Original subtitles

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- "Will & Grace" is shot before a live studio audience.

- Okay, so I got two poached eggs for Grace,

one over easy for Jack,

and eggs Benedict for Karen, sub vodka for bread,

and tomato juice for everything else.

- Thanks for the bloody, Mary.

- You're in a good mood. Wonder why that is.

I know it's not from having sex or stepping on a scale.

Oh, did Target release a new dish scrubber?

[laughing]

- He literally just made you eggs.

- I am in a good mood 'cause I finally found a woman

with a perfect uterus.

- You're a dirty dog, Will.

I knew you'd find your way back.

It's got to be a real kick in the balls for you, Red.

- I'm talking, of course, about a surrogate.

Her name's Jenny, she's been through the process before,

and her lady apparatus gets stellar reviews.

- Apparatus?

Sounds like Jay Leno built it in his garage.

- So you have an egg donor,

but this other woman is gonna carry

your gay baby for nine months?

How much is making God cry going to cost you?

- It's not about the money.

She just loves helping people become parents.

- 30 grand.

- Why do women get all the best jobs?

- Oh. I should go.

I still got to figure out

how I'm gonna get up to Newburgh to meet her.

I can't even picture where that is.

You know, in my mind, it goes New York,

the Neiman's in White Plains, then Canada.

- Oh, that's a coinky-dink.

I'm going to the ballpark in Blattsville.

I go right through Newburgh.

Well, good luck with whatever your thing is.

- Karen, can I get a ride?

- [groans] It's really out of my way, but fine.

You can hold the steering wheel while I flash truckers.

[upbeat trumpet and piano music]

♪

- [gasps] Look.

There's a reunion today for anyone who played Annie

on Broadway or national tours.

- What?

Annie-Con is today? - Yeah.

- Does it say who the guest of honor is?

- I-I... - Sarah Jessica Parker.

It's Sarah Jessica Parker!

Oh, but it's sold out. [groans]

- Ugh. I wanted to play Annie so badly when I was a kid.

My mom directed a production

in the Schenectady Women's Center,

and she cast herself as Mommy Warbucks.

I sang my little heart out.

And my own mother said I wasn't Annie material.

- You can get me into Annie-Con.

- How?

- You could've played Annie 40--

- Careful.

- Several years ago.

[knocking at door] - One sec.

Before I open this door, you should know I have a knife...

and a dog.

And the dog has a knife, too.

- Uh, it's Will. Will Truman.

I feel weird 'cause I don't have a knife.

- Hey, sorry about the knife thing.

It's kind of how we say hello in this neighborhood.

Well, and good-bye.

- You must be Jenny. Wow.

You, me, this is...

this is us.

- Yeah.

It's a big thing. We're gonna make a person.

- [chuckles]

- Excuse the mess.

I hope you're not one of those gay guys

that needs everything to be neat.

- What, me? No.

Uh, I know I'm-- I know I'm early.

I got a ride with an insane person who thinks

that stoplights are only for the 99%.

- The taxes I refuse to pay built those highways.

- Hi. Jenny.

- Well, hello, Hi-Jenny.

I'm Hi-Karen.

Oh, I like this one.

- Just a minute.

I have to finish up a work thing.

- Well, she does have a nice uterus.

- What are you doing here?

- I had to tinkle.

- Well, you couldn't do it somewhere else?

- I usually go in the car and hand it to driver,

but he just joined a union,

and now he's technically a person.

- Oh, God.

Oh, no, no.

Maybe just one. Eenie, meenie, miney, filthy.

- Okay, guys, I'm signing off.

Mike, we already talked about this.

I don't like that aggressive crap.

Guys, you know the rules.

If you don't play nice, you're gone.

[computer chimes]

Thanks for the tip, Feenster.

- What is this? Is this a porn site?

- No, it's not porn. I'm a cam girl.

Guys pay me a little to flirt, show some skin.

- "He looks super gay." Who?

Guess what, DongerDoyle. I am super gay.

- Weird flex, but okay.

.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Oh, my ginger.

- Think how much skin cancer there is

in this room right now.

- Okay, okay, go up to that table

and grab an unclaimed name tag, all right?

And I'll scan the crowd for--Sarah!

Oh, it was just a ladder.

- Welcome to Annie-Con. I'm Pam Muntz.

I did two tours as stage manager in '03 and '09,

plus three months of transitional protocol

in the South Korean Theater in '98.

- Thank you for your service.

I'm just gonna grab my name tag.

- You're Ramona Delaney? - Mm-hmm.

- You're a legend.

I can't believe you showed.

- Thank you.

It's always nice to meet the fans.

We are in, and apparently, I'm a legend.

- Oh, crap. Jerry Sussman is here.

He used to be a catty audition accompanist,

then he made it big, and now he's a big, huge pianist.

- Uh, what was that?

- A big, huge pianist.

I just heard that. That's amazing.

But he's the worst.

- Hello, Jack.

- Hello, Jerry. Nancy meeting you here.

- That fell a little flat.

Just like the G you tried to hit in "Corner of the Sky"

at that non-equity "Rent" audition.

You were, like, "G, what if this were an F-sharp?"

Oh, my God. Ramona Delaney.

- Uh, yes, it is. That's--that's me.

- I've been obsessed with you since forever.

You were born to play Annie.

- Thank you, thank you.

I always thought the same.

My mother said I wasn't Annie material,

but I guess she was wrong.

- So wrong.

Like when Jack tries to sing.

- Beat it, Jerry.

- Obsessed.

- I thought that pianist would never get out of my face.

Never said that sentence before.

- This is so amazing.

It's like I get to experience all the joys of living my dream

with none of the bad parts.

- Ramona? Ramona Delaney?

Is that really you?

- It is. Would you like a picture?

- I've wanted to do that for 36 years.

♪

- Okay, Will, I drained the main vein.

I'll be in the car.

Good Lord, is this the Port Authority?

- Yeah, you just missed the Greyhound in the living room.

Who are you?

- Karen Walker.

I drove my sissy friend here to meet a surrogate.

Oh, don't tell him I called him a friend.

- The surrogate's my sister.

- I see.

And you're faking a disability so that you can cash

a government check to buy cigarettes?

- Shrapnel from an IED

destroyed my C7 vertebra in Iraq three years ago.

- Well, then you must've been on vacation

because we liberated Iraq in 2003.

Mission accomplished.

- Those must've been tourists who were shooting at me.

- Huh.

- Okay, go for it.

I know you want to call me a brave hero

with tears in your eyes.

- Honey, I'm the brave one.

I just flushed a toilet myself for the first time in 20 years.

Do a lot of people do that?

- I'm inspiration porn.

- [chuckles] You're dry and bitter.

Two things I like in a drink and a man.

- Hey, can you help me get some pills?

- What kind of woman do I look like?

- The kind who goes to international waters

for a doctor's appointment.

I meant my pills. They rolled under the bed.

- Are you sure?

I've got some black beauties, some green beans,

and a half a bottle of California turnarounds.

- What's a California turnaround?

- You take one, you can drive to California,

turn around, and drive back without sleeping.

- Those are a little Dark Web for me.

Maybe just help me find the ones

I actually have a prescription for.

- Well, if we're talking Dark Web,

I've got one called the grassy knoll.

It hits you in the head twice from two directions.

.

[upbeat music]

- Look, you're making way too big of a deal about this.

Guys literally get on for 20 minutes,

we chat, they hop off.

- Right, so they get on and get off.

This wasn't on your profile.

So any other things that I should know about you?

- Yeah, I mean, I make my own root beer.

I once killed a drifter

to watch the life drain from his eyes.

That's a joke.

Both parts. - Okay, okay.

- Look, it's no big deal.

It pays the bills until somebody puts a baby in me.

[computer chimes]

- Not what she meant. - Oh, not like that.

- Um...

I'm not saying this in a--in a judgmental way...

despite the tone I hear in my voice

and the face I'm trying not to make.

Um...

are you gonna be doing this while you're carrying my child?

- Look, I don't smoke. I don't drink.

I don't do drugs.

Nothing harmful goes into my body,

and perfect babies comes out.

I'm like a machine... but with emotions.

So, like, machines in two years.

- You've done surrogacy before. I haven't.

Um, I really want to trust you, but, you know,

now that I've seen behind the curtain,

literally, I, um...

I just--I just...

I got some things to think about.

- We're cool.

Nobody gets that this is a big decision more than I do.

- Thanks. Thank you.

- Plus, your timing's perfect

'cause my pimp's gonna be here any minute,

and he really doesn't like white guys.

Joking.

Both parts. - Both part, okay.

- Okay, okay, so I asked around,

and the woman who threw the drink in your face

is Molly McGann,

and "you," Ramona Delaney, were her understudy.

During previews,

"you" gave her a bottle of water

spiked with tabasco sauce,

so she lost her voice during "Tomorrow,"

and "you" replaced her. - Oh.

That is terrible.

But I was better, right?

- Okay, listen up, Annies.

Apparently Sarah Jessica Parker is running late

because she did not believe this was a real thing.

So we're gonna need someone else to sing "Tomorrow."

- Hello.

Obviously it should be a sing-off

between Ramona and Molly.

- I'll do it. What do you say, Ramona?

Are you scared for a fair fight?

- Molly, what I did to you was so awful,

but I was a different person back then, literally.

You sing that song for the fans.

You deserve it.

- It figures you would back down.

You were never Annie material anyway.

- What the freckle did you just say to me?

♪

- How many of these do you take?

- Two. - And how many do you want?

- Two.

- Really?

Okay.

Are you looking down my dress?

- No.

- How about now?

- Wow. Congrats.

- Oh, thanks.

I just had them balanced and rotated.

So it's just you and your sister squatting here?

No girlfriend?

Is there a Mrs. Wheelchair?

- I was engaged before my deployment,

but, you know, things change.

People grow apart.

One of you suffers a catastrophic spinal injury.

- Has there been anyone else? You getting any?

- Oh, yeah. I'm rolling in it.

- Hmm.

You're funny.

You should do stand-up.

[both laughing]

Well...

But I get it.

Ever since my divorce,

there hasn't been too much action

on my southern front either.

- I find that hard to believe.

I'd say something about taking cover in the bush here...

but you seem like a lady.

- You're a terrible judge of character.

- Don't worry about me. I did my share.

And maybe sex isn't that important.

- You know, I promised myself

and my parole officer that I would never slap

another man in a wheelchair.

There are two things that are important in this life--

sex and money.

And if you don't have one,

you sure as hell better have the other.

- Well, I guess I better pray to win the lottery.

- I think you're about to.

As I said to Judith Lard at the Tenth Street Baths...

It's about to get a lot hotter in here.

- Grace, you can't beat Molly McGann in a sing-off.

She's a Broadway star.

She played Tracy Turnblad

and Eponine on an Alaskan cruise.

- Jack, I can do this.

I am as good as--

as any of those washed-up, old cruise ship Annies.

How about having a little faith in me?

- I absolutely have faith in you.

- Let's try it one more time. Last eight bars.

- ♪ You're always a day

♪ Away!

Hey, you want this extra water?

- Yeah. - Don't drink it.

- Why?

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

- You think I went to the trouble of putting tabasco

in a sealed bottle of water

and then re-sealed it just to sabotage you?

Here, you want the one I already drank half of?

Knock yourself out.

- I guess we were a little silly.

I mean, it was an unopened bottle.

- No, Grace, we were very, very smart.

[coughs]

.

[upbeat music]

- Sure, Jenny's life choices are a little questionable,

but, you know, maybe the surrogacy fee

will help lift her out of where she is now.

When did you start wearing a flag pin?

- I want to show I support the troops.

Their full body weight, if necessary.

In a position I may have just invented.

- I don't know what that means, but...

you know, the more I think about it,

the more I think I should give this to her.

You know, maybe by helping me bring a life into this world,

she'll also be saving her own.

Who else can do that for her? DongerDoyle?

[laughing] I don't think so.

[cell phone vibrates]

It's her.

Uh...

"Not feeling it. Sorry.

I'm gonna pass. Good luck."

She's passing on me?

- Well, of course, she is. You're a snob.

- Oh, that's rich coming from you.

- Honey, everything's rich coming from me.

- I am not a snob.

- Her life choices are questionable.

You're going to lift her out of where she is right now.

Please.

You were looking at her

like she was wearing one of Grace's outfits.

- What do you want me to say?

I mean, s-s-she's getting paid to show strange men her body.

- And you want her to stick to getting paid

to let strange men put babies in her body.

- This is--that is complete--

Since when...

do you make so much sense?

- Look, I understand.

You see someone living in that apartment,

and you think, "Life gave them a raw deal."

But when you let yourself see the whole picture,

really roll a mile in their wheelchair...

They can surprise you... - Hmm.

- Like, a big surprise.

Way bigger than you had expected.

So big that it's difficult to take it all in

but in a really good way.

You know what I'm saying?

- I think you're saying

I should check my assumptions about Jenny...

and that also maybe you had sex

with a well-endowed disabled person?

- Bingo and bango.

- ♪ I love you tomorrow

♪ You're only a day

♪ Away!

♪

[cheers and applause]

Jack, I did it! That was all me.

I am Annie material.

I'm never gonna come down from this high.

- There you are.

I'm Ramona Delaney.

That was for pretending to be me.

- Is the theater world always this dramatic?

- Yes.

Yes, it is.

[upbeat music]

[knocking at door]

- Hi.

- Hey.

- I judged how you use your body

while I was asking if I could use it, too.

- Okay.

- I thought I was just choosing you.

It didn't even occur to me that you have to choose me, too.

- Okay.

- I'm a middle-age gay man who's trying to have a baby

on his own, and it scares the crap out of me,

and I need someone like you who's been through this before,

'cause I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

- Okay.

- Really? Like, okay, okay?

- Well, it took a lot for you to come all the way back here

and say all of that, so, yeah.

I want to help you become a father.

- Thank you, Jenny.

Can I hug you? - Got to tip big for the hug.

- Of course. [stammers]

- Joking, joking, joking. - Joking. You're joking.

You're joking. Okay.

[laughs] What-- What does this make us now?

Friends? Family?

Co-founders of a startup? I can't--

- It makes us two people

about to do something really incredible together.

- Yeah.

Well, three if you count the cleaning lady

that starts on Monday.

That's my nonjudgmental gift to you.

- I think that's more of a gift to you.

- Fair enough.