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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,996 There it is, Finisham Hospital 2 00:02:03,031 --> 00:02:06,282 - our next job. - What? A maternity hospital? 3 00:02:06,317 --> 00:02:08,960 That's it. Headquarters of the famous Pudding Club. 4 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,917 - What have they got to nick? - Pills. 5 00:02:10,952 --> 00:02:11,954 Pills? 6 00:02:11,989 --> 00:02:14,081 Not just ordinary pills, the pill. 7 00:02:14,116 --> 00:02:16,316 They've got hundreds of thousands in there. 8 00:02:16,351 --> 00:02:17,764 What? In a maternity hospital? 9 00:02:17,799 --> 00:02:20,313 It's closing the stable door after the horse has gone. 10 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:24,672 No, no, no. They're just stored there for use in the family planning clinics. 11 00:02:24,707 --> 00:02:27,479 Dad, if they hand them out free, what can you make out of them? 12 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,083 Nothing here, son. 13 00:02:29,118 --> 00:02:33,830 But I know a couple of countries that'll take as many as they can get and pay a fortune. 14 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,523 Dr Cross. 15 00:02:39,558 --> 00:02:41,561 Dr Cross to Casualty, please. 16 00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:43,616 Well, Miss Willing, so you're leaving us. 17 00:02:43,651 --> 00:02:45,601 Yeah. Not exactly empty-handed, neither. 18 00:02:45,636 --> 00:02:50,430 Oh, now, now, you mustn't be bitter about it. You have a beautiful baby there. 19 00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:52,043 I wish I had one like it. 20 00:02:52,078 --> 00:02:55,470 Yes, well, if you run into the same bloke as I did, you can have one. 21 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,992 - Who's this, then? - That's Sir Bernard Cutting, the head chopper. 22 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,898 Ah, another little angel leaving the fold. 23 00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:12,802 Let me have a last look at the little chap. 24 00:03:12,837 --> 00:03:15,354 You can have him for keeps as far as I'm concerned. 25 00:03:15,389 --> 00:03:17,635 Careful, my dear. I might take you up on that. 26 00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:20,513 He's a splendid little fellow, isn't he? 27 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,123 Yes, he is. 28 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,390 Oh. I think you can have him back now. 29 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,164 Again? That's the fifth this morning. 30 00:03:28,199 --> 00:03:30,919 - He must have a leak. - I think he's just had one. 31 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,431 - Good morning, Sir Bernard. - Morning, Arthur. Good morning, Matron. 32 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,612 - How are you? - I'm all right. Why shouldn't I be all right? 33 00:03:39,647 --> 00:03:42,758 - I look all right, don't I? - Oh, you've never looked better. 34 00:03:42,793 --> 00:03:45,558 Then why did you ask me how I was? 35 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:49,673 No particular reason. Just with all this Asian flu about. 36 00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:51,283 What Asian flu? 37 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,754 Oh, it's only what I read in the papers. 38 00:03:53,789 --> 00:03:57,395 You can't believe a thing you read in the papers. 39 00:03:57,430 --> 00:03:59,754 Asian flu indeed! 40 00:03:59,789 --> 00:04:01,244 What a lot of rubbish. 41 00:04:01,279 --> 00:04:02,952 Would you like to do the rounds now? 42 00:04:02,987 --> 00:04:04,563 What? 43 00:04:04,598 --> 00:04:08,229 No. I can't be bothered with all that today. I don't feel well enough. 44 00:04:08,264 --> 00:04:10,595 I think I've got Asian flu. 45 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,674 Poor Sir Bernard. He's only got to read of some complaint and he's convinced he's got it. 46 00:04:16,709 --> 00:04:18,637 I wonder if he's read Gone With The Wind. 47 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,077 H... I... 48 00:04:25,112 --> 00:04:27,395 Influenza. Asian. 49 00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:32,116 Asian flu. Highly infectious virus disease, often resulting in death. 50 00:04:32,151 --> 00:04:32,836 Death! 51 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,479 Symptoms: 52 00:04:36,514 --> 00:04:43,278 fever, dizziness, rapid pulse, yellowing of the eyeballs. 53 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:56,041 - Matron, any news yet, then? - Oh, Mr Tidey, are you still here? 54 00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:59,709 Of course I'm still here. I've been here since 10:42 last night, haven't I? 55 00:04:59,744 --> 00:05:02,438 I should know. I'd just seen the 10:17 off to Reading. 56 00:05:02,473 --> 00:05:06,599 - Did you indeed? - Stopping all stations except Eton and Twyford. 57 00:05:06,634 --> 00:05:08,511 Quite. And haven't you had your baby yet? 58 00:05:08,546 --> 00:05:10,317 Well, of course I haven't. 59 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,157 I wouldn't be still here, would I? 60 00:05:12,192 --> 00:05:14,490 Here, what's gone wrong? What's happening? 61 00:05:14,525 --> 00:05:16,789 Perhaps we're running a little late, Mr Tidey. 62 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,763 Well, I can't hang around here. I've got work to do, you know. 63 00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:24,634 Well, I'm just going round the wards. I'll find out what the situation is. 64 00:05:24,669 --> 00:05:27,632 Tell her I've been here all night, and to get her finger out. 65 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,035 You wait here. I'll case the joint. 66 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,483 Morning. 67 00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:47,135 - Visiting? - Well, I'm not producing. 68 00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:49,642 I mean, are you expecting a baby, or what? 69 00:05:49,677 --> 00:05:52,080 Oh, definitely a baby. I don't like whats. 70 00:05:52,115 --> 00:05:55,078 - The waiting room is over there. - Thank you, mate. 71 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,554 If it's a boy, I'll name him Happy, after you. 72 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,240 Bye! 73 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,201 Blimey, she looked upset, doc. 74 00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:14,712 - I'm not surprised. I told her she was pregnant. - What? 75 00:06:14,747 --> 00:06:18,189 - Is she really? - No, but it certainly cured her hiccups. 76 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,441 - Excuse me. - Yes? 77 00:06:21,476 --> 00:06:23,516 Are you expectant, or have you had it? 78 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,710 No. But if you can spare the time... 79 00:06:25,745 --> 00:06:27,870 - Wait in there, please. - Thank you. 80 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,315 - Did they just send for you? - That's right. 81 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:38,672 It don't mean anything, you know. The last two weeks, they've sent for me nine times. 82 00:06:38,707 --> 00:06:40,522 All I've had is a cup of tea and a biscuit. 83 00:06:40,557 --> 00:06:43,476 It's not good enough. I'd tell them to forget it. 84 00:06:43,511 --> 00:06:46,396 - How can you forget it? - Cancel the whole thing. 85 00:06:46,431 --> 00:06:48,436 But we've done it, haven't we? 86 00:06:48,471 --> 00:06:50,237 How can you cancel it? 87 00:06:50,272 --> 00:06:52,032 Tell 'em you've changed your mind. 88 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,236 Oh... wey! 89 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,311 Has she had it, then? 90 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,360 I... 91 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,279 Could you get me The Guinness Book Of Records, please? 92 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,963 - Good morning, Nurse Ball. - Good morning, Matron. 93 00:07:24,998 --> 00:07:28,709 - Where's Sister? - In delivery, Matron. Mrs Hodgkiss has gone in. 94 00:07:28,744 --> 00:07:31,439 - Oh, good. And what about Mrs Tidey? - Afraid not. 95 00:07:31,474 --> 00:07:33,590 She's back here again. 96 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:41,513 - Another false alarm, Mrs Tidey? - I'm afraid so. I reckon it was just wind again. 97 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,521 I wouldn't be at all surprised. 98 00:07:43,556 --> 00:07:49,192 Well, now, you're three weeks overdue and your husband's getting very impatient. 99 00:07:49,227 --> 00:07:50,803 Him? 100 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,832 Well, he can talk. It took him seven years to get me pregnant. 101 00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,841 Now I am, I'm going to enjoy myself. 102 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,918 If nothing happens soon, we must think about inducing labour. 103 00:07:58,953 --> 00:08:00,717 What? Just to please him? 104 00:08:00,752 --> 00:08:04,594 Oh, it's only a bit over nine months. He should be thankful I'm not an elephant. 105 00:08:04,629 --> 00:08:07,911 Well, I'm sure we're all very thankful for that, Mrs Tidey. 106 00:08:10,956 --> 00:08:13,136 Now, stop being silly, Mrs Pullitt. 107 00:08:13,171 --> 00:08:15,316 Your baby's perfectly all right. 108 00:08:15,351 --> 00:08:17,321 He's not! He's not! 109 00:08:17,356 --> 00:08:19,714 - What's the matter, Nurse? - It's nothing, Matron. 110 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:23,037 What do you mean? I tell you, there's something wrong with him. 111 00:08:23,072 --> 00:08:26,271 Nonsense, Mrs Pullitt. You have a fine little boy. 112 00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,112 Take a look at his little thing, then. 113 00:08:28,147 --> 00:08:29,553 His what? Oh... 114 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,795 Well, I can't see anything wrong with it. 115 00:08:32,830 --> 00:08:34,632 But it's all bent to one side. 116 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,639 Don't you worry, Mrs Pullitt. We'll have everything straightened out before you leave. 117 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,441 How the hell can we change our minds? 118 00:08:44,476 --> 00:08:47,836 You can't undo what's already been done, can you? 119 00:08:47,871 --> 00:08:49,793 What's been done, then? 120 00:08:49,828 --> 00:08:51,681 - She has. - Has she? 121 00:08:51,716 --> 00:08:53,721 She's over nine months gone. 122 00:08:53,756 --> 00:08:55,876 Don't worry, mate. She'll come back. 123 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,036 How can you come... back? 124 00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:02,831 Oh... 125 00:09:02,866 --> 00:09:04,591 Matron. 126 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,390 - Well, what's happened? - I'm afraid it was another false alarm, Mr Tidey. 127 00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:11,948 - You may as well go back to work. - Go back to work? 128 00:09:11,983 --> 00:09:13,757 It was due three weeks ago. 129 00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:17,759 Well, I'm sorry, Mr Tidey, but babies tend to arrive when they feel like it. 130 00:09:17,794 --> 00:09:19,557 There's nothing we can do about it. 131 00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:21,761 That's a fine state of affairs, innit, eh? 132 00:09:21,796 --> 00:09:25,793 We'd soon be in a right old mess if we ran the railways like that. 133 00:09:25,828 --> 00:09:27,711 I was under the impression that you did. 134 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:29,520 Ha-ha. 135 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,041 - Can I help you at all? - Er... 136 00:09:43,076 --> 00:09:45,230 No, thanks. I'm just passing the time. 137 00:09:45,265 --> 00:09:46,843 Are you awaiting a birth? 138 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,881 - Yes. That's it. - Who are you? 139 00:09:48,916 --> 00:09:51,070 - The father. I hope. - What name is it? 140 00:09:51,105 --> 00:09:52,673 - Name? - What's your name? 141 00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:54,751 Oh! My name? 142 00:09:54,786 --> 00:09:55,760 I er... 143 00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,073 That's funny. 144 00:09:57,108 --> 00:09:59,156 I know I had one when I came in here. 145 00:09:59,191 --> 00:10:00,354 Hang on. Let me think. 146 00:10:00,389 --> 00:10:03,153 - Mr Hodgkiss? - That's it. Hodgkiss. That's me. 147 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,989 Well, congratulations, Mr Hodgkiss. Your wife's had twin boys. 148 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,001 Get away! 149 00:10:10,036 --> 00:10:12,190 That's very nice. Thank you very much. 150 00:10:12,225 --> 00:10:13,803 Thank you, too. 151 00:10:13,838 --> 00:10:15,976 Yes, well, I'll be pushing off, then. 152 00:10:16,011 --> 00:10:18,080 Don't you want to see them, or your wife? 153 00:10:18,115 --> 00:10:21,476 No, not just now. I've got the girlfriend waiting outside. 154 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:24,437 That'll do, Sister. 155 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,716 - Get moving! - What's all the fuss, Dad? 156 00:10:31,751 --> 00:10:33,517 I've just become the father of twins. 157 00:10:33,552 --> 00:10:36,791 - Congratulations. - Oh, shut up. Come on, get. Hurry up! 158 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,475 Did you find out where they keep the pills? 159 00:10:46,510 --> 00:10:48,083 Nah, didn't have time. 160 00:10:48,118 --> 00:10:49,917 But I reckon I know how to now. 161 00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:52,314 Son, you're going to go to work at last. 162 00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:54,965 Dad, couldn't you possibly manage without me? 163 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,231 You're getting on. You've got to start work sometime, haven't you? 164 00:10:58,266 --> 00:11:00,834 The fact is, I've had this offer of a job. In insurance. 165 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,309 He wants to go straight before he's been crooked. 166 00:11:03,344 --> 00:11:05,749 - He doesn't mean it, do you? - Of course he doesn't. 167 00:11:05,784 --> 00:11:07,363 - Yes, I do. - He does. 168 00:11:07,398 --> 00:11:09,197 A good job your mother can't hear you. 169 00:11:09,232 --> 00:11:12,437 You promised on her deathbed you'd go into business with your father. 170 00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,112 I was six years old at the time. 171 00:11:14,147 --> 00:11:15,883 Son, I'm depending on you. 172 00:11:15,918 --> 00:11:18,758 You're the only bloke who could do what I've got in mind. 173 00:11:18,793 --> 00:11:21,598 - If you really mean that, Dad, I suppose... - That's my boy. 174 00:11:21,633 --> 00:11:22,998 What do you want me to do? 175 00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:27,477 Well, if I could get somebody into this hospital officially, they'd be able to nose about a bit. 176 00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:29,880 - You mean me. - You've got it. 177 00:11:29,915 --> 00:11:33,356 - Dad, it's a maternity hospital. - No, no, no. Not as a patient. 178 00:11:33,391 --> 00:11:34,473 Thank goodness. 179 00:11:34,508 --> 00:11:35,555 As a nurse. 180 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,759 Well, your pulse beat's all right, Sir Bernard. 181 00:11:41,794 --> 00:11:43,158 Strong? 182 00:11:43,193 --> 00:11:45,236 Beautifully strong. 183 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:49,989 - And that's all right too. - Normal? 184 00:11:50,024 --> 00:11:52,001 Wonderfully normal. 185 00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:54,041 Well, it wasn't half an hour ago. 186 00:11:54,076 --> 00:11:56,390 I was right up. You ask Miss Banks. Wasn't I, dear? 187 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,400 - Yes. - Yes. 188 00:11:57,435 --> 00:12:02,275 Well, I can assure you, whatever else you may have, it certainly is not Asian flu. 189 00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:04,281 Of course not! 190 00:12:04,316 --> 00:12:06,959 I knew that. I could have told you. 191 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:10,435 What do you mean, whatever else I might have had? 192 00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:15,429 Oh, well, you were probably suffering from some slight digestive upset, or something. 193 00:12:15,464 --> 00:12:17,078 How are your bowels? 194 00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:18,877 My bowels? 195 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,354 They're perfectly all right. Why bring them into it? 196 00:12:21,389 --> 00:12:26,031 Well, as you well know, Sir Bernard, irregularity can cause slight fever symptoms. 197 00:12:26,066 --> 00:12:28,724 I'm not irregular. 198 00:12:28,759 --> 00:12:33,197 I'll have you know, I'm one of the most regular fellows in the business. 199 00:12:33,232 --> 00:12:36,855 - As long as you have no pain, or discomfort... - Certainly not. 200 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:40,478 Now, if you'll kindly both stop fussing and go, I have work to do. 201 00:12:40,513 --> 00:12:42,516 Very well, Sir Bernard. 202 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,176 - Oh, there was one small problem, Sir Bernard. - What is it? 203 00:12:48,211 --> 00:12:51,637 - Mrs Tidey, in Bunn Ward, you know? - Yes! What about her? 204 00:12:51,672 --> 00:12:56,515 She's three weeks over her time and I was wondering if we ought to consider bringing it on. 205 00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:58,601 Bring it on? Bring what on? 206 00:12:58,636 --> 00:13:02,474 - Why, the birth! - Bring it on, bring it off. What do I care? 207 00:13:02,509 --> 00:13:04,993 Really, Sir Bernard! 208 00:13:05,028 --> 00:13:07,235 Can't anyone else make a decision around here? 209 00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:11,069 Ask Dr Prodd. I've got far more important things to worry about. 210 00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:12,877 Very well, Sir Bernard. 211 00:13:12,912 --> 00:13:17,198 And if you'll take my advice, you'll lie down and have a good rest. 212 00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:19,475 I don't need a good rest. 213 00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:21,636 I'm perfectly all right, do you hear? 214 00:13:21,671 --> 00:13:23,641 B... Bowels. 215 00:13:23,676 --> 00:13:27,150 Diseases of. Oh! Diseases of the bowels. 216 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,113 All right. You can get dressed again, Mrs Jenkins. 217 00:13:34,148 --> 00:13:37,431 Upon my soul, if it ain't Nurse Ball. 218 00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:39,476 The fairest flower of them all. 219 00:13:39,511 --> 00:13:41,481 A present for you, Doctor. 220 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:44,033 No, no. You cannot tempt me with strong drink. 221 00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:47,596 Funny. Those were my exact words to you when I first came here. 222 00:13:47,631 --> 00:13:49,601 Touche. 223 00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:51,641 Fresh as a mountain stream. 224 00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:55,389 Why don't you take your shoes and socks off and have a nice paddle? 225 00:13:55,424 --> 00:13:57,630 I'll get you in the end, you little minx. 226 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,043 Well, Doctor? 227 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,833 Yes. I'm afraid you're pregnant again, Mrs Jenkins. 228 00:14:07,868 --> 00:14:10,445 - What? - You're pregnant again. 229 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,996 Oh, no, not again. It's too much. It really is. 230 00:14:14,031 --> 00:14:16,036 I thought you were stopping that nonsense. 231 00:14:16,071 --> 00:14:20,039 - What? - I thought you were stopping having relations. 232 00:14:20,074 --> 00:14:22,041 Oh, I've tried, Doctor. 233 00:14:22,076 --> 00:14:27,518 But you know what it is? My husband gets into bed and says, "Are you going to sleep, or what?" 234 00:14:27,553 --> 00:14:29,476 And you say, What? 235 00:14:29,511 --> 00:14:31,521 Well, that settles it this time. 236 00:14:31,556 --> 00:14:35,679 Whether he likes it or not, I'm going to use something from now on. 237 00:14:35,714 --> 00:14:36,999 You'd better, Mrs Jenkins. 238 00:14:37,034 --> 00:14:39,291 What do you think's the safest, Doctor? 239 00:14:39,326 --> 00:14:41,548 For you, Mrs Jenkins, a hearing aid. 240 00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:43,232 - What? - Oh, dear. 241 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,511 Come on, son. Hurry up. I want to get you in there by six. 242 00:14:53,546 --> 00:14:55,078 I'm nearly ready. 243 00:14:55,113 --> 00:14:57,191 Women always take a long time dressing. 244 00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:59,236 Especially when they're men. 245 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,038 Well, this is the best I can do. 246 00:15:05,073 --> 00:15:06,994 I fancy you, dear! 247 00:15:07,029 --> 00:15:08,916 Cyril! You look... 248 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,832 - You look lovely. - Come off it. 249 00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,430 - Hello! - Get off! 250 00:15:13,465 --> 00:15:14,958 Leave her alone. 251 00:15:14,993 --> 00:15:17,434 What do you think, Dad? 252 00:15:17,469 --> 00:15:20,032 - Dad? What's the matter? - Nothing. 253 00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:22,511 It's just a bit of a shock, that's all. 254 00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,955 It's like seeing your poor old mum again. 255 00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:26,836 Well, I think he looks lovely. 256 00:15:26,871 --> 00:15:30,316 - He could have fooled me any time. - Well, that shouldn't be too difficult. 257 00:15:30,351 --> 00:15:31,958 I think we should get a woman to do it. 258 00:15:31,993 --> 00:15:33,961 No, no, son. 259 00:15:33,996 --> 00:15:38,710 In this business, you never want to trust a woman to do anything you can do yourself. 260 00:15:38,745 --> 00:15:41,233 I reckon he'll pass. What do you say, Fred? 261 00:15:41,268 --> 00:15:43,635 I was thinking... Couldn't he do with more here? 262 00:15:43,670 --> 00:15:44,754 What for? 263 00:15:44,789 --> 00:15:47,269 I agree with Freddy. I'd like to see a bit more. 264 00:15:47,304 --> 00:15:49,077 You would. 265 00:15:49,112 --> 00:15:53,159 Don't you realise that's the point? He doesn't want to draw attention to himself. 266 00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:56,117 If you make 'em any bigger, everybody's going to start gawping. 267 00:15:56,152 --> 00:15:59,630 - I could stick some socks in. - Forget it. They're just a couple of knockers. 268 00:15:59,665 --> 00:16:01,690 Them, I mean. 269 00:16:01,725 --> 00:16:03,681 Turn round. 270 00:16:03,716 --> 00:16:05,357 This skirt's a bit tight, isn't it? 271 00:16:05,392 --> 00:16:08,552 I like seeing women in tight skirts. Especially from behind. 272 00:16:08,587 --> 00:16:10,561 Shut up. 273 00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,148 What have you got under here? Tin drawers? 274 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,870 What the hell have you got your trousers on for? 275 00:16:19,905 --> 00:16:22,150 What's the matter? Nobody'll look up there. 276 00:16:22,185 --> 00:16:24,360 How do you know? You're a nurse, aren't you? 277 00:16:24,395 --> 00:16:28,553 A patient might drop in a dead faint at your feet, come to, look up, what's she going to see? 278 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,232 A lot more without these on. 279 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,313 Shut up laughing. Did you get the knickers? 280 00:16:34,348 --> 00:16:35,923 Yeah. Black lace ones. 281 00:16:35,958 --> 00:16:38,429 I got some strange looks from the shop assistants. 282 00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,043 Go and get 'em. Go on. 283 00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:42,456 Dad, nurses don't wear black lace ones. 284 00:16:42,491 --> 00:16:44,835 They don't wear rolled-up trousers, either. 285 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,401 There they are. 286 00:16:49,436 --> 00:16:51,273 They're OK. What's wrong with 'em? 287 00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:53,076 There's no opening in the front. 288 00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:55,714 - Of course not! Women don't have 'em. - I know! 289 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,518 Well, shut up arguing and put 'em on. 290 00:16:57,553 --> 00:16:59,123 All right, Dad. 291 00:16:59,158 --> 00:17:00,923 Can't I go disguised as a male orderly? 292 00:17:00,958 --> 00:17:05,909 Are you raving mad? Have you ever heard of a male orderly wearing black lace knickers? 293 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,274 Well, I certainly can't see anything wrong with your stomach, Sir Bernard. 294 00:17:12,309 --> 00:17:14,885 Yes... well, I didn't really expect you to, you know. 295 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,959 It was just one of Matron's foolish fancies and we have to humour her, you know? 296 00:17:18,994 --> 00:17:21,918 Yes. She's always had a very soft spot for you, Sir Bernard. 297 00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,774 That's only to be expected. 298 00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,561 She admires a man of character. 299 00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:28,334 Well, I won't waste any more of your time, Pearson. 300 00:17:28,369 --> 00:17:31,073 I must say, your pelvic cavity's very interesting. 301 00:17:31,108 --> 00:17:33,081 Oh? In what way? 302 00:17:33,116 --> 00:17:36,078 Well, it's rather large for a man. More like a woman. 303 00:17:36,113 --> 00:17:37,683 Ooh... 304 00:17:37,718 --> 00:17:40,882 Yes, it is. It never used to be like that. 305 00:17:40,917 --> 00:17:44,355 - Well, what does it... mean? - It's nothing to worry about, Sir Bernard. 306 00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:49,315 On the contrary, as you well know, it can be a great asset when it comes to child-bearing. 307 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,721 Yes... Well, if you'll excuse me, Pearson, I have a lot to do. 308 00:17:53,756 --> 00:17:57,355 A woman's work is never done. I mean, a man's work is never fun. Goodbye. 309 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,201 It can't be. 310 00:18:03,236 --> 00:18:05,072 Oh, it's impossible. 311 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,281 Sit down, will you? 312 00:18:08,316 --> 00:18:10,799 - Name, please. - Smethurst. 313 00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:14,515 Oh, yes. I have some good news for you, Mrs Smethurst. 314 00:18:14,550 --> 00:18:15,884 Miss Smethurst. 315 00:18:15,919 --> 00:18:20,198 Oh. In that case, I have some bad news for you, Miss Smethurst. 316 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,912 Next, please. 317 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:33,189 - Good morning, Doctor. - Get your clothes off. I'll be with you in a minute. 318 00:18:33,224 --> 00:18:35,316 I don't think that'll be necessary, Doctor. 319 00:18:35,351 --> 00:18:37,231 Sorry. I wasn't expecting you, Matron. 320 00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:38,638 Obviously. 321 00:18:38,673 --> 00:18:41,228 I'd like to talk to you about Mrs Tidey in Bunn Ward. 322 00:18:41,263 --> 00:18:43,162 The one with the bottomless stomach. 323 00:18:43,197 --> 00:18:45,669 I think we ought to induce labour this evening. 324 00:18:45,704 --> 00:18:47,636 Oh, yeah? What does the old rabbi say? 325 00:18:47,671 --> 00:18:51,479 If by "the old rabbi" you mean Sir Bernard Cutting, 326 00:18:51,514 --> 00:18:55,593 he's quite prepared to leave the final decision to you, strange as that may seem. 327 00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:58,194 If you say this evening, that's all right with me. 328 00:18:58,229 --> 00:19:00,053 Thank you, Doctor. 329 00:19:00,088 --> 00:19:01,843 Oh. Incidentally... 330 00:19:01,878 --> 00:19:04,997 I'm expecting some more student nurses today. 331 00:19:05,032 --> 00:19:07,195 Oh, really? 332 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:11,711 I would like to point out that they are in this hospital to further their education. 333 00:19:11,746 --> 00:19:15,315 Don't worry, Matron. I shall do everything I possibly can with them. 334 00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:18,073 That's just what I wish to avoid. 335 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:31,670 Remember, I want you to find out where they keep the stuff and get me a plan of the hospital. 336 00:19:31,705 --> 00:19:34,478 But what if somebody stops me and asks me what I'm doing? 337 00:19:34,513 --> 00:19:38,319 That's the beauty of this nurse's gear. Nobody's going to give you a second look. 338 00:19:38,354 --> 00:19:42,592 - It's the first look I'm worried about. - You've no need to be, honest. You look lovely. 339 00:19:42,627 --> 00:19:45,911 - Will you stop telling him he looks lovely? - Well, he does. 340 00:19:45,946 --> 00:19:48,354 We'll drop it all and put him in for Miss World. 341 00:19:48,389 --> 00:19:51,916 There's a load of nurses arriving now. Look. 342 00:19:51,951 --> 00:19:53,717 It's half past five. 343 00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:56,513 They must be going on duty. Go on. Now's your chance. 344 00:19:56,548 --> 00:19:58,830 - Hey? - Just tag along behind 'em. 345 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,443 Well, go on. Get a move on! 346 00:20:00,478 --> 00:20:03,028 I can't move fast. These damn knickers are too tight! 347 00:20:03,063 --> 00:20:05,031 It's much safer that way. Ask any girl. 348 00:20:05,066 --> 00:20:07,270 Do you mind? Come on. Hurry up. 349 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,838 That's it, son. Remember, we're depending on you. Good luck. 350 00:20:13,873 --> 00:20:16,309 Yeah. I'm going to need it. 351 00:20:16,344 --> 00:20:18,038 Ha-ha. That's my girl. 352 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,476 Report to the desk, girls. 353 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,278 Excuse me, miss. 354 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:46,837 - Are you with the others? - Oh, er... Yes. That's right. 355 00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,433 Over there. 356 00:20:48,468 --> 00:20:50,441 Oh... 357 00:20:50,476 --> 00:20:51,834 Thank you. 358 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,643 Name? 359 00:20:58,678 --> 00:21:00,681 - Carter. - Carter... 360 00:21:00,716 --> 00:21:03,037 - First name? - Er... Cyril. 361 00:21:03,072 --> 00:21:05,358 - Cyril? - Um... Cyrille. 362 00:21:05,393 --> 00:21:07,155 C- Y-R-I-L... 363 00:21:07,190 --> 00:21:08,971 double L-E. 364 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,717 Cyrille... 365 00:21:10,752 --> 00:21:12,477 A very unusual name. 366 00:21:12,512 --> 00:21:14,317 It's a Cyrille... It's a real name. 367 00:21:14,352 --> 00:21:16,954 Would you like to sit over there with the rest, please? 368 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,276 Can't you sit down, Nurse Carter? 369 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,916 - No, I can't. - You what? 370 00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:26,473 My er... The elastic's gone. 371 00:21:26,508 --> 00:21:27,719 Oh, dear. 372 00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:29,558 I don't suppose you've got a safety pin. 373 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,235 - Yes. - Thank you. 374 00:22:09,513 --> 00:22:12,956 Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Haven't you made a mistake? 375 00:22:12,991 --> 00:22:14,953 - How do you mean? - This is the Gents. 376 00:22:14,988 --> 00:22:16,916 Yes. I know it is. 377 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,241 Oh, er... 378 00:22:20,276 --> 00:22:21,678 Er... knickers. 379 00:22:21,713 --> 00:22:24,519 I'm terribly sorry. Please forgive me. 380 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,521 I don't mind in the least. 381 00:22:27,556 --> 00:22:29,596 No need to worry. I won't tell a soul. 382 00:22:29,631 --> 00:22:31,203 About what? 383 00:22:31,238 --> 00:22:33,675 Black lace ones, eh? Very kinky. 384 00:22:33,710 --> 00:22:34,425 Eh? 385 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,738 Don't rush off, love. 386 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,676 I was only kidding, love. 387 00:22:39,711 --> 00:22:40,999 Uh-oh. 388 00:22:41,034 --> 00:22:43,553 Dr Prodd, I've been waiting for you. 389 00:22:43,588 --> 00:22:46,911 Oh, there you are, Matron. I was just looking for you. 390 00:22:46,946 --> 00:22:49,468 That is the last place you would have found me. 391 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,314 - I see what you mean. - May I ask what that nurse was doing in there? 392 00:22:54,349 --> 00:22:56,117 Pinning up her knicker... 393 00:22:56,152 --> 00:22:59,312 No. The poor kid just made a mistake. Went in the wrong door. 394 00:22:59,347 --> 00:23:01,755 - And you just happened to be in there? - Yeah... 395 00:23:01,790 --> 00:23:03,955 No! No, no. I... 396 00:23:03,990 --> 00:23:07,152 - I went in after her. - That I can believe. 397 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,355 Mrs Kemp, I'm rather busy at the moment. 398 00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:13,552 Would you mind taking the nurses to the home and allocate rooms? 399 00:23:13,587 --> 00:23:16,518 Certainly, Matron. Girls, come along. Follow me, please. 400 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:33,109 When you've finished, Dr Prodd, perhaps we can carry on with the business of the hospital? 401 00:23:33,144 --> 00:23:35,156 After you, Matron. 402 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:55,719 That's better. 403 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,215 Hello, Mrs Tidey, and how are we this evening? 404 00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:03,350 - No complaints, thank you, Doctor. - Good. 405 00:24:03,385 --> 00:24:05,635 - Except that er... - Yes? 406 00:24:05,670 --> 00:24:07,955 They were a bit stingy with the potatoes tonight. 407 00:24:07,990 --> 00:24:11,277 Yes, well, I'm not so much concerned with your input as your output. 408 00:24:11,312 --> 00:24:14,651 Oh, there's no trouble there. I go regular. You ask Sister. 409 00:24:14,686 --> 00:24:17,991 I think the doctor's referring to your baby, Mrs Tidey. 410 00:24:18,026 --> 00:24:19,717 Why? Nothing wrong with it, is there? 411 00:24:19,752 --> 00:24:23,241 Oh, no. He just seems reluctant to put in an appearance. 412 00:24:23,276 --> 00:24:27,399 When you look how the world is today, there's nothing worth coming out for, is there? 413 00:24:27,434 --> 00:24:29,595 I mean, the world's in a shocking state. 414 00:24:29,630 --> 00:24:33,395 - You take the Common Market. - I think we'll give him a bit of a nudge, shall we 415 00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,800 You're not going to stick that in the poor little beggar? 416 00:24:35,835 --> 00:24:39,629 - No. Only into you, Mrs Tidey. - No. No. You're not puncturing me. 417 00:24:39,664 --> 00:24:42,792 It's for your own good. You've gone on far too long. 418 00:24:42,827 --> 00:24:44,403 I don't care. 419 00:24:44,438 --> 00:24:48,035 I'm having my kid naturally, if I have to lie here for the rest of my life. 420 00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:50,076 Sister. 421 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,317 Don't be silly. This won't harm you, or the baby, I can promise you. 422 00:24:54,352 --> 00:24:56,595 I'm not having it, I tell you. 423 00:24:56,630 --> 00:24:58,756 Now, please, hold still... Aargh! 424 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:03,816 I'm so sorry. 425 00:25:03,851 --> 00:25:05,477 Mrs Tidey... 426 00:25:05,512 --> 00:25:09,798 If you kick me again, I warn you, I'll put you on a strict diet. 427 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,032 That's better. Now, then. 428 00:25:13,067 --> 00:25:13,782 Ow! 429 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,039 - I haven't touched you. - Oh... 430 00:25:16,074 --> 00:25:17,200 What's the matter? 431 00:25:17,235 --> 00:25:19,879 It's... it's starting. Oh... 432 00:25:19,914 --> 00:25:22,115 Are you sure it isn't indigestion again? 433 00:25:22,150 --> 00:25:25,118 It can't be. I've hardly had a thing to eat all day. 434 00:25:25,153 --> 00:25:27,509 All right, Sister. Take her down to Delivery. 435 00:25:27,544 --> 00:25:29,123 Yes, Matron. 436 00:25:29,158 --> 00:25:31,993 Ooh, but let me finish... finish my dinner first. 437 00:25:32,028 --> 00:25:33,693 Oooh! 438 00:25:33,728 --> 00:25:35,323 Ooh... 439 00:25:35,358 --> 00:25:37,361 All right, Doctor. You may go. 440 00:25:37,396 --> 00:25:39,401 Hey? Oh... What am I going to do with this? 441 00:25:39,436 --> 00:25:42,876 I'm sure you don't require any suggestions from me, Doctor. 442 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,797 Put a call through for Mr Tidey. His wife's started labour. 443 00:25:54,832 --> 00:25:57,120 Again? Let's hope she finishes this time. 444 00:25:57,155 --> 00:26:00,198 - Is this Sir Bernard's mail? - Yes, Matron. Last delivery. 445 00:26:00,233 --> 00:26:02,714 I'll take it to him. I want to see how he is. 446 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,315 First signs of physical change... 447 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,036 Who is? 448 00:26:16,071 --> 00:26:19,516 - Who is it? - It's Matron, Sir Bernard. 449 00:26:19,551 --> 00:26:21,352 Just a moment, Matron. 450 00:26:21,387 --> 00:26:23,118 I won't be a minute. 451 00:26:23,153 --> 00:26:25,800 Yes... Come in now, Matron. 452 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,839 I'm sorry, Sir Bernard. I didn't know you were changing. 453 00:26:33,874 --> 00:26:35,637 Changing? 454 00:26:35,672 --> 00:26:39,514 What are you talking about? I'm not changing. That's a lie, do you hear? It's a lie. 455 00:26:39,549 --> 00:26:41,272 Your clothes, Sir Bernard. 456 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:46,069 Oh... my clothes. I'm sorry. I thought you were inferring that I... 457 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:49,436 Well, don't keep staring at me as if I were a freak. 458 00:26:49,471 --> 00:26:51,555 Oh, you misunderstand me, Sir Bernard. 459 00:26:51,590 --> 00:26:58,074 Oh, no, I don't. I know what you are thinking and let me tell you, I'm a man, like any other man. 460 00:26:58,109 --> 00:27:00,674 Oh, no. I cannot agree with that. 461 00:27:00,709 --> 00:27:01,680 What? 462 00:27:01,715 --> 00:27:04,633 You have something very few men have. 463 00:27:04,668 --> 00:27:06,392 What do you mean? 464 00:27:06,427 --> 00:27:07,595 Greatness. 465 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,717 Oh, well... there's no denying that, naturally. 466 00:27:11,752 --> 00:27:15,276 If I may say so, Sir Bernard, I think you've been overdoing it. 467 00:27:15,311 --> 00:27:18,033 Overdoing it? What do you mean? Overdoing what? 468 00:27:18,068 --> 00:27:21,475 Work! It's time you had a holiday, I think. 469 00:27:21,510 --> 00:27:24,910 I don't want a holiday. And will you kindly stop fussing over me? 470 00:27:24,945 --> 00:27:26,398 I'm only thinking of you. 471 00:27:26,433 --> 00:27:28,556 Well, stop thinking of me and go away. 472 00:27:28,591 --> 00:27:30,596 Very well, Sir Bernard. 473 00:27:30,631 --> 00:27:31,998 Oh... 474 00:27:32,033 --> 00:27:33,974 I nearly forgot. Your mail. 475 00:27:34,009 --> 00:27:35,916 Yes, I am! And I can prove it! 476 00:27:35,951 --> 00:27:39,037 Do you hear? Prove it! 477 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,917 Ye-argh! 478 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,321 Has it happened? 479 00:28:02,356 --> 00:28:04,715 - Not yet, I don't think. - Oh, thank heavens. 480 00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:06,323 I'm in time. 481 00:28:06,358 --> 00:28:08,032 Ooh, my hooter... 482 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,836 Oh, no. I can't stay here. 483 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,479 Madge, can you come up and help me with my hair? 484 00:28:28,514 --> 00:28:31,797 But I'm undressed. - So what? I'm in a hurry. 485 00:28:31,832 --> 00:28:34,075 Oh, all right. 486 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:45,790 Hello. 487 00:28:50,636 --> 00:28:51,754 Hello? 488 00:28:51,789 --> 00:28:53,324 Hello, Dad. 489 00:28:53,359 --> 00:28:54,679 Cyril, what's up? 490 00:28:54,714 --> 00:28:56,437 I've got into a spot of bother. 491 00:28:56,472 --> 00:28:59,175 What, already? What's happened? Where are you? 492 00:28:59,210 --> 00:29:01,843 - I'm in this nurse's bedroom. - Nurse's bedroom? 493 00:29:01,878 --> 00:29:05,281 You're supposed to be finding the stuff. And don't tell me it's there. 494 00:29:05,316 --> 00:29:10,235 No, Dad. They seemed to think I was a new student nurse, so they put me in this room. 495 00:29:10,270 --> 00:29:14,279 Oh, my God. I told you not to do anything that would draw attention to you. 496 00:29:14,314 --> 00:29:15,883 But I couldn't help it. 497 00:29:15,918 --> 00:29:18,638 I had to go to the Gents to pin up my knickers. 498 00:29:18,673 --> 00:29:21,324 You went to the Gents to pin up your knickers? 499 00:29:21,359 --> 00:29:24,477 Look, I haven't got time to explain now, but I can't stay here. 500 00:29:24,512 --> 00:29:25,640 Why not? 501 00:29:25,675 --> 00:29:28,877 - Another nurse lives in this room. - So? She's not onto you, is she? 502 00:29:28,912 --> 00:29:31,599 No! But she will be when I get undressed to go to bed. 503 00:29:31,634 --> 00:29:33,555 I know, get undressed under your nightie. 504 00:29:33,590 --> 00:29:35,477 Your mum did that before we got married. 505 00:29:35,512 --> 00:29:37,356 Dad, I haven't got a nightie. 506 00:29:37,391 --> 00:29:40,233 All right, son. All right, all right. Don't panic. 507 00:29:40,268 --> 00:29:42,241 Don't go to bed. That's it. 508 00:29:42,276 --> 00:29:45,397 Try and find out something this evening, and I'll be along later. 509 00:29:45,432 --> 00:29:46,400 Listen... 510 00:29:46,435 --> 00:29:48,441 Hello? Is someone in there? 511 00:29:48,476 --> 00:29:51,518 Dad, I'll have to go now. There's someone at the door. 512 00:29:51,553 --> 00:29:54,075 Right. I'll be in the fathers' waiting room. 513 00:29:54,110 --> 00:29:56,598 Now, you try and get a plan of the hospital. 514 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,830 Hey, you. Let me in. 515 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:07,917 Oh. Oh, hello. 516 00:30:07,952 --> 00:30:09,871 I'm your roommate, Susan Ball. 517 00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:15,603 Is something wrong? 518 00:30:15,638 --> 00:30:17,676 Eh? Oh, no. You're beautiful. 519 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:20,557 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be personal. 520 00:30:20,592 --> 00:30:23,438 Oh. Oh, that's all right. 521 00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:27,712 You just keep saying things like that and you and I are going to get along just fine. 522 00:30:27,747 --> 00:30:29,438 What do I call you? 523 00:30:29,473 --> 00:30:30,634 Er, Cyrille. 524 00:30:30,669 --> 00:30:34,036 Right, Cyrille. Let's see if we can't make you feel at home. 525 00:30:34,071 --> 00:30:36,953 Loo and bathroom in there. And that's your bed there. 526 00:30:36,988 --> 00:30:38,154 Oh, thanks. 527 00:30:38,189 --> 00:30:39,234 Where's your luggage? 528 00:30:39,269 --> 00:30:41,828 I haven't got any. I lost it at the railway station. 529 00:30:41,863 --> 00:30:43,751 I can let you have anything you need. 530 00:30:43,786 --> 00:30:45,477 Oh, no. I'm all right, thanks. 531 00:30:45,512 --> 00:30:48,079 You'll find you won't need a nightie in here. 532 00:30:48,114 --> 00:30:51,374 This place is so well heated, you can sleep in the raw. 533 00:30:51,409 --> 00:30:54,635 - I always do. - Oh, no. I shan't be staying here. 534 00:30:54,670 --> 00:30:56,641 Oh, come here. 535 00:30:56,676 --> 00:30:59,285 Don't talk like that. 536 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:03,279 You know, once you settle down, you'll find you'll like it here. 537 00:31:03,314 --> 00:31:05,281 It's a good hospital. 538 00:31:05,316 --> 00:31:10,076 And there's still quite a few young doctors who are still prepared to take no for an answer. 539 00:31:10,111 --> 00:31:13,276 All except for old Prodd, that is. 540 00:31:13,311 --> 00:31:15,914 Oh, dear. You want to watch out for him. 541 00:31:15,949 --> 00:31:17,284 Do you know, 542 00:31:17,319 --> 00:31:21,075 he collects nurses like some men collect big game trophies. 543 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,159 Around here, we call him the taxidermist. 544 00:31:25,194 --> 00:31:27,884 You're not going to bed now, are you? 545 00:31:27,919 --> 00:31:32,073 Oh, good heavens, no. I'm going to grab me a quick shower cos I've got a date. 546 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,160 Oh, these rotten catches. 547 00:31:44,195 --> 00:31:46,714 Cyrille, would you mind undoing it for me? 548 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,153 Oooh... 549 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,556 Dr Goode... 550 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,163 - Dr Goode. - Argh! 551 00:32:10,198 --> 00:32:14,079 Oh, hello. Do forgive me, Sir Bernard. I was miles away. 552 00:32:14,114 --> 00:32:17,476 Oh, yes. Of course. Well, perhaps I should come back some other time. 553 00:32:17,511 --> 00:32:19,322 No. I'm back now. 554 00:32:19,357 --> 00:32:21,476 And what can I do for you, Sir Bernard? 555 00:32:21,511 --> 00:32:23,812 Well, I've got a bit of a problem. 556 00:32:23,847 --> 00:32:26,114 Oh, haven't we all? Would you care to? 557 00:32:26,149 --> 00:32:28,440 I can't do it lying down. 558 00:32:28,475 --> 00:32:30,561 Oh, dear me. You do have a problem. 559 00:32:30,596 --> 00:32:34,639 No, I mean I prefer to sit down, if you don't mind. 560 00:32:34,674 --> 00:32:36,915 Don't mind? If it turns you on, who cares? 561 00:32:36,950 --> 00:32:42,052 Look here, Dr Goode, you must understand, this interview must be purely off the record. 562 00:32:42,087 --> 00:32:47,154 I can assure you that anything you say to me will go into one ear and out of the other. 563 00:32:47,189 --> 00:32:48,604 That doesn't surprise me. 564 00:32:48,639 --> 00:32:52,633 As a matter of fact, I was talking to my wife only the other day. "Hamlet," I said... 565 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:57,838 Oh, I call her Hamlet because she thinks she's a Great Dane. Isn't it silly? 566 00:32:57,873 --> 00:33:00,319 Dr Goode, I'm not interested in your wife. 567 00:33:00,354 --> 00:33:03,557 Well, that's a funny thing. Neither am I. Shall we forget her? 568 00:33:03,592 --> 00:33:05,118 With pleasure. 569 00:33:05,153 --> 00:33:08,198 Good. Now, what was it I wanted to talk to you about? 570 00:33:08,233 --> 00:33:09,793 It's the other way round. 571 00:33:09,828 --> 00:33:11,198 Is it? What is? 572 00:33:11,233 --> 00:33:14,402 Our conversation, I mean. I came here to consult you. 573 00:33:14,437 --> 00:33:17,751 Oh! Well, that puts a different light on the whole matter. 574 00:33:17,786 --> 00:33:19,292 Do consult. 575 00:33:19,327 --> 00:33:20,763 Thank you. 576 00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:22,801 I was wondering if you personally 577 00:33:22,836 --> 00:33:27,083 had ever thought about the possibilities of having a... sex change. 578 00:33:27,118 --> 00:33:32,115 Well, as a matter of fact, I'm quite happy as I am. But thank you very much, Sir Bernard. 579 00:33:32,150 --> 00:33:33,917 No, I don't mean you. 580 00:33:33,952 --> 00:33:35,757 I mean, generally speaking. 581 00:33:35,792 --> 00:33:39,314 Have you ever known of a case of a man turning into a woman? 582 00:33:39,349 --> 00:33:42,836 No. But I've heard of one who turned into a one-way street. 583 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,559 Oh... Doctor, please. Be serious. 584 00:33:46,594 --> 00:33:52,038 You see, I have this patient who genuinely thinks that he is turning into a woman. 585 00:33:52,073 --> 00:33:53,643 Dear me. 586 00:33:53,678 --> 00:33:55,283 Are there any physical changes? 587 00:33:55,318 --> 00:33:57,709 I don't think so. I haven't looked for two hours. 588 00:33:57,744 --> 00:33:59,810 I mean, at him. Haven't looked at him. 589 00:33:59,845 --> 00:34:01,841 I think it's a purely mental obsession. 590 00:34:01,876 --> 00:34:04,838 Has he had any experience of the opposite sex? 591 00:34:04,873 --> 00:34:06,841 Oh, no. No, he hasn't had time. 592 00:34:06,876 --> 00:34:10,396 I mean, he hasn't had... His career. He's been far too busy with his career. 593 00:34:10,431 --> 00:34:12,401 Ah. Then I think I understand. 594 00:34:12,436 --> 00:34:17,640 Your patient is suffering from a pent-up desire to prove to himself that he is a man. 595 00:34:17,675 --> 00:34:19,695 You think so? 596 00:34:19,730 --> 00:34:21,681 Yes. Yes... 597 00:34:21,716 --> 00:34:23,357 You may be right. 598 00:34:23,392 --> 00:34:24,963 I'm sure I am. 599 00:34:24,998 --> 00:34:28,789 And I would recommend that he finds a suitable partner as quickly as possible. 600 00:34:28,824 --> 00:34:31,713 And by suitable, you mean willing. 601 00:34:31,748 --> 00:34:32,993 And able. 602 00:34:33,028 --> 00:34:37,477 Yes. Oh, I feel better already. For him. I feel better for him, I mean. 603 00:34:37,512 --> 00:34:39,277 Thank you, Dr Goode. 604 00:34:39,312 --> 00:34:41,314 You've been most helpful. 605 00:34:41,349 --> 00:34:43,281 Oh, I can't tell you... 606 00:34:43,316 --> 00:34:45,436 Oh, yes. I'll get onto it... right away! 607 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,318 Ah. Matron, any news? 608 00:34:53,353 --> 00:34:55,316 I'm afraid not, Mr Tidey. 609 00:34:55,351 --> 00:34:56,923 What's she doing? 610 00:34:56,958 --> 00:35:00,589 Well, at this moment, consuming a large plate of fish cakes. 611 00:35:00,624 --> 00:35:01,998 Fish cakes? 612 00:35:02,033 --> 00:35:05,556 Ever since she got pregnant, she's had this craving for fish cakes. 613 00:35:05,591 --> 00:35:07,561 Even in the middle of the ruddy night. 614 00:35:07,596 --> 00:35:10,796 Do you know, she must have polished off thousands of 'em. 615 00:35:10,831 --> 00:35:17,109 I'll tell you one thing, if ever this child gets born, it's going to be smothered in breadcrumbs. 616 00:35:17,144 --> 00:35:18,962 Ah, Dr Prodd. 617 00:35:18,997 --> 00:35:20,876 You're in Emergency tonight. 618 00:35:20,911 --> 00:35:23,672 - Afraid so. - We're standing by for a possible premature. 619 00:35:23,707 --> 00:35:26,434 - Oh, no... - You won't mind when you find out who she is. 620 00:35:26,469 --> 00:35:28,795 I shall be up in my room if I'm required, Arthur. 621 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,110 What did she mean by that? Who's coming in? 622 00:35:32,145 --> 00:35:34,077 Jane Darling, the film star. 623 00:35:34,112 --> 00:35:35,275 Really? 624 00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,510 Hello. It's my pin -up girl. 625 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:45,323 Dad? 626 00:35:45,358 --> 00:35:47,396 Oh. Er... Good evening. 627 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,003 - Excuse me. - That's all right. 628 00:35:53,038 --> 00:35:55,280 - Lost again? - Yes, that's right. Excuse me. 629 00:35:55,315 --> 00:35:57,834 You know, love, what you want is a plan of this place. 630 00:35:57,869 --> 00:35:59,113 How did you know? 631 00:35:59,148 --> 00:36:01,708 Think of a better way of getting to know your way around? 632 00:36:01,743 --> 00:36:03,756 I see what you mean. If you'll excuse me... 633 00:36:03,791 --> 00:36:05,193 I've got a plan up in my room. 634 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,793 - Have you really? - All the doctors have one. 635 00:36:09,828 --> 00:36:10,949 I'd like to see yours. 636 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:13,080 Likewise. 637 00:36:13,115 --> 00:36:15,804 - In your room, you say? - Room 15 on the fifth floor. 638 00:36:15,839 --> 00:36:18,798 If you'd like to come up in ten minutes, I'll show it to you. 639 00:36:18,833 --> 00:36:20,711 If I come, will you promise to behave? 640 00:36:20,746 --> 00:36:21,914 Naturally. 641 00:36:21,949 --> 00:36:25,077 All right, then. I'll be there. 642 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,318 And when I behave naturally, I never get any complaints. 643 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,436 Yes. Who is it? 644 00:36:37,471 --> 00:36:39,073 It's me. Frankie. 645 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,036 Come in. 646 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,241 It is all right for tonight, isn't it? 647 00:36:54,276 --> 00:36:58,114 Yes. But I'm so frightened somebody's going to see you coming here one night. 648 00:36:58,149 --> 00:37:00,998 Oh, get away with you. It's only once a week. 649 00:37:01,033 --> 00:37:03,475 Yes, but you know how gossip goes round the hospital. 650 00:37:03,510 --> 00:37:05,595 After all, you are a married man, Francis. 651 00:37:05,630 --> 00:37:08,553 Yes, I know. But as I've told you, my wife doesn't like it. 652 00:37:08,588 --> 00:37:10,357 I can't think why not. 653 00:37:10,392 --> 00:37:12,471 No. She thinks it's a waste of time. 654 00:37:12,506 --> 00:37:14,551 Do you know, she won't even look at it. 655 00:37:14,586 --> 00:37:16,755 - Oh, what a shame. - Yes. 656 00:37:16,790 --> 00:37:19,440 And a man needs a little relaxation when he comes home. 657 00:37:19,475 --> 00:37:21,043 Yes, of course. 658 00:37:21,078 --> 00:37:24,038 That's why I'm so thrilled you like it as much as I do. 659 00:37:24,073 --> 00:37:26,041 As long as we're careful. 660 00:37:26,076 --> 00:37:28,116 Care for a little drinkie first? 661 00:37:28,151 --> 00:37:30,156 Oh, lovely. 662 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,036 It should be a good one tonight. 663 00:37:38,071 --> 00:37:39,643 Yes. 664 00:37:39,678 --> 00:37:41,637 If it's anything like last week... 665 00:37:41,672 --> 00:37:43,312 That was wonderful 666 00:37:43,347 --> 00:37:45,037 Cheers. 667 00:37:45,072 --> 00:37:46,718 Good health. 668 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:50,959 Mm... 669 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,719 Are you ready? 670 00:37:53,754 --> 00:37:54,796 Ra-ther! 671 00:37:54,831 --> 00:37:55,839 Ooh... 672 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,111 I can't think why your wife doesn't like it. 673 00:38:13,146 --> 00:38:15,474 It's the best programme on television. 674 00:38:15,509 --> 00:38:21,072 Oh, I know. But you know, she'd rather curl up on a hearth rug with a good bone. 675 00:38:21,107 --> 00:38:23,993 - It's coming on. - Oh, good! 676 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,391 Now it's time for this week's exciting episode of... 677 00:38:29,426 --> 00:38:31,003 The Surgeons. 678 00:38:31,038 --> 00:38:34,794 The Surgeons, the everyday drama of a great hospital. 679 00:38:34,829 --> 00:38:38,909 Last week, we left Nurse Spencer unconscious on the operating table, 680 00:38:38,944 --> 00:38:42,989 while Dr Carpenter, her lover, prepared to fight for her life, 681 00:38:43,024 --> 00:38:45,798 still unaware that his estranged wife Rachel 682 00:38:45,833 --> 00:38:49,674 had secretly substituted a cylinder of deadly carbon dioxide gas... 683 00:38:49,709 --> 00:38:54,311 ...in place of her life-giving oxygen. 684 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,320 Yes? What do you want? 685 00:39:00,355 --> 00:39:03,000 You remember me. Mr Hodgkiss. I was here this morning. 686 00:39:03,035 --> 00:39:04,922 Oh, yes. I thought you'd had your baby. 687 00:39:04,957 --> 00:39:07,952 - No. I'm leaving that to the missus. - Well, you know where to go. 688 00:39:07,987 --> 00:39:09,996 Thank you. 689 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,203 - Evening. - Evening. 690 00:39:17,238 --> 00:39:19,037 You haven't had it yet, then? 691 00:39:19,072 --> 00:39:21,480 No. I reckon it'll be here tonight, though. 692 00:39:21,515 --> 00:39:24,955 You'll be lucky. I've been here every night for the last ten days. 693 00:39:24,990 --> 00:39:28,395 - They sent for me. - It don't mean a thing. That's the way they work. 694 00:39:28,430 --> 00:39:30,436 When in doubt, send for the ruddy father. 695 00:39:30,471 --> 00:39:34,838 Yes... Well, that'll teach you to turn over and go back to sleep next time, won't it? 696 00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:36,841 That's not funny. 697 00:39:36,876 --> 00:39:40,509 - My woman's waited seven years for a baby. - She needn't have done that. 698 00:39:40,544 --> 00:39:43,672 - No? - No. I had that trouble when I kept chickens. 699 00:39:43,707 --> 00:39:45,124 Chickens? 700 00:39:45,159 --> 00:39:47,936 I used to get plenty of eggs, but no baby chicks. 701 00:39:47,971 --> 00:39:50,714 - Oh, no. - Till somebody told me what to do. 702 00:39:50,749 --> 00:39:53,433 - What was that? - Change the cock. 703 00:39:53,468 --> 00:39:56,118 Oh, that's very funny, I don't think. 704 00:39:58,080 --> 00:39:59,603 - Mr Grant? - Yes? 705 00:39:59,638 --> 00:40:01,950 Congratulations. You've got a fine boy. 706 00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,038 Oi... What about me, then? 707 00:40:05,073 --> 00:40:07,036 I was here before him. 708 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,032 Better luck next time. 709 00:40:12,067 --> 00:40:13,678 Oh, get shunted. 710 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,796 Come in, love. Come in. 711 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,713 Gosh! No wonder they call you the taxidermist. 712 00:40:45,748 --> 00:40:49,674 Do they? Well, it just shows you, there's nothing like advertising. 713 00:40:49,709 --> 00:40:52,320 - Sit down. Make yourself at home. - No, I can't stay. 714 00:40:52,355 --> 00:40:54,470 Nonsense. Of course you can. 715 00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,956 Just so we're not disturbed. 716 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:01,763 Now, then... 717 00:41:01,798 --> 00:41:04,633 - What about a little drink? - Oh, no, no. I never touch it. 718 00:41:04,668 --> 00:41:07,280 - Oh. Cigarette, then? - No. I never touch them. 719 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,670 Well, that leaves only one thing to offer you. 720 00:41:12,705 --> 00:41:14,283 I never touch that, either. 721 00:41:14,318 --> 00:41:17,870 - You haven't come here to play games. - You're right. I came to see your plan. 722 00:41:17,905 --> 00:41:20,598 - Who cares about the damn plan? - Ah, ah. Plan first. 723 00:41:20,633 --> 00:41:23,752 I've been planning all ruddy evening. It's time for action. 724 00:41:23,787 --> 00:41:26,871 - I shall scream. I shall scream. Matron! Matron! - OK. OK. 725 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,997 There you are. 726 00:41:35,032 --> 00:41:38,157 But you know damn well you didn't come up here just for that. 727 00:41:38,192 --> 00:41:40,161 Oh, yes. This is just what I wanted. 728 00:41:40,196 --> 00:41:42,555 - And this is just what I wanted. - Get off. 729 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,236 Now, then. Where do they keep the pills? 730 00:41:53,271 --> 00:41:54,240 Eh? 731 00:41:54,275 --> 00:41:56,351 The pill. There's a big store of them here. 732 00:41:56,386 --> 00:41:58,361 Oh! I get you now. 733 00:41:58,396 --> 00:42:01,358 Down in the basement here, but I can't get you any now, love. 734 00:42:01,393 --> 00:42:03,043 They're locked up. 735 00:42:03,078 --> 00:42:04,832 Oh, I don't want it for myself. 736 00:42:04,867 --> 00:42:06,319 - Oh, good. - Get off! 737 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,201 Is this the only way down to the basement? 738 00:42:11,236 --> 00:42:14,153 That's enough of the damn plan, love. We're wasting time. 739 00:42:14,188 --> 00:42:16,116 - I haven't finished. - What are you doing? 740 00:42:16,151 --> 00:42:18,515 - Give that back. - You promised you'd give it to me. 741 00:42:18,550 --> 00:42:20,174 I will, too. But not that. 742 00:42:20,209 --> 00:42:21,798 It's not mine. Come on. 743 00:42:21,833 --> 00:42:23,403 Come and get it. 744 00:42:23,438 --> 00:42:26,398 - Oh, you want to play games? - No. I didn't mean that. Get off! 745 00:42:26,433 --> 00:42:28,232 No, I didn't mean that. Get off! 746 00:42:28,267 --> 00:42:30,276 Get away! 747 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,358 Take your hands off. Take your hands... 748 00:42:33,393 --> 00:42:35,396 Argh! 749 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,718 What's this then, eh? 750 00:42:40,753 --> 00:42:42,517 Rolled-up socks? 751 00:42:42,552 --> 00:42:44,357 Why, you little cheat... 752 00:42:44,392 --> 00:42:47,084 - What else you got down there, eh? - Get off. 753 00:42:47,119 --> 00:42:49,873 That's enough. I don't want to have to use any rough stuff. 754 00:42:49,908 --> 00:42:52,633 I wouldn't if I were you. I was boxing champ at Guy's. 755 00:42:52,668 --> 00:42:54,790 Let me go. Please. You'll be sorry. Let me go! 756 00:42:54,825 --> 00:42:56,199 Try and make me, love. 757 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,310 - Who's that? - Me. 758 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:09,361 God, what a woman! 759 00:43:09,396 --> 00:43:11,436 Hey! Hey, love. Phwoar! 760 00:43:11,471 --> 00:43:13,680 Come back, love. 761 00:43:13,715 --> 00:43:15,836 They'll be there within half an hour. 762 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,721 Hey, doc. You're wanted. 763 00:43:22,756 --> 00:43:24,990 - Blast. What is it? - The premature film star. 764 00:43:25,025 --> 00:43:26,797 Her old man's been on. It's started. 765 00:43:26,832 --> 00:43:29,718 - Damn. Is the ambulance here? - Outside. There's the address. 766 00:43:29,753 --> 00:43:30,994 Right. 767 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,192 - Did you get it? - Yeah. There it is. 768 00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:39,002 What's this? 769 00:43:39,037 --> 00:43:40,758 Sorry, Dad. It's one of my bristols. 770 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,276 That's it. Let's go. 771 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,555 We can't go on an emergency without a nurse. 772 00:43:47,590 --> 00:43:51,753 - I'm sorry, Doctor, I am only the attendant... - Hang on a minute. Hang on. 773 00:43:51,788 --> 00:43:53,841 Ah. You'll do nicely. Come on. 774 00:43:53,876 --> 00:43:56,554 - Let me go. - I'm sorry, love. We've got a little job. 775 00:43:56,589 --> 00:43:59,165 Leave me alone, will you? 776 00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,395 That driver touched my bottom! 777 00:44:01,430 --> 00:44:04,080 Something tells me Cyril's taking this too seriously. 778 00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:11,998 Nurse, forceps... 779 00:44:12,033 --> 00:44:14,214 scalpel... 780 00:44:14,249 --> 00:44:16,396 swabs... 781 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:18,873 Ah... 782 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,041 More oxygen... 783 00:44:27,076 --> 00:44:29,400 Sister, quick. More swabs! 784 00:44:29,435 --> 00:44:32,353 - Who's that? - Just as it was getting exciting too. 785 00:44:32,388 --> 00:44:34,361 Oh... 786 00:44:34,396 --> 00:44:36,401 Yes. Who is it? 787 00:44:36,436 --> 00:44:39,478 It's me, Matron, Sir Bernard. I'd like to come in. 788 00:44:39,513 --> 00:44:41,481 Sir Bernard... 789 00:44:41,516 --> 00:44:43,357 Just a moment, Sir Bernard. 790 00:44:43,392 --> 00:44:45,163 He can't find you in my room. 791 00:44:45,198 --> 00:44:47,430 - I'll hide. - Quick. This way. In here. 792 00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:00,798 Aah! 793 00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:11,641 Oh, I'm so sorry, Sir Bernard. 794 00:45:11,676 --> 00:45:13,830 I was just in the middle of undressing. 795 00:45:13,865 --> 00:45:15,637 Oh, don't let me stop you, Matron. 796 00:45:15,672 --> 00:45:17,910 - I beg your pardon? - I'm very broad-minded. 797 00:45:17,945 --> 00:45:19,921 I might not even look the other way! 798 00:45:19,956 --> 00:45:22,873 Sir Bernard, do you think it's wise coming to my room at night? 799 00:45:22,908 --> 00:45:25,678 - People might misunderstand. - I don't think so. 800 00:45:25,713 --> 00:45:28,951 They'll merely think we're having a bit of the old slap and tickle. 801 00:45:28,986 --> 00:45:31,028 - Really, Sir Bernard! - Well, why not? 802 00:45:31,063 --> 00:45:33,070 It's natural. You're a man and I'm a woman. 803 00:45:33,105 --> 00:45:34,763 Sir Bernard, 804 00:45:34,798 --> 00:45:36,881 are you sure you're feeling quite yourself? 805 00:45:36,916 --> 00:45:40,436 On the contrary, I've never felt more like it. Myself, I mean. 806 00:45:40,471 --> 00:45:42,875 Don't you think you ought to go and lie down? 807 00:45:42,910 --> 00:45:45,803 Now you're getting the idea. 808 00:45:45,838 --> 00:45:47,841 No, no, no. I mean, in your room. 809 00:45:47,876 --> 00:45:50,235 Oh, why? It's much more comfortable here. 810 00:45:50,270 --> 00:45:52,037 Come on. Let's sit down. 811 00:45:52,072 --> 00:45:54,114 What on earth was that? 812 00:45:54,149 --> 00:45:56,121 Oh, it's just a spring. 813 00:45:56,156 --> 00:45:58,673 Oh. I thought it sounded like breaking glass. 814 00:45:58,708 --> 00:46:02,679 That would never do, would it? Remember what happened to the skipper? 815 00:46:02,714 --> 00:46:05,638 I'm sure you're not feeling well. Do you feel hot? 816 00:46:05,673 --> 00:46:08,245 - Very. - I shall go and get my thermometer. 817 00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,885 - Oh, that's not what I want. - What is it, then? 818 00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:15,118 Matron, a man and a woman are here to fulfil one basic function. 819 00:46:15,153 --> 00:46:17,121 You know what that is, don't you? 820 00:46:17,156 --> 00:46:20,797 Well, I should do, after 15 years in a maternity hospital. 821 00:46:20,832 --> 00:46:24,052 That's what's wrong with me. I need to prove myself as a man. 822 00:46:24,087 --> 00:46:27,273 - Well, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. - Exactly. 823 00:46:27,308 --> 00:46:29,920 Will you lay the table, or shall I? Get your cruet out. 824 00:46:29,955 --> 00:46:32,433 - You can't be suggesting... - Why not? 825 00:46:32,468 --> 00:46:34,800 You know there's a mutual attraction between us. 826 00:46:34,835 --> 00:46:38,074 You must have felt it, working together all these years. 827 00:46:38,109 --> 00:46:41,314 - Side by side, brushing against each other. - Oh... 828 00:46:41,349 --> 00:46:44,630 So you've felt it too? That exciting tingling... 829 00:46:44,665 --> 00:46:47,912 I've only got to think of you and I have a tingle. 830 00:46:47,947 --> 00:46:49,921 Oh, how wonderful. 831 00:46:49,956 --> 00:46:52,474 But I never thought that you wanted me, too. 832 00:46:52,509 --> 00:46:54,516 - Desperately. - Oh! 833 00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,193 I don't know what to say. It's all so sudden. 834 00:46:58,228 --> 00:47:01,869 Oh, my dear, I don't expect you to make up your mind immediately. 835 00:47:01,904 --> 00:47:04,679 Take your time. Think it over for a couple of minutes. 836 00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:07,716 Oh! 837 00:47:07,751 --> 00:47:10,673 You're all of a tingle, aren't you? Tingle, tingle... 838 00:47:10,708 --> 00:47:12,283 Er... 839 00:47:12,318 --> 00:47:14,789 Hello, Tingle here... Matron here. 840 00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:17,359 Oh! Yes, Arthur. 841 00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:20,521 I see. Has the ambulance left? 842 00:47:20,556 --> 00:47:23,074 Well, if you could get in touch... 843 00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:30,519 That was Arthur. There's an emergency coming in in half an hour. 844 00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,243 Oh, damn it. 845 00:47:33,278 --> 00:47:35,316 Then the time for thinking is past. 846 00:47:35,351 --> 00:47:37,117 Give me your answer. Will you? 847 00:47:37,152 --> 00:47:38,923 - I don't know what to say. - Yes, or no? 848 00:47:38,958 --> 00:47:43,192 - Oh, yes! And no. - What? What does that mean, "yes and no"? 849 00:47:43,227 --> 00:47:46,028 Yes, if you're asking me to marry you. No, if not. 850 00:47:46,063 --> 00:47:48,830 Well, I don't have to get married to prove myself. 851 00:47:48,865 --> 00:47:50,318 You do to prove yourself with me. 852 00:47:50,353 --> 00:47:53,000 How do we know we're physically suited to each other? 853 00:47:53,035 --> 00:47:55,115 It's like do-it-yourself with a wallpaper. 854 00:47:55,150 --> 00:47:58,198 - Wallpaper? - You don't just buy enough for the whole room. 855 00:47:58,233 --> 00:48:00,032 You tear yourself off a little strip 856 00:48:00,067 --> 00:48:01,837 and try it first! 857 00:48:01,872 --> 00:48:05,270 That may be so, but you're not going to stick me up against the wall. 858 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:12,229 - Step on it, Doctor. She's pretty near. - Don't worry. She's in good hands. 859 00:48:12,264 --> 00:48:13,559 Even got a nurse. 860 00:48:13,594 --> 00:48:16,638 Good luck, darling. I'll be along as soon as I can park the au pair. 861 00:48:17,720 --> 00:48:20,154 She won't stay in the house alone at night, you see? 862 00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:22,196 Right. Let's go. 863 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:25,595 Bye! 864 00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:33,216 OK, darling? 865 00:48:33,251 --> 00:48:34,713 OK, darling. 866 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:48,759 - Is it bad, Miss Darling? - Oh, yes. 867 00:48:48,794 --> 00:48:51,553 I can give you a jab to kill it for a bit, if you like. 868 00:48:51,588 --> 00:48:53,561 - Yes, please, Doctor. - Right. 869 00:48:53,596 --> 00:48:55,830 Nurse, in that case there, you'll find a hypo. 870 00:48:55,865 --> 00:48:57,876 - A what? - A hypodermic. 871 00:48:57,911 --> 00:48:58,995 Oh. 872 00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:05,154 - This thing? - Yes. Fill it from the bottle labelled pethidine. 873 00:49:06,240 --> 00:49:08,834 Take it easy. It won't be long now, Miss Darling. 874 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:13,315 - Hurry up, Nurse. - I'm coming. 875 00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:17,641 Oh! You idiot! 876 00:49:17,676 --> 00:49:20,016 You've given me the lot. 877 00:49:20,051 --> 00:49:22,321 Quickly! Do something! 878 00:49:22,356 --> 00:49:24,192 Yes, miss. Right away, miss. 879 00:49:24,227 --> 00:49:26,029 Not to him. Me! 880 00:49:26,064 --> 00:49:27,831 It's coming! 881 00:49:27,866 --> 00:49:29,603 Oh, no! 882 00:49:29,638 --> 00:49:34,430 No, I do not believe in free love. And what's more, I think it's very insulting of you to ask me. 883 00:49:34,465 --> 00:49:36,750 You don't believe in paying for it, do you? 884 00:49:36,785 --> 00:49:38,682 I don't want to hear any more, 885 00:49:38,717 --> 00:49:42,270 and I think you'd better go before you say something you may regret. 886 00:49:42,305 --> 00:49:45,203 I know what it is. 887 00:49:45,238 --> 00:49:48,312 There's someone else, isn't there? You've got a lover already. 888 00:49:48,347 --> 00:49:50,321 - Haven't you? - Certainly not! 889 00:49:50,356 --> 00:49:54,513 It's just that I'm a simple woman with simple tastes and I want to be wooed. 890 00:49:54,548 --> 00:49:57,650 Ooh, you can be as wooed as you like with me. - Oh, no. 891 00:49:57,685 --> 00:50:00,753 You don't understand. I want to be made a fuss of. 892 00:50:00,788 --> 00:50:03,991 I want to be given chocolates and flowers. 893 00:50:04,026 --> 00:50:05,797 Oh, well, here you are. 894 00:50:05,832 --> 00:50:10,391 I'll buy you a packet of Fruit & Nut tomorrow. Now, come on. Stop messing about. 895 00:50:10,426 --> 00:50:12,401 I didn't think it was possible 896 00:50:12,436 --> 00:50:18,550 that someone could go down to the depths that you've gone in this pernicious manner. 897 00:50:18,585 --> 00:50:20,561 I'm only flesh and blood! 898 00:50:20,596 --> 00:50:23,274 I'm tingling like a beast, aflame with passion. 899 00:50:23,309 --> 00:50:25,714 Burning with desire. 900 00:50:25,749 --> 00:50:28,877 I'm bur... Here, I told you I was hot stuff, didn't I? 901 00:50:28,912 --> 00:50:30,802 Oh! The wardrobe's on fire! 902 00:50:30,837 --> 00:50:33,593 All right, all right, don't panic. I'll see to it. 903 00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:42,796 Stand well back, Matron. Now, then, don't panic. It'll be all right. 904 00:50:42,831 --> 00:50:45,394 Now, then. Here we go, you see? 905 00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:48,238 Don't worry, I'll soon have it out. 906 00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,601 You Jezebel! 907 00:50:52,636 --> 00:50:55,563 Bernard, I can explain! 908 00:50:55,598 --> 00:50:57,681 - Now, look... - Listen, they just phoned. 909 00:50:57,716 --> 00:51:01,031 Here's the message, Jane Darling has gone to Finisham Hospital. 910 00:51:01,066 --> 00:51:04,043 I can't help that. I tell you, she's not here yet. 911 00:51:04,078 --> 00:51:08,233 - It's true. We were just watching television. - In the wardrobe? The indignity of it. 912 00:51:08,268 --> 00:51:12,199 - I'll never be able to hold up my head again. - Sir Bernard, Matron, come quick. 913 00:51:12,234 --> 00:51:14,032 Hey, come on, Dick. 914 00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:17,379 Prodd! Good gracious! 915 00:51:17,414 --> 00:51:19,403 What happened to him? 916 00:51:19,438 --> 00:51:22,353 Don't ask me, sir. We just found him like that when we opened up. 917 00:51:22,388 --> 00:51:24,396 - He's drunk. - That's not all, sir. 918 00:51:24,431 --> 00:51:26,436 Take a look inside. 919 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:29,920 Triplets! 920 00:51:29,955 --> 00:51:34,989 - Nurse, did you? - She did. And she was absolutely wonderful. 921 00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,076 Three little darlings. 922 00:51:38,111 --> 00:51:39,991 Three Darlings... 923 00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:46,477 Right. This is the storeroom where they keep all the stuff, down in the basement here. 924 00:51:46,512 --> 00:51:49,233 Oh, yeah? Where do they have all the babies, then? 925 00:51:49,268 --> 00:51:51,640 Up in the ward, stupid. Where do you think? 926 00:51:51,675 --> 00:51:54,832 Well, it doesn't always follow. My mum had me on top of a bus. 927 00:51:54,867 --> 00:51:57,649 I'm glad he told us that. It makes the job easier. 928 00:51:57,684 --> 00:52:00,432 Number 73. Bang in the middle of Brixton high street. 929 00:52:00,467 --> 00:52:03,090 All right, all right. So you're a born traveller. 930 00:52:03,125 --> 00:52:05,679 Now, will you shut up for a minute and listen? 931 00:52:05,714 --> 00:52:09,076 Now, as far as I can see, the only way we can get into the basement here 932 00:52:09,111 --> 00:52:11,037 is through the front door of the hospital. 933 00:52:11,072 --> 00:52:12,678 - That can't be right. - Why not? 934 00:52:12,713 --> 00:52:14,113 No. 73 doesn't go to Brixton. 935 00:52:14,148 --> 00:52:15,723 Oh, cor blimey... 936 00:52:15,758 --> 00:52:17,363 - It does. - It does not. 937 00:52:17,398 --> 00:52:19,913 It goes from Marble Arch out to Putney and Wimbledon. 938 00:52:19,948 --> 00:52:23,271 - It can't do, else how was I born in Brixton? - Oh, shut up. 939 00:52:23,306 --> 00:52:25,151 I ought to know where I was born. 940 00:52:25,186 --> 00:52:26,996 I don't care where you were born! 941 00:52:27,031 --> 00:52:28,797 It's bad enough it happened. 942 00:52:28,832 --> 00:52:30,956 We've got more important things to talk about. 943 00:52:30,991 --> 00:52:33,315 Now, then, as far as I can see, we... 944 00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:37,516 - You're both wrong. The 73 goes to Holloway. - It does not. 945 00:52:37,551 --> 00:52:41,758 I ought to know. I used to catch it on the way to visit the old woman when she was in the nick. 946 00:52:41,793 --> 00:52:45,559 - You're thinking of the 116. - I am not thinking of the 116. 947 00:52:45,594 --> 00:52:48,752 It goes down to Balls Pond Road, and then turns left into Islington. 948 00:52:48,787 --> 00:52:51,513 - What are you on about? - After Putney it goes to Wimbledon. 949 00:52:51,548 --> 00:52:53,830 What a load of rubbish. It goes... 950 00:52:53,865 --> 00:52:54,989 The fuzz! 951 00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:58,561 Wait a minute. Wait. 952 00:52:58,596 --> 00:53:01,717 What are we doing? We're not wanted for anything yet. 953 00:53:01,752 --> 00:53:04,030 - Oh, yeah. That's right. - See who it is. 954 00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:11,718 Papers. 955 00:53:11,753 --> 00:53:13,512 It's only the papers. 956 00:53:13,547 --> 00:53:15,556 All right, then. 957 00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,553 Here, there's a picture of Cyril on the front page. 958 00:53:20,588 --> 00:53:23,154 Let me see. 959 00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,642 Oh, no. 960 00:53:27,677 --> 00:53:29,716 There's one in this one, too. 961 00:53:29,751 --> 00:53:31,323 Let's have a look. 962 00:53:31,358 --> 00:53:34,591 - Oh, yeah. It's a good likeness, innit? - Yeah. Great. 963 00:53:34,626 --> 00:53:37,148 Something happened to the doctor in the ambulance. 964 00:53:37,183 --> 00:53:38,957 Blimey, Cyril delivered the babies. 965 00:53:38,992 --> 00:53:42,074 It just shows you what a good education can do for you, doesn't it? 966 00:53:42,109 --> 00:53:45,157 - Fancy, old Cyril an heroine. - Do you think he'll get a medal? 967 00:53:45,192 --> 00:53:47,253 He'll get a kick up the backside. 968 00:53:47,288 --> 00:53:49,315 Well, I only asked. What's he done? 969 00:53:49,350 --> 00:53:51,117 What's he done? 970 00:53:51,152 --> 00:53:53,673 He's just about ruined the whole thing, that's what. 971 00:53:53,708 --> 00:53:57,328 Take it easy, I said. Don't do anything that'll draw attention to you. 972 00:53:57,363 --> 00:54:00,949 He couldn't have drawn more bloody attention if he'd had the kids himself! 973 00:54:00,984 --> 00:54:02,678 I've got to get down there. 974 00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:10,789 Well, Mrs Tidey. Another false alarm, I see. 975 00:54:10,824 --> 00:54:12,403 Afraid so, Matron. 976 00:54:12,438 --> 00:54:16,035 Do you know what I think? All that talk of injecting me put him off. 977 00:54:16,070 --> 00:54:17,154 Possibly. 978 00:54:17,189 --> 00:54:21,273 Still, it's nice to be back. I don't like that delivery room. It's not very comfortable. 979 00:54:21,308 --> 00:54:23,759 It isn't meant for comfort, Mrs Tidey. 980 00:54:23,794 --> 00:54:27,055 Well, it looks as if we'll have to try something else, doesn't it? 981 00:54:27,090 --> 00:54:30,317 Now you mention it, I wouldn't mind some sausages and tomatoes. 982 00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:51,936 Yeah... 983 00:54:51,971 --> 00:54:53,398 Cor... 984 00:54:53,433 --> 00:54:55,795 What is it? Quick, tell me. What's she had? 985 00:54:55,830 --> 00:54:58,235 Bacon and egg and fried potatoes. 986 00:54:58,270 --> 00:54:59,843 - Eh? - So far. 987 00:54:59,878 --> 00:55:01,881 What? Hasn't she? Hasn't she had the? 988 00:55:01,916 --> 00:55:06,278 No, I'm afraid not, Mr Tidey. You may as well go back to your trains. 989 00:55:06,313 --> 00:55:08,395 What, again? I can't do that. 990 00:55:08,430 --> 00:55:11,239 What'll my mates say? I shall be a laughing stock. 991 00:55:11,274 --> 00:55:13,837 Well, in your job, you should be used to that. 992 00:55:13,872 --> 00:55:16,400 I've got to be back at work on Monday, you know. 993 00:55:16,435 --> 00:55:18,322 We're starting another strike then. 994 00:55:18,357 --> 00:55:23,389 Really? Well, if it hasn't arrived by then, I think I might join you. 995 00:55:23,424 --> 00:55:25,197 Now, look here. 996 00:55:25,232 --> 00:55:28,118 I'm not budging from here until she's had it and that's it. 997 00:55:28,153 --> 00:55:32,153 Well, please yourself, Mr Tidey, but there's nothing more we can do about it. 998 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,356 Dynamite, that's what she needs. 999 00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:38,603 Give her dynamite! 1000 00:55:38,638 --> 00:55:41,518 - Morning, Arthur. - Morning, Sir Bernard. 1001 00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:45,199 - Sir Bernard. - Yes, what is it, Matron? 1002 00:55:45,234 --> 00:55:47,674 I'd like to apologise for what happened in my room. 1003 00:55:47,709 --> 00:55:52,874 Matron, if you're worried that I might be considering disciplinary action, you needn't be. 1004 00:55:52,909 --> 00:55:54,677 We're all mature, adult people, 1005 00:55:54,712 --> 00:55:58,679 and whatever goes on between you and Dr Goode is no concern of mine, 1006 00:55:58,714 --> 00:56:01,523 however disgusting it may be! 1007 00:56:01,558 --> 00:56:04,403 Nothing goes on. We're just good friends. 1008 00:56:04,438 --> 00:56:07,455 Good fr... I know all about good friends. I had one at school. 1009 00:56:07,490 --> 00:56:10,437 She was the groundsman's daughter, but never got off the ground. 1010 00:56:10,472 --> 00:56:15,076 That is a very uncalled-for remark, Sir Bernard, and I shall expect an apology. 1011 00:56:15,111 --> 00:56:17,798 It isn't all you're expecting, I shouldn't wonder. 1012 00:56:17,833 --> 00:56:22,391 Very well, Sir Bernard. But don't come to me again when you want to prove yourself. 1013 00:56:22,426 --> 00:56:26,473 I am a woman, not a do-it-yourself kit! 1014 00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:37,195 Good morning, Doctor. 1015 00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:40,601 Have a bad night? 1016 00:56:40,636 --> 00:56:42,437 No, thanks. I've just had one. 1017 00:56:42,472 --> 00:56:45,836 Just exactly what did you do to my roommate last night? 1018 00:56:45,871 --> 00:56:48,434 - Your roommate? - Yes. Nurse Carter. 1019 00:56:48,469 --> 00:56:50,441 What did I do to her? 1020 00:56:50,476 --> 00:56:54,394 Yes. Well, she hasn't been back to the room all night. She's just disappeared. 1021 00:56:54,429 --> 00:56:57,836 - That's the best news I've heard today. - I hope she's all right. 1022 00:56:57,871 --> 00:56:59,921 I'm supposed to be looking after her. 1023 00:56:59,956 --> 00:57:02,679 Believe me, Nurse Ball. That girl can look after herself. 1024 00:57:02,714 --> 00:57:04,914 Have you done Mrs Brown's specimen? 1025 00:57:04,949 --> 00:57:07,052 - What? - Mrs Brown's specimen! 1026 00:57:07,087 --> 00:57:09,156 Eurgh! It's done. Take it away. 1027 00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:18,311 Send in the first patient, please. 1028 00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:22,198 Morning, Doctor. 1029 00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:27,390 Oh. Mrs Tucker, isn't it? Do sit down, Mrs Tucker. 1030 00:57:27,425 --> 00:57:29,436 Thank you, Doctor. 1031 00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:33,400 Now, what's your problem? 1032 00:57:33,435 --> 00:57:36,159 Well, I came to see you three months ago, if you remember, 1033 00:57:36,194 --> 00:57:37,763 because I was going to get married 1034 00:57:37,798 --> 00:57:40,713 and I was worried about my husband being able to have a baby. 1035 00:57:40,748 --> 00:57:44,395 - Yes, that's right. He was a bit older than you. - 88. 1036 00:57:44,430 --> 00:57:46,640 Yes. And? 1037 00:57:46,675 --> 00:57:51,788 Well, if you remember, you suggested it might be a good idea if I were to take in a lodger. 1038 00:57:51,823 --> 00:57:54,186 You know, someone a little nearer my own age. 1039 00:57:54,221 --> 00:57:56,549 Yes. But purely off the record, of course. 1040 00:57:56,584 --> 00:57:58,357 Well, it worked. I'm pregnant. 1041 00:57:58,392 --> 00:58:02,109 - Really? What about your husband? - Oh, he's tickled pink. 1042 00:58:02,144 --> 00:58:05,510 Oh. That's all right, then. What about the lodger? 1043 00:58:05,545 --> 00:58:07,238 Well, that's the trouble. 1044 00:58:07,273 --> 00:58:09,276 She's pregnant, too. 1045 00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:13,990 Nurse Carter, I've been worried about you. Where have you been? 1046 00:58:14,025 --> 00:58:16,081 Fast asleep in the sluice room, Matron. 1047 00:58:16,116 --> 00:58:18,804 I couldn't stand the fuss last night. I had to get away. 1048 00:58:18,839 --> 00:58:22,434 But you acted splendidly, my dear. We're all very proud of you. 1049 00:58:22,469 --> 00:58:25,711 Matron, I don't think I'm cut out to be a nurse. I want to pack it in. 1050 00:58:25,746 --> 00:58:28,484 Nonsense. You're just tired. You take the day off. 1051 00:58:28,519 --> 00:58:31,672 Have a nice rest, and tomorrow you'll feel differently about it. 1052 00:58:31,707 --> 00:58:33,477 - Oh, no, I won't. - Take it from me. 1053 00:58:33,512 --> 00:58:36,125 I've had hundreds of capable nurses through my hands 1054 00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:39,676 and you have that extra little something the others haven't got. 1055 00:58:39,711 --> 00:58:40,999 How did you know? 1056 00:58:41,034 --> 00:58:43,599 Excuse me, but the dispensary's out of Penbritin. 1057 00:58:43,634 --> 00:58:46,358 I shall go to my room, get the key and meet you in the store. 1058 00:58:46,393 --> 00:58:49,995 Nurse Ball, take Nurse Carter to your room and put her to bed immediately. 1059 00:58:50,030 --> 00:58:52,001 - Oh, no! - Oh, yes. Do as I say. 1060 00:58:52,036 --> 00:58:55,157 Come along, Matron's pet. Let's go to bye-byes. 1061 00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:00,516 I think I can manage from here, thank you. 1062 00:59:00,551 --> 00:59:02,123 I may as well see you into bed. 1063 00:59:02,158 --> 00:59:04,196 No. I'd rather be alone, if you don't mind. 1064 00:59:04,231 --> 00:59:06,430 - Please yourself. - Thank you. 1065 00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:12,872 I don't believe it! 1066 00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:27,393 I just couldn't go without making sure you were OK. 1067 00:59:27,428 --> 00:59:28,798 Perfectly, thank you. 1068 00:59:28,833 --> 00:59:31,798 You fell right on your chest. I hope you didn't do it any damage. 1069 00:59:31,833 --> 00:59:33,836 Oh, no. It's fine, rea... 1070 00:59:35,960 --> 00:59:39,714 Oh, good. Well, now I'm here, I might as well help you get undressed. 1071 00:59:39,749 --> 00:59:42,040 - I can manage by myself, thanks. - Don't be silly. 1072 00:59:42,075 --> 00:59:45,550 - Honestly, I don't need help. - Good heavens. What are you worried about? 1073 00:59:45,585 --> 00:59:47,596 As a nurse, I've had to undress plenty of men. 1074 00:59:47,631 --> 00:59:50,792 I dare say, but that's beside the point. Some people... 1075 00:59:50,827 --> 00:59:52,597 You said men. 1076 00:59:52,632 --> 00:59:54,482 You know, then? But how? 1077 00:59:54,517 --> 00:59:59,720 When you tripped on the stairs just now, I saw something that left no doubt at all. 1078 00:59:59,755 --> 01:00:02,155 Oh, well, that's it, then, isn't it? 1079 01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:07,916 I've met some pretty kinky nurses in my time, but never one who wore striped shorts. 1080 01:00:07,951 --> 01:00:11,629 Oh! I pinched those last night when I split the black lace ones. 1081 01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:16,041 Black lace... I'd love to have seen that. 1082 01:00:16,076 --> 01:00:18,799 I don't have to bother with this damn thing any more. 1083 01:00:18,834 --> 01:00:22,076 Oh, that's much better. 1084 01:00:22,111 --> 01:00:25,202 You know, you're really quite dishy. 1085 01:00:25,237 --> 01:00:27,594 I bet you say that to all the female impersonators. 1086 01:00:27,629 --> 01:00:32,236 Would you mind telling me, why the hell did you do it? For a bet, or something? 1087 01:00:32,271 --> 01:00:34,480 - No, nothing like that. - Oh, I see. 1088 01:00:34,515 --> 01:00:37,956 You just felt the urge to become a nurse and deliver a few kids, eh? 1089 01:00:37,991 --> 01:00:39,757 No. I didn't know that would happen. 1090 01:00:39,792 --> 01:00:44,271 Well, why then? We are roommates, and roommates ought not to have secrets. 1091 01:00:44,306 --> 01:00:46,043 You won't like it if I tell you. 1092 01:00:46,078 --> 01:00:49,311 - Well, I'm not forcing you to. - Oh, no. Please, don't go. 1093 01:00:49,346 --> 01:00:51,321 I'd like you to know. 1094 01:00:51,356 --> 01:00:54,079 You see, it all started... 1095 01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:04,194 How do you do? I wonder if you could tell me where I could find Nurse Carter. 1096 01:01:04,229 --> 01:01:05,770 Are you from the press? 1097 01:01:05,805 --> 01:01:07,277 Oh, no. I'm his father. 1098 01:01:07,312 --> 01:01:09,914 Er... she's my son. My... my daughter. 1099 01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:13,594 I've got so many kids, it gets confusing. 1100 01:01:13,629 --> 01:01:17,952 Well, Mr Carter, she's resting at the moment. She had a very hard night. 1101 01:01:17,987 --> 01:01:22,276 Yes, I know. But I'm sure she'd like to see me. Just for a few minutes. 1102 01:01:22,311 --> 01:01:24,692 Well, since you're her father. 1103 01:01:24,727 --> 01:01:26,819 She's at No. 16, the nurses' home. 1104 01:01:26,854 --> 01:01:28,912 That's outside and turn right. 1105 01:01:28,947 --> 01:01:30,319 Thank you. 1106 01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:41,351 Mrs Kemp, what was Mr Hodgkiss doing here? 1107 01:01:41,386 --> 01:01:43,361 Mr Hodgkiss, Matron? 1108 01:01:43,396 --> 01:01:45,401 Yes. The man who just went out. 1109 01:01:45,436 --> 01:01:48,990 Oh, that wasn't Mr Hodgkiss, Matron. That was Mr Carter. 1110 01:01:49,025 --> 01:01:51,306 Nurse Carter's father. 1111 01:01:51,341 --> 01:01:53,588 I could have sworn that... 1112 01:01:53,623 --> 01:01:55,601 What did he want? 1113 01:01:55,636 --> 01:01:57,576 To see his daughter, I think. 1114 01:01:57,611 --> 01:01:59,516 I sent him to the nurses' home. 1115 01:01:59,551 --> 01:02:01,521 Did you? 1116 01:02:01,556 --> 01:02:03,790 There's something funny going on here. 1117 01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,378 I told you you wouldn't like it. 1118 01:02:09,413 --> 01:02:11,962 You, a crook? I don't believe it. 1119 01:02:11,997 --> 01:02:15,959 I'm not a proper one. It's my first go at it, actually. I only did it to please my dad. 1120 01:02:15,994 --> 01:02:20,352 - To pinch pills? But that's ridiculous! - Yeah. I agree. It's stupid. 1121 01:02:20,387 --> 01:02:22,351 You'll have to tell them, I suppose. 1122 01:02:22,386 --> 01:02:24,361 Well, yes. I suppose I should. 1123 01:02:24,396 --> 01:02:27,711 But... I don't know, I just don't think they'd believe it. 1124 01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:30,801 Well, I'd better get back to work. 1125 01:02:30,836 --> 01:02:33,240 - You mean you're not going to? - Not going to what? 1126 01:02:33,275 --> 01:02:37,353 - Tell them about me and what I'm doing here. - What about you? What are you doing here? 1127 01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:40,874 You're lovely. Do you know that? 1128 01:02:40,909 --> 01:02:43,028 Ah... you're not so bad yourself. 1129 01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:45,444 What was that for? 1130 01:02:45,479 --> 01:02:48,996 For being kind enough not to undo my bra when I asked you to yesterday. 1131 01:02:49,031 --> 01:02:50,832 I'm glad you brought that up. 1132 01:02:50,867 --> 01:02:52,876 Here, stop it. 1133 01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,913 Excuse me. 1134 01:03:07,948 --> 01:03:08,954 Uh! 1135 01:03:08,989 --> 01:03:11,230 Cor blimey! 1136 01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:14,316 - Dad. - Cyril. 1137 01:03:14,351 --> 01:03:16,493 This is my roommate Susan. 1138 01:03:16,528 --> 01:03:18,636 - Oh, hello. - How do you do? 1139 01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:22,000 Is that who you were worried about sharing with? 1140 01:03:22,035 --> 01:03:24,588 - Yeah. That's right. - I sent you to the wrong school. 1141 01:03:24,623 --> 01:03:27,194 Will you excuse me? I've got to get back. 1142 01:03:27,229 --> 01:03:29,201 What do you think you're doing? 1143 01:03:29,236 --> 01:03:31,241 Kissing nurses. And without your wig on. 1144 01:03:31,276 --> 01:03:34,374 - You might have given yourself away. - She knows all about it. 1145 01:03:34,409 --> 01:03:37,438 I know. They all do these day... You mean, she knows about us? 1146 01:03:37,473 --> 01:03:40,791 - Yeah. But she won't tell anyone. - That's it. We've got to do it tonight. 1147 01:03:40,826 --> 01:03:44,121 - You're still going through with it? - Of course I am! 1148 01:03:44,156 --> 01:03:47,471 - Don't expect any help from me. - Now, son. Son, don't let me down. 1149 01:03:47,506 --> 01:03:48,958 We need you to get us in. 1150 01:03:48,993 --> 01:03:51,354 - No, I'm sorry, Dad... - You promised your mum. 1151 01:03:51,389 --> 01:03:55,314 - Now, look, Dad. - Gertie... if you're listening to your son now, 1152 01:03:55,349 --> 01:03:57,321 plug up your ear holes. 1153 01:03:57,356 --> 01:03:59,829 It's too late. Do you hear that noise? 1154 01:03:59,864 --> 01:04:02,070 She's turning in her grave. 1155 01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:06,403 - All right. All right, Dad, I'll do it. - Good boy. 1156 01:04:06,438 --> 01:04:09,990 - Just tell me what you want me to do. - Stop doing that, for a start. 1157 01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:18,198 - We'll be here at 11 o'clock sharp. Got that? - Yes. 1158 01:04:18,233 --> 01:04:21,153 We don't want any more slip-ups, so please try and be careful. 1159 01:04:21,188 --> 01:04:22,797 How did that nurse get on to you? 1160 01:04:22,832 --> 01:04:25,115 She saw these pants when I tripped on the stairs. 1161 01:04:25,150 --> 01:04:28,357 - We can't risk that. You'll have to take 'em off. - What? 1162 01:04:28,392 --> 01:04:30,396 - Take your pants off. - Oh, no. 1163 01:04:30,431 --> 01:04:32,401 Get 'em off! 1164 01:04:32,436 --> 01:04:36,115 What's going on in there? Open this door at once! 1165 01:04:36,150 --> 01:04:38,235 - That's Matron! - I'd better get out. 1166 01:04:38,270 --> 01:04:40,813 - That's the loo. Nurse Carter, are you all right? 1167 01:04:40,848 --> 01:04:42,843 - Yes! - Open this door at once. 1168 01:04:42,878 --> 01:04:44,839 I know there's a man in there. 1169 01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:48,793 Let her in. 1170 01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:00,361 Oh! Oh, you poor child. 1171 01:05:00,396 --> 01:05:02,835 Where is he? Where is the filthy beast? 1172 01:05:02,870 --> 01:05:03,585 Oh! 1173 01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:12,198 Come back, you monster! 1174 01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:19,030 Come back! 1175 01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:22,034 Ooh! 1176 01:05:22,069 --> 01:05:24,990 - Shh. It's all right. Don't scream. - What do you want? 1177 01:05:25,025 --> 01:05:27,912 Well, that's very nice of you, but I haven't got the time. 1178 01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:33,038 Oh... 1179 01:05:33,073 --> 01:05:35,116 All right, Nurse. Don't worry. 1180 01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:46,036 Oh... 1181 01:05:46,071 --> 01:05:48,116 Come back! 1182 01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,083 Come back. I want you! 1183 01:05:53,118 --> 01:05:56,795 My God! She's a sex maniac! 1184 01:05:56,830 --> 01:05:57,545 Go! 1185 01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,475 Good heavens, that's what's wrong with me. 1186 01:06:06,510 --> 01:06:07,879 I love her. 1187 01:06:12,560 --> 01:06:14,710 Miss Banks, I want to see Dr Goode immediately. 1188 01:06:14,745 --> 01:06:18,076 Dr Goode, Psychiatry. Can I help you? 1189 01:06:18,111 --> 01:06:20,354 Oh, Miss Banks. Does he? 1190 01:06:20,389 --> 01:06:22,598 Come in. 1191 01:06:23,960 --> 01:06:26,359 Ah, Goode, my dear chap. 1192 01:06:26,394 --> 01:06:30,598 Come in and close the door, will you, old boy? 1193 01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:33,443 You wanted to see me about something. 1194 01:06:33,478 --> 01:06:37,439 Yes. And don't pretend you don't know what it is, you filthy beast! 1195 01:06:37,474 --> 01:06:38,554 What? 1196 01:06:38,589 --> 01:06:45,313 Don't try and deny it. I know what's been going on between you and Matron, in her room, 1197 01:06:45,348 --> 01:06:49,211 every night, bouncing about together like a pair of Ping-Pong balls. 1198 01:06:49,246 --> 01:06:54,041 I beg your pardon! We've never had so much as an ounce of a bounce. 1199 01:06:54,076 --> 01:06:58,837 Don't expect me to believe all that claptrap about watching television. 1200 01:06:58,872 --> 01:07:01,445 The set wasn't even turned on. 1201 01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,994 Oh, no. We had it off before you came in. 1202 01:07:04,029 --> 01:07:06,799 Aha! So you admit it, then? 1203 01:07:06,834 --> 01:07:08,801 Certainly not! 1204 01:07:08,836 --> 01:07:11,150 I've never felt about Matron in that way. 1205 01:07:11,185 --> 01:07:13,321 But now you come to mention it... 1206 01:07:13,356 --> 01:07:18,673 Aha! I'll get the truth, if I have to beat it out of you, you swine! 1207 01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:21,538 Oh, no. No. 1208 01:07:21,573 --> 01:07:23,321 Sir Bernard... 1209 01:07:23,356 --> 01:07:25,396 Sir Bernard, no! No! 1210 01:07:25,431 --> 01:07:27,401 Help! Help! 1211 01:07:27,436 --> 01:07:30,158 - Oh! - I think Sir Bernard's upset about something. 1212 01:07:30,193 --> 01:07:33,362 - I'll kill him, do you hear? I'll kill him! - Please. You mustn't. 1213 01:07:33,397 --> 01:07:36,756 - Get out of my way, Miss Banks. - I can't let you. Think of the scandal. 1214 01:07:36,791 --> 01:07:38,796 - Get out of my way! - Argh! 1215 01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:42,338 Now, for the last time, will you admit it? 1216 01:07:42,373 --> 01:07:44,604 I've never even touched her, I swear it! 1217 01:07:44,639 --> 01:07:46,801 Liar and lecher. Admit it! Admit it! 1218 01:07:46,836 --> 01:07:50,310 I'm telling the truth. I swear it. Newt's honour. 1219 01:07:50,345 --> 01:07:52,321 You're a Newt? 1220 01:07:52,356 --> 01:07:56,353 Yes. I've been Master of the Grand Order of Newts for five years. 1221 01:07:56,388 --> 01:07:57,963 Really? 1222 01:07:57,998 --> 01:08:01,516 Of course. And I was a Tadpole for three years before that. 1223 01:08:01,551 --> 01:08:03,521 But this is splendid. 1224 01:08:03,556 --> 01:08:06,257 What pond do you belong to? 1225 01:08:06,292 --> 01:08:08,644 Wapping and Old Stairs. 1226 01:08:08,679 --> 01:08:10,961 - Really? - Yes. 1227 01:08:10,996 --> 01:08:16,234 I am a Grand Salamander Newt of the Watford pond. 1228 01:08:16,269 --> 01:08:17,434 You're not! 1229 01:08:17,469 --> 01:08:19,312 - Glub glub. - Glub glub. 1230 01:08:19,347 --> 01:08:20,514 We swear 1231 01:08:20,549 --> 01:08:24,519 to uphold the noble code of the Grand Order of Newts... 1232 01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:35,074 Now, come on, Mrs Tidey. Let's get to sleep. 1233 01:08:35,109 --> 01:08:37,081 But I'm still hungry. 1234 01:08:37,116 --> 01:08:40,670 It's not good to go to sleep on an empty stomach. 1235 01:08:40,705 --> 01:08:43,603 Well, I'd hardly call yours empty, Mrs Tidey. 1236 01:08:43,638 --> 01:08:47,554 She's had two of everything for supper, Matron. And two mugs of cocoa. 1237 01:08:47,589 --> 01:08:51,713 Well, we can't let her go to sleep hungry, can we, Sister? 1238 01:08:51,748 --> 01:08:55,793 What about a nice big glass of... castor oil? 1239 01:08:55,828 --> 01:08:57,472 Good night. 1240 01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:29,681 I'm going up to my room now, Arthur. 1241 01:09:29,716 --> 01:09:32,075 It should be a quiet night. Nothing on the books. 1242 01:09:32,110 --> 01:09:34,116 I hope so, after last night. 1243 01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:41,323 Who is it? 1244 01:09:41,358 --> 01:09:42,919 It's me, Susan. 1245 01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:48,790 Here you are. I think they're dry enough. 1246 01:09:48,825 --> 01:09:50,198 Thanks a lot. 1247 01:09:50,233 --> 01:09:53,596 Next time, be more choosy about which nurse you have a bath with. 1248 01:09:53,631 --> 01:09:55,601 They smell something awful. 1249 01:09:55,636 --> 01:09:59,554 - I didn't notice what she smelt like. - No. You were too busy looking. 1250 01:09:59,589 --> 01:10:01,596 Oh, go on. Go and get changed. 1251 01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:07,156 Here, do you know something? I don't know what your name is. 1252 01:10:07,191 --> 01:10:08,798 What is it really? 1253 01:10:08,833 --> 01:10:10,403 Cyril. 1254 01:10:10,438 --> 01:10:13,253 Oh, dear. Well, I suppose I'll get used to it. 1255 01:10:13,288 --> 01:10:16,068 Does that mean you want to see me again, then? 1256 01:10:16,103 --> 01:10:18,230 Well, that all depends on you, doesn't it? 1257 01:10:18,265 --> 01:10:19,843 You know I want to see you. 1258 01:10:19,878 --> 01:10:23,509 That's all very well, but I don't fancy being a gangster's moll. 1259 01:10:23,544 --> 01:10:26,433 I've told you. Honestly. I'm going to pack it all in. 1260 01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:29,909 All right, Nurse. It's a deal. 1261 01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:41,055 How's the time? 1262 01:10:41,090 --> 01:10:42,756 Two minutes to. 1263 01:10:42,791 --> 01:10:45,235 Drive in slowly, and park. 1264 01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:01,909 Dad, wait a minute! Listen! Dad! 1265 01:11:01,944 --> 01:11:02,909 Dad! 1266 01:11:03,840 --> 01:11:05,761 - Everything OK? - No. 1267 01:11:05,796 --> 01:11:07,801 Prodd's hanging around the entrance hall. 1268 01:11:07,836 --> 01:11:11,390 - Is that the one who tried to get matey? - Yes. That's what I'm worried about. 1269 01:11:11,425 --> 01:11:13,083 - Get him out here. - Me? How? 1270 01:11:13,118 --> 01:11:15,589 You're a woman, aren't you? Flash 'em. 1271 01:11:16,640 --> 01:11:18,073 Dad... 1272 01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:21,281 You seem a bit down tonight, doc. 1273 01:11:21,316 --> 01:11:25,154 You'd be down, too, if you'd had 50ccs of pethidine up your archipelago. 1274 01:11:25,189 --> 01:11:27,116 Hey, talking about that, 1275 01:11:27,151 --> 01:11:29,470 - here comes our little heroine. - Oh, no. 1276 01:11:29,505 --> 01:11:31,481 Oh, Dr Prodd, 1277 01:11:31,516 --> 01:11:33,833 I wanted to apologise for what I did last night. 1278 01:11:33,868 --> 01:11:36,116 It's all right. It only hurts when I sit down. 1279 01:11:36,151 --> 01:11:39,312 You've been so sweet about it, I feel I owe you something in return. 1280 01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:41,958 Well, if you put it like that... 1281 01:11:41,993 --> 01:11:43,563 What had you in mind? 1282 01:11:43,598 --> 01:11:45,636 I was wondering whether you'd like to see... 1283 01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:48,124 me back to the nurses' home. 1284 01:11:48,159 --> 01:11:50,708 Yes, I think I could just about manage it. 1285 01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:52,909 Standing up. 1286 01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:02,830 I don't know what it is about a maternity hospital, but they're all at it. 1287 01:12:09,760 --> 01:12:11,761 - Just a minute. - What's the matter? 1288 01:12:11,796 --> 01:12:13,757 - I've got something for you. - What is it? 1289 01:12:13,792 --> 01:12:15,592 A little surprise. Close your eyes. 1290 01:12:15,627 --> 01:12:17,033 Let me have it. 1291 01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,910 All right. That's it. Get Ernie. 1292 01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:37,995 All right, Ernie, this is it. Out you get. 1293 01:12:38,030 --> 01:12:40,998 - Well, come on. Jump. - I can't jump in my condition. 1294 01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:43,679 - Bag. - And you. 1295 01:12:43,714 --> 01:12:45,413 - Get the bag. - Sh! 1296 01:12:45,448 --> 01:12:47,077 - Nurse. - Get the bag! 1297 01:12:47,112 --> 01:12:49,953 Pregnant and I've got to carry my own bag. Cop hold of that. 1298 01:12:49,988 --> 01:12:51,553 Watch it. Just watch it. 1299 01:12:52,920 --> 01:12:54,876 Hold it. Careful. Careful. 1300 01:12:54,911 --> 01:12:56,881 It won't be long now. 1301 01:12:56,916 --> 01:12:59,275 - You show the way? - Straight to the lift, Dad... 1302 01:12:59,310 --> 01:13:00,873 - Doctor. - Thank you. 1303 01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:07,475 - Hey, what is all this? - I er... It is all right. 1304 01:13:07,510 --> 01:13:09,291 I am Doctor... Zhivago. 1305 01:13:09,326 --> 01:13:11,037 I have here an emergency. 1306 01:13:11,072 --> 01:13:13,355 Oh. Are they expecting you, Doctor? 1307 01:13:13,390 --> 01:13:14,679 Expecting? 1308 01:13:14,714 --> 01:13:16,801 What do you think this is? Wind? 1309 01:13:16,836 --> 01:13:19,388 Don't you worry. The nurse knows all about it. 1310 01:13:19,423 --> 01:13:21,322 Oh, well, you're in good hands with her. 1311 01:13:21,357 --> 01:13:24,796 Jawohl. A proper little Florence the Nightingale. 1312 01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:36,430 Doctor Zhivago? 1313 01:13:37,520 --> 01:13:39,556 What did I tell you? It worked like a charm. 1314 01:13:39,591 --> 01:13:41,561 - Cor... - What's the matter? 1315 01:13:41,596 --> 01:13:43,397 It shows you, the power of suggestion. 1316 01:13:43,432 --> 01:13:46,522 - What are you talking about? - I could have sworn I felt it kicking. 1317 01:13:46,557 --> 01:13:50,269 You'll feel something kicking if you don't belt up. Come on, Freddy. Through here. 1318 01:13:55,680 --> 01:13:58,034 - We'll never pick that lock. - Can't we blow it? 1319 01:13:58,069 --> 01:14:01,277 That's right. Wake up the whole hospital. No. Only if we have to. 1320 01:14:01,312 --> 01:14:03,793 - Know where they keep the keys? - Matron's got a set. 1321 01:14:03,828 --> 01:14:06,274 - Where will I find her? - In her room on the fifth floor. 1322 01:14:06,309 --> 01:14:08,281 - You stay here with him. - Wait a minute. 1323 01:14:08,316 --> 01:14:11,039 - What if it happens while you're gone? - What happens? 1324 01:14:11,074 --> 01:14:12,837 Well, I mean, I... 1325 01:14:12,872 --> 01:14:15,520 I'm sorry. I keep thinking I'm really going to have one. 1326 01:14:15,555 --> 01:14:17,556 I'll give you one in a minute. 1327 01:14:17,591 --> 01:14:18,958 Here. 1328 01:14:18,993 --> 01:14:20,433 You twerp! 1329 01:14:25,760 --> 01:14:28,603 - Oh! - Oh. Scusi, madam, scusi. 1330 01:14:28,638 --> 01:14:31,518 That's all right. But what are you doing here? What do you want? 1331 01:14:31,553 --> 01:14:36,430 I think we are lost. We look for the um... how you say? Removal room? No? 1332 01:14:36,465 --> 01:14:38,636 Oh, you mean the delivery room. 1333 01:14:38,671 --> 01:14:40,323 Ah, jawohl. Ja. 1334 01:14:40,358 --> 01:14:43,796 I don't know how you found your way here, but it's on the ground floor. 1335 01:14:43,831 --> 01:14:45,677 Along there, down the stairs. 1336 01:14:45,712 --> 01:14:47,283 Ah, si. Si. 1337 01:14:47,318 --> 01:14:49,436 Grathias, mademoiselle. Grathias. 1338 01:14:49,471 --> 01:14:51,078 Enchante. 1339 01:14:53,520 --> 01:14:55,518 Come, Frederico. 1340 01:14:55,553 --> 01:14:57,516 Arrivederci. 1341 01:15:14,200 --> 01:15:15,518 Here, Sid... 1342 01:15:15,553 --> 01:15:18,200 - Good boy. Have you found them? - What are we looking for? 1343 01:15:18,235 --> 01:15:19,429 Oh, knickers! 1344 01:15:20,520 --> 01:15:22,511 Here, Sid, I've found 'em. 1345 01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:24,874 Put 'em down! 1346 01:15:25,960 --> 01:15:27,188 What are we looking for? 1347 01:15:27,223 --> 01:15:29,146 Keys, you fool! 1348 01:15:29,181 --> 01:15:31,069 Oh, keys, you fool. 1349 01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:44,234 Matron, it's me. May I come in? 1350 01:15:44,269 --> 01:15:46,276 It's Bernard. 1351 01:15:50,920 --> 01:15:52,035 Matron... 1352 01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:04,001 Still warm. 1353 01:16:04,036 --> 01:16:06,076 She can't be far away. 1354 01:16:06,111 --> 01:16:07,115 Oh... 1355 01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:15,476 Oh, Matron. I've come to apologise. 1356 01:16:15,511 --> 01:16:17,798 - I misjudged you terribly. - Oh? 1357 01:16:17,833 --> 01:16:20,798 And what's caused this sudden change, Sir Bernard? 1358 01:16:20,833 --> 01:16:22,642 A desire to prove yourself again? 1359 01:16:22,677 --> 01:16:26,912 No, no. I was talking to Dr Goode and he told me there was nothing between you 1360 01:16:26,947 --> 01:16:30,310 and, as a brother Newt, I believe him implicitly. 1361 01:16:30,345 --> 01:16:32,162 A brother Newt? 1362 01:16:32,197 --> 01:16:34,122 Yes. We're both Newts, you know. 1363 01:16:34,157 --> 01:16:37,630 Oh, where did you happen to meet? In a jam jar, perhaps? 1364 01:16:37,665 --> 01:16:40,951 Oh, now, don't be like that, Matron. 1365 01:16:40,986 --> 01:16:42,961 Say you'll forgive me. Please. 1366 01:16:42,996 --> 01:16:44,763 Oh, that's all very well, Sir Bernard, 1367 01:16:44,798 --> 01:16:48,634 but the fact that you thought I could entertain a man in my room for the purpose of... 1368 01:16:48,669 --> 01:16:52,471 - well, that sort of thing. - What's wrong with... that sort of thing? 1369 01:16:52,506 --> 01:16:56,274 - I beg your pardon? - When two people are attracted to each other... 1370 01:16:56,309 --> 01:16:57,883 As you are to me? 1371 01:16:57,918 --> 01:17:00,878 Desperately. You're the medicine I've been wanting. 1372 01:17:00,913 --> 01:17:03,234 Three times a day and shake well before taking. 1373 01:17:03,269 --> 01:17:06,750 You have such a romantic way of putting things. I don't know what to say. 1374 01:17:06,785 --> 01:17:08,193 Say you'll have me! 1375 01:17:09,280 --> 01:17:10,938 Come, Sir Bernard. 1376 01:17:10,973 --> 01:17:12,596 Sit beside me. 1377 01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:15,313 - Ooh! - What on earth was that? 1378 01:17:16,360 --> 01:17:17,315 Ooh... 1379 01:17:18,600 --> 01:17:20,079 Oh, no! Not again! 1380 01:17:21,160 --> 01:17:24,391 They don't half put those gas meters in some funny places. 1381 01:17:24,426 --> 01:17:26,401 Excuse me, madam. 1382 01:17:26,436 --> 01:17:28,441 Matron! How could you? 1383 01:17:28,476 --> 01:17:31,756 Sir Bernard, I don't know what that man was doing down there. 1384 01:17:31,791 --> 01:17:35,037 No. You should have shoved him in the cupboard like the last one. 1385 01:17:35,072 --> 01:17:37,873 Perhaps you've got one in there alrea... Already! 1386 01:17:37,908 --> 01:17:39,916 My God! You have! 1387 01:17:41,560 --> 01:17:44,393 Yes. You've got woodworm in there all right, miss. 1388 01:17:44,428 --> 01:17:46,401 We'll send you an estimate. 1389 01:17:46,436 --> 01:17:48,954 Matron, I've only got one thing to say to you, 1390 01:17:48,989 --> 01:17:51,473 never try to join the Newts. 1391 01:17:51,508 --> 01:17:54,956 - I've never seen those men. They were in the... - I don't want... 1392 01:17:54,991 --> 01:17:57,883 Come on. Let's get this door open. 1393 01:17:57,918 --> 01:18:00,753 - Did you get it? - No. But we stopped someone else getting it. 1394 01:18:00,788 --> 01:18:02,990 We'll have to blow it. Ernie, get the stuff out. 1395 01:18:03,025 --> 01:18:04,797 Come on. Hurry up. 1396 01:18:04,832 --> 01:18:06,876 Be careful with it. Steady with it. 1397 01:18:08,680 --> 01:18:10,636 Slowly. 1398 01:18:11,880 --> 01:18:13,438 There. There you are. 1399 01:18:13,473 --> 01:18:14,964 Careful. 1400 01:18:14,999 --> 01:18:18,799 Huh... Looking for woodworm... Reading the gas meter... 1401 01:18:18,834 --> 01:18:22,599 - I'm not a fool. - You certainly are if you believe that. 1402 01:18:22,634 --> 01:18:24,681 I tell you, those men are up to no good. 1403 01:18:24,716 --> 01:18:27,075 Arthur, have you seen any suspicious men about? 1404 01:18:27,110 --> 01:18:28,478 Suspicious, Matron? 1405 01:18:28,513 --> 01:18:31,557 Yes. One in uniform, the other in a dark suit with a beard. 1406 01:18:31,592 --> 01:18:35,116 Oh, the men who came in with the emergency, about quarter of an hour ago. 1407 01:18:35,151 --> 01:18:36,917 There you are. What did I tell you? 1408 01:18:36,952 --> 01:18:39,713 Emergency? We're not expecting any emergencies, are we? 1409 01:18:39,748 --> 01:18:42,155 Well, Nurse Carter seemed to know all about it. 1410 01:18:42,190 --> 01:18:44,310 Nurse Carter? Where did they go? 1411 01:18:44,345 --> 01:18:45,514 Up in the lift, Matron. 1412 01:18:45,549 --> 01:18:50,475 We'll get to the bottom of this. Arthur, lock all the doors and don't let anyone in or out. 1413 01:18:50,510 --> 01:18:54,314 I'll find out who's been unauthorised in this hospital if it's the last thing I do... 1414 01:19:07,440 --> 01:19:09,590 All right. Come on. Get down. 1415 01:19:14,360 --> 01:19:15,804 Oh! Oh! 1416 01:19:15,839 --> 01:19:16,840 What's that? 1417 01:19:16,875 --> 01:19:18,736 Oh! Sister! Quick! 1418 01:19:18,771 --> 01:19:20,597 It's starting. 1419 01:19:22,760 --> 01:19:25,054 - Sister! - All right, Mrs Tidey. It's all right. 1420 01:19:25,089 --> 01:19:27,349 Just lie back. I won't be a moment. Just relax. 1421 01:19:31,960 --> 01:19:33,579 Come on, Dad. Hurry up. 1422 01:19:33,614 --> 01:19:35,198 All right. That's enough. 1423 01:19:35,233 --> 01:19:37,077 Here you are. 1424 01:19:38,160 --> 01:19:39,309 Let's go. 1425 01:19:48,800 --> 01:19:50,552 Blimey, that was quick, doc. 1426 01:19:50,587 --> 01:19:52,357 Ja. It's my new method. 1427 01:19:52,392 --> 01:19:54,401 I just whistle and out she comes. 1428 01:19:54,436 --> 01:19:57,751 - Pardon... - You can't go out, doc. I've locked the doors. 1429 01:19:57,786 --> 01:19:59,478 Back way. Quick! 1430 01:20:06,480 --> 01:20:07,674 Come on. Down here. 1431 01:20:09,040 --> 01:20:10,996 Here they are. 1432 01:20:13,120 --> 01:20:15,475 Locked. Through there! 1433 01:20:20,640 --> 01:20:22,596 They're locked! 1434 01:20:22,631 --> 01:20:24,636 Come on! 1435 01:20:26,440 --> 01:20:27,679 Down here! 1436 01:20:27,714 --> 01:20:28,949 There they are! 1437 01:20:32,480 --> 01:20:34,558 This is the maternity hospital here. 1438 01:20:34,593 --> 01:20:36,601 I'd like to report an explosion. 1439 01:20:36,636 --> 01:20:38,880 - They can't go through here. - Where can they be? 1440 01:20:38,915 --> 01:20:42,276 - Where could they have got to? - They must be round this way. 1441 01:20:43,600 --> 01:20:45,575 No! No! 1442 01:20:45,610 --> 01:20:49,721 Come on! 1443 01:20:49,756 --> 01:20:52,274 Stop those men! They're trespassing! 1444 01:20:56,551 --> 01:20:58,561 - Come on. Through here. - Right. 1445 01:20:58,596 --> 01:21:01,478 - I'll ladder my stockings. - Oh, shut up. Get in. 1446 01:21:05,240 --> 01:21:07,161 Look out. 1447 01:21:07,196 --> 01:21:09,919 Mind my... mind my back. 1448 01:21:11,520 --> 01:21:13,158 Matron. Through here. Quickly. 1449 01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:16,352 Dirty nappies. 1450 01:21:16,387 --> 01:21:17,953 Eurgh! 1451 01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:21,956 Come on, Matron. The wards. 1452 01:21:32,120 --> 01:21:33,075 Aargh! 1453 01:21:35,400 --> 01:21:36,897 Missed me! 1454 01:21:36,932 --> 01:21:38,395 Aargh! 1455 01:21:56,000 --> 01:21:57,717 Mr Tidey... 1456 01:21:57,752 --> 01:22:00,791 Congratulations, your wife's just had a fine boy. 1457 01:22:00,826 --> 01:22:03,831 At last! I told you to use dynamite, didn't I? 1458 01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:06,876 Did you hear that, mates? 1459 01:22:06,911 --> 01:22:08,483 I've got a boy. 1460 01:22:08,518 --> 01:22:10,123 You've done it! Well done. 1461 01:22:10,158 --> 01:22:11,992 - Well done. - There they are! 1462 01:22:12,027 --> 01:22:14,036 There they are! Matron! 1463 01:22:35,400 --> 01:22:38,676 - Do you mind? - Blimey! 1464 01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:42,116 - It's no good. - Quick! 1465 01:22:44,040 --> 01:22:45,189 There they are! 1466 01:22:49,600 --> 01:22:51,556 - There they are. - Get them! 1467 01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:56,317 Get them! 1468 01:22:56,352 --> 01:22:58,510 There's millions of 'em, like rabbits! 1469 01:22:59,920 --> 01:23:01,841 Don't let them go. 1470 01:23:01,876 --> 01:23:03,722 All right, all right, the game's up. 1471 01:23:03,757 --> 01:23:05,682 Hand over whatever it is you've got there. 1472 01:23:05,717 --> 01:23:10,476 - Quiet, please. I am trying to phone. - Stop all that nonsense and call the police. 1473 01:23:10,511 --> 01:23:11,674 I'm trying to. 1474 01:23:11,709 --> 01:23:13,995 - I wouldn't, mate. - Why not? 1475 01:23:14,030 --> 01:23:18,591 Well, if it ever got out that the nurse who delivered those babies was a fella... 1476 01:23:19,640 --> 01:23:20,799 What? 1477 01:23:20,834 --> 01:23:22,656 I don't believe it. 1478 01:23:22,691 --> 01:23:24,479 You want more proof? 1479 01:23:26,240 --> 01:23:29,735 - Get off, Dad. - He's right, Sir Bernard. We'd never live it down. 1480 01:23:29,770 --> 01:23:33,230 Very well. Arthur, put the phone down. What is your proposition? 1481 01:23:33,265 --> 01:23:35,959 Simple. We give you the stuff back, you let us go. 1482 01:23:35,994 --> 01:23:38,474 - My baby. - Oh, shut up. 1483 01:23:41,080 --> 01:23:43,001 - Give it to me. - Give it to her! 1484 01:23:43,036 --> 01:23:45,998 - All right. Hold the case, then. - Oh, you fool. There. 1485 01:23:46,033 --> 01:23:48,230 You'll have to let them go, Sir Bernard. 1486 01:23:48,265 --> 01:23:50,709 Very well. Arthur, open the doors. 1487 01:24:08,240 --> 01:24:10,310 Ha-ha. It's time we left. 1488 01:24:10,345 --> 01:24:11,879 What on ea... 1489 01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:13,680 Prodd! 1490 01:24:15,200 --> 01:24:18,033 What on earth do you think you're doing, you idiot? 1491 01:24:27,320 --> 01:24:29,276 - Ah... - Well done, lad! 1492 01:24:29,311 --> 01:24:31,316 Well done. 1493 01:24:32,880 --> 01:24:34,916 - Our turn next, eh? - It'd better be. 1494 01:24:34,951 --> 01:24:37,434 - You're not, are you? - Oh... 1495 01:24:37,469 --> 01:24:40,079 - Here. - Oh... 1496 01:24:40,114 --> 01:24:42,121 Don't they look lovely? 1497 01:24:42,156 --> 01:24:44,879 Yeah. I'm glad something good's come out of it, anyway. 1498 01:24:45,960 --> 01:24:47,881 Happy, my dear? 1499 01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:52,034 Especially for you. You'll be able to prove yourself at last. 1500 01:24:52,069 --> 01:24:56,117 I'm not worried about that any more, I can assure you, my dear. 1501 01:24:56,152 --> 01:24:59,596 - Are we going to do another job? - Of course. I've got a beauty lined up. 1502 01:24:59,631 --> 01:25:01,203 Really? What is it? 1503 01:25:01,238 --> 01:25:04,243 I was reading about this millionaire's nudist camp. 1504 01:25:04,278 --> 01:25:07,397 If I could just get somebody in there to look it over... 1505 01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:11,523 Hey! Come back! 1506 01:25:11,558 --> 01:25:13,198 Come back, you fools! 119191

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