Original subtitles

[ SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ]

Smith: THAT'S ME, NATHAN SMITH.

I AM THE MANAGER AND RESIDENT OF THE SUNSHINE HOTEL.

I'VE BEEN ON THE BOWERY FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

I LEFT MY BROOM OUT HERE.

I DON'T SEE IT.

NOW THEY TOOK THAT.

OH, GOD.

I GOT TO GO AROUND NOW AND FIND MY BROOM.

OH, MAN.

JEEZ, THESE GUYS ARE REALLY DOGS, MAN.

THIS PLACE IS KILLING ME.

OH, MAN.

I KEPT MY BROOM MY PERSONAL BROOM

I KEPT IT IN THE ROOM, YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE IT'S A NICE STRAW BROOM.

NOW I SEE IT'S GONE.

I LEFT IT OUT HERE, AND NOW IT WALKED.

THINGS GROW LEGS AROUND HERE, AND THEY DISAPPEAR.

WHAT YOU HAVE ONE DAY, YOU DON'T HAVE THE NEXT.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I CAN'T KEEP THIS. I CAN'T KEEP THAT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THIS PLACE WILL LAST.

THIS IS THE SUNSHINE HOTEL.

THIS IS COMMONLY KNOWN AS A FLOP.

THERE USED TO BE OVER 200 OF THESE HOTELS,

BUT TODAY THE DEMOGRAPHICS OF THE BOWERY HAVE CHANGED.

AS A RESULT, WE ONLY HAVE 8 OF THESE PLACES LEFT

THE SUNSHINE AMONG THEM.

BRUCE DAVIS, CUBICLE 4-L

ON THE BOWERY FOR 15 YEARS.

BRUCE IS THE HOTEL RUNNER.

HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK FOR THE HOTEL.

HE'S WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL "SELF-EMPLOYED."

HE'LL GO HERE OR THERE, PICKING UP THIS OR THAT

FOR A SMALL GRATUITY.

IN A HOTEL LIKE THIS,

YOU GET A LOT OF GUYS THAT NEVER GO OUTSIDE.

I WAS BORN IN MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE,

TO A VERY POWERFUL MILITARY MAN.

THAT'S ABOUT ALL I WANT TO SAY ABOUT HIM.

HE AND I STILL THINK THE WORLD OF EACH OTHER,

ADMIRE EACH OTHER,

BUT WE WERE JUST TOO DIFFERENT.

WE WENT OUR OWN SEPARATE WAYS A LONG TIME AGO.

THAT'S ABOUT ALL I WANT TO SAY ABOUT HIM.

I WAS WELL-RAISED.

I WAS ALWAYS WELL-PROVIDED FOR

HOUSES WITH AN ATTIC, A BASEMENT, 2 STORIES,

BIG YARDS, NICE NEIGHBORHOODS.

EVERY CHRISTMAS, I'D HAVE A PILE OF TOYS LIKE THAT.

ON ONE EXTREME, VERY SPOILED.

ON THE OTHER EXTREME, VERY DISCIPLINED.

A VERY GOOD UPBRINGING.

WE STILL THINK THE WORLD OF EACH OTHER,

BUT WE'RE JUST TOO DIFFERENT.

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY FAMILY ANYMORE.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

FOOD'S DOWNSTAIRS!

Man: FOOD'S DOWNSTAIRS!

Smith: L.A. NELSON, CUBICLE 4-A

ON THE BOWERY FOR 21 YEARS.

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ME...

THE MAN...

L.A. NELSON...

YOU GOT TO GO WAY BACK...

AND BRING IT UP.

I DID TWO TOURS IN NAM.

WELL, NUMBER ONE, I STEPPED ON A MINE IN A RICE PADDY.

IT JAMMED,

AND IT THREW ME ABOUT MAYBE 30 OR 40 FEET.

I LAID UP IN THE HOSPITAL.

IT KIND OF DID SOMETHING TO MY NERVES A LITTLE BIT.

I BECAME PARANOID AND ALL THAT...AND ALL THAT.

AND THIS IS THE ONE REASON

WHY I DON'T GO BACK INTO SHOW BUSINESS NOW,

BECAUSE I'M AT THE POINT NOW

WHERE I REALLY DON'T TRUST NOBODY.

WAIT RIGHT THERE, MAN.

WAIT RIGHT THERE FOR LEFTY.

WAIT THERE FOR LEFTY, MAN.

YEAH, WAIT RIGHT THERE FOR LEFTY.

WAIT RIGHT THERE FOR LEFTY.

MY APOLOGIES.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW HE'S A VERY GOOD

HE'S A GOOD MAN AT HEART.

AT HEART, HE'S A GOOD MAN.

Smith: LET'S PUT IT LIKE THIS

IN A MORE EXPENSIVE HOTEL OR A REAL HOTEL AS IT WERE,

NOT ONE OF THESE PLACES WHERE YOU LIVE IN CUBICLES,

BUT A REAL HOTEL WHERE YOU LIVE IN ROOMS,

YOU CAN ESSENTIALLY HAVE THE SAME KIND OF PEOPLE

IF THEY HAVE MONEY.

BUT YOU DON'T SEE THEM, YOU KNOW.

YOU DON'T COME IN CONTACT WITH THEM.

IF YOU WORK THERE AS PART OF THE PERSONNEL OF THE HOTEL ITSELF,

YOU DON'T NECESSARILY SEE THEM.

PEOPLE, THEY COME TO THE DESK,

GET THEIR KEY, GO TO THEIR ROOM,

AND THAT'S THE END OF THAT.

THEN YOU DON'T HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT THEM,

EXCEPT LIKE WHAT HAPPENED AT THE WALDORF HERE,

WAS IT LAST MONTH?

THEY FOUND THIS GUY DEAD IN THE WALDORF.

AND THE WALDORF DOESN'T LIKE THINGS LIKE THAT,

FINDING DEAD BODIES AROUND.

SO THEY TRY TO, YOU KNOW,

KEEP A LOW PROFILE ON THAT SORT OF THING.

WE USED TO HAVE DOCTORS, FORMER DOCTORS, AND LAWYERS.

I MEAN, PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE LIVED IN THIS HOTEL.

AND THEY ALL... DEPARTED FROM THEIR FAMILIES

FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER.

THEIR FAMILIES MIGHT HAVE PUT THEM OUT.

WHEN I LIVED IN THE UNION HOTEL,

WHICH IS ABOUT 6 BLOCKS DOWN THE STREET...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

A KID MOVED IN THERE

A YOUNG KID, NICE KID, VERY NICE

BUT THE THING IS HE HAPPENED TO BE ADDICTED TO GARLIC.

AND HE TOLD ME HIS SHOT OF GARLIC WAS 25 CLOVES A DAY.

HE ACTUALLY GOT HIGH ON 25 CLOVES OF GARLIC.

BUT WHEN YOU TAKE THAT MUCH GARLIC

AS DELICIOUS AS GARLIC MAKES SOME FOODS TASTE

WHEN YOU TAKE GARLIC IN THE PRODIGIOUS AMOUNTS LIKE THAT,

IT HAS A TENDENCY TO... PERMEATE THE YOUR BODY,

IN OTHER WORDS, IN YOUR PORES, ON YOUR SKIN.

AS A CONSEQUENCE, THIS GUY, HE SMELLED UP THE WHOLE FLOOR.

A HORRIBLE SMELL.

HE WAS A NICE GUY.

HE COULDN'T

HIS MOTHER AND HIS FATHER THREW HIM OUT.

HE COULDN'T STAY IN SCHOOL

AND HE COULDN'T WORK BECAUSE OF THE SMELL OF GARLIC.

VIC, ROOM L-W

CLERK AND RESIDENT ON THE BOWERY FOR 38 YEARS.

VIC IS, OR SHOULD I SAY WAS,

A SELF-TAUGHT STUDENT OF PHILOSOPHY.

BUT AS WITH SO MANY OTHERS,

THE WEIGHT OF HIS OWN THOUGHTS WERE TOO GREAT.

EVEN YEARS AFTER I WAS ON THE BOWERY,

I WASN'T REALLY A DRINKER, BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

IT GRADUALLY SET IN AND THEN ESCALATED.

AND THEN GOT TO BE KIND OF LIKE A ROCKET.

[ CHUCKLES ]

REALLY TAKE OFF.

I REMEMBER TIMES I SWORE, "MAN, I FEEL TERRIBLE.

"NO MORE OF THAT DARN DRINKING.

"FORGET ABOUT IT.

"ALCOHOL I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

"I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT IT. FORGET ABOUT IT.

"I'M NOT HAVING ANOTHER DRINK FOR A LONG, LONG, LONG TIME.

"I MEAN, ALMOST INDEFINITELY.

AT LEAST NOT FOR A HALF-HOUR, 45 MINUTES."

[ CHUCKLES ]

I SEE THE SAME PEOPLE IN THE LOBBY EVERY DAY...

BECAUSE THAT'S THE, UH, THE BEER CROWD.

IN OTHER WORDS, THEY SIT AROUND DRINKING BEER ALL DAY.

BEER, VODKA, WHATEVER, ALL DAY.

I TRY TO ENFORCE...

OR MINIMIZE THE DRINKING IN THE LOBBY,

BUT THEY DRINK NEVERTHELESS.

I MEAN, IT'S...

IN OTHER WORDS, YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL HERE

TRYING TO MAINTAIN A SENSE OF DECORUM.

THE FIRE DEPARTMENT STRESSES NO SMOKING AND SO FORTH,

EVEN THOUGH I'M SMOKING MYSELF.

I HAPPEN TO BE A CIGARETTE ADDICT.

I TELL MYSELF I'M GOING TO QUIT, YOU KNOW,

WHICH I WILL ONE OF THESE DAYS.

UNLESS THE CIGARETTES QUIT ME.

CAN I GET A PCE OF TISSUE?

25 CENTS A SLICE.

PEOPLE HAVE A TENDENCY TO TAKE THE ENTIRE ROLL

TO THEIR ROOM, DEPRIVING OTHERS OF USING THE BATHROOM.

SO NOW RATHER THAN HAVE IT ON ROLLS,

I PILE IT UP HERE,

AND THEY COME TO THE DESK AND GET IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IN FACT,

THIS WAY USES MORE THAN THE ROLLS THEMSELVES.

BUT WHEN YOU PUT THEM IN THE BATHROOM,

THE ROLLS DISAPPEAR.

SO YOU END UP PUTTING ROLLS IN THE BATHROOMS ALL DAY.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

IT'S THAT KIND OF PLACE.

BUT A PLACE LIKE THIS IS REALLY

IT HAS A PARTICULAR LEVEL OF STRESS.

THIS IS ONE OF THE STRESSES OF THIS PLACE TYRONE.

WE CALL HIM "ONE-CAN KERRY,"

BECAUSE ALL HE CAN DRINK IS ONE CAN OF BEER.

HE HAS SOME SORT OF CHEMICAL IMBALANCE,

AND SPENDS THE WHOLE DAY IN THE LOBBY RANTING.

WHAT YOU DOIN' RIGHT THERE?

WHAT IS WHAT?!

[ MUMBLING ]

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

WHAT...PRETTY MOTHERFUCKERS THINK WHAT I WANT.

I NEVER WANT THAT! NEVER WANT THAT!

NEVER WANT THAT! NEVER WANT THAT!

HOW 'BOUT YOU HEART, IS IT BEATING?

IS YOUR HEART BEATING?

HEART BEATING...

Smith: RAY, HE LEFT THE SUNSHINE IN 1992.

HE WAS ON THE BOWERY FOR 13 YEARS.

MIND-SET, MAN.

IT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU START THIS RACE,

HOW YOU START OFF RUNNING THIS RACE.

DID YOU START OFF WITH A FULL DECK,

OR DID YOU HAVE ABOUT A WHOLE SUIT MISSING SOMEWHERE

WHEN YOU STARTED?

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS,

BUT YOU DON'T FEED INTO

IF A MOTHERFUCKER STANDING HERE LIKE NAPOLEON,

DON'T SALUTE THE MOTHERFUCKER, EVEN JOKINGLY

"HEY, NAP " DON'T.

BECAUSE THIS REINFORCES HIS SHIT TO THE DEGREE,

AND THAT'S HOW YOU HAVE TO ACT WITH THEM.

I WON'T REINFORCE IT. I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT.

I WILL TELL HIM AT EVERY TURN

BECAUSE IF YOU LET HIM GO TO SLEEP,

THAT'S WHAT HE'S GONNA DO.

BECAUSE THIS IS PART OF THAT.

THIS ENVIRONMENT PUTS YOU TO SLEEP, MAN.

MOTHERFUCKER BRING FOOD.

MEALS ON WHEELS.

MEALS ON WHEELS!

FUCK IT, MAN!

NATHAN, GO GET BRUCE.

GO AHEAD.

GO OVER THERE.

THAT'S NOT HOW MEN OPERATE.

MEN ARE MOTION.

PEOPLE, WE MOVE AROUND.

I TRY TO EMBARRASS THEM, YOU KNOW, OUT OF THIS SHIT.

ANYBODY. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO IT IS.

YOU ACTING STUPID, I SAY, "YOU'RE A STUPID MOTHERFUCKER."

THEY GET MAD AND WANT TO FIGHT AND EVERYTHING.

BUT THEY DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ME. THEY WANT TO FIGHT THEMSELVES.

THEY CAN'T FIGHT THEMSELVES

'CAUSE THEY'VE GOTTEN DEFENSELESS.

[ TRUMPET PLAYS ]

I I HAVE HAD AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM MOST OF MY ADULT

NOT MOST OF MY ADULT LIFE.

I'VE BUILT IT UP MOST OF MY LIFE.

BUT THE LAST MANY YEARS, I'VE HAD AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM.

THE PROBLEM WAS THAT I JUST SIMPLY OVERDID IT.

I'M NOT ONE OF THESE GONNA WIND UP IN A GUTTER

AND SUCK ON WINE JUST BECAUSE WINE IS GOD.

I'M NOT ONE OF THEM KIND OF ALCOHOLICS.

I'VE GOT TO UNWIND,

AND I'VE ONLY GOT, LIKE, SECONDS TO DO IT.

I'M OVERDOING IT.

I DON'T WANT TO ADVERTISE BEER AS THE ONLY SOLUTION.

NO. NO.

YOU GET IN A TENSE SITUATION LIKE THAT,

THE BEST THING TO DO IS JUST ATTITUDE.

CHANGE YOUR MIND. MAKE YOURSELF RELAX.

YOU WILL ENJOY IT EVEN BETTER.

LIFE IS BETTER THAN ARTIFICIAL SUBSTANCES, PURE AND SIMPLE.

THIS ONE'S EASY AND QUICK FOR ME, SO I DRINK A LOT.

THESE ARE THE CUBICLES. THEY'RE ALL 4x6.

THEY'RE NOT CONSIDERED LEGAL ROOMS

BECAUSE THEY HAVE WIRE ON THE TOP RATHER THAN A CEILING.

THERE'S 83 OF THEM ALTOGETHER.

MY ROOM IS ACTUALLY A ROOM BECAUSE I HAVE A CEILING

RATHER THAN CHICKEN WIRE.

THIS BUILDING USED TO BE THEY SAY, BACK IN THE '20s

IT USED TO BE A PICKLE FACTORY.

THIS BUILDING IS ACTUALLY 100 YEARS OLD.

100 YEARS OLD.

THIS IS LEE, OUR FABULOUS...

I WORK HERE 5 DAYS A WEEK.

I USED TO LIVE HERE ONE TIME BACK IN, UH, IN '96.

ON MARCH 17th, YOU MET A YOUNG LADY,

A GRADUATE PHARMACIST.

SIX WEEKS LATER, YOU WERE MARRIED.

AS A RESULT OF...

Smith: TONY BELL, CUBICLE 23-A

ON THE BOWERY FOR 15 YEARS.

THE FAMILY BROKE UP. ALL OF THE FAMILY DESTROYED IT.

AFTER MOTHER DIED,

THE HOUSE JUST COMPLETELY WENT BERSERK.

EVERYBODY WENT THEIR OWN WAY.

MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS, I HAVE IN THE CITY HERE,

BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHETHER THEY ARE LIVING

OR IF THEY HAVE PASSED AWAY.

THEY GOT THEIR OWN FAMILIES.

THEY HAVE BABIES, KIDS, WHATEVER.

I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM IN OVER 20-SOME YEARS.

SO I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO GO ABOUT REACHING THEM

OR GETTING IN CONTACT WITH THEM.

SO I END UP HERE AFTER MY HEALTH WENT BAD.

I END UP HERE ON THE BOWERY, WHICH I GOT A ROOM HERE,

AND I'VE BEEN HERE FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.

I WOULD LIKE TO FIND THEM AGAIN, IF IT'S POSSIBLE,

THROUGH 1-800-SEARCH.

LIKE I SAID, LIVING HERE IS A LITTLE DIFFICULT FOR ME,

BECAUSE HERE THEY HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS HERE

DRINKING, GUYS SICK, USING NARCOTICS, AND WHATNOT.

SO I CAN NEVER CONCENTRATE.

BEING THAT I'M 65 NOW, I CAN HARDLY CONCENTRATE ON MYSELF.

I'D HATE FOR MY FAMILY EVER TO FIND OUT

THAT I'VE BEEN END UP HERE WITH MY LIFE ALL MESSED UP.

Man: THE WAY I FIGURE,

IF A PERSON HAS MORE ABILITY OR TALENT,

IN A WAY, IT WOULD SEEM LIKE

THAT IMPOSES A RESPONSIBILITY TO DO MORE FOR OTHERS.

WHEN I WAS A BIT YOUNGER

AND MORE OPTIMISTIC AND MORE CONFIDENT,

THEN I'M SURE I WOULD HAVE VENTURED MUCH MORE.

NOT TO SAY I'D HAVE BEEN RIGHT, BUT, YOU KNOW,

WHAT A PERSON BELIEVES AT THE TIME.

AND THAT'S ANOTHER REASON THAT I WAS PISSED OFF AT MYSELF.

I BECAME PRETTY FUCKING ANGRY.

VENOMOUSLY ANGRY. ENRAGED.

WHETHER AT MYSELF,

THINGS IN GENERAL, WHATEVER.

THIS IS THE ONLY HOTEL LEFT THAT HAS A DORMITORY.

KASMIR, DORM BED 214 ON THE BOWERY FOR 5 YEARS.

Kasmir: MY MOTHER AND THEM,

THEY DIDN'T REALLY APPROVE OF ME BEING LIKE THIS,

SO WHAT HAPPENED WAS I HAD LEFT HOME.

CAME TO THE CITY.

STARTED HANGING OUT WITH THE WRONG TYPE OF CROWD.

DIDN'T HAVE NOWHERE TO GO.

DIDN'T HAVE NOBODY WHO CARED.

THEN I STARTED, YOU KNOW, PICKING UP TRICKS

GUYS FOR MONEY.

EVERY NIGHT I WOULD PICK UP, LIKE, ABOUT 200 BUCKS A NIGHT.

I WOULD GO AND PAY FOR MY ROOM,

BUY MY COSMETIC, MY MAKEUP, MY CLOTHES.

THEN THE NEXT DAY,

I WOULD GET UP AND DO THE SAME THING AGAIN.

IT WAS LIKE I HAD NO LIFE, YOU KNOW?

UNTIL I FOUND GOD, YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE RIGHT NOW WITH THE PREDICAMENT THAT I'M IN

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HELL.

BUT SO FAR, I'VE BEEN LUCKY, YOU KNOW?

I'VE BEEN VERY LUCKY, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T

I NEVER HAD A DISEASE. I NEVER BEEN WITH HERPES.

I NEVER HAD SYPHILIS. I NEVER HAD AIDS.

THANK GOD. AND I'VE DID A LOT OF UNPROTECTED SEX.

A LOT OF SEX UNPROTECTED.

Smith: THE SUNSHINE IS OWNED BY THE BARRY FAMILY.

THEY DON'T TAKE MUCH OF AN ACTIVE ROLE

IN RUNNING THE HOTEL.

THEY PRETTY MUCH LEAVE THAT TO ME.

WHAT'S AL'S RENT? $51.

$56. $56.

HIS RENT'S $56.

[ Chuckling ] WHERE DID THAT FIGURE COME FROM?

$8 A DAY.

HE GOES BACK A LONG WAY.

$56, YEAH.

I STRAIGHTENED IT OUT WITH HIM A LONG TIME AGO.

STRAIGHTENED IT OUT WITH ANTON.

ANTON FINDS OUT...

NO, I MEAN, HE'S BEEN HERE. THAT WAS HIS RENT.

IN OTHER WORDS, IF A GUY HAS BEEN HERE...

LIKE RENT CONTROL?

YEAH. IN OTHER WORDS, IF HE'S BEEN HERE, I DON'T

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, NO.

NO, A NEW TENANT PAYS THE NEW RENT,

BUT THE OLD TENANTS DON'T PAY THAT.

THIS AIN'T NO HOUSING COMPLEX.

THIS IS A HOTEL.

RENTS GO UP. THEY SUPPOSED TO GO UP.

IN OTHER WORDS, I ALREADY TRIED IT.

IF A GUY'S PAYING $215,

HE AIN'T GONNA JUMP UP AND PAY NO $270.

SO THEN HE'D GO HOME.

BUT IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT.

IT WORK LIKE THAT AT EVERY OTHER HOTEL IN THE WORLD.

IT REALLY DON'T WORK HERE LIKE THAT.

IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT.

IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT WHERE?

IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT HERE.

HERE. BECAUSE YOU

NO, NO, NO.

I'M SAYING...

HE'S THE ONE THAT MAKES THE RENTS, NOT ME.

I DON'T MAKE THE RENTS. FRANK MAKES THE RENTS.

I DON'T THINK SO. YES, HE DOES.

HE READS THIS BOOK JUST LIKE ANY LANDLORD.

FRANK READS THIS BOOK.

CAN'T NOBODY READ THAT BOOK. THAT BOOK IS WRONG.

ANTON READS IT, AND FRANK READS IT.

THAT BOOK IS WRONG.

YOU WANT TO GIVE ME SOME MONEY?

THAT BOOK IS WRONG.

Man: SOMETHING HAPPENED...

YEAH. ALL THAT'S GOOD.

MY JOB RESPONSIBILITIES START WITH ONE IDEA FOR SURE.

I AM HANDLING OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY.

YOU DO NOT MAKE A MISTAKE.

YOU HAVE TO FIGHT LIKE HELL TO KEEP FROM MAKING A MISTAKE.

MAINLY, YOU HAVE TO DEFEND THEIR MONEY

BETTER THAN YOU WOULD DEFEND YOUR OWN MONEY.

YOU CAN'T MISS A DETAIL.

OKAY, YOU MISS A DETAIL, YOU'VE LOST A CUSTOMER.

WHEN I GO ACROSS TRAFFIC

PEDESTRIAN TRAFFIC I'LL EXPLAIN LATER,

BUT YOU'LL BE SAFE THERE

WHEN I GO ACROSS AUTOMOBILE TRAFFIC,

I AM VERY SAFE, AND I'M OUTRIGHT POLITE.

BUT I PUSH MY WAY THROUGH. I PUSH MY WAY THROUGH.

I LITERALLY LITERALLY CONTROL THE TRAFFIC AS I GO THROUGH.

MY MAIN SIGNAL I GIVE THEM AS I GO THROUGH TRAFFIC

IF I'M GOING FAST ENOUGH, YOU DON'T GOT TO WORRY ABOUT ME.

YOU GUYS AREN'T USED TO THAT,

AND YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BE CARRYING THAT EQUIPMENT.

DO NOT CROSS A STREET UNLESS I TELL YOU TO.

I'M YOUR TRAFFIC DIRECTOR WHEN WE GET TO THE STREET.

YOU GUYS WILL BE IN DANGER.

I'M A SMALL MAN 5'9."

I'VE GOT SHORT LEGS, BUT I LEARNED MANY YEARS AGO

STRETCH MY STEPS.

YOU OUGHT TO SEE ME MOVE WHEN I MOVE.

I'M PUMPING MY LEGS ANY WAY.

I WALK FASTER THAN MOST PEOPLE RUN.

BRUCE?

YEAH.

I NEED A BOX A CAMEL BOX

AND TWO REGULAR, NO SUGAR.

THE ONLY THING YOU GOT TO WORRY ABOUT HERE IS SPEED.

YOU GOT TO CROSS ONE STREET.

WHEN I GET THERE AND TELL YOU TO STAY, STAY.

STEPS SLIPPERY.

STEPS SLIPPERY.

WATCH EVERY SINGLE ONE AS YOU GO.

OKAY.

YOU GOT A CUSTOMER WAITING.

WE GOT A STRAIGHTAWAY. WE ONLY GOT TO CROSS ONE STREET.

STRETCH YOUR LEGS OUT.

YOU'RE RIGHT ALONGSIDE ME. YOU AIN'T DOING BAD.

ONE, A CUST

ONE, A CUSTOMER IS VERY PLEASED BY SPEED.

AND, TWO, YOU GET TO SPEND MORE TIME IN THE LOBBY

AND DRAW MORE RUNS.

VERY ATHLETIC WORK

AND YOU CAN WALK FASTER THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN RUN.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

OKAY.

IF YOU CAN SAVE A STEP, DO. THEY ADD UP.

OVER YEARS AND YEARS, THEY ADD UP.

NOW LET'S MOVE.

THIS THIS IS ILLEGAL,

BUT THESE OFFICERS IN THIS AREA KNOW ME,

SO THEY DON'T REALLY BOTHER ME TOO MUCH.

"WALK" SIGNAL. JOG A LITTLE BIT.

"WALK" SIGNAL. JOG A LITTLE BIT.

OKAY, YOU GOT IT?

WE GOT TO GET ACROSS THIS STREET.

YOU OUGHT TO SEE THE LONG ONES IN THREE DIRECTIONS.

THEY GET FUNNY. OKAY.

SEE THAT WHITE SIGN UP THERE?

WE JUST GOT TO GO ONE DOOR PAST THERE.

GETTING WINDED, RIGHT?

YOU GOT TO BE WILLING TO DO THIS 15 HOURS A DAY

IF YOU WANT TO WORK FOR YOURSELF.

ALWAYS COURTEOUS.

ANY TRAFFIC PEDESTRIAN OR AUTOMOBILES.

IT'S NOT HOW FAST YOU GO OR HOW SLOW YOU GO,

IT'S TEAMWORK.

COORDINATION THAT'S HOW YOU OPEN UP YOUR FAST LANE.

AND YOU DAMN STRAIGHT, YOU OWE IT TO THEM.

BUT ONCE YOU GOT THEIR COURTESY SIGNAL, YOU MOVE.

[ MUMBLES ]

SHORT, SIMPLE RUN.

YOU WON'T REALLY GET THE FULL TASTE,

BUT YOU'RE STARTING TO GET THE IDEA.

OKAY.

TWO CAMEL LIGHTS IN A BOX AND ONE COFFEE.

THEY'RE FILMING A DOCUMENTARY.

TWO CAMEL LIGHTS IN A BOX AND ONE COFFEE.

REGULAR, NO SUGAR.

TWO CAMEL LIGHTS IN A BOX?

YEAH. REGULAR, NO SUGAR.

BEST I CAN REMEMBER. TWO CAMELS AND ONE COFFEE.

TWO CAMELS, RIGHT, YOU'RE SURE?

YEAH, YEAH.

$7.30.

YEAH.

YOU ONLY GAVE ME 5 BUCKS.

THAT'S I KNEW I FORGOT ONE OF THEM.

ONE CAMEL, ONE COFFEE. HE ONLY GAVE ME $5.

I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON THIS THING RIGHT NOW.

ONE CAMEL, ONE COFFEE.

$3.90.

ALL RIGHT. DO I USUALLY MAKE MISTAKES LIKE THAT?

YEAH.

NO, I DON'T. NO, I DON'T.

ALL RIGHT.

WE WORK TOGETHER, AND WE GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

IT'S VERY PERSONAL BUSINESS. VERY PERSONAL BUSINESS.

WE CAN MAKE A LOT OF FRIENDS THIS WAY.

THIS MAN IS A GOOD MAN.

YOU GUYS READY? WE'RE READY TO GO BACK.

MADE ONE MISTAKE.

I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON HANDLING YOU GUYS.

I FORGOT WHICH ONE HE WANTED TWO, WHICH ONE HE WANTED ONE.

WE HAVE GOT TO WATCH WHERE WE'RE STEPPING.

YOU DO A LOT OF WALKING BACKWARDS.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON, COME ON.

STRETCH YOUR LEGS. STRETCH YOUR STEPS.

I'M GONNA STOP YOU FOR ONE SECOND WHEN WE GET UP HERE.

I'VE GOT A BEAUTY OF A NEW YORK THING GOING ON HERE.

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN.

YOU GOT TO STOP AND REMEMBER TO SMELL THE ROSES.

LOOK AT THIS DAMN GARDEN THEY'VE GOT HERE.

EVERY SINGLE PLANT IS DIFFERENT,

AND THEY ARE EMBATTLED BY THE NEW LAWS.

THE NEW LAWS ARE TRYING TO TAKE THIS AWAY FROM THEM

WITHOUT THEM HAVING ANY SAY-SO.

LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE DOING FOR NEW YORK.

AIN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL?

EVERY SINGLE PLANT IS DIFFERENT.

I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND SOMEBODY WHO WORKS HERE.

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PCE OF NEW YORK.

I PASS THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY,

MANY TIMES A DAY MANY TIMES.

LOOK AT THAT TRAFFIC AND THAT POLLUTION OUT THERE.

I'LL COME BACK HERE TO THIS FENCE AND JUST BREATHE AIR.

THIS IS A JUNGLE. EXCUSE ME, DO YOU WORK HERE?

YES. I'M SORRY. WE'LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

OH, I HEARD YOU GUYS I GOT ON

SORRY. I'M SORRY. YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.

I HEARD YOU GUYS WERE EMBATTLED LEGALLY.

I WAS TRYING TO HELP OUT.

PLEASE LEAVE.

YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE ANY LEGAL PROBLEMS?

NO, WE HAVE NONE.

THEY HAD A POSTER UP DOWN HERE JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO.

THAT'S NOT US.

OKAY, OKAY.

I WAS TELLING THEM HOW WONDERFUL I LOVE YOUR GARDEN.

I ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF THAT GARDEN.

LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

WASN'T THAT A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN?

EVERY SINGLE PLANT IS DIFFERENT.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE THAT SENSITIVE.

I THOUGHT THEY WERE IN LEGAL TROUBLE.

ADVERTISING THIS IS WHERE I ADVERTISE AT.

EVERYBODY I SIT HERE

SO THEY CAN SEE ME FROM UP THERE.

IT LETS THEM KNOW I'M AVAILABLE,

IT BRINGS IDEAS TO THEIR MIND.

MAYBE THEY COULD USE A RUN. AND THAT'S IT.

WAITING FOR THE NEXT RUN.

Smith: WELCOME TO MY HOVEL.

I'VE HAD THIS ROOM SINCE THE OLD MANAGER, OLLIE,

PUT A PILLOW OVER HIS HEAD AND BLEW HIS BRAINS OUT

IN THE VERY BED THAT I SLEEP IN TO THIS DAY.

I DID, HOWEVER, CHANGE THE MATTRESS.

THIS ROOM COULD BE VERY LOVELY JUST AS A

YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH, A FURNITURE.

BECAUSE WHEN I FIRST MOVED IN HERE, IT WAS NICE.

YOU KNOW, THE DRESSER WAS EMPTY.

THERE WAS NOTHING ON THE DRESSER.

I GOT A CHAIR HERE.

BUT IT WASN'T MADE FOR LIVING.

I MEAN, IN TERMS OF, YOU KNOW,

DOING SOMETHING OTHER THAN SLEEPING.

AND WITHOUT BOOKS...

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

YEAH, YOU KNOW, BOOKS AND SHIT LIKE THAT...

ARTIFACTS.

[ PLAYS NOTE ]

ARTIFACTS MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

[ PLAYS MID-TEMPO TUNE ]

IN THE EARLY '60s, I WAS A LOUNGE PIANO PLAYER.

I HAD A MANAGER PETER LEEDS.

PETER GOT ME WORK ALL OVER TOWN.

IN FACT, THE LAST JOB I HAD WAS AT THE PLAYBOY CLUB.

BETWEEN GIGS, I WAS DRIVING A CAB

éLOW CAB.

AND ONE NIGHT, I WENT UP TO JILLY'S

TO LOOK FOR SOME BUSINESS.

AND I SEE SOME PEOPLE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS,

SO I PULLED RIGHT UP.

I FIGURED THEY WANTED A CAB.

THEY OPENED THE DOOR AND GOT IN AND SO FORTH.

AND I WAS PULLING OFF,

AND I LOOKED UP THROUGH THE REARVIEW MIRROR,

AND I SAW CRAIG TENNIS.

HE WAS IN THE BACKSEAT WITH JOHNNY CARSON.

IT WAS JOHNNY CARSON, ED McMAHON, AND CRAIG TENNIS.

THEY ALL CAME OUT OF JILLY'S TOGETHER, YOU KNOW?

JOHNNY LIVED IN THE UNITED NATIONS PLAZA

AT THE TIME, YOU KNOW

I MEAN, UNITED NATIONS APARTMENTS.

SO, UH, ED McMAHON SAID,

"LOOK...I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE BUILDING.

"RIDE THROUGH THE PARK A FEW TIMES.

LET JOHNNY TRY TO GET HIMSELF TOGETHER."

HE WAS WASTED, YOU KNOW.

JOHNNY, LIKE, DID LIKE THIS,

LAID DOWN ACROSS THE BACKSEAT, YOU KNOW?

JOHNNY LAID DOWN, YOU KNOW, ACROSS THE BACKSEAT,

AND ED McMAHON WAS IN THE FRONT SEAT.

[ LAUGHS ]

SO WE'RE DRIVING ALONG,

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN JOHNNY WAKES UP.

AND APPARENTLY HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW,

AND HE SEES THE TREES FLYING BY.

HE SAYS TO ED McMAHON,

"YO, ED! THIS NIGGER'S TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!"

[ Laughing ] THAT WAS FUNNY AS HELL.

I BROKE IT DIDN'T OFFEND ME AT ALL.

IT DIDN'T OFFEND ME. I MEAN, I BROKE UP.

ED McMAHON, HE TRIED TO APOLOGIZE, YOU KNOW, FOR JOHNNY.

I SAID, "THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ED. I'M NOT OFFENDED.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY."

IT REALLY WAS. HE REALLY WAS.

HE SWORE THAT I WAS KIDNAPPING HIM

BECAUSE ALL HE COULD SEE WAS THE TREES OUTSIDE THE CAB.

THIS IS NEW YORK CITY,

THE WAY IT WAS WHEN THE BOWERY WAS THE BOWERY

THE WAY PEOPLE LIKE TO REMEMBER IT.

YOU ARE HERE. [ BELL DINGS ]

AT ONE TIME, THE BOWERY WAS AS HIGHBROW AS FIFTH AVENUE,

BUT AFTER THEY PUT UP THE ELEVATED-TRAIN LINE,

THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE STOPPED COMING.

IT BECAME A HAVEN OF SIN.

UNDER THE DARKNESS OF THE EL,

GIN MILLS AND FLOPHOUSES FLOURISHED.

THE BOWERY BECAME SYNONYMOUS

WITH DRUNKS SLEEPING IN DOORWAYS,

CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT, AND ACCOMMODATIONS.

THEY SAY THAT 25,000 MEN SLEPT ON THE BOWERY EACH NIGHT.

AS A KID, I USED TO COME DOWN HERE WHEN I WOULD PLAY HOOKY,

STEAL CANDY ON PITT STREET,

AND HANG OUT IN THE PARK AROUND THE CORNER FROM THE EL.

BUT GONE ARE THOSE DAYS.

THE LAST FEW GIN MILLS CLOSED UP OVER A DECADE AGO.

THE CABARETS ARE A THING OF THE PAST.

THEY TORE THE EL DOWN DECADES AGO.

WHAT WAS LEFT ONCE THE LIGHT HIT THE BOWERY AGAIN

WAS A SCARRED STREET IN THE DEATH THROES OF TIME.

SEE, I ONLY BEEN IN THREE HOTELS SINCE I BEEN DOWN HERE.

THAT'S WHEN THIS PLACE WAS, LIKE, ON THE DOWNFALL

OF WHAT IT WAS.

THIS HAS...BEEN MY BASE OFF AND ON,

I WOULD SAY, FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS.

RIGHT HERE.

THE BOWERY WAS LIKE MOST PEOPLE THOUGHT OF IT, YOU KNOW?

PEOPLE DRUNK, SLEEPING ON THE SIDEWALKS AND SO ON.

THROUGH THE YEARS IT CHANGED VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH.

BEEN CHANGING CONTINUOUSLY. BEEN UPGRADING.

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST CHANGE?

MAYBE MOST OF THE ALCOHOLICS DIED OFF OR REFORMED...

[ LAUGHS ] A FEW OF THEM.

WENT ELSEWHERE. WHO KNOWS?

Smith: THIS STREET

IN FRANCE, THIS IS KNOWN AS "THE STREET OF LIGHTS"

BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIGHT STORES THEY HAVE HERE, YOU KNOW.

THEY HAVE THESE EXPENSIVE LIGHT STORES

THEY PUT UP CHANDELIERS, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.

SO, IN FRANCE, WITH THE FRANCE TOURIST BUREAU

I SAW ONE OF THE ADS.

BOWERY IS KNOWN AS THE STREET OF LIGHTS.

THEY USE IT AS A COMMERCIAL EXPEDIENCY.

IT SOUNDS BETTER TO CALL IT "THE STREET OF LIGHTS"

RATHER THAN "THE HOME OF THE FLOPS," YOU KNOW.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THE KIND OF MEN THAT WERE DRAWN TO THE BOWERY,

AS I SAW IT,

AND DURING THE TIME THAT I CAME MYSELF

WERE PREDOMINANTLY ALCOHOLICS, YOU KNOW,

AND PEOPLE WITH MEDICAL PROBLEMS AND THINGS LIKE THAT,

OR SOCIAL MISFITS.

I FIRST CAME TO THE BOWERY BECAUSE I LOST MY APARTMENT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S SIMPLE AS THAT.

THE LANDLORD CAME IN WITH A DISPOSSESS

AND THREW ME OUT, YOU KNOW, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

YEAH, YOU GO WITH THE FLOW, YOU KNOW?

HEY, YOU'RE ON THE BOWERY, SO YOU'RE ON THE BOWERY.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

SO I MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

[ SIREN WAILS ]

IF I HAD MY DRUTHERS, I'D DRUTHER NOT BE HERE.

[ LAUGHS ] I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

THE WHOLE AREA CHANGED FROM 10 YEARS AGO.

IT'S TOTALLY CHANGED, YOU KNOW?

WHAT WAS IT LIKE 10 YEARS AGO?

RAMPANT DRUGS.

RAMPANT.

I MEAN, YOU COULD SIT OUT HERE IN THE PARK

ON THE BENCH OVER HERE AND WATCH THE SHOW.

I USED TO DO IT GET A CUP OF COFFEE,

AND A COUPLE OF DANISH, AND WATCH THE SHOW.

THAT'S WHAT THE BOWERY IS.

IT'S NOT BEING DOWN HERE ON THIS STREET

WITH NO MONEY, WITH NOWHERE TO STAY.

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN THAT SITUATION ALL THEIR LIVES,

AND THEY'LL DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO.

BUT THE BOWERY IS A MENTALITY.

"I'M SO SICK OF IT. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME."

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU WALK PAST BAG PEOPLE

AND THAT STENCH COMES OUT?

THAT'S PURPOSEFUL.

I MEAN, IT'S A PROBLEM OF NOT BATHING,

BUT THEY DON'T WANT YOU NEAR THEM.

THEY WANTED TO TURN YOU OFF.

"GET AWAY FROM ME. I'M SO AFRAID.

I'M SO DISGUSTED," OR WHATEVER

"GET AWAY FROM ME."

THE ONLY VICE I HAVE IS I DO TAKE A DRINK.

'CAUSE THE PEOPLE HERE SOME OF THE GUYS,

THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM AND THEY JUST TAKE A PISS

IN THE FACE BASIN WHERE YOU WASH YOUR FACE.

SO, USUALLY I KEEP CLOROX HERE.

SO, WHEN I GOTTA GO UP AND WASH UP,

MY FACE JUST SAY THE FACE

I GOTTA POUR CLOROX AND WASH THAT FACE BASIN

WHERE YOU WASH YOUR FACE,

'CAUSE THEY PISS IN THERE SOMETIMES.

I DO OCCASIONALLY TAKE A DRINK LIKE I TOLD YOU,

JUST BECAUSE THAT THEY PISS IN THERE,

AND THEN THEY [IMITATES SPITTING]

ON THE FLOOR DOWN THE HALL.

THEM THE VICES.

THE ONLY ONE I GOT IS BOOZE.

I DO DRINK A LITTLE BIT HERE, 'CAUSE SOMETIMES THEY FIGHTING

AND "AW, BLAH, BLAH. AW, BLAH, BLAH"

GOING CRAZY, ARGUING AND WHATNOT.

THAT KIND OF GETS ON YOUR NERVES,

ESPECIALLY AN OLDER PERSON LIKE ME.

IT GETS ON MY NERVES. IT HURTS SOMETIMES.

[ MEN SHOUTING ]

HOLD IT, GENTLEMEN! GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN!

GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN!

GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN.

GENTLEMEN. YO, GENTLEMEN.

GENTLEMEN. GENTLEMEN.

GENTLEMEN! GENTLEMEN!

PLEASE. MY HEART.

LET'S GO!

Man: THEY'RE ALL VIETNAMESE, YOU KNOW.

THE CONGS.

THEY BE TALKING THROUGH THESE SPEAKERS.

THEY QUESTION, "WHY ARE YOU HERE FOR?"

I MEAN, "WHEN YOU GET BACK TO THE UNITED STATES,

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO FOR YOU?"

THEY SAY, "YOU STILL A SLAVE.

"WHEN YOU GO BACK, YOU'RE GONNA BE A SLAVE.

"NOW, WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOU GO HOME?

"STILL GONNA CALL YOU 'NIGGER.'

"YOU NOT GONNA GET NO JOB.

YOUR FELLOW YANKEES"

I MEAN, "THEY DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF YOU COMING OVER HERE.

"WHEN YOU GO HOME, YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET NO TICKER-TAPE PARADE.

"THEY'RE GONNA THROW THINGS AT YOU...

"'CAUSE YOU'RE HERE.

MEANINGLESS. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

IT TURNED OUT THAT IT WAS RIGHT.

HERE IN THIS ROOM JUST LAY HERE,

AND JUST NOBODY TO TALK TO.

NOBODY I CAN GO SEE OR VISIT. THERE'S NOTHING.

JUST PLAIN REST IN HERE.

I WISH IT COULD BE A LITTLE BIT MORE BETTER.

MAYBE MY HEALTH WILL COME UP A LITTLE MORE, CONTINUE.

BUT HERE, WORRYING EVERY DAY IS NOT GONNA HELP.

YOU GO THROUGH, LIKE I SAID, THE SAME PROCEDURE EVERY DAY

OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

I DOUBT IF ANYBODY OUT THIS DOOR

OUT OF 3 MONTHS, 10 TIMES.

NOBODY COME IN OR OUT OF HERE FOR THREE MONTHS

10 TIMES OUT OF A MONTH.

I GUESS YOU CAN CALL ME A LONER,

BUT THIS IS IT DOWN IN THIS AREA.

I MEAN, YOU GET TOO FRIENDLY, YOU GET IN TROUBLE...

DOWN HERE.

PEOPLE HERE, THEY DON'T RECOGNIZE BEING NICE.

THEY LIKE TO MORE "AH, OH" FIGHT.

FIGHT FOR WHATEVER THEY FIGHTING FOR.

BUT LIKE I SAID,

THAT'S SOMETHING I USUALLY SAY ABOUT MYSELF.

I DON'T GO OUT WITH TOO MANY GIRLS.

NO GIRLS PERIOD SINCE MY WIFE.

SO IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD ANY SEX.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AND I'M AFRAID OF THAT NOW, TOO,

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE AIDS AT,

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'S AIDS OR THE CANCER

THE PROSTRATE CANCER, WHATEVER

ALL THESE DISEASES FLOATING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN GET,

SO I DON'T WOMEN, I DON'T CHASE ANYMORE.

I'M A LITTLE TOO OLD ANYWAY, BUT LIKE I SAID,

I DON'T DO MUCH MORE OF THAT CHASING NOW.

WERE YOU EVER MARRIED?

UNH-UNH. I'M TOO AU NATUREL FOR THAT.

I COULDN'T HAVE AFFORDED IT.

NEVER MADE ENOUGH MONEY FOR IT, FOR ONE THING.

AND I HAVE...PSYCHOLOGICAL BLOCKS OR SOMETHING.

FOOLED AROUND A LITTLE.

GOT PICKPOCKETED BY A HOOKER...

OR A COUPLE.

THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR ME.

SOME OF THE HOOKERS WERE NICE, THOUGH.

BUT FOR REGULAR GALS?

I PROBABLY DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH CONFIDENCE AND SO ON.

I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH SELF-ESTEEM,

THINK ENOUGH OF MYSELF, YOU KNOW.

"I'M NOT ELIGIBLE FOR THAT," OR SOMETHING.

WHO KNOWS?

BUT IT DOES TEND TO BE KIND OF HOLLOW.

LOOK BACK ON IT...

[ CHUCKLES ]

NOT TOO COOL.

YEAH, WELL, LET ME JUST TELL YOU POINT-BLANK,

I'M NOT A ROMANTICIST, YOU KNOW.

I'M REALLY NOT.

THE FIRST TIME I MET MY OLD LADY GENEVIEVE...

[ CHUCKLES ]

I MET HER I MET HER THROUGH HER SISTER.

BEA WALKED UP, THAT'S ALL, YOU KNOW.

I JUST STARTED TALKING TO HER, YOU KNOW.

AND THAT WAS BASICALLY IT.

I MEAN, NONE OF THIS ICKY-POO GLAMOURINO.

OH, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO.

THERE WASN'T NONE OF THAT, MAN. AH, SHIT.

HELL, NO.

NO, MAN, WASN'T LIKE A TV PLOT, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

NEXT THING I KNOW, WE'RE AT A CIVIL-SERVICE CEREMONY,

AND THAT WAS IT.

NO WEDDING. WE DIDN'T HAVE NO WEDDING.

WHAT, ARE YOU MAD?

A WEDDING?

I NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING.

I MEAN, AFTER YOU HAVE TWO CHILDREN,

ONE 44 AND ONE 34,

YOU HAVE A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON YOUR LIFE,

YOU KNOW, AND WHATEVER MIGHT'VE GONE DOWN.

BUT AS FAR AS THAT...

SHIT LIKE YOU SEE ON A TV SCREEN?

NO, NO.

NO.

AIN'T LIKE THAT.

I MEAN, NATHAN AIN'T HAD NO PUSSY IN 20 YEARS, MAN.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN, TO ME?

NOW, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THEM SCIENTIFIC FORMULAS

HE GOT IN HIS HEAD.

HE AIN'T HAD NO SE NOT EVEN SEX.

HE HAS NOT EVEN HAD A REL

NOT EVEN A WOMAN, YOU KNOW, AROU NOT EVEN NEAR.

THERE ARE NO WOMEN.

HE'S NEVER MAN'S A MANAGER.

YOU THINK HE'D SNEAK A WOMAN.

[ Speaking slowly ] "NO. NO. NOT NEVER.

NO. THAT BITCH. I KNOW BIT"

[ Normal voice ] MAN, COME ON, MAN.

YOU'RE FUCKING MENTALLY ILL, MAN,

WHEN YOU SUPPRESS THE NATURAL URGES OF THE HUMAN BEING.

YOU'RE FUCKING MENTALLY ILL.

I'LL BUY SOME PUSSY, MAN.

I'LL HAVE A BITCH COME RIGHT HERE AND SUCK MY DICK, MAN.

THE FUCK I MEAN, SO WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

SOMETHING.

I MEAN NOTHING.

NO FEMALE CONTACT IN 20 FUCKING YEARS.

BUT HE'S OKAY, THOUGH.

HE'S MY MAN.

YOU GOT A DISCONCERTING PROBLEM HERE

THAT MY MAIN CLERK VICTOR HE'S LEAVING.

HE'S BEEN HERE 19 VICTOR'S BEEN HERE 19 YEARS.

19 YEARS AND HIS HEALTH IS, YOU KNOW,

NOT THE WAY HE'D LIKE IT'S LIKE MY OWN.

AND HE FIGURES IT'S TIME TO MAKE A MOVE.

I MEAN, AFTER 19 YEARS IN THE SAME PLACE,

I MEAN, HE FIGURES THAT HE HAS TO, YOU KNOW,

TRY HIS HAND, MORE OR LESS.

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHETHER HE'LL BE SUCCESSFUL OR NOT,

BUT NEVERTHELESS, HE'S GONNA LEAVE.

HECK, EVERYBODY HAS TO MOVE ON.

I'M HOPING I'LL MOVE ON MYSELF ONE OF THESE DAYS.

I MEAN, I'VE PUT IN 12 YEARS HERE, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

VIC PUT IN 19.

I'M OF THE SAME OPINION AS HIMSELF

I'VE HAD ABOUT MY FILL OF THIS, YOU KNOW,

BECAUSE THE STRESS, I MEAN, I'M A WALKING, UH...

I'M A WALKING CORPSE.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO LAY DOWN, YOU KNOW?

YEAH, I'M LEAVING.

BEEN A LONG TIME HERE.

I FEEL LIKE A BIG WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF OF ME.

I COULD SUBCONTRACT MY LITTLE SHIFT TOMORROW,

BUT I FIGURE I'LL STILL BE HERE A FEW DAYS MORE,

SO WHY NOT PUT IT IN?

IT'S YOUR LAST SHIFT.

YEP. REMARKABLE.

I HONESTLY HAD SERIOUS DOUBTS.

BUT, YOU KNOW, I REALLY HAD DOUBTS THAT I'D EVER GET AWAY.

NOW, MAYBE LATER ON I'LL REGRET IT.

"JEEZ," YOU KNOW. "WOW.

"I'M MISSING ALL KIND OF MONEY.

CHRIST, HOW AM I GONNA MAKE IT?"

I FIGURE, "COME ON.

"ANY MAN SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST SOME NERVE.

TAKE A BIT OF A CHANCE. COME ON."

IT'S LIKE THEY SAY, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WHAT WAS IT THAT MADE YOU DECIDE

THAT YOU WANT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?

I STOPPED USING.

PERIOD.

I STOPPED USING.

THE ONLY REASON I'M DOWN HERE.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I COMING DOWN HERE FOR?

THERE'S DRUGS DOWN HERE.

1979, 1980 EVERY BODEGA SOLD COCAINE,

HEROIN, MAREANA EVERYTHING.

THAT'S WHY THE FUCK I'M HERE.

SO WHEN I STOPPED USING,

IN MY MIND THERE'S NO REASON FOR ME TO BE HERE.

THIS IS THE FIRST ASTEROID HIT WHICH I GOT IN MY DOOR,

WHICH IS VERY UNUSUAL

BECAUSE OF THE ANGLE THAT THE ROCK HIT THE DOOR.

IT CAME THROUGH THE WINDOW, AND

I WAS SITTING, I HEARD THIS TREMENDOUS BANG,

AND I LOOKED UP AND THERE WAS A ROCK IN MY DOOR.

I NEVER TOOK IT OUT, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE IT HAPPENED DURING THE TIME

THAT THEY DISCOVERED THIS ASTEROID,

YOU KNOW, THAT'S HEADING THIS WAY.

SO I CALL THIS THE FIRST ASTEROID HIT,

RIGHT HERE ON MY DOOR.

I'M GONNA LEAVE IT THERE FOR A SOUVENIR, YOU KNOW.

IT'S CUTE, YOU KNOW. IT'S VERY PICTURESQUE.

SOME OF THE GUYS GET CARRIED AWAY.

YOU HAVE TO FIGHT WITH SOME OF THEM,

'CAUSE SOME OF THEM GET VERY IGNORANT.

I PLAN ON MOVING.

I WANT TO MOVE SOON, BECAUSE I'M GETTING TIRED OF LIVING HERE.

YOU KNOW?

BUT WITH MY LOW INCOME, I CAN'T MOVE NOWHERE ELSE

BECAUSE HOUSING'S VERY EXPENSIVE.

SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS RICH, YOU KNOW?

SOMETIMES I WONDER, YOU KNOW,

I SAID, "IS I'M EVER GONNA STILL BE LIKE THIS ALL MY LIFE?"

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETIMES I WANT KIDS, BUT I KNOW I CAN'T HAVE NONE.

BUT WHEN I SEE A LITTLE KID I LOVE KIDS.

BY ME SEEING THEM IT HURTS ME,

BECAUSE I WANTED KIDS SO BAD, BUT I CAN'T HAVE NONE.

I WISH I COULD HAVE SOME, YOU KNOW.

I WISH I COULD.

Smith: I WENT IN THE ARMY IN SEPTEMBER, 1954.

I LIKED IT. I REALLY DID.

I WENT ON K.P. ON CHRISTMAS DAY, AND NOBODY SHOWED UP.

WE GAVE ALL THE FOOD AWAY, YOU KNOW, IN AUGUSTA.

AND THEN I WENT ON LEAVE.

SO, UH, DURING THE COURSE OF THE DAY,

I DIDN'T REALLY EAT.

AND WHEN I GOT TO THE TRAIN STATION,

I FOUND OUT THE TRAIN WOULDN'T LEAVE UNTIL MIDNIGHT THAT NIGHT,

SO I SAYS

THEY DIDN'T HAVE RESTAURANTS IN THE TRAIN STATION,

SO I WENT TO THE BUS STATION, YOU KNOW,

TO GET ME A MY STANDARD FAVORITE,

A SLICE OF PINEAPPLE CHEESE PIE, COFFEE, AND A HAMBURGER.

THAT'S THE PERFECT AMERICAN MEAL.

AND SO I WENT AND SAT DOWN AT THE COUNTER,

AND THE LADY SAYS, "I'M SORRY, SIR, YOU CAN'T SIT THERE."

SO I THOUGHT SHE MEANT THAT THE SEAT WAS BUSTED,

SO I WENT AND MOVED OVER TO THE NEXT STOOL.

SHE SAYS, "YOU CAN'T SIT THERE EITHER."

SO I SAYS, "WELL, WHERE CAN I SIT?"

SHE POINTED TO THIS DOOR ON THE RIGHT,

AND SHE SAYS, "THROUGH THERE."

HEY, I'M FROM BROOKLYN. I WENT FOR IT.

I WENT AND CHECKED THE DOOR.

AND WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR AND WENT THROUGH IT,

I FOUND MYSELF IN THE YARD.

IN A FUCKING YARD WITH DIRT ON THE ON THE

ON THE GROUND.

I FLEW BACK IN THE RESTAURANT,

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR,

AND I TOLD EVERYBODY, "HOLD UP," YOU KNOW?

AND I WENT THROUGH MY LITTLE SPEECH.

I SAID, "YOU MEAN I CAN GO IN THE ARMY

"AND GET SHOT UP, KILLED UP, AND THE WHOLE THING,

"AND YOU MEAN I CAN'T GET A CHEESEBURGER IN A RESTAURANT?

BUT YET I CAN ACTUALLY GET KILLED FOR YOU?"

AND THE WAITRESS SAYS, "I'LL CALL THE MANAGER."

I SAID, "CALL YOUR MAMA."

AND, UH... SHE CALLED THE MANAGER.

THE MANAGER MUST'VE CALLED THE COPS.

THEY ESCORTED ME TO THE TRAIN STATION

AND STAYED WITH ME UNTIL THE TRAIN CAME IN.

AND THE TRAIN CAME IN AT MIDNIGHT.

SO, SINCE WE WERE BELOW THE MASON-DIXON LINE,

YOU HAD TO RIDE IN THE NIGGER CAR, YOU KNOW.

AND SO I WENT TO THE NIGGER CAR,

AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE OTHER NIGGER THERE BESIDES MYSELF.

JUST THE TWO OF US.

HE SAT UP FRONT LIKE THAT,

AND I WAS SITTING ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK THE LAST SEAT.

AND...TRAIN STARTED OFF, 1:30, 2:00

MUST'VE BEEN AROUND THAT TIME.

1:30, 2:00 IN THE MORNING, THE TRAIN

OR RATHER, THE CONDUCTOR CAME THROUGH TO PUNCH THE TICKETS.

AND HE WENT THROUGH THAT GUY UP FRONT FIRST.

AND I'M LOOKING AT HIM.

AND I SAW ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SEE THE GUY'S HOLDING UP A

YOU KNOW, IT LOOKED LIKE A TICKET.

IT LOOKED LIKE A TICKET TO ME, YOU KNOW?

AND THE GUY WAS PROTESTING, YOU KNOW.

WHATEVER I COULDN'T HEAR WHAT THEY WERE SAYING.

THE GUY WAS PROTESTING.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE CONDUCTOR REACHED UP,

PULLED THE EMERGENCY CORD.

THE TRAIN STOPPED.

SNATCHED THIS NIGGER IN HIS COLLAR,

DRAGGED HIM OVER TO THE DOOR OF THE TRAIN,

OPENED UP THE DOOR OF THE TRAIN,

AND KICKED HIM IN HIS ASS OUT THE TRAIN.

AND WE I DIDN'T REALIZE IT UNTIL MY MAN HOLLERED,

BECAUSE IT WAS DARK OUTSIDE.

I COULDN'T SEE SHIT.

WE WERE ON AN EMBANKMENT IT MIGHT'VE BEEN A BRIDGE,

YOU KNOW, OR WHATEVER...

OR A RIVER BELOW THAT, BECAUSE I HEARD THAT GUY, "AAH!"

WHILE HE WAS GOING DOWN THE EMBANKMENT.

I SAID, "HOLY SHIT."

AND THE CONDUCTOR STARTED WALKING TO ME.

BUT THE CONDUCTOR CAME DOWN THERE AND SAID,

"GOOD EVENING, SIR. MAY I HAVE YOUR TICKET, PLEASE?"

TOOK MY TICKET, PUNCHED MY TICKET,

AND WENT ON JUST LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL.

IN OTHER WORDS, I DIDN'T EVEN EXIST AS A WITNESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I'M WATCHING THIS WHOLE SCENE. I DID NOT EXIST.

HE WAS SO...NONCHALANT.

THE SHERIFF WAS TELLING THE CONDUCTOR,

"GET ME A NIGGER.

"THIS NIGGER HERE COME IN MY RESTAURANT, IN MY TOWN"

YOU KNOW, THAT KIND OF THING, THE VERNACULAR.

"COME IN MY TOWN, RUNNING OFF HIS MOUTH

AND HOLLERING AND ALL THAT STUFF," YOU KNOW?

"I CAN'T TOUCH HIM BECAUSE HE'S MILITARY.

"I DON'T WANT NO PROBLEMS.

"I DON'T WANT NOTHING COMING DOWN TO ME.

GET ME A NIGGER."

THAT'S WHAT THE CONDUCTOR DID. THAT NIGGER PAID FOR ME.

HE THREW THAT NIGGER OFF THE TRAIN BECAUSE OF ME.

AND THE CONDUCTOR KNEW EXACTLY WHERE TO STOP THE TRAIN

THE BEST SPOT TO THROW A NIGGER OFF THE TRAIN,

DOWN THE FUCKING EMBANKMENT.

AND TO THIS DAY, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT GUY LIVED OR DIED,

BECAUSE THE CONDUCTOR PULLED THE CORD AGAIN,

AND THE TRAIN STARTED OFF.

I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT. THAT'S A HELL OF AN INCIDENT.

I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT AS LONG AS I LIVE.

IT WAS THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS...

YOU KNOW, SINCE IT WAS MIDNIGHT.

YOU HAVEN'T LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN IN A FLOPHOUSE

WITH NOTHING BUT ONE LIGHTBULB

AND 56 MEN SQUEEZED TOGETHER ON COTS.

WITH EVERYBODY SNORING AT ONCE,

AND SOME OF THOSE SNORES SO DEEP AND GROSS AND UNBELIEVABLE

DARK, SNOTTY, GROSS SUBHUMAN WHEEZINGS FROM HELL ITSELF.

YOUR MIND ALMOST BREAKS UNDER THOSE DEATHLIKE SOUNDS

AND INTERMINGLING ODORS

HARD, UNWASHED SOCKS, PISSED AND SHITTED UNDERWEAR.

AND OVER IT ALL, SLOWLY CIRCULATING AIR

MUCH LIKE THAT EMANATING FROM UNCOVERED GARBAGE CANS.

AND THOSE BODIES IN THE DARK, FAT AND THIN AND BENT

SOME LEGLESS, ARMLESS.

SOME MINDLESS.

AND WORST OF ALL, THE TOTAL ABSENCE OF HOPE.

IT SHROUDS THEM AND COVERS THEM TOTALLY.

IT'S NOT BEARABLE.

THOSE MEN WERE ALL CHILDREN ONCE.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THEM, AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?

IT'S DARK... AND COLD OUT HERE.

HEATSTROKE

JUST IN THE TIME IT TOOK ME TO SAY THAT, IT COULD KILL YOU.

NOW, YOU READY TO GO OVER IT AGAIN?

HEATSTROKE.

IN THE TIME IT TOOK ME TO SAY THAT,

THAT'S HOW QUICK IT COULD KILL YOU.

YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE RED SKIN

SEE HOW I'M SWEATING?

I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE WHAT, GOING ON 8, 9 MINUTES?

LOOK HOW I'M STILL SWEATING. LOOK HOW RED MY SKIN STILL IS.

YOUR HEATING UP WHEN YOU WORK OUT AGAINST MOTHER NATURE.

YOU DO NOT ACT FOOLISH WITH MOTHER NATURE.

DO NOT ACT FOOLISH WITH MOTHER NATURE.

I AM IN SUPERLATIVE AEROBIC CONDITION

AND TREMENDOUSLY ACCUSTOMED

TO THE EXTREMES OF MOTHER NATURE.

I AM WALKING SLOWER THAN NORMAL OUT THERE.

I AM DRINKING LOTS OF WATER.

I DRINK LOTS OF BEER FOR COOLING,

BUT DRINKING LOTS WATER ANY WAY YOU CAN.

IF YOU DRINK BEER IT DOES HELP RELAX YOU.

GET OVER THE STRESS AND DOGGERY

OF TRYING TO DEAL WITH THAT HEAT CONSTANTLY.

IT DOES RELAX YOU. BEER HAS ITS USE.

BUT YOU HAVE TO DRINK WATER.

YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT LIKE ITS A BATTLE.

YOU HAVE TO DRINK WATER.

AND IF YOU DRINK BEER, DRINK MORE WATER.

HE'S BLEEDING FROM HIS EYE.

HE'S BLEEDING FROM HIS MOUTH.

DAMN.

I'M GLAD I'M GETTING OFF AT 1:30...

'CAUSE, UH, THIS PLACE IS GONNA BE A MADHOUSE,

I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

IT'S PAR FOR THE COURSE FOR THE WEEKEND.

I SEE SOME LIGHTS.

I DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE COMING HERE.

HE'S BACK HERE IN THE BATHROOM.

ONLY ON FOX KIDS. HERE, BOY!

[ DOG BARKS ]

HEY.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE.

AND HE WAS JUST LAYING ON THE FLOOR.

HE WASN'T SHAKING?

YEAH, HE WAS SHAKING. I SAW HIM SHAKING.

WHEN I WENT IN THERE, HE WAS SITTING UP,

AND HE WAS DOING LIKE THAT, SHAKING HIS HEAD, YOU KNOW?

SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED.

LET ME GO.

DON'T BOTHER THE AMBULANCE. DON'T BOTHER

WHAT?

NOW, THEY GONNA FUCK AROUND

AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM FOR HIM INTERFERING,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THAT GUY'S A PCE OF WORK.

HE'S REALLY, TRULY A PCE OF WORK.

THEY MUST BE TRYING TO REVIVE HIM.

WELL, THEY AIN'T GONNA DO THAT IF HE HAD SOME HEROIN,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

HE AIN'T GONNA REVIVE UNLESS THEY GIVE HIM A SHOT.

I BETTER WATCH OUT FOR TYRONE BEFORE HE KNOCK ME OUT.

WHAT?

OH, BOY, OH, BOY. I'LL TELL YOU.

I WAS RIGHT HERE. I GOT SOME OF THAT.

NO.

I CAN'T TALK ABOUT MINE THERE.

SOUNDS GOOD, TOO.

WALKING THESE STAIRS IS GRUELING.

I USED TO BE ABLE TO RUN UP AND DOWN 'EM, BUT NOT ANYMORE.

THOSE DAYS ARE GONE.

[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY ]

WHAT GOES ON UP AROUND HERE?

PEOPLE LIVE. THAT'S IT.

THEY TRY TO SURVIVE DAILY, YOU KNOW?

ALL THE TIME YOU'VE INTERVIEWED NATHAN

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S YOUR BUSINESS TO DO THAT,

OR EVEN IF YOU WOULD

DID YOU EVER DISCUSS WHY HIM AND HIS WIFE ARE NOT TOGETHER?

IT ENDED LIKE A TV MOVIE.

SHE MOVED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

TOOK HER SHIT AND LEFT MINE.

THERE'S ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE WHOLESOME LIVING LIVING.

THEY FUCKED THAT UP SOMEWHERE.

BUT THEY DENY IT, YOU KNOW?

"NO, I DIDN'T FUCK UP.

MY WIFE JUST MAN, SHE PICKED UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT."

REALLY? REALLY, MAN?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, GIVE ME A BREAK, MAN.

I WOULD PICK UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IF YOU FUCKED ME UP.

SO YOU HAD TO FUCK UP. WELL, HE WON'T TALK ABOUT THAT.

YOU KNOW, ONCE YOU TAKE THE CHERRY OUT OF LIFE

ONCE YOU TAKE YOUR WIFE OR YOUR LOVE OR HOWEVER YOU

THE CHERRY LIFE AIN'T NOTHIN', MAN.

IT'S NOTHIN', MAN.

YOU'RE A ZERO,

AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU'RE DOING IS JUST FUCKING AROUND.

AND TO MAKE IT MORE SIMPLIFIED,

THE THING THAT REALLY HOLDING ME BACK IS INDEBTMENTS

BORROWING MONEY,

WHICH I'M ONLY DOING IS BLOWING IT AROUND HERE WITH THE BOYS.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?

GIVING OUT AND EVERYTHING,

PLAYING THE GOOD SAMARITAN, THE GOOD GUY AND WHATNOT.

THAT'S NOT TO SAY

THAT I'M TRYING TO BUY FRIENDSHIPS OR ANYTHING.

BUT I'VE ALWAYS HAD THAT GOOD TINT, THOUGH, ABOUT ME.

800 BUCKS IN MY POCKET WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE NOTHING

I'LL SHARE IT WITH YOU.

NOW, THIS IS WHAT I GOT TO BREAK AWAY FROM AS OF NOW.

OTHERWISE, I'M NOT GONNA GET BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN I BLOW MINE WITH YOU OR THEM OR THOSE OR WHOEVER,

THEN I GOT TO GO BORROW, OKAY?

I GOT TO PAY INTEREST ON THIS.

FROM A LOAN SHARK?

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

AND THAT'S WHAT'S REALLY HOLDING ME DOWN LIKE THIS.

WHEN I COME TO THE SURFACE, I CAN'T GET UP.

MOVING IS A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE.

YOU MOVE FROM A CULT ONE ENVIRONMENT TO ANOTHER,

THAT'S A SHOCK TO YOUR SYSTEM.

IT HELPS TO BE YOUNG.

IT REALLY HELPS TO BE YOUNG,

BECAUSE AS A YOUNGSTER, YOU CAN ADAPT.

YOU CAN, YOU KNOW YOU CAN ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES BETTER.

BUT AS AN OLDSTER...

I TOLD VIC, "IT TAKES A LOT OF ENERGY TO MOVE, MAN.

"DO YOU HAVE THAT STRENGTH?

DO YOU HAVE THAT PHYSICAL STRENGTH?"

NOW, THE BOWERY NO MOVING VANS COME UP HERE.

IN THE BOWERY, YOU WALK OUT WITH WHAT YOU CARRY, MAN.

YOU KNOW, YOU AIN'T WAITING YOU WAITING AROUND

FOR SOMEBODY TO CARRY THIS SHIT SOMEWHERE?

WHERE? WHAT SHIT? WHAT IS THIS?

NOTHING, MAN. IT'S NOTHING.

I CAN REMEMBER THAT MORNING THAT I LEFT

BECAUSE I GOT SO SHARP, YOU KNOW?

I GOT STORAGE AND SHIT, YOU KNOW?

I BEEN HIP TO LIVING IN NEW YORK.

YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, YOU GET YOU SOME STORAGE.

YOU JOIN THE CITY GYM. FUCK THE REST OF IT.

YOU GOT A PLACE TO SHOWER, SHAVE,

WORK OUT, CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES.

YOU GOT A PLACE TO KEEP YOUR VALUABLES VCRs, TV.

YOU CAN'T BRING THAT SHIT UP IN HERE.

SO I DID ALL OF THAT. I COVERED BASES, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, I COVERED BASES.

WHEN I LEFT THAT ROOM,

MAN, I DIDN'T CARE WHAT WAS IN THAT ROOM.

IT DIDN'T EVEN MATTER TO ME.

I DIDN'T SAY, "I'M COMING BACK," BECAUSE

IT TOOK A VERY DRASTIC SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES

TO GET YOU DOWN HERE, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

AND IT'S GONNA TAKE AN EQUALLY DRASTIC AMOUNT OF EFFORT

AND AMOUNT OF CHANGES TO GET AWAY FROM HERE, YOU KNOW?

NOBODY WALKS AWAY FROM THIS. NOBODY.

MOST STAY HERE TILL THEY DIE.

ALL RIGHT.

FOR A YEAR, I WORKED 15 HOURS A DAY.

I HAD TIME TO GET UP, SHIT, SHOWER, SHAVE,

AND SHINE MY TEETH AND GO OUT TO WORK.

AND THAT'S ALL I HAD TO DO, ALL RIGHT?

THE LAST TWO MONTHS, I HAD A HARD TIME KEEPING TRACK

OF THE CHORES AS IT WAS THEN.

THE LAST TWO MONTHS, I EXPERIMENTED

A LITTLE OVER TWO MONTHS

I EXPERIMENTED WITH 16 HOURS A DAY.

OH, BY THE WAY, A YEAR, 15 HOURS A DAY,

I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CASE OF THE SNIFFLES.

15 HOURS A DAY I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CASE OF THE SNIFFLES.

IT WAS HEALTHY WORK.

TWO MAIN THINGS WRONG WITH MY ROOM RIGHT NOW,

BESIDES THE FACT I'M FALLING BEHIND IN GENERAL DISORDER.

OKAY, TWO MAIN THINGS WRONG WITH MY ROOM RIGHT NOW

MY LAUNDRY HAS BUILT UP LIKE HELL, AND FOR ME TO SWEEP

JUST TO DO A SIMPLE SWEEPING

I'VE GOT TO PULL A BUNCH OF SHIT LOOK UNDER MY BED.

I'VE GOT A MAN'S WEAPON BACK THERE I'M STORING.

HE'S GONE FOR A WHILE. I'M STORING A MAN'S WEAPON.

MY ROOM IS NOT IN ORDER.

IT'S THE WORST IT'S BEEN IN MY LIFE.

WHAT? YOU WANT TO COME SEE WHAT I'M ABOUT?

YEAH, THIS IS MY PERSONAL LAIR.

THIS IS THE LION'S LAIR, SO TO SPEAK.

ALL RIGHT.

THESE ARE BOOKS THAT I'M JUST INVESTIGATING.

YOU WANT TO SEE THE KIND OF BOOKS I READ?

"THE PORTRAIT OF A LADY," HENRY JAMES,

"FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD,"

"WHITE FANG," JACK LONDON,

"GERMINAL," EMILE ZOLA.

THAT'S THE KIND OF BOOKS I READ.

I GOT SHAKESPEARES.

YOU GOT ROACH PROBLEMS?

LOOK AT THIS SHIT OVER HERE.

YOU GOT ROACH PROBLEMS.

AND THEY NEST IN BOOKS.

I KEEP EVERY ONE OF MY BOOKS WRAPPED IN PLASTIC.

OF COURSE, I GOT SOME PORNOGRAPHY.

I'VE LOST IT ON THE LAUNDRY. I'VE LOST IT ON THE LAUNDRY.

THIS IS THE WAY I KEEP MY LAUNDRY.

I HANG IT UP JUST TO KEEP IT AIRED.

I'VE LOST MY LAUNDRY.

I'M WAY BEHIND ON LAUNDRY,

SO THERE'S A LITTLE LOCKER-ROOM ORDER.

I GOT FOUR UMBRELLAS IN THE ROOM

MAJOR TOOL OF MY PROFESSION.

[ BURPS ]

WE GOT FREE FOOD COMING IN HERE.

OF COURSE, I STACK IT IN AND STACK IT UP.

MY DRAWERS, I DON'T WEAR 'EM

EXCEPT WHEN I GOT TO WALK IN PUBLIC WITH 'EM.

I JUST PUT 'EM CONVENIENT.

WE GOT TO BATTLE LIKE HELL

WITH COCKROACHES, BEDBUGS, YOU NAME IT AROUND HERE.

I GOT TO KEEP A KNIFE HANDY.

I KEEP A KNIFE HANDY.

I DON'T CARRY WEAPONS.

I DON'T CARRY WEAPONS,

BUT I KEEP WEAPONS HANDY THAT I CAN KILL WITH

BECAUSE IT WILL COME.

I'M TIRED OF THIS LIFE TIRED, SICKENED.

IT'S A LOT OF MONEY.

OF COURSE, IT'S A LOT OF MONEY TO BE A DRAG QUEEN, YOU KNOW?

I SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON MY FACE, MY BODY.

I HAVE TO BUY MAKEUP, EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW, IT'S SO EXPENSIVE.

SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN HAVE MONEY FOR FOOD SOMETIMES.

I HAD MY CHEEKS DONE.

I HAD MY LIPS FULLING IN.

I HAD MY BREAST IMPLANTS.

I COULDN'T AFFORD TO GET IT DONE ALL AT ONE TIME,

SO I HAD TO WORK ON IT.

I HAD TO WORK ON THE BREASTS FIRST,

BUT THEN I WENT FOR MY SILICONE IN MY FACE,

THEN I WENT BACK FOR MY HIP, FOLD MY BOY CUPS IN.

I HAD MY BOY CUPS FOLDED IN.

AND I HAD MY NOSE JOB DONE.

I HAD A NOSE JOB DONE TWO TIMES.

STARTING TO GET TIRED.

I REALLY WANT TO TAKE 'EM OUT.

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE JUST TAKING 'EM OUT,

BECAUSE IT'S A LOT OF TROUBLE, YOU KNOW?

IN THE STREET, GUYS ALWAYS WANT TO STOP ME

"OH, LET ME SEE YOUR TITTIES. IS YOUR TITTIES REAL?"

YOU KNOW, THEY ASK ME IS MY TITTIES REAL.

YOU KNOW, SOME OF THE GUYS STOP AND SAY,

"OH, LET ME FEEL 'EM," OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

AND I GET VERY MAD AT THAT, YOU KNOW.

SO SOMETIMES I WANT TO TAKE 'EM OUT,

BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF TROUBLE IN THE STREET FOR ME.

THERE'S CERTAIN GUYS, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T BELIEVE THEY'RE REAL.

YOU KNOW, THEY WANT TO OPEN MY SHIRT.

THEY WANT TO FEEL 'EM, PLAY WITH 'EM.

SOME GUYS LOVE THEM.

SOME GUYS, IT TURNS THEM ON, YOU KNOW.

BUT THEN I SAY, "NO."

I JUST HAVE TO, YOU KNOW

SOMETIMES I'LL GRAB MYSELF,

AND I JUST HAVE TO SAY, "I CAN'T DO THIS."

BECAUSE SOME GUYS APPROACH ME,

AND SOMETIMES I'LL BE IN A MOOD FOR SEX.

ENJOY YOURSELF.

I CAME TO THE BOWERY, AND I DID SOME THINGS,

BUT, MAN, YOU ARE THE BOWERY.

YOU ARE THE BOWERY.

YOU HEAR THAT, DOMINIC? HE'S REALLY PUTTING ME DOWN NOW.

[ LAUGHS ]

REALLY PUTTING YOU DOWN. SURE.

"ESSENTIALLY, THE SCAR WE LOOK TO IS THE PAST.

"IF A SINGLE STAR WERE A CAMERA,

"IT WOULD HAVE RECORDED THE VERY ADVENT OF MAN AND HIS WORLD,

"YET WE WOULDN'T SEE THE PICTURE UNTIL TOMORROW OR MAYBE NEVER.

"THE ONLY EVENTS WE CAN DETERMINE IN RELATIVE REAL TIME

"ARE THOSE OF OUR SUN AND MOON.

"PICTURE THIS IF A GUY TOOK A LEAK ON THE SUN,

"WE WOULDN'T SEE THE EVENT OF THE STEAM

"UNTIL NINE MINUTES LATER,

"THE MOON, A LITTLE OVER A SECOND.

"THE CLOSEST OBJECT FOUND OUTSIDE OUR OWN..."

A LITTLE BIT OF LEVITY, YOU KNOW.

I JUST SOMEHOW FELT THAT SHE HAD A PARTICULAR INSIGHT, YOU KNOW,

TO WHAT I WAS WRITING.

IN OTHER WORDS, I WAS VENTING MY MIND.

AND, IN FACT, WHEN MISS LINDSTROM LEFT NBC,

I HAD WRITTEN HER A LETTER

MENTIONING THE FACT THAT I WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE WRITING TO HER

USING HER NAME, RATHER THAN, YOU KNOW, SWITCH OVER TO SOME

I WASN'T GOING I WASN'T ABOUT TO DO THAT

SWITCH OVER TO THIS PERSON OR THAT PERSON, YOU KNOW.

NO, NO. NO, NO. PLEASE.

DURING THE COURSE OF THE NUMBER OF YEARS OF CORRESPONDENCE...

I DON'T KNOW.

I SEEM TO HAVE BEEN SPREAD AROUND THE CHANNELS.

YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH...

THE LATEST GOSSIP, YOU KNOW?

IN OTHER WORDS, AT ONE POINT,

I COULD LOOK AT THE TELEVISION SET, AND I COULD TELL

IN FACT, I NEVER WROTE THOSE THINGS DOWN, BUT I MEANT TO.

I JUST NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT.

BUT I COULD TELL WHEN ANOTHER CHANNEL WAS INFORMED

OF MY LETTERS, YOU KNOW?

AND I COULD TELL THAT IMMEDIATELY.

OF COURSE, NOW THEY INFORM EACH OTHER AS A MATTER OF COURSE,

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF CHANNEL 13.

CHANNEL 13 STARTED IN "THE GAME,"

BUT CHANNEL 13 DROPPED OUT.

AND I COULD TELL WHEN THEY DROPPED OUT, YOU KNOW?

BUT THEY STARTED IN "THE GAME" THEMSELVES.

I MEAN, EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL, YOU KNOW,

WERE PUTTING IN THEIR TWO CENTS ON THIS THING, YOU KNOW.

HIS 27 FLD GOALS WERE AN AFC RECORD, WHILE 47...

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY DOMAIN

SLIGHTLY LARGER THAN A FOXHOLE,

AIN'T GOT TO WORRY ABOUT NOBODY FIRING AT YOU.

IT'S A LOT NEATER AND CLEANER THAN MOST OF THE ONES I'VE SEEN.

OF COURSE. CONSIDER WHO'S LIVING HERE.

IF I GOT TO LIVE IN A SWAMP, I CAN DEAL WITH IT.

TOUGH ACTIN' TINACTIN.

NOTHING STOPS THE ITCHING, BURNING, AND CRACKING LIKE...

I'VE SLEPT IN MUD BEFORE AND ALL THAT SHIT.

...PREVENT ATHLETE'S FOOT.

BUT I DID IT FOR A REASON. THERE WAS A CAUSE.

THIS ONE IS OFFICIAL, SO LET ME TAKE MY TIME.

I HAVE COMMITTED SOME MINOR CRIMES

IN MY [COUGHS] YOUNGER DAYS.

I GOT IN A FEW FIGHTS WITH MOBSTERS.

I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY REVOLUTIONARY DAYS.

ON THIS PARTICULAR OCCASION,

I WAS IN A PARTICULAR STATE THAT IS HEAVY ON PREJUDICE.

I WAS MY BEST FRIEND WAS A MINORITY.

I USED TO BRAG ABOUT THIS MAN.

HE WAS ABOUT THAT HIGH ON ME. I'M A SHORT MAN MYSELF.

HE WAS ABOUT THAT HIGH ON ME, A BOWLING BALL OF A MAN.

I USED TO PUT MY HANDS AROUND HIS WRIST, JUST LIKE THAT,

AND THE ENDS OF MY FINGERS THE ENDS OF MY FINGERS

WOULD GO ABOUT HALFWAY AROUND HIS WRIST.

HARDWORKING MINORITY AND HE SWUNG THAT MOP LIKE HELL.

I USED TO BRAG ABOUT THAT MAN.

BEST FRIEND OF MY LIFE UP TILL THE END.

I GIVE HIM A FEW HUNDRED DOLLARS.

I SAID, "DON'T PAY ME BACK. KEEP IT."

AND HE ACTED EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT.

SO I TOOK HIM OUT TO A BAR, MINORITY BAR.

WE WERE DRINKING MINORITY DRINKS.

HIS WIFE HAD SENSE. WE WERE BOTH HEAVY DRINKERS.

HIS WIFE HAD SENSE, CAME AND GOT US BEFORE THE NIGHT WAS OVER.

ON THE WAY BACK, I BOUGHT US A CASE OF BEER.

WE GET BACK TO HIS HOUSE.

WE'RE SITTING THERE DRINKING THE BEER, JUST RAPPING, TALKING.

ALL RIGHT, I DID ONE OF THEM NOT QUITE PASS OUT,

BUT I DID ONE OF THEM NODS BACK

YOU KNOW, GET MY MIND OFF OF EVERYTHING KIND OF THINGS.

I FELT SOMETHING IN MY POCKET,

BUT I DIDN'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO IT FOR A SECOND OR TWO.

I COME TO.

I GO FEEL MY POCKET. MY MONEY'S GONE.

I SAID, "I LOST SOME MONEY BACK AT THE BAR.

I'M GOING BACK TO THE BAR AND SEE IF I CAN FIGURE IT OUT."

TRYING TO GIVE HIM I KNEW HE TOOK IT.

HE JUMPED ON ME, WITH A LOCK ON MY HEAD,

AND STARTED BREAKING MY DAMN NECK.

THE ONLY THING I COULD DO I DID KNOW A COUPLE OF TRICKS.

I TWISTED AROUND HIS GRIP, AND I GOT MY HANDS ON THE WALL,

AND I USED THE WALL AS LEVERAGE AND BROKE HIS GRIP.

THEN I STARTED COMING BACK AT HIM.

HE RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE.

HE KNEW WHERE THE GUNS WERE. I DIDN'T.

HE HAD GUNS IN HIS CAR, AND I KNOW HE WENT FOR THE GUNS.

HE'D ALREADY TRIED TO KILL ME.

ALL I COULD DO WAS GO TO THE BACK OF THE HOUSE

TO THE KITCHEN AND GET A KNIFE.

THAT MAN WAS A DEADLY SHOT

WHO HAD ALREADY BLOWN MANY PEOPLE AWAY.

HE HAD ALREADY ROBBED ME.

HE HAD ALREADY TRIED TO KILL ME.

I KNEW HE WASN'T GONNA COME BACK

AND MARQUESS de QUEENSBURY WITH ME.

IF I LET HIM COME IN THE DOOR AND JUST DRAW A BEAD ON ME,

I WAS DEAD.

HE HAD CURTAINS HANGING DOWN RIGHT BY HIS DOOR, FRONT DOOR.

I SAID, "FIRE HIS CURTAINS TO MAKE A SMOKE SCREEN,"

SO I'D HAVE A LITTLE COVER.

IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A GUN

DRAW YOUR GUN AND TRY AND SHOOT ME.

DRAW YOUR GUN AND TRY AND SHOOT ME.

DRAW YOUR GUN AND TRY AND SHOOT ME.

GO AHEAD. DRAW YOUR GUN AND TRY AND SHOOT ME.

WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO

WAS GET A LITTLE BIT OF COVER FOR A SPLIT SECOND

TO GET INSIDE OF HIS GUN-BARREL RANGE.

HE GOT TO THE POINT ON THE FIRE

HE HESITATED LONG ENOUGH

I COULDN'T GET TO HIM ANY FASTER THAN HE COULD GET TO ME.

SO I WENT OUTSIDE.

I SAT IN HIS FRONT YARD, DOWN LIKE THIS, WITH THAT DAMN KNIFE.

I FELT LIKE I WAS DEAD AT THAT POINT.

IMMEDIATELY, THE FIREMEN SHOWED UP.

I THOUGHT THEY WERE BRAVE.

THEY ASKED ME THEY SAID, "DID YOU SET THIS FIRE?"

I SAID, "YES, I DID. THERE'S A MAN OUT HERE,

"AND WE'RE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER.

WATCH YOURSELVES. HE'S GOT A GUN."

I MEAN, RIGHT BEHIND THEM, HERE COMES THIS ROOKIE COP.

I'M SITTING THERE WITH A KNIFE THAT DAMN LONG.

HE COMES STANDING UP.

I GOT THAT DAMN KNIFE THAT FAR FROM HIS BELLY.

I ALREADY KNOW I CAN HANDLE HIS GUN.

HE STANDS THERE, "DROP THE KNIFE

OR I'M GONNA BLOW YOUR HEAD AWAY!"

I SAID, "GO AHEAD. I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.

"THERE'S A MAN OUT THERE FIXING TO KILL BOTH OF US,

AND YOU'RE BLOCKING MY DEFENSE."

AND I KNEW THAT FOOL WAS GONNA GET BOTH OF US KILLED.

SO I FINALLY THREW MY KNIFE DOWN

AND SAID, "I DON'T WANT TO KILL ANYBODY."

HE ASKED ME VERY POLITELY IF I WOULD GO OVER TO THE CAR.

THE ONLY THING THAT SHOWED UP IN THAT DAMN COURTROOM

OUT OF THAT CONFESSION I SET THE FIRE.

THE JUDGE LIED. THE D.A. LIED.

THEY APPOINTED MY DEFENSE LAWYER,

WOULDN'T LET ME CHANGE HIM.

HE LIED. HE DIDN'T CHECK ON A DAMN THING.

THEY PICKED THE JURY.

I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THE JURY.

AND THEY TRIED FOR 35 FUCKING YEARS AT MY DAMN ASS

WITH PAROLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

AND THEY ALREADY RAILROADED ME.

I'M HEADED FOR LIFE.

AND THE JURY HAD PRESET INSTRUCTIONS TO CONVICT ME.

THEY KEPT TELLING ME, "DON'T OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH."

FUCK YOU! I OPENED MY DAMN MOUTH.

I HAD THAT JURY IN SUCH A HURRY

TO MAKE SURE THEY OBEYED THEIR INSTRUCTIONS TO CONVICT ME,

THEY CAME BACK WITH THE FIRST CONVICTION THEY COULD,

THE MINIMUM 6 YEARS.

I GET OUT ON PAROLE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR AN EX-CON TO GET A JOB,

ESPECIALLY RIGHT OUT OF THE PEN?

I KEPT COMING IN WITH JOB OPPORTUNITIES,

AND MY PAROLE OFFICER KEPT BLOCKING ME.

I FINALLY CONFRONTED HER.

I SAID, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

I'M GETTING JOB OPPORTUNITIES. WHY DO YOU KEEP BLOCKING THEM?"

SHE TOLD ME IN THESE WORDS

SHE SAID, "I AM GOING TO VIOLATE YOU."

IN OTHER WORDS, SEND ME AWAY FOR LIFE

JUST 'CAUSE SHE FELT LIKE IT.

"I AM GOING TO VIOLATE YOU JUST 'CAUSE WE FEEL LIKE IT."

I WENT BACK TO MY ROOM.

I THOUGHT A LITTLE WHILE.

GOT ON THE PHONE, CALLED THAT PAROLE OFFICER,

GOT THE, UH...PHONE OPERATOR.

"UH, SHE CAN'T BE REACHED."

"BITCH, GET THAT DAMN WOMAN ON MY PHONE!

I'M GONNA TALK TO THAT WOMAN."

I LEFT THAT PAROLE OFFICER WITH THESE WORDS

I SAID, "IT'S TIME FOR THE OPPRESSION TO STOP,

OR IT'S TIME FOR PEOPLE TO START DYING."

I BLUFFED HER.

SHE KNEW IT WAS GOING TO REFLECT ON HER RECORD.

WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE IS FIRING, I'M FIRING.

I SEEN A LOT OF BODIES GO DOWN.

I DON'T KNOW WAS IT MY BULLET HIT 'EM OR THEIRS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I KNOW THEY WAS FIRING BACK AT US.

I KIND OF LIKED IT.

THAT'S WHY I READ UP.

YOU SEE, ONCE YOU GET IT IN YOUR BLOOD, YOU DON'T CARE.

NOW, ONE THING I THOUGHT ABOUT

I AIN'T GOING TO JAIL LONG AS I DON'T GET CAPTURED.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN?

THE ONLY THING I FEARED WHEN I WAS OVER THERE

WAS TO BECOME A P.O.W.,

'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE BOYS.

I DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT KILLING THEM MOTHERFUCKERS.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT DOING IT NOW.

THE ONLY THING THAT MAKE ME THINK

IS THAT I KNOW IF I DO IT HERE I'M GOING TO JAIL.

YOU SEE, SAM CAN'T BACK ME UP NO MORE BECAUSE I'M A CIVILIAN.

I'M NOT FIGHTING

FOR THE UNITED STATES' BELF AND RIGHTS ANY DAMN MORE.

I DID MY JOB. MY KILLING DAYS ARE OVER.

BUT IF I'M PUSHED AGAINST A GODDAMN WALL,

I'LL SHOW YOU SOME EXPERIENCE.

I DON'T FIND MYSELF IN THE COMMON MOLD OF INTERESTS,

YOU KNOW, THAT I WOULD SEE THAT ONE WOULD SEE.

AND AS A CONSEQUENCE, I SEE THINGS A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY

THAN THE OTHER PERSON.

I DON'T QUITE SEE THINGS THE SAME WAY.

I HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE OF THINGS THAT I SEE,

AND THAT MAKES THINGS DIFFICULT.

I THINK IN VERY SIMPLISTIC TERMS, YOU KNOW

YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, YOU EAT BREAKFAST,

AND YOU BREATHE IN AND OUT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, YOU KNOW,

AND THAT'S IT, YOU KNOW?

AND AT NIGHT YOU EAT DINNER, YOU GO TO BED,

AND PERHAPS YOU WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY

IF YOU DON'T CROAK DURING THE MEANTIME, YOU KNOW?

IT'S SIMPLE, YOU KNOW.

BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THINGS HAVE TURNED OUT NOT TO BE SO SIMPLE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DETERMINED TO GO.

YOU THOUGHT I WAS. SOME OTHERS THOUGHT I WAS.

I THOUGHT I WAS. SO?

A PERSON CAN CHANGE HIS MIND.

BEEN SCREWING UP FOR A LONG TIME.

YOU EXPECT ME TO STOP NOW?

IT SEEMS TO BE MY STYLE.

I FIGURE LEAVING WOULD BE A MORE SENSIBLE COURSE.

I'VE BEEN SCREWING UP RIGHT ALONG,

SO, YOU KNOW, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

WHY DO YOU THINK GUYS LIKE NATHAN WANT TO STAY HERE?

WELL, HERE'S HOW IT GOES, MAN, WITH NATHAN

AND I'M ANTISOCIAL, SO I KNOW WHAT THAT WHOLE THING IS

NATHAN WORKED AND WORKED.

HE SUPPORTED A FAMILY. HE RAISED CHILDREN.

HE WENT THROUGH THE WHOLE SCENE.

BUT NATHAN ALSO USED.

HE USED DRUGS.

NOW, WHEN YOU BEGIN USING DRUGS

I MEAN, TO THE POINT NOT OF EXPERIMENTING OR PARTYING.

WHEN YOU BEGIN TO USE DRUGS, THAT CHANGES YOU.

YOU BECOME A PERSON THAT

YOU KNOW SOCIETY WILL NOT ACCEPT YOU.

YOU CAN'T NOD OUT AT THE MEETING.

YOU CAN'T NOD OUT.

AND AS NATHAN WENT OFF INTO THAT TYPE OF THING,

BEING UNACCEPTABLE WAS VERY FOREIGN TO HIM.

HE WAS NEVER UNACCEPTABLE.

'CAUSE HE'S A VERY PERSONABLE PERSON.

HE'S KNOWLEDGEABLE.

HE'S THE KIND OF PERSON YOU WANT TO BE AROUND.

HEY, NATE, LET'S GO HANG OUT.

IT'S LIKE CREATING A REALITY FOR YOURSELF.

NOW, HOW CAN YOU DO THAT AND GET AWAY WITH IT?

YOU STAY IN THIS BUILDING.

YOU NEVER GO IN THE STREET.

BECAUSE IF YOU GO ON THE STREET,

YOU'RE GONNA GET REINFORCEMENT FOR THE THINGS YOU DO

THE WAY YOU CAN THE THINGS YOU SAY.

SO YOU STAY HERE FOR 15 YEARS.

YOU WEAVE YOUR REALITY.

"I'M A GREAT INVENTOR.

"I'M WRITING PIA LINDSTROM FOR 15 YEARS.

"NEVER GOT ANY ANSWERS, BUT HERE THEY GO.

"AND THE SECRET SERVICE IS AFTER ME

"BECAUSE MY INVENTIONS ARE SO CORRECT.

"THEY KNOW I AIN'T NO NIGGER

SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS SHIT."

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I LEARNED PARANOIA FROM SMOKING CRACK.

WHEN YOU SMOKE CRACK BECAUSE CRACK IS REALLY DOWN

YOU HIDE WHEN YOU SMOKE CRACK.

WHEN YOU GO SOMEWHERE AND ENCLOSE YOURSELF,

YOU NO LONGER GET THE NATURAL FEEDBACK THAT PEOPLE GET.

I HEAR THINGS.

I SEE BRUCE MOVING AROUND. I SEE YOU COME IN.

THOSE ARE NORMAL FEEDBACKS.

WHEN I LOCK MYSELF IN A ROOM, PULL DOWN THE SHADES,

BLOCK OUT THE FUCKING CRACK IN THE DOOR,

I DON'T GET ANY RESPONSE,

AND SO MY MIND JUST REVOLVES AROUND ITS OWN SHIT.

AND YOU GET PARANOID.

NOW, YOUR PARANOIA WOULD BE RELIEVED

IF YOU'D JUST WALK OUTSIDE.

BUT THE PARANOIA TELLS YOU, "DON'T WALK OUTSIDE."

SO YOU GET LIKE VIC.

YOU STAY IN YOUR ROOM.

YOU BUILD YOUR ROOM AROUND YOU WITH STACKS OF RACING FORMS

AND FUCKING MENUS FROM THE CHINESE RESTAURANT

AND LETTERS YOU DON'T OPEN AND PACKAGES AND CLOTHING.

AND IT INSULATES.

YOU BEGIN TO GET, LIKE, INTO THE WOMB.

YOU GO BACK TO THE WOMB.

IT'S SAFE IN THE WOMB. IT'S SAFE.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SAFETY.

HOW CAN I GET SAFE?

BUT IT'S NOT.

YOUR RATIONAL MIND WILL TAKE YOU TO SAFETY,

BUT YOUR IRRATIONAL MIND WILL NOT.

IT WILL JUST RUN.

IT'LL JUST RUN AWAY. PERIOD.

AND SO NATHAN JUST RAN AWAY.

MY BROTHER, HE'S A TAX LAWYER FOR THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA,

AND HE WANTS ME TO COME OUT THERE.

I MEAN, HE'D GLADLY HAVE ME.

IN FACT, I COULD LEAVE THIS VERY MINUTE

AND GO OUT TO CALIFORNIA,

BUT I'VE BEEN INDEPENDENT TOO LONG, YOU KNOW TOO LONG.

I'M 62 YEARS OLD, AND I'M NOT READY TO RETIRE.

I MEAN, EVEN THOUGH I'M IN A CORPSE-LIKE CONDITION,

I'M NOT READY TO RETIRE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I'M READY TO GO TO WORK SOMEWHERE,

BUT NOT AT ANOTHER HOTEL.

I MEAN, THIS IS A LITTLE BIT TOO STRESSFUL, YOU KNOW.

MY DAUGHTER, NOW

I WOULD LOVE TO GO UP AND STAY WITH MY DAUGHTER.

BUT MY DAUGHTER YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND

I CAN DETECT SHE DOESN'T REALLY WANT DADDY INVALID THERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

TO BE QUITE FRANK WITH YOU,

I REALLY DON'T LIKE GOING TO A STATE THAT SHAKES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I'M REALLY RELUCTANT ABOUT THAT.

I MEAN, YOU CAN GET USED TO IT.

IF YOU'RE BORN IN CALIFORNIA,

I'M QUITE SURE YOU GET USED TO THAT SORT OF THING.

BUT, UH...I DON'T THINK SO.

I REALLY DON'T THINK SO.

YOU REALLY NEED THESE PLACES

BECAUSE, ACTUALLY, THERE'S NO PLACE IN MANHATTAN

WHERE YOU CAN LIVE FOR 70 BUCKS A WEEK.

THESE KINDS OF HOTELS HAVE CERTAIN DIFFICULTIES

WITH THE POPULATION

BECAUSE YOU GET ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE HERE

ANYTHING FROM MURDERERS, DOPE ADDICTS,

THIEVES, ROBBERS, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.

I'VE HAD A NUMBER OF MURDERERS HERE, YOU KNOW?

I FEEL LIKE IF I HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS HERE,

THEY COULD MAKE MY ROOM A LITTLE BETTER,

LIKE A PAINT JOB, WHICH I HAVEN'T HAD IN 15 YEARS.

OKAY, I JUST SWEAR I'M GONNA END UP HERE,

AND THIS IS THE WAY MY LIFE HAS GOT TO BE,

OKAY, I WILL ACCEPT.

I WOULD ACCEPT IT BECAUSE I HAVE NO OTHER MEANS.

I AIN'T ABLE TO GET AROUND LIKE I USED TO NO MORE,

SO IF IT'S HERE I GOT TO END UP,

THIS IS WHERE I HAVE TO BE, I GUESS.

UNLESS THEY PUT ME IN A HOME.

SO I GET MY PICTURE NOW FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I'M SET FOR RIGHT NOW TILL GOD TAKES ME OFF THIS EARTH.

THAT'S ME AND MY WHOLE BLUE LIFE.

SOUNDS FUNNY BUT THIS IS THE WHOLE THING.

BUT NOW I'M FEELING MORE STRONG ABOUT MYSELF, TO PULL MYSELF UP

AND TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH WHAT'S COMING TOWARDS ME.

BEFORE, I WAS SO WEAK. I USED TO GET SO WEAK.

I USED TO GO BACK OUT TO THE STREET

AND STARTED GETTING HIGH AND CARRYING ON AND STUFF, YOU KNOW?

BUT NOW I'M STRONG.

I'M BEING ABLE TO BE STRONG, TO STAND UP, YOU KNOW,

TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEMS THAT I HAVE.

BECAUSE BEING LIKE THIS IS A VERY ROUGH LIFE, YOU KNOW.

IT'S A VERY LONELY LIFE, TOO.

I BE LONELY A LOT. I STAY LONELY.

YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND ME

BECAUSE I'M LIKE THIS A LOT OF MY FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.

BUT I TRY TO STAY TO MYSELF, YOU KNOW?

BUT ONE DAY I'M GONNA MAKE IT, YOU KNOW?

JUST BY THE GRACE OF GOD.

GOD'S GONNA PULL ME THROUGH IT. I KNOW HE IS.

IF YOU LOOK BACK AND YOU SAY TO YOURSELF,

"WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE AGAIN?"

GOOD QUESTION. I ANTICIPATED IT.

WHAT DO YOU REGRET THE MOST, I SUPPOSE?

BECOMING DISTORTED, OBVIOUSLY.

THAT'S YOUR REGRET?

YEAH. I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED TO BE MORE NORMAL, YOU KNOW,

LIKE A PERSON SHOULD BE.

I BELIEVE SO.

BUT THEN AGAIN, CAN I BE SURE?

CAN I EVEN TRUST MYSELF, OR AM I LYING TO MYSELF AS WELL AS YOU?

I'VE GOT A LITTLE INFORMATION

TO BE USEFUL TO PEOPLE IMPOVERISHED.

I DON'T WANT FAME OR FORTUNE.

THAT'S BAGGAGE TO ME. I'M A SIMPLE MAN.

I'M VERY AMBITIOUS BUT NOT ABOUT THOSE KIND OF THINGS.

I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING LIKE "KING SOLOMON'S MINE,"

AND I'M NOT INTERESTED.

BUT IT WOULD BE A JEWEL FOR IMPOVERISHED PEOPLE.

IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

NOT ONLY IS EVERYTHING POSSIBLE, IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

JUST BE WILLING TO DO THE WORK AND START STAT.

AND I'M GONNA PUT IN SOME KIND OF WORK LIKE THEY CAN'T RESIST.

THAT'S MY FUTURE. THAT'S MY FUTURE.

I'M GONNA FOLLOW THE WANT ADS TO THE TOP.

THAT'S MY FUTURE.

MY LIFE NOW IS LIKE A SEESAW.

IT'S UP AND IT'S DOWN.

AND ONLY TILL I DECIDE TO MAKE UP MY MIND

THAT I WANT IT TO STAY CENTERED

AM I GONNA MOVE UP, TO GET BACK WHERE I BELONG.

AND I TELL YOU SOMETHING SORRY I LOST IT.

I MISSED IT.

BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING

THAT MAKES ME SMILE LIKE I'M SMILING NOW

I KNOW HOW TO GET IT BACK.

AND I'M GOING TO GET IT BACK.

AND I'M WORKING ON IT NOW.

JUST A MATTER OF TIME.

GET IT ALL BACK.

LIKE THEY SAY, OLD SOLDIERS NEVER DIE.

THEY FADE AWAY, YOU KNOW?

SO, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY YOUR GREATEST DREAM IS?

I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY.

I DON'T HAVE AN EGO.

I REALLY DON'T. I DON'T HAVE AN EGO.

I THINK THAT'S SAVED ME IN A LOT OF WAYS.

BY NOT HAVING AN EGO, YOU KNOW, I DON'T GO INTO THAT

TO THE HISTRIONICS OF DREAMS.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN FIVE YEARS TIME?

ALIVE. [ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. THAT WAS DAMN GOOD.

THAT'S DAMN GOOD.

YEAH, BE ALIVE, POINT-BLANK.

ALIVE.

YEP, THAT'S REALLY WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO BE.

[ LAUGHS ]

YEP.

WELL, I USED TO BE ABLE TO HOLD A TUNE, BUT NOT ANYMORE.

[ KEYBOARD PLAYS ]

♪ MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ DON'T UNDERSTAND ME ♪

♪ MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ DON'T KNOW MY NAME ♪

♪ BUT I'M STILL THE SAME OLD MAN ♪

♪ I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ♪

♪ MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE ♪

♪ MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE ♪

♪ MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE OF WHAT I'M IN ♪

I WON'T EVEN TRY THAT ANYMORE.

NO, THAT'S I CAN'T I CAN'T

I CAN'T CARRY THE NOTES.

I CAN'T CARRY THE NOTES AT ALL.

[ JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]