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1
00:00:08,747 --> 00:00:09,922
Previously onMom...
2
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:10,923
I just got a text from my son.
3
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,447
He hasn't spoken to me in years.
4
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:15,102
I chose booze over my own son.
5
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:17,060
Marjorie would love to babysit.
6
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,322
Well, that's too bad.
7
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:20,107
She's made her choices,
and I've made mine.
8
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,196
Jerry decided that
he wants his daughter
9
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,894
to have a relationship
with her grandma.
10
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,765
Hey.Hey.
11
00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:28,202
Your husband's a dick.
12
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,031
Fine. And you?
13
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,294
Out of nowhere, Adam said
14
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,122
I'm not allowed in
his office anymore.
15
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,037
Well, he is a little funny
about his privacy.
16
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,039
You know I'm not allowed
in his jacket pockets?
17
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,041
We're married,
and I can't have a Tic Tac?
18
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:43,043
Hmm.
Or a twenty.
19
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,001
I've worked at the
bar for over a year.
20
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,090
Obviously, it's 'cause
I'm an ex-con.
21
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,483
You want me to talk
to him for you?
22
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,920
I'll probably forget,
but I'm happy to offer.No.
23
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:52,487
I'm just gonna act
like I'm over it,
24
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,141
and really resent him
behind his back.
25
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:55,664
That's what I do.Mm.
26
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:57,927
Thank you, Ginny.
27
00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,450
This is perfect.
28
00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,017
What's with the
baby bouncer?
29
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,280
Is Majorie treating her
cats like people again?
30
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:06,327
I mean, the stroller was
embarrassing enough.
31
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,938
She's babysitting
her granddaughter tomorrow.
32
00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,026
That's huge!
33
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,723
How come nobody told me?
34
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,943
She didtell you.
She told all of us.
35
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,772
Yeah, we talked about it
for most of lunch the other day.
36
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:18,513
Well, I must've been
in the bathroom.
37
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:22,169
No, you were there, and
engaged in the conversation.
38
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:24,127
Really?
Yeah, you told her
you didn't think
39
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,259
she was ready for it.
40
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,087
Then you ate my fries,
and told Wendy
41
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:29,263
her blouse was sadder
than The Notebook.
42
00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,179
Oh. That sounds like me.
43
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,745
Look what Ginny lent me.
44
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,051
I know, because
you're babysitting
45
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,879
your granddaughter
tomorrow. I remember.
46
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:39,751
How? You weren't even
at lunch when I told everybody.
47
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:42,537
You are both mean.
48
00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:47,107
[quietly]:
Ooh. I had so much fun
messing with her head.
49
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,630
Can we make that
a new thing?
50
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:50,110
Let's make that
our new thing.
51
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:53,069
Oh, you don't have much
going on, do you?
52
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:56,855
♪
53
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,605
Okay, uh, we both have
our cell phones,
54
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:10,347
but just in case, I'm sending
you the numbers to the church,
55
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,175
the reception hall
and the bride and groom.
56
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,916
Please don't call
the bride and groom.
57
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,570
I won't.[Sophia babbles]
58
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:18,877
Don't worry.
Sophia and I are gonna be fine.
59
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,183
Hear that?
Let's go.I just...
60
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:22,011
I want to cover everything
in the diaper bag.
61
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:25,188
Let's go. I haven't had
a drink in 17 months.
62
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:28,583
If we're bragging,
I haven't had one in 38 years.
63
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,062
Should we leave her
the car seat?
64
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:32,195
Actually, I bought one.
65
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:33,283
Oh, all right.
66
00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:35,155
Uh, well, then
let me double-check it
67
00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:38,027
'cause 74% of car seats
are installed wrong.
68
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:40,334
I had it installed
at the fire station.
69
00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:41,987
We didn't
even do that.
70
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:43,380
Thank you,
Marjorie.
71
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:44,773
Mm-hmm.[gasps]
72
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:48,211
Goodbye, smushie.
I love you somuch.
73
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,386
Jerry, get in the car.
74
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:50,648
Okay.
75
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,694
Have a nice time.
76
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:56,393
Okay.
77
00:02:56,437 --> 00:03:00,223
You and Grandma
are gonna have fun today.
78
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,007
Let me show you around my house.
79
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,227
Okay, this is the kitchen,
80
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:08,188
and this is the living room.
81
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,627
And that's cat barf
I just stepped in.
82
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:15,151
Oh, which one of you did this?
83
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,328
We're gonna have
to interrogate the cats.
84
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:22,158
Thank you so much.
85
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,900
I've never seen
Boz Scaggs this sick.
86
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:29,121
All right, so, Dr. Feeny doesn't
work on the weekends, so,
87
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,689
if they say that
it's his liver, it's not.
88
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,256
Those enzymes
are always elevated.
89
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:36,694
And if they try to give him
amoxicillin, that is a big "no."
90
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:37,869
Marjorie?
91
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:39,480
Mm. You're right.
92
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,133
You can handle it.
93
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,223
Actually, I was gonna
say I can'thandle it.
94
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:46,269
How about I stay
here with the baby,
95
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,097
and you take the
cat to the vet?
96
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:51,796
No. This is the first time
my son is leaving her with me,
97
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,102
and if anything happened...Hey.
98
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,365
I kept two kids alive.
99
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:58,063
They're not really talking
to me, but they're alive.
100
00:03:58,107 --> 00:04:00,240
[Boz Scaggs yowls]Okay.
101
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,806
Mm-hmm.Okay.
102
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:04,113
I'll be right back.
103
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,854
Call me if you need me.
104
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,508
Oh, oh, oh, I'm
blocking you in.
105
00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,205
Here. Oh, just take my car.
106
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,076
Oh.
107
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,515
You know we'll never be able
to do that again.
108
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,952
Why would we need to?
109
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,086
Bye, Sophia.
110
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,045
Hi.
111
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,873
[laughs]
112
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,310
My name is Christy,
and I'm an alcoholic
113
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,965
and a gambler
and a natural blonde.
114
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,314
[laughs]
115
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,403
Two truths and a lie.
116
00:04:35,231 --> 00:04:37,712
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Have you seen this one?
117
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:41,063
Wait. Where'd I go?
118
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:42,282
Here I am!
119
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,110
[sneezes]
120
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,809
Oh. Oh, no, no.
121
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,811
Don't-don't worry.
I'm not sick.
122
00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:53,031
I'm just very allergic to
kittens, and like a silly willy,
123
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:56,208
I forgot to bring my medication.
[laughs]
124
00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:57,601
Oh. Mm.
125
00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,168
[Sophia laughs]
126
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:01,823
Oh, you like that?
127
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:05,000
[laughing]
128
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,523
Yeah.
129
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,090
Ooh. Wait.
130
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,178
[laughing]
131
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:11,223
Yeah. Uh-huh.
132
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:15,053
Ah.[laughing]
133
00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:18,448
[sniffs, sighs]
134
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:21,799
Uh-oh. All gone. [laughs]
135
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,105
[crying]
136
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,933
Oh, no. No, don't cry.
Don't cry.
137
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:26,064
There's another box.
138
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,283
[laughs]
139
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,676
No, there isn't.
140
00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,025
[crying]
141
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,156
Uh, um... Ah!
142
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,028
Ha. We'll start over.
143
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,421
Mm. Yeah.[crying continues]
144
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,074
Ooh. Ah.
145
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,772
[cries loudly]
146
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:41,776
Come on. It's the same thing
we've been doing for an hour.
147
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:44,300
Or ten minutes.
Oh, my God.
148
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,346
[sneezes]
149
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,392
Ugh. Ah.
150
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:52,047
All right, I got what I need.
151
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,353
[sniffles]
152
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:56,399
Ah. Oh, look.
It's our favorite game. [laughs]
153
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:57,661
[sniffles]
154
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,054
Ah.
155
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,972
Oh, no. That's my mean
law school professor.
156
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,408
[sniffles]
157
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:08,106
Well, they're all mean,
but she makes the boys cry.
158
00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:12,241
Let's pretend to look
at the stool softener.
159
00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:14,025
Mm-hmm.Excuse me.
160
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,158
Aren't you in my
administrative law class?
161
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,899
Ah. [sniffles]
162
00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:20,075
Professor Winslow,
I-I didn't see you.
163
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,555
Yes. [sniffles]
164
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,165
You look awful.
165
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:25,776
Thank you.
166
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,039
I didn't realize
you had a baby.
167
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:32,304
If I'd done law school
with a baby, I'd be dead.
168
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,568
Oh, well, no, she's not...
169
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,570
Well...
170
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,746
it is hard.
171
00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,617
So this is why
172
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:44,099
you're always late and
distracted and unprepared?
173
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:47,015
That's what you get
for trying to have it all.
174
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,888
Well, I didn't realize
what you were dealing with.
175
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:53,761
But I'm gonna be more
patient with your mommy
176
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:56,154
now that I realize
why she's such a mess.
177
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,244
Hang in there.
178
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:02,073
I will!
179
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,336
[laughs, sniffles]
180
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,601
Where was this treatment when
I got pregnant in high school?
181
00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:14,216
Got your text.
What's going on?
182
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:17,915
[sighs]
I thought I was having
an allergy attack,
183
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,874
but I think
I'm coming down with something.
184
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,442
[sniffles] You can't catch
anything from a cat, right?
185
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,966
What were you doing with it?
186
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:27,969
Just take over with the baby.All right.
187
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,013
All right, step aside.
188
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,059
Let me show you
how this is done.
189
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,453
40 years late, but okay.
190
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:36,760
Hey, I did something
191
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:39,197
morally questionable.
192
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,112
Is this about the cat again?
193
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:44,202
I ran into my professor
at the pharmacy
194
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:46,553
and let her believe
Sophia's my baby,
195
00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:49,207
and now she thinks
I have a super hard life,
196
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:50,861
and she's gonna give
me special treatment.
197
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:53,647
Hit me with
the morally questionable part.
198
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,997
That's it. I lied to her.
199
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,651
First of all, that sounds
like a lie of omission,
200
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,087
and nobody counts those.
201
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,002
But more importantly,
your life ishard.
202
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,830
Yeah, but I don't
have a baby.
203
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,092
So your life is hard
in different ways.
204
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:07,269
You've got, like, 27 addictions
and 12 jobs.
205
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:09,314
Okay, it's only
two addictions.
206
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,534
That we know about.
207
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,884
Honey, your life is a crapfest
208
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:17,279
wrapped in a nightmare
on top of a dumpster fire.
209
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:20,935
Great. Now
I'm sick andsad.
210
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,153
[sniffles]
211
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,373
Marjorie has my car.
Give me your keys.
212
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,506
Don't wreck my car.[groans]
213
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:29,030
Don't leave her
in a basket at the laundromat.
214
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,336
Oh, come on! Aren't we laughing
about that yet?
215
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,382
We are not.
216
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:37,081
Wecan laugh about it.
217
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:40,345
Okay, we've been through
all your grandma's
218
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:42,304
drawers and closets,
219
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:45,394
so we're officially
out of things to do.
220
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:47,265
Mm.
221
00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:51,879
By the way, women's underpants
don't all look like that.
222
00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:54,142
But if you're curious
about how people dressed
223
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:56,057
in pioneer days, you're welcome.
224
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,625
[Bonnie chuckles]
225
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,846
♪ Ooh, do-do-do,
doo-dee, boo. ♪
226
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:05,196
What to do?
227
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,636
See, this is what we needed.
228
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,378
A little fresh air,
change of scenery.
229
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:14,989
Ah, look!
230
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:17,034
I got hammered at that winery.
231
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:20,385
And that one.
232
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:23,867
Ooh, did coke behind that one
with a gentleman in long boots.
233
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,565
[laughs]
234
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,351
Don't look at me
with that judgy face.
235
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:34,008
Damn, it's so adorable. Hmm.
236
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,924
I should have spent more time
looking at Christy's face
237
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:39,013
when she was a baby.
238
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,102
I bet it was cute.
239
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:43,800
Ah, gettin' sad.
240
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,715
Let's crank some tunes.
241
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,630
[Gloria Stefan and Miami Sound
Machine's "Conga" plays]
242
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:48,979
Ooh!
♪ Do the conga
243
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,025
♪ No, you can't
control your body any longer ♪
244
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,636
♪ Hoop-ah, ta-ta, ta-ta,
da-da, bah-boo ♪
245
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,420
♪ Bah, dee-dee-dee,
do the bomba ♪
246
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,597
[trills loudly]
247
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,511
Yeah! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Oh!
248
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:01,165
[instrumental interlude plays]
249
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,690
Oh! Aw, damn!
250
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:09,043
Oh.
251
00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:11,698
[fake cries]
252
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,701
You feel like
helping me change a tire?
253
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,530
Don't pretend to be asleep.
254
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:28,671
[sighs]
255
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:32,980
Are you kidding me?
256
00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:35,504
[sighs]
Great, Marjorie, no spare tire,
257
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:39,203
but you got
an emergency Christmas sweater.
258
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:43,991
[handle clacking]
259
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,688
Oh, no.
260
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:46,950
No, no.
261
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,256
No, no, no, no, no, no.
262
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:51,781
Oh.
263
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,391
Sophia?
264
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,263
See the little button?
265
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:56,960
Open the door.
266
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,701
Do you know "open"?
267
00:10:58,745 --> 00:10:59,920
Waah!
268
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:02,183
Oh. Don't laugh at me.
269
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,489
I'm trying to help you.
270
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:08,102
Oh, no. Oh, my God,
I'm failing another baby.
271
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,581
Okay, don't panic.
272
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:12,019
Just think. Just think.
273
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:19,069
Bad idea.
274
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,898
Look at me know it's a bad idea
before I did it.
275
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,160
Okay.
276
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,292
Oh.
277
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:29,950
Don't worry.
278
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:33,344
Aunt Bonnie knows
how to break into cars.
279
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,478
Stop with the judgy face.
280
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,834
[gasps]
Better.
281
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,751
Yes!
282
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:52,102
Here's Bonnie!
283
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:53,974
[Bonnie giggles]
284
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,758
Hey.
[chuckles]
285
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,194
Ooh.
286
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:00,415
Hold on.
287
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,290
I... am...
288
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,075
amazing!
289
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,122
And stuck in a trunk.
290
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,167
♪
291
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:21,175
♪ Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream ♪
292
00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:22,742
♪ Merrily, merrily, merri...
293
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,875
How the hell
did you manage this?
294
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,443
Why do you assume
it was my fault?
295
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:33,753
♪
296
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:37,060
Isn't this more fun than waiting
back there for a tow truck?
297
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,585
[Looney Tunes music plays]
298
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,544
You are gonna love Bugs Bunny.
299
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:45,416
I used to watch it all the time
when I was a kid.
300
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,767
And sometimes in college
when I was hi...
301
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:49,594
hey, baby.
302
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:52,510
[cartoon gunshots]
303
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,164
Huh.
304
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:57,167
I don't remember them shooting
each other in the face so much.
305
00:12:57,211 --> 00:13:00,083
Oh, my God. He just picked
his mouth up off the floor
306
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,737
and stuck it back on.
307
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,261
I'm just gonna turn this off.
308
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,785
[sighs]
309
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,612
You are so sweet.
310
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:08,962
And your skin is flawless.
311
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,746
Do you have a specific routine,
312
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,489
or is it just not having been
on Earth very long?
313
00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:17,535
You're right.
A lady never tells.
314
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,411
[speaking baby talk]
315
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:27,458
Oh, I want one of you so bad.
316
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,599
♪
317
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:41,733
Hey, ladies.
318
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:44,084
Oh, Jill, you didn't
steal a baby.
319
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,825
It's Marjorie's granddaughter,
320
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,696
but I'm kind of pretending
like she's mine.
321
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:50,133
Ooh, it's cold in here.
Could you hold her for a second
322
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,134
while I grab her hat?
323
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,049
Ugh, no.
Not a fan.
324
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,183
You're a nurse.
325
00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:58,141
Of adults.
326
00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:00,056
What is the matter with you?
327
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:03,146
Babies are the most precious
things in the world.
328
00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:05,366
[sighs]
329
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,498
And I am never gonna have one.
330
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:09,196
Oh, you don't know that.
331
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,676
It's starting to feel that way.
332
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,069
[sighs]
333
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:16,072
And I've been doing my best
to put on a brave face,
334
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,770
but then this little bundle
of joy lands in my lap,
335
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:20,990
and I can't hold it
together anymore.
336
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,557
[sniffles]
337
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,168
Can somebody please take the
baby so I could get her hat!
338
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,561
You do it.I don't know,
339
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,693
I'm not really into babies.
340
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,521
Look at the baby!
341
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:32,915
[Tammy chuckles]
342
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,222
You don't think
she smells weird?
343
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,923
I know I'm supposed to trust
that my higher power has a plan,
344
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,664
but... I'm not really interested
345
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:45,406
if that plan doesn't
include me being a mother.
346
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:46,973
Aw.
347
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,063
See?
348
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:52,065
Adults I'm good with.
349
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,196
[Sophia crying]
350
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,720
Here. I'll
take her outside.
351
00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,157
No, you need to be
here more than me.
352
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,462
I was just gonna
bitch about Adam.
353
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,116
You're having
a breakdown.
354
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,814
[crying]: But she could still be
my baby for a few more hours.
355
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:05,078
Ooh. Yikes. Listen. Wendy,
you start the meeting.
356
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:07,254
I'm gonna take her
back to Marjorie's.Okay.
357
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,821
Ugh. The little hands.
358
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,649
♪
359
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,002
Look at you so tiny.
360
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,004
Just starting out.
361
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:20,963
Good news:
it's a great time to be a woman.
362
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,617
You can be fierce now.
363
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:26,012
You don't have to take
C-R-A-P from anybody.
364
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,188
You can speak your mind.
365
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:31,452
You can tell a guy
when he's being a D-I-C-K.
366
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:35,586
Know what?
We're gonna make one stop.
367
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,850
♪
368
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,679
I quit.What?
369
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:43,507
Whose baby is that?
370
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,596
Don't change the subject.
I can't work for someone
371
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,989
who doesn't trust me.
372
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,730
Who doesn't trust you?
Whose baby is that?
373
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,993
You don't trust me.
You banned me from your office.
374
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,082
I mean, I get it.
Don't trust the ex-con.
375
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:54,475
We don't deserve
a second chance.
376
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:55,998
Why let us out at all?
377
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,131
Okay, here's a little something
I learned at home.
378
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,002
Do you need a meeting?
379
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,786
Oh, 'cause I'm feeling
my feelings?
380
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,006
Tammy, I told everyone
to stay out of my office.
381
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,094
You did?Yeah.
382
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,009
Why?'Cause I don't trust Joe yet,
383
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,055
and I didn't want
to single him out.
384
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:12,058
Oh, yeah, Joe's super creepy.
385
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:14,016
Why'd you hire him
in the first place?
386
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,410
'Cause he's an ex-con, and
I'm trying to give him a break.
387
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:19,108
Oh. Well,
I feel a little foolish.
388
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,112
Do you want to un-quit?
389
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:25,027
Yes, please.
And now that I'm back,Okay.
390
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,029
can I get some
free employee wings?
391
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,683
[slurring]:
Hello, baby.
392
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:33,079
Never mind.
We're leaving.
393
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:33,993
Well...
394
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:35,559
whose baby is that?
395
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:37,997
♪
396
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,389
We're home.
397
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:42,610
Christy?
398
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:46,135
Sophia?
399
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,487
Christy?
400
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:57,103
[ringtone playing]
401
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,019
[groans softly]
402
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,543
Hello?
403
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,023
Where are you?
404
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,328
I don't know.
405
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,113
Where is Sophia?
406
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:10,942
She's with my mom
at your house.
407
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:13,641
I'm at my house.
No one's here.
408
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:16,905
Hold on. I'll-I'll
conference her in.
409
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,690
[ringtone plays]
410
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,127
Go for Bonnie.
411
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,302
Where are you?
412
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:23,738
I'm on the side of the road
413
00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:25,479
watching Arlo change a tire.
414
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:26,480
What?What?
415
00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:28,134
Where is the baby?Hey, Marjorie.
416
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,136
She's at your
house with Jill.
417
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:33,052
I'm at my house.
There's no one here.
418
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,097
Let me
conference her in.
419
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,446
[phone rings]
420
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:37,795
Hello?
421
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,449
Where are you?Oh. Leaving a meeting.
422
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:41,060
Where is my granddaughter?
423
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:43,149
Well, Tammy brought her
back to your house,
424
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,325
because I was having
a bit of a meltdown.
425
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,153
No good comes from babies.
426
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,980
Tammy's not here.
427
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:51,200
All conference her in.
428
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:52,593
[phone rings]
429
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:53,985
Hello?
430
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:55,465
Where's Sophia?
Where are you?Where's the baby?
431
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:58,294
Is this a conference call?
I've never been on one of those.
432
00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:00,470
Just tell me
where you are.
433
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,124
I'm in your living room.
434
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:03,908
OTHERS:
No, you aren't!
No, you're not!
435
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:05,693
Wait. Yes, you are.
436
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,216
Goodbye.
437
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:11,133
Oh... ah...
438
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:15,137
There's my beautiful girl!
439
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,573
She prefers "fierce woman."
440
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:19,054
Also, if you blow on her belly,
she giggles.
441
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,925
Then again, who doesn't?
442
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:23,189
♪
443
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,064
[doorbell rings]
444
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,849
Hi. How was the wedding?
445
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:34,025
It was great.
Where's Sophia?
446
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:35,766
Right there. Hi!
447
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:38,160
We had the best time!
448
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:41,816
We danced.
People filled my wineglass.
449
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,732
No one bit down on my nipple.
450
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,995
Oh, I'm so glad.
451
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:50,390
Sophia and I had a
wonderful day, too.
452
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,001
You know, I got to admit, I was
little nervous about this,
453
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,133
but you really came through.
454
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,657
You're the best.Oh. [laughs]
455
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,049
You really have changed.
456
00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,616
That means a lot.
457
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:03,620
So, um, maybe we
can do this again sometime.
458
00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:05,579
I would love that.I would love that.
459
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:09,060
[sighs]:
Okay.
460
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:14,283
Jerry. Wait.
461
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,112
Um...
462
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,027
I didn't exactly
do this alone today.
463
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:22,248
Uh, I had to take
a sick cat to the vet,
464
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:25,120
so I left Sophia
with Christy,
465
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,036
and then Christy
came down with a cold,
466
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:31,257
so she gave Sophia
to her mom, and...
467
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,259
Basically, everyone
on my speed dial
468
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:36,349
took care
of your daughter today.
469
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,525
But I guarantee you
470
00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:40,091
she was safe and loved
471
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,746
the entire time.
472
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:44,835
Although she
did go to a bar
473
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:47,055
and attend
her first AA meeting.
474
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,232
[sighs]
475
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,017
I-I can't believe
you told me all that.
476
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:56,804
Well... it's just,
it took so long
477
00:19:56,847 --> 00:20:00,111
to get you back in my life--
I want to be completely honest.
478
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:03,593
I appreciate that.
479
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:05,682
[softly]:
Okay.
480
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,467
Talk to you later, Mom.
481
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:14,038
[exhales]
482
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,175
[ringtone plays]
483
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,916
[sniffs]
484
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,047
Hello?
485
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:25,615
He called me Mom.
486
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:27,878
Oh, my God.
487
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:30,229
I'll conference everyone in!
488
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:38,585
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
489
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:42,589
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
490
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:45,635
Captioned by
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access.wgbh.org
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