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2x01�: The Dundies
by Belkiss, Occeanne et Unfold
http://pmag.f2o.org/theofficeus/
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Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee
world's night here at Dunder Mifflin
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and this is everybody's favorite day,
everybody looks forward to it.
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Because, you know a lot of the people
here don't get trophies very often
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00:00:47,944 --> 00:00:51,624
like Meredith or Kevin. I mean, who's gonna
give Kevin an award�? Dunkin Donuts�?
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Plus, bonus, it's really really funny.
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So I..., you know an employee will go
home, and he'll tell his neighbor�:
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"Hey, did you get an award�?"
And the neighbor will say�:
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"No man, I mean I slave all day,
nobody notices me."
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Next thing you know, employee smells something
terrible coming from the neighbor�s house�:
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Neighbor�s hanged himself,
due to lack of recognition.
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So you're ready for the Dundies�?
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You know what they say about a car wreck
where it's so awful you can't look away�?
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The Dundies are like a car wreck that
you want you have to stare at it,
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because your boss is making you.
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It's fat Halpert
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- What�?
- Fat Halpert, Jim Halpert.
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So why don't I take you on a
tour of past Dundee winners�?
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We got fat Jim Halpert here, Jim why don't
you show off your Dundies to the camera�?
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Oh I can't, because I keep them hidden,
I don't wanna look at them and get cocky.
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- Oh, that's a good idea.
- And mine are at home,
in a display case about my bed.
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TMI, TMI my friend.
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TMI�? Too Much Information.
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It's just easier to say TMI. I used to
say "Don't Go There" but that's lame.
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And here we have Stanley the manly, now
Stanley is a Dundee Allstar, aren�t you
Stan�?
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Why don't you show them some of your bling�?
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I don't know where they are,
I think I threw them out.
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- Oh, no you didn't.
- I think I did.
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Why did...?
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Say, we gotta order some
more appetizers this time.
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- We ran out last year, remember�?
- Yes we should, you know what�?
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I wanted one of those skillets of cheese,
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but when I got on stage,
someone had eaten all of them.
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To Oscar Martinez,
It's the "Show Me The Money" award�!
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Michael has tapped every Dundies Awards,
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and now he's making me look through
hours of footage to find highlights.
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That's the type of song
we're gonna play to the ladies,
Hit it Dwight !
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A little bit of Pam, all night long.
A little bit of Angela, on the sing.
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A little bit of...
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This is the part where Kevin stands in front
of the camcorder all night. It's great.
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- It was you.
- It wasn't lme, I swear.
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So what's the joke ?
You're not perfect either�!
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- We're not laughing at you Dwight�!
- So who are you laughing at�?
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- Just something somebody wrote.
- Who�? Dave Barry�?
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No, no. That was just something that
was written on the ladies room wall.
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What is it�? Who wrote it�?
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- It's kind of private,
- It's about Michael�!
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That is defacement of company
property, so you'd better tell me.
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Kelly, if you tell me,
you'll be punished less.
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- Ok, now I'm laughing at you�!
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Will her highness Jan Levinson Gould be
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descending from her corporate throne
this evening to visit us lowly serfs here,
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Dunder Mifflin Scranton�?
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- It's a two and a half hour drive
from New York Michael.
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- Well, you could take the bus, you could
work on the way here, sleep on the way home.
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- No.
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Come on Jan this is important, I mean,
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this is validation to my employees here
that you and corporate approved of this.
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We don't approve of this Michael.
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You only have the budget for
one office party a year so,
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we're not paying for this.
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- Are you here�?
- Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to
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talk to you for a second about that.
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What..., what is..., I mean, come on Jan�!
You're dropping a A-bomb on me here�!
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- Really�? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you.
- Well, yeah, what is... no you can't�!
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- You allready had a party
on May 5th for no reasons�?
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No reasons�? It was the 05-05-05 party�!
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- And you also had a...
- It happens once every billion years�!
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00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:03,682
- And the tsunami relief fund raiser
with somehow lost a lot of money
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00:05:03,708 --> 00:05:09,523
Ok, no that was a fun raiser, I think I made
that very clear on the flyers. Fun, F-U-N.
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... don't have a tsunami Fun raiser, Michael.
- Well...
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I think a lot of people were
very affected by the footage.
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It's a little character I like to do.
It is loosely based on Karnack,
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one of Carson's classic characters.
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We got... the PLO, the IRA and the
hot-dogs stand behind the warehouse.
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Name 3 businesses that have better
healthcare plans than Dunder Mifflin.
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Here's the problem�: There is
no open bar because of Jan,
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and it's the reason why comedy
clubs have a 2-drink minimum.
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We'll be fine. I just wish
people gonna be drunk.
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- Dwight get out of here what are
you doing into ladies room...?
- No no no, it's not what you're...
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- Why were you in there�?
- You are a pervert�!
- What were you doing in there�?
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- You are a pervert !
- I am not�!
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The Dundee award, for longest engagement,
goes to Pam Beesly, Pam everybody�!
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When will that girl gonna be
married�? That�s what I have to say
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- Oh Roy's accepting�?
- Yes.
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Thank you, you have any words you'd
like to say, at Pam's behalf�?
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- We'll see you next year�!
- Yeah�! Oh nuts�! Oh gosh�!
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- I'm not changing that, that's the best one.
- No it's clear it is, you're right.
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00:06:47,906 --> 00:06:53,323
I just think, world's on disengagement,
we're all expecting it you know�?
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That's why it's funny, every year that Roy
and Pam don't get married it gets funnier�!
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00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:02,922
Well I think if you use the same jokes
it just comes across as lazy.
92
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,003
- Ow, lazy�!
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00:07:07,578 --> 00:07:11,151
Excuse me, everyone, can I
have your attention please�?
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I just wanted to say that the
women in this office are terrible.
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Especially the ones who wrote that stuff
about Michael on the bathroom wall.
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Having a bathroom is a privilege,
it is called a ladies-room for a reason,
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and if you cannot behave like ladies, well
then you are not going to have a bathroom.
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- You're taking away our bathroom�?
- We are going to have 2 men rooms.
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- But where would we go�?
- Be prepared to hold it folks, from 9 AM...
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- Michael�?
- Yes�?
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Dwight is banning us from our bathroom.
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- Ok, well that's ridiculous, just don't...
I don't have time for this right now.
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00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:52,031
- There needs to be repercussions
to people's behavior...
- Don't don't talk don't touch stop it oddment�!
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- Ok, look I know there have been a lot of rumors
flying around about the Dundies this year,
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how there is no money, and how there is
no food, and how the jokes are really bad.
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But what the hell everybody�?
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I mean, god the Dundies are about
the best, in every one of us.
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Can't you see that�? I mean...
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ok, we can do better, so,
tonight, for the first time,
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We are inviting all of your friends and
family to attend the awards with us.
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- Yes�!
- Yeah, not bad right�?
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So let's make this best Dundies ever�!
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Best Dundies ever�!
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Welcome to eighth annual Dundies awards�!
Before we get started, a few announcements�:
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Keep your acceptance speeches shorts,
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I have wrap it up music and I'm
not afraid to use it, Devin.
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The Dundies, how can I explain it�?
A word to auto mated,
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You've all made it
You had a was, you work so hard
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You fell a no, no
This isn't just a name
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00:09:13,815 --> 00:09:15,610
And now the N-O
And he's been says Hello
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00:09:15,865 --> 00:09:18,053
Cut, come on�!
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00:09:18,228 --> 00:09:22,841
The Dundies are kind of like a kid's
birthday party, and you go,
123
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and there's really nothing for you to do there,
but the kid's having a really good time, so,
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you're kind of there.
That's kind of what it's like.
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00:09:32,098 --> 00:09:35,610
... Dundee, you wanted that Dundee...
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- The waitress tripped on the cord.
- All right, joke'o'landed, so we are here,
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Thank you all for coming,
to the 2005 Dundee Awards,
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I am your host, Michael Scott,
and I just want to tell you
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please, please, do not drink and drive, because
you may hit a bump, and spill the drink.
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All the flotties on the group tab.
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00:10:01,046 --> 00:10:05,500
No, actually this year no group tab
we're gonna be doing separate checks�!
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- You said we could bring our families.
- I did, and why didn't you Stanley�?
133
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- I did, my wife's name is Terry.
- Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terry.
134
00:10:19,055 --> 00:10:22,351
It's this person whose hand
I'm holding Michael.
135
00:10:23,458 --> 00:10:26,430
Oh yeah�!
- Shut it�!
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00:10:26,496 --> 00:10:31,842
Good, speaking of relationships,
of all way shapes and forms,
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I was out on a very very hot date
last night with a girl from HR Dwight.
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00:10:37,865 --> 00:10:43,542
- Really�? We don't have any girls from HR.
- Know that, for the sake of the story.
139
00:10:43,707 --> 00:10:48,170
And things were getting hot and heavy,
and I was about to take her bra off,
140
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:45,823
Yeah�!
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When she had me fill out
six hours worth of paper work.
142
00:10:48,255 --> 00:10:48,921
Yeah�!
143
00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:55,670
- Like an AIDS test�?
- No... god.
144
00:10:57,423 --> 00:11:01,496
- All right. So let's get this party started�!
- Hey let's go to Poor Richard's.
145
00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:07,680
- Yeah, let's get out of here.
- Guys, where are you going�?
146
00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:11,786
- Just... Pam shows is getting started.
- Sorry.
147
00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:19,310
- You're staying�?
- Yeah. I have to eat somewhere.
148
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:30,123
- The Busiest Beaver award goes to Phyllis Lapin�!
Way to go Phyllis�! Nice work�! Per usual�!
149
00:11:30,195 --> 00:11:35,132
- This says bushiest beaver.
- What�? I told them busiest... idiots�!
150
00:11:35,147 --> 00:11:37,860
- It's fine,
- Well we can fix it, we'll fix it up�!
151
00:11:37,936 --> 00:11:39,021
You don't have to display that.
152
00:11:39,056 --> 00:11:41,830
- Because that's what happen every time�!
- He's a jackass, every year�!
153
00:11:41,877 --> 00:11:45,141
- Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's.
- No, I don't want go I don't want to�!
154
00:11:45,315 --> 00:11:45,663
Pam�!
155
00:11:45,665 --> 00:11:47,953
If you would have asked me
that then you would know�!
156
00:11:48,618 --> 00:11:50,532
Herro everybodeeee.
157
00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:55,463
Hey�! How are you�? I thought you'd left.
158
00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:59,421
No, I decided to stay. I'll just
get a ride home from Angela.
159
00:12:01,317 --> 00:12:03,690
Jan Levinson Gould�!
160
00:12:03,726 --> 00:12:05,932
- Good I'm just in time for Ping�!
- Yeah
161
00:12:10,487 --> 00:12:12,171
You know what I'm talking about�!
162
00:12:12,217 --> 00:12:13,263
Can I get a drink�?
163
00:12:17,985 --> 00:12:23,062
This next award goes to somebody
who really lights up the office.
164
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:28,620
Somebody who I think a lot of
us cannot keep from checking out.
165
00:12:28,758 --> 00:12:32,920
The hottest, in the office award goes to...
166
00:12:33,428 --> 00:12:35,952
Ryan the temp�!
167
00:12:42,885 --> 00:12:43,971
Here you go�!
168
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,272
What am I going to do with the award�?
169
00:12:57,956 --> 00:13:01,583
Nothing, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
170
00:13:02,207 --> 00:13:05,031
That's the least of my concerns right now.
171
00:13:05,257 --> 00:13:10,122
And the Tight Ass award goes to Angela,
172
00:13:10,216 --> 00:13:16,473
not only because she is everybody's favorite
stickler, but because she has a great caboose�!
173
00:13:18,127 --> 00:13:22,013
- So come on down�!
- No.
174
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,160
I think those might be empty.
175
00:13:31,326 --> 00:13:34,773
No, no �cause the ice melts,
and then it's like second drink�!
176
00:13:35,976 --> 00:13:37,340
Second drink�?
177
00:13:38,466 --> 00:13:43,003
The spicy curry award goes to our
very own Kelly Kapoor�!
178
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:44,700
Get on up here�!
179
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,750
There you go�!
180
00:13:47,365 --> 00:13:49,331
- Spicy curry, what's that mean�?
181
00:13:49,407 --> 00:13:51,401
- Not everything means something,
this is a joke.
182
00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:54,321
- Yeah, but why did you give it to me�?
- I don't know, I'd just...
183
00:13:54,386 --> 00:13:57,443
- This is a bowler�!
- I know�! They didn't have
any businessmen so...
184
00:13:57,576 --> 00:13:59,861
- Yeah but everyone else...
- Just sit down Kelly.
185
00:14:04,035 --> 00:14:05,550
It's so freakin' hot in there.
186
00:14:05,656 --> 00:14:09,103
ow I know what Bob Hope was going
through when he performed in Saudi Arabia
187
00:14:09,775 --> 00:14:12,563
I got Dwight, sucking the
funny out of room, but,
188
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:16,541
you know, you do what you can do...
here we go, he's early with the cue�!
189
00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:17,991
Got to go�!
190
00:14:18,406 --> 00:14:19,202
("Tiny Dancer" - Elton John)
191
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:22,000
"You have won a tiny Dundie."
192
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:26,990
- Sing it Elton !
- Hey thanks guys�!
193
00:14:27,047 --> 00:14:30,062
- Hey where you guys from�?
- We has came from your mama's house.
194
00:14:30,157 --> 00:14:31,341
Hey guys can I finish that�?
195
00:14:33,556 --> 00:14:34,843
Sing on a song dude�!
196
00:14:34,846 --> 00:14:38,771
You know what guys we're just having
a little office party so if you wanna...
197
00:14:38,856 --> 00:14:46,480
- Hey�! You know cool it guys�!
- You suck man�! You suck�!
198
00:14:49,795 --> 00:14:52,780
Let's cut it�!
199
00:14:55,436 --> 00:15:02,572
I've a few more Dundies to give out tonight,
but I'm just gonna cut it short, and rapid up.
200
00:15:02,618 --> 00:15:05,791
So everybody can enjoy their food.
201
00:15:06,036 --> 00:15:09,330
Thanks for listening,
those of you who listened.
202
00:15:09,795 --> 00:15:11,551
This last Dundee is for Kevin,
203
00:15:11,556 --> 00:15:15,190
this is the "don't go in there after me"
award, it's for the time that
204
00:15:15,326 --> 00:15:21,012
I went to the bathroom after him and
it was really, really smelly, so.
205
00:15:23,875 --> 00:15:24,971
Here you go.
206
00:15:31,085 --> 00:15:38,220
Yeah Kevin, for Kevin,
for stinking up the bathroom�!
207
00:15:40,926 --> 00:15:45,141
- Hey I haven't gotten one yet�!
- Yes, I have not gotten one either�!
208
00:15:45,186 --> 00:15:47,363
So keep going�!
- More Dundies�!
209
00:15:47,385 --> 00:15:52,720
Dundies�! - Dundies�!
210
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:56,022
All right, we'll keep 'em rolling.
211
00:15:56,027 --> 00:16:01,931
This is the fine work award, this goes to
Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year.
212
00:16:02,217 --> 00:16:03,913
You know you did�!
213
00:16:05,857 --> 00:16:08,763
Speech-speech-speech-speech
214
00:16:08,796 --> 00:16:14,052
Well, last year I got great
work, so I don't know...
215
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:16,842
I don't know what to think about this award,
216
00:16:16,998 --> 00:16:21,301
but at least I didn't get smelliest
bow movement like Kevin�!
217
00:16:25,016 --> 00:16:28,771
And this next award is going
out to our own little Pam Beesly,
218
00:16:28,776 --> 00:16:32,091
I think we all know what award
Pam is gonna be getting this year,
219
00:16:32,136 --> 00:16:39,061
It is the whitest sneakers award, because
she always has the whitest tennis shoes on�!
220
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:45,530
Get on down here�! Pam Beesly
ladies and gentlemen�! Here we go�!
221
00:16:47,265 --> 00:16:51,500
I have so many people
to thank for this award�!
222
00:16:52,227 --> 00:16:59,352
Ok, first off, my Keds, because I couldn't
have done it without them, thank you.
223
00:16:59,498 --> 00:17:05,852
Let's give Michael a round of applause for
MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks,
224
00:17:06,376 --> 00:17:09,272
and also because of Dwight too.
225
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:14,300
Finally I want to thank God,
226
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:18,251
because God gave me this Dundee,
227
00:17:18,396 --> 00:17:22,322
and I feel God in this Chili's tonight.
228
00:17:24,787 --> 00:17:29,510
Pam Beesly ladies and
gentlemen�! Ow, thank you�!
229
00:17:41,176 --> 00:17:43,292
What a great year for the Dundies�!
230
00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:48,723
We got to see Ping, and we learned Michael's
true feelings for Ryan, which was touching.
231
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:54,481
And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a
number of classic songs, which for me,
232
00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,632
has ruined them for life�!
233
00:17:58,568 --> 00:18:00,672
- What�?
- Nothing.
234
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:04,260
- Okay.
- What�?
235
00:18:04,328 --> 00:18:06,292
I don't know, what�?
236
00:18:07,005 --> 00:18:12,510
Oh my god�! You are so
drunk�! Did you get that�?
237
00:18:12,566 --> 00:18:15,411
Please tell me that you got,
this is all gonna be on.
238
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:19,152
- It's ok I'm a sheriff's deputy.
- Well, he's volunteer�!
239
00:18:19,177 --> 00:18:20,342
Don't get into that now.
240
00:18:20,357 --> 00:18:23,873
We need something
to caution her head, throw a pillow, a cush�?
241
00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:25,170
- Dwight come on�!
- I'm gonna use my shirt.
242
00:18:25,197 --> 00:18:26,882
- Get off of me�!
- No�!
243
00:18:27,135 --> 00:18:30,481
- I'm sorry, sir, you gotta have to put
your clothes back. We're trying to eat...
244
00:18:30,496 --> 00:18:33,512
Was this year's Dundies a
success�? Well, let me see�:
245
00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:37,422
I made Pam laugh so hard that she fell out
of her chair and she almost broke her neck.
246
00:18:37,688 --> 00:18:40,020
So I killed, almost�!
247
00:18:40,885 --> 00:18:46,350
Oh my god�! I just wanna say that
this was the best Dundies ever�!
248
00:18:50,007 --> 00:18:52,691
We have a strict policy here, not oversunk.
249
00:18:52,806 --> 00:18:56,670
Apparently this young woman was
sneaking drinks off other people's tables.
250
00:18:56,727 --> 00:19:02,121
Eyes at her officer driver's license and she is
not welcome at this restaurant chains ever again�!
251
00:19:03,126 --> 00:19:04,730
- Great work tonight�!
- Watch your step�!
252
00:19:04,756 --> 00:19:05,742
Excellent.
253
00:19:05,788 --> 00:19:10,403
Thanks, I do check her pupils to
make sure that wasn't a concoction.
254
00:19:10,456 --> 00:19:15,063
Yes that too but I mean
with the audio, great work�!
255
00:19:18,045 --> 00:19:21,340
I feel bad about what I wrote
on the bathroom wall.
256
00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:22,821
No you don't.
257
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:33,792
Oh, here she is. Careful.
All right, easy. Almost there.
258
00:19:33,927 --> 00:19:40,653
- Hey hum, can I ask you a question�?
- Shoot.
259
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:52,053
- I just wanted to say thanks.
- That's not really a question.
260
00:19:52,368 --> 00:19:54,740
Ok let's get you home, come.
261
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:01,823
- Good bye.
- Good night, have a good night.
262
00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:03,292
Thank you Angela�!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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