Original subtitles

- Damn it. - Come on, Judy.

Open the door.

She's your daughter.

Eva will come around, I promise.

Look, okay, the plan sucked.

We probably shouldn't have tried to steal his phone

or try to grab his ass.

- Eva, I don't know how else to get through to you

and it really pisses me off

'cause you've got so much to offer.

You're so smart, you're so kind,

you're so beautiful.

Why are you trying so hard when the guy you're with

is so self-centered?

Darling, you need to wake up and realize,

you're dating a narcissist.

You call them players, call them fuck boys,

call them womanizers,

but what we're really dealing with psychologically

are narcissists.

They're wounded in childhood,

they have an intractable trauma reaction,

they cannot co-regulate, they do not mature emotionally.

It's painful for them,

but it is more painful for those they are involved with

because they act out when they are not

the complete center of attention.

Narcissistic red flags can be challenging to identify

because they often align with traits

that are celebrated in society.

Alexander the Great was a nark.

Who calls themselves the great, for Christ's sake?

Cuts off his ear to make his lover feel guilty, nark.

Colonized Mars

Sure you can, buddy.

Famous narcissists are easy to flag,

but every day, not so easy to spot

because they can be our friends, they can be our coworkers,

they can be our neighbors.

But when it is our lover.

I have designed this class to empower you

to recognize a narcissistic lover before it's too late.

Excuse me.

Prepare chapter three for when we meet next week.

Sorry about this, it's yours.

- Wait, Dr. Kaplan?

- Yeah. - Before it's too late

for what?

- For your psyche to be shattered completely.

- Oh you lying sack of shit.

Fool me thrice, shame on me.

What an ass hole.

Ha, you wanna play games, bitch?

I'm ready, I'm limber, I've stretched.

Let's go.

Get outta my office, get outta my life.

You love your shit out the window.

- Diane, Diane, they're calling campus security.

- Call 'em, the whole world should know

that Lauren Evans is a fucking liar.

She was supposed to be in court today

to finalize her divorce.

- Let me guess, she didn't show.

- No, no, no, she showed.

She was asking for a variance approval

so that she and her wife could build the back porch.

She's still very married, Judy,

not separated like she told me.

Should have seen me hiding behind a pillar

ducking and diving like a psycho.

My calves are sore.

Fuck, you see this chair?

I bought her this chair.

Expensive ass chair, you know I got her this

from West Elm, ungrateful.

It's heavy. - Diane, Diane,

you just calm down.

This isn't you, okay?

You're a very intelligent woman.

You have two degrees, it's okay.

You have a Brandelle prize.

Okay? - You're right.

You're right, God, what has happened to me?

- Dating a narcissist, she's a nark.

And women can be even more covert than the male variety.

- Judy, you and I are good friends,

but I hate when you call her that.

- You just don't wanna face the facts, honey.

- You don't either.

Narc is a narcotics agent.

I've been in the psych lounge, they say narcy.

- No, it's not narcy though.

It's not like a Disney character.

People need to be warned, it's that hard K

that really gets the point across, it's scary.

- Fine, fine.

But it doesn't mean Lauren is a narcissist.

- Okay, since you've been dating,

has her constant hot and cold behavior made you so anxious,

that you can't stop pooping?

- How'd you know that?

- Because your body knows what your brain does not.

That the Lauren you think you know is not the real Lauren.

She acts charmingly, but she's only out for her own gain.

You think Dr. Jekyll, Mrs. Hyde, anxiety poop.

- Jesus Judy, she's not that bad.

- But she is though.

- You still wanna be right, don't you?

- Diane, let me help you.

In the next few days,

you're going to wanna reach out to her.

You're to wanna make a phone call.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm never talking to her ever again.

- Okay, be that as it be,

if it happens, you just call me instead, okay?

Hey, anytime day or night.

Is that her?

- No, Stan, you tell the journal if they wanna get

my projections on the inverted yield curves,

they have to wait and read my paper like everyone else.

Patience is a virtue, have you heard of it?

How have you never heard of it?

It's Confucius, read a book.

How much?

- 22 years old and you're the entire

fucking package, darling.

Brains, beauty, loving heart, cute butt.

Looks like a damn peach.

Eva, you're blowing

up in here.

- Eva. - Huh?

- You're blowing up in here.

- Oh, sorry.

- Ooh, it is Gray Van's guy again.

You gotta hit him back.

- I know he's sweet, but I just-

- Broke? - No, he's actually

got a great job.

- Balding or something? - No.

- What, does he have a tooth that gets food

stuck in there all the time?

- No, thank God.

- Okay, then what is it?

- I just, I don't have that feeling.

- Oh, that feeling.

That's a high bar, babe.

- Yeah, but what about passion, Chloe?

- Passion fades.

- Oh my God, you sound like my mother.

Always tell me to be smart about guys,

but love, it's not smart, is it?

It's messy and it's torturous

and it's sublime. - Okay, Jane Austen, Jesus.

And I love your mother.

- Yeah, she is a keeper.

- The problem is when you first meet, they seem amazing.

- I gotcha.

You okay?

- And they make you feel as if you're in

some kind of fairytale.

- Yeah, it's just a sprain.

Ice and compression will help.

- Thank you so much, seriously.

I can't believe I'm such an awkward clutz.

- I love awkward clutzes.

- What? Are you flirting with me?

- What, me?

No, this is awkward.

- So gorgeous, charming, witty.

- It's really nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

Can I? - Yes, please, oh my God.

Sorry.

- I have something for you I think.

Yeah, this will help.

- But Cinderella's about to get fucked

and not in a good way.

- It's been weeks and all I do is think about her

day and night.

- Unscrambling your brain

after a narcissistic relationship is hard.

We have to find ways to calm your mind.

Neural pathway reset.

- If you could just let me call her once,

once. - No, no, no, no,

absolutely, no, no.

Once you hear her voice, it's going to spin you out.

Well, if you're really serious about moving on,

there's only one way to do that

and that is to follow the golden rule of no contact.

Cut off all communication.

Block her.

- Block her?

- Delete her.

You can do it, you can do it.

You don't wanna end up like Barb in statistics, do you?

- I haven't heard, did she die?

- No, that nark messed with her so badly,

she couldn't even, couldn't trust the weather report.

- Sweet Barb.

I'm not Barb.

Fine, okay.

Okay, I'll do it.

- Oh.

- Mom, hi.

- Hi.

Hi hon, how are you?

How's the semester going?

How are you?

- Mom, you are never gonna believe this,

I'm engaged.

- What? - His name is Theo

and he's amazing.

- Hi.

- What?

You're joking, right?

- No, mom, look at the ring.

Hello, mom?

- Oh, Judy. - Mom?

Mom?

- Oof, that went well.

- Well, you know, she'll love you, I promise.

- Engaged after six weeks?

I've had deli meat longer than that.

- You don't eat deli meat.

- From dating to engaged, it's classic fast forwarding.

Red flag.

- What's fast forwarding?

- Something that narks are known for.

Have you not read my book, Diane?

- I couldn't get past the list of people

you didn't wanna thank.

Wait, he's a hottie, 29 years old, perfect,

and he speaks French.

They're cute together, look.

- No, no, oh, he's love bombing her.

Oh, he's showering her with compliments and gifts

that seem too good to be true because they are.

Oh, look at this one, that is a classic nark move.

- What?

What's wrong with playing tennis?

- Oh, he probably doesn't even like tennis.

He's mirroring her, he's pretending to like everything

that she likes.

He's creating a false sense of security.

Makes her trust him.

- Damn, that's dark.

- Yeah, fast forwarding, love bombing, mirroring,

all red flags, Di.

- Okay, let's not jump to conclusions.

Eva's a very smart girl.

- Yes, but she's also incredibly sweet

and she wears her heart on her sleeve.

She's always been classic nark bait.

- Nark bait?

- Hey, read my book.

- Oh shit, Theo's a doctor.

That's good, right?

- No, that's worse than I thought.

You ever heard of the God complex?

- Okay, well then let's look at Eva's page.

See if she's posted about Theo.

They're like catalog models, my God.

Aw, look at you.

- No, no, no.

- Well, that escalated quickly.

You can't just barge in on Eva

and yell nark at the top of the Hollywood sign.

- Well, something like that.

- What about your classes?

- Ben. Ben can take care of them.

- This is not a good idea.

Eva is in love.

If you go all Judy on her, she'll cut you off.

- All Judy?

- Sorry, I know you mean well.

Isn't Eva coming here anyway at the end of the semester

for the show?

Come on, you could just check him out then.

- She needs me.

- Okay, okay, well fucking Bon Boyage.

- Okay, who's texting you?

I feel it.

- No one.

- Is that Lauren? - No.

No, yes, yes, yes, okay?

She just wants a chance to explain.

- No, she wants to lure you back

with some kind of sob story.

You've gotta go gray rock on her.

- What? - Zero emotions back.

Block her, delete her for God's sake like I told you, okay?

You can do it.

- I don't think I can do it.

I can't do it.

What? - You're addicted.

- Hey, hey, give me my phone. - Come with me.

Getting away will be still good for you.

Come on, trust me. - No.

- It's going to be good for you, I promise.

Come, come.

- Fuck it, I'm at rock bottom anyway.

Hey, can we at least pick up some clothes?

- Here goes nothing.

- Nothing like a red eye.

- Good can listen to the GPS. - It wasn't that bad.

Okay, never trust the GPS.

It's always misleading us.

Oh God, I hope she has a coffee machine.

Just grind the beans and I'll snort it.

- Hope she has a toothbrush.

- Oh, I forgot mine too.

- Oh, I meant for you, yeah.

- Okay.

- Is she home?

- Shall we get that? - No, they'll go away.

- Eva, are you home?

- Oh my God, my mother.

- What? - Oh my God, it's my mother.

Oh my God.

Okay, you've gotta get outta here.

- But I wanna meet your mother.

- Not like this, you don't.

Go, go, go. - Wait, wait, I can't

get out naked like this. - Out the back door, go, go.

- Eva.

Oh, surprise. - Oh my God, hi.

Hi.

- Well, you artsy.

- Come on in. - All right.

Barefoot, that's how they do it here.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Hello my, oh. - Hi, mom.

- Oh, what were you doing?

Looks like you're up to something fun.

- Sorta, yeah.

- Wow.

- I think that'll be the piece I submit for the show.

She's still a work in progress.

- It's really incredible, Eva.

- And she reminds me so much of-

- Of that sweet girl we saw in Pont Neuf.

- Yes, yes. - Yeah.

- You remember? - Yeah.

I mean, it's not every day you get surprised

with the trip to Paris.

- No, well, it's not every day that you get accepted

to one of the most prestigious arts programs in the country.

I'm just so proud of you.

So proud of you.

So proud of you.

So proud of you, so proud of you.

- So proud.

- Does this display sentimentality

mean you're gonna tell me why you're really here?

- Yes.

Well, I was tired, I needed a break.

- Break, you're on spring break.

- Spring break. - Spring break.

- Diane had never been here before.

- I've never been to LA.

We needed a break, so I thought I'd check out

the Gold Coast kind of. - Right, okay.

I love you, mom, but I also know you.

- I know. - And I know

that I didn't always listen growing up,

but I promise you that some stuff got through.

Like I understand, I understand we got engaged

really quickly and you're probably freaking out in all,

you know, red flag, Eva.

- Oh. - oh that's good.

- Thank you, but I don't know,

Theo's not like that.

I promise, he's...

He's incredible.

He's a doctor and he loves his family

and his dad was a diplomat.

So he's lived all over the world

and he knows everything about art and books and films

and I don't know.

I've tried to find a flaw, I swear, but I can't.

Even his sweat smells good.

- Yummy.

- Look, if you're here to try to talk me out of it,

you might as well turn around and go back home.

- No, I'm here to meet this non-odorous man

that's stolen your heart.

When can I meet him?

- I don't know.

- You don't know?

- Well, are you gonna be nice?

- When am I not nice?

- Tyler, who I went backpacking in Europe with.

- Oh, who? - No, Tyler.

He's the marine biologist. - This is not registering

- Tyler. - Tyler up in Monterey.

This guy, we dated almost a year.

- Oh, that guy.

The guy who says irregardless.

Well, I'm here, so yeah, I'm going to meet Theo, right?

- Okay, okay. - Okay?

Okay. - You'll get to see

just what kind of a guy he really is.

- Guys a fucking nark.

- You haven't even met him yet.

What do you have, narkdar or something?

There were no red flags.

Eva said nothing bad about him.

- Yeah, but I know my daughter

and she's deep in the idealization phase.

That's where everything's perfect and they're perfect

and you're perfect and can't keep your hands off each other.

Sex morning, noon, night.

- That sounds so fun.

- Yeah, well, it is fun.

- It's the honeymoon phase, isn't that normal?

- No, no, no because as soon as you're not perfect anymore,

that's when they move into phase two.

- Phase two?

- They devalue you.

They gaslight you, go cold on you, lie to you,

and when you beg them for a shred of truth,

then they say you're crazy.

- Oh, I hate that. - Yeah, the old,

you're crazy lady thing.

And then that goes on and on

until you do something totally bananas,

like spy on them or go through their mail

or accuse them of being in the mafia

and that's what triggers phase three, discard.

- And that is?

- Oh, what it sounds like,

you get thrown out like yesterday's garbage.

- Damn, you really think Theo is like that?

- Hello, my daughter just

booked us two rooms - Oh nice.

- under Kaplan.

- What brings you out west?

- Oh, just a little R and R.

- Well, you came to the right place.

Oh, my boss, the owner.

He's the sweetest man.

- I'm sure.

- Yeah, well, not my type.

Ugh, for you, my friend here might-

- My heart breaks for him.

He lost his wife a couple years ago.

- Oh, how'd he lose her?

Push her off a cliff?

- Judy. - Pardon?

- Oh, sorry, you'll have to excuse my friend.

She's hasn't had her meds.

- Thank you.

- Right down the hallway.

- Di. - Don't worry,

it's just the nark support group chat

with Barb from statistics.

- No, contacting Lauren.

- I'm not gonna send any sexy texty, okay?

I forgot my ring light.

- Yes, no photos to that soul sucking vampire.

Hey, you know, vampire literature

was all based on narcissism?

An extremely seductive stranger brings you close

only to suck the life out of you.

You didn't know that, did you?

- Oh. - Now you do.

- I think I'll watched Twilight tonight.

- Ah.

Tuscan columns and gothic windows.

- That's modern chique.

- It's large.

- His grandfather used to own a lot of the property.

He actually named him after him.

Theodore Dante Keller the third.

- What? He a third?

- Oh my God, I told you that.

- No, you did not, no.

- Mom, please, you told me he would try.

See what I see.

- There's my girl. - Here he is, hi.

- Judy, welcome.

Oh come on, we're huggers here.

Oh, I hope you don't mind.

Aw, welcome.

Come on in, come on in.

- Doesn't he smell delicious?

- Oh, here they are.

Judy, meet the Keller clan.

- Oh, hello. - It's such a pleasure

to meet you. - Yes, likewise.

- I'm Mary. - Hail, Mary,

I mean, hello Mary.

- These are my daughters and their husbands.

The whole family.

- So you have two sisters?

- Yes.

- And you're the only son.

- The baby. - He's my special one.

Born abroad.

That means my little prince.

- I know what it means.

- Oh, honey, there's just a little.

- What? - Oh, I don't know.

- Oh, what? - There.

- Thanks, mom. - There you go, all gone.

You wanna follow me?

Sunset's beautiful, come on, join us.

Beautiful sunset.

- They think they're royalty.

The first place you look is the parents.

They've built in a sense of entitlement from day one.

Too much coddling is corrosive.

- Eva's such a wonderful young woman.

You must be very proud of her.

- Oh, yes, yes.

And Theo, your son.

- Yes.

- He plays the guitar.

- He does. - Yes, yes.

You have a lovely view.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- I think it'll be perfect next month, don't you think?

- Yeah, beautiful next month.

Excuse me.

- The wedding is here next month.

But you knew that.

Honey, just play one more, would you?

- Listen to me, you don't have to do this.

You don't have to rush into this.

You can just wait.

- Okay, but we don't want to, we're in love.

We're soulmates.

- Major red flag.

Narcissists are always saying that soulmate

or it's the destiny or some other kind of cosmic bullshit.

They're really tricky.

They take your money, they take your dignity,

they push your boundaries.

It's the anal sex you said you never do.

- Maybe I like anal sex.

- Well, no, you don't, nobody does.

- I saw you sulking when Theo was playing guitar

and do not think I didn't hear that comment you made

about how much rare meat he ate.

- Narcissists have really weird eating habits.

We think it has to do with their left anterior insula,

has correlates to a vitamin deficiency.

- Do you know how insane you sound?

- Yes, I do. - Okay, if you can't

knock it off with all of this nark bullshit

and just be a regular mom who is happy for me

and watches me walk down the aisle and blows me a kiss,

I want you to go back to New York, okay?

- I'm not a regular mom.

This is my version of a kiss.

- Okay, yeah, sure.

Excuse me, Ms. Judy Kaplan.

Excuse me, Ms. Judy Kaplan. - Oh no, no, no.

Please don't.

- What?

- This.

- I'm sorry, I don't understand.

I'm the owner of the hotel.

- Oh, hello, owner.

- Oh, see, my father once taught me that

no matter how bad of a day you might be having,

someone else is probably fighting

really tough. - See, that's a line

men like you use.

- Men like me?

- Good looking men who make it their hobby to prey on women.

My father, blah, blah, blah.

And what, do you use that line three times a week

on three different women and they go to bed with you?

- Wow.

- Wow what? I'm not right?

You're standing here, ain't you?

- I just wanted to give you this.

You forgot it when you checked in.

- Oh, my license. - Yeah.

- New Yorkers.

- The linen is just so soft here.

- This is your room?

- Yeah. Nice, right?

- That receptionist hates me.

- Look at the balcony.

This is my vision board.

And I think the cows are happier here.

Look, try this cheddar.

Just a bite.

What? No cheese?

What's going on?

You're all in your head.

- Another part of this nightmare

is that I keep ruminating about Edward.

- Wait, your ex's name is Edward?

I've never heard you say his name before.

It's always ex-nark or nark clown

or my personal favorite, the great destroyer.

- Edward Xavier James the third.

- No, he's a third?

That's a red flag.

- You've been reading my book.

- Well, no contact is hard.

I had to distract myself somehow.

So tell me, how did you of all people

end up with an Edward?

- Oh, it's so typical, I don't wanna talk about it.

I was 22 years old, I had just won the Rhodes Scholarship.

- Okay, that's not typical, but go on.

- One of 32 people in the United States,

the only one from Killington, Vermont, I can tell you that.

They threw me a parade.

My girlfriends took me to New York to celebrate.

We went ice skating in Prospect Park.

I was just there with my girlfriends,

I'm minding my own business,

and he's staring at me like I'm some kind of arcade prize.

He can't take his eyes off me

and I just fell for the whole thing.

He put my cold hand in his warm pocket,

blew a snowflake off my eyelash.

- Who are you?

- Then he took us all out to dinner.

It's complete bukkake.

- I don't think that means what you think it means.

- By the time I figured out who the real Edward was,

it was too late.

I was married, I was pregnant, I never went to Oxford,

I never went anywhere.

- How can you say that?

Look at your career.

You're a writer, a psychologist,

a professor at a top college.

- Doesn't matter, I gave him too many years of my life.

- Kind of hard on yourself, Jude.

- And this time it's my daughter and if I can't protect her.

- Okay, just because it happened to you

doesn't mean it's happening to her.

- Well, I don't want her throwing her life away.

You know what that's like.

- Don't attack me on a balcony.

Keep your voice down.

- Well, you're giving her life,

she's giving her life away.

- Oh, don't do that.

- I'm just semi off focus.

You know what, just stay out of it.

It's fine, let's think.

Oh, I just started reading that part

where you talk about how narcissists can't stay faithful.

- Yeah.

- Well, if Theo's actually an nark,

then Eva's gonna find something incriminating soon enough.

- Right, right.

We've gotta find a secondary supply.

- What? I haven't gotten that far.

- Narks, they have incredibly fragile egos.

They need a steady stream of validation.

That's their supply.

So Eva is his primary supply,

that means he must have a secondary supply

around another woman.

- Wait, so that's all I was to Lauren?

Her secondary supply.

- Yep, that's all you were.

Oh, no, no, no, you're incredibly special.

You are so brilliant and you have incredible fashion sense.

Look at those shoes.

- Well, it's a pop of color.

I'm good at what I do.

- Well, I hope they're ready to hit the pavement

so we get some dirt on Theo.

- Wait, we're not gonna stalk him.

- Gonna stalk him.

- We're stalking Theo, okay.

Let me change

- There he is.

- Well, yeah, he looks like a real ass hole.

- Yeah, well, it's an act.

- What do you think this is?

We are the ones acting here.

- Oh, Mr. Do Gooder nark, huh?

- There's different kinds now?

- Well, I could get into the clinical names,

but this type likes to rescue all the puppies.

There's the schwartzenegger nark obsessed with their bodies,

there's Broadway nark whos talent's gone to his head,

there's the know it all nark

think they're the smartest person in the room

and they all need their supply.

Oh, look at this.

He's going to get hit off of flirting with a nurse.

- He's being very professional.

- I saw a little something.

He could have a whole harem of supply.

- A harem, what is this? The crucible?

- What?

Wrong reference, babe.

Keep eyes on him.

Oh, secondary supply alert, secondary.

- What?

- You take this one.

- It's Eva.

- It's Eva? - It's Eva.

- It's not Eva. - It's Eva, look.

- It's Eva?

- Okay, you know what?

It's not too late to actually go do something fun.

Like, I kinda wanted to go see where they filmed "Jaws".

I need to pee.

- Look at that body language.

Do you see how he's lording over her?

- Lording? He has his arm around her.

- No, but do you see how it's draped?

And it's like he owns her.

The next thing you know, it's gonna be controlling

her every thought, her every move.

- Lauren used to kiss me like that.

Her lips were like hot little pillows.

- Yeah.

"50 Shades of Gray" nark.

- Oh my God, how many kinds are there?

- Two please.

- What's a "50 Shades of Gray" nark?

- You know the kind who obsess over your body

and then they become pathologically jealous

of anyone or anything that comes near you.

You become their blow up doll of possibilities

until your nether regions become so sore and raw,

you can't even sit down.

Or conversely, the kind to make all these promises to you

and how great it's going to be.

You get in bed with them and it's cold and it's weird

because they have an intimacy problem

and a really nasty porn habit.

The only person they can have sex with is themselves.

- Judy, not everyone who falls in love fast is a nark.

There's plenty of warm-hearted,

hopeless romantic souls out there.

Like my uncle Mike and aunt Roe.

They literally met sitting next to each other

on a cross country flight.

By the time they landed, they were engaged

and also banned by Delta

'cause of what they did in the lavatory,

that's a whole nother story.

The point is, they've been happily married for 45 years.

- It is really a beautiful exception.

- Not an exception.

Just nice caring people who wanna find someone to love.

- But Theo isn't one of them.

- How can you be so sure, Judy?

Honestly, when you're so outta practice.

- Oh, thank you.

What's that supposed to mean?

- You heard me.

Okay, you're such an authority,

when was the last time you, you know?

- I what?

Oh my God, was it the lit professor with the bushy mustache

at last year's holiday potluck?

- Hmm. - What?

- They're breaking off, they're breaking off.

- It was, well, does the carpet match the drapes?

- Okay, this is not his house.

- Really? - No.

Come on.

Oh shit.

Oh my God, there's someone there with him.

You see the second shadow?

- Is that a man or a woman?

- I dunno, what difference does it make?

I can't see shit, that's a frosted glass.

- Frosted glass.

- Gimme your shoe. - What?

What? Okay.

- Come on.

- What are you doing? - One, two, three, go.

- Oh my God, oh my God, God.

Who is that?

Is that one of his sisters?

- No, that's not one of his sisters.

Oh.

- Damn.

- His supply, Di.

- Jesus, this is embarrassing and you owe me a new shoe.

- I'm completely shocked.

- Me too, me too.

- No, mom, I'm shocked that you would stoop

to something like this.

- Wait, what should I have done?

- I don't know, go home like I asked,

not spy on my fiance and his friends.

- So you know that woman?

- Of course I do.

- I know when you're lying.

I can smell it through the phone.

- All right, fine, but he's friends with lots of women.

- Friends, they don't meet up in strange apartments

and just play with their scarves.

- Mom, I trust him.

- Why are you so stubborn?

- Oh my God, you're the one who's being stubborn here.

- I'm not stubborn, I'm right.

- Holy shit, holy shit, Judy,

they were engaged.

Simone?

- The dumb dumb forgot to delete the evidence.

Oh, oh, you just can't keep track of details, nark,

can you?

Memory connected to compassion,

connected to that part of your brain

that is so withered and small.

Look how many times he changed his profile photo.

- Wait, this was three years ago.

- Doesn't matter, he's still a serial engager.

- We gotta stop.

There has to be a logical explanation for this.

- I'm calling her back.

Oh, it's called triangulation.

Not the triangle down there, the triangle up here.

It's when a nark pits you in a triangle of attention

with someone else.

- You didn't tell me that you were engaged.

- Naturally, it makes you competitive.

Who's smarter? Who's sexier?

Who's more successful?

Makes you doubt your worth.

- But I did tell you

- No you didn't.

- Yes, we were at the little Italian place

the first week we met, remember?

We talked about our past relationships

and you told me about Tyler and I told you about Simone.

- I don't remember that.

- Babe, you just forgot.

- Theo, I wouldn't forget something like that.

I wouldn't forget that you had been engaged.

- Eva, I swear we talked about this.

You don't believe me?

- Don't you believe it for a second!

That's gaslighting, my friend.

- You're needed inside, doctor.

- Yes, I'll be right there.

Thank you.

Look, Eva, I'm an open book.

Do you wanna go through my phone?

I don't even have a password.

- No, of course not.

I'm sorry, I don't know why I didn't remember

about you and Simone.

- Well, you're not very good at remembering things, are you?

Hey, hey, I'm kidding.

No, I love you that you came here for this.

You're adorable when you're jealous.

I have to go, I'll see you later.

I love you, okay? - I love you too.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

- Yeah.

- Huh?

what?

Oh no.

- Eva? - Hi, I saw them.

Didn't look good.

- Oh, darling, I am sorry, I'm sorry.

I am so, so sorry

and I don't want to say I told you so,

but I'm very glad that we found out now, but...

- Eva's asking you for help, okay?

Last thing she wants is you to say, I told you so.

- Mom?

Mom? - Darling,

I told you that I would be here for you no matter what.

- That's it?

You are not gonna go all Judy on me?

- Oh, well, I don't appreciate that phrase,

but you just tell me what you need.

- Right now, I need a bath.

- Why don't you come by my suite?

I have an incredible bathtub.

Well, technically it's Diane's suite.

My room's not so good.

- I'll come, but I don't wanna talk about Theo.

- Okay, okay.

- Okay.

- Yes.

- Hit me, thank you.

Eva, are you sure you don't want me to deal you in?

It'll stop your head from spinning.

- She's right, it really helps.

- I stopped checking my phone every three seconds.

- Guys, I'm okay.

Here, look.

- Oh.

You made me look so.

- Admit it, you're beautiful, okay?

And you can totally get back out there

if only you let yourself.

You know, she refuses to tell me-

- Don't start.

- Wow, who doesn't wanna discuss men for once?

- I have my work.

I don't need a man to make me happy.

I don't, why are you turning on me?

- Okay.

No, listen, I know,

I know that we have fought hard for economic empowerment

where we don't have to rely on a man.

- Preach. - But everyone needs love.

- Love is just dopamine hitting the limbic system,

baby girl.

- Put that on a Hallmark card, you romantic.

- Don't you want someone special in your life?

Someone to hold you, someone to take care of You?

- Don't you want a little more wine?

- Don't you want someone to send you memes besides me?

- Listen, I'm good, okay?

I'm good. - Oh.

- I'm good.

I'm feeling good. - She's good.

She's good. - I'm good,

I'm whole. - She's feeling good.

Show your daughter what you got.

- Like what we do at the faculty lounge?

- Yes, when you've had one too many coconut waters.

Turn this music up.

Oh.

- Wow.

Show me what you got. - Show her.

- You know what, how about you show us what you got?

Get your 20 something year old hips over here.

Oh, is that how the kids are doing it?

- Absolutely not. - Eyes closed.

- Yeah.

- Thank God you're back.

- This is hard and you can do it.

- Yeah.

- Is that Theo?

He's going to try to suck you back in

with some grand romantic gesture.

- I love grand romantic gestures.

- Yeah, but honey, not when they are done manipulatively

to suck you back into some kind of sick game.

He's already proposed twice

that we know of. - Mom, how long is it

gonna take you to pack?

- Eva, I'm just really trying to-

- No, I'm trying to say I wanna come home with you.

- To New York?

- Yeah, I just, I need time to think,

I need to clear my head, I can finish my piece there

and it just, I think the sooner the better.

- Oh!

Holy shit. - Okay.

Not right this instant.

- No, I'll get us some flights right away.

- Okay good, but I need to stop by my studio first.

- I'll text you all the details.

- Are you not gonna finish your breakfast?

- Yes, of course I'm gonna finish my breakfast.

I wouldn't go anywhere without my breakfast.

I'm just going to, we have plane snacks.

I'll pick you up.

- What?

Tyler.

- You got engaged?

- Hi.

- What? Where are your bags?

- So I decided to stay.

- Really? Well, why?

- For a few days.

You know, I think it'll be good for me.

Plus I still haven't gone to the beach

or taken a bath and that normal stuff.

- Right, that makes sense. - In and out.

- Oh, excuse me, hello, I need to check out.

- Yeah, Sam will take care of you.

- Ouch, what was that about?

- We maybe had a slight misunderstanding.

- Misunderstanding?

- It went all Judy on him.

- I see.

Okay, that is hard to reverse.

- I'll be right back.

- Hi. - Checking out?

- No, no, no, actually, I have a question.

Can we put sparkling water in the bidet?

- Thank you, welcome, welcome.

Hi, welcome.

Hi, how you doing?

- Hi.

Hi.

Hey, yeah, me again.

I just wanted to say that perhaps I was a bit outspoken

the other day. - Outspoken?

- Yeah, like an ass hole.

- Well, I wouldn't go there.

- Yeah, well, apparently I can.

So I'm very sorry.

- It's okay.

I appreciate you saying something.

So you're heading back east?

- Yes, my daughter was studying here at the Art Institute

and she's getting her masters at NYU, so.

- Nice, I have two kids in college myself.

Lights of my life, except when they're driving me crazy.

- I know, that's something.

We have that in common.

- Yes, yes.

- So glad that I stopped by.

- Please let me, let me.

- No, I really. - I insist,

do you have your license?

- Yes, I have.

Yes, I do.

- Maybe double check.

- Okay, yeah.

Oh, here. - There it is.

- Well, please visit us again soon, Ms. Kaplan.

- Yes, thank you. - Thank you.

- Goodbye, goodbye. - Bye.

- Goodbye to everyone here.

- Judy, what was that

body language I just witnessed, huh?

You were like lording over him.

- Did not lord on that guy. - You were doing

the little ID dance.

I saw you.

Did you at least get contact infos

for a little sexy texting? - I'll see you in New York.

- Hey, just wanted to say it was awesome

hearing your voice.

I don't know all the details,

but if this dude can't see how amazing you are,

he's an idiot.

Call anytime.

I mean, tomorrow's Saturday.

I can even come down for the weekend

if you want to talk in person.

- Of course she doesn't gimme time to pack.

- Eva. - Theo.

I told you not to come.

- This is just a big mistake.

You have to believe me.

- I know what I saw.

- Can I show you something?

- I'm running late. - It'll take 10 minutes.

Come on, Eva, you owe me 10 minutes, please.

- Okay.

Hey, this is Eva, leave a message.

- Hey, honey, I'm on my way.

I'll see you soon.

- What do you mean this is ours?

- Well, that's why I was here with Simone.

She's my real estate agent.

- I didn't know that.

- And that's because I wanted to surprise you.

- I hate surprises.

- Yeah?

Okay, I'll remember that next time.

You like it?

You wanna go see upstairs? - Yes.

Is that a studio?

Hey, this is Eva, leave a message.

Hey, this is Eva, leave a message.

Hey, this is Eva, leave a...

Hey, this is Eva, leave a message.

Hey, this is Eva.

- I'm so sorry, what's the ETA?

- Says It's only 45 minutes.

- Bye, babe.

Oh shit.

- He hooverd you.

- He didn't, he didn't hoover me.

Simone's his real estate agent.

It was all misunderstanding,

he's just buying us a house.

- Buy you a house?

Wait, who buys a house for someone

without asking them first?

Who has the audacity to buy a home for someone

without checking with them first?

- It's a really nice house.

- Bullshit, grand romantic gesture.

Darling, I know what happens next.

I've lived it, it ain't happily ever after.

- All right, I am sorry that you got hurt,

but you have to understand that not every guy is dad.

- I'm the psychologist here.

- I know, but you've got your own issues.

- Like what?

- Okay, think about it.

- Hi.

- What are you doing here?

- Having a drink, tell you all about it.

- Okay, okay.

Why don't we go out?

Yeah, why don't we hit the town?

- I don't want to.

- Come on.

- I don't want to.

- Babe, I love this perfume you got me.

It smells like us.

Oh hey, Judy.

- Hello, Laura.

- Why don't you gimme the keys

and I'll just take them back to our room.

- Don't do that, okay?

I tried my best to stay away, I really did.

- What about her wife?

- She's divorcing her, yeah for real this time.

And she apologized for not telling the truth before.

It was really sincere. She even cried.

- Why isn't anybody listening to me?

- Judy, what if Lauren isn't a nark?

What if she's just a really messed up, normal person?

- There's no such thing.

- What are you?

- You're either normal, messed up.

- Okay, okay, thank you so much.

Not cool, Judy.

Thank you for the PowerPoint presentation.

Oh Judy.

- So you came back.

- Surprise.

- Ah, bad day, huh?

- One of those days.

- One of those days.

You wanna talk about it?

- Really? - Yeah.

Sure.

Why don't you just poison him? Boom.

Anyway, I think Eva will come around soon.

- I like your optimism.

- What about her father?

Do you think she'll listen to him?

- She's trying to marry him.

- What?

- Well, she picked out someone exactly,

exactly like her father,

Edward Xavier James the third.

- The third? - Yeah.

- That's just wrong.

No, that's trouble.

- Exactly. - Right?

- Exactly, exactly, she's making the same mistakes I did.

It's very tragic.

- How did you end up with a third?

You don't look like it. - That's a sad story

and I don't wanna tell it

and you don't want to hear. - Right, come on, no.

But hey, sad stories make us interesting.

What?

- Well, that's just dangerously close to a line.

- Oh shit, okay.

Should I try something else?

Check this out.

And it changes, particular whale, the tropic.

Got everything here, we got everything.

So is it working?

- It's not not working.

- It's gonna be a fantastic party.

- Edward?

- No, Daniel, but it's okay.

- Did you see this pool?

- Think it's Edward. - The third?

Is that the third? - I think it's my ex.

Did he see me?

Oh my God, did hear me? - All right,

just chill, chill.

- Just pretend we're asleep. - Judy?

- Shit, don't say anything.

- Judy?

Judy.

Oh dear, did I interrupt something?

It looks like I did.

- Could you excuse us a moment?

- Yeah, sure.

Excuse me.

- Oh God, what the fuck

are you doing here?

- Don't be like that, let's get a drink, all right?

For old time's sake.

- Old time's sake is best forgotten.

- Excuse me?

- Best forgotten.

- Look, okay, I know that I wasn't exceptional

at providing for Eva.

I did pay for that fancy art

camp. - You did not, no, you didn't.

You did not.

You kept saying you were going to pay for it

and you never sent that check

and I found out about it

when they were going to throw her out.

She was mortified.

- Oh, I'm here now, okay?

I'm trying to make up for it.

And look, I'm willing to pay for the whole thing,

not half like it's probably expected.

I even booked a honeymoon suite for her and her hubby

for the first night - Oh.

- of matrimony.

- The wedding. - Yeah.

Eva moved it up to this Sunday.

That's why I am here.

She called me a few hours ago.

- Well, I hope your fucking check clears this time.

- Did you hear he bought her a house?

So angry.

- He's not trying to control me, mom.

We moved the wedding to this Sunday

because we just wanted to get it done.

- Oh because it really starting to seem like you're doing it

just to torture me.

- Okay, well, as fun as that may sound right now, no.

I told you I love him.

He's my soulmate.

Do you just throw up a little?

- Yeah.

Eva, a woman would know if her soulmate

had been engaged before.

- Oh, he's not a perfect person, mom.

Nobody is.

- No, but he kept her in his life.

It's weird, right?

I mean, it just...

Eva, it feels weird, right?

- Things will be better when we're married.

- No, they will not.

- Oh my God, we have issues.

Every couple does, mom,

but you know I believe love conquers all.

- Not this time, not with this guy.

You're not that special, Eva.

- Maybe you should go.

I'm serious, you're done

- Saying you weren't special enough sounded harsh,

but the truth is that when you are with someone

who is toxic, there is a certain amount

of hubris in staying

because you think that you are the one

who can make them change.

And that the moments that you shared with them

are more special and more magical

than any that came before.

- But that's just not true with narcissists.

They have a playbook of moments.

They write the same poems,

they sing the same songs,

they quote the same movies

with every single lover that they take.

- Nothing.

Hi. - Hey.

What's going on?

Is that my phone.

- My mother.

- You let her get into your head.

- Theo, I have to ask you something

and I need you to be honest with me.

- What?

- Have you and Simone been together since we met?

- I won't be mad.

I mean, in fact, I get it.

Like I'm still friends with some of my exes

and this is all moving really fast.

What, you don't think I'm scared?

Of course I'm scared and I completely understand

if you just needed like a little validation or.

- Wait, wait, wait, you're friends with your ex?

- But Theo, please, I need you to be honest with me.

- No, absolutely not.

I love you, Eva.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

We're soulmates.

Can we go back to bed now, please?

Thank you.

- But no matter how special you are, they won't change.

- Lauren mixed the keys up.

- Because they can't change, ever.

- She brought her wife out here too.

The only kind of person who would do that

is a fucking nark.

- Okay, okay, it's okay.

- I'm sorry.

This is your room?

- Yeah.

Really screwed up with that receptionist.

- Thanks for not lecturing me

about falling for Lauren's bullshit.

- I can't say anything

now that Theo is marrying Eva tomorrow.

- You're kidding. - No and Edward is here,

and so I'm just, I'm leaving.

- You're leaving?

- I can't stay here and watch this happen.

- No, Judy, you can't go.

I wasn't listening before,

but God, these people are toxic,

two-faced, Dr. Jekyll, Mrs. Draculas.

You have to open up Eva's eyes

before it's too late.

- She doesn't want to hear it.

- Okay, let's show her then.

- Hmm?

- Theo's got two phones.

Yeah, you wrote that narks always have

a discreet electronic device, right?

Like a private iPad or a second phone for them

to buy that you don't know about

or to secretly sext your kids' teachers

or to watch as much porn as they can humanly consume.

- Yeah.

- Theo has a phone with a blue cover.

Look at this, that is a Samsung with a red cover.

I caught a glimpse of it when we were spying on him.

I didn't say anything to you

because I didn't wanna add to the hysterics,

but I started thinking about it

and Theo never uses his phone when Eva's around,

not even at the hospital.

- Oh, Diana, you really are a genius.

- Yeah, so just invite him here and steal the phone.

- I can't, I'm not gonna steal a phone.

- Yes, you can steal the phone.

You have to, you must.

- But he might not even have it on him.

- Judy, narks never go anywhere without the D-E-D's,

a lifeline to their supply.

Page 53, paragraph two.

- You're quoting me now.

- The only way to out nark and nark is to nark 'em.

Yes.

Aha, there it is.

Never trust a man with an Android.

You green bubble mother fucker.

Here's the plan, okay?

You listening? - Yeah.

- You're gonna go over there,

you're gonna get him talking about himself, okay?

He's gonna get high on the attention

and start feeling warm and fuzzy,

he's gonna take off his jacket,

hopefully hang it on the back of his chair.

And when he does, I swoop in and I steal it.

- Yeah, pew.

- You got it?

- I have it.

- Do you?

- Had it the first five times.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Theo, thank you for coming to meet me.

- When Judy Kaplan calls, you answer.

- Oh, well, no.

So let me cut to the chase.

- Uh-oh. - No.

You must have been surprised when I asked you to meet me.

- You don't have a pistol in that boot, do you?

- No, I do no, no, no.

I know I've been a little bit negative about the wedding.

- That's putting it mildly.

- No, I haven't been very welcoming.

I've just been just all Judy,

but now that I see you together, I've been here,

and I've never seen Eva so happy.

- Well, I'm glad to hear that.

- So I thought, well, we're going to be family

in less than 24 hours,

so I should get to know more about you.

- Okay, what do you wanna know?

- Everything.

- Everything?

Let's start with a drink.

What are you having?

- What are you having?

- Bourbon.

- That's what I like too.

- Bourbon it is.

- What can I get you? - Bourbon, please.

- Judy, Judy.

- here you go.

- Thank you.

- Oh.

- To family.

- To family.

Just lay it on me.

Which hospital were you born in?

- Do you have time?

- Schnauzer's my favorite.

They always have that little

and then it's always caught in.

Where did you go to kindergarten?

- Oh my God, all over the world actually.

- A world citizen.

- My dad was working in his span at time,

he's a diplomat, he was a diplomat.

I had my friends and I didn't wanna leave.

- Who was your? - It was called Chair.

I was a big fan of Chair, so, yeah.

- That's fascinating. - My dad was terrific

and my father comes to me and say,

if you ever climbed up on the roof again,

I'm gonna make you sleep up there.

And of course I didn't.

- Oh, do you smoke?

- Yeah, I know it shouldn't.

You want one?

- Sure, why not?

I was young and stupid once.

- Oh shit, I'm up.

- Surgeon General, what's your thought?

What brand? - Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa there.

- Oh God, you are gorgeous.

- Excuse me?

- This is my friend, Diane's, my colleague.

- Diane.

- Hi, nice to meet you. - With a D.

You smell good.

Let me get a whiff of this this.

It's hot.

It's like scorching in here.

What is that?

- Bourbon.

- No, no, bourbon, white wine.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I should probably. - Excuse me.

- Kind of the room is spinning.

The room is spinning, Judy.

Let me just have a little nap.

You finish, get the phone.

- Oh you're not going.

- Yeah, it's getting late. - No, no, but we're having

so much fun.

- You can stop with the act.

- What? What act?

- What act?

You invite me here, you try to get me drunk,

then your friend hits on me.

- She's not hitting on you.

- She grabbed my ass.

- A little bit.

- I don't understand.

Why can't you trust me?

- I don't trust you.

- All I wanna do is love Eva.

She's my heart.

- She's my heart.

- You know what?

You're just a lonely, bitter woman

who has nothing to cling to but her daughter.

- Well, that might be true,

but I'll tell you this, you are a fraud.

And when that mask you're wearing falls off,

I'm gonna be right here to catch it.

- Judy, I'm gonna marry Eva tomorrow

and there's not a God damn thing you can do about it.

- Oh, yes, there is.

- What?

What are you doing?

- Just gimme your phone.

Just gimme the, gimme your,

gimme your phone. - Give you my phone?

Are you out of your mind?

- Give me your...

- No, no, no.

No, no.

What are you doing? - Let have the sleeve.

- Mom, mom!

What the hell is wrong with you?

What is going on?

- He has two phones.

- Yeah, because he's a doctor.

My God, I knew this was a bad idea.

Are you okay?

Don't bother coming to the wedding.

You are completely toxic.

- Don't call the cops.

Judy, Eva will come around,

I promise. - Eva.

- Judy, she fucking loves you.

- Eva.

- I'll be at the bar.

- I don't know how else to get through to you

and it really pisses me off.

- Diane.

- Yeah, I'm so thirsty.

Please, carbonation.

- This is a video explaining everything.

You have to send it to Eva.

- No. - She's blocked me, Di.

- It's too much, okay, no.

- What no?

- No, I'm sorry, but Eva needs space.

She clearly doesn't want you contacting her.

- But it's not me.

- Judy, listen to yourself.

You wrote the thing.

When people are in intimate relationships with narcissists,

they tend to start acting narky themselves.

Right, like they catch their fleas.

- Yes, that is true, that happens.

- I think you have an infestation,

pushing boundaries, no empathy.

- No, don't turn this on me.

This all has to do with Theo.

You have to think about the big picture.

- Judy, please, - Just because it

happens to you doesn't mean... - just stop talking for once

and listen?

Okay, you are an excellent psychologist,

okay, you're amazing at analysis and helping people.

Eva, she's not a client.

She's your daughter and you love her, right?

- Of course.

- Then let her live her life for fuck sakes.

What's wrong with you?

- Judy?

What's the matter?

What is it? Is it the food?

Come on, it's not that bad.

What? You forgot your wedding gift, huh?

Take a vase.

Take Sam, no extra charge.

How about that?

You okay?

- No, I'm not.

I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize. - I'm sorry.

- Don't worry, I got you.

It's gonna be okay.

What's a kid's wedding without a few tears?

- There, oh, what a beautiful suit.

You look stunning.

- Do I look good?

- Just like my little.

Oh yes, let's make sure that...

- It's raining, is that bad luck?

- I don't know.

- I just thought my mom would barge her way

in here, you know?

The way she does.

- Eva, I know if you called her, she would come.

You look like a princess.

- So you're doing that thing

where you sneak out without saying goodbye?

- Yeah.

- It's your room.

Come on, stay.

Have breakfast with me.

Please, come on.

What? Sorry.

- My phone. - Eva.

- Oh, Eva. Hello?

No. - What happened?

- I don't know, I don't know if she hung up

or if it was a butt dial or.

- You know, wait, wait, wait, wait, let's go.

- Hmm? - Let's go.

I don't know much, but I know this,

she'll always regret her wedding day

if her mom isn't there to see it.

- Is there time?

- Did you ever see "Fast and Furious"?

- No.

- Well, you're about to.

- Oh.

- Let's go, let's go.

Ladies first.

- Let's go.

- Oh, I'm so nervous.

- Floor it.

Let's go, let's go.

- Sorry.

- Oh.

- It hasn't started yet.

We're not too late.

- Oh.

Oh, okay.

- Guy's a fraud.

You know how he bamboozled me?

He blew a snowflake off my lash.

So stupid.

- Oh, come on, Judy, that's horseshit.

- Yeah, I know.

I'm so stupid.

- You're not stupid, you're human.

You were human, see?

Hey, look at me,

you don't have to feel ashamed about that.

So you took a chance on a guy and it didn't work out.

Big deal.

You know, we're all looking for love in this world.

There's nothing wrong with it, is there?

- No.

No, there is not.

Oh, she's stunning.

- What are you gonna do?

- It's just for appearances.

You know I'm up for tenure.

Babe, please. - Go away.

- Please, I love you.

You know, at work, I stare at you when you're not looking.

Did you know that I memorized your face?

Your eyes and your lips,

that little freckle by your ear.

Babe, come on.

Babe, open the door.

Open the door, babe, come on.

Open the door.

Babe, come on, open the fucking door.

Open the fucking door.

- And it really pisses me off

because you have so much to offer.

You're so smart, you're so kind,

you're so beautiful.

- Dearly beloved, we have come here today

of your own free will seeking the union with each other.

- Your bed of roses, Mrs. Keller.

What?

Stunned, speechless by happiness?

- Work?

- Yeah, but I'm not gonna get it.

But I am gonna get more ice for the champagne.

- No, don't, we don't need that.

- What? No.

No wife of mine is drinking warm champagne on wedding night.

Be right back.

- Okay. - Okay.

Don't go anywhere. - Okay.

- I hope you can forgive me.

I just, I didn't want anyone to steal your light away

because you shine so bright, my darling.

- Tyler, what are you doing here?

- Wow.

What am I doing here?

Chloe told me where to find you

about how you were freaking out

and you weren't sure you wanted to go through with it,

but it looks like you did.

Damn, here I am like a dumb ass.

- I'm so sorry.

I should not have reached out to you like that.

I think I just, I don't know.

I think I thought if I spoke to someone who really knew me,

a friend and-

- A friend, huh?

- Tyler, I don't know what to say.

I haven't been thinking straight.

- I thought if there was even the slightest chance,

you and I could really be something.

I should try one of those grand romantic gestures

just once in my life, you know?

- Just once?

- Yeah, once,

but for real.

- He's going to try to suck you back in

with some grand romantic gestures.

- Simon's my real estate agent.

- You didn't tell me that you were engaged,

- But I did tell.

- He has two phones.

- You let her get into your head.

- Right.

I'm so sorry, I have to go.

- No, I get it, yeah.

- Thank you.

Have you seen the man that I came in here with?

- Check the ice machine outside.

- This is insane,

you actually got married?

I actually don't understand what's going on right now.

- I don't have time. - Keep my voice down?

What do you mean you don't have time for this right now?

I actually don't understand what's going on.

You said you were gonna leave her.

Why? I don't understand.

This is insane. - We can talk about this

another time, okay?

- Why? Why did you do it?

You said we were soulmates.

- He says that to everybody.

- Fuck.

Eva.

- Now you're shy.

Now you're shy. - Before and after,

not during, not during.

- Ah, thank you, buddy.

- You think he heard us?

- Oh yeah, definitely.

- You're so loud.

- Eva!

- Mama.

- Okay, okay, honey.

Tell me what you need.

What do you need?

What do you need, honey?

- A divorce.

- Yeah, it's called an annulment.

- I think I...

I think I went a little crazy.

- Try not to blame yourself.

- I don't.

It was him, it wasn't me.

- Wow.

- What?

- You just learned in a moment

what's taken me a lifetime.

- It's 'cause I'm smarter than you.

- You are, you are, you are so much smarter.

Let's go get an annulment and some pancakes.

I want you to eat more than chips though.

- I know, but what's all I want right now.

- Spaghetti?

- Yeah, can we get two big bowls of spaghetti, please?

- Yeah.

- Hey. Good morning.

- Hi.

- So I watched your video.

- Diane, I never should have sent that to you.

- No, no, no, it was necessary.

I finally blocked Lauren.

Yeah. - You did?

- Like once and for all.

Yeah, cold Turkey on everything.

Facebook, Instagram, Yelp, Wordle, yeah.

So I wanted to say thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Wait, why aren't you on your honeymoon?

- We have a lot to catch you up on.

- Perfect timing

- On the house, ladies.

- Thank you.

- I'm sorry, what?

- Is that on the menu now?

- This is incredible.

- I have a lot to catch you up on.

- Yeah, I'm here for it.

Cheers to that.

At least someone got a happy ending.

- Even though there are people like this out there,

I don't want you to get discouraged.

You've got so much to offer.

You're so smart.

You're so kind.

Oh, yes, it looks fantastic.

You're so beautiful.

Just remember, never doubt your worth,

play it smart

and you'll find that good love.

Hey, this is All Judy telling it like it is.

- Jackie, can you get me Barb from Statistics?

- It's so hard to stay away

when I'm getting all these love letters

and texts. - Yeah.

- Even Sent me a singing telegram of our song.

- Oh, what song?

- "Black Hole Sun".

- Of course.

You know what, you gotta go gray rock on 'em, okay?

- Okay.

- Just zero emotions.

Ignore, ignore, ignore, got it?

- Yes. - What are the three things?

- Call, ignore. - no, ignore,

ignore, ignore, ignore.

Give it to me again.

- Ignore, text back.

- No, Barbara. - Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry.

- Listen to me, this is serious.

- I know. - Okay?

- I know, I know, I love it.

Thank you so much, Di. - No, you're welcome.

- Ignore, ignore, ignore.

That's it.

- You have a copy?

- Of course, yes.

Never leave home about it.

Thank you so much, that was so helpful.

- You're welcome.

- Okay, gonna bundle up here.

- Oh Barb, you don't need that.

It's 75 and sunny outside.

You gotta learn to trust again.

You know what, as a reminder,

take this with you, okay?

- You sure? - It's the only way

to get rid of him.

- Oh, actually my nark is a her.

- One minute.

Jackie, yeah,

cancel all my meetings for the rest of the month.

- God damn it, these buttons.

No, keep the hat on.

- It's gonna be wet.

Stop.

Oh.

I have really high blood pressure.

- Oh, me too.

- It's tough.

- Oh God, We can never have kids.

- Shit.