Original subtitles

- [Announcer] Urban Vision Works.

Vision Works

Vision Works.,

(ominous music)

- He just did it again.

- Why is this happening to us?

Yesterday it was me, now you?

- I'm tired of this.

Wanda, what are we gonna do?

- I say...we end it.

Yeah, that's what we'll do.

We'll end it.

- This aint supposed to happen to kids our age.

- That's why we'll end it.

That's the only way it's gonna stop.

And that's what I,

Javenna Myrieckes wanted to know:

how to end child sexual abuse?

And in my quest to discover the answer,

I met Wanda Morton-Palmer,

founder of #ProtectOurGirlsCampaign

in Saint Michaels, Maryland. on the iconic St. Mary Square,

this exact place where she was raped so many years ago.

- So this is the route that we would normally take

to go to and from school.

That particular evening, we were coming down

and crossing into Chestnut.

We actually cut across this field

and where this building right here,

it was a smaller museum

and I believe it was planted right here in the middle.

So I think it was this building,

only a different color.

What stands out the most is that this tree here

is the exact same tree where I was sexually assaulted.

(camera shutters)

- A fate that 20% of children who are abused

will experience before the age of eight.

- I was eight.

I really think I was eight, yeah.

I really think I was eight.

Eight years old.

- I was seven and my brother at the time was 17, I believe.

(ominous music)

- My daughter was sexually abused

when she was five years old.

It happened at the church that we were attending.

And it was a deacon and a juvenile who molested her.

- And I remember each single detail but I was only five.

- I've known about the abuse when I was 10.

I knew about the abuse when I was 14 and 15 and so on.

I remember the abuse when I was a toddler

but I had forgot about that

'til my mother brought it back to me.

- I was five years old

when I was first sexually abused by my father.

- So I was basically raised by my pedophile.

- I'm here today to finally speak out

on what my cousin Terrance McClease did to me

when I was around the age of 15.

- I slightly remember...

(birds chirping)

Going over to the tree.

I don't even remember how I got over to the tree.

I remembered how shocked I was

that the two guys that I was with

decided they wanted to take advantage of me.

I remember it was very shocking

because I didn't know they looked at me that way.

I didn't feel the need to be vulnerable around them

'cause I trusted them.

- 90% of children who are sexually victimized

are abused by someone they either know, love or trust,

like friends, neighbors, and family members.

- My father walked into my room,

in the middle of the night because I had been asleep

and he awakened me and he told me

that it was time for him to teach me something

that all fathers had to teach their daughters

in order to prepare them for marriage.

- I remember playing the little games

where you catch a girl, get a girl,

get a girl or something like that, yeah.

So it was games like that that would be played

that seemed so innocent

but it was actually teaching the boys

how to rape girls

and how the girls could be submissive to that.

- Of course at five, I had not contemplated marriage

or had no idea of what that was about

but it was my father so I was willing to learn.

And at that time, he proceeded to raise my night gown

and began to molest me.

Even though I'd never been told about anything like that,

it just felt wrong.

It felt like something that shouldn't be happening

and that something that just wasn't right,

but I kinda just told myself that it didn't happen.

He was my dad.

So he wouldn't do anything to hurt me

and I kind of just tried to blank it out

but it did happen and it happened again and again,

night after night until I was 13 years old.

- [Javenna] And while on this journey to uncover answers,

I encountered other amazing women like Mia Foster

who came forth to break her silence

and to share her powerful but tragic story.

- I was about 12 years old and I was at a friend's house.

And her family was very close to my family

so I used to go over there all the time

and one day, it was a group of girls,

she had other friends over

and we're having a conversation about boys, virginity,

things that you talk about when you about to hit puberty

and you just having those girl and them bonding sessions

with your friends, so.

Oh.

I was over there and she says to me,

she's like, "My brother wants you."

and it was strange to me a little bit

because he used to bully me.

He used to pick with me,

they had a few pets, cats and dogs,

he used to throw the cats on me,

(dog barks)

push me near the dog, just be mean to me.

So I couldn't understand, what does he want with me?

So I go to his room

and he asked me about my other siblings.

I had a brother and a sister, and he was more so their age

and he was about maybe four years older than me,

four or five years older than me,

and he says, "Come here."

so I'm just like, "Okay."

I'm not thinking nothing of it,

I don't know what I'm about to walk into

so I went and I sat down

and he began to pull his penis out and made me touch him.

And of course, I was already afraid of him

because of the bullying that went on

so he made me touch him and I just froze.

All I could remember was the lights went out

and I don't really remember how my clothes got off

but I remember feeling the pain of the penetration

and he was just laying me on my back

and he switched positions

and took me from behind on the floor.

After that, I just remember

crawling back to my friend's room.

- I am a victim of child sexual abuse

in several very different ways.

From being molested at 10, being molested at two,

and being raped violently on the side of the road

and left for dead

by three men at the age 14.

- Right under that tree,

they decided to start trying to pull my clothes off of me.

So I'm trying to,

because I've always thought I was strong,

I can handle anything.

I'm trying to pull my clothes to keep them on,

they're pulling them to take them off.

Needless to say, they won the battle.

I couldn't keep these two people off of...

Keep these two people from pulling my clothes off of me

and...

they raped me.

(fast-paced music)

- I was...

gullible.

I would say, growing up.

I was the naive one

because I feel like I was still childlike.

It took me a while to stop playing with Barbies and Brats.

While everybody else was into having sex.

- That was my first experience with sex.

It's like I just checked out.

It's almost as if I made myself

invisible to what was going on,

so I...

I vacated myself from the situation

and it happened.

- I didn't pick up on the signs

of being brushed up against my chest,

or rubbed up against by my

butt area

and him saying it was an accident.

I didn't look at it like "Oh, he's touching me."

I just looked at that as "Oh, it's an accident"

because that's what he told me it was.

- I remember when...

the penetration first took place.

I felt this pain, this pop

and that was when I was no longer a virgin.

- When I was 14 years old, it was me and another girl.

We had done some things wrong and escaped from a girl's home

and these guys knew that we was on the run

so they knew we could not contact authorities

or we would get ourself in trouble.

So they invited us to a cookout

but instead went down this very dark road, parked the truck.

I was 14, she was 13,

and they was in their upper 40s and 50s.

They were drinking.

They began to beat us with a gun,

they peed on it, shoved the gun in our mouth,

took turns having sex with us,

made us oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex,

beat us to the point we couldn't walk

and just left us out there in the field.

(somber piano music)

(woman wailing)

(woman screams)

- I've always looked at crying as a form of weakness.

If you think about it, well, in my household,

you cried and it's always,

shut up before I give you something to cry for.

So crying has to be a bad thing. (laughs)

Why cry if you're gonna be told to shut up?

- During the summer,

when I was about to go into the 10th grade,

I would say...

I remember how weird he was acting.

He was acting really different.

And it's like he was really trying to get me drunk.

This was my first time ever having liquor.

Ever!

So, when I woke up the next morning,

I remember getting in the shower and I kept saying,

I feel different.

I feel funny.

I knew that something just wasn't right with my body.

So when I walked into the kitchen

after taking my shower,

he was sitting there eating shrimp,

offering crabs to my little brother,

and it seemed like everything was okay,

everything was normal, except for my body.

But when I had gotten home that same day,

he sent me a text message saying,

"You're nasty.

"When you had that liquor up in you."

(popping)

- When I was 15,

I had a child that was a product of rape itself

and my father would watch him

and when he died I found

more than a thousand nude pictures of my child.

- And I felt like oh my god, what happened?

What did I do?

"Just come back.

"I'ma give you some more to drink

"and I'ma tell you what you did."

So I felt like I lost a part of me that I held so sacred.

I had plans...

to save myself for my husband.

I felt like I was stripped of my dream for me, my plans.

But I felt like it was my fault

because I shouldn't never been drinking.

I shouldn't...

(Tia sniffles)

I should've said no when he told me

that I could sleep in his room!

- [Javenna] Manipulation is a commonly used tactic.

- My cousin Terrence

would babysit for me every now and then.

He would...

do stuff for the kids every now and then,

and this is from the time they were babies up to teens!

So he was always around,

so I didn't really pay attention

to what could've been or what could've been happening

and what I know now to be grooming.

I didn't pay attention to that

because he would always take the kids to,

he would take them to the movies,

he would buy 'em McDonald's food

because I didn't allow fast food a lot in the house,

he would do fun stuff with 'em.

He would just do... normal things.

- But I didn't think he would do something like that to me

because he loved me.

And I loved him so much.

I really, really loved him.

So for him to take advantage of me like that,

and I had nobody to tell because I was scared

I was gonna get in trouble by my mom for drinking.

- I feel like I was focused on being strict

and making sure he didn't do this and that and the other,

that I wasn't paying attention

to the signs that were right there in front of me.

- Some signs of a sexual predator

is over friendly behavior towards someone

that they're either victimizing or try to victimize

and watching the behavior of the individual

they are victimizing.

Are they withdrawn?

Lack of appetite is not always an indicator

that someone's on a crazy diet.

Whenever someone is expressing trauma,

it impacts them physiologically.

You wanna pay attention

to a shift in their normal behavior patterns,

with both the predator

and the person that they're seeking to victimize.

- As I got older, my behavior changed.

My mother really didn't pick it up

until I told her and then she thought back on it.

I was a little aggressive more aggressive.

I was doing stuff to myself

that...I started peeing in the bed more.

So it is certain things that you have to look for.

- They start to wanna spend a lot of time alone.

They become combative if you ask them about their phones

or...

they become more...

insecure about their space.

- You have to know your children.

And once that demeanor, attitude, personality change

compared to how it was a year ago or five years ago,

you really have to have that talk.

- Pay attention to the body language.

We're oftentimes waiting

for someone to tell us they're afraid.

Silence is a big telltale.

Does their body stiffen up

when a particular person comes around?

- When she....

(dramatic piano music)

Became so

uninterested in school

that she lost,

you were the--

- The class president.

I didn't care!

- When they took that away from you,

I knew something was wrong.

- I skipped school, I tried to kill myself,

nothing was getting people's attention, nothing.

And my breaking point was when I was in the hospital

after a car accident on the bridge.

And everybody was over by my sister

and he came to me and he said,

"See nobody cares about you.

Only me.

"Everybody over there with Tywanda. Laughing.

" While you over here by yourself."

(tense music)

So I just started to accept what he was doing to me.

I didn't care.

I just went willingly

and I felt like I should've been saying no.

I should've said yes, they do care about me.

They do love me.

But I didn't feel like that at the time.

I really didn't feel like that.

- Unfortunately, we live in a society

where it's always excuses for the predator.

We have a president now

that makes inappropriate comments about his daughter,

how attractive and sexy she look.

- If Ivanka weren't my daughter,

perhaps I'd be dating her.

(everyone laughs)

- That just sets the stage. If he'll make those comments.

In my mind, hearing it.

I'm just wondering.

What else has he done?

(static whooshing)

- [Donald] I just start kissing them.

It's like a magnet, just kiss.

I don't even wait.

And when you're a star, they let you do it.

You can do anything. - Yeah, whatever you want.

- [Donald] Grab them by the pussy.

(static whooshing)

- Sadly, one of my children

was also molested by my adopted father.

- What happened was my mom worked a lot,

she was a single mom.

- I would drop them off at their godmother's house,

and she wasn't married to the godfather.

They were two separate household.

But she went down to church a lot

because there was a lot of things that she had to do there,

so she took my daughter and my son with her.

They would go to school.

And on the way back from school,

they would go next door to the church.

We had one of the members there stayed.

It was sorta like a shelter but it wasn't a shelter,

but she lived there.

And the kids would go there for nap time.

- I would go upstairs to take a nap

and then Charles, who was the oldest one,

would come upstairs

and he would touch me, pull my pants down.

I saw the private area for the first time when I was five.

I didn't know what it was.

It's been a couple times he tried to stick it in

and it was painful.

The other guy was more so making me touch him.

He didn't necessarily touch me too much.

He would just do that

whenever I was spend the night at church.

- Apparently, all this happened at nap time

and the worst part about it,

I didn't see the signs.

I didn't know!

So of course, I still feel guilty

because I didn't see it.

- Abuse comes in all different facets.

There's mental, there's physical, there's emotional.

The first abuse I had ever faced was...

verbal.

My first memory was when my father said to me.

- [Father] Wanda, when you get older,

you gon' let daddy suck on your breasts?

- I remember feeling awkward.

I remember feeling a little uneasy.

I remember feeling something wasn't right with that question

but I wasn't sure because if it wasn't right,

my father wouldn't be asking me this question.

- Yes, daddy.

(ominous music)

- When I started getting breasts,

I would do things like try to push 'em in.

As I continued to get older, I kept hearing those words

and I know now that that's wrong.

I knew as a teenager that it was wrong.

Because again, I kept hearing it in the back of my mind.

Clearly, I didn't see my father for 30 something years,

but I never forgot the sound of his voice

when he said that to me.

So, the fact that he said that,

it affected me in so many different ways.

Relationships...

just how I allowed men

to talk to me and things like that.

♪ Her emotions she holds ♪

♪ And feelings never getting involved ♪

♪ She's labeled the female dog ♪

♪ It's all good when it starts off ♪

♪ But shallow as deep as she gets ♪

♪ Trust issues with what they send ♪

♪ Good men ain't none of them ♪

- Well, the first incident is the actually

the last one I remember

because I had suppressed the information

and my mother told me in 2005 that my adopted father

had been molesting me since I was two.

But by her telling me, suppressed memories came back

and it made me have a mental breakdown.

- I mean, it was something that happened.

While I was sleep and I woke up.

To something happening to me and...

Some people's situation may be deeper than mine

but I don't care.

Any type of violation, coming from someone that you know

should not be doing that,

it just does something to you.

You understand what I'm saying?

- At the young age, roughly about seven or eight,

one of my older brothers,

we would often be left at my grandma's house

and he would have sex with me.

- Okay, I gotta get outta here!

All right, y'all be good for grandma.

I'll be back in the morning when I get off of work, okay?

- Can I stay at auntie's house?

I don't wanna stay here with my brother.

- Little girl, when you get old enough to have kids

and get a job, then you can decide

what you wanna do and don't do.

And you take care of your sister.

- I will.

You know we be having fun.

- And don't break anything.

I don't have no money to replace nothing.

- Ma, I got this.

Come on.

We're about to play house.

I'll be the daddy, you can be my girlfriend.

(sad piano music)

- He made it seem like it was a game.

He said, "This is how I show my love

for you," and me being a child,

I knew it felt weird, but I thought it was okay.

He swore me to secrecy.

He used tangible things like candy,

maybe giving me a quarter,

telling me he would go to the store and get me ice cream,

he would sneak me things that my parents or my grandmother

might forbidden me to have

so for me it was like, it was a trade off.

If I give him something, this is the reward.

And as I got older, it continued.

- It was definitely constant.

Once the abuse started,

that was not like there were significant periods of times

where I would be like, oh yes, this is over.

There may have been, I would say probably my safest moments

were moments when I was not home.

But my father was a drunk and drug addict,

so there could've been occasional days

where he was too drunk or passed out somewhere

and nothing happened, but it was pretty constant.

- Around about the age of roughly 10,

I experienced bleeding.

At the time, I thought it was my menstrual cycle

starting and I remember saying to him "I'm bleeding"

not knowing that it was...

what he was doing to me

that was actually tearing the skin inside of my body.

- [Javenna] Every 98 seconds,

a sexual assault takes place here in America

and every eight minutes, the crime is against a child.

- When I told someone I was 10, I told my mom

because I was watching some story on I think Lifetime

when I was 10 and I started crying

and I said, "Mommy, I understand what she's going through."

- And the only way I found out about it

was my daughter and I were watching a program called,

"Something About Amelia."

and it was about this young lady

who have been molested by her father

and she saw that

he was getting ready to do something to her sister

and that's when she spoke up.

- I waited until I was 13 to say something to my mom

because once I saw the movie, "Something About Amelia,"

at that time, I believe I was about eight years old.

When that movie came out, that was the first real awakening

that what was happening to me was wrong.

- The fact that two survivors in this film

saw their lives imitated an art

shows me that we must do better with being visually public

about the reality of child sexual abuse

so that others may be saved.

- I sat her down.

I said, "What are you talking about?"

She says, "I know how that girl feels."

I said, "What do you mean, you know how she feels?"

and that's when she began telling me

about what the deacon and this juvenile had done to her.

- That night when he came to my room,

I was like, this is a crime, this is wrong,

that girl's father got arrested by the police

and I'm gonna tell,

and then he threatened to kill my mom.

And I 100% believed him because my father was very violent

and he had pulled guns on us.

He had shot at us and threatened us to get out the house.

He was very, very, very physically abusive

to the entire family,

so I honestly believed he would kill my mom

and as I stated earlier, when I told

was because he had been very physically abusive with my mom.

We were walking down the street as we did so many times

and her eye is blackened and lip bloodied.

She mentioned that I wish he could just go to jail forever

and that was my key to my only way to save her.

- All these different events caused me

to look at my body differently.

I started body shaming myself,

I started...

I had a eating disorder,

I was bulimic, I was eating and would throw up,

I was just do anything that would take the bitter taste

of sex and just life.

I just wanted to purge it all.

And I can just remember another time,

and the stories go on and on

until it just got to the point that I just knew

that if I keep going the way that I'm going,

I'm going to destroy myself.

And so, before this happened with my daughter,

the thing that really brought me back to reality

is when I found out that God wanted me to live.

And I can laugh now because I'm like, okay,

Lord, you're a funny guy

because after the last incident

where I was in the wrong place at the wrong time

and I found myself doing things

that I really didn't wanna do,

because again, I was never one of those people

that enjoyed sex.

From 12 when I was raped,

and then I was raped that one time,

and then I was gang raped twice.

With all those things,

the people always made it seem like it was my fault

and I started to feel like it was my fault.

And I started to feel like

this is happening because I'm ugly,

this is happening because I'm fat,

this is happening because I'm skinny.

I just didn't know how to accept who I was.

I didn't wanna live anymore.

So I decided one day after talking to a friend

and us swapping stories about life

and why we don't wanna live,

I shared with her about my father

and the couple of times that I was raped

and she shared with me that she was raped as well,

and we were like okay, let's just end it.

And I was saying, well, what's an easy way.

I think I'll just go ahead and take some pills.

(birds chirping)

(loud knocking)

(ominous music)

(birds chirping)

She didn't say whether she was gonna do it or not.

I just knew that I wanted to do it

because at this point, people were talking about me.

They were saying negative things like,

oh she's a whore, she's everything negative

so I just felt like I couldn't go anywhere

without people saying these things

'cause I felt like everybody saw what happened.

Even though I wasn't a willing participant,

I don't know if I fought back.

Like I...I know now I probably would.

Even though I pulled and tried to keep my clothes on

and I did all these things,

and this was every time I had sex from 12 until I was 16.

From 12 to 16, never liked it,

never was a willing participant,

always trying to keep my clothes on,

they ended up coming off any kind of way.

♪ She thinkin' if she let her guard down ♪

♪ That soon she gon' regret it and maybe it's worth the risk ♪

♪ Or maybe she shouldn't chance it ♪

♪ 'Cause chances is there to hurt her more ♪

♪ I get it you want it but you can't hurt no more ♪

- I remember waking up and looking out that window

and being so pissed off with God because

I'm like, why am I still here?

Why am I still here, God?

I don't want to be here!

I don't want to be in this life!

And I remember just laying there for a while

and fussing with God.

And fussing with God and saying,

why do you want me in this life

having to deal with this over and over again?

(birds chirping)

(ominous music)

- [Javenna] One out of 10 children are sexually abused

by the age of 18.

- He told me not to tell anybody.

"This is our secret."

- I told someone...

But...

the individual said he didn't do it.

So it was left at that!

- The state took myself and some of my other siblings

from my parents so I ended up being placed into foster care.

It would later come

that I would share what had happened to me

with my social worker at the time.

When we went to family court, that came up

'cause they couldn't understand why I was so withdrawn,

for such a young child that didn't wanna play,

didn't wanna interact with anyone,

anytime a male came around me,

I was very guarded, almost in a physical state of fear,

and when I approached my mom with it,

I remember her yelling at me,

calling me distasteful names in the courtroom

and telling me that that never happened.

- Only 3% of child accusers aren't telling the truth,

which means a staggering 97% are.

Like in Amelia's case and the ladies of this film,

they are telling the truth too.

- For a child, when you're telling your parent,

hey this did happen to me

and to have them not believe you,

I remember feeling very shameful.

- Daddy.

He makes me have sex with him.

- Have you gone crazy?

- My mother knew.

My mother allowed it.

- I didn't even assume that she knew.

I just felt like...

I didn't feel like my mom was a resource for me.

Things between my mom and I were not good

and early on, as a matter of fact,

probably a few months before the abuse started,

I heard my mom say for the first time

that she wish I was never born.

- When Tia said to me in the police department

after I found out these things happened to her,

By finding letters from him,

diary writings from her, et cetera.

I said, "Tia, why didn't you tell me?

"I would've done something.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked me straight, straight in the face and said,

"You're my mother.

"You should've known."

(people chattering)

I didn't know.

But when I think about what happened to me,

all the years before that,

20 some years,

I gotta keep asking myself, should I have known?

- I told my mother but in telling her,

the end result is she left me

in an abandoned house and chose him.

- I didn't tell anybody.

I didn't tell anybody 'til I was about 17 years old.

- People know that it is happening.

Oftentimes, no one wants to acknowledge the elephant

in the room, especially in our own home,

and particularly those homes of African-Americans.

For so many years, it's been deemed

that this is not a black thing.

Unfortunately, molestations, sexual assault

is not a race thing.

- It just made me realize that no one's ever cared about me.

The people that was supposed to protect me

were the main people who harmed me.

That'd be my mother, that would be my adopted father,

that would be my real father, that would be my stepfather.

I blame 'em all.

Nobody protected me.

- The pastor had me and my daughter come to the church

and we had to face them

for my daughter to tell what happened.

♪ For the Bible♪

- I guess in my mind, I tried to forget that that happened.

♪ Tells me so ♪

- Even though I tried to kill myself behind it,

I still tried to forget that it happened

and I never said anything about it until just now.

- [Tia] I wasn't able

to talk to my mother about it because--

- She never showed any tears.

She never showed any weakness.

So for me to be weak.

♪ For who you are ♪

- It was hard for me to accept

because I look up to my mom.

I wanna be strong like her.

♪ My heart ♪

- So I didn't have that option

of letting somebody else know what I was going through

that I was by myself, and that I felt alone too.

'Cause my mom, she's so strong.

How can you talk to a strong person when you're so weak?

♪ You are the great ♪

♪ I am ♪

♪ Lord I love you ♪

- The pastor said that my daughter just tended

to be a little frisky.

At five years old?

And I said, "I don't care if she threw her legs in his face!

"He knew better."

They knew better.

At five years old, it was basically like he was blaming it

on my daughter, and I was angry!

I'm still angry!

- I think I'm moreso disappointed

because that's not how life should be for a five-year-old.

- The Christ part of me wants to forgive

and for a while, I can forgive

and then it just comes back.

(sad piano music)

I'm just angry.

I'm angry because I didn't see it.

It went on and it took so long for her to tell me about it.

- One thing that really ticks me off about sexual abuse

or just the word rape,

people have this misconception

and it's this violent attack all the time

and it is forceful.

No, it's also manipulation,

tactics of fear.

It's so many other things and it's not just,

oh, they just grabbed you and tied you up

and just did whatever.

- It's yours radio Live, "Live 97.5,

Everything Urban," Breakfast Club in the morning,

Ron Banks at night.

It's your man, Donny O.

- I'm Wanda Morton-Palmer.

I am the director and visionary

of the Protect Our Girls Campaign.

It is a nonprofit that was created

to bring awareness to and prevent child sexual abuse.

- I just found out about my mom, actually

when she was on the radio station.

I'm looking like, what?

Why were you so mad about Tia not telling you

and you haven't told anyone?

(bell rings)

♪ All you'd gotta do is speak up ♪

♪ I know it hurts 'cause it's the ones you wouldn't think of ♪

♪ No need to feel ashamed ♪

♪ You're still in control ♪

♪ It makes it hard to trust♪

♪ They aint respecting, no ♪

♪ Just let someone know ♪

♪ Girl, you're far from worthless ♪

- Mrs. Palmer, the bell just rang.

Tia will join us momentarily.

Listen, it's all gonna be okay.

♪ Keep your head high ♪

♪ Stop putting it low ♪

- You don't understand.

♪ Open your mouth and let someone know ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I know it hurts but there's no pain ♪

♪ That you can't get through ♪

♪ And if you ever need a shoulder ♪

♪ Girl, I'm with you ♪

- Why didn't you tell me that he was doing it to you?

Why, Tia!

- I don't know! (cries)

- Why?

Why didn't you tell me?

I could've protected you!

(Tia wails)

- It's gonna be okay.

I'm sorry!

- You don't understand.

Why you ain't tell me, Tia?

(Tia cries)

(mother and daughter crying)

- It's gonna be okay, Mrs. Palmer.

(mother and daughter crying)

It's gonna be okay?

(mother and daughter crying)

♪ All you have to do is to speak up ♪

- Well, I had no idea that my mom

went through almost the same thing.

I felt like if she would have told me,

then I would've felt more open to communicate with her

about what was happening to me.

♪ If this will keep you fighting ♪

♪ The times to talk right now ♪

♪ It's time to end the silence ♪

- When I was 13 years old,

I told my mother

about the abuse

basically in an attempt to try to save her life

because I thought it would give her ammunition

to get away from my father, who was just abusive all around.

It turned out that she did not believe me

and stand by me.

I guess in just the fact that I had the courage

and the strength to tell and that the police got involved

was enough to temporarily steer my father away.

It also turned out I didn't know it at the time

that I was pregnant by my father,

and then that year before, the day before my 14th birthday,

I gave birth to his son.

- I didn't even tell my child until he was grown

that that was his father.

I put a fake name on the birth certificate

'cause I didn't want nobody

to know I had a child by my uncle.

Me and my son are not close because he's my uncle's child.

- I gave him up for adoption when he was six months old

because I was 14.

And I felt like the first thing I did when he was born

was to promise him that I would protect him

and make sure that he didn't have to suffer as I did,

and I felt like at 14, I couldn't do that

and I really belived in my heart

that by giving him up for adoption,

I was giving him the chance at life that I didn't have.

- [Javenna] Despite the emotional effects

on sexual abuse victims,

it is courage that allows the survivors

to address their feelings about their perpetrator.

- My honest opinion, I hope they burn in hell.

Honestly.

- It's unbelievable that somebody could do that

to any child, let alone their own child.

Oftentimes, people will say, why do I think he did it.

He was just evil.

I mean, that's just evil.

- I was angry, bitter.

I wanted for him to pay for what he'd done.

- I hate him.

I really do.

- I don't wanna look at him, I don't wanna see him.

- I feel sorry for my brother that sexually molested me.

- Did you really think we wanted that?

How can anybody want that?

It's disgusting.

It's vile.

It's sick!

And you gotta think about that for the rest of your life.

- I am fearful because he has daughters.

He has children of his own, all of which are girls.

My biggest fear is if he would do this to his sister,

he's very much so capable of doing this to his own children.

- He says she wanted it too.

She wanted it too.

Your little cousin!

You were like our dad!

You have our names tattooed on you!

♪ That through all of my pain ♪

♪ My victory came ♪

- He has all our pictures!

I hate him!

♪ Had to come my way ♪

♪ I tried to do what's right ♪

♪ I tried to keep my faith ♪

♪ I tried to hold on ♪

♪ And stay in the race ♪

♪ And I pray that tomorrow ♪

♪ Holds a brighter day ♪

♪ I have love in my heart ♪

♪ I'm sweet as can be ♪

♪ I ask the Lord, oh why ♪

♪ All this pain had to happen to me ♪

♪ I know there must be a reason ♪

♪ For the troubles in my life ♪

♪ I understand the plan ♪

♪ So everything's gonna be all right ♪

♪ There's gonna be a brighter day ♪

♪ All because I kept my faith ♪

♪ Now I'm gonna lift my hands ♪

♪ In Jesus' name ♪

♪ But why so much pain ♪

♪ Why so much pain ♪

♪ Had to come my way ♪

♪ I try to do what's right ♪

♪ I try to keep my faith ♪

♪ I tried to hold on ♪

♪ And stay in the race ♪

♪ And I pray that tomorrow ♪

♪ Holds a brighter day ♪

♪ Your alpha and omega ♪

♪ Lord I praise you ♪

♪ Lord I thank you and I praise you ♪

♪ And I give you all the glory ♪

♪ For making a way ♪

♪ Out of no way, you brought a brighter day ♪

♪ You made a way for me ♪

- When I asked these ladies if they were ready

to stop suffering in silence,

this is what they had said.

And the names they revealed were shocking.

- Travis Murray raped me and it's not okay.

I'm not okay with it.

- My father name was John Willard Blann.

My stepfather name was Timothy Spencer.

- Michael Bonner.

And the other friend was actually a relative.

- It wasn't just one person, it was two.

One of them was Charles

and the other one, I only knew him as Spunk.

Charles was 25, and I think Spunk might've been 16.

- My uncle name is Larry Spencer.

My brother name is James Blann.

- I'd rather not say who it is.

- It's many reasons why women don't speak it up.

They're afraid.

Like I said, it's gonna affect their financial status.

They don't want their families to be put through this.

It's just intimidation.

It could be so many different things.

- When a situation like that happened

and it's not tooken care of properly,

you feel like, God!

Do anybody care about what happened to me?

But you don't wanna keep bringing it up

'cause you don't want to cause problems with the family.

- When I was sharing my story about,

being raped coming home from school.

- Mom

- It was Terrance.

And this other guy that raped me.

(babies babbling)

And I tried not to think about it

and I tried to keep suppressing it.

(women hysterically crying)

- [Woman] Tia!

- [Woman] So the same person that raped her raped you?

- Yup.

- [Woman] And she never knew it until this moment right now?

(baby babbling)

- No, I never told anybody.

(Tia crying)

And I never even told my kids that.

(emotional music)

(Tia crying hysterically)

Because I thought that it was just a...

I thought it was just something that kids do,

so it wasn't anything wrong with it.

(Tia crying)

And I thought that it was my fault

because I shouldn't have been walking with them

and I shoulda screamed, I should've said something.

(Tia crying)

And I thought that it was just...

a phase or something they may have been going through.

So I never even said anything to the family

because how do you even say that?

(sad music)

And eventually, I got to a point

that I just stopped thinking about that.

I just didn't think about it anymore.

I just suppressed it.

(women crying)

- I know this is hard.

I know because I have a similar situation,

one of my pedophiles

also molested one of my kids.

(women crying)

You don't know what--

- I don't know what to say to her because I--

(Tia crying)

I thought it was just...

something childish that...

(sighs)

- [Etta] 'Cause nobody who told us that it was wrong.

But if we keep saying

this happens generations after generations

because we're ashamed to tell our kids

what's right and wrong.

We're afraid to talk about it.

We think if we don't tell them, it won't happen to them.

When the opposite is we need to tell them

who to watch, who to be careful,

what signs to watch out for so that our kids are safe.

- [Mia] You right.

It's just how I felt.

I just always felt like...I wish somebody

had had those conversation with me but--

(coughing drowns out speech)

Maybe, my mom, or my parents or my family thought like,

that conversation, it's too premature,

it's too early to have those types of conversation.

- How old were you? - I was 12!

So, yeah.

I feel like that moment

where you start having a certain understanding about sex

and things of that nature,

those are when you need to be having those conversations.

Even if you don't outright say...

(Tia crying)

Don't be so candid with how you phrase

what you're trying to convey but,

we definitely gotta find a way to tell our kids,

to educate our kids, to educate our communities.

- [Javenna] When child sexual abuse

is swept under the rug and kept a secret within the family,

the effects can be devastating.

- I feel...

Blindsided.

(lonely music)

I feel like if you would have

said something sooner,

I wouldn't trust him the way that I did.

And this never would've happened to me

if you would've told me that.

(lonely music)

I understand that it happened to you when you were 13,

like you were still a child yourself.

But you still should've warned us

that it could be in our own family,

that predators could be on us.

Because it happened to you!

(emotional music)

You don't have to be weak to tell somebody

to watch out for everybody.

Not just people on the outside, but family too.

You only protected me from the outside world.

You didn't protect from our own family.

(emotional music)

And I love you so much, but this has made me so mad.

- It kills me that I didn't say anything before,

even act on it or tell anybody or anything

because maybe that I could've avoided it

from happening to my daughter,

but I did not think that he was that way!

Even though it happened to me,

I did not think,

as a grown man

that have been around me for years after that,

and I watched

him mature

and even forgave,

I didn't see him doing that to my child.

- When a victim refuses to remain silent,

only then will justice be served.

- You have these A-list stars who are coming out now

and something is being done

because it's affecting the industry.

It's casting a shadow on even...

your popular directors.

- [Reporter] It's a scene many of his accusers

never thought they'd see.

Harvey Weinstein, a man used to walking red carpets,

now in handcuffs doing a perp walk.

- When I exposed my father, he was prosecuted

and he was given jail time for his crime

of child sexual abuse.

He was initially sentenced to 16 years.

- He ended up getting 10 years for that.

- They basically took a plea bargain

and they didn't have to serve any time.

- No one's ever served time for none of 'em.

- 'Cause who's to say they didn't do that to somebody else?

'Cause I don't know.

They never went to jail.

(emotional music)

- Have I recovered?

- Mm, nah.

I haven't.

- I don't know if I've actually recovered.

I just know I just take it one day at a time.

- I'm still recovering.

(sighs)

Let's just say that.

I'm still recovering.

The more I talk about it,

I feel like the easier it would get.

The more you'll come to grips with it.

That's the biggest thing for me,

just getting it out...so I can take my power back.

- I feel like I've recovered

'cause now I'm freer.

I'm free.

I'm no longer isolated.

- My daughter, she says she has, I don't know.

- I don't know what happened from the time I told her

until I started going to court

and going to the doctors, and going to counseling,

and to me none of that stuff helped

'cause the pain was still there.

Counseling wasn't anything that I felt was needed

'cause I didn't wanna re live it.

- I tried therapy but more than so, I isolated myself.

- It's a lot of work to get to a place of healing.

I have gone through countless therapists,

countless times when I was like, I'm gonna get it together!

And then times when I was like,

I just don't feel like getting it together.

- Yes, I definitely have recovered.

I was able to get help through a counselor

when I was in Job Corps.

At one point in my life, I was suffering from anxiety

and by talking out, I was able to overcome that as well.

So yes, I definitely have recovered.

I came a long way.

- I still have three therapist.

I keep on the phone.

I'm in the behavior health field

so I approach my own life

as well as that of my patients

from a psychological stance.

I have to always remember that if I am not careful,

there is a possibility

that I could fall back to old patterns,

old behaviors, depression,

and I will admit that even now,

having the healing process taking place

that I still have those worries

with having healthy, nourished relationships with men

because I do still look at them like

I'm looking for those warning signs.

Do he possess these behaviors such as my brother?

- When I had to relive it,

that's the worst feeling in the world.

To have to sit there and go to counseling

and draw on some dolls and show them what you,

I don't wanna do that.

- Yeah, it's definitely a process.

I'm not fully recovered

but I am on the journey.

- Have I ever had therapy?

No, because I didn't think I needed it.

I honestly don't think I need it.

(triumphant music)

At one point, I probably would've said okay, I need therapy

and this is gonna help,

but I think I'm fueled by

the campaign

to the point that my healing is in helping others

to never have to suffer the same fate.

That's my healing.

I find therapy in allowing others

to share their stories with me

and helping them to get the help that they need.

That's my therapy.

- On the course of this journey,

what I have learned is that once the abuse starts,

it continues until someone speaks out.

All of these ladies share the same story,

just different faces.

If you or anyone you know

is suffering from child sexual abuse, now is the time.

Speak up, speak out, and end the silence.

- Write a letter.

If you can't verbalize it,

put it on paper and give it to someone you trust.

Drop it off at a school teacher's desk,

pass it to 'em,

but you have to let someone be your voice.

Otherwise, it doesn't stop and it won't stop.

- Please don't shut yourself off from the world.

- There's nothing to be ashamed about.

It's okay to get help.

If you have been sexually abused, it's not your fault.

You are a victim.

- The threats are not real.

They only say that to keep you silent.

- Speak up.

Tell somebody.

- I don't care if it's your mom, your dad, the police.

Run out and tell somebody.

You don't have to suffer in silence alone.

- Tell your story.

Even if it's five years later,

even if it's 10 years later, tell your story.

- You're not alone.

- No matter how hard it is, tell someone, anyone.

- What are some of the things

that you could tell a young lady in your same situation

or feels the threat, the risk of a family

not being able to pay attention...

What, today, that you know you would do different?

What advice would you give?

- I would have...

♪ Been through too much to lay down and die ♪

♪ Fighting for justice ♪

- Gravitated to a few people that I can trust.

And the few people that I could trust were school teachers.

- And if there was something that you wanted to talk about,

I mean something you felt

that you couldn't handle it yourself,

I'd certainly wanna help you out.

- That is if you could do anything about it.

- Well if I couldn't, I'd find somebody for you who could.

Come on, tell me, hon.

- I can't.

I can't tell anyone.

- Maybe it isn't as bad as you think it is, no?

- No.

It is.

- [Teacher] What is?

- My...

My father's been messing around with me.

- Speak out.

Somebody is going through the same exact thing as you.

Don't let them be a victim as well.

The sooner you step out, somebody else will too.

You never know who's looking up to you,

who can be encouraged by you,

who can end their pain because of you.

(record rewinding)

- He just did it again.

- Why is this happening to us?

Yesterday it was me, now you?

- I'm tired of this.

Wanda, what are we gonna do?

- I say, we end it.

Yeah, that's what we'll do.

We'll end it.

- This aint supposed to happen to kids our age.

- That's why we'll end it.

That's the only way it's gonna stop.

- But what's the best way you think we should end it?

- We'll end the silence.

I know the number to the lady

who runs #protectourgirlscampaign.

She'll know what to do.

(phone beeping)

♪ My babies look at me and cry ♪

(phone rings)

♪ All I could do is lie ♪

- [Wanda] Hi, this is Wanda

with Protect Our Girls Campaign.

How may I help you?

- Hi, my name is Wanda and I've been sexually abused.

(hiphop music)

♪ Trying to put food up on the table ♪

♪ With no money just trying to get by ♪

♪ Kids screaming daddy I'm hungry ♪

♪ Telling 'em it's coming and it hurts to lie ♪

♪ So I say wipe your eyes go to sleep ♪

♪ You'll have some when you wake up ♪

♪ Gotta make a run for this paper ♪

♪ Oh Lord please save us ♪

♪ From this poverty paradise ♪

♪ God have mercy ♪

♪ Trapped in this vampire life and I'm thirsty ♪

♪ Feeling unworthy ♪

♪ And it disturbs me ♪

♪ Searching for answers ♪

♪ Where will the words be ♪

♪ It feels like everyone's got 'em but me ♪

♪ And I've been grinding and oh I've been trying ♪

♪ But nothing worthwhile ever comes easy ♪

♪ So I keep fighting on ♪

♪ I keep grinding now ♪

♪ Trying to put food up on the table ♪

♪ With no money, just trying to get by ♪

♪ Kids screaming daddy I'm hungry ♪

♪ Telling 'em it's coming and it hurts to lie ♪

♪ So I say wipe your eyes, go to sleep ♪

♪ You'll have something when you wake up ♪

♪ Gotta make a run for this paper, okay ♪

♪ Oh Lord please save us ♪

♪ From this poverty paradise ♪

♪ Momma gon' get this paper I know it's something to gain ♪

♪ My daughter aint going hungry ♪

♪ I hustle to make the change ♪

♪ Grinding to meet the budget ♪

♪ Still boy you rumble with pain ♪

♪ And only God can judge me I'm going against the grain ♪

♪ The oath of all strictly just to get it ♪

♪ Blessings in disguise I pray to God I never miss 'em ♪

♪ Metal roasting this fire already stumbled but gifted ♪

♪ I've been to hell and I'm back ♪

♪ Already humble because it's late ♪

♪ And temporarily y'all see ♪

♪ How working daddy patience gotta pay off, B ♪

♪ Wait go and get it so I never have to lie ♪

♪ This mother love unconditional ♪

♪ They never gon' deny ♪

♪ Mommy gon' hit the streets do overtime at the job ♪

♪ I'm making the ends meet, hate seeing my baby cry ♪

♪ Look in my baby eyes and give it all up to God ♪

♪ And finally I'm breaking even ♪

♪ I'm going against the odds ♪

♪ Trying to food up on the table ♪

♪ With no money, just trying to get by ♪

♪ Kids screaming, daddy I'm hungry ♪

♪ I'm telling him it's coming and it hurts to lie ♪

♪ So I say wipe your eyes, go to sleep ♪

♪ You'll have some when you wake up ♪

♪ Gotta make a run for this paper ♪

♪ Oh Lord, please save us ♪

- Just hold the call, hold up.

♪ In this poverty paradise ♪

♪ My sanctions they have knocks the mezzanine ♪

♪ Then they hurt with the dollar and the dream ♪

♪ Food stamps and do the microphone thing ♪

♪ Consuming my welfare you can't take my welfare ♪

♪ Don't speak about your agony ♪

♪ 'Cause the block don't care ♪

♪ My black men tagged with life are chewed by cops ♪

♪ Pimps and hustlers of vice ♪

♪ Get down from beginning sacrifice ♪

♪ Addiction depicting their life now slipping ♪

♪ And the methadone clinic with amphetamine zenith ♪

♪ I checked the bars why your arms got stars ♪

♪ So I basically built a mirage ♪

♪ Please save me God ♪

♪ My adolescence those Saturdays where they're dressing ♪

♪ The feast is with the weapon ♪

♪ And the hood know how to step in ♪

♪ My kids are waiting forbade 'em ♪

♪ The world I hate 'em ♪

♪ Looking sour and low ♪

♪ And the heavens where we 'posed to go ♪

♪ My paradise is poverty onto me ♪

♪ We gain hours to speak with the wisdom you teach but ♪

♪ Putting food up on the table ♪

♪ With no money just trying to get by ♪

♪ Kids screaming daddy I'm hungry ♪

♪ I'm telling 'em it's coming and it hurts to lie ♪

♪ So I say wipe your eyes, go to sleep ♪

♪ You'll have some when you wake up ♪

♪ Gotta make a run for this paper ♪

♪ I love this ♪

♪ Oh Lord please save us ♪

♪ From this poverty paradise ♪

♪ Come on, let's talk ♪

♪ Hey yo, I'ma give it up to my daughter ♪

♪ That's my world, man ♪

♪ Say man, board some more of this finest shit ♪

♪ Holds this down ♪

♪ Aye yo, Drewskie ♪

♪ Low key ♪

♪ That's my Barrymore you know ♪

♪ Holla, baby ♪

♪ Aye yo, brushed by the Lord ♪

♪ My right-hand man ♪

♪ That's my shooter ♪

♪ That's what Big Talk upon ♪

♪ Once you give up block to block ♪

♪ Rock to rock and Glock to Glock ♪

♪ For I had nothing, don't forget that ♪

♪ Aye yo, y'all niggas do me a favor holla back ♪

♪ As a matter of fact, uh-uh ♪

♪ Shut the fuck up ♪

♪ Put some food up on the table ♪

♪ Sleek's back with one ♪

♪ Yes sir ♪

♪ Yo Red Man, where you at, baby ♪

♪ Yo Mary, where you at baby ♪

♪ Hey son, do that shit ♪

♪ Oh man ♪

♪ Slay y'all ♪

♪ Oh, man ♪

♪ Hey yo, Jack, see you baby ♪

♪ And let it so ♪

♪ You'll dial still, listen ♪

♪ Still talking ♪

♪ Still talking ♪

♪ Hey yo, we'll have a sample in this ♪

♪ While I have my boys with me ♪

♪ That's going publishing baby ♪

♪ Aye, yo ♪

(hiphop music)