Original subtitles

Good morning, Sam.

How's it going?

Good. How you doing?

Are you sweating?

Yeah, man. I've been walking like the last two hours.

Two hours?

It's 7.30 in the morning.

Uh, better make that three, I guess.

Wait, what? Why?

Well, my car broke down a couple weeks ago. That's why I wasn't at bowling last

night. I thought you knew about that. What? So, so you've been walking for two

hours? Three.

Three hours. You've been walking three hours to work for the last two weeks?

Mm-hmm.

Well, why haven't you just asked me for a ride?

Well, I'm kind of out of your way. I mean, I am all the way across town. I

really don't mind.

I'm up at 3 a.m. sharp every day.

Just in case.

Yeah, I forgot.

Well, maybe you could start picking me up. How did bowling go, anyway?

I scored an 85.

Hmm. That is, uh...

Well, that's really not good. Yeah, I was trying out left-handed. What's that?

Oh, you know, it's when you roll the ball with your left hand. No, no, what?

No, what is that?

Someone's pulling into the park.

Hmm?

Nature.

It's almost charming, isn't it?

Oh, hey.

Thanks, guy. Keep it running.

Excuse me.

Can I help you, sir?

Hi, yeah.

Ronald, we're going to need you, my man, to move a few of these vehicles to the

other side of the lot. Oh, these vehicles are supposed to be here. You

gentlemen, unfortunately, actually can't park here.

So sorry. There's a bus dropping off students here soon. Oh, a bus.

Huh. Uh, yeah. We got field trips here all week. We got about 40 kids that are

going to be here soon.

A field trip?

Students? Right, right, right.

That's cute, isn't it? Children are the future after all, aren't they?

Well,

at least that's what they say. I've never actually interacted with one.

Hmm. But seriously, I'm going to need this whole lot cleared, like, right now.

Hey, Robert, Sam.

Why don't the two of you guys go unlock the gates at the east entrance of the

park? I'll take care of this, okay?

What's going on here, Melvin?

Oh, Melvin, you didn't tell your little nature nerds?

Ouch!

You guys recycle, right?

Well, you see, Elk was on here, purchased the park, and they're going to

build a solar farm.

A solar farm? Purchase the park? Can they even do that?

And where are they going to build a solar farm? It's all woodland.

Turns out they can do it, actually.

This is a national park, and the government holds the lease to the park.

Should I say held?

Anyhow, they're going to deforest a portion of the park in order to build

the solar farm. This isn't really the way I wanted to tell you guys, but...

Unfortunately...

Also means that your hours are going to be severely reduced to zero.

We're losing our job? When were you going to tell us this?

It was on my to-do list to tell you. It was, but you know how to-do lists are.

If you don't actually do the thing on the list, it doesn't get done.

When is all of this happening? How long do we have?

One week from today.

Look, guys, I'm really sorry.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

A million dollars, waiting on a dime.

Are we gonna move these?

Jason, you guys have any Malort?

What's that?

Uh, Malort? No, no, no.

What is Malort?

Oh, uh, I don't know. I just heard of it. You guys got any?

Uh, no.

Then just another beer, please, Jason.

All right.

Lovely, Jason. Thank you.

Robert, what are you doing here?

Well, just lost our jobs. Figured I'd stop by and see if the bar is hiring.

Robert, you can't work here.

Why not?

What time do you go to bed?

8.30 p.m., 9 on weekends.

I'm here until 2, and I don't get out until 3 at the earliest.

In the morning?

Yeah, in the morning.

Ah, well, I could change.

I doubt it.

Well, I'd need to be trained, of course.

Okay.

What's this?

Oh, that's a small...

Uh, uh, uh, mini... Oh my god, it's a tiny cup.

No.

There's not enough time in the world, Robert.

I'll just have a beer then, please, Jason.

Uh, Robert, you don't drink.

Now seems as good a time as any to start.

Thank you.

So what are you gonna do?

Well, I'm gonna finish this beer, and then I'm gonna go to Macy's and blow my

rent money.

I love Macy's. No, I mean, for a job.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Um, I could see if Macy's is hiring.

Plus, I'm pretty good with a lawnmower.

Yeah, you are.

Well, you shouldn't have too much trouble finding work. You were the

youngest person in the Carolinas to earn their Eagle Scout. What were you, 12?

11. And I still have the record for the fastest prime wood derby car, too.

Yeah, I think.

Anyway, what are you thinking for work? I mean, minus being the town's newest

bartender. I don't know.

It's weird, Sam.

All my life, I've felt a little lost.

Throughout my whole career and my school, nothing ever really fit.

Until I found the park.

This last six years have been the happiest I've ever been.

I don't know what to do now that it's being taken away.

Guess I'll just have to try my best to really enjoy this last six days.

Yeah, I feel you, man.

I'm gonna miss it, too.

I don't want to talk to these AlphaZon guys any more than we have to, but

someone's gonna have to train them. And we'll have to make sure they don't start

tearing down trees near the Sasquatch.

I'm sorry, what was that? Oh, yeah.

Bigfoot. The one that lives in the woods. I was just thinking it's gonna be

a whole ordeal with Alphazon coming and tearing down parts of the forest.

I mean, that's his home, you know?

He's gonna wonder what's going on when trees start coming down, so we should

really steer them clear.

Look... No.

Show me.

Did you ever see the Andy Griffith show?

Oh, yeah.

I always figured that would be up your alley. That's pretty good. I mean, Don

Knotts, also Andy Griffith's in it.

Okay. Wait, what are we doing?

Oh, that's right, Bigfoot.

Okay, so the stick gets him to come out. Well, uh, no.

It's really the candy bar that he wants. The stick just lets him know that we're

here. But really, I just fed him this morning.

This isn't really part of his normal routine, so I don't know if he's gonna

show up.

Okay. Look, Robert...

We lost our job. And that sucks. Really, it does.

But if you're also losing your mind, man, I don't know what the fuck.

Who's out there?

Oh, uh... Robert? Sam? What are you two doing

out here?

Uh, well, I, uh... You were... I was... My back.

And then my knees. Oh.

And... Have you boys been drinking?

Yes. Yes. No. Yes. I tried.

Robert, you need to go home and get some rest.

Night, Robert.

Night. And you!

You are in no condition to walk, mister.

Look, man, you don't know me.

I can walk for miles.

These feet are educated. Come on.

You can sleep on my couch.

Okay, fine, Melvin, but I'm going to complain the whole time. I got those

many corndogs you love.

No, first of all, I love all corndogs. Every size.

Ambition. Just get in the car, mister.

Okay, okay.

Ow.

Come on, Sam.

Get out.

Get in there.

Stay in there.

And thirdly, I thought you had a hatchback, man. When did you get a

sedan? When did you become such a sellout? We used to be cool, Melvin. We

used to be cool.

Now,

as we are all very aware, most wildfires in North Carolina are caused by...

Yes. Cruel Mother Nature.

People,

actually.

You want to know what makes me really sad?

When boys and girls like you play with matches.

You see...

Even when you blow a match out, it has the potential to start a

fire.

Now see, that's perfectly normal.

Oh.

Is it supposed to do that? Okay, it's not supposed to do that. Stay calm.

It's okay. I got this.

Robert! Robert! Oh, uh, uh, sorry, Melvin. I, um, I gotta go. Don't forget

to stop, drop, and roll.

Robert! What are you doing?

Robert! Fire!

Sam, what are you doing? Thank goodness you're here. I could use an extra set of

hands. An extra set of hands?

For what?

Hey, why are you packing up my things? We're still employed for six more days.

Robert, we gotta get out of here.

Get out of here?

Look, you were right.

Kind of. We've got to save the Sasquatch.

What?

Save the Sasquatch? Yeah, the Sasquatch. The one you showed me last night.

We've got to get him out of here before AlphaZon starts tearing down the forest.

Look, we're here, and we've got to get Sasquatch here.

Did you draw this map with barbecue sauce?

Yes, Robert, I drew it with barbecue sauce. In case you forgot, I spent last

night at Melvin's, and that man has zero pens. But he has an upsetting amount of

barbecue sauce.

For the mini corn dogs. Yes, for the mini corn dogs. And in case you were

going to ask, they're delicious.

But that's not the point. Look, I've been doing a lot of research. And we

need to take the Sasquatch to Olympic National Park.

The state of Washington has more Sasquatch sightings per year than any

other state. And sure, most of those are, you know, probably crazy people.

But ours is real. So who's to say there isn't another one out there? And even if

there isn't, then he's still got hundreds of miles of uninterrupted

woodland where he can live and not be in fear of Alphazon tearing down the

forest. Because if they do that, Robert, they're going to capture him. They're

going to shackle him. They'll put him on a boat. They'll take him to New York.

They're going to put him on a stage. They'll charge people for tickets.

He's going to fall in love with a beautiful blonde. Whoa, whoa, whoa,

wait. Are you just describing the 1933 cinematic masterpiece King Kong?

Yes, Robert, because that's exactly the situation we're dealing with.

Whoa.

Well, he is an animal in danger.

Mm-hmm.

And we are still technically park rangers for six more days. And as park

rangers, it is our duty to protect and... Protect and serve all species of

animals, especially those that are endangered or threatened.

Exactly, Robert. Now go get the rest of your stuff. Now, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Just because I feed him once a week doesn't mean he's gonna get in my van

and travel with us across the country.

Don't worry about it.

I took care of it.

How did?

What did?

Did you do the stick thing? Yeah, I did the stick thing. I did the candy bar

thing. Look, enough with the questions. We just gotta get out of here before

Melvin puts out that fire.

It's okay, kids.

I got this. I'll take care of it.

Stop screaming, please. Stop screaming.

Robert!

Oh, I should probably help him. Robert, he's an animal in distress.

All right.

Saddle up, big boy.

It's okay, kid. It's okay.

Stop screaming, please. Stop screaming, please.

Auberge!

Huh.

What? I've never left work early.

Well, we're not really leaving work early. Just think of this as remote

work. We're traveling across the country, working, all while saving this

poor creature's life.

I mean, look at him.

Yeah. What's his name, anyways?

His name?

He doesn't have a name. Okay, yeah, sure, but like, what do you call him?

I don't call him anything, Sam.

He's not my pet.

He's a creature of the park, and in case you're wondering, I don't have a name

for the birds and foxes either.

Okay, but do you have this whole ritual where you feed the birds and foxes of

the park in secret every day? No.

Besides, he's not in the park anymore.

We've got to call him something. It's not like we can just point at things and

say, Here, Bigfoot, drink the water.

That may have been my fault.

May have been.

That was definitely your fault.

Yeah. But you do have a point.

He does need a name.

Do you have any suggestions?

How about Squatch? First off, that's not a name.

Secondly, he is a miracle.

A magnificent and proud Sasquatch. Calling him Squatch would be an insult,

and I won't stand for it.

Okay. Ooh, how about Kevin? We are not calling him Kevin.

Aw, come on. Kevin's a great name.

Did he just?

Yep, he just undid his seatbelt. He's gonna have to put that back on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, buddy, you wanna put that back on for me?

Hold it.

You're gonna have to help him. Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it. Hey!

Oh,

so now you're both unfuckled? My arms aren't long enough. I couldn't reach.

Uh, Robert?

Did you get it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. It's just, um, we have a little bit

of a problem.

What? We are being pulled over.

What? Just keep your cool and everything's gonna be okay. Keep my

cool? I've never been pulled over before.

I knew this was a bad idea.

Do not throw up in the van.

Do not throw up in this van.

I'm gonna throw up. You are not throwing up. I'm gonna throw up.

Alright, fellas.

License and proof of insurance, please.

Do you boys have any

idea why I pulled you over?

Is it because we have a Sasquatch in the car?

You got a taillight out.

But man, that is the coolest Sasquatch costume I have ever seen.

Yes, a costume.

It is a costume.

Isn't that right, Robert?

Huh? Oh, yeah, um, costume.

Are you sure I have a taillight out? I keep pretty up to date on my taillights,

so this would have had to have just happened.

Listen, boys, forget about the taillight.

My son has a birthday party in about an hour.

He is the biggest Sasquatch fan on Earth.

You guys come with me to the party, I'll forget about the ticket.

I don't know.

You see, this isn't really part of our travel plans.

We're trying to get to Tacoma.

Travel plans?

Robert, what are you talking about? This is the plan. He gives us a ticket this

whole trip is over before it's even started.

For the love of God.

What's wrong with you, boy?

I just find it so hard to believe that I have a taillight out. I'm completely

baffled. Forget about this taillight.

You come with me, there's no ticket.

Listen.

I'm serious.

If I show up with a Sasquatch, I might be dad of the year.

Hell, I might even be husband of the year.

Seriously.

Come on.

What's the address?

Listen, I'm sorry. Seriously, Chip?

Bigfoot? Baby, I thought it was a Bigfoot-themed party. No.

Just, just no.

Peter, your dad's kind of a loser.

Yikes.

I think we should leave.

Yup.

Now that was a total disaster.

What are you talking about?

We got all this free food, plus that cop didn't give us a ticket. I'd say that's

a win.

Sam, look at him.

What? If we're really going to do this, he's going to need a disguise.

Yeah, I guess he does stand out a bit, doesn't he?

Okay, here's the plan. I'm going to go in first. You're going to count to

exactly 120.

And then you're going to come in. Got it?

Got it.

One, two, three, four.

What? How is that four seconds?

Don't start counting until I get inside.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, come on.

Put them on.

Obviously, we're going to have to help him out. Well, that's ridiculous.

How's that ridiculous, Robert? He's never put on pants before. How's he

supposed to know how to put on pants? I don't know, Sam. I feel like I've just

always known how to put on pants.

You know, other than hats, they're the most intuitive piece of clothing there

is. You just put them on one leg at a time. You start with the left. I know

how to put on pants, Robert. I'm wearing pants right now.

How's he supposed to know how to put on pants? pants he's never put on pants

before this may be the second time in his life he's ever seen a pair of pants

who knows what's going through his mind right now look oh my gosh he's doing it

come on start with the left leg

No.

No, absolutely not.

But still, no, right?

Yeah.

Hey,

what's going on? Stop.

Robert, what's the date today?

It's May 8th. Why?

May 8th, 2026.

The fifth greatest day of my life.

It's perfect.

I... I don't get it. Robert, this is a mint condition Ohio art company etch-a

-sketch. You think I could just pass this thing up? You can etch a sketch,

Robert.

Okay.

So what do you think?

What do I think?

I think the absolute elation and unbridled joy I'm feeling in this very

moment is no less than a parent feels the very first time they hold their

child. I think...

This might be the greatest place on earth. I think I'm gonna cry. I don't

care what it costs. I don't care what you think. I'm getting it.

No, I mean about his outfit.

The bulb was loose.

Hello, officer.

Is there something I can help you with?

Yeah, does a Robert Fulton work here?

Does he work here? This is practically his second home. He's my most reliable

employee.

Where did you get this? Is he okay?

Yeah. I just pulled him over earlier. He probably just left it at the barbecue.

Pulled over?

Barbecue?

This sounds very unlike Robert.

Though, he did leave work early, and I haven't seen him all day.

When, um... When was this?

Just about two hours ago.

He was with some short guy.

And another man in an amazing Sasquatch costume.

Short guy?

See him?

Sasquatch costume?

Are you sure this is who you saw?

Yes, sir. Pulled him over for a bomb taillight.

He was really shaken up about it.

I mean, literally shaken.

Well, that does sound like Robert.

Chip, there's another fight going on at the bowling alley.

Copy that.

I gotta be taking off. Wait, did they say where they were going?

Tacoma.

Tacoma? Yeah.

Wait.

Did I have my gun with me when I came up?

I don't know, but guns aren't allowed in the park.

They are for me.

I should be heading out.

Mama!

I'm just calling to tell you I'm not going to be home for dinner tonight.

But Rusty, it's back in cheese night.

I know, but I'm going to Washington.

Washington?

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

Rusty, get your butt home. You shouldn't be driving my car.

Yeah! Yeah!

I love it here.

Tennessee? No, uh, Cracker Bear.

I love Cracker Bear.

Thought you said you'd never been here before.

Oh, I haven't. This is my first time.

Haven't even gone inside. I don't need to.

Hey, uh, where's my guitar?

Oh, uh, do you remember how, when you asked me how I got Squatch in the van, I

said I did the stick thing? Yeah. Well, I tried the stick thing, and I tried the

candy bar thing, and that wasn't really working, so I used your guitar.

Okay, but where is it? I don't see it.

Let's just say I owe you a guitar. That was my grandpa's guitar. He gave it to

me for my 10th birthday.

Where is he?

He's dead.

What? No.

Squatch, where'd he go?

I hear splashing.

Well, look.

He caught us a delicious bass.

I don't think that's for us.

Sam, how much do you think he weighs?

Um, I don't know.

200 pounds?

200 pounds?

You really think he only weighs 200 pounds?

Well, I don't know, Robert. You can't really tell where the fur ends and the

body begins.

A creature his size would need a minimum of 8,000 calories per day.

250.

We're going to need a lot more food.

Well, luckily for him, we happen to be spending the night outside of the most

magical place on Earth.

Now that was incredible.

And the gift shop? You didn't tell me they had a gift shop.

I completely forgot.

Haven't been here since my Eagle Scout ceremony.

I didn't go to my Eagle Scout ceremony.

Why not?

It's past my bedtime.

Oh, yeah.

Bummer.

Did he just throw his trash away?

Yeah. Did you teach him that?

No.

He's learning.

What time is it?

It is 10.03.

I'm going to go to bed.

And you should too.

Got a long day of driving tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to take this in a little bit longer.

Good night.

Night.

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

Hey!

What are you doing, man?

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

Look, man, I can't have you in my parking lot licking mud off the ground.

You're going to scare the customers.

No worries, man.

I was just leaving anyway.

Sam, uh, can you check over here for my phone?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Um... Uh, I am not seeing it anywhere, man.

Uh, where do you remember having it last?

I'm trying to think.

Oh, shoot.

What? I had my ID in my phone when we got pulled over yesterday.

I handed it to the officer because I had my insurance on it. I don't think he

ever gave it back.

Well, at least you have your debit card.

Yeah, but I really shouldn't be driving without my license.

What did you need your phone for anyway? Did you need to make a call? I mean, you

could use mine.

I was going to feed my fish.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Did you just say feed your fish?

Oh, yeah.

About a week ago, I fully automated my fish feeding process.

Didn't know it was coming so handy.

Here, get your phone out.

Okay.

Dial this number.

For security purposes, please press 11.

Um, 11?

Just press 1 twice.

Well, duh, but why not just have it say press 1?

It's for security purposes, Sam. I can't have robots hack this and compromise the

process.

Feeding complete.

Feeding complete.

There, he's fed.

I don't know what

I'm gonna get.

Yeah, me either.

Uh, yeah, I'll take... Four foot-long chili cheese coneys, two orders of fries

and tots with the signature sauce, one onion ring, and three large cherry

limeades.

That sounded good.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Welcome to Sonic. My name is Jody. What can I get for you today?

Hi, yeah.

Um, I would actually like to order, uh, the same thing as the person in the

stall to my right.

You want exactly what they're getting?

Uh, yeah.

And, um, it was the, uh, foot-long chili cheese... You want four foot-long chili

cheese coneys, two orders of fries, tossed with a signature sauce, one onion

ring, and three large trailer maids?

Yeah. Oh, and can I also add one ham and cheese... You don't want what the other

car is having.

Mm-hmm. A second ago, you said you wanted the exact same order as the

person next to you. Listen, uh, Jody, uh, it's been a really long couple of

days, um, and while I personally am loving the semantics lesson you are

being so kind as to bestow upon us, I'd love it even more if you would just...

Be cool and let us add to the order.

Sorry, go ahead.

Thanks.

Yeah, I'll add one ham and cheese. Oh, actually, make that three grilled ham

and cheese sandwiches.

That'll be $48.67. We'll have that right out.

I remember my first onion ring.

Wow. She really meant right out, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

He must be new.

No, Robert, check on him. Oh, uh, are you okay, sir?

Oh, my elbow.

Did you just hit him again? I didn't hit him the first time.

But, yes, I did hit him the second time.

I am so sorry.

Please help me, sir.

Can you call my parents? No.

Robert.

Welcome to Sonic. My name is Jody. What can I get for you today?

Hi. Yeah.

Me again.

Robert, what do you need?

Take the wheel.

My God, Robert.

Ten and two.

What? Put your hands in the ten and two position. You know, actually, Robert,

newer studies have found that nine and three is the optimal placement for hands

while driving. Not just for improved accuracy and dexterity, but also to help

prevent injury in the case of an automobile accident.

Really? Mm-hmm.

I had not heard then. I'm surprised I usually keep up on all the safety

protocols. You know what?

Don't beat yourself up.

You've got a lot going on with your robot fish feeding.

Process. Process. And the whole park closing and all. And the whole Sasquatch

thing. And, you know, you've just got a lot on your plate right now. Who knows,

in a year or two... Eyes on the road! You're gonna kill us all!

Sorry, sorry.

My bad, man.

Sorry.

Robert.

My God.

He's an artist.

I pull you down to mine.

Isn't it magnificent?

Welp.

You gave it all and I gave you the same.

I got some plans.

That is the truth.

And I bet it ain't too hard to guess what I'm going to do to you. All that

you wanted was this.

Then it is just left to pull them into mine.

I pull them into mine.

And if you wanna kiss, baby, it's such a loss. I pull you

under my, I pull you under my, I pull you under my.

Nah, doll, we're good. We're in, I don't know, we're in Kansas or, I don't know,

Wyoming? Something?

No,

no, he's doing good.

I'm really surprised by it. You know, he's eating all his vegetables, cutting

up his own hot dog.

Couldn't be more proud.

help here.

Geez, yeah. Hey, I gotta go. Oh my gosh, Robert, what is going on? I don't know.

I can't get it to stop.

Oh, sorry.

You see what I'm talking about?

It's just a steady stream.

Good heavens, I don't know what I'm dealing with here.

Emergency shutoff button.

Oh, yeah.

The button.

Kind of forgot about the button.

Well, that wasn't so good.

Look, oh!

But what if we... No?

All I'm saying is that... But I mean... Sam, I think it's best if we never

speak of this again.

But what if we... Never, ever.

That's fair.

I noticed in my thermal imagers just the sheer girth. Like, bro.

Whether or not it was mostly the fur, that's hard to say.

Hey, Robert, I'm going to go see if they have an ice machine, okay?

Okay.

I'll be right back.

Hold down the fort.

No, you can't come. You don't have any pants on.

But it hung down like a leather fringe jacket.

Long, long hair on him.

This thing was a big boy.

Black fur, but it parts almost.

Sam, are you there?

Oh, Sam, you sound terrible. What's wrong?

Everything okay out there?

Robert? Was that you?

Was that Robert?

Oh, Sam.

You sound terrible.

You know what?

You guys just take it easy and we'll talk tomorrow, okay?

Well then.

Back to work, buddy.

Chop, chop.

Where are your Boy Scouts?

Yep. They had ice.

I knew it.

What do you need ice for?

Emergencies. Wait, is there an emergency?

No, no, no, no, no.

But there might be.

Why would there be an emergency?

There won't be. There won't be. But if there is,

we'll be prepared.

I froze at first when I saw him, but then, you know, I turned and started

slinking up the trail after.

There we go.

Good morning.

Good morning. How was your stay?

Oh, it was quite nice. Thank you.

Plus, really can't beat that view.

Well, well, well. Did you just come all this way just to check me out?

Uh, this is where I check out, isn't it? I sure hope so.

Did you enjoy the beds? They're brand new. I haven't even gotten to properly

break one in yet.

Oh.

Well, uh, maybe next time we'll break one in for you.

That sounds... Wait, we?

Hey, got everything loaded up? Are we ready to roll?

Hi there.

Anything changes, give me a call, okay?

Oh.

Don't you worry.

I'll make sure to call if there's anything that I need.

Or want.

But I won't be needing this because I have this motel chain's phone number

memorized.

Recycle that.

Robert? What?

Nothing.

She was cute.

Yeah. Yeah, she was.

You get that she was flirting with you, right?

What?

No, I... She was just being friendly. I'm sorry. My mistake.

Does every friendly woman you know give you their phone number? Well, I... Well,

if she was so cute, why didn't you give her your number?

Two reasons, Robert. Number one, bro code. I understand this may be a new

concept for you, so let me explain. Robert, you and I are bros. When a woman

is flirting with one bro, regardless of how cute she is, the other bro does not

flirt with her. And number two, and more importantly, I'm married.

Sam, you're not married.

Yeah, I tell you this all the time.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just thought you were doing that dated and, quite frankly, not very

funny Borat impression.

Dated? Borat is a classic. It's always funny. My wife!

I stand by what I said.

It's not about the Borat thing.

Well, not just about the Borat thing. I'm genuinely sorry.

Look, it's fine.

I get it. When we're at work, we kind of just talk about work. And when we're

bowling, we just talk about bowling. Look.

Here.

Oh, Sam.

That's my Nadia. She's beautiful.

Wait, is this a mug shot?

Sam, do you have a prison wife?

County jail. She's in county jail and she's going to be out in six to eight

months. Pending good behavior.

And a lenient judge.

Hey, do you see that?

It's a person.

Well, yeah, but what's he doing?

I don't know.

Is that a shovel?

Yep, it's a shovel.

Oh, great.

He wants a ride.

And we're gonna give it to him.

Hey, sup?

Hey, thanks for the ride.

No problem.

Happy to help.

Where are you headed?

Um, west.

As far as you can take me.

My friend, you are in luck.

We are headed all the way west.

Name's Robert, by the way. Uh, Robert Fulton. And no, not the Robert Fulton.

You know, Robert Fulton.

Popularized the steamboat.

Commissioned in 1800 by Napoleon to invent the Nautilus.

The world's most practical submarine.

Not even you, Sam.

Wow. Well, my co-pilot here is one Mr.

Samuel Clements. Oh, like Mark Twain?

Yup.

So what's your name, friend?

Uh, uh, Joe?

Joe! Oh, good name.

Great name!

Oh, I never forget a name, Joe.

And I never forget a face.

So to what divine happenstance do we owe your very unexpected but very welcome

company this morning, Joe?

Uh, uh, my truck broke down?

Ha! I knew it!

A fellow traveler of the road, westward bound and broken down.

The American dream?

Uh, what's with the shovel?

Uh, uh, I dig?

Ha, see, Sam?

Salt of the earth. A diggin' man.

Had I not found the National Park Services, I too may have become a

diggin' man.

Workin' with my hands.

Gettin' cuts on my arms.

Uh, get lots of cuts diggin', Joe?

Uh... Uh, it was my cat.

Hey, hey, could you crack a window?

It's getting a bit hot back here. No problem.

Robert!

Was that a phone?

You cannot be throwing things out like that. I could be ticketed. Not to

mention that is not how you properly dispose of a lithium ion battery.

Is he taking his clothes off?

Yep, he's taking them off.

Oh, and he goes down. Oh, and he's back up.

God, he's fast.

And he's down again.

Oh, man.

I thought he needed a ride.

Does he look like he still needs a ride?

Forgot his shovel.

What's a digging man without his shovel?

oh no wait now i've touched it robert it's coming with us what what if he

comes back for it you think a naked man who just sprinted away from his shovel

is coming back for it also what the hell was all hey do not swear where the

sasquatch can hear you get back in the van robert

Hello? Well, you sound much better, mister.

Nope.

Uh... Hello?

Hello, Robert. Is everything okay?

Are you coming into work today?

I need you guys to help finish clearing the trees at the south entrance to the

park. AlphaZon needs an access road there by the end of the week.

No.

No, Melvin.

We're not... coming back to work.

No?

What do you mean, no? I mean we're not coming in.

Well, if you guys still aren't feeling well, we can probably push that to first

thing tomorrow. That should be fine.

Uh, no.

I'm sorry, Melvin. Maybe I misspoke.

We're not coming back to work.

Not today.

Not ever.

What do you mean, not ever? We still have work to do. I need you.

You have to come back!

Melvin, I'm doing the most important work I've ever done in my whole life.

I'm doing real good.

Actual good.

Something that matters. Something that makes a difference.

Something you wouldn't understand.

So, no, Melvin, I'm sorry, but I won't have any part in tearing down the only

thing I ever loved.

Robert?

If you don't come back, you'll lose your severance. You won't see a dime.

It's not my call.

I'm part of the system. Same as you.

It's just how these things work.

You have to come back.

I don't care.

Whatever it is, tell him I don't care either.

And neither does Sam.

Goodbye, Melvin.

That was awesome

That was

not

Hold

on to that for a second

So... what's wrong with it?

I'm not entirely sure. We definitely need a new fuel line.

Possibly even a new pump.

This isn't good, Sam. I don't even know where we are.

Rob?

Robbie.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I live here. What are you doing here? I didn't know you were out in Idaho.

Well, I'm on a work trip.

We're broken down.

You don't say.

I mean, here I was coming home from bingo. And what do I run into?

Five poor souls on the side of the road?

Figure I better stop, see if I can help.

And one of them is my grandson.

What are the chances? Did you say five poor souls?

Grandma, should you be driving? I thought they revoked your license years

ago. Oh, kiddo. What Johnny Law don't know can't hurt him.

Grandma, um, Grandma, your car's over here.

Oh, silly me.

You fellas coming or not.

So, Grandma, where's Land Biscuit? She usually runs next to the car as we pull

in the driveway.

Oh, you know what?

Crazy thing.

A few weeks ago, we had a kind of electrical storm.

Must have spooked the poor thing, and she ran off. She's gone? No, no, not

gone. Just not here.

Huh.

That's your tenth birthday.

Remember when Grandpa gave you that guitar?

Oh, yeah.

I remember.

Yes.

Well,

you

boys must be starving.

Let's eat.

You know I'm looking at you. Yep.

So, Robbie, I of course know who Sam is, but you

haven't introduced me to your other friend here.

What's his name?

Oh, uh, it's, um,

Kevin.

Oh.

I absolutely love the name Calvin. So many strong men named Calvin. No,

Grandma, Kevin. Calvin Borrell, American horse jockey.

Calvin Coolidge, our greatest president.

Snoop Dogg. Oh, and that handsome Brit who played Superman.

Oh, I'm pretty sure the guy who played Superman's name is Henry Cavill. Oh,

indeed.

So, what's the plan for the van?

I don't know. We're gonna need some cash.

Why would we need cash?

Well, there was the gas, and the food, and the $400 hotel.

I'm so sorry, did you just say $400?

Yeah, well... Robert, it was a two-star roadside motel. Did they really charge

you $400?

Well, it was more like $430 after tax.

Well, I thought it was steep, too, but when I was checking out, the lady had

mentioned something about just replacing the beds, and I wasn't going to argue

with her.

Calvin?

Are you okay?

Oh, yes, he's fine. He probably just needs some more water.

Will you excuse me, ma'am? I've got to take this. Oh, of course. Sure.

Hello?

Here you go, bud.

Oh, Rob, if you're needing some money...

You can always go work for a day at Leonard Jones's Potato Farm.

I can drive you up there if you like.

Oh, please, no.

I mean, no.

That won't be necessary. No need for you to drive us around all day, but thank

you. Besides, isn't Leonard Jones the guy who got in all that trouble for

hunting people in his helicopter?

Oh, hunting in a helicopter.

Yes.

But he's out of jail now.

I'll think about it. I can give him a call if you like. Just say the word.

I got it. Got what?

I got us a job.

What? Where? How? I just got off the phone with Nadja. She said her cellmate

has family up here and they own a firework stand. Said we can work there

tomorrow. Did you say cellmate?

Oh, he has a prison wife.

Oh, how lovely, Sam.

I'm so happy for you. Yeah, yeah, thank you, ma'am. But really, she's just a

regular wife. I mean, yes, she does happen to be in jail right now, but that

doesn't really matter. Look, where are we?

I don't know.

Uh, no, no, no. What town are we in?

Oh, Jerome.

Jerome, Idaho. Okay, and is that close to Fairfield?

Um, Fairfield is just about an hour north of here. I could drive you there.

Oh, God, please, no. No, no, no, no, no, no need to worry yourself with all that.

No, we can do that, but that's going to be perfect. We're just going to do that.

Let's just plan on that. Oh, Sam.

What?

Fireworks? I don't know anything about fireworks.

Robert, we're not making fireworks. We just got to sell them.

Yeah, but I've never worked retail.

What if I don't possess the skill?

It's a fireworks day. In May. I'm surprised the thing's even open. I doubt

anybody shows up, let alone that we are put in a position where you are required

to make a sale.

Okay, but what about... Fair point.

Hey, Grandma, um, tomorrow, when Sam and I are gone, is it okay if,

um... Kevin, um, stays back and gets some rest.

Oh, is he not feeling well?

No, no, he's fine. I think he's just a little tired from the traveling.

Oh, well then, he can absolutely stay here. I'll be sure to take good care of

him.

Everything okay?

Oh, yes.

He's...

He's just so strong.

Sam, when you're right, you're right.

We've been sitting here for two and a half hours and not a single soul has

even stopped, let alone bought anything.

Frankly, I'm a little embarrassed I was so nervous before.

I'm sure if someone did stop by, I'd be fine. I do totally.

Oh, I'm gonna throw up.

For the love of God, Robert, it's one guy, you're gonna be fine.

Oh, that's a big guy.

I think that's Peter Mayhew. I thought Peter Mayhew died.

Uh, hi.

Um, welcome to, uh, Bolshoi Bum Fireworks. How can we

help you today?

Sir, you really shouldn't be smoking here.

What? You really shouldn't be smoking this close to the fireworks.

It's a safety hazard for reasons I assumed would be obvious.

The weather in Prague is cold.

I'm sorry, sir. What?

I said, the weather...

In Prague is cold.

Oh, sir.

While I have not been to Prague, I have it under very good authority, that

authority being the weather channel, that it is currently fairly temperate

and quite nice in the Czech Republic this time of year. But it's sunny in

Berlin. No.

You have package for Luka?

Uh... No, no. Other side.

Um, uh, is this for Luca?

Um, uh, sir, I must really insist that you put that cigarette out.

Oh.

But I am not done.

He is not done.

It's perfect!

Tell Igor Luka sends his regards.

Did he just hit you with a cigarette?

Yeah. Huh.

Did we just get robbed?

Wait was that dynamite?

Are we gonna get in trouble?

That's retail.

Hey, Grandma.

Hey, Robbie dear.

How did everything go today?

How did go?

Look at him.

Figured you would have slept in all day.

You know, get some rest.

Gosh, no.

We have had a very full afternoon.

Full how?

Well, first, I started by making him breakfast in bed.

he loved every bite after that we did a one-hour guided meditation by the pond

followed by a foot massage from yours truly what a big foot

and then we ended the afternoon with a short tai chi session some herbal tea

and an exfoliating facial treatment wow

well it sounds like you guys had a great day even though he doesn't talk much i'm

sure he really appreciated it oh what do you mean he doesn't talk much i couldn't

get him to stop talking he has quite the vocabulary

Oh, you're my man, Calvin.

Well,

everything's loaded up.

We better get going so we can put the new part in while the sun's still out.

Oh, before I take you guys, I wanted to give you this.

Grandma, what is this?

Oh, just a little something for the road.

A little something?

There's got to be $10,000 here.

Right around there, yeah.

Been meaning to give it to you since you got here.

Figured you could use it to fix your van.

But we worked at that firework stand.

Oh, yes, dear.

How was that? I'm fairly certain we were parties to a crime.

Parties are just the best, aren't they? What?

No, no, I mean, if you're gonna give me $10,000, why didn't you do it before we

worked at some Russian mob-backed fireworks stand?

I forgot.

Where did you even get $10,000?

In the walls.

Hey, uh, thanks for the brownies.

what's up you are most welcome sam but grandma this is too much

that is not your decision to make young man i love you

and i want you to have it

Where am I?

Uh, you appear to be in a Hyundai, sir. That is not what he means.

I need to be in Abbotsford.

Abbotsford? Abbotsford, British Columbia?

Abbotsford! Okay, so what you're gonna want to do is start heading this

direction and follow I-84 West to W-814 West in Plymouth for exactly 373

miles, and then take exit 131 from I-82 West.

Once you're on I-82 West and Prosser from South Plymouth Road, you'll go 38

and a half miles until you hit Sellards Road and WA-221 North. Now don't get

lost and go past there. You'll end up on Mount Adams. Next, follow I-82 West,

take I-90 West and I-5 North to WA-542 East Sunset Drive in Bellingham. Now

this is a big 274 mile stint, so definitely pull over if you need a quick

nap. Take Everson-Goshen Road, WA-544 East, WA-9 North, and Riverside Road to

South Grazer Way, and then you, my friend, will be in Abbotsford.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what I got, too.

Where am I?

Hey, uh...

Did you see where Big Guy went?

Maybe he's peeing before we hit the road.

Yeah, maybe.

Sam?

Yeah, what's up?

Did you put this on here?

No. What even is that thing?

I don't know.

Kevin!

Whoa! Thank God you guys are here.

I called for your Bigfoot and he came.

Then he pulled out a gun. I put my hands up in the air like they do in the

movies. And I spoke to him real gentle and...

Well, he handed it to me.

And I started taking the bullets out. Like, you know, like they do in the

movies. And bam, it went off. And, oh, jeez. I think I shot a tree over there,

but I can't seem to let it go.

Okay, fella.

There, there. I got that.

Thank you.

Yeah.

You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment.

Oh, uh, hey.

Does anybody want a brownie? Oh, yes, please.

Um, Rusty?

Oh, no thanks. I'm good.

Hey.

Is this yours?

Yeah. Uh, what is it? It's a tracking device.

Why are you tracking us?

When I was a kid, my family went to the park. It was a tradition.

We'd come and walk the trails and talk to the rangers and look at the wildlife.

As a family.

This one particular day, though, I felt like I was old enough to go off on my

own. I thought I knew the park pretty well. So I snuck off the trail my family

was walking down and wandered into the woods.

At first it was fun.

Then it was scary.

I'd gotten lost.

I can't remember how long I was lost for, but I started to cry. And not too

long after that, I heard footsteps.

And I thought it might be my father, so I shouted.

The footsteps grew louder. Just then, there was this loud crack.

I froze and squeezed my eyes shut.

When I opened them, there he was, holding up a tree that had fallen.

It would have crushed me, but he caught it.

I was mesmerized. He was so big.

I was also so scared.

I mean, he was so big.

And I took a couple steps backwards and tripped and fell.

He put the tree down and came towards me, but I got up and ran.

When I finally found my family, I tried bringing them back to where he was, but

he was gone.

They didn't believe me.

We stopped going to the park after that.

I guess I'd worry them too much, but I'd sneak off and bring my friends. Every

chance I got, I'd bring them, but we never found him.

And after a while, they stopped believing me too.

They didn't want to hang out with me anymore.

No one wanted to hang out with the liar.

Not even my family.

So when I turned 18, I moved away, and I stayed away.

Then I met a girl, and we got married.

Then one day I told her about it. At first she thought I was messing with

her, but I convinced her to let me take her there.

And we came, and we couldn't find him. But we tried, again and again, until one

day she asked me to stop, because she didn't believe me.

But I couldn't stop, so she left.

And then I quit looking.

It was too late. She wasn't coming back.

But I was done.

I finally realized that I must have imagined the whole thing.

So I got a job. And I stuck with it. And I put it behind me.

And sure, it took a while. But I was pretty happy. At least, content.

Then one day, I'm at the bar after work. Two park rangers come in talking about a

Sasquatch.

And here we are.

And here you are.

I just needed to know.

I needed to know that you were real.

And I'm not crazy.

And thank you for saving my life.

Whoop. Better get going.

Uh, what? Why?

You're really just going to turn around and go home?

Well, yeah.

I did everything I came here to do.

Besides, if I leave now, I can get home right before Taco Tuesday.

Well, if you have a few minutes.

We could light off these fireworks.

Robert, I didn't see you pay for any fireworks.

That's retail.

Tuesday! Was that a horse?

Land Biscuit?

Hey, do you guys feel weird?

Yeah, man. I think we're high.

High?

Why would we be high? I can't be high.

Oh, your grandma's brownies.

Well, she said her neighbor makes it for her.

Helps her with her glaucoma.

Chocolate's good for your eyes.

That's carrots, man.

Carrots are good for your eyes.

Chocolate is good for your soul.

Oh.

That's deep.

Yeah, man.

We in Washington already?

Oh, yeah.

We crossed state line a couple hours ago. I didn't want to wake you.

How far are we from Tacoma?

Maybe two hours.

What do we do after this?

What do you mean?

I mean, do we just drop them off at the park and say goodbye and go home?

Yeah.

That's what we do.

I don't want to do that.

I don't know, it feels... Robert, it feels like we're abandoning him here.

I don't want to do that either.

But it's the right thing to do.

He's an animal, and it's our job to ensure his safety. I don't take that

lightly, and I know you don't either.

This place will be good for him. You said it yourself, there may be more like

him. He should have a chance to live with them.

Maybe even start a family.

Yeah. Well, we made it.

You're gonna love it here.

Just watch out for all the bears.

There are way more bears here than there are back home. They got grizzly bears,

brown bears, kodiaks. They got... He's the most elusive creature known to man.

How many people have you heard have found a Sasquatch attacked by a bear?

Who am I kidding?

You'll be fine.

Have fun eating the bears.

Well, uh, make sure to be safe, and, uh, always remember that it's very important

to put...

Bye. Hey, Robert.

Oh, he's just so strong.

Oh my gosh,

are you okay, sir?

Did they really charge you $400?

Well, it was more like $430 after tax.

Yeah, yeah.

And come at me and fly out of the frame towards me and past me. Fly with your

arms out, Marcus.

Are you good, Aaron?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

No one's ever going to believe you.