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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,999 --> 00:00:04,479 DRAMATIC MUSIC 2 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,200 HEAVY PANTING 3 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,560 ARGH! Such a little asshole! 4 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,760 Stop it! 5 00:00:59,348 --> 00:01:00,828 Whoa! 6 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,480 Don't move a muscle! 7 00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:28,008 Oh, shit! You all right? 8 00:01:28,033 --> 00:01:29,377 I am fine. 9 00:01:29,402 --> 00:01:31,122 It's just all these guns. 10 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,540 They bring back a lot of bad memories. 11 00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:36,380 Of course! I'm sorry, Yasmin! 12 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,560 - Come here. - No, no, no, no! Please, don't! 13 00:01:38,585 --> 00:01:39,600 Oh, why not? 14 00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:40,804 Because... 15 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,540 ..I DON'T WANT TO GET WE-E-ET! 16 00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:45,460 AGH! 17 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:47,300 THEY LAUGH 18 00:01:51,429 --> 00:01:53,620 Oh, my God! 19 00:01:53,853 --> 00:01:56,253 That is in stunningly poor taste! 20 00:01:56,278 --> 00:01:58,029 Yes! Yes, yes! 21 00:01:58,054 --> 00:01:59,980 Yes! Extremely poor taste! 22 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,100 Very, very poor taste! 23 00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:06,740 - I'm sorry. - It's too late for apologies, John. 24 00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:09,383 - I want to know you've learnt something. - I've learnt something. 25 00:02:09,475 --> 00:02:10,715 Which is? 26 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,335 I've learned you shouldn't fill a water gun with paint. 27 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,060 That's right. You shouldn't. 28 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:18,434 - I shouldn't have humiliated you. - Oh, you didn't humiliate me, John. 29 00:02:18,459 --> 00:02:19,940 You humiliated yourself. 30 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:21,140 I humiliated you a bit. 31 00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:22,620 Actually, I don't see it that way 32 00:02:22,660 --> 00:02:25,300 - and I think you'll find nobody else does. - How we doing here? 33 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:27,260 - You still angry? - Oh, not angry at all! 34 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,854 Very calm, very calm. 35 00:02:29,429 --> 00:02:31,507 OK! Gotta go, guys. Can't be late. 36 00:02:31,532 --> 00:02:32,541 OK. 37 00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:33,877 SAMI SPEAKS ARABIC 38 00:02:33,902 --> 00:02:35,462 YASMIN: OK, I'll get our stuff. 39 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,364 It's so nice to see them all together again, isn't it? 40 00:02:42,389 --> 00:02:43,390 Hm. 41 00:02:43,751 --> 00:02:44,985 Yeah. 42 00:02:45,621 --> 00:02:48,261 - It's empty. - Yeah, I know, it's just... checking. 43 00:02:50,893 --> 00:02:52,156 Come on, Thanos. 44 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,007 Let's get you cleaned up. 45 00:02:54,137 --> 00:02:57,295 THEY SNAP THEIR FINGERS 46 00:03:31,023 --> 00:03:32,820 PETER: Right! Let's get the bags. 47 00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:35,380 - JOHN: I'll grab the trolley. - KATY: Thank you, good boy. 48 00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:37,299 Now, Yasmin, come here. 49 00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:39,000 Oh... 50 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,300 PLANES FLY OVERHEAD 51 00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:57,717 Tickets? Passports? 52 00:03:59,191 --> 00:04:00,303 Can I see? 53 00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:05,507 Proper Germans now. 54 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:13,180 - I'll help you with this. - Sami... 55 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,340 ..here is best. Please. 56 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,020 OK? 57 00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:49,860 He's such a little asshole. 58 00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,580 KATY: You'll see them again soon. 59 00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:40,860 SAMI: I know, I know. 60 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,100 JOHN: Still haven't changed that cardigan. 61 00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:44,620 Does Iron Man change his suit? 62 00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:46,380 Iron Man updates it every movie. 63 00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:48,660 I sewed this pocket up last Tuesday. 64 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:51,900 "Asylum Man". 65 00:05:53,455 --> 00:05:55,262 You know, you don't have to drive me home. 66 00:05:55,287 --> 00:05:56,035 Of course we do! 67 00:05:56,060 --> 00:05:58,100 - Have you got the address, darling? - Eagle Lodge. 68 00:05:58,531 --> 00:05:59,850 Eagle Lodge. 69 00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:01,020 Sounds nice! 70 00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,820 Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up, John. 71 00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,441 Not everything that sounds nice is nice. 72 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,444 - What do you mean? - Elephant and Castle. 73 00:06:07,469 --> 00:06:08,860 Shingles! 74 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,260 Shingles. 75 00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,660 - Tommy Robinson. - HIGH-PITCHED: Ickle Tommy Robinson. 76 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,180 Actually... 77 00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:16,100 ..Eagle Lodge is quite nice. 78 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:18,620 Oh, you don't have to say that, mate. I know these places. 79 00:06:19,235 --> 00:06:21,700 A frayed bedsheet for a curtain. 80 00:06:22,111 --> 00:06:23,900 Mattress on the floor. 81 00:06:24,369 --> 00:06:27,174 Ahmed squatting over a camping stove, 82 00:06:27,199 --> 00:06:29,795 fighting a losing battle against his tagine. 83 00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:31,420 I'm spitballing, of course. 84 00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:33,180 How long since your interview? 85 00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:34,660 182 days. 86 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:36,180 And you still haven't heard? 87 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,020 - Nope. - Fucking disgrace. 88 00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:39,820 Er, can we watch the Navy language? 89 00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:42,180 Well, I'm sorry, but it is. 90 00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:44,700 It's like one of those pauses in the X Factor. 91 00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:47,420 FAUX ANNOUNCER VOICE: And the refugee who will be leaving 92 00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:49,260 the competition tonight is... 93 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:50,580 ..doof, doof, doof... 94 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,760 ..going to be announced right after the break. 95 00:06:52,785 --> 00:06:54,020 - No-o-o! - No-o-o! 96 00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:55,900 A 182-day break. 97 00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:57,540 The suspense is killing me. 98 00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:05,020 Ted Bundy! 99 00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:07,940 Ted Bundy. 100 00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:25,380 Sorry, mate. 101 00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:27,580 Sat nav's playing silly buggers. 102 00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,820 Says this is Eagle Lodge. 103 00:07:29,860 --> 00:07:31,300 This IS Eagle Lodge. 104 00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:32,940 But this is a hotel. 105 00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:34,460 Yes. 106 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:49,700 This is lovely! 107 00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:51,940 Apparently there has been a surge in asylum numbers 108 00:07:51,980 --> 00:07:54,340 - so they've put us up here temporarily. - How many stars? 109 00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:56,740 - Erm, three, I think. - Nice! 110 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,780 No offence, but you enter the country illegally 111 00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:01,100 and the taxpayer's expected to foot the bill for this? 112 00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:03,420 - Oh, don't get angry. - I'm not getting angry. 113 00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:05,060 It just makes me extremely uptight. 114 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,620 You are welcome to de-stress in the adjoining spa facilities. 115 00:08:07,660 --> 00:08:08,980 Spa facilities... 116 00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:12,060 Oh, come on! 117 00:08:19,420 --> 00:08:22,020 - Make yourselves comfortable. - Bloody hell. 118 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:24,420 - How's the PlayStation? - Good. 119 00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:28,860 Comprehensive tea and coffee-making facilities, 120 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:30,380 Twinings Collection... 121 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:31,820 He's got a Twinings Collection. 122 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:33,260 - MAN: Hello! - Agh! Leave me alone! 123 00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:36,060 I can't leave you alone! You are adorable! 124 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,340 I've heard all about you. 125 00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,820 Victor from Lagos! I'm Sami's roommate. 126 00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:42,140 - This is Victor. - Katy. This is John. 127 00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,780 - Hello, John. - JOHN: All right? 128 00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,700 - Peter you've met. - Oh! I've met Peter. 129 00:08:45,740 --> 00:08:47,580 How long have you been here, Victor? 130 00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:50,140 - Nearly three months. - Why did you come here? 131 00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:52,260 Hard to be me in Nigeria. 132 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,626 Are you... gay? 133 00:08:53,651 --> 00:08:56,715 Well, if I'm not, someone should tell my kimono 134 00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:59,380 because it has got the wrong end of the stick. 135 00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:01,300 Victor Adebayo! 136 00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:03,060 Dental surgeon... 137 00:09:03,115 --> 00:09:05,757 ..PhD, BDS, MDS and... 138 00:09:05,782 --> 00:09:07,078 ..homosexual. 139 00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:09,130 It is illegal to be gay in Nigeria, John. 140 00:09:09,155 --> 00:09:11,180 14-year prison sentence. 141 00:09:11,524 --> 00:09:13,244 One for every Madonna album. 142 00:09:14,964 --> 00:09:16,900 Spill the beans, Victor. 143 00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,900 What's it like to share a room with this one? 144 00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:20,260 Oh, he's fine. 145 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,260 - We haven't killed each other yet. - Yet. 146 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,996 Feels like he's trying to, though, with his night-time farting. 147 00:09:25,199 --> 00:09:26,780 You want to talk about the farting?! 148 00:09:26,820 --> 00:09:28,140 Er, excuse me?! 149 00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:30,740 You did one so loud on Friday it woke my phone up. 150 00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:32,300 I haven't even got started yet. 151 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:34,860 - I bet you haven't! - Syrians are the kings of farting! 152 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,140 Give me two chicken shawarma and a baba ghanoush, 153 00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:38,637 I'll give you Chernobyl! 154 00:09:42,294 --> 00:09:44,620 Let me... give you all some time to catch up. 155 00:09:50,558 --> 00:09:51,766 I'm sorry. 156 00:09:52,267 --> 00:09:54,060 He's a good guy, it's... 157 00:09:54,365 --> 00:09:55,763 ..all this. 158 00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:58,740 I know you think this is all so fancy, and it is... 159 00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:00,060 Twinings Collection... 160 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,541 I don't want this! 161 00:10:02,057 --> 00:10:03,820 I want to start my life! 162 00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,565 But I am still waiting. 163 00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:11,020 This is not luxury, this is... 164 00:10:11,317 --> 00:10:12,700 ..purgatory. 165 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,202 I'm sorry, I'm a bit tired after everything. 166 00:10:16,227 --> 00:10:17,295 Yes, of course. 167 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:19,417 Come on, let's go. 168 00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:22,289 I wanted to play Fortnite with you! 169 00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:25,940 The battle royale will have to wait for its two finest soldiers. 170 00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:30,860 - Bye, Victor. - Lovely to meet you. Safe journey. 171 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,140 - QUIETLY: Keep an eye on him? - WHISPERED: OK. 172 00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:34,460 Thank you. 173 00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,660 You going to bring your family over here? 174 00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:43,340 My family don't want to know me right now. 175 00:10:43,380 --> 00:10:44,780 They didn't like you being...? 176 00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:46,711 They were not complimentary. 177 00:10:47,828 --> 00:10:49,689 Is the shortbread complimentary? 178 00:10:49,714 --> 00:10:51,460 Yes, the shortbread is complimentary. 179 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:52,922 Good, because I took some. 180 00:10:52,947 --> 00:10:55,727 Get out of here before you steal my heart as well! 181 00:10:55,752 --> 00:10:57,992 - KATY: Bye, Sami! - PETER: Bye, Sami! 182 00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:02,504 DOOR SHUTS 183 00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:07,380 SAD MUSIC SWELLS 184 00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:21,413 KATY CHUCKLES 185 00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,400 HER PHONE VIBRATES 186 00:11:30,213 --> 00:11:31,693 Oh, you fucker! 187 00:11:31,718 --> 00:11:32,916 What's happened? 188 00:11:34,582 --> 00:11:36,342 Oh, wanker. 189 00:11:37,970 --> 00:11:39,143 Who's a wanker? 190 00:11:39,885 --> 00:11:41,140 No-one, mate. 191 00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:43,369 - Just a friend. - Who? 192 00:11:44,260 --> 00:11:46,660 - Janet. - You don't have any female friends. 193 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,916 Well, I got one female friend and she's called Janet. 194 00:11:49,697 --> 00:11:51,136 Girls aren't wankers. 195 00:11:51,161 --> 00:11:52,765 Hm, you clearly haven't met Janet! 196 00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:53,882 I'm drowning here... 197 00:11:53,907 --> 00:11:55,420 It's your father, John. 198 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,245 - What does he want? - Well... 199 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,921 ..he pays the mortgage on this place 200 00:12:01,946 --> 00:12:03,860 but it seems he doesn't want to do that anymore. 201 00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,433 OK. Let's all just take... a... 202 00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:07,542 ..chillaxative here. 203 00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:11,058 I am being offered promotion this week and the pay rise will cover 204 00:12:11,507 --> 00:12:13,787 any dent he tries to make in us. 205 00:12:13,812 --> 00:12:15,400 I'm actually glad this is happening. 206 00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:18,816 I don't want him looking after you both. 207 00:12:20,263 --> 00:12:21,548 I want to look after you. 208 00:12:23,150 --> 00:12:24,550 All right, darling. Bed. 209 00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:27,071 My dad's not a wanker. 210 00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:29,263 Well, technically I called Janet a wanker, so... 211 00:12:29,296 --> 00:12:31,016 Everyone deserves a second chance. 212 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,232 I gave YOU one. 213 00:12:39,382 --> 00:12:40,505 Ignore him. 214 00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:43,900 Christ, he really likes feeding my balls into a desk fan, doesn't he? 215 00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:45,620 He still misses Sami. 216 00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:52,215 Why do you think Elliot's doing this now? 217 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:54,755 10.15? He's probably just moving onto the spirits. 218 00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,221 No, I mean now generally. 219 00:12:56,455 --> 00:12:57,620 He enjoys it. 220 00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,860 He likes turning my life upside down. 221 00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:01,700 Elliot is zero gravity. 222 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:05,460 Not the fun kind. Not, "Ooh, look at that pen spinning in mid-air." 223 00:13:05,824 --> 00:13:06,910 The bad kind. 224 00:13:07,336 --> 00:13:10,336 Bumping into dead astronauts and beads of your own piss. 225 00:13:13,453 --> 00:13:14,620 Who is "Janet"? 226 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,438 - Janet's my mum. - Oh, yeah. 227 00:13:17,722 --> 00:13:20,042 KATY CHUCKLES 228 00:13:22,181 --> 00:13:23,341 - ON PHONE: Sami? - Yeah? 229 00:13:23,493 --> 00:13:26,280 This is all perfectly normal. There is a system in place. 230 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,560 What is the system? 231 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,480 It's not perfect, but it's what we've got. 232 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,600 HE SCOFFS Monica, it has been six months. 233 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:33,760 What's going on? 234 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,120 Mr Ibrahim, your case is still under review. 235 00:13:36,276 --> 00:13:38,640 It takes time. Six months is not unusual. 236 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,560 But I haven't arrived yet. How much longer do I have to wait? 237 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,960 I can't say. 238 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,400 You are solicitor. 239 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,283 You know these things. You know them. 240 00:13:47,308 --> 00:13:48,560 Each case is different. 241 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,410 Each asylum seeker is different. 242 00:13:50,435 --> 00:13:52,535 - You're like snowflakes. - I am not a snowflake. 243 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,080 - No, I didn't mean it like that. - Oh. 244 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,892 Sami, you know the British. 245 00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:58,760 - You know how we love to queue. - Yes. 246 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,440 - Yes, you love to queue. - OK, so this is the queue. 247 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,480 This is part of the test. 248 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,920 - This is the queue. - Try to keep calm. 249 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,966 Don't do anything stupid. Obey the law, OK? 250 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,160 - Where am I in this queue? - I don't know. 251 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,680 - I'll call you when I have news. - Thank you. 252 00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:17,987 Excuse me. 253 00:14:18,911 --> 00:14:19,927 What? 254 00:14:19,952 --> 00:14:21,961 We're waiting here. What the fuck are you doing? 255 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,058 - Nothing. - That's my ball there. 256 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,000 What do you want me to do? 257 00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:28,008 What do you think I want you to do? 258 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,719 No, you fucking idiot! 259 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,462 Are you a member? 260 00:14:50,021 --> 00:14:51,141 Not yet. 261 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:53,760 Not yet. 262 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,960 BLOWS WHISTLE Sir, no outdoor shoes in the pool area. 263 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,507 These are sandals. - Yes, but... 264 00:15:04,532 --> 00:15:05,680 You are wearing sandals. 265 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,382 - These are flip-flops. - Flip-flops, part of sandal family. 266 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,497 - You are a radical breakaway group. - Please? 267 00:15:10,522 --> 00:15:12,200 This country and its rules. 268 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,280 Yeah, hello, Mr Referee, more rules, please. 269 00:15:14,305 --> 00:15:15,140 Um... 270 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,372 No diving, no bombing. 271 00:15:17,397 --> 00:15:19,200 No bombing? No bombing?! 272 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,960 Oh, oh, oh! 273 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,420 I wish we had you and your whistle in Aleppo! 274 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,400 Sir? BLOWS WHISTLE 275 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,440 W-W-What are you doing? 276 00:15:36,472 --> 00:15:37,694 - Sir, get out, please. - No. 277 00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:38,960 I need you to leave, sir. - No. 278 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,240 You're fully clothed! 279 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,280 BELL RINGS 280 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,690 Fucking "babe." 281 00:15:51,832 --> 00:15:53,392 I don't owe you anything. 282 00:15:53,417 --> 00:15:54,533 Don't talk to me like that. 283 00:15:54,558 --> 00:15:56,853 - Were you a virgin? - I said, don't talk to me like that. 284 00:15:56,878 --> 00:15:58,779 Look, what did you think? Just because I fucked 285 00:15:58,804 --> 00:16:00,664 you, you thought I was going to marry you? Oh! 286 00:16:00,788 --> 00:16:02,548 What the hell is going on here? 287 00:16:02,573 --> 00:16:04,600 - He's a fucking pig. - Oink oink. 288 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,711 I heard what he said. Is that how you treat a woman, Jason? 289 00:16:08,203 --> 00:16:09,320 Depends, Miss. 290 00:16:09,599 --> 00:16:10,920 How would you like to be treated? 291 00:16:10,945 --> 00:16:12,480 I beg your pardon? 292 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,696 How would you like me to treat you? 293 00:16:14,721 --> 00:16:16,160 Oh, Jason, please. 294 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,280 I've got yoghurt in the fridge older than you. 295 00:16:18,429 --> 00:16:20,286 No-one's fucked you in years. 296 00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:26,788 Gemma Bridges, there will be other wrong men - they happen. 297 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,935 But your mistakes will be fascinating. Want to know them? 298 00:16:30,553 --> 00:16:32,735 - What? - There'll be a writer called Orlando. 299 00:16:32,890 --> 00:16:36,320 He's posh, with an extremely long face, and he'll put you in one of his erotic novels, 300 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,506 but you're no-one's muse and you will leave him weeping on the stone floor 301 00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:42,133 - of a Tuscan castle. - I think I've gone off boys. 302 00:16:42,158 --> 00:16:44,920 Your lesbian affair is with a Belgian tattooist called Martha. 303 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,760 - I'm not gay. - It's just a fling, 304 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,040 but blooms into a lifelong friendship, 305 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:52,142 and you'll catch her eye on your wedding day and smile. 306 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,879 - Who's he? - Brett? 307 00:16:54,386 --> 00:16:55,817 Brett's a fireman 308 00:16:55,842 --> 00:16:57,923 and voluntary baby whisperer. 309 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,280 He'll reach into your chest and flip your heart open like a Japanese fan. 310 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,038 Yeah, and what about me, babe? 311 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,600 What of Jason Maddox? SHE SIGHS 312 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,360 I've met boys like you before. 313 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,640 You're all the same 314 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,200 with your charming fathers and a mum with a flinch. 315 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,040 There's time to change, though, Jason. Best you do. 316 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,680 You're a good looking lad, but that beauty will melt like a candle. 317 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,840 God's an arsonist and all you'll be left with 318 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,960 is the content of your character. 319 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,191 And please, 320 00:17:27,216 --> 00:17:29,994 don't call into question my sex life. I've had a threesome in a graveyard 321 00:17:30,018 --> 00:17:32,578 and given handjobs in two separate pedalos. 322 00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:34,680 It's all gravy. Class now. 323 00:17:34,876 --> 00:17:37,495 - BELL RINGS - CHEERING 324 00:17:49,655 --> 00:17:50,735 Sami, hi. 325 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,032 Is this Peter? 326 00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:54,280 Yes. Sorry, who's...? 327 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,400 - It's Victor. - Who? 328 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,120 The beautiful Nigerian dentist 329 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,240 - who astonished you from the bathroom. - Oh, right. 330 00:18:01,431 --> 00:18:02,751 Um... OK. 331 00:18:02,776 --> 00:18:03,830 How can I...? 332 00:18:03,855 --> 00:18:06,276 You need to come here immediately, please. 333 00:18:06,301 --> 00:18:08,080 - It's Sami. - OK. 334 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,000 - I'm actually... - No haggling. 335 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,000 He needs you. Get here now. 336 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,325 - How long's he been in there? - Over an hour. 337 00:18:47,972 --> 00:18:49,777 Excuse me. This is him. 338 00:18:49,802 --> 00:18:51,773 - You know the gentleman in there. - I believe so. 339 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,720 OK. He's locked himself in with one of the lifeguards. 340 00:18:53,744 --> 00:18:55,800 - He's taken a hostage? - We're not using that language yet 341 00:18:55,825 --> 00:18:57,947 as we're trying to respect the energy flow of the spa. 342 00:18:57,972 --> 00:18:59,886 - That's very thoughtful. - Is he dangerous? 343 00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:01,889 - No. No. - OK. 344 00:19:01,914 --> 00:19:03,979 Right, we're going to give you five minutes to persuade 345 00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:05,957 him to come out or we'll have to do it by force, 346 00:19:05,982 --> 00:19:07,271 and that won't end well for him. 347 00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:09,668 - Does this make me chief negotiator? - No. 348 00:19:10,388 --> 00:19:11,404 Can I have a stab vest? 349 00:19:11,429 --> 00:19:12,637 - No. - Bring me to him. 350 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,520 - But apart from this, how was your day? - Go home, Peter. 351 00:19:26,716 --> 00:19:29,304 Let me out. This is a hostage situation. 352 00:19:29,329 --> 00:19:31,520 Hostage situations do not smell of eucalyptus. 353 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:32,913 Please enjoy the wellness. 354 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:34,920 This isn't wellness. This is madness. 355 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,120 Come on, mate. 356 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,240 You're going to get heat exhaustion in there. 357 00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:41,699 We are a desert people. 358 00:19:48,524 --> 00:19:51,565 Wouldn't it be wonderful if the smoke cleared... 359 00:19:52,451 --> 00:19:53,951 ..and I had vanished? 360 00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:03,131 - Still here? - Still here. 361 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,200 Fuck David Blaine. 362 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,680 What's going on, Sami? 363 00:20:08,853 --> 00:20:10,338 I'm not too sure, 364 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,338 sort of found myself here. 365 00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,423 This is a protest? 366 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,605 I do not think so. 367 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,526 I don't think so either. 368 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,663 If this was a protest, you'd have taken your clothes off. 369 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,280 That would not be a protest. That would be an act of terrorism. 370 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,748 PETER CHUCKLES 371 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,720 I cannot wait anymore. 372 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,080 Don't give up, mate. 373 00:20:31,276 --> 00:20:32,514 I can't. 374 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,295 They win. 375 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,844 LOUDER: They win. 376 00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:40,063 I'm losing my mind, Peter. 377 00:20:41,618 --> 00:20:43,783 I think I'm trying to melt away. 378 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,920 Sami, if you don't come out... 379 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,763 ..I'm going to drag you out. 380 00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:54,324 And they're going to keep dragging you all the way back to Damascus. 381 00:20:55,461 --> 00:20:57,149 Maybe I want them to. 382 00:20:57,634 --> 00:21:00,314 Everything I've tried to fix is broken, 383 00:21:00,702 --> 00:21:02,870 asylum, family. 384 00:21:04,115 --> 00:21:06,395 Go back to Syria, at least everything is rubble. 385 00:21:06,420 --> 00:21:07,872 Nothing left to ruin. 386 00:21:12,758 --> 00:21:14,198 You haven't ruined everything. 387 00:21:20,349 --> 00:21:23,119 You know when I said we are a desert people? 388 00:21:23,144 --> 00:21:24,163 Yes. 389 00:21:24,188 --> 00:21:26,468 - We are not a desert people. - No. 390 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,133 We are a dessert people. 391 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,400 - Open the door, Sami. - I can't feel my legs. 392 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,000 - Sami? - I miss my boy. 393 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,224 Open the door. 394 00:21:40,562 --> 00:21:41,962 Get the spare room set up. 395 00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:45,168 You'll be spending a few days with us. 396 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,600 We're back. 397 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,960 You smell pretty bad. 398 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,377 I have been in a sauna fully clothed. 399 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,080 What's your excuse? 400 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,177 I'm sorry. 401 00:22:18,219 --> 00:22:19,379 Welcome home. 402 00:22:23,290 --> 00:22:25,548 Synced and corrected by Pindiu - www.addic7ed.com - 403 00:22:25,598 --> 00:22:30,148 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 28687

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