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1
00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:22,597
D'oh!
2
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,201
Ha-ha-ha!
3
00:00:41,734 --> 00:00:44,838
And that's why, if you go
to that little town in France,
4
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:47,507
there's a statue of me
surrendering.
5
00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:49,676
See?
6
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:53,346
Wow, Grampa, your stories
are really cool today.
7
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:56,558
Yeah, the nursing home finally
stopped using me as the placebo
8
00:00:56,582 --> 00:00:59,709
and gave me real meds.
9
00:01:03,547 --> 00:01:06,952
But what I really wanted to do
today was to give you this,
10
00:01:06,976 --> 00:01:09,738
my most precious possession.
11
00:01:09,762 --> 00:01:12,240
Open it.
12
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:21,041
It'll explode in just five
seconds if you pull the pin.
13
00:01:21,065 --> 00:01:22,726
Uh-oh. Senior moment!
14
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,419
Put it back! Put it back!
15
00:01:24,443 --> 00:01:26,995
It don't work that way!
It's like having a kid!
16
00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:31,258
- Say your prayers, boy.
- Never!
17
00:01:32,835 --> 00:01:34,146
Hmm?
18
00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:36,746
Ha, ha! I pranked ya.
19
00:01:38,308 --> 00:01:40,319
Grampa, that was hilarious.
20
00:01:40,343 --> 00:01:41,745
I understand if the answer's no,
21
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,438
but can I borrow
your dud grenade?
22
00:01:46,131 --> 00:01:48,160
Aw, he's asleep.
23
00:01:48,184 --> 00:01:50,026
That means yes.
24
00:01:56,141 --> 00:01:58,762
This year, we've just been named
the most sedentary school
25
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,622
- in the state.
- Yay!
26
00:02:00,646 --> 00:02:02,457
Yay!
27
00:02:02,481 --> 00:02:04,509
No. No, no.
Sedentary is a bad thing.
28
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:07,128
Our vocabulary score
was also abysmal.
29
00:02:07,152 --> 00:02:09,014
- Is that a bad...
- It's a bad thing, yes.
30
00:02:09,038 --> 00:02:10,423
- Yay!
- Now to get you kids
31
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,184
up on your feet,
we decided to have
32
00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,928
a two-hour-long sit-down
assembly instead of recess.
33
00:02:14,952 --> 00:02:16,137
No fair!
34
00:02:16,161 --> 00:02:19,140
- Sit down.
- Yes... ma'am.
35
00:02:19,164 --> 00:02:21,193
To kick things off,
please welcome the new mascot
36
00:02:21,217 --> 00:02:24,938
from the town's semi-amateur
hockey team, Vinnie the Vulture.
37
00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:27,565
Yay!
38
00:02:27,589 --> 00:02:29,109
Hey, kids.
39
00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:32,037
Milhouse, you didn't tell me
your dad got another bad job.
40
00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:34,489
Actually, he's the understudy.
41
00:02:34,513 --> 00:02:36,564
The main guy got shingles.
42
00:02:37,975 --> 00:02:39,803
Ugh, there's a bee in my beak!
43
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,830
Okay, taking a break. Ow!
44
00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:44,332
How many... ow! How many stingers
can one be have?!
45
00:02:44,356 --> 00:02:45,976
- God!
- Uh...
46
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,644
How about a little
show-and-tell?
47
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,388
I'll go first!
48
00:02:49,412 --> 00:02:51,798
Don't worry.
49
00:02:51,822 --> 00:02:53,892
It is a live grenade,
but it won't go off
50
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:56,678
as long as you don't
pull the pin out.
51
00:02:56,702 --> 00:02:58,010
Ay, caramba!
52
00:03:03,259 --> 00:03:05,309
Climb in my ass hatch, son.
53
00:03:16,722 --> 00:03:19,325
It was all just a joke.
54
00:03:19,349 --> 00:03:21,369
You monster.
You had me finally believing
55
00:03:21,393 --> 00:03:24,756
the school would be destroyed,
and you took it away.
56
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,709
I didn't think
it was funny either, Bart.
57
00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:31,711
You have no idea
how far up in there I went.
58
00:03:35,073 --> 00:03:38,529
Mom, you heard there was
an emergency and you came?
59
00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:41,106
Oh, well, actually,
I was just having a sleepover
60
00:03:41,130 --> 00:03:43,013
with your uncle...
moustache over there.
61
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,036
Mom,
62
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,947
you promised you'd never show up
at school drunk again.
63
00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:52,400
I'm not gonna lie,
I am in a shame spiral,
64
00:03:52,424 --> 00:03:55,028
hanging out
with lowlifes and bums.
65
00:03:55,052 --> 00:03:56,404
Hey, Gary.
66
00:03:56,428 --> 00:03:58,698
This is to not say my name.
67
00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:00,700
Payday!
68
00:04:00,724 --> 00:04:04,078
Nelson, I'm gonna go take
a nap in your locker.
69
00:04:04,102 --> 00:04:05,327
Freedom!
70
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,229
Son, you forced this man
to jump on the grenade
71
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,047
seconds before I was going to.
72
00:04:14,071 --> 00:04:15,399
Well, Simpson, thanks to you,
73
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,976
now no one can
bring grenades to school.
74
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,596
This time, you will be expelled,
never to return.
75
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,431
Please don't expel him.
76
00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:25,817
He's got nowhere to go.
77
00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:28,228
Bart Simpson,
I hereby declare you...
78
00:04:28,252 --> 00:04:31,081
Wait. I've lived next
to this boy for years.
79
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,158
There's good in him. Let me
work with him after school.
80
00:04:33,182 --> 00:04:34,951
I'll improve him
with the three P's:
81
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,737
persistence, prayer
and persistent prayer.
82
00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:39,447
Oh, God, you're one of those.
83
00:04:39,471 --> 00:04:42,242
- Dear Lord...
- Don't kneel. Don't kneel!
84
00:04:42,266 --> 00:04:44,492
We're in a public school,
for God's sake!
85
00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:47,672
"Engel v. Vitale, 1962.
86
00:04:47,696 --> 00:04:49,841
The Supreme Court
asserts that..."
87
00:04:49,865 --> 00:04:52,677
Superintendent, you are about
to be on the business end
88
00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:54,420
of a prayer chain.
89
00:04:54,444 --> 00:04:56,681
"As a part of
a religious program carried on
90
00:04:56,705 --> 00:04:58,591
by government,
it is a matter of history..."
91
00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:01,686
My love of prayer is reflected
in my chest hair.
92
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:05,265
I appear to be
in the wrong group chat.
93
00:05:05,289 --> 00:05:07,692
"and the judgment of the
Court of Appeals of New York
94
00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,453
is reversed,
and the cause of..."
95
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:10,770
Amen.
96
00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:13,439
Sir, we're up
to 205 verified pray-ers.
97
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:16,126
Do you really want me
to give them your office number?
98
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,191
Hmm? Hmm?
99
00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:22,156
Fine. Stop, please!
I've had enough.
100
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:23,634
We won't expel Bart.
101
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:25,210
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
102
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:28,997
If you supervise this boy,
keeping him away
103
00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:31,642
from the baleful presence
of his father.
104
00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:33,293
Woo-hoo! Win-win!
105
00:05:33,317 --> 00:05:35,979
Bon apr鑚-midi, Bart.
106
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,223
While you get some special help,
107
00:05:38,247 --> 00:05:40,174
I'm hanging
with the French club.
108
00:05:40,198 --> 00:05:41,968
Well, just don't make fun of me
in French.
109
00:05:41,992 --> 00:05:43,820
Vous 黎es un imb馗ile.
110
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,657
Profitez de votre journ馥
avec le Flanders!
111
00:05:46,681 --> 00:05:48,141
A demain.
112
00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:50,184
Ah, nous allons faire
un pique-nique.
113
00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:52,854
Oh! Shut up. Shut up!
114
00:05:52,878 --> 00:05:54,837
Vous ne parlez pas fran軋is?
115
00:06:00,603 --> 00:06:02,247
Isn't it great, son?
116
00:06:02,271 --> 00:06:04,991
Washing dishes can be both
a chore and a meditation.
117
00:06:05,015 --> 00:06:06,843
I do feel kind of at peace.
118
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,328
Uh-oh. Cut myself.
119
00:06:08,352 --> 00:06:10,036
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
120
00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:12,113
Gotcha!
121
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:17,187
I can make that real blood,
you little punk.
122
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,838
What did you say?
123
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:20,524
What I meant to say was,
124
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:23,101
oodily-doodily,
we'll change that atti-toodily.
125
00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:24,177
Fishing?
126
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:25,345
When I didn't take a Ritalin?
127
00:06:25,369 --> 00:06:27,221
- You monster.
- Hush.
128
00:06:27,245 --> 00:06:30,350
If you don't catch something,
we don't eat tonight.
129
00:06:30,374 --> 00:06:31,726
Stupid fishing.
130
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,446
Stupid peace and quiet.
131
00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:36,022
Stupid sunset.
132
00:06:36,046 --> 00:06:37,432
Thinks it has so many colors.
133
00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:40,452
So beautiful and bright
and golden and...
134
00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:43,071
Mind your line, Bart.
You got a nibble.
135
00:06:43,095 --> 00:06:44,881
I've got it!
I've got it!
136
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,367
I murdered a fish.
Me, by myself.
137
00:06:47,391 --> 00:06:48,743
Don't get cocky, son.
138
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:50,962
You've still got to clean it
and eat it.
139
00:06:50,986 --> 00:06:53,373
First things first,
we got to start a fire.
140
00:06:53,397 --> 00:06:55,208
Uh, with what?
141
00:06:55,232 --> 00:06:58,125
We'll build character
by building it ourselves.
142
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,963
Your turn.
143
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,426
Oh, my hands hurt.
144
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,261
There are child labor laws,
you know.
145
00:07:07,285 --> 00:07:09,481
This is the most idiotic...
146
00:07:09,505 --> 00:07:12,765
Ay, caramba!
147
00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:16,436
Ay, caramba...!
148
00:07:17,846 --> 00:07:20,083
- How do you feel?
- Great. But why?
149
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,901
Well, it's called
"accomplishment," son...
150
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:23,403
Something you've earned yourself
151
00:07:23,427 --> 00:07:24,996
that can never be taken
from you.
152
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:26,572
Left-handed handshake.
153
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:28,074
And now that you're on your way,
154
00:07:28,098 --> 00:07:30,410
there's no telling
how far you'll go.
155
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:34,640
♪ Amazing grace ♪
156
00:07:34,664 --> 00:07:39,102
♪ How sweet the sound... ♪
157
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,771
Oh, my goodness.
158
00:07:40,795 --> 00:07:44,090
Our little boy could never sing
like that before.
159
00:07:44,114 --> 00:07:47,132
Well, if you ask me,
he's not doing so well now.
160
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,139
Mm. Remarkable.
161
00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:53,266
I thought the only way
to turn Bart into a little angel
162
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,786
was a downed power line
at a water park.
163
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,270
Ah, you must be so proud.
164
00:07:57,294 --> 00:07:59,289
You really turned
that boy around.
165
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,815
Oh. Well...
166
00:08:00,839 --> 00:08:02,200
Congratulations,
167
00:08:02,224 --> 00:08:03,985
Ned Flanders.
168
00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:05,486
Yeah.
Way to go there, Flanders.
169
00:08:05,510 --> 00:08:07,130
You the man, Ned.
170
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,874
Hey, you can't give him
all the credit.
171
00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:12,199
We're the ones who messed him up
in the first place.
172
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:24,172
Uh, listen, stupid Flanders,
I just want to say thank you,
173
00:08:24,196 --> 00:08:26,841
and if there's anything
I can do for you...
174
00:08:26,865 --> 00:08:28,301
Well, for starters,
you could stop calling me
175
00:08:28,325 --> 00:08:29,510
"stupid Flanders."
176
00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:31,179
Oh, here we go.
177
00:08:31,203 --> 00:08:32,203
No, that's it.
178
00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,326
Thank you, Flanders.
179
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,661
Was that so hard?
180
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:40,094
He was laughing
under that mustache.
181
00:08:41,546 --> 00:08:43,166
Bah?
182
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,358
What are you doing here?
183
00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:46,152
Bart's actually doing
math homework.
184
00:08:46,176 --> 00:08:48,196
I wanted to see it for myself.
185
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,322
Bup-up-up-up!
186
00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:52,033
Listen, I can help my own kid.
187
00:08:52,057 --> 00:08:53,868
Uh, let's see.
188
00:08:53,892 --> 00:08:57,347
Four and two-thirds
plus five-sixths equals,
189
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:00,374
uh, uh, carry the math...
190
00:09:00,398 --> 00:09:01,542
And, uh...
191
00:09:01,566 --> 00:09:03,692
Oh, no! The dog ate it!
192
00:09:06,404 --> 00:09:08,716
It's okay, Dad. I finished it.
193
00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:10,343
With Mr. Flanders' help.
194
00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:13,605
Well, it looks like I'm useless.
195
00:09:13,629 --> 00:09:16,764
Let me just walk away
with my dignity.
196
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:24,875
♪ Who can I turn to ♪
197
00:09:24,899 --> 00:09:28,620
♪ When nobody needs me? ♪
198
00:09:28,644 --> 00:09:30,611
My son doesn't love me.
199
00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:40,246
You don't get me at all.
200
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,590
- Hey, kid. I'm sad, too.
- Hmm?
201
00:09:49,614 --> 00:09:50,665
Haw-haw!
202
00:09:52,784 --> 00:09:54,387
You shouldn't be out here alone.
203
00:09:54,411 --> 00:09:56,981
Oh, nobody cares.
204
00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,224
My dad left.
205
00:09:58,248 --> 00:10:00,243
My mom's a drunk.
206
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,655
My house is a trailer,
and all the wheels are flat.
207
00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:06,491
My last solid food
was an ice cube.
208
00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:10,444
My TV is a milk crate
with a squirrel in it.
209
00:10:10,468 --> 00:10:12,330
This kid is such a wreck,
210
00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:13,924
even I could help him.
211
00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:17,358
Which I could use
to get back at Bart.
212
00:10:20,604 --> 00:10:23,416
I get my hair cut
by hiding in the bushes
213
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,294
when the gardener comes by.
214
00:10:26,318 --> 00:10:27,318
Am I gonna do it?
215
00:10:29,321 --> 00:10:32,258
Is it wrong to take advantage
of one child's feelings
216
00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:34,635
to make another child feel ba?
217
00:10:34,659 --> 00:10:37,021
Nobody has the answer to that.
218
00:10:37,045 --> 00:10:39,163
Here, son. Let me help.
219
00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:46,128
Okay, okay. Enough snot.
220
00:10:51,343 --> 00:10:52,963
Mmm. Mmm!
221
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:55,874
Say, uh, listen, kid,
how would you like a mentor?
222
00:10:55,898 --> 00:10:57,634
What's a mentor?
223
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,378
A mentor is
a special kind of teacher.
224
00:11:00,402 --> 00:11:02,121
But you don't know nothing.
225
00:11:02,145 --> 00:11:03,831
Hey, there's lots
I can teach you.
226
00:11:03,855 --> 00:11:06,000
How to steal filling from a pie.
227
00:11:06,024 --> 00:11:07,811
How to get cookies
without giving blood.
228
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,179
How to use spearmint gum
as a deodorant.
229
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,649
And maybe I'll get someone
to fix your teeth.
230
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,634
There's a doctor for your teeth?
231
00:11:14,658 --> 00:11:15,676
Mm-hmm.
232
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:16,844
Wow.
233
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:19,656
Can you teach me
how to do this maze?
234
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,492
Well, it'll be a project
we can work on together.
235
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:23,976
Cool.
236
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,643
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm out of ketchup.
237
00:11:28,046 --> 00:11:29,690
I'll give it back
238
00:11:29,714 --> 00:11:32,099
when I'm done.
239
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,080
Hello, Bart.
240
00:11:36,104 --> 00:11:39,033
Just wanted you to know
I'm going to Nelson's house.
241
00:11:39,057 --> 00:11:42,012
We're close. Super close.
242
00:11:42,036 --> 00:11:44,497
First of all, Dad,
you called me.
243
00:11:44,521 --> 00:11:47,208
And second,
are you mentoring Nelson
244
00:11:47,232 --> 00:11:49,210
just to get back at Bart?
245
00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:51,170
No! No way!
246
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:54,379
But if you happen to see Bart,
show him these.
247
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:04,725
Okay, kid,
I'm gonna teach you how to pack
248
00:12:04,749 --> 00:12:07,019
for when your wife
kicks you out of the house.
249
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,355
Are the clothes thrown out
onto the front yard?
250
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:11,950
Well, let's say you have
enough time to get a suitcase.
251
00:12:11,974 --> 00:12:13,284
What's a suitcase?
252
00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:16,070
Uh, all right,
let's move on to something else.
253
00:12:16,094 --> 00:12:19,791
Okay, but first I got to ask:
Are you sleeping with my mom?!
254
00:12:19,815 --> 00:12:21,384
- No.
- Oh.
255
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,492
No one's ever said that!
256
00:12:26,438 --> 00:12:28,582
That's what
we're going for, boys.
257
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:31,227
I can't believe we're gonna be
in the pride parade.
258
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,729
Christian pride.
259
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:35,881
Finally, Christians
can openly show our faith.
260
00:12:35,905 --> 00:12:38,050
We're sure! We're pure!
261
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,402
Get used to it!
262
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,237
Hey, Bart.
263
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,573
Look who I taught
how to ride a bike.
264
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,599
Nelson already knew
how to ride a bike.
265
00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:48,917
Yeah, but he didn't know how
to make cool motorcycle noises.
266
00:13:01,431 --> 00:13:04,243
Uh, let me help you
back on your hog.
267
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:07,788
Me and Nelson are so close,
people are calling us "Homeson."
268
00:13:07,812 --> 00:13:09,938
Homeson away!
269
00:13:12,984 --> 00:13:14,771
Homeson!
270
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,773
Vroom.
271
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,775
Mom, are you seeing all this?
272
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,801
- Yes.
- Are you gonna do anything?
273
00:13:20,825 --> 00:13:22,854
- No.
- Why not?
274
00:13:22,878 --> 00:13:24,972
This is a complicated one.
275
00:13:24,996 --> 00:13:27,266
Both boys are being helped.
276
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:31,103
What I'm trying to say is
it's time to change Maggie.
277
00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:33,145
Where are you, my little excuse?
278
00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:37,524
Sorry!
279
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,971
Dad, what exactly
are you teaching Nelson?
280
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:48,995
Uh...
281
00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:51,716
Banking.
282
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:52,873
Aiming for success.
283
00:13:55,026 --> 00:13:57,085
And breaking into
the music industry.
284
00:13:58,196 --> 00:13:59,057
Here's $40.
285
00:13:59,081 --> 00:14:00,984
That's a lot of money to me.
286
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,729
But I want you to get some
therapy about what you're doing.
287
00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:07,565
40 bucks' worth of therapy
coming up.
288
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:09,400
From a licensed therapist.
289
00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,477
Moe has a liquor license.
290
00:14:11,501 --> 00:14:14,188
Yeah, let's not discuss that
too much.
291
00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:16,190
Take the money.
Get some help.
292
00:14:16,214 --> 00:14:18,692
Why are you doing this?
293
00:14:18,716 --> 00:14:21,153
Dad, I have to be
the voice of morality.
294
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:22,705
No, you don't.
295
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:25,083
Well, I like being
the voice of morality.
296
00:14:25,107 --> 00:14:28,702
And I like believing
this role has not typecast me!
297
00:14:28,726 --> 00:14:31,347
I can still do Shakespeare!
298
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:35,042
All that glitters
is not delicious Duff Gold!
299
00:14:35,066 --> 00:14:36,761
To pee or not to pee!
300
00:14:36,785 --> 00:14:38,337
There is no question!
301
00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:39,856
Oh, no!
302
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,130
Excuse me. Got to pee.
303
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,196
Doc,
304
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,888
I see it all so clearly now.
305
00:14:47,912 --> 00:14:51,367
I'm afraid of success because
my father never had time for me.
306
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,060
- Which means...
- Time's up.
307
00:14:53,084 --> 00:14:55,396
- But two more minutes...
- It's not a breakthrough.
308
00:14:55,420 --> 00:14:58,208
Ah, now I feel worse
than when I came in.
309
00:14:58,232 --> 00:14:59,856
See you next month.
310
00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:03,713
Okay. 40 bucks
gets you ten minutes. Go!
311
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,716
I was mentoring another kid
to make my son jealous,
312
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,742
and something weird happened.
313
00:15:08,766 --> 00:15:11,245
I'm actually starting to like
the little dingus.
314
00:15:11,269 --> 00:15:12,371
Help me.
315
00:15:12,395 --> 00:15:14,298
I am appalled!
316
00:15:14,322 --> 00:15:18,043
You are ruining two boys' lives
for your own petty ego.
317
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:20,230
Let me tell you
what a good therapist says.
318
00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:23,975
A good therapist says,
"Whatever you do is right"!
319
00:15:23,999 --> 00:15:25,439
- That's only if you're rich.
- D'oh!
320
00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:30,907
Mentor entering!
321
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,433
Hey, Homer, honey.
322
00:15:32,457 --> 00:15:34,410
Come on,
spend a minute with Mama.
323
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,770
Look, lady,
I'm not interested in...
324
00:15:36,794 --> 00:15:38,414
- What the...?
- I know.
325
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,583
You're just spending time
with my son
326
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,661
to make your son jealous.
327
00:15:43,685 --> 00:15:47,804
Sooner or later, you're gonna
leave him, like all the rest.
328
00:15:56,314 --> 00:15:57,439
Mm-hmm.
329
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,294
And it'll break his heart.
330
00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:02,438
Hey, I'm not here
to save the world.
331
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,630
I'm a mentor.
I come in, I ment, then I go.
332
00:16:12,330 --> 00:16:13,956
Tell that boy the truth.
333
00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:22,816
Son, we need to talk.
334
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,486
No. No.
I know where this goes.
335
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:27,705
It ends with you giving me
a phone number
336
00:16:27,729 --> 00:16:29,707
that starts with 555.
337
00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:31,116
No! Wait!
338
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:32,574
What do you have to say?
339
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,379
I was only mentoring you
340
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:38,474
to punish my son
for becoming a better boy.
341
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,760
- I knew it!
- Where are you going?
342
00:16:40,784 --> 00:16:42,979
I'm gonna get even.
I can't make you stay,
343
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,890
but I can take it out
on your kid.
344
00:16:45,914 --> 00:16:48,532
Not Bart! I do love him!
345
00:17:06,752 --> 00:17:08,579
We're Christians! We're proud!
346
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:10,673
But don't say it too loud.
347
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:13,826
Holding hands are holy hands.
348
00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:15,869
Ew. Are you wearing lotion?
349
00:17:15,893 --> 00:17:17,847
I'm very chappy.
350
00:17:51,429 --> 00:17:54,384
Uh, welcome, er, uh, Christians.
351
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:57,036
God is pleased to thank
our corporate sponsor,
352
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:58,685
C. Montgomery Burns.
353
00:17:59,937 --> 00:18:01,749
Why won't you die?
354
00:18:01,773 --> 00:18:04,302
Mr. Burns
will take questions later.
355
00:18:04,326 --> 00:18:07,138
Er, uh, thanks
to this magnificent parade,
356
00:18:07,162 --> 00:18:10,975
you right-wing ding-dongs
will keep me in office forever.
357
00:18:10,999 --> 00:18:12,048
Yay!
358
00:18:14,452 --> 00:18:17,222
And now, at the spectacular
culmination of the parade,
359
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:20,076
when the final float
has safely cleared the route,
360
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,153
a giant pair of praying hands
361
00:18:22,177 --> 00:18:24,414
will swing from
the sides of the street
362
00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:27,147
and come together in holy union.
363
00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,239
He's gonna crush Bart!
364
00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:35,591
Where's Flanders now?
365
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,427
Right here.
What do you need?
366
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:39,411
Get away from me!
367
00:18:54,992 --> 00:18:58,453
No...!
368
00:19:05,336 --> 00:19:06,956
Hi, Dad.
369
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:10,109
Son, you want to ride
in the ambulance together?
370
00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:12,317
Aw. That's always
been our thing.
371
00:19:14,062 --> 00:19:15,195
Aw.
372
00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:20,160
- Dad?
- Yes, son?
373
00:19:20,184 --> 00:19:22,454
Can I have a hit
off your oxygen?
374
00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:24,354
Of course.
375
00:19:26,023 --> 00:19:27,551
I'm a great dad.
376
00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:39,230
I'm sorry I was using you.
You're a sweet kid.
377
00:19:39,254 --> 00:19:41,657
One day we'll have a beer
about this and laugh.
378
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,350
- Can it be tomorrow?
- Sure.
379
00:19:43,374 --> 00:19:46,979
But for today,
I know a certain stupid someone
380
00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:50,505
who might be a little better
at this than me.
381
00:19:54,102 --> 00:19:56,989
- What's the matter, son?
- Ah, you wouldn't understand.
382
00:19:57,013 --> 00:19:58,866
A rich church usher like you.
383
00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:00,993
Hey, I got two troublemakers
of my own.
384
00:20:01,017 --> 00:20:02,920
Who told you boys
you could clean up this dump?
385
00:20:02,944 --> 00:20:04,238
No one.
386
00:20:04,262 --> 00:20:06,090
I think I just might understand
how you feel.
387
00:20:06,114 --> 00:20:08,709
You lost a dad.
I lost two Mrs. Flanderses.
388
00:20:08,733 --> 00:20:11,187
Maybe my boys and I could take
you to a ball game sometime.
389
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,189
- What do you say?
- Papa!
390
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,175
Yay! We have a brother!
391
00:20:16,199 --> 00:20:18,508
- Mean foster brother.
- ROD and TODD: Yay!
392
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,351
God bless Rod and Todd and
especially my wonderful mentor,
393
00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:28,061
Mr. Flanders.
394
00:20:28,085 --> 00:20:29,372
Amen.
395
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,896
Let me get fresh napkins
for everyone.
396
00:20:32,757 --> 00:20:34,268
Hey, how's it going?
397
00:20:34,292 --> 00:20:37,788
Still can't believe you've
renounced the way of the bully.
398
00:20:37,812 --> 00:20:40,363
Eh, what can I say?
People change.
399
00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:43,575
Thaw-thaw!
400
00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:53,563
Tell me again, why did I
trade Flanders for you?
401
00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:56,048
Because we can do this.
402
00:20:56,072 --> 00:20:57,423
Ow!
403
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:11,227
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
404
00:21:29,105 --> 00:21:37,105
Shh!
28886
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