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1
00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:17,351
♪♪ [Rock 'N' Roll]
2
00:00:21,398 --> 00:00:26,148
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
3
00:00:26,236 --> 00:00:29,856
♪ I'm gonna miss you so ♪
4
00:00:29,948 --> 00:00:34,368
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
5
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:37,162
♪ Why'd ya have to go ♪
6
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:40,168
[Girls]
♪ Bye, bye ♪
[ Sobs]
7
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:44,801
♪ No more sunshine ♪
♪ Sunshine ♪
8
00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:48,511
♪ It's followed you away ♪
♪ You away♪
9
00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:52,853
♪ I'll cry, Birdie ♪
♪ Birdie♪
10
00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:56,429
♪ Till you're home to stay ♪
11
00:00:56,516 --> 00:01:00,646
♪ I'll miss the way you smile
As though it's just for me ♪
12
00:01:00,729 --> 00:01:06,319
♪ And each and every night
I'll write you faithfully ♪
13
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,990
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
14
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:15,663
♪ It's awful hard to bear ♪
15
00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:20,084
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
16
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:24,375
♪ Guess I'll always care ♪
17
00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:28,631
♪ Guess I'll always care ♪
18
00:01:28,715 --> 00:01:32,585
♪ Guess I'll always care ♪♪
19
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,570
[ Girls Screaming ]
20
00:02:08,213 --> 00:02:10,223
[ Girls Screaming ]
21
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,649
Look! Look!
22
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:36,121
[ Chattering In Chinese ]
23
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:43,044
I'm gonna enter you in Washington.
24
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,127
Hey! Hey!
Ho! Hey!
25
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:49,089
Look! Look! Hey!
Oooh, hey!
26
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:52,090
[Women Screaming ]
27
00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,650
[Girls]
♪ We love you, Conrad♪
28
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,487
♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪
29
00:03:17,574 --> 00:03:20,204
♪ We love you, Conrad♪
30
00:03:20,285 --> 00:03:22,995
♪ And we'll be true ♪
31
00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:25,999
♪ When you're not near us ♪
32
00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:28,752
♪ We're blue ♪
33
00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:34,125
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪
34
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,885
♪ We love you, Conrad ♪
35
00:03:36,968 --> 00:03:39,598
This is John Daly reporting
with the CBS mobile unit...
36
00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:42,179
in front of
the nation's capital...
37
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:46,805
bringing you special
on-the-spot coverage
of our current teenage crisis...
38
00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:49,435
over the drafting
of Conrad Birdie.
39
00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:53,402
Sociologists agree
that Birdie is a phenomenon.
40
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:57,414
And for those few music lovers
who have never attended
one of his concerts,
41
00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,488
here are some news photos
tracing his meteoric rise.
42
00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:47,828
And that‒ that is
our army's newest weapon.
43
00:04:47,914 --> 00:04:51,544
Private Birdie reports
for his induction in ten days.
44
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:55,756
His income drops from
two million dollars a year...
45
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,008
to $78 a month.
46
00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:01,221
It could only happen
in America.
47
00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:06,644
Why?
48
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:09,394
Why did they
have to draft him?
49
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,307
Just when I finally write
a song he's gonna do.
50
00:05:12,397 --> 00:05:14,647
The title song
of his next picture.
51
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:17,572
"Mumbo Jumbo Gooey Gumbo."
52
00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:19,992
Now there's no picture.
53
00:05:20,071 --> 00:05:22,571
There's nothing.
54
00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:31,459
Albert, I have
your financial statement
if you really want to hear it.
55
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:35,132
Total assets: $312.08.
[ Coughing ]
56
00:05:35,253 --> 00:05:38,803
Liabilities:
$4,030.
[ Choking ]
57
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,801
You‒
58
00:05:44,804 --> 00:05:47,774
Confidentially,
you're a fiscal fiasco.
59
00:05:47,849 --> 00:05:49,769
Good-bye, Albert.
60
00:05:49,851 --> 00:05:52,401
It's a sad ending
to a long association.
61
00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:55,608
Yeah. Oh, don't you wanna
say good-bye to Pidge?
62
00:06:01,696 --> 00:06:05,946
Almaelou's busted, Pidge.
Better get yourself
another meal ticket.
63
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:10,830
In six years,
I never sold one lousy song.
64
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,463
Maybe they weren't
lousy enough.
65
00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:19,835
I don't care so much
about myself,
66
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:22,552
but I'm my mother's
sole support.
67
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,093
I've wasted every cent
my father left Mama‒
68
00:06:25,178 --> 00:06:28,218
It's not your fault.
Your mother wants you
to be a songwriter.
69
00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:31,596
You can make a good living
as a biochemist.
70
00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:35,774
That's a wonderful profession.
But Mama, she wants‒
71
00:06:35,855 --> 00:06:41,145
Just because she was once
in vaudeville doesn't mean that
you belong in show business.
72
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:45,735
Confidentially,
I respect my mother,
but I do what I want.
73
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:49,493
Well, Mama's sensitive.
When I upset her, she faints.
74
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:53,657
Why, with your ideas,
you can make a fortune
in chemistry.
75
00:06:53,748 --> 00:06:57,918
Chemistry. Chemistry.
Chemistry!
76
00:06:58,002 --> 00:07:01,422
You sound like Rosie.
Where is she? Where's Rosie?
77
00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:05,756
She phoned. She heard about
Birdie being drafted. Said she
was gonna see Ed Sullivan.
78
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,013
Sure, to get another job.
79
00:07:08,096 --> 00:07:12,596
Oh, fine secretary.
Why, we have been
practically engaged!
80
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,943
Just waiting for an okay
from Mama.
81
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,609
Now when I hit bottom,
Rosie deserts me.
82
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,608
Quits before
my body's even warm.
83
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,611
Ed Sullivan!
84
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:27,530
Would you send in
Rosie De Leon, please.
85
00:07:29,784 --> 00:07:33,624
[ Sighs ]
I-Is it yes, Mr. Sullivan?
It's just got to be yes.
86
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,714
Rosie, it is yes.
87
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:38,790
Oh, hallelujah!
Oh, I love you!
88
00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:41,956
Oh, that's marvelous!
Oh, I love you too!
I'm so glad!
89
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:45,006
Miss De Leon.
I'd like you to meet
our producer Bob Precht.
90
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:48,053
Oh, hi, how are you?
Well,
it's my pleasure.
91
00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:51,006
You know, Rosie, if you
can overcome your shyness,
tell me,
92
00:07:51,097 --> 00:07:53,977
what's our using Birdie
on the show got to do
with you?
93
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:58,228
Let's face it, I'm a scheming woman.
I have a promotion idea
that'll knock you out.
94
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,652
If you buy it,
I want a little favor.
95
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,691
All right,
let's try it on for size.
96
00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:05,855
How'd you like a terrific
buildup before the show...
97
00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:08,865
that'll have every TV set
tuned in to you next Sunday?
98
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,828
We will have. After all, we've got
the Moscow Ballet and Birdie.
99
00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:14,079
This is bigger.
Bigger.
100
00:08:14,162 --> 00:08:18,122
Before Conrad Birdie goes into
the army, he bestows a farewell
kiss on all the swooning girls...
101
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:21,037
who worship him
on your TV show.
102
00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:24,547
After all, it's only
an hour show and Birdie
only gets four minutes.
103
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,300
He kisses them all
symbolically.
104
00:08:27,425 --> 00:08:29,255
What'd you say?
Symbolically.
105
00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:32,845
Actually, he'll
only kiss one girl.
He kisses only one girl?
106
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,600
Can't you see it? Birdie,
their idol, their leader,
107
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,943
kissing one fabulously
lucky teenage tessie?
108
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,610
Yeah!
It'll melt every bobby pin
in America.
109
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:44,068
It's gigantic! The newspapers'll eat it up.
Think of the advance publicity.
110
00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:48,572
Rosie, get Birdie's fan club file
right away, and get us a girl from Ohio.
Gotcha.
111
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:51,204
Bob, we'll do it from the stage
of the outdoor theater,
112
00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:53,624
Columbus, Ohio,
right after the Ballet.
I'll get the girl.
113
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:56,201
The network will handle
all the physical details.
114
00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:59,367
And after the kiss,
Birdie sings a big song.
115
00:08:59,457 --> 00:09:01,997
And that's where
Rosie gets her payoff.
116
00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:04,246
I don't get it.
The song is
"One Last Kiss."
117
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,758
Never heard of it.
Hasn't been written yet.
118
00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,219
And who is going
to write this classic?
119
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:12,050
Who else,
but my future husband,
Mr. Albert F. Peterson?
120
00:09:12,178 --> 00:09:15,428
Who else?
Birdie's been wanting to give
Albert a break for six years.
121
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,734
I know he'll use the song
if you say so.
122
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,388
Okay, in a spot like this,
any song will do,
123
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:23,228
even though it's written
by your ever-loving Albert.
124
00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:27,404
- Thank you, Mr. Sullivan.
- With a plug like this, that
song'll sell a million records.
125
00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:29,395
Man, what royalties!
126
00:09:29,487 --> 00:09:31,357
Well, we can sure
use the money.
127
00:09:31,489 --> 00:09:35,079
Any day now, Albert and I will
have another mouth to feed.
[Sullivan] Rosie.
128
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:38,499
- You're not even married yet.
- His mother.
129
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,499
Oh?
Bye.
130
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,921
Carmine, get me the publishing
department right away!
131
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,630
This batch'll do.
Get 'em ready for mailing
right away.
132
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,512
Hi, Marge.
Hi.
133
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:51,721
I need one of your fans
from Ohio.
You can have 'em all.
134
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,262
Try file number six.
Okay.
135
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:58,515
Uh, six‒ Here we go.
I'm about to make some
ga-ga little goof a queen.
136
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,519
Ohhh.
137
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,979
Hey, cute.
138
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:10,704
Long distance. I want, uh...
Miss Kim McAfee, Sweet Apple
135, Sweet Apple, Ohio.
139
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:14,238
Oh, Marge, it's amazing
what a woman has to do
to get a man to marry her.
140
00:10:14,365 --> 00:10:17,115
You mean you doped
Albert's mother?
[ Laughs ] No.
141
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,791
But if this doesn't work,
that's my next move.
142
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:22,960
What, operator?
The line's busy.
Well, um, uh, never mind.
143
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,880
I'll try later.
Thank you.
144
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,920
Oh, Marge, right now, there's
a kid named Kim McAfee...
145
00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:31,795
in Sweet Apple, Ohio,
gabbing on the telephone,
146
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:36,222
but little does she realize
I'm about to make her immortal.
[ Chuckles]
147
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,098
[ Girl ]
Hello?
Hello, Urse? This is Kim.
148
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:46,855
And if I don't tell somebody,
I'm just gonna burst.
149
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:50,319
So, Ursula, you are
the very first to know.
150
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:53,451
I just got pinned
by Hugo Peabody.
151
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:57,949
Oh, no!
Kim McAfee, you didn't!
You really got pinned?
152
00:10:58,034 --> 00:11:02,084
You mean you and Hugo have
a permanent understanding?
153
00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:06,133
Uh-huh. Oh, it's Hugo
and I... forever.
154
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,798
Crazy, crazy!
Tell me, Kim.
155
00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:14,839
How do you absolutely feel...
in your deepest, secret soul?
156
00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:20,135
It's like‒
It's like I've been reborn.
157
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:24,812
It's like all my life
until this very moment,
I was nothing.
158
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:27,765
It's like‒
Kim, I must use the phone.
I've got to call Grandma.
159
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,855
In a second, Mom.
Hey, listen, Ursula,
I'm gonna have to get off.
160
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:33,443
Where was I?
You were nothing.
161
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:37,367
Oh, yeah.
And now I'm alive.
162
00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:39,408
Fulfilled.
163
00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:42,372
Now I know what it means
to be a woman.
164
00:11:42,453 --> 00:11:44,543
It should
only happen to me.
165
00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:47,382
Kim, where did
he pin you?
166
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:51,338
On the back seat.
Oh, bless that lovely
yellow school bus.
167
00:11:51,462 --> 00:11:55,382
Kim, hurry, please.
Yeah, hang up, Kim,
so I can spread the word.
168
00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:57,426
Okay, bye, Urse.
169
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,397
[Phone Ringing]
170
00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:14,737
[ Ursula ]
♪ Hi, Nancy ♪
♪ Hi, Ursula ♪
171
00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:16,739
♪ What's the story
morning glory ♪
172
00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:18,741
♪ What's the tale
nightingale ♪
173
00:12:18,823 --> 00:12:21,913
- ♪ Did you hear about Hugo and Kim ♪
- ♪ Hi, Margie ♪
174
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,962
♪ Hi, Alice
What's the story
morning glory ♪
175
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:30,038
♪ What's the word, hummingbird
Have you heard about
Hugo and Kim ♪
176
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:33,706
[All Girls ]
♪ Did they really get pinned
Did she kiss him and cry ♪
177
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:36,876
♪ Did he pin the pin on
Or was he too shy ♪
178
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,257
♪ Well, I heard
they got pinned ♪
[ Boys] ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
179
00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:41,255
♪ I was hopin' they would ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
180
00:12:41,387 --> 00:12:43,967
♪ Now they're livin' at last
Goin' steady for good ♪
♪ He's gone ♪
181
00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:47,556
♪ Hello, Mr. Henkel
This is Harvey Johnson ♪
182
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:50,863
[Voice Cracking ]
♪ Can I talk to Penelope Ann ♪
183
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,860
♪ Is it true about Kim ♪
♪ Penelope ♪
184
00:12:52,982 --> 00:12:54,862
♪ I just knew it somehow ♪
♪ About the prom ♪
185
00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:57,704
♪ I must call her right up
I can't talk to you now ♪
♪ Saturday ♪
186
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,953
♪ Goin' steady ♪
[ Boys ]
♪ You know it, man ♪
187
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:03,954
♪ Goin' steady ♪
♪ It's crazy, man ♪
188
00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:05,786
♪ Goin' steady ♪
♪ You know it ♪
189
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:09,170
- ♪ It won't last ♪
- ♪ Not at all ♪
190
00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:12,208
- ♪ He's too thin ♪
- ♪ She's too tall ♪
191
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:15,883
♪ Hello, Mrs. Miller
This is Harvey Johnson ♪
192
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:20,183
[Voice Cracking ]
♪ Can I speak to Debra Sue ♪
193
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,889
♪ Hiya, Hugo
Hiya, stupid ♪
194
00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:29,555
♪ What'd ya wanna
go get pinned for ♪
♪ You don't know how to live ♪
195
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,563
♪ You meathead ♪
♪ You'd get pinned
if you could ♪
196
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,555
♪ Lost your marbles ♪
♪ Kim and I are in love ♪
197
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,527
- ♪ Are you nutty ♪
- ♪ Goin' steady for‒ ♪
- ♪ Hello, Mrs. Garfein ♪
198
00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:38,489
♪ Is Charity home
from school yet ♪
199
00:13:38,611 --> 00:13:41,201
♪ Did they really get pinned
Goin' steady ♪
♪ He's gone ♪
200
00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,282
♪ I was hopin' they would
Goin' steady ♪
♪ He's gone ♪
201
00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,827
♪ They're livin' at last
Goin' steady for good ♪
♪ She nailed him ♪
202
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:49,000
♪ If ya gotta go
That's the way to go ♪
203
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:52,711
♪ When they got you hooked
Then you're really cooked ♪
♪ Ooo-ooo ♪
204
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:55,461
♪ Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do ♪
♪ Ooo-ooo ♪
205
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:57,546
♪ Well, I heard
they got pinned ♪
♪ Oh, man ♪
206
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,551
♪ I was thinkin' they would ♪
♪ Oh, man ♪
207
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,223
♪ Now they're livin' at last
Goin' steady for good ♪
♪ Oh, man ♪
208
00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:05,803
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady
goin' steady for good ♪
♪ Ooo, ooo, ooo ♪
209
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:09,270
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady
goin' steady for good♪
♪ Ooo, ooo, ooo ♪
210
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:12,520
♪ He's in love with Kim
Kim's in love with him ♪
211
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:16,693
♪ Well, well, do tell ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Goin' steady for good ♪
212
00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:20,784
♪ Well, well, do tell ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Goin' steady for good ♪
213
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,613
♪ That's the way it should be
They'll be happy, I know ♪
♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪
214
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:27,159
♪ Goin' steady for me
That's the way it should go ♪
♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪
215
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:30,544
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Steady for good ♪
216
00:14:30,663 --> 00:14:34,003
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Steady for good ♪
217
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:37,214
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Steady for ♪
218
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,214
♪ Goin' steady ♪
219
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:43,546
♪ Oooh... yeah ♪♪
220
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,886
[ Cooing ]
221
00:14:50,975 --> 00:14:53,305
Poor Pidge.
222
00:14:53,394 --> 00:14:55,314
He'll starve.
223
00:14:57,523 --> 00:15:00,733
Here, Pidge.
Here, Pidgie.
Here, boy.
224
00:15:00,818 --> 00:15:03,898
[ Humming, Gasps]
225
00:15:03,988 --> 00:15:06,738
- Albert!
- Here, Pidgie.
226
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:10,204
Albert, no, no!
Don't jump! Don't jump!
227
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:13,247
Albert, it's all right.
Everything's all right.
Rose. Rose.
228
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,420
Come on back.
Don't worry about‒
229
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,749
Come on.
Ooh, Albert.
230
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:21,165
Oh. Oh.
Oh, thank heavens
I got here in time.
231
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:23,335
You almost pushed me out.
232
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,385
It's all right. I just came
from Ed Sullivan's office.
Sullivan!
233
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,390
Yes.
Go to work for Ed Sullivan.
234
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:31,432
Leap from the sinking ship
while the house is on fire.
No‒
235
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:34,055
But hear this, Miss De Leon.
I was loyal.
236
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:37,313
All the years I've employed you,
I never looked for a job
behind your back.
237
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:41,228
I went to Sullivan's office‒
Don't explain.
You owe me nothing.
238
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:44,398
Even though you
were molded by me.
Molded.
239
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,486
Yeah, like, like that
Eliza Doolittle got moldy
from Pygmalion.
240
00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:50,445
I was molded?
Where were you when
I found you anyway?
241
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:55,254
Hostess at La Casa Enchilada
Taco and Tamale Shop.
242
00:15:55,331 --> 00:16:00,041
Well‒ Well, sorry
I interrupted you!
243
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,837
A man of my ilk
does not commit suicide.
244
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:06,591
I've had just about enough
of your kind of ilks too.
245
00:16:08,636 --> 00:16:13,386
Suicide is for cowards.
I don't desert the woman I love.
246
00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:21,609
Oh, Albert, I'm‒
I'm... sorry.
247
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,320
[ Sighs]
I should have known.
248
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:27,533
Mama would never
get over it.
Mama?
249
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,906
Mam‒
[ Stammers, Sighs]
250
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:36,827
What's the matter?
I'm the prize dope
of all time.
251
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:40,214
Thinkin' I could pry you
away from your Mama's
ever-lovin' tentacles.
252
00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:44,802
Rosie, I will thank you to leave
my mother out of this. Maybe
she does influence me, slightly.
253
00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:47,682
Slightly? Ha!
She is old and frail.
254
00:16:47,758 --> 00:16:51,138
Which I will be, too, at this rate.
Oh, I don't blame you, Albert.
255
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,350
I was living in fantasy,
telling myself you were serious.
256
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,522
Oh, Rosie, I was.
257
00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:01,562
I am... in here.
258
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:05,857
Oh, I've thought about
marrying you every day,
259
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:08,033
a lot of nights too.
260
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:11,872
I've spent six years
on Project Albert.
261
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:15,789
Well, now,
I haven't got the right.
262
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:19,916
I can't offer
you security.
263
00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,799
A wonderful girl
like you,
264
00:17:27,131 --> 00:17:31,551
you deserve more
from a husband than just
personality and good looks.
265
00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:41,265
But I'll always love you, Rosie.
266
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:49,698
You'd better always
love me, you nut,
267
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,823
because you're stuck
with me.
268
00:17:55,576 --> 00:18:00,326
Now, you've always worried
about repaying your mother,
right?
269
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:03,504
Well, from now on,
she'll be set for life.
270
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:07,804
She can sit around on her big,
fat trust fund and you and I
will have our own little house‒
271
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,180
No! I don't care what Sullivan
pays you, no woman is supporting
Albert Peterson.
272
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,470
Oh, you're not
listening, darling.
I am not a gigolo.
273
00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:18,813
Will you get to that piano
and start composing?
274
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:22,812
Mary, I want Kim McAfee, Sweet
Apple 135, Sweet Apple, Ohio.
I'm through composing.
275
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:24,935
I was always through,
but now I know it.
276
00:18:25,022 --> 00:18:28,072
Yeah, that's right.
You're a biochemist, but this
is one song you can sell.
277
00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:30,112
Huh?
Okay, call me back.
278
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,905
As I was saying, huh?
Gee, you're slow today.
279
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,198
Now, you are going to write
a song called "One Last Kiss."
280
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,953
Is this Albert's floor
or is it the one below?
281
00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:42,996
"One Last Kiss."
Now.
282
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,497
♪♪
♪ Oh, one last kiss ♪
283
00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:48,384
♪ There never was
such bliss ♪
284
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:50,882
♪ I love your dentifrice ♪♪
285
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:53,836
Uh, oh, a little
too clinical.
Yeah, you're right.
286
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:57,006
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
Albert!
287
00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,425
Mama? She's never been
to the office since
she discovered canasta.
288
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:04,056
Well, now's a perfect time
for you to tell her
about dissolving Almaelou‒
289
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:06,314
Yeah.
290
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,476
And about us.
Yeah.
291
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:11,185
Albert!
292
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:14,526
Sonny! Ohh!
293
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:16,743
Mama!
Baby!
294
00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:20,494
What a nice surprise.
And you're just in time
for some wonderful news.
295
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,827
- Oh!
- What's the matter?
296
00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:26,205
It's nothing, son.
I just fainted in the subway.
Mama!
297
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,421
But I didn't fall down.
It was too crowded.
298
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:31,594
I keep tellin' ya,
take a taxi.
Taxis?
299
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:34,682
Taxis are for
my successful son.
300
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:37,718
A dirty, crowded subway
is good enough for a mother.
301
00:19:37,803 --> 00:19:40,313
Mothers are nothin'
nowadays.
302
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:44,480
Who's that?
Mama, you know Rose De Leon.
And guess what?
303
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:49,230
This is that pretty
Rose De Leon?
304
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,484
Oh, I don't believe it.
305
00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:55,648
Rose, what happened
to you?
306
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:58,527
Ya had a fatal sickness
or somethin'?
307
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:01,325
It's nice
to see you again.
308
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:04,411
[Typing ]
Always on the job.
She's a credit to the firm.
309
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,916
Look at her, son.
310
00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:10,379
I wonder some older man
hasn't snatched her away.
311
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:14,260
- Personable matron.
- Mama, speaking of marriage‒
312
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:18,889
Wonderful institution.
Your poor father and I,
that was a marriage.
313
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,389
May he rest in peace.
314
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:25,811
Don't worry, Lou.
Our only child
is taking care of me.
315
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:29,563
He'd never do anything
to break my heart.
What about marriage?
316
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:32,688
Well, if it was good enough
for you and Papa, it's‒
In time.
317
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:36,494
You're just a baby.
318
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:40,031
[Phone Ringing]
319
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:43,405
Hello?
Yes, operator,
I'll hold on.
320
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:46,873
I'm thinking
of dissolving Almaelou.
321
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:49,625
Wait, Lou. I'm comin'.
I'll be right up there.
322
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:51,878
We can play canasta again.
323
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:55,462
Mama. Mama, forget it.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
324
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:59,217
Good-bye, sonny.
Take care of yourself.
Think of me on Mother's Day.
325
00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:01,223
Good-bye, Rosie.
Good-bye, Mae.
326
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:04,973
Call me Mrs. Peterson.
Wear your rubbers.
327
00:21:05,057 --> 00:21:07,597
That's right, operator.
Miss Kim McAfee.
328
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:10,194
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
329
00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:17,437
I'll tell her, Rosie,
tonight.
330
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,447
It's entirely up to you, Albert.
The line is still busy?
331
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:23,330
Yes, Hugo. Mm-hmm.
332
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:26,948
Well, of course I'll always
wear it, on everything.
333
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:31,207
Oh, except my gym blouse.
Miss Turgnisht won't allow it.
334
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:36,841
Tonight? Well, I have
no plans. I think I can
get out till about ten.
335
00:21:36,922 --> 00:21:39,972
Oh, you have to
be in by nine.
336
00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:42,300
Well, c'est la vie.
337
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:44,886
Until tonight then,
mon amour.
338
00:21:44,972 --> 00:21:46,892
Bye.
339
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:58,651
♪ When you're
a skinny child of 15 ♪
340
00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:02,195
♪ Wired with braces
from ear to ear ♪
341
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:07,450
♪ You doubt that you
will ever be appealing ♪
342
00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:14,379
♪ Then hallelujah
You are 16 and
the braces disappear ♪
343
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,999
♪ And your skin
is smooth and clear ♪
344
00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:21,167
♪ And you have
that happy grown-up ♪
345
00:22:21,258 --> 00:22:24,468
♪ Female feeling ♪
346
00:22:31,852 --> 00:22:34,982
♪ How lovely to be
a woman ♪
347
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:38,153
♪ The wait was
well worthwhile ♪
348
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:41,533
♪ How lovely
to wear mascara ♪
349
00:22:41,611 --> 00:22:44,741
♪ And smile
a woman's smile ♪
350
00:22:44,823 --> 00:22:48,123
♪ How lovely
to have a figure ♪
351
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,201
♪ That's round
instead of flat ♪
352
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:54,708
♪ Whenever you hear
boys whistle ♪
353
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,341
♪ You're what
they're whistling at ♪
354
00:22:57,419 --> 00:23:00,299
♪ It's wonderful to feel ♪
355
00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:03,880
♪ The way a woman feels ♪
356
00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:06,047
♪ It gives you
such a glow ♪
357
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:10,426
♪ Just to know you're wearing
lipstick and heels ♪
358
00:23:11,475 --> 00:23:14,555
♪ How lovely
to be a woman ♪
359
00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:17,734
♪ And have one job to do ♪
360
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:21,074
♪ To pick out a boy
and train him ♪
361
00:23:21,151 --> 00:23:24,321
♪ And then when
you are through ♪
362
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:27,574
♪ You've made him the man
you want him ♪
363
00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:30,577
♪ To be ♪
364
00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:34,160
♪ How lovely
to be a woman ♪
365
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:36,707
♪ Like me ♪
366
00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:40,002
♪ How wonderful to know ♪
367
00:23:40,087 --> 00:23:43,257
♪ The things a woman knows ♪
368
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:47,140
♪ How marvelous to wait
for a date ♪
369
00:23:47,219 --> 00:23:50,389
♪ In simply beautiful clothes ♪
370
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:53,892
♪ How lovely
to be a woman ♪
371
00:23:53,975 --> 00:23:57,015
♪ And change
from boys to men ♪
372
00:23:57,104 --> 00:24:00,324
♪ To go to
a fancy nightclub ♪
373
00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:03,738
♪ And stay out
after ten ♪
374
00:24:03,819 --> 00:24:06,949
♪ How lovely to be
so grown-up ♪
375
00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:09,870
♪ And free ♪
376
00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:13,833
[Zipper Zips]
377
00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:19,082
♪ Life's lovely
when you're a woman ♪
378
00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:25,008
♪ Like me ♪♪
379
00:24:37,769 --> 00:24:40,109
[Phone Ringing]
380
00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:44,278
[ Woman]
Hello? Oh. Oh,
hold on, operator.
381
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:47,571
Oh, Kim, it's for you.
She says it's long distance.
Thank you, Doris.
382
00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:50,534
Who could be calling‒
Did you say "Doris"?
383
00:24:50,615 --> 00:24:54,575
It's the modern way, dear.
It makes mother and daughter
more like friends.
384
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:58,461
Harry, I think you took
the news about Hugo and I
awfully well. Hello?
385
00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:00,672
She called you "Harry."
Yeah.
386
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:05,302
Yes, this is Miss Kim McAfee.
Yesterday I was a mother.
Today I'm a friend.
387
00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:10,222
Yes, I'll hold on.
Maybe you could call me "Mom"?
That's modern.
388
00:25:10,302 --> 00:25:12,972
[ Groans ]
Times are changing.
389
00:25:13,054 --> 00:25:16,604
You go along or else
you're out of it.
390
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,893
Harry, do you
have a cigarette?
I've run out.
391
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,187
So have I.
How 'bout my pipe?
392
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:23,191
[ Coughs]
Hello?
Hello?
393
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:26,363
Kim McAfee, I have
a great surprise.
Harry. Kids.
394
00:25:26,443 --> 00:25:29,863
You have been selected
from all the teenagers
in the United States...
395
00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:34,026
to be kissed by Conrad Birdie
on The Ed Sullivan Show
this Sunday night.
396
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:36,237
We'll be in touch.
Good-bye.
[ Receiver Clicks ]
397
00:25:36,328 --> 00:25:39,708
Conrad Birdie?
398
00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:43,249
[Slams Receiver]
To kiss me?
399
00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:46,875
Ohhh. Doris!
400
00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:53,087
Mother?
Mommy! Mommy!
401
00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:56,470
Baby, what happened?
Mommy, Conrad Birdie's
coming here to kiss me!
402
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,478
Oh, isn't that nice.
Sit down.
But you don't understand.
403
00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:02,941
Conrad Birdie's coming
to Sweet Apple to kiss me!
Oh, baby.
404
00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:05,151
Oh, Mommy!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
405
00:26:05,232 --> 00:26:09,072
Well, I never thought I'd say it,
but God bless Conrad Birdie.
406
00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:13,952
[ Screaming Hysterically]
Oh, Conrad Birdie! Oh!
407
00:26:14,032 --> 00:26:17,872
Conrad Birdie's coming here
to kiss me!
408
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:22,616
[Plane Roaring Overhead]
409
00:26:27,295 --> 00:26:30,965
Now, listen.
The absolute instant he appears,
410
00:26:31,049 --> 00:26:34,009
now, I'll introduce Kim
to him.
411
00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:38,314
And then we'll all recite
our Pledge Of Everlasting
Loyalty.
412
00:26:38,431 --> 00:26:42,391
The plane!
The plane's almost landed!
[ Screaming ]
413
00:26:43,728 --> 00:26:45,648
♪♪ [ Blowing Pitch Pipe ]
414
00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:49,360
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
415
00:26:49,442 --> 00:26:53,242
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
416
00:26:53,321 --> 00:26:56,741
♪ When you're not near us
We're blue ♪
417
00:26:56,825 --> 00:27:00,285
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪
418
00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:04,290
♪ We hate you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
419
00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:08,094
♪ We don't hate anyone
as much as you ♪
420
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:11,799
♪ You're singing
makes us say "p-u" ♪
421
00:27:11,881 --> 00:27:15,301
♪ Oh, Conrad
We hate you ♪
422
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:19,305
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
423
00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:22,849
♪ We don't hate anyone
as much as you ♪
424
00:27:22,934 --> 00:27:26,864
♪ When you're not near us
We're blue ♪
425
00:27:26,938 --> 00:27:30,108
- ♪ Oh, Conrad ♪
- ♪ Oh, Conrad ♪
426
00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:33,453
♪ We love you ♪♪
♪ We hate you ♪♪
427
00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:37,775
Hugo wants to talk
to Kim.
428
00:27:37,866 --> 00:27:40,906
Uh, that‒ that's if
it's okay with Kim.
429
00:27:41,036 --> 00:27:45,246
Certainly, Hugo.
Uh, well, Kim‒
430
00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:47,252
Yes?
431
00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:56,890
[ Crowd ]
Aw!
432
00:27:59,429 --> 00:28:01,559
Hugo, what do you want?
433
00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:07,483
Gee, Kim, the fellas
are making me do this,
434
00:28:07,562 --> 00:28:09,982
but just the same,
they're right.
435
00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:12,225
Kim, you can't go
through with this.
436
00:28:12,317 --> 00:28:14,357
Hugo, please be mature.
437
00:28:14,444 --> 00:28:17,364
Well, gee, doesn't
gettin' pinned mean
anything these days?
438
00:28:17,447 --> 00:28:21,867
Ohh. It means everything.
It's sacred.
439
00:28:21,951 --> 00:28:26,711
Well, then how can you
let another man kiss you?
A-And in public?
440
00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:30,041
I assure you,
I won't even feel it.
Huh?
441
00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:32,918
I'm just a symbol.
A symbol?
442
00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:38,342
Ah, don't you see?
This is bigger than us.
443
00:28:38,468 --> 00:28:42,308
Why, all this publicity
for Sweet Apple.
Yeah.
444
00:28:42,389 --> 00:28:44,809
Thousands of people
will move here.
445
00:28:44,891 --> 00:28:48,231
We'll have
a population explosion.
446
00:28:48,311 --> 00:28:53,191
And just think what
this'll do for your father's
undertaking business.
447
00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:58,905
Hey! Hey, yeah,
you're right.
Yeah.
448
00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:05,334
But you really don't go
for that Birdie creep.
Do ya?
449
00:29:06,830 --> 00:29:08,960
What do my eyes tell you?
450
00:29:17,340 --> 00:29:20,090
[ Sighs ]
No, you don't.
I can see you're all mine.
451
00:29:20,176 --> 00:29:22,676
Forever.
452
00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:25,352
Starting right after
The Ed Sullivan Show
on Sunday night.
453
00:29:26,850 --> 00:29:29,690
Right after
The Ed Sullivan Show
on Sunday night.
454
00:29:31,229 --> 00:29:33,649
- Hey, we'll be late!
- [ Girls Gasp ]
455
00:29:33,731 --> 00:29:38,531
One, two, three‒
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
456
00:29:38,611 --> 00:29:42,031
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
457
00:29:42,115 --> 00:29:45,945
- ♪ When you're not ne‒ ♪♪
- ♪ When you're not near us
we're blue ♪
458
00:29:46,077 --> 00:29:49,037
[ Clears Throat]
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you♪♪
459
00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:56,340
Well, uh, I told her off, guys.
She knows where I stand.
460
00:29:56,463 --> 00:30:00,133
But she's leaving.
Yeah, but that's only to make
the population explode.
461
00:30:00,216 --> 00:30:02,506
Anyone for the reception,
kids?
462
00:30:02,594 --> 00:30:05,564
Gee, Mr. Paisley,
we think you're okay, even
if you are the English teacher.
463
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:09,230
Well, it should be
a fascinating experience.
Yeah, but are you with them?
464
00:30:09,350 --> 00:30:13,020
With "them"?
Yeah, that Birdie creep.
He's poisoned our women.
465
00:30:13,104 --> 00:30:16,114
It's bad enough
the Mayor's a fink,
but you, Mr. Paisley.
466
00:30:16,191 --> 00:30:19,991
Well, you see, fellas,
as a teacher and a brand-new
American citizen...
467
00:30:20,069 --> 00:30:21,989
with an unquenchable
thirst for knowledge,
468
00:30:22,071 --> 00:30:26,161
I feel I should witness
this unique, sociological
phenomenon, hmm?
469
00:30:28,786 --> 00:30:31,576
Yeah, guys, suppose I‒
suppose I did let Kim kiss him.
470
00:30:31,664 --> 00:30:34,254
I only wanna see‒
[ Stammering ]
a, uh, um, unique‒
471
00:30:34,334 --> 00:30:38,134
a so‒ uh, soci‒
phenomenon.
472
00:30:39,339 --> 00:30:41,259
[Girls Screaming]
Hugo the fink!
473
00:30:42,550 --> 00:30:44,550
So long, fink!
Fink!
474
00:30:44,636 --> 00:30:47,596
[Boys Shouting]
Fink! What a fink!
475
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,600
[Girls Continue Screaming]
476
00:30:50,683 --> 00:30:52,943
♪♪ [Marching Band]
477
00:30:57,524 --> 00:31:01,994
Here are the gentlemen from the press.
I'll handle them. You go find the Mayor.
478
00:31:02,111 --> 00:31:06,741
We want him!
We want him!
[ Muffled ] Kim. Kim.
479
00:31:06,824 --> 00:31:09,834
[Whistles ]
Here's your speech.
Learn it, and hurry.
480
00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:12,961
We want him!
We want him!
481
00:31:13,039 --> 00:31:16,249
We want him!
We want him!
482
00:31:16,334 --> 00:31:18,804
[Photographer]
Look this way, please.
483
00:31:20,338 --> 00:31:22,548
[ Reporter]
What's your name?
Conrad Birdie.
484
00:31:22,632 --> 00:31:24,552
No, no, your name.
Oh.
485
00:31:24,634 --> 00:31:28,564
Um, um... McAfee.
Kim.
486
00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:30,558
Kim McAfee.
Oh.
487
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,140
She doesn't even
know her name.
488
00:31:33,226 --> 00:31:36,976
♪♪ [Marching Drums]
489
00:31:37,063 --> 00:31:40,073
[Girls]
We want him!
We want him!
490
00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:43,489
We want him!
We want him!
We want him. Eeew!
491
00:31:43,570 --> 00:31:46,320
We want him!
We want him!
492
00:31:46,406 --> 00:31:49,526
We want him!
We want him!
493
00:31:49,659 --> 00:31:53,079
I beg your pardon. May I add
a welcome from Sweet Apple.
Oh.
494
00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:55,962
I'm Claude Paisley.
Kim McAfee's my student
in English.
495
00:31:56,082 --> 00:31:59,542
Oh, how do you do?
I'm Rose De Leon.
Nice to know you.
496
00:31:59,627 --> 00:32:02,417
- Uh, and you're, uh‒
- Hugo.
497
00:32:03,798 --> 00:32:07,178
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I couldn't hear you.
- Hugo Fink.
498
00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:09,350
Oh, hello, Mr. Fink.
How are you?
499
00:32:09,429 --> 00:32:15,139
Please don't think me forward,
but if you should have any
spare time during your visit,
500
00:32:15,226 --> 00:32:18,436
I-I'd appreciate discussing
Mr. Birdie with you.
501
00:32:18,521 --> 00:32:20,651
Well, uh...
502
00:32:20,732 --> 00:32:23,282
I'm afraid
I'll be very busy.
503
00:32:23,359 --> 00:32:25,449
Uh, but thank you.
504
00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:28,488
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
505
00:32:29,616 --> 00:32:32,826
Ow! Watch it, rube,
don't bend the fur.
506
00:32:32,910 --> 00:32:34,830
He's coming!
507
00:32:34,912 --> 00:32:38,462
- Look, everybody, he's coming!
Here he comes!
- [Motorcycles Roaring]
508
00:32:45,506 --> 00:32:48,636
♪♪ [Marching Band]
509
00:32:48,718 --> 00:32:52,388
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
510
00:32:52,472 --> 00:32:56,352
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
511
00:32:56,434 --> 00:33:00,234
♪ When you're not near us
we're blue ♪
512
00:33:00,313 --> 00:33:04,983
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪
513
00:33:05,068 --> 00:33:08,988
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
514
00:33:09,072 --> 00:33:12,492
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
515
00:33:12,575 --> 00:33:16,995
♪ When you're not near us
we're blue ♪
516
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,130
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪♪
517
00:33:21,209 --> 00:33:24,129
[ Girls Cheering ]
518
00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:35,430
[Girls Screaming,
Gasping, Sighing]
519
00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:40,023
[Girls Sighing]
520
00:33:44,107 --> 00:33:49,027
Before you hear from the girl
upon whom you have chosen...
521
00:33:49,112 --> 00:33:53,072
to bestow your final kiss upon,
we will now recite
the Conrad Birdie pledge.
522
00:33:53,157 --> 00:33:55,117
[ Screaming ]
523
00:33:56,285 --> 00:34:00,035
I, being of sound mind
and body,
524
00:34:00,123 --> 00:34:02,133
do hereby promise...
525
00:34:02,208 --> 00:34:06,878
to be loyal, courteous,
steadfast and true...
526
00:34:06,963 --> 00:34:11,383
to Conrad Birdie and
the United States of America,
527
00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:13,387
both indivisible,
528
00:34:13,469 --> 00:34:16,259
with liberty
and justice for all.
529
00:34:16,347 --> 00:34:18,887
[ Cheering, Screaming ]
530
00:34:21,310 --> 00:34:24,900
As the fortunate girl
whom you have selected...
531
00:34:24,981 --> 00:34:27,901
to represent
all my fellow girls,
532
00:34:27,984 --> 00:34:31,074
I welcome you.
[ Screaming ]
533
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,000
[ Screaming Continues]
534
00:34:52,884 --> 00:34:55,264
[Screaming Stops]
Now, Mayor, now.
Oh.
535
00:34:55,344 --> 00:34:59,434
[Clears Throat]
And now I present
this key to our city,
536
00:34:59,515 --> 00:35:03,765
to our honored guest,
uh, Conrad Birdie.
537
00:35:03,853 --> 00:35:05,813
[ Hysterical Scream ]
538
00:35:05,897 --> 00:35:08,937
He said it!
He said the name!
539
00:35:09,025 --> 00:35:11,735
[ Screaming ]
540
00:35:11,819 --> 00:35:14,449
What happened?
All I said was "Conrad Birdie."
541
00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:17,280
[ Screaming ]
542
00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:21,656
Now, now, girls, you're gonna
have to stop that, or I‒
or I can't finish my speech.
543
00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:24,536
Who cares
about your speech?
544
00:35:24,624 --> 00:35:27,544
We wanna hear Conrad!
545
00:35:27,627 --> 00:35:30,837
[Girls Sighing]
546
00:35:32,465 --> 00:35:34,505
He's not so much.
547
00:35:36,969 --> 00:35:39,009
♪♪
548
00:35:39,096 --> 00:35:42,806
♪ You gotta be sincere ♪
549
00:35:42,892 --> 00:35:46,062
Ohhh.
Edna! What's wrong?
550
00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:47,605
♪ Ya gotta be sincere ♪
551
00:35:49,106 --> 00:35:52,026
Birdie! What are you doing?
552
00:35:52,109 --> 00:35:54,449
♪ Ya gotta feel it here ♪
553
00:35:54,529 --> 00:35:57,069
♪ 'Cause if you
feel it here ♪
554
00:35:57,156 --> 00:35:59,866
♪ Well, then you're gonna be ♪
555
00:35:59,951 --> 00:36:01,991
♪ Honestly ♪
556
00:36:02,078 --> 00:36:04,408
♪ Sincere ♪
557
00:36:05,706 --> 00:36:08,746
[ Gasping ]
558
00:36:08,835 --> 00:36:12,335
♪ If what you feel is true ♪
559
00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:16,681
♪ You really feel it
You make them feel it too ♪
560
00:36:16,759 --> 00:36:21,429
♪ Write this down now
You gotta be sincere ♪
561
00:36:21,514 --> 00:36:23,774
♪ Honestly sincere ♪
562
00:36:23,850 --> 00:36:26,640
♪ Man, you gotta be ♪
563
00:36:26,769 --> 00:36:32,399
[ Moans]
♪ Sincere ♪
564
00:36:32,483 --> 00:36:37,453
♪ If you're really sincere
If you're really sincere ♪
565
00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:41,200
♪ If you feel it in here
Then it's gotta be right ♪
566
00:36:41,284 --> 00:36:43,294
- [ Screaming ]
- ♪ Oh, baby
Oh, honey♪
567
00:36:44,328 --> 00:36:46,248
♪ Hug me ♪
568
00:36:46,372 --> 00:36:48,962
♪ Ah, suffer ♪
[Screaming]
569
00:36:52,545 --> 00:36:55,005
♪ In everything I do ♪
570
00:36:56,132 --> 00:36:59,592
♪ Why, my sincerity
shows through ♪
571
00:36:59,677 --> 00:37:02,887
♪ Yeah, I look you
in the eye ♪
572
00:37:02,972 --> 00:37:05,892
♪ I don't even have to try
It's automatic ♪
573
00:37:05,975 --> 00:37:08,635
♪ I'm sincere ♪
574
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,066
♪ When I sing
about a tree ♪
575
00:37:13,149 --> 00:37:17,609
♪ Listen, why I really
feel that tree ♪
576
00:37:17,695 --> 00:37:22,235
♪ Yeah, when I sing about a girl
I really feel that girl ♪
577
00:37:22,325 --> 00:37:24,905
♪ I mean I really feel ♪
578
00:37:24,994 --> 00:37:30,334
♪ Sincere ♪
[ Sighs]
579
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:33,246
♪ Why, if you're
really sincere ♪
580
00:37:33,336 --> 00:37:36,876
♪ If you're really sincere
If you feel it in here ♪
581
00:37:37,006 --> 00:37:40,086
♪ Then it's gotta be right
Oh, baby ♪
[ Screaming ]
582
00:37:40,176 --> 00:37:42,086
♪ Oh, honey ♪
583
00:37:42,178 --> 00:37:45,768
♪ Hug me
Ah, suffer ♪
584
00:37:46,682 --> 00:37:49,192
Yeah, here we go now!
585
00:37:49,268 --> 00:37:52,098
♪ Why, you gotta be sincere ♪
586
00:37:52,188 --> 00:37:56,438
♪ Oh, you gotta feel it here
Oh, my baby ♪
587
00:37:56,525 --> 00:38:00,815
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
588
00:38:00,905 --> 00:38:04,275
♪ Oh, my baby
Aw, yeah ♪
589
00:38:04,367 --> 00:38:06,237
♪ Go, girl, go ♪
590
00:38:06,369 --> 00:38:08,289
Angela! Angela!
What are you doing?
♪ Yeah ♪
591
00:38:08,371 --> 00:38:10,121
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
592
00:38:10,206 --> 00:38:12,326
[ Sighs]
♪ Are ya gonna be sincere ♪
593
00:38:12,416 --> 00:38:15,126
- ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere ♪
- Yeah!
594
00:38:15,211 --> 00:38:18,881
- ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere
Are ya gonna be sincere ♪
- Yeah!
595
00:38:18,965 --> 00:38:23,335
- ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere
Are you gonna be sincere ♪
- Yeah!
596
00:38:23,427 --> 00:38:26,137
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
597
00:38:26,222 --> 00:38:29,682
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
598
00:38:29,767 --> 00:38:32,647
♪ Are ya gonna be sincere
Are you gonna be sincere ♪
599
00:38:32,728 --> 00:38:35,938
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
600
00:38:36,023 --> 00:38:39,493
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
601
00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:43,160
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
[ Screaming ]
602
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,829
♪ Oh, my baby ♪
603
00:38:45,908 --> 00:38:48,118
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
604
00:38:48,202 --> 00:38:52,332
♪ Yeah
Yeah ♪
605
00:38:52,415 --> 00:38:54,375
♪ Yeah ♪♪
606
00:39:29,952 --> 00:39:33,832
[ Girls]
♪ We love you, Conrad ♪
607
00:39:33,914 --> 00:39:37,924
♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪
608
00:39:38,002 --> 00:39:41,882
♪ We love you, Conrad ♪
609
00:39:41,964 --> 00:39:46,224
♪ And we'll be true ♪
610
00:39:46,302 --> 00:39:50,512
♪ When you're not near us ♪
611
00:39:50,598 --> 00:39:54,478
♪ We're blue ♪
612
00:39:54,602 --> 00:39:57,772
♪ Oh, Conrad♪
[ Whistling ]
613
00:39:57,855 --> 00:40:00,935
♪ We love you ♪
614
00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:05,065
Randolph, your father's warned you.
If you make another bomb,
you'll get spanked.
615
00:40:05,154 --> 00:40:08,954
- It was an accident, Mom.
- Oh! Now, get this stuff out of here.
616
00:40:09,033 --> 00:40:10,913
Oh.
[ Sighs]
617
00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:13,543
♪ We love you, Conrad♪
618
00:40:13,662 --> 00:40:15,622
[ Horn Honking ]
Doris. Doris!
619
00:40:15,706 --> 00:40:18,416
♪ And we'll be true ♪
620
00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:21,922
♪ When you're not near us♪♪
Doris, what's
going on here?
621
00:40:22,004 --> 00:40:24,384
Harry, where have you been
since supper?
622
00:40:24,465 --> 00:40:26,675
In plenty of trouble,
but I'm not now.
623
00:40:26,759 --> 00:40:28,929
You kids, go home before I sic
the constable on you!
624
00:40:29,011 --> 00:40:32,101
Go on! Get that carnival
off my front lawn!
625
00:40:32,181 --> 00:40:34,231
I'll show 'em
who's boss here!
626
00:40:34,308 --> 00:40:36,888
Harry McAfee's
not gonna be pushed around
by any roll and rocker.
627
00:40:37,019 --> 00:40:40,479
Harry, they'll hear you.
Ah, let 'em hear me.
628
00:40:40,606 --> 00:40:44,356
Randolph, put those chemicals
away and go to bed!
Yes, Papa.
629
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,950
We're in trouble.
He can't stand Conrad
living here.
630
00:40:52,743 --> 00:40:55,703
Especially around
his pretty young daughter.
631
00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:02,843
[Whispering ]
She's still under
the magic spell.
632
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,840
[ Sighing ]
633
00:41:04,922 --> 00:41:09,392
Dear little Conrad certainly
has a devastating impact.
634
00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:11,548
He might make
a terrific soldier.
635
00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:14,347
Turn him loose
and the enemy'll
twitch itself to death.
636
00:41:14,431 --> 00:41:16,981
I don't care.
I've changed my mind.
637
00:41:17,059 --> 00:41:21,109
My daughter is not gonna be
publicly kissed by that‒
that wiggler.
638
00:41:21,230 --> 00:41:25,280
The deal is off.
But, dear, you know
these adolescents. Kim'll lose face.
639
00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:30,069
And if I don't get rid
of that Birdie,
that's not all she'll‒
640
00:41:30,156 --> 00:41:32,656
Now, hear this.
I have decided...
641
00:41:32,741 --> 00:41:35,291
that bunch of grafters
is getting outta here!
642
00:41:35,369 --> 00:41:39,369
That is the unshakable decree
that I have made as
head of this household!
643
00:41:39,498 --> 00:41:44,248
So you go upstairs and tell 'em.
How can I tell Mr. Peterson
and that nice Miss De Leon‒
644
00:41:44,336 --> 00:41:48,796
Nice? Ha-ha!
I know that show business crowd.
Probably livin' in sin.
645
00:41:48,883 --> 00:41:51,143
Harry Lionel McAfee!
646
00:41:51,218 --> 00:41:55,308
I never told you. One summer
I worked with the circus.
Oh, those midgets, wild.
647
00:41:55,431 --> 00:41:59,191
Not another word.
She's been engaged to Peterson
for six years. Don't tell me‒
648
00:41:59,310 --> 00:42:03,270
We were engaged for five years.
He's not as stupid
as I was.
649
00:42:03,397 --> 00:42:07,737
Are you stupid, Pop?
Find out for yourself!
That's the trouble with kids: lazy!
650
00:42:07,818 --> 00:42:11,318
Will you go up?
Get up to bed!
651
00:42:11,405 --> 00:42:15,365
Oh, Harry, they'll be gone
day after tomorrow.
652
00:42:15,451 --> 00:42:17,541
I'm a peace-loving man.
653
00:42:17,620 --> 00:42:19,750
A good father and husband.
654
00:42:19,830 --> 00:42:23,210
And the result,
the home that I hewed out
of this wilderness...
655
00:42:23,292 --> 00:42:25,962
with my bare hands
is no longer mine.
656
00:42:26,045 --> 00:42:29,295
Tonight, I had to wait
until 6:00 for my supper.
657
00:42:29,381 --> 00:42:33,141
And that Peterson grafter,
running up my phone bill
with long distance calls!
658
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:37,350
He offered to reimburse you.
I don't take
Diner's Club cards!
659
00:42:37,431 --> 00:42:41,391
And then that snake
in a gold suit insists
on parking in‒
660
00:42:41,477 --> 00:42:45,187
in my beautiful
living room!
Yech!
661
00:42:45,314 --> 00:42:47,234
You know where
I've just been?
Where?
662
00:42:47,316 --> 00:42:51,566
To a meeting with the big boys.
Kelsey, Judge Blanch,
Joe Kipp, my biggest customers.
663
00:42:51,654 --> 00:42:54,324
They don't approve of this
kind of notorious goings-on.
664
00:42:54,406 --> 00:42:56,276
Darling, they put pressure
on you?
665
00:42:56,367 --> 00:42:59,657
If I don't cancel
this whole Birdie deal,
666
00:42:59,787 --> 00:43:02,787
they'll starve me
right out of business.
Oh, my heavens!
667
00:43:02,873 --> 00:43:05,713
It's, it's, it's them or, or us.
668
00:43:05,834 --> 00:43:08,924
[ Pops, Whistles]
[ Gasps]
669
00:43:10,506 --> 00:43:12,376
[Whining ]
670
00:43:12,508 --> 00:43:15,218
What happened?
Are you all right?
671
00:43:15,344 --> 00:43:17,264
What's wrong?
Just some of
Randolph's chemicals.
672
00:43:17,388 --> 00:43:21,978
Eww.
A mixture of Iron Sulfide,
plus two parts H2SO4.
673
00:43:22,059 --> 00:43:24,849
Smart boy you have there.
It isn't every lad
who can make a stench bomb.
674
00:43:24,979 --> 00:43:28,479
Which brings me to Mr. Birdie.
Mr. Peterson is really
a biochemist.
675
00:43:28,607 --> 00:43:30,897
I couldn't care less.
Yes, I am.
I have one formula...
676
00:43:30,985 --> 00:43:34,565
which is miraculous in
its ability to increase the work
output of domestic animals.
677
00:43:34,655 --> 00:43:36,565
About this Birdie‒
678
00:43:36,657 --> 00:43:39,327
It speeds up the reflexes
so that an ox could outrun
a racehorse.
679
00:43:39,410 --> 00:43:42,750
By adding in his formula,
a hen will lay three eggs a day.
680
00:43:42,830 --> 00:43:45,500
Three eggs a day? If that's so,
you can make a million‒
681
00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:49,132
I've been nursing this compound for a year.
Still needs more tests, but it works.
682
00:43:49,253 --> 00:43:52,343
Uh, aren't you in farming?
He's McAfee Fertilizer.
683
00:43:52,464 --> 00:43:54,384
Oh, yes.
Been in it for 20 years.
684
00:43:54,508 --> 00:43:56,588
Really?
But I may be out if‒
685
00:43:56,677 --> 00:44:00,637
If you and Albert got together,
you could revolutionize
farm production.
686
00:44:00,764 --> 00:44:03,814
Would you like a demonstration?
Do you have a hen?
No.
687
00:44:03,892 --> 00:44:06,812
- Uh, how about trying it on that?
- A tortoise. I don't know.
688
00:44:06,895 --> 00:44:10,395
Sure. It won't bite.
Here, let me.
689
00:44:13,277 --> 00:44:17,907
Of course, there isn't
much demand for turtle eggs,
but, uh...
690
00:44:17,990 --> 00:44:22,160
if it really works
on farm animals, maybe you
and me could do some business.
691
00:44:22,244 --> 00:44:24,834
[ Gulps]
692
00:44:24,913 --> 00:44:28,503
I'll sure need something
if I let Kim go through
with this Birdie stuff.
693
00:44:28,584 --> 00:44:30,844
Some of Harry's customers
are against it.
694
00:44:30,961 --> 00:44:34,921
Yeah, so I've decided it's
absolutely out of the question.
Your neighbors are going...
695
00:44:35,007 --> 00:44:40,007
to be thrilled
when they see the two of you
on The Ed Sullivan Show.
696
00:44:40,095 --> 00:44:42,385
The Ed‒
The Ed Sullivan Show.
697
00:44:42,514 --> 00:44:46,394
Uh, yes, we, uh‒ we were
saving that as a surprise.
Yes, a surprise.
698
00:44:46,518 --> 00:44:50,858
Me, me on Ed Sullivan?
Oh, I'd die.
What would I wear?
699
00:44:50,981 --> 00:44:52,821
Oh, we'll find something.
Gee, Ed Sullivan.
700
00:44:52,900 --> 00:44:57,650
He's my favorite human.
That's why I decided to let
Kim go on in the first place.
701
00:44:57,738 --> 00:45:01,238
Me on The Ed Sullivan Show?
702
00:45:01,325 --> 00:45:03,575
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
703
00:45:05,496 --> 00:45:08,036
Me, Harry McAfee,
appearing with‒
704
00:45:08,123 --> 00:45:11,213
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
705
00:45:11,293 --> 00:45:16,473
♪ Ed
Ed Sullivan ♪
706
00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:18,588
♪ Ed ♪
707
00:45:18,675 --> 00:45:23,715
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
708
00:45:23,847 --> 00:45:26,677
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
709
00:45:26,809 --> 00:45:29,059
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
710
00:45:29,144 --> 00:45:31,564
♪ Ed
Ed ♪
711
00:45:31,647 --> 00:45:34,567
♪ Sull
Sull ♪
712
00:45:34,650 --> 00:45:37,150
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
713
00:45:37,236 --> 00:45:39,356
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
714
00:45:39,446 --> 00:45:43,906
♪ We're gonna be on
Ed Sullivan ♪
715
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:50,290
♪ How could any family be ♪
716
00:45:50,374 --> 00:45:55,504
♪ Half as fortunate as we ♪
717
00:45:55,587 --> 00:45:58,297
♪ We'll be coast-to-coast ♪
718
00:45:58,382 --> 00:46:02,182
♪ With our favorite host ♪
719
00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:08,601
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
720
00:46:09,977 --> 00:46:12,767
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
721
00:46:12,855 --> 00:46:15,265
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
722
00:46:15,357 --> 00:46:19,947
♪ We're gonna be on
Ed Sullivan ♪
723
00:46:21,363 --> 00:46:24,913
♪ Ooo-oooh ♪
724
00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:29,083
I've got a wonderful wife.
Two swell kids.
♪ Ooo-ooh ♪
725
00:46:29,163 --> 00:46:32,623
A good business.
And now this.
[ Laughing ]
726
00:46:32,708 --> 00:46:35,628
♪ Someday we'll recall ♪
727
00:46:35,711 --> 00:46:39,671
♪ The greatest day of all ♪
728
00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:41,676
Ed, I love you.
729
00:46:41,758 --> 00:46:51,348
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪♪
730
00:46:51,435 --> 00:46:55,055
[Phone Ringing]
731
00:46:55,147 --> 00:46:59,187
[ Ringing ]
732
00:46:59,276 --> 00:47:02,696
Hello?
Oh, yes.
733
00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:06,239
Harry,
it's the Mayor.
He sounds mad.
734
00:47:06,325 --> 00:47:08,235
I'll handle this.
735
00:47:09,828 --> 00:47:11,998
Yes? Yes, Mayor.
736
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:16,500
Yes, the boys talked to me.
Yep, I've decided.
737
00:47:16,585 --> 00:47:18,875
Birdie stays right here.
738
00:47:18,962 --> 00:47:20,882
And Kim's on TV.
739
00:47:20,964 --> 00:47:24,764
And what's more,
I'm gonna be
on the show too.
740
00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:26,723
With Eddie Sullivan.
741
00:47:26,803 --> 00:47:31,313
Now, listen, Harry.
You saw what that crazy galoot
did at the reception.
742
00:47:33,310 --> 00:47:35,770
It was a disgrace!
743
00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:40,234
Uh, look, Mayor,
you're gonna be on TV too.
744
00:47:40,317 --> 00:47:42,897
They want you
to make a speech.
745
00:47:44,029 --> 00:47:46,319
They want me...
746
00:47:46,406 --> 00:47:48,406
on Ed Sullivan?
747
00:47:50,410 --> 00:47:53,460
A short speech.
Why, sure.
748
00:47:55,249 --> 00:47:58,459
I could become
a statewide face.
749
00:47:58,544 --> 00:48:00,714
It's a deal, Mayor.
750
00:48:00,796 --> 00:48:03,376
Sure, I'll plug you up
for governor.
751
00:48:03,465 --> 00:48:06,005
Bye, Sam.
752
00:48:06,093 --> 00:48:08,183
What a hambo.
753
00:48:08,262 --> 00:48:12,312
Well, it's, uh‒ it's been
a long day, so I think we'll‒
[Clicking]
754
00:48:19,940 --> 00:48:21,900
[ Screams]
755
00:48:21,984 --> 00:48:24,904
I'm thinkin'
of callin' 'em "Speed-Up."
You like it, Mr. McAfee?
756
00:48:24,987 --> 00:48:27,527
"Feed Up With Speed-Up."
I love it, partner.
757
00:48:27,656 --> 00:48:31,446
How will Randolph
ever catch his tortoise?
Just give him one of these.
758
00:48:31,577 --> 00:48:34,537
Hi, Mr. McAfee. Gee,
I just wanted to thank you.
Huh?
759
00:48:34,621 --> 00:48:39,081
My dad said you're
not letting Kim go on TV
and kiss that‒ That!
760
00:48:39,167 --> 00:48:41,797
It can't be true!
Oh, Mr. McAfee,
761
00:48:41,878 --> 00:48:45,008
you wouldn't destroy Kim,
your own flesh and blood.
762
00:48:45,090 --> 00:48:47,930
Oh, sure he would.
A father has a right.
Right?
763
00:48:48,010 --> 00:48:51,260
Hugo, my daughter's old enough
to make her own decisions.
764
00:48:51,346 --> 00:48:53,806
So, I've decided
to let her do it.
765
00:48:55,517 --> 00:48:58,937
Well, in that case,
your daughter's the former
future Mrs. Hugo Peabody.
766
00:48:59,062 --> 00:49:01,232
Oh, Hugo, stop acting
like a child.
Kim!
767
00:49:01,356 --> 00:49:05,936
Where is he?
Can I see him?
Conrad's asleep, poor dear.
768
00:49:06,028 --> 00:49:08,278
You may peek through
his keyhole, while I‒
769
00:49:08,363 --> 00:49:11,913
while I discuss
this tempest in a tea bag
with Hugo.
770
00:49:17,122 --> 00:49:19,042
[ Sighs]
771
00:49:26,632 --> 00:49:28,552
You're lucky people.
772
00:49:28,634 --> 00:49:31,854
What'd we ever do
to deserve such a daughter?
773
00:49:31,928 --> 00:49:34,508
We got married.
774
00:49:34,598 --> 00:49:36,478
Marriage.
775
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,900
But, Kim‒
Yeah, but, Kim‒
I don't have time for debate.
776
00:49:39,978 --> 00:49:42,978
Ursula's waiting.
I've gotta learn my speech
for tomorrow's rehearsal.
777
00:49:43,065 --> 00:49:47,145
Wait a minute, Kim.
Don't go yet, please.
778
00:49:47,235 --> 00:49:50,945
Gee, you don't know
what I've been through
with all the guys buggin' me.
779
00:49:51,073 --> 00:49:55,243
Well, about you
and that Birdie creep.
Oh, that.
780
00:49:55,327 --> 00:49:58,537
Yeah, that!
Well, that's silly.
781
00:49:58,622 --> 00:50:01,752
Aw, he means nothing to me.
782
00:50:05,253 --> 00:50:07,263
♪ One boy ♪
783
00:50:08,674 --> 00:50:12,684
♪ One special boy ♪
784
00:50:12,761 --> 00:50:15,851
♪ One boy to go with ♪
785
00:50:15,931 --> 00:50:19,981
♪ To talk with
and walk with ♪
786
00:50:20,060 --> 00:50:22,480
♪ One boy ♪
787
00:50:22,562 --> 00:50:27,532
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
788
00:50:27,609 --> 00:50:31,199
Yeah. Yeah!
That's the way it should be.
789
00:50:31,279 --> 00:50:33,369
♪ One boy ♪
790
00:50:33,448 --> 00:50:36,028
♪ One certain boy ♪
791
00:50:36,118 --> 00:50:38,748
♪ One boy to laugh with ♪
792
00:50:38,829 --> 00:50:42,499
♪ To joke with
Have Coke with ♪
793
00:50:42,582 --> 00:50:45,292
♪ One boy ♪
794
00:50:45,377 --> 00:50:50,167
♪ Not two or three ♪
795
00:50:53,468 --> 00:50:56,048
♪ One day ♪
796
00:50:56,138 --> 00:50:59,388
♪ You'll find out ♪
797
00:50:59,474 --> 00:51:05,404
♪ This is what life
is all about ♪
798
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:11,240
♪ You need someone who ♪
799
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:13,569
♪ Is living ♪
800
00:51:13,655 --> 00:51:17,695
♪ Just for you ♪
801
00:51:17,784 --> 00:51:21,084
♪ One boy ♪
802
00:51:21,163 --> 00:51:23,463
♪ One steady boy ♪
803
00:51:23,540 --> 00:51:26,040
♪ One boy to be with ♪
804
00:51:26,126 --> 00:51:29,756
♪ Forever and ever ♪
805
00:51:29,838 --> 00:51:32,628
♪ One boy ♪
806
00:51:32,716 --> 00:51:37,676
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
807
00:51:39,181 --> 00:51:45,231
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
808
00:51:52,861 --> 00:51:56,701
Now, is that the kiss of a woman
interested in any other man?
809
00:51:59,201 --> 00:52:02,791
I don't know.
How do I tell?
810
00:52:07,042 --> 00:52:10,802
Aw, but he made you faint!
Oh, he did not!
811
00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:14,549
I-I was just exhausted
cramming for my English exam.
812
00:52:16,510 --> 00:52:21,260
Hugo. Hugo, you‒ you've got
to try to understand me...
813
00:52:21,348 --> 00:52:23,768
as a woman.
814
00:52:23,850 --> 00:52:27,100
Now, I might like Conrad
as a friend.
815
00:52:27,187 --> 00:52:30,437
But when it comes
to the real thing‒
816
00:52:30,524 --> 00:52:33,574
oh, the grand passion‒
817
00:52:35,278 --> 00:52:38,068
well, that's
something special, Hugo.
818
00:52:38,156 --> 00:52:40,986
That's you.
819
00:52:41,076 --> 00:52:43,656
♪ One day ♪
820
00:52:43,745 --> 00:52:46,035
♪ You'll find out ♪
821
00:52:46,122 --> 00:52:49,502
♪ This is what life
is all about ♪
822
00:52:49,584 --> 00:52:54,304
♪ You need someone who ♪
823
00:52:54,381 --> 00:52:56,591
♪ Is living ♪
824
00:52:56,675 --> 00:53:01,045
♪ Just for you ♪
825
00:53:01,137 --> 00:53:03,347
♪ One boy ♪
826
00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:05,811
♪ One steady boy ♪
827
00:53:05,892 --> 00:53:08,192
♪ One boy to be with ♪
828
00:53:08,270 --> 00:53:10,940
♪ Forever and ever ♪
829
00:53:11,022 --> 00:53:13,862
♪ One boy ♪
830
00:53:13,942 --> 00:53:20,282
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
831
00:53:20,365 --> 00:53:23,365
♪ That's the way ♪
832
00:53:23,451 --> 00:53:29,501
♪ It should be ♪
833
00:53:33,461 --> 00:53:36,051
Homework! Hey,
I got homework to do!
834
00:53:36,131 --> 00:53:37,841
Come on.
835
00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:55,363
♪ When will he find out ♪
836
00:53:55,442 --> 00:54:00,322
♪ This is what life
is all about ♪
837
00:54:01,698 --> 00:54:06,328
♪ Will he ever see ♪
838
00:54:07,787 --> 00:54:11,497
♪ I need him ♪
839
00:54:11,583 --> 00:54:18,343
♪ And he needs me ♪
840
00:54:18,465 --> 00:54:22,385
♪ One boy ♪
♪ One special boy ♪
841
00:54:22,510 --> 00:54:24,970
♪ One special boy ♪
♪ One boy ♪
842
00:54:25,096 --> 00:54:28,386
♪ To be with always ♪
♪ One boy to be with ♪
843
00:54:28,516 --> 00:54:33,436
♪ Forever and ever ♪
♪ Forever ♪
844
00:54:33,521 --> 00:54:37,361
♪ I love him ♪
♪ One boy ♪
845
00:54:37,484 --> 00:54:46,034
♪ I love him so ♪
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
846
00:54:47,911 --> 00:54:54,291
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
847
00:54:58,254 --> 00:55:02,474
♪ That's the way ♪
848
00:55:03,885 --> 00:55:11,055
♪ It should be ♪♪
849
00:55:23,405 --> 00:55:25,655
[ Rotary Dialing ]
850
00:55:28,785 --> 00:55:33,245
Hello, Sweet Apple Drive-In.
I'm looking for my mother,
Mrs. Peterson.
851
00:55:33,331 --> 00:55:37,501
Are you sure there's no one
left in your drive-in?
Okay, thank you.
852
00:55:37,585 --> 00:55:40,455
Don't worry, partner.
Your mother'll get along fine.
853
00:55:40,547 --> 00:55:42,837
Sweet Apple's full
of friendly folk.
854
00:55:42,924 --> 00:55:45,554
Oh, if anything happens to her,
I'll never forgive myself.
855
00:55:45,677 --> 00:55:48,137
[Conrad]
What kind of a dump is this?
Dump?
856
00:55:48,221 --> 00:55:52,771
Conrad. Let's humor him,
partner. If he walks off
The Sullivan Show, we're sunk.
857
00:55:52,851 --> 00:55:54,771
Gotcha.
858
00:55:56,980 --> 00:55:59,570
I can't find no church key
in my room.
859
00:55:59,649 --> 00:56:02,899
Church key?
We've had a church here,
but it's open.
860
00:56:03,028 --> 00:56:08,368
A can opener, man. Sheesh.
You're from nowhere-like.
[ Mock Chuckle ]
861
00:56:16,249 --> 00:56:18,289
[ Can Popping ]
862
00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:21,758
[ Both Chuckling ]
Well, that's
my favorite brand.
863
00:56:21,838 --> 00:56:25,008
Well, it's, uh...
bedtime, huh, Conrad?
864
00:56:27,886 --> 00:56:31,766
Okay, for tonight.
But tomorrow's Saturday.
865
00:56:31,848 --> 00:56:35,558
And that's
my real tense night.
866
00:56:35,643 --> 00:56:37,563
[ Roaring ]
867
00:56:43,651 --> 00:56:46,401
Thanks, Mr. McAfee.
868
00:56:46,488 --> 00:56:50,698
The next time
I have a daughter,
I hope it's a boy.
869
00:56:50,784 --> 00:56:52,914
I am a lucky man,
though, Albert.
870
00:56:52,994 --> 00:56:55,374
Meetin' up with
a biochemical wizard.
871
00:56:55,455 --> 00:56:58,745
Peterson and McAfee
are goin' right to the moon.
872
00:56:58,833 --> 00:57:03,633
I've got to.
Not just for my mother,
for Rosie.
873
00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:12,434
Well, I guess
I'll get a little air
and turn in.
874
00:57:12,514 --> 00:57:15,984
Take all the air
you want, chum.
[ Chuckling ]
875
00:57:31,741 --> 00:57:34,041
Hi, Rosie.
876
00:57:35,578 --> 00:57:39,248
Rosie, you don't have
to worry about Mama.
She'll show up.
877
00:57:39,374 --> 00:57:42,294
I'm certain she will.
Well, then
you oughta be happy.
878
00:57:42,377 --> 00:57:47,007
Kim's on the show.
Conrad does my song.
I promise I'll tell Mama about us.
879
00:57:49,050 --> 00:57:51,510
[ Sighs]
Come on.
880
00:57:58,768 --> 00:58:03,688
♪♪
881
00:58:03,773 --> 00:58:06,653
♪ Why look so awfully tragic ♪
882
00:58:06,734 --> 00:58:09,074
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
883
00:58:09,154 --> 00:58:11,824
♪ Smiling can work
like magic ♪
884
00:58:11,906 --> 00:58:14,446
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
885
00:58:14,534 --> 00:58:17,754
♪ Take off the gloomy mask
of tragedy ♪
886
00:58:17,829 --> 00:58:19,959
♪ It's not your style ♪
887
00:58:20,039 --> 00:58:23,539
♪ You'll look so good
that you'll be glad
you decided ♪
888
00:58:23,626 --> 00:58:25,586
♪ To smile ♪
889
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:28,210
♪ Pick out
a pleasant outlook ♪
890
00:58:28,298 --> 00:58:30,838
♪ Stick out that noble chin ♪
891
00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:33,845
♪ Wipe off
the full-of-doubt look ♪
892
00:58:33,928 --> 00:58:36,678
♪ Slap on a happy grin ♪
893
00:58:36,764 --> 00:58:40,694
♪ And spread sunshine
all over the place ♪
894
00:58:40,768 --> 00:58:45,108
♪ Just put on a happy face ♪
895
00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:52,034
Flowers?
896
00:58:52,113 --> 00:58:54,663
[ Crying ]
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
897
00:58:57,243 --> 00:59:00,003
[ Sinisterly]
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
898
00:59:02,749 --> 00:59:04,959
♪ It's such a strain ♪
899
00:59:05,043 --> 00:59:07,883
♪ I always try
to chuckle hourly ♪
900
00:59:07,962 --> 00:59:10,592
♪ It clears the brain ♪
901
00:59:13,009 --> 00:59:17,599
♪ I knew a girl so gloomy
She'd never laugh or sing ♪
902
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,390
♪ She wouldn't listen to me ♪
903
00:59:20,475 --> 00:59:22,635
♪ Now she's
a mean old thing♪
904
00:59:22,727 --> 00:59:28,187
♪ So spread sunshine
all over the place ♪
905
00:59:28,274 --> 00:59:31,744
♪ Put on a happy ♪
906
01:00:44,267 --> 01:00:51,977
[Together]
♪ So put on a happy face ♪♪
907
01:00:54,319 --> 01:00:57,359
[ Both Laughing ]
[Rustling]
908
01:01:06,748 --> 01:01:10,498
[ Laughs ]
Well, like I said,
909
01:01:10,585 --> 01:01:13,295
you're a genius,
Dr. Peterson.
910
01:01:13,379 --> 01:01:17,339
Ah, honey, you sure
have put up with a lot,
but this time we're gonna make it.
911
01:01:17,467 --> 01:01:21,007
Let's live in
a small town like this.
Anything you say, dear.
912
01:01:21,137 --> 01:01:25,177
Okay?
The last time
we were alone together,
913
01:01:25,266 --> 01:01:29,056
last summer at Palisades Park,
we went through
the Tunnel of Love.
914
01:01:29,145 --> 01:01:31,055
Your mother
sat between us.
915
01:01:31,147 --> 01:01:34,107
Oh, honey,
I told you, from now on,
things are gonna be different.
916
01:01:34,192 --> 01:01:38,032
[Mrs. Peterson]
Yoo-hoo! Albert!
It's Mama.
917
01:01:38,112 --> 01:01:40,032
Mama?
918
01:01:40,114 --> 01:01:42,034
Mama!
919
01:01:43,451 --> 01:01:47,711
[ Sighs]
Boy meets girl.
Boy loses girl.
920
01:01:47,789 --> 01:01:51,129
Boy gets mother.
Eeew-ooo!
921
01:01:54,045 --> 01:01:58,215
Mama, where have you been?
Neglected!
That's where I've been.
922
01:01:58,299 --> 01:02:01,469
Well, I tried to find you.
Have you had any dinner?
923
01:02:01,552 --> 01:02:05,812
A mother doesn't need food.
Besides, I'd rather be
with my famous son.
924
01:02:05,890 --> 01:02:09,730
Albert, what is it?
Oh, it's your mother.
Oh, good evening.
925
01:02:09,852 --> 01:02:12,612
How are you, ma'am?
How can I be?
926
01:02:12,688 --> 01:02:16,068
Ripped from my native land,
alone in this jungle.
927
01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:19,030
Gosh, Albert,
I wish we had room
to put up your mother.
928
01:02:19,112 --> 01:02:23,162
Thanks.
A motel mattress full of lumps
is good enough for me.
929
01:02:23,241 --> 01:02:26,241
Comfort is
for my loving son.
930
01:02:26,327 --> 01:02:29,077
Oh!
931
01:02:29,163 --> 01:02:31,373
[ Sighing ]
932
01:02:31,457 --> 01:02:34,037
I just came to tuck you
into bed.
933
01:02:34,127 --> 01:02:37,087
Mama's got a condition.
She won't tell me
what it is.
934
01:02:37,171 --> 01:02:39,921
Why worry a growing boy?
935
01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:43,087
Okay, if you insist.
936
01:02:43,177 --> 01:02:46,677
I got maybe one-tenth
a normal heart.
937
01:02:46,764 --> 01:02:49,064
A mother doesn't need
a heart.
938
01:02:49,142 --> 01:02:52,022
As soon as Albert and I get
our new deal a-rollin',
939
01:02:52,103 --> 01:02:54,693
you'll have the finest doctors
in the country.
940
01:02:54,772 --> 01:02:58,152
Deal?
What deal, Albert?
941
01:02:58,234 --> 01:03:03,244
Well, Mama, I'm quitting
the music business
and going back to chemistry.
942
01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:07,242
That Rosie!
She's finally turned you
against me.
943
01:03:07,326 --> 01:03:09,286
Ah, please, Mama,
she didn't!
944
01:03:09,370 --> 01:03:11,410
Albert, go, desert me!
945
01:03:11,497 --> 01:03:15,627
But when I was expecting him
in the maternity ward,
three days I waited.
946
01:03:15,710 --> 01:03:17,800
Did I desert him? No.
947
01:03:17,879 --> 01:03:21,259
I stayed right there
so he wouldn't be alone
when he was born!
948
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:24,640
Mama, please
don't excite yourself.
Mama, you know I love you.
949
01:03:24,719 --> 01:03:27,469
It's just Rosie and I
have plans.
Okay.
950
01:03:27,555 --> 01:03:29,885
Lou.
951
01:03:29,974 --> 01:03:31,894
I'll be right up.
952
01:03:31,976 --> 01:03:33,976
Start dealing.
953
01:03:34,061 --> 01:03:36,231
[Shoes Squeaking]
954
01:03:36,314 --> 01:03:41,154
Just bury me on your front lawn
so Rosie can walk all over me!
955
01:03:43,696 --> 01:03:46,236
Mama! Mama, please!
956
01:03:46,324 --> 01:03:50,164
It's not gas.
It's electric.
[Kim] Doris!
957
01:03:50,244 --> 01:03:53,664
- Doris! Doris!
- [ Gasps]
958
01:03:53,748 --> 01:03:57,498
Doris, how do you like it?
Isn't it exciting?
959
01:03:57,585 --> 01:04:01,415
No, no, no! I told you
not to dye your hair!
960
01:04:01,506 --> 01:04:04,006
Oh, but I wanted to.
Isn't it a gas?
961
01:04:04,091 --> 01:04:06,431
You dare defy your mother?
962
01:04:06,511 --> 01:04:09,891
- Well, it's my hair.
- Not till you're 21.
963
01:04:09,972 --> 01:04:14,192
- What's the matter, Papa?
- Young lady, you stay in your
room till it changes back!
964
01:04:14,268 --> 01:04:16,598
Do ya hear?
I won't! I won't!
965
01:04:16,729 --> 01:04:19,189
I demand respect
around here.
It's my hair.
966
01:04:19,273 --> 01:04:22,443
- Respect, do ya hear? Respect!
- I respect you, Papa.
967
01:04:22,527 --> 01:04:24,857
I don't want your respect.
968
01:04:24,946 --> 01:04:28,866
Who wants respect
from a ten-year-old kid?
969
01:04:28,950 --> 01:04:32,870
♪ Kids
I don't know what's wrong
with these kids today ♪
970
01:04:32,954 --> 01:04:37,294
♪ Kids
Who can understand
anything they say ♪
971
01:04:37,375 --> 01:04:41,545
♪ Kids
They are disobedient
disrespectful oafs ♪
972
01:04:41,629 --> 01:04:45,969
♪ Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers
While we're on the subject ♪
973
01:04:46,050 --> 01:04:50,140
♪ Kids
You can talk and talk
till your face is blue ♪
974
01:04:50,221 --> 01:04:54,481
♪ Kids
But they still do
just what they want to do ♪
975
01:04:54,559 --> 01:04:56,849
♪ Why can't they be
like we were ♪
976
01:04:56,936 --> 01:04:58,936
♪ Perfect in every way ♪
977
01:04:59,021 --> 01:05:01,981
♪ What's the matter
with kids today ♪
978
01:05:03,609 --> 01:05:07,069
♪ Kids
I've tried to raise you
the best I could ♪
979
01:05:07,154 --> 01:05:11,914
♪ Kids
All the things I've done
were for your own good ♪
980
01:05:11,993 --> 01:05:16,413
♪ Kids
Can't you once appreciate
how I've sacrificed ♪
981
01:05:16,497 --> 01:05:20,707
♪ Working, slaving
scrimping, saving pennies
And living with your father ♪
982
01:05:20,793 --> 01:05:23,593
♪ Kids
No one knows the burdens
I've had to bear ♪
983
01:05:23,671 --> 01:05:25,591
♪ And in my condition ♪
984
01:05:25,673 --> 01:05:29,343
♪ Kids
I'm a poor sick woman
and does he care, ha ♪
985
01:05:29,427 --> 01:05:33,717
♪ Go on, go on and kill me
That's what it's coming to ♪
986
01:05:33,806 --> 01:05:37,016
♪ When a mother
has kids like you ♪
987
01:05:38,686 --> 01:05:41,436
♪ Kids ♪
♪ All the chicken soup
that I made for you ♪
988
01:05:41,522 --> 01:05:43,442
Mama, take it easy.
♪ Kids ♪
989
01:05:43,524 --> 01:05:46,494
♪ Now you throw me out
like a worn-out shoe ♪
990
01:05:46,569 --> 01:05:51,119
Not in front of everybody, Mom.
♪ After all, I haven't been
such an awful son ♪
991
01:05:51,198 --> 01:05:54,538
♪ I never sassed you back
or leave a ring
around the bathtub ♪
992
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:56,700
♪ And don't I always
phone you ♪
♪ Kids ♪
993
01:05:56,787 --> 01:05:59,957
♪ You can give your life
to them night and day ♪
994
01:06:00,041 --> 01:06:02,501
♪ Kids
Then they go get married ♪
Married? Aah!
995
01:06:02,627 --> 01:06:04,627
♪ And move away ♪
Who's gettin' married?
996
01:06:04,712 --> 01:06:06,802
♪ Why do we have
these children ♪
997
01:06:06,881 --> 01:06:10,181
♪ Better to have a pet ♪
You know where you stand
with the pet.
998
01:06:10,259 --> 01:06:12,679
- [ Growling ]
- [Yells]
999
01:06:12,762 --> 01:06:15,012
♪ I've never asked
for nothin' ♪
1000
01:06:15,097 --> 01:06:17,017
♪ Nothin' is what
you'll get ♪
1001
01:06:17,099 --> 01:06:20,099
[Together]
♪ What's the matter
with kids to‒ ♪
1002
01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:23,897
I tried, Lou,
but I failed.
Oh, you didn't, Mama.
1003
01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:26,981
[Mrs. Peterson]
Don't try to pay me back, sonny.
I forgive ya.
1004
01:06:27,109 --> 01:06:31,239
So what if you're an ingrate,
so long as you're happy.
I don't wanna be happy.
1005
01:06:31,322 --> 01:06:36,082
Don't feel guilty. Just make
believe I'm an old, used car.
Junk me, leave me in the gutter.
1006
01:06:36,202 --> 01:06:38,252
I'll never leave you.
Never.
You heard him.
1007
01:06:38,329 --> 01:06:41,959
- You're a witness.
- I promise, Mama. I never
broke a promise to my mama.
1008
01:06:42,083 --> 01:06:45,463
Good boy.
♪ Why can't they be
like Albert ♪
1009
01:06:45,544 --> 01:06:49,724
- ♪ Perfect in every way ♪
- ♪ What's the matter with kids ♪
1010
01:06:49,799 --> 01:06:52,049
♪ Yeah, what's the matter
with kids ♪
1011
01:06:52,134 --> 01:06:55,854
♪ Nothing's the matter
with kids today ♪♪
1012
01:06:55,930 --> 01:06:58,220
[Whining, Barks]
1013
01:06:58,307 --> 01:07:01,187
Mr. Paisley,
this is Rose De Leon.
1014
01:07:01,268 --> 01:07:06,728
You asked me to call
if I had any free time.
Well, I'm free. Very free.
1015
01:07:06,816 --> 01:07:10,066
- Rosie!
- Ten minutes?
1016
01:07:10,152 --> 01:07:12,702
Oh, I'll be waiting for you.
1017
01:07:15,366 --> 01:07:18,406
Well‒
Don't worry, sonny. You can
always get another secretary.
1018
01:07:18,494 --> 01:07:20,454
Rosie!
1019
01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:27,883
[ Girls Chattering, Screaming ]
Can you see him?
Can you see him?
1020
01:07:27,962 --> 01:07:29,922
No. Babette,
can you see him?
1021
01:07:30,005 --> 01:07:34,795
I can't see him. All I can see
is the basketball hoop.
Hey, Gret, can you see him?
1022
01:07:34,885 --> 01:07:37,465
Conrad Birdie in our gym.
1023
01:07:37,638 --> 01:07:39,768
♪♪
♪ Uh, uh, oh ♪
1024
01:07:39,849 --> 01:07:42,019
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1025
01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:44,651
♪ One last kiss ♪
1026
01:07:44,729 --> 01:07:48,569
♪ One more time
Baby, one more time ♪
1027
01:07:48,649 --> 01:07:52,739
♪ It really is sublime
Ah, baby, so sublime ♪
1028
01:07:52,820 --> 01:07:54,910
♪ You know I need your love ♪
1029
01:07:54,989 --> 01:07:59,119
♪ Uh, uh, oh
Gimme one last kiss♪
1030
01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:02,411
♪ One last kiss ♪
1031
01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:06,076
♪ Ba-a-a-a-a-by ♪
1032
01:08:06,167 --> 01:08:10,297
♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss ♪
1033
01:08:10,379 --> 01:08:14,929
♪ Ba-a-a-a-a-by♪
1034
01:08:15,009 --> 01:08:19,099
♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss♪
1035
01:08:19,180 --> 01:08:24,100
♪ Oh, one last kiss♪
1036
01:08:24,185 --> 01:08:26,475
♪ Give me one last kiss♪
1037
01:08:26,562 --> 01:08:30,782
♪ It never felt like this
Nah, baby, not like this♪
1038
01:08:30,858 --> 01:08:32,988
♪ Ya know I need your love ♪
1039
01:08:33,068 --> 01:08:35,778
♪ Uh, uh, oh‒ ♪♪
Okay, cut.
1040
01:08:35,863 --> 01:08:39,703
We'll rehearse
the song later, Conrad.
Al, what's the exact length?
1041
01:08:39,784 --> 01:08:43,704
Oh, uh, one, uh‒ 1:20.
1042
01:08:43,788 --> 01:08:47,248
Check. That gives us
two minutes and forty seconds
for Sullivan's intro to Kim.
1043
01:08:47,333 --> 01:08:51,633
Kim's good luck speech
to Conrad. Then Conrad socks
over a plug for army enlistment.
1044
01:08:51,712 --> 01:08:55,632
Bangs into the song.
And we top it all off
with a big kisseroo. Kim?
1045
01:08:55,716 --> 01:08:58,636
Yes, sir.
1046
01:08:58,719 --> 01:09:02,179
Uh, uh, beg, beg pardon,
but when do I make my speech?
1047
01:09:02,264 --> 01:09:04,184
Speech? What speech?
1048
01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:08,186
I promised Mr. McAfee
he could say a few words.
After all, he's Kim's father.
1049
01:09:08,312 --> 01:09:11,612
Yes, he is.
Kind of a hello
from a proud parent.
1050
01:09:11,690 --> 01:09:16,150
All right. But ya can't have
much time. In fact, all you can
have is 20 seconds on the nose.
1051
01:09:16,237 --> 01:09:21,157
Gotcha. I'll just say a
few words, get some big laughs.
And introduce the Mayor.
1052
01:09:21,242 --> 01:09:23,832
The Mayor?
Aw, come on, Al,
what is this?
1053
01:09:23,911 --> 01:09:26,751
I‒ We had a problem.
1054
01:09:26,831 --> 01:09:29,711
I had to give the Mayor
a spot to humor McAfee.
1055
01:09:29,792 --> 01:09:33,922
All right. All right.
But we'll have to take ten
seconds away from McAfee.
1056
01:09:34,046 --> 01:09:37,676
I imagine songwriting must be
quite a lucrative profession.
Oh, yes, it is.
1057
01:09:37,758 --> 01:09:40,468
Well, how many records
of this song will they sell?
1058
01:09:40,594 --> 01:09:42,514
Oh, about one
or two million.
[ Laughs]
1059
01:09:42,596 --> 01:09:45,466
You know, Claude,
I had a perfectly
wonderful time last night.
1060
01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:47,939
You really are
a wonderful dancer.
Oh, I don't know.
1061
01:09:48,060 --> 01:09:51,730
When one's heart sings,
one's feet take wings.
Oh, how lyrical.
1062
01:09:51,856 --> 01:09:54,976
Is that Shelley or Keats?
That, my dear, is Paisley.
1063
01:09:55,109 --> 01:09:57,029
Really?
That's wonderful.
Uh-huh.
1064
01:09:57,111 --> 01:09:59,071
[ Both Laughing ]
Shall we go?
1065
01:09:59,154 --> 01:10:01,074
Surely.
1066
01:10:01,156 --> 01:10:04,196
[ Laughing ]
1067
01:10:04,285 --> 01:10:06,785
[Stage Manager]
Okay, everybody,
take your places.
1068
01:10:06,871 --> 01:10:08,831
Now, come on, Kim,
move right over there.
1069
01:10:08,956 --> 01:10:11,246
Just read it like
you normally would.
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
1070
01:10:11,333 --> 01:10:15,003
And we, your admirers,
are proud that our military
leaders have called upon you‒
1071
01:10:15,087 --> 01:10:18,967
Conrad, honey.
Please, Mrs. Peterson,
we're rehearsing.
1072
01:10:19,091 --> 01:10:21,721
All right now, Kim.
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
1073
01:10:21,802 --> 01:10:25,472
Could you move over one,
please?
1074
01:10:25,556 --> 01:10:30,186
Kim, you're talking too fast.
Now once more, dear, but slower.
1075
01:10:30,311 --> 01:10:34,821
[Kim] To express to you‒
Tell me, Mrs. Peterson,
what does your husband do?
1076
01:10:34,899 --> 01:10:37,439
I don't know.
He's dead.
1077
01:10:37,526 --> 01:10:39,736
And‒
[ Clears Throat]
And‒
1078
01:10:39,820 --> 01:10:43,530
And I want to say
on behalf of all
the girls...
1079
01:10:43,616 --> 01:10:46,696
who are your
devoted admirers‒
1080
01:10:46,827 --> 01:10:49,577
Oh,
I forgot what's next.
Come on, man, let's go.
1081
01:10:49,663 --> 01:10:51,173
Hiya, Hugo.
Hi, Kim.
1082
01:10:51,248 --> 01:10:53,828
- Look.
- [Conrad] They don't want
this jazz. They want Conrad.
1083
01:10:53,918 --> 01:10:57,668
There's the camera.
I bail in. I sing up a storm.
1084
01:10:57,755 --> 01:10:59,965
I give this chick
the message.
[ Gasps]
1085
01:11:00,049 --> 01:11:02,129
[ Gasps]
1086
01:11:02,217 --> 01:11:04,757
[ Sighs ]
This is my best side.
1087
01:11:04,845 --> 01:11:07,715
- She's fainted!
- Applause. Applause.
I'll dig you later, Dad.
1088
01:11:07,806 --> 01:11:11,476
- [ Hugo ] I've had enough!
I'll put my foot down!
- My baby!
1089
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:13,980
I'm putting my foot down!
She's not going on that show!
1090
01:11:14,104 --> 01:11:18,154
Oh, yes, she is. You're
not wrecking my career.
Oh, what happened?
1091
01:11:18,233 --> 01:11:20,653
Tell him you're through
because you do not wish...
1092
01:11:20,736 --> 01:11:23,156
to humiliate your steady
in this sordid fashion.
1093
01:11:23,238 --> 01:11:25,408
Hugo Peabody,
you take that back!
1094
01:11:25,532 --> 01:11:28,162
I will not, but I will
take my pin back!
[ Groans ]
1095
01:11:28,243 --> 01:11:30,543
Oh, with pleasure!
1096
01:11:38,629 --> 01:11:42,799
Conrad, I know you're tense,
but we haven't finished
the number. It's not ready.
1097
01:11:42,883 --> 01:11:45,843
Conrad's a trooper, like I was.
Us troopers get tense.
1098
01:11:45,928 --> 01:11:47,848
Yeah, man,
like she said like.
1099
01:11:47,930 --> 01:11:50,770
Why don't you and I
go for a nice ride
in the country?
1100
01:11:50,849 --> 01:11:55,149
Uh-uh. Man, I hope
I never get that tense.
1101
01:11:57,898 --> 01:12:00,278
I never should
have said that to Rosie.
1102
01:12:00,401 --> 01:12:03,651
[ Kim ]
Who does he think he is?
Al, I got a wire from Sullivan.
1103
01:12:03,737 --> 01:12:06,947
"Russian Ballet switching
to different dance, requiring
additional four minutes.
1104
01:12:07,074 --> 01:12:11,294
"Therefore, the entire Birdie spot
must be cut to less than 30 seconds.
Cut?
1105
01:12:11,370 --> 01:12:14,370
Tell Peterson and Rosie
I'm sorry, song is out,
but no choice."
1106
01:12:14,456 --> 01:12:18,086
Oh, no! No, no!
They can't do this!
They can't cut the song!
1107
01:12:18,168 --> 01:12:22,338
They've already done it, kid.
In thirty seconds, all Birdie
can do is take a bow.
1108
01:12:22,423 --> 01:12:24,343
I'm awfully sorry.
1109
01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:27,472
The Russians!
1110
01:12:27,553 --> 01:12:32,523
First they take Czechoslovakia,
now they take my four minutes!
Oh, Mama.
1111
01:12:32,599 --> 01:12:35,019
Oh, baby. Oh.
1112
01:12:35,102 --> 01:12:38,312
Well, that's‒
that's show business.
1113
01:12:41,817 --> 01:12:44,777
[Car Engine Revving]
1114
01:12:49,366 --> 01:12:52,286
[People Chattering]
1115
01:12:55,330 --> 01:13:05,330
♪♪
1116
01:13:05,466 --> 01:13:09,716
♪ There are chicks
just right for some kissin' ♪
1117
01:13:09,803 --> 01:13:14,103
♪ And I mean
to kiss me a few ♪
1118
01:13:14,183 --> 01:13:18,653
♪ Man, those chicks don't know
what they're missin' ♪
1119
01:13:18,729 --> 01:13:22,569
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1120
01:13:22,649 --> 01:13:27,199
♪ Sizzlin' steaks
all ready for tastin' ♪
1121
01:13:27,279 --> 01:13:31,079
♪ And there's Cadillacs
all shiny and new ♪
1122
01:13:31,158 --> 01:13:36,248
♪ Gotta move
'cause time is a-wastin' ♪
1123
01:13:36,330 --> 01:13:39,960
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1124
01:13:40,042 --> 01:13:43,172
♪ There's music to play
Places to go ♪
1125
01:13:43,253 --> 01:13:45,133
♪ People to see ♪
1126
01:13:45,214 --> 01:13:49,134
♪ Everything for you and me ♪
1127
01:13:49,218 --> 01:13:53,428
♪ Life's a ball
if only you know it ♪
1128
01:13:53,514 --> 01:13:57,814
♪ And it's all
just waitin' for you ♪
1129
01:13:57,893 --> 01:14:02,113
♪ You're alive
so come on and show it ♪
1130
01:14:02,189 --> 01:14:06,109
♪ Yeah, we've got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1131
01:14:06,193 --> 01:14:09,283
♪ There are men ♪
1132
01:14:09,363 --> 01:14:12,073
♪ With childhood
behind them ♪
1133
01:14:13,534 --> 01:14:16,664
♪ Handsome men ♪
1134
01:14:16,745 --> 01:14:19,035
♪ From Yale or Purdue ♪
1135
01:14:20,874 --> 01:14:23,964
♪ Older men ♪
1136
01:14:24,044 --> 01:14:26,674
♪ And I'm gonna find 'em ♪
1137
01:14:28,549 --> 01:14:35,099
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1138
01:14:35,180 --> 01:14:40,310
♪ I-I-I'm a-gonna have fun
Gonna be wild ♪
1139
01:14:40,394 --> 01:14:43,234
♪ Have my own way ♪
1140
01:14:43,313 --> 01:14:46,653
♪ I may break ♪
1141
01:14:46,733 --> 01:14:49,743
♪ A heart a day ♪
1142
01:14:50,612 --> 01:14:53,782
♪ Drink champagne ♪
1143
01:14:53,866 --> 01:14:56,446
♪ As if it were water ♪
1144
01:14:58,245 --> 01:15:00,245
♪ Pink champagne ♪
1145
01:15:01,373 --> 01:15:04,213
♪ And after a few ♪
1146
01:15:05,252 --> 01:15:08,672
♪ Daddy dear ♪
1147
01:15:08,755 --> 01:15:11,585
♪ You won't know your daughter ♪
1148
01:15:13,677 --> 01:15:19,057
♪ She's got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
♪♪ [Drumming]
1149
01:15:24,229 --> 01:15:28,529
♪ Think I'll be
a ring-a-ding drummer ♪
1150
01:15:28,609 --> 01:15:32,859
♪ Make each week
a thousand or two ♪
1151
01:15:32,946 --> 01:15:36,866
♪ Gorgeous girls
will beg for my number ♪
1152
01:15:36,950 --> 01:15:41,620
♪ Hey, I've got a lot
of livin ' to do ♪
1153
01:15:41,705 --> 01:15:44,285
♪ Yes, I'm gonna break out
Gonna take off ♪
1154
01:15:44,374 --> 01:15:46,714
♪ Gonna be free ♪
1155
01:15:46,793 --> 01:15:50,963
♪ This town is awfully square
for a cat like me ♪
1156
01:15:51,048 --> 01:15:54,838
♪ Or I'll be a superjet pilot♪
1157
01:15:54,927 --> 01:15:58,887
♪ Fly me high
way out in the blue ♪
1158
01:15:58,972 --> 01:16:03,562
♪ Then they'll see
I'm no shrinking violet ♪
1159
01:16:03,644 --> 01:16:06,984
♪ Hey, I've got a lot
of livin ' to do ♪
1160
01:17:08,875 --> 01:17:10,835
[ Snapping Fingers]
1161
01:17:22,514 --> 01:17:25,814
♪♪ [Rumba]
1162
01:17:36,111 --> 01:17:39,451
♪♪ [Rumba]
1163
01:17:39,531 --> 01:17:42,581
♪♪ [ Trilling ]
1164
01:17:56,965 --> 01:17:59,925
[ Snapping Fingers]
1165
01:18:39,049 --> 01:18:44,139
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1166
01:19:05,575 --> 01:19:08,865
♪ There's music to play ♪
♪ Places to go ♪
1167
01:19:08,954 --> 01:19:10,914
♪ People to see ♪
1168
01:19:10,997 --> 01:19:15,087
♪ Ah, everything
for you and me ♪
1169
01:19:15,168 --> 01:19:19,378
♪ Life's a ball
if only you know it ♪
1170
01:19:19,464 --> 01:19:23,764
♪ Yeah, and it's all
just waitin' for you ♪
1171
01:19:23,844 --> 01:19:28,274
♪ Oh, you're alive
so come on and show it ♪
1172
01:19:28,348 --> 01:19:33,018
♪ Yeah, we got a lot of livin'
Such a lot of livin' ♪
1173
01:19:33,103 --> 01:19:35,613
♪ Tonight's the night
we're gonna fly ♪
1174
01:19:35,689 --> 01:19:38,609
♪ Let's kick this
hick town into high ♪
1175
01:19:42,237 --> 01:19:44,607
♪ I want a taste
of everything ♪
1176
01:19:44,698 --> 01:19:47,278
♪ Let's live it up
and really swing ♪
1177
01:19:47,367 --> 01:19:50,287
♪ Got a lot of livin' ♪
1178
01:19:50,370 --> 01:19:53,120
♪ Livin', livin', livin' ♪
1179
01:19:53,206 --> 01:19:56,536
♪ Livin' to do ♪♪
Live!
1180
01:20:08,722 --> 01:20:11,642
[Car Engine Revving]
1181
01:20:13,393 --> 01:20:15,313
Hugo.
1182
01:20:15,395 --> 01:20:18,315
[Car Pulling A way]
1183
01:20:31,912 --> 01:20:34,832
♪♪ [Ballet]
1184
01:20:45,425 --> 01:20:49,175
But you needn't
bite my head off.
I only asked a civil question.
1185
01:20:49,262 --> 01:20:53,602
Ten times you've asked me.
I don't know why they changed
to this slow dance for TV.
1186
01:20:53,683 --> 01:20:57,353
If Albert can't get 'em to cut
it shorter, tomorrow night
I won't be on Ed Sullivan.
1187
01:20:57,479 --> 01:21:01,019
And neither will Kim, and you
know how much it means to her.
How about m‒
1188
01:21:01,107 --> 01:21:04,817
Well, anyway, Albert's
still in with the manager,
so that's a good sign.
1189
01:21:04,903 --> 01:21:07,783
If Eisenhower
couldn't handle the Russians,
how's Albert gonna talk to 'em?
1190
01:21:07,864 --> 01:21:12,334
Uh‒ Ahem.
[ Speaking Russian ]
1191
01:21:12,410 --> 01:21:16,460
[ Russian ]
1192
01:21:18,041 --> 01:21:20,671
[ Russian ]
Jack Kennedy.
1193
01:21:20,752 --> 01:21:22,712
Oh, uh, long live
Joseph Stalin.
1194
01:21:22,837 --> 01:21:25,667
Stalin?
I mean, uh, Stalin‒
Stalin lived too long.
1195
01:21:25,799 --> 01:21:28,339
Long live Khrushchev.
[ Russian ]
1196
01:21:28,426 --> 01:21:31,006
[ Chuckles]
1197
01:21:32,973 --> 01:21:35,063
Ah!
1198
01:21:35,141 --> 01:21:38,231
[ Russian ]
1199
01:21:38,311 --> 01:21:40,561
[ Clears Throat]
Um...
1200
01:21:40,647 --> 01:21:45,737
[ Russian ]
1201
01:21:45,819 --> 01:21:48,489
[ Chuckles]
Save your life? Me?
1202
01:21:48,572 --> 01:21:51,282
My friend, if you are sick,
see a doctor.
1203
01:21:51,366 --> 01:21:55,996
"If you're sick, see a doctor."
You-You speak English?
1204
01:21:56,079 --> 01:21:58,829
It saves time.
1205
01:21:58,915 --> 01:22:03,085
What can I do for you‒
[ Russian ]
Uh, Mr., eh, Peterson?
1206
01:22:03,169 --> 01:22:06,589
Sir, I have‒ I have come
to appeal to you.
1207
01:22:06,673 --> 01:22:09,343
That ballet, the one you're doing
on TV tomorrow night.
1208
01:22:09,426 --> 01:22:11,636
Da. [Russian]
Mr. Ed Sullivan.
1209
01:22:11,720 --> 01:22:15,890
Yeah, that's the one.
Could, could you just
cut that four minutes?
1210
01:22:15,974 --> 01:22:18,024
Well, it's beautiful.
I love it.
1211
01:22:18,101 --> 01:22:20,601
But my life depends on it.
1212
01:22:20,687 --> 01:22:23,147
Desecrate this classic?
1213
01:22:23,231 --> 01:22:26,031
I need the time for
Conrad Birdie to sing my song.
1214
01:22:27,569 --> 01:22:30,779
Who sent you here?
Senator Goldwater?
1215
01:22:30,864 --> 01:22:33,874
Will you cut three minutes?
1216
01:22:33,950 --> 01:22:36,120
Two minutes?
1217
01:22:36,202 --> 01:22:38,832
A minute and a half?
1218
01:22:38,913 --> 01:22:41,963
To cut even ten seconds
would be artistic sabotage.
1219
01:22:42,042 --> 01:22:44,792
This ballet has
historic significance.
1220
01:22:44,878 --> 01:22:48,008
It was performed
the same day as the funeral
of the Czar.
1221
01:22:48,089 --> 01:22:50,969
Lenin himself
made the arrangement.
1222
01:22:51,092 --> 01:22:55,222
Lenin arranged music?
No, funerals.
[ Russian ]
1223
01:23:01,061 --> 01:23:04,861
[Kim] Hello, Rose.
Oh, hi, Kim.
You still up?
1224
01:23:04,939 --> 01:23:07,979
Oh, I'm so
miserable, Rose.
1225
01:23:08,068 --> 01:23:12,698
I've lost Hugo,
and now I'm not even
going to be on TV.
1226
01:23:12,822 --> 01:23:16,082
Why not?
Oh, the Ballet's taking
four extra minutes,
1227
01:23:16,159 --> 01:23:19,039
so Birdie's song
and the kiss are out.
1228
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:22,330
Well, serves Albert right.
1229
01:23:22,415 --> 01:23:24,705
Oh, now come on, relax.
1230
01:23:24,793 --> 01:23:27,963
Faithless men like Albert
and Hugo, they're all alike.
1231
01:23:28,046 --> 01:23:31,836
From puberty to stupidity,
from Benedict Arnold to Mussolini.
1232
01:23:31,925 --> 01:23:36,255
Men... we laugh at them.
Right?
1233
01:23:36,346 --> 01:23:41,016
It's easy for you
to pick up the pieces
of your shattered dream.
1234
01:23:41,101 --> 01:23:44,021
You've found a compensation.
1235
01:23:44,104 --> 01:23:49,114
Oh, that Claude Paisley's
just too much.
[ Sighs ]
1236
01:23:49,192 --> 01:23:52,112
He's too much all right.
1237
01:23:52,195 --> 01:23:54,405
But I won't mention of what.
1238
01:23:54,489 --> 01:23:57,329
All that charm, so genteel,
1239
01:23:57,409 --> 01:24:00,449
so educated,
so underhanded!
1240
01:24:03,498 --> 01:24:08,548
You mean Mr. Paisley's
like all the rest? I thought
he was the marrying type.
1241
01:24:08,628 --> 01:24:12,798
Oh, he is. He is.
He wanted to elope tonight.
1242
01:24:12,882 --> 01:24:15,642
And you know what?
He'd like to live in New York.
1243
01:24:15,719 --> 01:24:18,049
Uh, not to teach.
To be a songwriter.
1244
01:24:18,138 --> 01:24:20,468
- A songwriter?
- [ Sighs ]
1245
01:24:20,557 --> 01:24:23,557
He's all the things
I wanna get away from.
1246
01:24:23,643 --> 01:24:25,563
Oh, I'm sorry.
1247
01:24:25,645 --> 01:24:29,225
I never dreamed
that Mr. Paisley,
of all men‒
1248
01:24:29,315 --> 01:24:33,855
Oh, well, men.
They're only out
to use us, Kim.
1249
01:24:33,945 --> 01:24:36,735
I know.
Hugo's used me since
we were freshmen.
1250
01:24:36,823 --> 01:24:39,873
All those years
I wasted on Albert.
1251
01:24:39,951 --> 01:24:44,291
Rosie, the dependable one.
Rosie, the patient one.
Rosie, the good girl.
1252
01:24:44,372 --> 01:24:48,462
I know it sounds old-fashioned,
but... I'm not ashamed to admit it.
1253
01:24:48,543 --> 01:24:50,753
I'm still a good girl.
Rose?
1254
01:24:50,837 --> 01:24:53,337
Hmm?
So am I.
1255
01:24:55,258 --> 01:24:58,508
No kidding?
1256
01:24:58,595 --> 01:25:01,095
Well, you won't be sorry.
1257
01:25:02,223 --> 01:25:04,183
[ Kisses]
1258
01:25:05,351 --> 01:25:07,771
Are you going out
so late?
Mm-hmm.
1259
01:25:07,854 --> 01:25:13,234
My farewell to Sweet Apple.
A night to remember.
I'm going to Maude's Café.
1260
01:25:13,318 --> 01:25:16,698
Maude's!
That's a wild place.
1261
01:25:16,780 --> 01:25:19,120
You're not gonna
do anything rash?
1262
01:25:19,199 --> 01:25:21,579
Whatever you hear about me, Kim,
just tell them...
1263
01:25:21,659 --> 01:25:24,039
that she loved not wisely,
but too well.
1264
01:25:24,120 --> 01:25:26,040
Ole!
1265
01:25:32,837 --> 01:25:35,877
♪♪ [Big Band]
1266
01:25:37,592 --> 01:25:40,182
This is the place, Albert.
Hottest spot in the county.
1267
01:25:40,303 --> 01:25:43,643
How do you know?
Oh, I heard,
only heard.
1268
01:25:43,765 --> 01:25:47,685
Albert, don't go in that place.
I must.
It's the only way.
1269
01:25:47,811 --> 01:25:52,151
But drinking
won't solve anything.
He's frustrated.
1270
01:25:52,232 --> 01:25:54,152
Good-bye.
1271
01:25:56,694 --> 01:25:59,704
Thanks.
I'd go in there with you
if I weren't a happy family man...
1272
01:25:59,781 --> 01:26:01,871
and not allowed
to enjoy myself.
1273
01:26:01,950 --> 01:26:04,160
[Hugo]
Oh, please, mister.
I just‒
1274
01:26:04,285 --> 01:26:07,495
I'm telling you
for the last time!
All I want is a drink.
1275
01:26:07,580 --> 01:26:10,000
No drinks!
Now get lost!
1276
01:26:10,083 --> 01:26:13,293
Well, just a pint of bourbon?
Gin? Scotch?
1277
01:26:13,419 --> 01:26:16,339
No!
Well, how 'bout a malted
with a little vodka?
1278
01:26:16,422 --> 01:26:18,882
Come back
when you're 21.
1279
01:26:18,967 --> 01:26:23,467
Oh, well, well, I'm way over 21.
I only look young
from too much drinking.
1280
01:26:23,555 --> 01:26:26,265
[ Moans]
1281
01:26:29,936 --> 01:26:34,356
Oh, look at me. Look at
this shell of a human being.
The monster you've created.
1282
01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:38,860
Oh, I'm sorry about‒
Hugo, don't worry,
you'll get Kim back.
1283
01:26:38,945 --> 01:26:42,735
No, thanks.
The bloom is off the rose.
1284
01:26:42,824 --> 01:26:46,624
Rose. Little Rose.
1285
01:26:46,703 --> 01:26:50,043
A precious flower
that I trampled on.
1286
01:27:01,718 --> 01:27:03,718
[Whimpers]
1287
01:27:05,555 --> 01:27:07,265
There we go.
1288
01:27:07,348 --> 01:27:10,848
A toast.
To Mae, she's okay.
[ Laughing ]
1289
01:27:10,935 --> 01:27:12,975
I'm a songwriter too, huh?
1290
01:27:13,062 --> 01:27:16,692
Would you call the McAfee house
again and see my Al‒ Sonny!
1291
01:27:16,774 --> 01:27:19,074
Mama, what are you doing
in a place like this?
1292
01:27:19,152 --> 01:27:22,032
I'm playing canasta.
I got lonesome.
Did you cut the Russians?
1293
01:27:22,155 --> 01:27:24,525
Why are you consorting
with that strange man?
Glad to meet you.
1294
01:27:24,616 --> 01:27:29,116
Looks ain't everything.
Besides, Mr. Maude is
100% gentleman, and a widower.
1295
01:27:29,203 --> 01:27:30,913
Three times.
Sit down, Albert.
1296
01:27:30,997 --> 01:27:34,497
Any son of Mae Peterson
is a friend of mine.
Come, come.
1297
01:27:34,584 --> 01:27:37,504
[Albert] Mama,
get your things. We're taking
the bus to New York tonight.
1298
01:27:37,629 --> 01:27:41,759
[Mrs. Peterson]
Your song? It's all off?
It's dead, Mama, like I am.
1299
01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:45,091
- You ain't goin', Mae.
- You unhand her.
Come on, Mama.
1300
01:27:45,178 --> 01:27:48,098
Okay, buster, set 'em up.
Double scotch and gin
on the side.
1301
01:27:48,181 --> 01:27:51,641
And, uh... a bourbon chaser.
Make that a triple chaser.
1302
01:27:51,726 --> 01:27:54,596
And bring on
the dancing boys!
1303
01:27:54,687 --> 01:27:57,857
Well, come on,
make with the drinks, Meyer.
We gotta put out this fire.
1304
01:27:59,067 --> 01:28:03,107
Uh‒
♪ Everything is Rosie
Cha-cha-cha ♪
1305
01:28:03,237 --> 01:28:05,617
♪ 'Cause my name is Rosie ♪
Ah, the poor thing.
1306
01:28:05,740 --> 01:28:07,910
♪ Si, si, si ♪♪
She can't get over me.
1307
01:28:08,034 --> 01:28:11,164
She's singing the song
I wrote for her.
You wrote her a song?
1308
01:28:11,245 --> 01:28:14,705
Only eight bars, Mama.
Somehow, I never could
finish it.
1309
01:28:14,791 --> 01:28:17,961
Hey, what's with the red caps?
You got a train inside?
1310
01:28:18,044 --> 01:28:20,424
[Laughing Hysterically]
1311
01:28:23,007 --> 01:28:24,927
Eeew!
1312
01:28:25,051 --> 01:28:29,391
Hey, where ya goin'?
I'm gonna go and see what the
boys in the backroom'll have.
1313
01:28:29,472 --> 01:28:31,602
Albert!
Where are you going?
1314
01:28:31,683 --> 01:28:36,193
To save her from herself.
To save her for me.
She might get in trouble.
1315
01:28:36,270 --> 01:28:38,980
[Man]
Report on the charity bazaar
which we ran...
1316
01:28:39,065 --> 01:28:42,565
for the benefit
of the old folks' home;
to wit, net cash receipts:
1317
01:28:42,652 --> 01:28:46,662
$840.06.
1318
01:28:46,739 --> 01:28:50,489
- [Albert] Rosie!
- Valuable goods contributed:
two milk cows, live;
1319
01:28:50,576 --> 01:28:52,406
Rosie!
1320
01:28:52,495 --> 01:28:54,245
80 lugs of fresh fruit;
1321
01:28:54,330 --> 01:28:57,540
45young kumquat trees;
1322
01:28:57,625 --> 01:28:59,705
one ton of fertilizer‒
1323
01:28:59,794 --> 01:29:01,924
Yoo-hoo!
1324
01:29:03,965 --> 01:29:05,925
Whoo-hoo?
1325
01:29:13,808 --> 01:29:18,858
And now, before the recording
secretary reads the minutes
from last week's meeting,
1326
01:29:18,938 --> 01:29:21,818
I wish to bring up a subject
that I know is on...
1327
01:29:21,899 --> 01:29:26,449
everybody's mind... tonight.
1328
01:29:26,529 --> 01:29:28,609
Whoo-ooo.
1329
01:29:48,551 --> 01:29:51,471
♪♪ [Egyptian]
1330
01:30:29,383 --> 01:30:31,763
As I was saying,
gentlemen‒
1331
01:30:31,844 --> 01:30:33,854
[ Gasps]
1332
01:30:33,930 --> 01:30:36,180
[ Shriner Gasps]
[ Gasps ]
1333
01:30:40,311 --> 01:30:42,401
[ Moaning ]
1334
01:30:45,441 --> 01:30:47,361
[Yells]
1335
01:30:54,367 --> 01:30:56,537
Whoo-hoo!
1336
01:31:02,208 --> 01:31:04,128
Yeah!
1337
01:31:04,210 --> 01:31:07,050
[ Shriners Laughing ]
1338
01:31:07,171 --> 01:31:09,671
Hey!
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
1339
01:31:17,723 --> 01:31:19,683
[ Shriners Shout]
1340
01:31:29,735 --> 01:31:31,645
[ Shouts]
1341
01:31:32,905 --> 01:31:35,525
Whoo-hoo!
1342
01:31:35,616 --> 01:31:37,236
Yeah!
1343
01:31:38,411 --> 01:31:40,331
Whoo-yeah.
1344
01:31:40,413 --> 01:31:42,333
Ah.
[ Shouts]
1345
01:31:43,291 --> 01:31:45,211
Hey! Hey!
1346
01:31:45,293 --> 01:31:49,593
[ Shriners Howling,
Chuckling ]
1347
01:31:49,714 --> 01:31:51,924
[ Shouting ]
[ Gasps]
No.
1348
01:31:53,551 --> 01:31:55,511
[ Rosie Gasping ]
1349
01:31:55,595 --> 01:31:58,055
[ Shriners Cheering ]
1350
01:32:08,065 --> 01:32:11,525
Oh. Oh! Oh!
[ Screams ]
[ Shriners ]
Hey!
1351
01:32:11,652 --> 01:32:13,532
[ Whimpering ]
Hey!
1352
01:32:13,654 --> 01:32:15,574
[ Screams ]
Hey!
1353
01:32:15,656 --> 01:32:17,576
[ Screams]
Hey!
1354
01:32:17,658 --> 01:32:20,998
Hey!
Hey!
1355
01:32:21,120 --> 01:32:23,000
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
[ Coughing ]
1356
01:32:23,080 --> 01:32:27,460
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
[ Clanging ]
1357
01:32:27,543 --> 01:32:29,463
[ Screams]
1358
01:32:32,882 --> 01:32:34,802
No! No, listen,
fellas. Stop!
1359
01:32:34,884 --> 01:32:37,434
[ Stammering ]
Haah!
1360
01:32:40,306 --> 01:32:42,306
Rosie!
1361
01:32:43,726 --> 01:32:45,646
[ Screams]
1362
01:32:47,146 --> 01:32:49,476
Albert!
1363
01:32:52,235 --> 01:32:54,565
Whoa-oh!
1364
01:32:54,654 --> 01:32:58,244
Whoa-oh!
1365
01:32:58,324 --> 01:33:00,244
[ Shriners]
Whoo-oo.
1366
01:33:00,326 --> 01:33:04,406
Albert! Whoa!
Ole!
1367
01:33:07,792 --> 01:33:09,712
[ Shriners Cheering,
Shouting ]
1368
01:33:30,356 --> 01:33:32,276
Rosie?
1369
01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:36,363
Rosie, baby?
1370
01:33:42,827 --> 01:33:44,787
Good morning, darling.
1371
01:33:44,870 --> 01:33:47,580
It's way past noon.
Sleep okay, honey?
1372
01:33:47,665 --> 01:33:50,665
Mm-hmm.
I tried not to.
1373
01:33:50,751 --> 01:33:54,051
I wanted to keep reliving
that wonderful moment...
1374
01:33:55,631 --> 01:33:57,881
when my shining knight...
1375
01:33:57,967 --> 01:34:00,757
rushed into
the sultan's cave...
1376
01:34:00,845 --> 01:34:03,095
and carried me off.
1377
01:34:04,557 --> 01:34:06,807
Well, that's just
the beginning.
1378
01:34:06,892 --> 01:34:10,442
Pack. We're taking the bus
to Niagara Falls.
1379
01:34:10,521 --> 01:34:12,441
Oh, yes, dear.
1380
01:34:17,486 --> 01:34:19,566
Rosie?
Hmm?
1381
01:34:19,655 --> 01:34:23,325
You‒ You never saw me
in pajamas before.
1382
01:34:23,409 --> 01:34:25,409
Are you disappointed?
1383
01:34:26,662 --> 01:34:28,622
Mm-mm.
1384
01:34:30,916 --> 01:34:32,876
Are you?
[ Laughs]
1385
01:34:39,842 --> 01:34:41,722
Uh‒
1386
01:34:43,095 --> 01:34:47,015
Let's take a plane
to Niagara Falls.
A jet!
1387
01:34:50,144 --> 01:34:52,404
Oh, Albert,
1388
01:34:52,480 --> 01:34:55,650
we came here
to get your mother set
financially.
1389
01:34:55,733 --> 01:35:00,533
Our marriage wouldn't have
a chance if we started off feeling
guilty about deserting her.
1390
01:35:00,613 --> 01:35:04,333
That's right.
It may be a long time
before I make any money.
1391
01:35:04,408 --> 01:35:06,658
Not if Birdie sang
your song tonight.
1392
01:35:06,744 --> 01:35:11,874
No chance. I pleaded.
They won't shorten the ballet,
not even ten seconds.
1393
01:35:11,957 --> 01:35:15,957
It's the slowest dance I ever saw.
They move like turtles.
1394
01:35:17,296 --> 01:35:19,586
Albert. Albert!
1395
01:35:19,673 --> 01:35:22,013
What?
Randolph!
Randolph!
1396
01:35:27,890 --> 01:35:32,100
Boys, those are
really showstoppers!
Frank, Dean and Sammy.
1397
01:35:32,186 --> 01:35:34,306
Come out here
and take a bow.
1398
01:35:36,023 --> 01:35:40,403
[Applause]
Frank, Dean and Sammy McWilliams.
Thank you, boys.
1399
01:35:40,486 --> 01:35:44,316
Right now, here on our stage,
the magnificent orchestra...
1400
01:35:44,407 --> 01:35:47,657
of American composer-conductor,
Ray Block.
1401
01:35:47,743 --> 01:35:49,663
Now really, let's hear it.
1402
01:35:49,787 --> 01:35:52,707
Well, that oughta do it.
Any questions?
Not at all.
1403
01:35:52,790 --> 01:35:55,380
Okay, I'm going backstage.
Right.
1404
01:35:59,338 --> 01:36:01,968
Don't know why I let
that Albert drag us here.
1405
01:36:02,049 --> 01:36:04,589
Rosie said she might have
a big surprise for us.
1406
01:36:04,677 --> 01:36:07,887
Maybe they'll show us
sitting here on TV.
I bet that's it.
1407
01:36:08,013 --> 01:36:12,353
Where did you get that money?
I sold Mr. Peterson
my chemical set.
1408
01:36:14,895 --> 01:36:18,975
Two minutes, Maestro.
[Maestro]
Borov will be there.
1409
01:36:19,066 --> 01:36:22,646
I've never been late
for performance in whole career.
1410
01:36:24,238 --> 01:36:27,658
You say you from magazine?
Uh, yes,
American Ballet Magazine.
1411
01:36:27,741 --> 01:36:31,791
And we want a picture of
the world's greatest conductor,
Maestro Borov.
1412
01:36:31,871 --> 01:36:36,131
You flatter me.
So, shoot me quick.
1413
01:36:36,208 --> 01:36:38,958
Oh, drinking this milk.
1414
01:36:39,044 --> 01:36:40,964
Milk?
Yes.
1415
01:36:41,046 --> 01:36:44,086
[ Laughs ]
We drink vodka,
little flower.
1416
01:36:44,175 --> 01:36:47,925
Oh, no, well, no.
No, thank you.
Uh, please, Maestro, this milk.
1417
01:36:48,012 --> 01:36:53,062
You see, our President
has asked us to drink more milk
and it would be a goodwill gesture.
1418
01:36:53,142 --> 01:36:55,392
President?
Yes!
1419
01:36:55,478 --> 01:37:00,228
Uh, won't you please, Maestro,
to improve our relations?
1420
01:37:00,316 --> 01:37:02,896
You're pretty enough
to be un-American.
1421
01:37:02,985 --> 01:37:05,395
Ahh.
Ha-ha!
1422
01:37:05,488 --> 01:37:08,698
All right, here we go.
Drink up. That's it.
1423
01:37:08,824 --> 01:37:14,044
[ Shutter Clicks]
Now, keep drinking until I frame
you‒ frame you perfectly.
1424
01:37:14,121 --> 01:37:16,501
All right, once more.
Bottoms up. That's it.
1425
01:37:19,251 --> 01:37:21,341
[ Mumbling ]
1426
01:37:21,420 --> 01:37:23,670
Very good.
1427
01:37:23,756 --> 01:37:27,006
Ah, you got it!
Uh, I mean, gotcha.
1428
01:37:29,637 --> 01:37:31,507
See you after,
could be?
1429
01:37:31,639 --> 01:37:35,349
Oh, I'll catch up with you.
And for you,
I do not go too fast.
1430
01:37:35,434 --> 01:37:37,814
We shall see.
[ Chuckles]
1431
01:37:37,937 --> 01:37:39,897
[ Chuckles]
Good-bye.
1432
01:37:40,022 --> 01:37:42,822
Thank you.
[ Speaking Russian ]
1433
01:37:52,618 --> 01:37:54,578
Mission accomplished.
1434
01:37:54,662 --> 01:37:56,582
He drank it?
Yeah.
1435
01:37:56,664 --> 01:38:00,004
My formula works on chickens
and Randolph's turtle,
but I don't know about humans.
1436
01:38:00,084 --> 01:38:05,134
If it doesn't, we're no worse off;
but if it does, this'll be
the shortest ballet in history.
1437
01:38:05,214 --> 01:38:09,724
Now, ready, America and Canada,
because here we go
out to Columbus, Ohio,
1438
01:38:09,802 --> 01:38:15,062
where the Moscow Ballet
dances the "Rose Adagio" from
Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty,
1439
01:38:15,140 --> 01:38:17,850
conducted by
Maestro Borzoi Borov.
1440
01:38:17,935 --> 01:38:21,225
Take it away, CBS,
Columbus, Ohio.
1441
01:38:21,313 --> 01:38:23,363
We're on.
Up on one.
1442
01:38:23,440 --> 01:38:25,900
[Audience Applauding]
1443
01:38:30,906 --> 01:38:33,406
Lights.
1444
01:38:38,247 --> 01:38:48,247
♪♪
1445
01:38:56,348 --> 01:38:58,928
[Applause ]
1446
01:39:05,566 --> 01:39:08,436
♪♪ [ Harp ]
1447
01:39:38,474 --> 01:39:43,404
- ♪♪ [Orchestra Begins]
- Camera two, can you move to
your right a couple of feet?
1448
01:40:01,121 --> 01:40:03,251
[ Chattering In Russian ]
1449
01:40:14,259 --> 01:40:16,389
Magnificent!
[ Sighs]
1450
01:40:38,575 --> 01:40:41,695
[Whispers]
It's not gonna work.
1451
01:41:10,315 --> 01:41:14,275
♪♪ [ Tempo Increases Rapidly]
1452
01:41:25,330 --> 01:41:28,080
Well, this is crazy.
That's not the way
it was rehearsed.
1453
01:41:28,167 --> 01:41:32,497
- [ Scattered Laughter]
- What is it? What's the matter?
1454
01:41:32,588 --> 01:41:35,168
[ Chattering In Russian ]
1455
01:41:35,257 --> 01:41:37,837
What happened?
[ Chuckling ]
1456
01:41:47,895 --> 01:41:50,265
[Audience Laughing ]
1457
01:41:50,355 --> 01:41:53,435
Borov! Borov!
1458
01:42:04,369 --> 01:42:07,959
Hello.
[ Russian ]
Ed Sullivan.
1459
01:42:10,083 --> 01:42:13,003
[ Russian ]
1460
01:42:13,086 --> 01:42:15,706
[ Crowd Chuckling ]
1461
01:42:19,802 --> 01:42:22,012
[ Laughing ]
1462
01:42:26,058 --> 01:42:29,898
[ Laughing ]
1463
01:42:29,978 --> 01:42:33,858
Bob! Bob!
We'll have to kill some time.
Put the Birdie song back in.
1464
01:42:33,941 --> 01:42:38,491
Got ya, Ed. Take over.
Be prepared for the Birdie spot.
1465
01:42:45,452 --> 01:42:48,712
Albert, "One Last Kiss"
is back in. Find Conrad.
Rosie, get Kim.
1466
01:42:48,831 --> 01:42:52,501
Right.
Put the Birdie spot on stage.
And let's go, go, go!
1467
01:42:55,170 --> 01:42:58,260
[Laughing Continues]
1468
01:43:02,761 --> 01:43:06,061
McAfee, hurry up. Come on.
Let's go. The song is back in.
1469
01:43:06,139 --> 01:43:08,559
What?
Come on!
Let's go!
1470
01:43:24,867 --> 01:43:27,787
[Crowd Laughs]
1471
01:43:32,457 --> 01:43:34,707
Are you crazy, Borov?
1472
01:43:43,468 --> 01:43:45,008
♪♪ [Music Ends]
1473
01:43:45,137 --> 01:43:47,927
[Yelling In Russian ]
[Crowd Laughing, Applauding]
1474
01:43:51,643 --> 01:43:54,353
Aye, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi!
1475
01:43:59,985 --> 01:44:03,235
I've never seen
such speed in dancers.
Thank you, Moscow Ballet...
1476
01:44:03,322 --> 01:44:05,572
for that brilliant and
unexpected bit of burlesque.
1477
01:44:05,657 --> 01:44:10,077
And now, another great treat:
Conrad Birdie. Yee-hoo!
1478
01:44:10,162 --> 01:44:13,172
[ Girls Screaming ]
1479
01:44:19,004 --> 01:44:21,884
[ Hysterical Screaming ]
1480
01:44:32,684 --> 01:44:35,854
- [ Mouthing Words]
- What‒
1481
01:44:38,690 --> 01:44:42,950
[ Sighs ]
On behalf of all the members
of the Sweet Apple chapter...
1482
01:44:43,070 --> 01:44:46,370
of the Conrad Birdie
Fan Club,
[Girls Screaming]
1483
01:44:50,744 --> 01:44:54,124
we wish to express to you
our great pride...
1484
01:44:54,206 --> 01:44:56,286
in your brave deed.
Hiya, Ed.
1485
01:44:56,375 --> 01:44:59,535
- Oh, no.
- [ Mouthing Words]
1486
01:45:01,254 --> 01:45:04,224
Oh, hi. How are ya?
1487
01:45:10,180 --> 01:45:14,640
I wish to convey our deep pride
in your brave deed, namely‒
1488
01:45:14,726 --> 01:45:19,146
As a citizen, I'm proud to have
Conrad defend my... family...
1489
01:45:19,231 --> 01:45:21,571
and the McAfee Fertilizer
Company.
1490
01:45:23,068 --> 01:45:25,148
Conrad, sing.
1491
01:45:26,405 --> 01:45:29,445
♪ Oh, one last kiss ♪
1492
01:45:29,574 --> 01:45:32,244
[ Girls Screaming ]
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1493
01:45:32,327 --> 01:45:36,827
♪ It never felt like this
Nah, baby, not like this ♪
1494
01:45:36,915 --> 01:45:40,835
♪ Ya know
I need your love
Uh, uh, oh ♪
1495
01:45:40,919 --> 01:45:43,709
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1496
01:45:43,797 --> 01:45:46,337
♪ One last kiss ♪
1497
01:45:46,425 --> 01:45:50,175
♪ One more time
Baby, one more time ♪
1498
01:45:50,262 --> 01:45:54,682
♪ It really is sublime
Ah, honey, so sublime ♪
1499
01:45:54,766 --> 01:45:59,516
♪ Ya know
I need your love
Uh, uh, oh ♪
1500
01:45:59,604 --> 01:46:01,444
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1501
01:46:01,523 --> 01:46:03,903
♪ One last kiss ♪
1502
01:46:03,984 --> 01:46:05,904
[ Girls Sighing ]
1503
01:46:05,986 --> 01:46:09,026
♪ Ba-a-a-a-by♪
1504
01:46:09,114 --> 01:46:12,834
♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss♪
1505
01:46:13,910 --> 01:46:17,870
♪ Ba-a-a-a-by♪
1506
01:46:17,956 --> 01:46:20,036
♪ Give me one las‒♪♪
1507
01:46:20,125 --> 01:46:22,415
[ People Gasping ]
1508
01:46:22,502 --> 01:46:25,552
[Crowd Chattering]
1509
01:46:29,051 --> 01:46:32,221
[ Mrs. Peterson ]
Yoo-hoo! Albert!
1510
01:46:32,304 --> 01:46:34,314
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
Albert!
1511
01:46:34,389 --> 01:46:38,809
Albert, I saw it all on TV.
"One Last Kiss" was a disaster.
1512
01:46:38,894 --> 01:46:41,524
Who wants to buy a record
of a guy with a glass jaw?
1513
01:46:41,646 --> 01:46:44,776
Now, will you take Mama's advice
and get out of show business?
I am!
1514
01:46:44,858 --> 01:46:48,238
My song may be dead,
but my chemical formula
works on people.
1515
01:46:48,320 --> 01:46:50,570
Shh. The Russians
may have this place bugged.
1516
01:46:50,655 --> 01:46:54,825
It was Albert's formula
that made the orchestra leader
go that fast.
1517
01:46:54,910 --> 01:46:59,540
My genius! Oh! You gotta
work on my cleaning woman.
She gets a dollar an hour.
1518
01:46:59,664 --> 01:47:02,084
[ Chuckles]
Yeah. Mama‒
1519
01:47:04,044 --> 01:47:07,304
Mama, Rosie and I
are going to Niagara Falls.
1520
01:47:09,007 --> 01:47:11,797
Well...
1521
01:47:12,886 --> 01:47:15,466
it's about time.
1522
01:47:19,226 --> 01:47:22,596
Oh, Mae,
you have to come with us!
1523
01:47:22,687 --> 01:47:25,937
No. I'm one mother who
doesn't mix in. Maude!
1524
01:47:26,024 --> 01:47:28,444
Don't fall in
the pit, Maude.
1525
01:47:29,528 --> 01:47:31,278
[ Clears Throat]
Albert.
Yes?
1526
01:47:31,363 --> 01:47:33,663
I would like to
do things proper,
1527
01:47:33,740 --> 01:47:36,540
so I would like the honor
of becoming your stepfather.
1528
01:47:38,036 --> 01:47:40,906
Is it all right, Albert?
1529
01:47:40,997 --> 01:47:43,247
Mama, with my blessing!
1530
01:47:43,375 --> 01:47:46,495
Oh, I'm so glad,
because we just got married.
Yes.
1531
01:47:47,879 --> 01:47:51,299
- [ Laughs] What a surprise.
- Oh, how exciting.
1532
01:47:51,383 --> 01:47:54,303
Oh, it's beautiful.
Oh, congratulations.
1533
01:47:54,427 --> 01:47:58,137
Thank you very much.
Let's go, Maudie.
We're leaving for Akron.
1534
01:47:58,223 --> 01:48:01,523
Hubby has to open a new bar
and he wants me to throw out
the first beer can.
1535
01:48:01,601 --> 01:48:03,691
[Maude]
Yeah, good-bye, son.
1536
01:48:03,812 --> 01:48:06,692
Niagara Falls is wet,
so take your rubbers!
Bye!
1537
01:48:06,773 --> 01:48:09,823
[Albert] Yes, Mrs. Maude.
How about that Maude
and Mrs. Peterson?
1538
01:48:09,901 --> 01:48:11,991
- Oh, ready here, Albert.
- Be right with you.
1539
01:48:12,070 --> 01:48:16,320
No hurry, partner.
I promise you one thing,
snookums.
1540
01:48:16,408 --> 01:48:19,078
No matter how many millions
I make selling Speed-Up,
1541
01:48:19,161 --> 01:48:22,001
I'll still be
the same humble,
lovable guy.
1542
01:48:22,080 --> 01:48:26,670
And if any of those hicks
try to push me around,
I'll break 'em.
1543
01:48:26,751 --> 01:48:29,171
♪♪ [Piano Run]
1544
01:48:29,254 --> 01:48:32,764
♪ Everything is Rosie ♪
1545
01:48:32,883 --> 01:48:37,183
♪ Since I found my Rosie ♪
Same old words.
1546
01:48:37,262 --> 01:48:41,022
♪ With a girl like Rosie ♪
1547
01:48:41,099 --> 01:48:43,189
[Together]
♪ How could I be blue ♪
1548
01:48:43,268 --> 01:48:45,188
Same eight bars.
Now what?
1549
01:48:45,270 --> 01:48:48,900
♪ Hand in hand we'll mosey ♪
1550
01:48:48,982 --> 01:48:51,192
♪ Me and little Rosie ♪
1551
01:48:52,777 --> 01:48:55,067
♪ We will be so cozy ♪
1552
01:48:55,155 --> 01:48:58,365
♪ By a fire built for two ♪
1553
01:48:58,450 --> 01:49:00,700
Oh, Albert,
you're too much.
1554
01:49:00,785 --> 01:49:04,655
♪ Oh, I once heard a poem
that goes ♪
1555
01:49:04,748 --> 01:49:08,378
♪ "A rose is a rose
is a rose" ♪
1556
01:49:08,460 --> 01:49:12,380
♪ But I don't agree
Take it from me ♪
1557
01:49:12,464 --> 01:49:15,934
♪ There's one Rose sweeter
than any that grows ♪
1558
01:49:16,009 --> 01:49:18,139
♪ And that's my Rosie ♪
1559
01:49:19,262 --> 01:49:22,892
♪ I'm so glad she chose me ♪
1560
01:49:22,974 --> 01:49:25,644
♪ Life is one sweet♪
1561
01:49:25,727 --> 01:49:28,727
♪ Beautiful song to me ♪
1562
01:49:28,813 --> 01:49:32,573
♪ Everything is Hugo ♪
1563
01:49:32,651 --> 01:49:36,401
♪ I will go where you go ♪
1564
01:49:36,488 --> 01:49:40,528
♪ With a boy like Hugo ♪
1565
01:49:40,617 --> 01:49:43,697
♪ How could I be blue ♪
1566
01:49:44,788 --> 01:49:48,458
♪ We will be so cozy ♪
1567
01:49:48,541 --> 01:49:52,421
♪ Just like Al and Rosie ♪
1568
01:49:52,504 --> 01:49:55,264
[Together]
♪ But we're gonna mosey ♪
1569
01:49:55,340 --> 01:49:58,430
♪ In a hot rod built for two ♪
1570
01:50:00,512 --> 01:50:04,392
- ♪ And that's my Rosie ♪
- ♪ Gee, how delighted we'll be ♪
1571
01:50:04,516 --> 01:50:08,556
♪ I'm so glad she chose me ♪
♪ When you are cozy with me ♪
1572
01:50:08,645 --> 01:50:12,815
[Together]
♪ Life is one sweet
beautiful song ♪
1573
01:50:12,899 --> 01:50:17,109
♪ When love is right
then what could be wrong ♪
1574
01:50:17,195 --> 01:50:19,315
♪ Life is one sweet ♪
1575
01:50:19,406 --> 01:50:23,736
♪ Beautiful song to me ♪♪
1576
01:50:23,827 --> 01:50:27,907
♪♪
1577
01:50:27,998 --> 01:50:32,338
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
1578
01:50:32,419 --> 01:50:36,209
♪ The army's got you now ♪
1579
01:50:36,298 --> 01:50:40,638
♪ I'll try, Birdie ♪
1580
01:50:40,719 --> 01:50:45,889
♪ To forget somehow ♪
[ Sighs]
1581
01:50:45,974 --> 01:50:51,024
♪ No more sighing ♪
1582
01:50:51,104 --> 01:50:54,774
♪ Each time
you move those lips ♪
1583
01:50:54,858 --> 01:50:59,238
♪ No more dying ♪
1584
01:50:59,321 --> 01:51:02,821
♪ When you twitch
those hips ♪
1585
01:51:02,907 --> 01:51:06,997
♪ Your swivel and your sway
Your super-duper class ♪
1586
01:51:07,078 --> 01:51:12,168
♪ There's nothing left to say
but, Conrad, you're a gas ♪
1587
01:51:13,835 --> 01:51:18,335
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
1588
01:51:18,423 --> 01:51:22,013
♪ Ta-ta, ol' sweetie pie ♪
1589
01:51:22,093 --> 01:51:26,473
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
1590
01:51:26,556 --> 01:51:30,516
♪ Time for me to fly ♪
1591
01:51:30,602 --> 01:51:34,982
♪ Time for me to fly ♪
1592
01:51:35,065 --> 01:51:40,195
♪ Time to say good-bye ♪♪
1593
01:51:40,278 --> 01:51:42,198
Bye now.
123389
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