'm a horse!

Don't talk to stop signs in your free time.

That's bullshit, dude.

I'm myself all the time

I don't need to dress up like a monster.

Okay, I've probably talked to one pole or two in my life.

I'm not gonna lie.

Oh!

[music fades out]

[squishy movement]

Oh, bread?

-Knives?

Welcome back to our pumpkin

carving special.

-Oh, my God.

Be sure to select a sharp knife.

Yeah, that's right.

-This is what happens when you do not respect Halloween.

-You turn into a pumpkin

And carve around the stem carefully

Oh, yeah.

Oh, stab that head!

Don't worry.

Your pumpkin won't feel a thing

Oh...

[cracking]

[static] [scream]

Oh, God.

[stabing] [cracking]

Get as creative as you'd like with the eyes...

and voila!

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

I know, ladies and gentlemen, you ever...

You ever looking for that fourth hole?

Well it's in the eye!

You're off to a great start.

Great start.

[garble]

Did you enjoy that?

[upbeat jazz music]

Well, I don't care.

I did.

Did you cheat death?

Hm?

No?

Exactly.

Anyways, I have a special guest joining me tonight.

An old...friend from, you know

back when I would have to fight for flanksteak on the streets.

Welcome to the stage, Skid Row Joe!

I've seen JFK get killed...

I was sitting in the car with him.

You don't know what the war was like, man!

You don't know!

I've seen babies with machine guns.

[crying babies] [machine guns]

[groans in anguish]

[pop]

[sucking]

Hm. Hm.

Hm.

Hm.

Hm.

Give me that

Need to get back to work, huh?

Many years ago, we did peyote together and, um...

You know, we-we wrote that film, uh, Holy Mountain

Oh, God, what a mess!

Um...

Was that character, Jodorosky, I dunno...

He bought it off of me for $30 and a handful of flanksteak.

That was my shot at fame!

[growling]

Oh, our claim to fame, oh.

Oh, sorry, Skid Row Joe.

Anyways, Skid Row Joe--

[screaming]

Demons, walk amongst us?

I am the eye of Crowley.

And yet you follow this mixed faith bastard of Levee?

I see all.

I hear all.

And what are you?

Strike me down if you can or drink from me!

All hands on the poopdeck!

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck, I mean, yes, he's right.

I am, um, multi-faith, you know.

A little bit of -ism a little bit of -isity. Uh...

Anyways, uh, the final movie is-is coming next! And uh...

Thank you, everyone.

Everyone say thank you to

Skid Row Joe for coming.

[cartoon running]

Our next movie is...

Esoteric...

[smack]

Lesbian something of the Black Lagoon.

[slurps spit]

Skid Row Joe: You can't snort this cocaine, baby.

You gotta put it in your ass!

Ramirez: Uh, Skid Row, Skid Row, uh.

You're not supposed to be smoking in the theater.

Truffle fries and sex toys, baby!

[squirting liquid]

[shaking bag]

[lights joint]

[squirts liquid]

Last time I jacked off...

laying on my back like that...

seeing dead babies!

Terrible, Skid Row.

Well, here, let's watch the movie.

He wouldn't have made this sky so fuckable!

Yeah, this is kind of making me want the jerk off.

But, uh, no, hey, don't get any ideas, Skid Row.

Let's pull our cocks out right now.

OK, no, no, no, no.

Pull it out!

Uh, audience, do not pull your cock out.

♪They call me the captain...♪

[moans]

Yeah.

♪The captain of my own ship!♪

[moans]

Oh, this-this is my eternal happiness!

Oh, look at the sky.

It's beautiful, don't you?

A shooting star, make a wish.

[man screaming]

[drinking]

[moaning]

[heart beating]

No, no, no more!

I miss you.

Hey, look at me, I put myself in my movie!

Oh.

Oh, you're just full of shit, aren't you?

You're just so conceited.

That's-that's what I feel like doing to my wrist...

wha-by seeing you in the fucking movie!

That smoke reminds me of crack

That's how I woke up this morning.

I woke up...

laying...

right next to some butt cheeks.

Oh.

-Big booty butt-cheeks.

Maybe next time you can invite me?

Holy grail!

What the hell?

Isn't this beautiful, this grass?

Fuck grass, I want crack!

Whatever makes you happy.

[distant footsteps]

[heavy breathing] [groans]

Skid Rows smoking, this character is smoking.

[flicks lighter]

I hope he puts a PCP on there.

Hmm, yes.

Oh, I love to get high too.

Want some of this Alaskan tail fuck?

Uh, sure! Why not?

Uh, let's get high for this movie.

It's kind of boring right now.

No, no

Un-unbutton your pants

Skid Row!

Un-button your pants!

Yes?

Hey man.

[rustles paper]

Are you Mr. Spunkface?

Yeah, Mr. Sploogent

I am Ted Sploogent

Ah, fantastic, hey there.

Hey, did you know that your vehicle...

is parked on government property?

I'm sorry.

No.

Yes.

As a matter of fact, this property is owned by the US government

and Military Services.

It was purchased about 12 months ago.

What? Why?

Do I need to know why?

No, they just tell me what to do.

And I'm here to let you know that you're evicted.

You need to get the fuck out.

Wait.

I'm sorry.

I don't understand

Oh yeah?

There's-there's nothing out of here, okay?

Am I supposed to understand that there is a, another resident out here?

A misses--

No!

Never mind

You even watched that scene? The government is here.

Why have you not commented on how beautiful the set is?

Everything is green...

Oh, I know this.

That's the Vietnamese...

Space Monkey Herpes!

I've seen that shit.

I felt it.

I had that shit, motherfucker.

Look at him.

He can't even walk.

Stumbling on the ground.

He's probably foaming at the mouth.

He's got no shoes on.

He's delusional!

Yeah, we did not have that type of funding.

No shoes.

[door closes]

Woman: You hurt me!

Ted: I'm sorry, I thought that...

You thought?

It's what I was told to do!

When are you going to separate us from work?

I'm not your fucking whore!

[crying]

Oh, oh my God.

There is no difference.

Will you just shut up and listen to me!?

Where is the love, Ted?

I feel no embrace!

You just want to hurt me, physically.

I just want your touch, your love and you just want to

break me every single godforsaken time!

Our ability to love is our ability to trust each other!

My trust, I cannot give.

Not to you, not anymore.

No! No, no, please!

No more.

No!

He's having a true crack pandemic going on.

So he's going through withdrawals of crack.

That's what you're saying?

That's what you perceive in this movie?

I know so.

Oh, yes.

I haven't had crack today.

I've been thinking about shaving your face off with a cheese grater.

Until you give me some money till I can afford some fucking crack.

Oh, yes.

Bitch, nigga

I don't care--

♪Bitch, nigga!♪

What did I tell you about calling me...

that bitch word!

♪Captain bitch nigga!♪

You know, if there was a green word that I could say, I would say it.

That's racist.

What the fuck is he eating?

Even when I was on the streets

I was eatin' better than that, baby.

I'm think it is uh...

I was eating shrimp fried cod for breakfast.

Oh, shit!

That's elk penis.

Holy cock.

That's elk penis.

Well, this man, he's actually a porn star if-if you didn't...

If you couldn't tell.

Nur!

Yes, by the size of his cock.

Is yours that big?

When I put a ruler down to my butt crack.

Mine's that big.

You got-you got an inside out penis--

You know, I brought you to

watch this movie.

to give me compliments.

You're not giving me any compliments about this movie.

It's starting to piss me off.

I'm-

I'm just hungry!

-Oh, my fucking goodness -Oh, oh yeah...

It's supposed to be a drama.

I hope they make an Ramirez blow up doll soon, you know?

So all the ladies can fuck it!

Look at them wrinkly ass titties.

Each titty got about three double chins!

[woman moans]

[demonic whispering]

I've been there before.

Back when the aliens abducted me.

That's a symptom.

When I fell through hell, this is what...

This is how I felt.

Is this real?

I didn't see you there.

Where were you?

Why do we have to blur this out?

Look at how happy she is! Look at...

Look at my actress.

Why are women so short?

They need to drink more milk.

Why is she so shocked?

[radio transmissions]

Aw, look at this, it's a happy ending, they're hugging...

I love happy endings.

She's titty-fucking his belly button.

With the isosceles--

Hey, don't-don't use my accent!

Tell me this is real!

This is happiness.

[heavenly music]

Either he done Krispy Kreme'd his arm...

or...

He done got a cheetah tattoo.

Yes, I-I don't want to tell you the ending.

Hey, hold-hold the fuck up!

Why did he have black face?

Why'd he ha--

[ominous music]

[footsteps]

[knocking]

[banging]

[subtle whispering]

[whoosh]

[faintly] That's a good wan.

Yes, that's a good wan.

[violin strike]

[meanacing laughter]

[metal scrape]

[metal creaking]

[ripping flesh]

[chainsaw]

[thud]

[jaguar call]

[tiger growl]

[demonic] I love it, Ramirez!

[flesh ripping]

[pop] [thud]

Wow, those were...

Those are some good wans, ey?

We have come to an end.

[sad] Audience: aww...

You know, I look back at my movies and my art, and...

I see that I can no longer shock myself.

I guess that means I'm ready for Hell!

Man: Hell yeah!

But, I still feel unfulfilled.

Does that mean something?

Anything?

Cause Ramirez cannot shock himself?

Hm.

That's a good wan to think about.

[audience audible ponders]

[bell rings]

It has come to my attention...

that the only way I can shock myself...

is to shock myself!

So-so I am going to shock myself

[drinking paint]

My children...

I hate to leave you in this state of lesser being

However!

If you continue to follow the ways of Ramirez.

One day, you can join me in Hell too.

[unclasp book]

[orchestra strings]

[buzzing flies]

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Ramirez wants to go to Hell too!

By the dripping of the cum, something sexy this way comes.

Ugh, I don't know how to read.

[crash]

[cat yowls]

[click]

[Home Sweet Underworld (Metal version) by Jayme Caruso]

[scream]

[buzzing] [crackling]

♪The path to evermore♪

♪Fires burn, dreams return--

[electricity zaps out]

[clack]

[Skid Row Joe laughs]

He's dead, bro.

[flash] [boom]

[chime music]

[screaming]

Researchers discovered a weak spot in the ozone layer

over Antarctica.

AIDS is caused by a virus.

Probably a new virus.

[indiscernible radio broadcast]

[flushes toilet]

The vice presidents office has now tested positive for coronavirus.

Wildfire blazing through Greece and Turkey have horrified people in the region.

[screaming]

[light flickering]

[distant crowd chatter]

Get out of the streets, you stupid fuck!

[buzzing]

[static]

Ramierez: Mmm, home sweet Hell.

[fluorescent light buzzing]

Rameriez: It looks different

[sniffs]

Rameriez: Mmm, smells of gentrification.

Ahem, uh, fellow sinner.

Do you know are there any...

good wans playing at this establishment?

[kazoo]

GAH!

I assure you there are many, good wans.

The fuck?

[laughter]

Dude, you are killing it right now.

No, stop. Did you not get the memo?

I am the real Ramirez!

Yeah, no, yeah, no. I am the real Ramirez.

[laughter]

Shut up!

No, you shut up!

I am the real Ramirez!

Okay, alright. If you're the real Ramirez...

Why are you green?

That's because I came back from the dead.

You know I'm from...

I'm a vampire lesbian witch from planet...

Oh, it doesn't fucking matter.

No, no, it doesn't.

Because I think the real Ramirez would have came up

with something way better than that.

You cannot say that to me!

I just said it.

[groans in anger]

The whole voice thing, dude.

Just not really vibing with it.

You are a lousy Hishkenstien!

I'll give you something to vibe with.

It's him!

[muscle car revs]

[car door opens]

[boot stomp]

How are my good wans?

[crowd cheers]

Who's ready for some sex, death, and pure entertainment?

I'm ready, I'm ready for the sex!

Ah, ahem!

There is going to be no entertainment.

You are just going to be playing my movies

and I'm not going to be getting any royalties.

Where's the money?

Would you shut the hell up, man!

No, it is YOU who needs to shut up.

Oh, really?

[western guitar music]

[exhales]

Oh, ho ho, it's not a good wan

Why would I do that?

Because you are cheap imitations.

Anyone can dress like this, man.

It's just for the fun of the art.

You can dress like this if you pulled that stick out of your ass.

[scoff]

Even he is having a good time.

Oh!

Hey, I'm just happy to be up here.

That nightlife is my movie.

Every morning, couples, young couples leave their

curtains open so they can make hot monkey love.

And-and I can't stop thinking about it.

What are you talking about?

But little, little do they know...

There's a moon up there, a man in the moon!

With a front-row seat to the land of...

Bukkake!

[squirt]

I think you should leave, clown.

Yeah, you're ruining your own screening.

Clown.

That's it.

You've all forced me to conjure up, my supernatural powers...

from planet sexy!

[grunts]

[high pitched whistle]

[wub wub wub]

[window wipe] [crunchy, gluppy, liquid]

[tiger hiss] [snake hiss]

Gah!

[crowd cheers]

You slap like a lady.

Where are your balls?

I was about to ask you the same thing.

[dazed moan]

Treason!

Mutany!

Stop...

Stop! What are you doing!?

[crunch]

[blood squirting] [high pitched screaming]

[laughter]

[cheering]

[sizzle]

Yeah! Kick him!

Oh, that-that-uh-uh

I'm gonna...

Oh that's good shit.

That's really good shit.

[screams incoherently]

[splat]

[screams in pain]

[dun dun]

[I'm For Things You Do by The Enfields]

♪Your time's gone you try some, thing that you have lost♪

♪And with you, inside you leave at your own cost♪

♪You’ll find them, behind them you've got good things, too♪

♪Come over, shove over I'm for things you do♪

♪Girl, I’m for things you do♪

♪Say to me, you knew me way before my time♪

♪You love me, you love me and without a dime♪

♪You'll find them, behind them you've got good things, too♪

♪Come over, shove over I'm for things you do♪

♪Girl, I’m for things you do♪

♪Everything's all tired and the way I feel tonight♪

♪Bad things fade away and the good things come out right♪

♪Oh, oh, oh♪

♪Say to me, you knew me way before my time♪

♪You love me, you love me and without a dime♪

♪You'll find them, behind them you've got good things, too♪

♪Come over, shove over I'm for things you do♪

♪Girl, I’m for things you do♪

♪Girl, I’m for things you do♪

[Dancing The Devil Away by Don Voohees and Charles Kaley]

♪Here comes the Devil♪

♪Oh here comes the Devil♪

♪Oh here comes the Devil♪

♪Oh the devil with the Devil says I♪

♪Look out for the Devil♪

♪Look out for the Devil♪

♪Look out for the Devil♪

♪Oh the devil with the Devil says I♪

♪Your so afraid of Old Man Satan♪

♪Now why don't you stop your hesitatin'♪

♪Your gonna be a long time dead♪

♪So the devil with the Devil says I♪

♪Your always givin' me the dickens♪

♪Telling me that life's no easy pickin's♪

♪But as long as I have fun♪

♪Well, the devil with the Devil says I♪

♪You can have your socialties♪

♪And your bingo for your fun♪

♪But the things I like to do♪

♪You stop me, one by one♪

♪Now even if you make me stronger♪

♪That ain't gonna make me live no longer♪

♪So even if I go to♪

♪Shhh♪

♪The devil with the Devil says I♪

♪Look out for the Devil♪ ♪Look out for the Devil♪

♪Oh the devil with the Devil says I♪

The accounts of Gordon Sawyer

aka Flanksteak, have been reported.

Yet what appeared to be scraps of leftover

flesh and bite radius markings on bone marrow

scraps found by investigative journalists

imply that his absence is not permanent.

You're all good wans...