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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Created and Encoded by -- Bokutox -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. 2 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:48,422 ...some Dutch, some Indians and some beads. 3 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:22,748 And those beads led to steamboats and skyscrapers... 4 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,542 ...Wall Street and electric lights... 5 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:29,421 ...newspapers, Ellis Island, the Yankees... 6 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,674 ...Central Park and the first World's Fair... 7 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:37,221 ...Broadway, the Chrysler Building and Studio 54. 8 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,557 I like to think of that as New York City B.C.: 9 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:41,892 Before Carrie. 10 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,687 Hi, guys. 11 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,109 I arrived on this island at exactly 3:30 p.m... 12 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:54,404 ...on Tuesday, June 11th, 1986. 13 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,496 Oh. Oh! 14 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:06,291 Cab! Cab, cab, cab! Taxi! Ca--! 15 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,671 It seems like only yesterday. 16 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,464 Taxi! 17 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:13,882 Thank you. 18 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:22,224 The very next year, I met Charlotte. 19 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:30,357 We were on a subway car at 2 a.m. when a homeless man dropped his pants. 20 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:46,456 Miranda and I met in 1989 at Bloomingdale's. 21 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,667 I was working in the dress department. 22 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:52,045 She was crying in the changing room. 23 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,133 -Hey. -Hey. 24 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,634 Hi. How are you? 25 00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:03,473 I met Samantha when she was bartending at CBGB's. 26 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,268 [CAR HORN HONKING] 27 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,686 [YELLS] 28 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:11,732 -Bite me! MAN: My place or yours? 29 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,236 -Hi. -How are you? 30 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,572 SAMANTHA: Let's go. 31 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:19,948 Hi. 32 00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,283 Ready? 33 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,868 Time is a funny thing. 34 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,705 A decade can flash by in an uneventful second. 35 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:33,337 And then, in just two years, monumental things can happen. 36 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:36,840 Things you couldn't imagine happening in a million years. 37 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,218 Welcome to Bergdorf Goodman. May I help you? 38 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,303 Yes, our friend is getting married. 39 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,223 -I never thought I'd see this day. -You and me both. 40 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,724 Hell just froze over. 41 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,019 -What's the name? -Oh, Blatch. It's Stanford Blatch. 42 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:52,481 Actually, I think they're registered under both names. 43 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:56,652 Her best gay friend is marrying my best gay friend. 44 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:58,528 -That's wonderful. -I know. 45 00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,822 -Let me get the registry. -Thanks. 46 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,700 How did this even happen? I thought they hated each other. 47 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:07,829 It's like musical chairs. The music stopped and they were the last two left standing. 48 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:12,125 When you thought everyone you knew was too old to get married, here come the gays. 49 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:27,140 And so, one weekend, we all gathered at a charming inn in Connecticut... 50 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,518 ...where the view was breathtaking... 51 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,853 ...and the wedding was legal. 52 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,401 How's my tie? 53 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,699 -How's my tie? -Wow. 54 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,618 You didn't tell me you were wearing that. 55 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:49,204 Well, I am the best man. 56 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,373 Oh, and you need a little help here. 57 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:55,669 So is a gay wedding shorter or longer than a straight wedding? 58 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,547 -Why? -Just wanna know what I'm in for. 59 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,425 Well, I think the marriage ceremony is about the same... 60 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:05,762 ...but I have no idea how long the sacrificing of the straight men will take. 61 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,432 There you go. 62 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:12,728 Don't make me look too good. Gay wedding. 63 00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:16,690 Will you please stop referring to this as a gay wedding? 64 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,401 Well, isn't it a gay wedding? 65 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,571 Well, yes, but it's not just a gay wedding. 66 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,406 It's Stanford and Anthony's wedding. 67 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,825 -Mm. Got it. -Mm-hm. 68 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:31,955 Whoops. Your fly is down. 69 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,667 Better let me. These things can be tricky. 70 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,544 [ZIPPER ZIPS] 71 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:40,005 You did not pull it up. 72 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:44,176 I have to be there in an hour. I'm the best man. 73 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,553 Then I better do my best. 74 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,847 Don't wanna be late to my first gay wedding. 75 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,099 This is not a gay wedding. 76 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,934 Wasting time talking. 77 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,063 [CHEERING] 78 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,278 MAN: Oh, come on, you're not gonna. 79 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:07,908 CHOIR [SINGING]: If ever I would leave you 80 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:12,579 It wouldn't be in summer 81 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:16,124 Seeing you in summer 82 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:19,127 Okay, it's a gay wedding. 83 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:25,967 Your hair streaked with sunlight 84 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,178 Hey. 85 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,971 -Hey. -Hello. 86 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,849 -White enough? -This is what it looks like... 87 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,976 ...when you stare directly into the sun. 88 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,895 Well, I think it's beautiful. 89 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,023 Oh, this wedding is way more than beautiful. 90 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,233 It's Lady Di. 91 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,445 -Mommy, can I go look at the swans? CHARLOTTE: Yes, honey. 92 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,656 Sure, baby. Stay where we can see you, okay? 93 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,324 -Right there. LILY: Hi, swans. 94 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:52,828 CHARLOTTE: Oh, there's Samantha. Hey. -You brought your dog? 95 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:56,915 It's a gay wedding. I figured, what's one more little bitch with an attitude? 96 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,251 You guys, shouldn't we be a little bit more PC? 97 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,002 ANTHONY: Char! 98 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,212 Anthony! Hey. 99 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,672 Can you believe this place? 100 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,508 It looks like the Snow Queen exploded. 101 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,427 -How's that for PC? -True. 102 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,846 So you're not the wedding planner? 103 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:14,182 Hell to the no. I pulled out when Stanford mentioned swans. 104 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:18,520 Finally, I just threw up my arms, whatever he wants, give it to him. 105 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:19,688 Aw. 106 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,691 Yep, Stanford gets the wedding of his dreams and I get to cheat. 107 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,861 And don't give me that face, Char. 108 00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:29,573 Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I have to change who I am. 109 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:32,075 So you're allowed to cheat because you're gay? 110 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,368 No, because I'm Italian. 111 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,744 [CHUCKLES] 112 00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:36,621 Carrie, Stanford's looking for you. 113 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:37,956 Cute hat. 114 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,374 MAN: Anthony. ANTHONY: Coming. 115 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:42,002 I don't get it. Why get married if you're gonna cheat? 116 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:46,089 Well, he didn't say he was going to cheat, he just said he was allowed to cheat. 117 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,466 Is that how you heard it? 118 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:51,511 -Well, it's not really any of our business. -Except, he told us. 119 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:56,057 I'm just saying, I think every couple has the right to make their own rules. 120 00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:58,810 Well, not really. It's marriage. 121 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,856 -Hey, who wants a cocktail? -Oh, I do. 122 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,692 And see if they have any food. I need a little nosh. 123 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,820 Eight years later, she's finally a Jew. 124 00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:18,747 CHOIR: There were bells on a hill 125 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:22,584 Oh, Stanny. You're wearing white. 126 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,085 Like a virgin. 127 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,463 Touched for the very first time. 128 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,341 Hi. 129 00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:32,802 So, what do you think of everything? 130 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,179 You have swans. 131 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,933 -Too much? -When are swans ever too much? 132 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,018 I don't know what came over me. 133 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,062 Remember that summer when I got hooked on coke? 134 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,772 -Mm. -This was like that. 135 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,774 Well, you dropped quite a bundle. 136 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,528 Well, I've been saving for this day since I was 19. 137 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,655 You always knew you were gonna get married? 138 00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:55,534 Yes. I just thought it would be to a chubby, patient Jewish girl. 139 00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:00,372 FYI, Anthony's out there telling people he's allowed to cheat. 140 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,082 I know. 141 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:05,460 He hates the tradition so he pushes against it. 142 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,046 So he is allowed to cheat? 143 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,508 Yes, but only in the 45 states where we're not legally married. 144 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,135 Okay, now you do mine. 145 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,682 "Carrie Preston"? 146 00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:21,560 What? 147 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:26,856 Nothing, I'm just surprised not to be "Bradshaw" at your wedding. 148 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:33,154 The wedding planner said that couples are always listed under their married names. 149 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,906 Oh, that makes sense. 150 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,658 Are you taking Anthony's name? 151 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,827 No. We're guys. 152 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:42,998 "Guys"? Have you seen yourself in the mirror, Lady Dior? 153 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:44,374 [CHUCKLES] 154 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,167 Bitch. 155 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:50,171 -Hey, did anybody send up my, um--? -Oh. 156 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:54,342 Now, the boutonniere may say "Preston." 157 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,345 But the hat... 158 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,771 ...says "Bradshaw." 159 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,737 Sunrise, sunset 160 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:16,781 Sunrise, sunset 161 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:23,371 Swiftly flow the days 162 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:30,462 Seedlings turn overnight To sunflowers 163 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:37,093 Blossoming even as we gaze 164 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:40,305 Sunrise, sunset 165 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,807 Who's that hot straight guy with Carrie? 166 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,269 -That's Anthony's brother, Nicky. -How can you tell that he's straight? 167 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,313 It's a gift. 168 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,744 Could this wedding get any gayer? 169 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,247 Look who's marrying them. 170 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,083 MAN: Oh, my-- 171 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,292 [PEOPLE GASPING] 172 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,794 Sunrise, sunset 173 00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,754 Why would Liza say yes to this? 174 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,047 It's a law of physics. 175 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:18,468 Any time there's this much gay energy in one room, Liza manifests. 176 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,095 [LAUGHS] 177 00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:23,682 Another 178 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,769 Laden with happiness 179 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:32,899 And tears 180 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:41,783 CARRIE: A little while later, it was time for Stanford and Anthony to exchange vows. 181 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:47,497 And now, the brooms have written their own v-- "Brooms"? 182 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,916 Bride, groom. Broom. 183 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,336 Oh, broom. Oh, that's marvelous. 184 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,214 Thank you, Liza Minnelli. 185 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,924 [LAUGHING] 186 00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,592 Quiet, now. 187 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,302 Weddings are serious. 188 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,681 At least that's what I've heard. 189 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:13,148 "It was not exactly love at first sight. 190 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:14,315 [PEOPLE LAUGHING] 191 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,530 But it turns out, it was love. 192 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:25,869 You are the first man to accept me... 193 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,333 ...for the man that I actually am." 194 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,670 That's the thing about tradition. 195 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:39,007 Like it or not, it sneaks in. 196 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,135 Mazeltov! 197 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,305 MINNELLI: Congratulations. 198 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,016 [MUSIC PLAYING] 199 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:53,188 -[SINGING] All the single ladies -[SINGING] All the single ladies 200 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,565 -All the single ladies -All the single ladies 201 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,984 All the single ladies Now put your hands up 202 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:00,528 Up in the club We just broke up 203 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,031 I'm doing my own little thing 204 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,700 You decided to dip But now you wanna trip 205 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,620 'Cause another guy noticed me 206 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,705 I'm up on him He's up on me 207 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,208 Don't pay him any attention 208 00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,627 Cried my tears Three good years 209 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,129 Can't be mad at me 210 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,715 'Cause if you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 211 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,092 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 212 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,678 Don't be mad Once you see that he wants it 213 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,139 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 214 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,974 Whoa, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh 215 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,894 Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh 216 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,605 Whoa, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 217 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,274 Whoa, oh Oh, oh, oh 218 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:43,279 Don't treat me to the things Of the world 219 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:45,281 I'm not that kind of girl 220 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,617 Hey. How's everything? 221 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,577 Fine. Rose is giving her a hard time. 222 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,246 Should I go up to the room? 223 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,415 What was the point of bringing the nanny out here, then? 224 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,919 -Is everything okay? -Yeah, Rose is just driving us a little crazy. 225 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:02,757 No, not crazy. She's just a little fussy. Everything's fine. 226 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,176 MINNELLI [SINGING]: If you don't you'll be alone 227 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:11,933 And like a ghost I'll be gone 228 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,352 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 229 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,855 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 230 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,440 Don't be mad Once you see that he wants it 231 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,277 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 232 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:24,445 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 233 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,865 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring on it 234 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,325 Don't be mad Once you see that he wants it 235 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:32,579 If you liked it Then you should've put a ring 236 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:38,918 Oh, ohh, ohhhh 237 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:40,712 Good luck. 238 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,469 [CHEERING] 239 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,055 Now I know why we got married. 240 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,808 So we wouldn't have to dance to that song at weddings. 241 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,061 That the only reason? 242 00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:58,563 Yeah. 243 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,398 [LAUGHS] 244 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:04,027 -I have to try on your crown. -Oh, you have to. 245 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:05,236 [PHONE CHIMES] 246 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:06,821 I'm sorry. 247 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:10,241 -Hey, I'm kissing here. -I have to. It's from him. 248 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,827 It's Saturday. You're at a wedding. 249 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,662 Did I mention that he hates me? 250 00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,581 Who would dare hate you? 251 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:21,044 The new senior law partner at her firm. He rides her ass nonstop. 252 00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,587 -Why? MIRANDA: No idea. 253 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,881 It's like he can't stand the sound of my voice. 254 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,675 Every time I open my mouth, he shuts me down. 255 00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,595 Sometimes he holds his hand up like this: 256 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:34,057 -Ew! -Yeah. He hates me less over e-mail. 257 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,977 How's it going? 258 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:41,147 Good. Thanks. 259 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,857 Enjoy. 260 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,025 You have a nice night. 261 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,693 You have a nice night. 262 00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,378 -Thank you. -A guy just hit on me. 263 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,213 Really? 264 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,924 How's it make you feel? 265 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,301 Like I still got it. 266 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,387 You most certainly do. 267 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:15,223 -So sorry to bother you. I'm sorry. -Sorry. 268 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,308 -I'm so sorry to bother you. -It's okay. 269 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,979 I've just been reading your books for years and your column. 270 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,940 I swear, we had the exact same dating life. 271 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,401 -Wow. MAN: Cut to the chase, Ellen. 272 00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:27,735 She means she is you. 273 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,570 I am. I am you. 274 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:34,450 Well, in that case, may I introduce you to your husband, John James Preston. 275 00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:35,910 -Hi. -Good to meet you. 276 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,912 -Hey. -How long have you been married? 277 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:42,125 Well, it'll be two years next month. 278 00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,585 We're married two years next month as well. 279 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:47,088 -Wow. You are me. ELLEN: I guess. 280 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,633 We're expecting a baby, and get this: the due date is our anniversary. 281 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:55,138 Well, I'm not pregnant. Well, I guess that's obvious. 282 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,682 -Surrogate. -Wow. Congratulations. 283 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,350 MAN: You guys have kids? 284 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,936 If you need a surrogate service, ours was flawless. 285 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:06,107 Oh, no, thanks. It's not a surrogate situation. We're just not having children. 286 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:07,942 You don't want kids? 287 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,944 Well, no, we love them. 288 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,529 It's just not for us. 289 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:16,409 So it's going to be just... 290 00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:17,618 ...you two? 291 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,874 Uh, but she does have a new book coming out next month. 292 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,626 Great. Great. And what's that about? 293 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,462 Marriage. 294 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,757 Well.... 295 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,051 Have a nice night. 296 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:42,393 And all this time I thought Samantha was my publicist. 297 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:46,064 I had to say something. She looked like someone told her there was no Santa. 298 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,816 May I have your attention, please? 299 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:54,655 My son and his husband would like to ask all couples to join them on the dance floor. 300 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,407 Oh, that's very nice, dear. 301 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,076 Ohhh. 302 00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,535 [PIANO PLAYING] 303 00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:02,497 You're done. We're going to dance. 304 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,833 Fake to the right. Nice. 305 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:12,173 I'm done. I'm done. I'm done! 306 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,175 Dance me. 307 00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:17,345 May I have the honor, Mrs. Goldenblatt? 308 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,388 You most certainly may. 309 00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:20,681 WOMAN [SINGING]: Sad sensation 310 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,767 Lately I've not slept a wink 311 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,520 CHARLOTTE: Come on, honey. HARRY: Come on, sweetie. 312 00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,730 CHARLOTTE: Let's go dance. 313 00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:31,567 Care to dance? 314 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,028 Just us two? 315 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,281 [LAUGHING] 316 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,659 Samantha, you look amazing. 317 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,411 Oh, yes, you do. What have you had done? 318 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:46,374 Nothing. I'm 100 percent natural. 319 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,876 I'm serious. I need names. 320 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,426 -Gentlemen. -I heard that. 321 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,060 You looked pretty hot out there before. Wanna dance again? 322 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:10,231 I can think of so many other more fun things I'd rather do with you. 323 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,318 -I'm Nicky. -Samantha. 324 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:15,987 Nice to meet you, Samantha. 325 00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:18,906 What do you do for a living, Nicky? 326 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,409 -I lay concrete. -That sounds promising. 327 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,538 SAMANTHA: Yeah. Yeah! NICKY: Yeah! 328 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,039 SAMANTHA: Yeah! NICKY: Yeah! 329 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:29,083 SAMANTHA: Yeah! NICKY: Yeah! 330 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,501 SAMANTHA: Yeah! MAN: What the--? 331 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,378 SAMANTHA: Yeah. NICKY: Yeah. 332 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:33,629 SAMANTHA: Yeah. NICKY: Yeah. 333 00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:36,257 SAMANTHA: Yeah. NICKY: Yeah. 334 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,427 [SAMANTHA & NICKY YELLING] 335 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,766 [ROSE CRYING] 336 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,269 CHARLOTTE: Rose, come on, now. Come on, now. Sleepy time. 337 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,937 Rose. Come on. 338 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,607 Rose, Rose, Rose. 339 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:54,442 -Please? -Good. Good. Here? 340 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,235 Let's go sleepy. 341 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,945 Please, Rose? 342 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,406 Come on, come on. 343 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,162 SAMANTHA: Yeah! NICKY: Yeah! 344 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,622 SAMANTHA: Yeah! NICKY: Yeah! 345 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,624 SAMANTHA: Yeah! NICKY: Yeah! 346 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,375 [ROSE CONTINUES CRYING] 347 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,711 SAMANTHA: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 348 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,714 -I don't know which is worse. -Samantha. 349 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,717 The baby will tire eventually. 350 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,969 Let's get a little white noise. 351 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:29,477 MAN 1 [ON TV]: Right from your home. Amnesty International. 352 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,312 MAN 2: Visit any location. Lumber Liquid-- 353 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,814 WOMAN: Where do you want to--? 354 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,108 -Jackpot. COLBERT: Do you mind if I try? 355 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,319 A little black-and-white noise. 356 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:41,781 It Happened One Night. 357 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:43,658 CARRIE: Never seen it. 358 00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:47,328 Well, kid, you are in for a treat. 359 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,747 Climb up in here. 360 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,667 GABLE: What are you gonna do? 361 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:55,211 A system all my own. 362 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,303 Oh, that's shocking. 363 00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:05,513 For the '30s, it was. 364 00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:11,519 Did you see it when it opened originally? 365 00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:17,024 Aren't you going to give me a little credit? 366 00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,068 CARRIE: She's pretty. 367 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,904 She's got nothing on you. 368 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,615 CARRIE: There Big and I were... 369 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:29,787 ...somewhere between wild sex and a baby. 370 00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:34,375 -Hey, you. -Hey, how are you? 371 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,630 MAN 1: Hi, guys. MAN 2: How are you? 372 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,385 CARRIE: Thanks. 373 00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:47,388 -Ready to order? -Um, I think we'll wait for our friend. 374 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:48,597 WAITRESS: Okay. Yup. MIRANDA: Thanks. 375 00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:52,059 MAN: Okay. Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah. -That's a whole lot of health. 376 00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:53,811 -How many are there? -Forty-four. 377 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:57,231 I'm on the one-a-day Fruity Pebbles plan. 378 00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,900 Women our age shouldn't joke about vitamins. 379 00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:03,112 Women who are not our age shouldn't say "women our age." 380 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,240 -Yeah. -Well, one day very soon you will thank me. 381 00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:08,743 I am leading the way through the menopause maze. 382 00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:13,581 With my vitamins, my melatonin sleep patches, my bioidentical estrogen cream... 383 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,584 ...progesterone cream, a touch of testosterone-- 384 00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:19,128 -She's the hormone whisperer. -I am. 385 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:22,173 I've tricked my body into thinking it's younger. 386 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:25,509 I've tricked my body into thinking it's thinner. Spanx. 387 00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:29,138 And I'm telling you, no hot flashes, no mood swings... 388 00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:32,266 ...and my sex drive, it's right back to where it was. 389 00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:36,062 -Really? Hadn't heard. -Where are you getting your information? 390 00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:39,315 From Suzanne Somers and her team of doctors. 391 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,442 I'll get you a copy. It's a revelation. 392 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:45,112 You're taking medical advice from the woman who invented the ThighMaster? 393 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,323 Damn right. Have you seen my thighs? 394 00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:49,325 Okay, go ahead, laugh. It's working. 395 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:52,995 By the time you ladies are 50, I'll be 35. 396 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:56,040 CHARLOTTE: Take Mommy's hand. -Oh, here she is. 397 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:58,376 I thought it was just gonna be the four of us. 398 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,211 Don't worry, the nanny will be here. 399 00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,546 Harry's just not back from playing golf. 400 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:03,964 CARRIE: Oh, here. 401 00:23:04,132 --> 00:23:06,133 Let me hold that pretty little morning Rose. 402 00:23:06,301 --> 00:23:07,885 ROSE: No. No. -Okay, no sale. 403 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:10,221 She just learned the word "no." 404 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,391 Good for her. We're hoping Samantha learns it one of these days. 405 00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:15,434 -Terrible twos. -She's not terrible. 406 00:23:15,602 --> 00:23:18,646 No, of course, she's not terrible. The terrible twos are terrible. 407 00:23:18,814 --> 00:23:19,980 Right. 408 00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:22,817 She's in the "I only want Mommy" phase. 409 00:23:22,984 --> 00:23:23,984 And me and Erin. 410 00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:27,321 That's right. Just you and me and Erin. 411 00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:30,157 -Who's Erin? -Her nanny. 412 00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:32,118 How are you gonna swallow all those? 413 00:23:32,285 --> 00:23:33,661 Have we met? 414 00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:36,997 Erin! 415 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,847 -Good morning, ladies. -Morning. 416 00:23:53,014 --> 00:23:55,599 I hear it was quite the glorious wedding. 417 00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:58,018 [IN IRISH ACCENT] It was. 418 00:23:58,186 --> 00:24:00,396 ERIN: Oh, and you must be the famous Samantha. 419 00:24:00,564 --> 00:24:02,857 It's a pleasure to finally meet you. 420 00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:05,693 Now, I know a little girl... 421 00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:09,572 ...who would just love to practice her cartwheels on the lawn. 422 00:24:09,739 --> 00:24:11,240 LILY: Yay. ERIN: Yay. 423 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,701 CHARLOTTE: Do you have the sunblock? 424 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,036 ERIN: Come to me, you little pet. 425 00:24:16,204 --> 00:24:17,538 There you go. 426 00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:21,041 -Yes. -You have yourselves a lovely morning. 427 00:24:21,209 --> 00:24:23,043 MIRANDA: You too. CHARLOTTE: Thanks, Erin. 428 00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:26,255 -Oh, that is so sweet. -I know. 429 00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,132 That's your nanny? 430 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:29,592 Yes, that's Erin. 431 00:24:29,759 --> 00:24:31,260 You mean Erin Go Braless. 432 00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:34,221 Ha, ha. She doesn't wear a bra. 433 00:24:34,389 --> 00:24:37,391 -Was she wearing a bra at the job interview? -I don't know. 434 00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:40,728 I was too busy thinking about her degree in Children's Education... 435 00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:43,731 -...and how much the girls liked her. -Her tits never came up? 436 00:24:43,899 --> 00:24:46,609 No, her tits never came up. 437 00:24:46,776 --> 00:24:49,570 -And she's amazing. SAMANTHA: Well, I'm sure she is. 438 00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:53,824 But, honey, there ought to be a law against hiring a nanny that looks like that. 439 00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:55,659 Yeah, the Jude Law. 440 00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:58,162 [LAUGHING] 441 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:00,539 WAITRESS: Are we ready? MIRANDA: Yes, I think so. 442 00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:01,957 LILY: One, two, three! HARRY: Yeah, go! 443 00:25:03,543 --> 00:25:08,506 That's a good girl! One more time! 444 00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:20,142 It seems it wasn't only the children that were captivated by Charlotte's Irish nanny... 445 00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:22,603 ...and her lucky charms. 446 00:25:30,237 --> 00:25:34,615 And later that day, Big and I arrived home. 447 00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:41,997 BIG: Hot in here. CARRIE: Yeah. 448 00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:44,917 I'll get the air in the bedroom. 449 00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:46,919 -You get the living room. -Okay. 450 00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:50,130 After Big and I sold the extravagant rooftop penthouse... 451 00:25:50,298 --> 00:25:52,174 ...we thought we were meant to live in... 452 00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:55,928 ...we decided that maybe we needed to come a little more down to earth. 453 00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:57,137 So we did. 454 00:25:57,305 --> 00:25:59,640 Twelve floors, to be exact. 455 00:26:00,475 --> 00:26:01,892 We may be closer to earth... 456 00:26:05,814 --> 00:26:09,108 ...but we kept a little bit of heaven. 457 00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:33,340 MAN [ON TV]: We've got excellent panels, some of the best blinds.... 458 00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:37,886 It's 4:30. Where should I make reservations? Any cravings? 459 00:26:38,054 --> 00:26:40,389 Don't we have anything to eat here? 460 00:26:41,349 --> 00:26:42,975 Nothing? 461 00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:47,396 Come on. You knew when you married me I was more Coco Chanel than coq au vin. 462 00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:48,856 Let's just order in. 463 00:26:49,024 --> 00:26:50,733 We ordered in two nights last week. 464 00:26:51,651 --> 00:26:53,193 BIG: Well, we've been out all weekend. 465 00:26:55,071 --> 00:26:56,530 Let's just stay home. 466 00:26:57,699 --> 00:26:59,450 Okay. 467 00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:09,251 -That couch is good, right? -Mm-hm. 468 00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:11,337 Worth the year and a half wait. 469 00:27:11,504 --> 00:27:13,339 [CARRIE CHUCKLES] 470 00:27:14,382 --> 00:27:17,217 All we need is a piece for that corner and we're done. 471 00:27:17,385 --> 00:27:18,802 You did good, kid. 472 00:27:31,566 --> 00:27:34,401 You know you have your shoes on the couch, right? 473 00:27:35,737 --> 00:27:37,780 Year and a half, I'm just saying. 474 00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:44,995 [DOORBELL RINGS] 475 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:48,582 -That must be the rest of the luggage. -Oh, good. 476 00:27:49,793 --> 00:27:52,961 For a minute I thought it might be the shoe police. 477 00:27:53,129 --> 00:27:54,797 [LAUGHS] 478 00:27:55,757 --> 00:27:58,509 And a few mornings later, in a different home.... 479 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,428 Why bring rat into New York house? 480 00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:04,473 So Brady can win the second grade science fair. Right, B-boy? 481 00:28:04,641 --> 00:28:06,725 BRADY; Yeah, I'm gonna win. 482 00:28:06,893 --> 00:28:09,186 -Sit down, please, have some breakfast. -I can't. 483 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,814 I have this presentation and I'm sick to my stomach. 484 00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:15,067 I used to love going to work and now I'm sick at the thought of it. 485 00:28:15,235 --> 00:28:16,610 Here. 486 00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,570 -Two bites. -Thanks, Magda. 487 00:28:18,738 --> 00:28:20,781 You don't have to put yourself through this. 488 00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:23,283 I'm a lawyer. That's who I am. 489 00:28:23,451 --> 00:28:26,203 Life's too short. Go someplace where they appreciate you. 490 00:28:26,371 --> 00:28:29,832 Until you find a better job, you can be home and help out around the house. 491 00:28:29,999 --> 00:28:32,418 MIRANDA: I've waited too long to get here. 492 00:28:32,585 --> 00:28:34,169 I just have to suck it up. 493 00:28:34,337 --> 00:28:36,171 Yeah. 494 00:28:36,881 --> 00:28:39,133 Mom, you gonna come to the science fair today? 495 00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:44,138 STEVE: Sorry, honey, she can't. Mommy's-- -She has to go to work. Yeah. 496 00:28:47,308 --> 00:28:51,145 MAN: We think that these new numbers show a much more optimistic upside for us. 497 00:28:51,312 --> 00:28:53,480 And the savings that we found for the client... 498 00:28:53,648 --> 00:28:57,443 ...will easily make up for any escalated legal fees that they incur. 499 00:28:57,610 --> 00:28:58,694 So it's win-win. 500 00:28:58,862 --> 00:29:01,488 It's totally win-win, Tom. And what's more, based on-- 501 00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:04,324 Kevin, I'd like you to run with this from here on. 502 00:29:04,492 --> 00:29:05,784 But it's Miranda's case. 503 00:29:05,952 --> 00:29:09,163 Actually, it's the firm's case, and as senior partner, I'm-- 504 00:29:10,999 --> 00:29:12,291 Is there a problem? 505 00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:14,376 I don't know. Is there? 506 00:29:14,544 --> 00:29:16,837 Have something you'd like to say to me in private? 507 00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:20,507 I don't know that it needs to be in private. 508 00:29:20,675 --> 00:29:22,760 WOMAN: Okay, and we're all paying attention. 509 00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:28,307 Honorable mention goes to Rachel for "What is Static Electricity?" 510 00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:31,435 -Let's give her a big hand. -What...? 511 00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:34,188 -I quit. -Good for you. 512 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,816 -You okay? -I'll get another job. A better job. 513 00:29:37,984 --> 00:29:40,527 And I already called the headhunter. Where's Brady? 514 00:29:40,695 --> 00:29:47,701 Now, our first prize goes to Brady for his Mouse Maze. 515 00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:49,995 [SCREAMS] 516 00:29:50,163 --> 00:29:52,372 Hey, Mom, I won! 517 00:29:52,540 --> 00:29:54,041 I made it. 518 00:29:54,209 --> 00:29:55,209 I never make it. 519 00:29:55,376 --> 00:29:57,044 WOMAN: Good work, Brady. MAGDA: Good boy. 520 00:29:58,087 --> 00:30:00,756 ERIN: Your dolphin has got all the skills... 521 00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:03,550 ...and it's gonna have a little swim with the crab. 522 00:30:04,219 --> 00:30:06,261 Yes, it is, baby girl. 523 00:30:06,429 --> 00:30:09,431 Hey, cutie, come look. Now, what does this do here? 524 00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:11,934 Look at this. Well, what is that gonna do? 525 00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:34,998 There can be many tortured moments in the life of someone... 526 00:30:35,166 --> 00:30:37,000 ...who spends her days writing books. 527 00:30:37,168 --> 00:30:39,294 The antidote to those moments... 528 00:30:39,462 --> 00:30:44,132 ...is the moment the finished book finally arrives. 529 00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:02,150 [PHONE RINGING] 530 00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:09,116 -Hello? -Do I have anything to worry about? 531 00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:13,120 -Can you be more specific? -I mean with the nanny and Harry. 532 00:31:13,288 --> 00:31:14,454 That's just Samantha. 533 00:31:14,622 --> 00:31:16,957 You're the one who said that thing about Jude Law. 534 00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:21,044 Oh, sweetie, it was a joke. You know, it was right there, I had to go for it. 535 00:31:21,212 --> 00:31:24,631 -And it was funny. -No, no, I really wish I hadn't said it. 536 00:31:24,799 --> 00:31:26,967 -Look, Mommy. -Just a second, honey... 537 00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:30,345 ...I just have to finish these cupcakes for the party tomorrow, okay? 538 00:31:30,513 --> 00:31:33,390 -Hey, wait, what was I saying? -Should you be threatened. 539 00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:34,641 Did I say "threatened"? 540 00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:36,810 Uh.... 541 00:31:36,978 --> 00:31:38,729 -Should I be threatened? -Look, Mommy, look. 542 00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:41,523 Okay, honey. Let me just put Rose in her chair. Carrie? 543 00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:43,525 I'm gonna put you down for a second. 544 00:31:43,693 --> 00:31:45,986 I'm gonna put the baby down, I'll be right back. 545 00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,237 [ROSE SCREAMING OVER PHONE] 546 00:31:47,405 --> 00:31:50,032 -Ooh. -It's okay. It's okay, sweetheart. 547 00:31:50,199 --> 00:31:52,326 -Oh, I know. LILY: Look, Mommy, look. 548 00:31:52,493 --> 00:31:53,994 CHARLOTTE: Oh, precious. 549 00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:55,829 -Look at me. CHARLOTTE: It's okay. 550 00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:59,458 Look. Look. 551 00:31:59,626 --> 00:32:00,834 Okay, I'm listening. 552 00:32:01,002 --> 00:32:05,339 Well, did you have any worries before the Samantha comment? 553 00:32:05,506 --> 00:32:07,007 No, of course not. 554 00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:10,052 I love Erin and I trust Harry. 555 00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:12,346 I believe you just answered your own question. 556 00:32:12,513 --> 00:32:14,556 Me, me, me! 557 00:32:14,724 --> 00:32:17,351 Lily! This skirt is vintage. 558 00:32:18,227 --> 00:32:20,520 -What skirt? -It's the cream Valentino. 559 00:32:20,688 --> 00:32:22,522 Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. 560 00:32:22,690 --> 00:32:24,566 I've gotta go! 561 00:32:24,734 --> 00:32:26,234 Lily, look at what you did! 562 00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:34,868 Mommy just has to get something, okay? 563 00:32:43,252 --> 00:32:44,503 Mommy. 564 00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:47,506 Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. 565 00:32:48,925 --> 00:32:50,717 Mommy will be out in a minute. 566 00:32:50,885 --> 00:32:53,053 LILY: Mommy, Mommy. 567 00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:55,097 Mommy. 568 00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:00,769 I was just getting more sprinkles. 569 00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:02,187 Girls. 570 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:06,191 Let's go and play in my bedroom. 571 00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:08,652 Mommy needs some cooking time. 572 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:11,947 Charlotte was thankful to have Erin come home at that moment. 573 00:33:12,115 --> 00:33:14,700 Threat or no threat. 574 00:33:14,867 --> 00:33:16,410 Bra or no bra. 575 00:33:16,744 --> 00:33:18,578 Good. Come on, darling. 576 00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:21,915 And from no bra on the Upper East Side... 577 00:33:22,083 --> 00:33:24,042 ...to no panties in Times Square. 578 00:33:24,210 --> 00:33:26,378 It's 12 and your lunch is at 12:30. 579 00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:28,088 SAMANTHA: I'm just freshening up. 580 00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:35,220 Call the restaurant and tell them I'm going to be 15 minutes late. 581 00:33:35,388 --> 00:33:37,097 MEGHAN: Samantha Jones. 582 00:33:39,976 --> 00:33:42,436 Smith Jerrod's on the phone. 583 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,276 Refresh my memory. 584 00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:52,487 -How do we know each other again? SMITH: You used to do my publicity. 585 00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:54,281 Doesn't ring a bell. 586 00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:57,784 You used to do me. 587 00:33:58,286 --> 00:34:00,495 Oh, ding, ding ding. 588 00:34:00,663 --> 00:34:02,956 How's L.A.? 589 00:34:03,458 --> 00:34:05,292 I'm in Abu Dhabi. 590 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:06,960 You're back in the Middle East? 591 00:34:07,128 --> 00:34:09,796 SMITH: Yeah. We're shooting the poster for the movie I made here. 592 00:34:09,964 --> 00:34:13,216 And I just found out that we're premiering in New York. 593 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,928 I'm calling because I want you on that red carpet next to me. 594 00:34:17,096 --> 00:34:18,180 WOMAN: Smith. 595 00:34:18,514 --> 00:34:21,349 -You do? -Hell, yeah. 596 00:34:22,143 --> 00:34:24,311 My career never would've happened without you. 597 00:34:24,479 --> 00:34:26,396 Who else would I take to my big night? 598 00:34:26,564 --> 00:34:27,981 That is so sweet. 599 00:34:28,149 --> 00:34:29,232 [PHONE CHIMES] 600 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,652 Oh. Honey? I gotta go. 601 00:34:32,820 --> 00:34:35,530 I'm pulling up my panties to get to a lunch date. 602 00:34:37,033 --> 00:34:40,577 [ERYKAH BADU'S "WINDOW SEAT" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 603 00:34:40,745 --> 00:34:42,162 Not to brag... 604 00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:45,332 ...but did I make us a delicious anniversary meal? 605 00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,834 It was delicious. 606 00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:49,669 And you did brag. 607 00:34:50,963 --> 00:34:52,339 Oops. 608 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:56,009 You have a little osso buco right... 609 00:34:57,678 --> 00:34:59,137 ...there. 610 00:34:59,305 --> 00:35:02,682 See, that's one of the perks of eating at home. You get to kiss the cook. 611 00:35:02,850 --> 00:35:03,850 And no tipping. 612 00:35:04,018 --> 00:35:05,018 [LAUGHING] 613 00:35:05,186 --> 00:35:07,979 -More wine? -Yes, please. 614 00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:21,952 Happy anniversary. 615 00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:24,830 -Now? -Yes, now. 616 00:35:24,997 --> 00:35:28,041 Before I'm lulled into a coma by your light Milanese fare. 617 00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:50,647 -Very nice. -It's vintage. It's from 1968. 618 00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:52,774 [WHISTLES] 619 00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,317 Very, very nice. 620 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:59,739 And it's engraved. 621 00:36:02,535 --> 00:36:03,743 BIG: "Me and you. 622 00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:06,288 Just us two." 623 00:36:17,884 --> 00:36:20,010 Your gift is in the bedroom. 624 00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:23,430 There better be something in there I haven't already seen. 625 00:36:41,908 --> 00:36:43,158 Well, I've seen the desk. 626 00:36:43,576 --> 00:36:46,453 But you haven't seen what's in the desk. 627 00:36:49,332 --> 00:36:52,375 A state-of-the-art flat-screen. 628 00:36:56,297 --> 00:36:58,840 WOMAN [ON TV]: And when bedtime comes, take them in your arms... 629 00:36:59,008 --> 00:37:00,759 -And.... -...into your dreams. 630 00:37:00,927 --> 00:37:05,805 WowWee Alive comes in pups. Each sold separately from WowWee. 631 00:37:07,016 --> 00:37:10,810 So we can lay in bed and watch old black-and-white movies. 632 00:37:11,896 --> 00:37:15,190 The only word I heard in that sentence was "old." 633 00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:17,192 Come on. You remember how nice it was... 634 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,486 ...at the hotel watching It Happened One Night. 635 00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:25,158 Yes. And it was nice because it only happened one night in a hotel. 636 00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:29,996 Did I fuck up? 637 00:37:31,332 --> 00:37:36,253 Well, a piece of jewelry would've been nice. 638 00:37:36,420 --> 00:37:38,588 Oh. 639 00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:40,548 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 640 00:37:40,716 --> 00:37:43,051 Can you get me and Big invited to Smith's premiere? 641 00:37:43,219 --> 00:37:46,012 -Oh, yeah, sure. -Good. 642 00:37:47,139 --> 00:37:49,975 I think we need some glamour. 643 00:37:50,142 --> 00:37:52,811 You know, the television and the ordering in... 644 00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:57,190 ...it's just getting a little too "Mr. and Mrs. Married." 645 00:37:57,358 --> 00:38:01,444 -You'll have a good time. -Yeah. Ooh. 646 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:04,864 Look at that. 647 00:38:05,658 --> 00:38:08,326 Very nice. 648 00:38:10,037 --> 00:38:12,580 It is a fabulous dress for the premiere. 649 00:38:12,748 --> 00:38:15,292 What's the worst thing they could say about me in this dress? 650 00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:16,459 Uh.... 651 00:38:16,627 --> 00:38:19,879 -"Who the hell does she think she is?" -Just went to the top of my list. 652 00:38:20,047 --> 00:38:22,132 So, um, you and Smith. 653 00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:24,384 You're going to this premiere together as...? 654 00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:27,887 Oh, honey, just friends. But I may throw him a fuck if I like the movie. 655 00:38:28,055 --> 00:38:30,807 Oh, that's nice. That should take the edge off the reviews. 656 00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:34,269 Carrie. I haven't seen you here in forever. 657 00:38:34,437 --> 00:38:37,731 Yeah, I know. I've been cheating on fashion with furniture. 658 00:38:37,898 --> 00:38:41,443 -So, what can I help you with? -Well, we need to find a red-carpet look... 659 00:38:41,610 --> 00:38:44,070 -...for my friend Samantha. -And I think we found it. 660 00:38:44,238 --> 00:38:45,739 Is that maybe a little young? 661 00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:48,950 I don't know. 662 00:38:49,118 --> 00:38:51,953 Exactly how old do you think I am? 663 00:38:53,289 --> 00:38:54,539 And not that it matters... 664 00:38:54,707 --> 00:38:58,752 ...but I am 50-fucking-2 and I will rock this dress. 665 00:38:59,420 --> 00:39:01,504 I'll get you a changing room. 666 00:39:01,672 --> 00:39:04,132 How's the writing going? Still working for Vogue? 667 00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:06,968 -Freelance. -Oh, that's fabulous. 668 00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:10,430 You had to do that to her? 669 00:39:10,598 --> 00:39:12,265 Well, how else is she gonna learn? 670 00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:13,516 And speaking of Vogue... 671 00:39:13,684 --> 00:39:17,020 ...they want you to write a piece to accompany the release of your book. 672 00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:20,565 Oh, great. Has there been any long-lead press reaction to the book yet? 673 00:39:21,108 --> 00:39:23,276 Not yet, but I'm sure it'll all be fabulous. 674 00:39:30,284 --> 00:39:31,326 Is that you? 675 00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:33,661 I hope so. 676 00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:37,290 -Who else has a key? -The Gristedes delivery boy. 677 00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:39,125 Really? 678 00:39:39,293 --> 00:39:42,962 Well, you know, you want food at home, that's a risk you take. 679 00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:46,966 Don't get too comfortable on that couch. We have to be at the premiere in an hour. 680 00:39:47,134 --> 00:39:49,260 -Is that tonight? -Mm-hm. 681 00:39:49,428 --> 00:39:51,846 -On a Monday? -Yes. 682 00:39:52,556 --> 00:39:54,182 We don't go out on Mondays. 683 00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,978 Well, first of all, I didn't know we didn't... 684 00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:03,650 ...and second of all, problem? 685 00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:05,485 The market fell a hundred points... 686 00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:08,696 ...and now I have to get dressed up and go to some Hollywood thing? 687 00:40:08,864 --> 00:40:11,741 All you have to do is put on a fresh shirt. 688 00:40:11,909 --> 00:40:13,159 Can't you go without me? 689 00:40:13,327 --> 00:40:16,454 I don't wanna go without you. I wanna go with you. 690 00:40:16,622 --> 00:40:18,665 That's the point. 691 00:40:19,041 --> 00:40:21,835 Me and you out on the town. 692 00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:24,003 I've been out on the town for 30 years. 693 00:40:24,171 --> 00:40:26,089 I've seen the town, kid. 694 00:40:26,257 --> 00:40:28,091 You go have fun with your friends. 695 00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,385 But I wanna spend time with you. 696 00:40:30,553 --> 00:40:33,930 Oh, well, if you wanna spend time with me, we'll stay here. 697 00:40:34,098 --> 00:40:37,142 At our home. Which you made so perfect. 698 00:40:37,309 --> 00:40:39,060 [PATTING PILLOW] 699 00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:43,523 You just don't want to get your ass off the couch. 700 00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:48,778 All right, fine. Stay. 701 00:40:48,946 --> 00:40:50,071 I'll go with Stanford. 702 00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:51,948 Okay. 703 00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:55,452 MAN [ON TV]: Information. What is it...? 704 00:40:59,373 --> 00:41:00,915 What's that? 705 00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:05,378 Oh, I picked up some dinner from that new Japanese place on Madison. 706 00:41:12,178 --> 00:41:17,056 --before their acquisition changed history, before the merger, certainty... 707 00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:21,603 ...before action, knowledge. Thomson Reuters. 708 00:41:24,023 --> 00:41:25,565 Throw this back. We're going. 709 00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:27,817 -I thought you just said-- -I changed my mind. 710 00:41:27,985 --> 00:41:31,654 Do you really want to be pushed and shoved in a crowd and eat bad catered food? 711 00:41:31,822 --> 00:41:36,409 Yes. Yes. I'm dying to be pushed and shoved in a crowd... 712 00:41:36,577 --> 00:41:38,912 ...and eat bad catered food. 713 00:41:39,079 --> 00:41:42,874 I'm dying to eat anything that doesn't come in a takeout box. 714 00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:44,209 Bottoms up. 715 00:41:44,376 --> 00:41:46,544 I'll put out a fresh shirt. 716 00:41:54,845 --> 00:41:58,973 MAN: Fans on the right, take models to the left. 717 00:41:59,141 --> 00:42:01,267 I think we're a little overdressed, don't you? 718 00:42:01,435 --> 00:42:02,894 Please walk off the red carpet. 719 00:42:03,062 --> 00:42:04,604 Oh, we're VIPs. See? 720 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:07,065 Show your bracelets. 721 00:42:07,233 --> 00:42:08,608 Show your bracelet. 722 00:42:09,109 --> 00:42:10,276 MAN 1: Smith! Right here! 723 00:42:10,444 --> 00:42:12,612 -One more. MAN 1: One more. 724 00:42:14,281 --> 00:42:16,282 Samantha looks smoking hot. 725 00:42:16,992 --> 00:42:18,868 Is that dress maybe a little young? 726 00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,787 MAN 2: Miley! WOMAN: Miley! 727 00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:23,665 MAN 3: Miley! -Maybe. 728 00:42:23,832 --> 00:42:24,999 ANTHONY: Mother of God. 729 00:42:25,167 --> 00:42:27,877 She's wearing the same dress as teen queen Miley Cyrus. 730 00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:31,130 STANFORD: I know what's gonna happen, but I can't look away. 731 00:42:31,298 --> 00:42:33,132 It's a red-carpet Hindenburg. 732 00:42:35,302 --> 00:42:37,220 MAN 1: Right this way, Miley! MAN 2: Over here! 733 00:42:37,388 --> 00:42:40,139 Awkward times two. 734 00:42:40,307 --> 00:42:43,643 WOMAN: Miley! Miley, is that your mother? 735 00:42:43,811 --> 00:42:47,146 MAN 3: Miley! Miley, right here! Miley! 736 00:42:47,314 --> 00:42:50,483 CARRIE: Sometimes, a girlfriend is a girl you've never even met. 737 00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:51,818 Great dress. 738 00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:53,736 Thanks for saying that. 739 00:42:53,904 --> 00:42:57,073 And all is right in Hollywood. 740 00:42:57,658 --> 00:42:59,117 -Ooh. -Just got pushed. 741 00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:03,121 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 742 00:43:03,706 --> 00:43:05,623 In the VIP room at the after-party... 743 00:43:05,791 --> 00:43:08,626 ...Samantha found herself in the middle of the Middle East... 744 00:43:08,794 --> 00:43:12,422 ...seated directly across from the film's producer, Sheikh Khalid. 745 00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:16,217 This is our first venture into the world film market... 746 00:43:16,385 --> 00:43:18,303 ...and we are honored to be represented... 747 00:43:18,470 --> 00:43:22,515 ...by such a magnificent American star as Smith Jerrod. 748 00:43:22,683 --> 00:43:23,725 -Thank you. -Thanks. 749 00:43:23,892 --> 00:43:26,102 But you should really be thanking Samantha. 750 00:43:26,270 --> 00:43:29,522 I mean, it's all her. I was just a waiter before she came along. 751 00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:32,900 She handled my public relations and made everybody see me as a star. 752 00:43:33,944 --> 00:43:34,986 Is this true? 753 00:43:35,154 --> 00:43:36,529 Well... 754 00:43:36,697 --> 00:43:37,989 ...yes. 755 00:43:38,157 --> 00:43:39,532 [CHUCKLING] 756 00:43:40,159 --> 00:43:42,535 Have you ever been to the United Arab Emirates? 757 00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:45,288 No, and I could kick myself. 758 00:43:45,456 --> 00:43:49,375 But friends of mine have been to Dubai and they say it is amazing. 759 00:43:49,543 --> 00:43:51,711 Dubai is-- 760 00:43:51,879 --> 00:43:54,547 I am at a loss for the word in English. 761 00:43:54,715 --> 00:43:56,549 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 762 00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,053 Dubai is over. 763 00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:04,057 -Really? -With all respect to my Emirate brother... 764 00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:05,892 ...Abu Dhabi is the future. 765 00:44:06,352 --> 00:44:10,938 A progressive, global city of commerce, culture and... 766 00:44:11,106 --> 00:44:12,899 ...style. 767 00:44:13,776 --> 00:44:17,153 -It is the new Middle East. -The new Middle East. 768 00:44:17,321 --> 00:44:21,574 But you should see it for yourself. As my guest, at my new hotel. 769 00:44:22,576 --> 00:44:25,578 And if it does not interfere too much with your wonderful time... 770 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,581 ...we might be able to discuss some business. 771 00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:31,376 -Business? -Perhaps you could make... 772 00:44:31,543 --> 00:44:34,587 ...America see my hotel as a star... 773 00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,589 ...as you did with Smith Jerrod. 774 00:44:38,967 --> 00:44:41,010 And suddenly, it's all about the couch. 775 00:44:41,178 --> 00:44:43,638 Two years ago, we never even uttered the word "couch." 776 00:44:43,806 --> 00:44:46,641 And now, our entire universe revolves around it. 777 00:44:46,809 --> 00:44:48,017 Count your blessings. 778 00:44:48,185 --> 00:44:51,187 Remember when you couldn't even get him to sleep over? 779 00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:52,480 Yeah, I know. I know. 780 00:44:52,648 --> 00:44:56,109 We're out tonight. He could at least slap on a smile and have a good time. 781 00:44:56,276 --> 00:44:59,946 Already had a nervous breakdown. No, believe me-- 782 00:45:00,364 --> 00:45:02,448 He seems to be having a good time now. 783 00:45:02,616 --> 00:45:04,617 CARRION: People think that Spaniards don't work... 784 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,663 ...that we just take siestas and drink Rioja and go to the beach. 785 00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:12,333 There was a jumbo shrimp free-for-all at the raw bar. 786 00:45:13,085 --> 00:45:16,212 -I'm gonna be-- I'll be right back. -Okay. 787 00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:20,007 Every night before bed, I am on my knees praying: 788 00:45:20,175 --> 00:45:22,385 "Please, God, let it stay up." 789 00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:29,559 -Please let what stay up? -Hi. The stock market. 790 00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:32,228 -This is Carmen Garcia Carrion. -Carrion. 791 00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:33,646 -Carrion. -Very good. 792 00:45:34,314 --> 00:45:36,858 She is the Senior Vice President of the Bank of Madrid. 793 00:45:37,651 --> 00:45:38,651 -Hi. CARRIE: Hi. 794 00:45:38,819 --> 00:45:40,820 -This is-- -Carrie Preston. Hi. 795 00:45:40,988 --> 00:45:44,323 Oh, Carrie Preston. Nice to meet you. Your husband is very charming. 796 00:45:44,491 --> 00:45:45,992 Isn't he? 797 00:45:46,368 --> 00:45:50,663 So you were right about the catered food and the shoving. 798 00:45:50,831 --> 00:45:53,249 So I'm ready to go whenever you are. 799 00:45:53,417 --> 00:45:55,042 Oh. 800 00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:58,129 -Well, nice to meet you both. -Nice to meet you. 801 00:45:58,297 --> 00:45:59,839 I'll try to keep it up for you. 802 00:46:00,007 --> 00:46:02,800 -You're so funny. He's very funny. -He is. 803 00:46:02,968 --> 00:46:04,051 -Good night. -Good night. 804 00:46:04,219 --> 00:46:06,345 Bye. Good night. 805 00:46:06,513 --> 00:46:08,556 MAN 1 [ON TV]: Is that all you got? 806 00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:16,063 MAN 2: I mean, all we're trying to do is just keep from getting dead. 807 00:46:16,565 --> 00:46:17,607 Damn! 808 00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:23,196 MAN 3: Since the very first Deadliest Catch cameras rolled seven seasons ago-- 809 00:46:24,031 --> 00:46:25,239 It's a little loud. 810 00:46:25,407 --> 00:46:27,700 --the fleet has gone on more than 60 voyages. 811 00:46:30,370 --> 00:46:34,207 And for the record, that is not a black-and-white movie. 812 00:46:34,374 --> 00:46:35,792 What? 813 00:46:35,959 --> 00:46:39,378 That was supposed to be for black-and-white movies... 814 00:46:39,546 --> 00:46:42,256 ...and that is not a black-and-white movie. 815 00:46:44,843 --> 00:46:48,721 When the gay guy hit on me at the wedding you thought it was funny. 816 00:46:50,140 --> 00:46:52,058 I'm not upset about the flirt. 817 00:46:52,226 --> 00:46:56,729 I like the flirt. In fact, you could dial up the flirt around here a little more. 818 00:46:56,897 --> 00:46:59,315 I get TV and take-out guy... 819 00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:02,235 ...and Bank of Madrid lady, she gets sparkle guy. 820 00:47:05,864 --> 00:47:08,825 I'm sorry. Are we having a discussion or watching television? 821 00:47:08,992 --> 00:47:11,077 What is it with you and this television? 822 00:47:11,245 --> 00:47:13,246 I don't wanna be one of those couples... 823 00:47:13,413 --> 00:47:17,458 ...lying in bed, watching television and not talking. 824 00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:20,586 That is not the relationship I signed up for. 825 00:47:21,004 --> 00:47:23,631 It's a television, not the end of the world. 826 00:47:23,799 --> 00:47:26,175 Well, maybe to you it's not. 827 00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:29,011 The Bering Sea has many faces. 828 00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,852 You're not happy in, and you're not happy out. 829 00:47:38,188 --> 00:47:39,313 What does that mean? 830 00:47:39,648 --> 00:47:41,274 Well, what do you want from me? 831 00:47:41,441 --> 00:47:44,068 I put on the shirt, I went to the thing... 832 00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:48,072 ...and now you're hammering me about lying in bed and watching a little TV? 833 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:50,032 I mean, what is the problem? 834 00:47:56,331 --> 00:47:57,874 Look... 835 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:01,168 ...it's just going to be you and me... 836 00:48:01,336 --> 00:48:04,463 ...every night, for the rest of our lives. 837 00:48:04,631 --> 00:48:07,633 And I think that we are going... 838 00:48:07,801 --> 00:48:10,303 ...to have to work on the sparkle... 839 00:48:10,470 --> 00:48:12,471 ...for the rest of our lives. 840 00:48:13,307 --> 00:48:14,974 Sparkle. 841 00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:16,475 Got it. 842 00:48:27,946 --> 00:48:29,405 Listen to that! 843 00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:34,160 When it starts really screaming, the waves stack up, and you've got these big, nasty-- 844 00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:37,288 MAN 1: You can, by unlocking the power of natural juice... 845 00:48:37,456 --> 00:48:39,498 ...with Jack LaLanne's Power Juicer. 846 00:48:39,666 --> 00:48:41,459 MAN 2: Change your life. Save your life. 847 00:48:41,627 --> 00:48:43,669 You are the most important person you have. 848 00:48:43,837 --> 00:48:45,671 If you don't do it, who will? 849 00:48:45,839 --> 00:48:50,343 Juicing is the easy way to help save your life. And I guarantee it. 850 00:48:50,510 --> 00:48:52,762 MAN 1: So don't delay. Drink yourself healthy. 851 00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:56,140 Start enjoying the benefits of fresh, all-natural juice. 852 00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:58,809 Order your Jack LaLanne Power Juicer now. 853 00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:37,390 CARRIE: The last two years weren't exactly the best time... 854 00:49:37,557 --> 00:49:39,100 ...to put an apartment on the market. 855 00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:40,643 So we didn't. 856 00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:43,562 And from time to time, I'd come here to write. 857 00:49:48,860 --> 00:49:50,569 Or to visit the clothes. 858 00:50:01,039 --> 00:50:03,082 [PHONE RINGS] 859 00:50:06,211 --> 00:50:08,129 -Hello? -What time did you wake up? 860 00:50:08,296 --> 00:50:10,631 I don't know, about 6. 861 00:50:12,759 --> 00:50:15,803 I'm worried about the Vogue article, so I wanted to get started. 862 00:50:15,971 --> 00:50:18,014 You haven't written over there in a while. 863 00:50:18,181 --> 00:50:20,099 Yeah, I know. I know. I just-- 864 00:50:20,267 --> 00:50:23,769 I don't know, I thought it would be easier to work here. No distractions. 865 00:50:24,771 --> 00:50:26,439 -Okay. -Anyway, it's due Thursday... 866 00:50:26,606 --> 00:50:30,109 ...and I'm not even sure what I'm writing yet, so, um.... 867 00:50:30,277 --> 00:50:32,611 Maybe I should just stay here until I get it done. 868 00:50:33,071 --> 00:50:34,405 You're going to stay there? 869 00:50:34,573 --> 00:50:36,949 Just two days. You know, just to bang it out. 870 00:50:37,576 --> 00:50:39,785 -Is that all right? -Whatever you need. 871 00:50:40,871 --> 00:50:42,663 -Everything okay? -Yeah. 872 00:50:42,831 --> 00:50:46,333 No, I just feel like I really need to lock myself in a room... 873 00:50:46,501 --> 00:50:51,297 ...and not think about anything but writing. 874 00:50:51,798 --> 00:50:52,840 Okay? 875 00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:54,300 Okay. 876 00:50:54,468 --> 00:50:57,720 -Just two days. Okay? -Okay. 877 00:50:58,638 --> 00:50:59,597 -Okay. -Bye. 878 00:50:59,765 --> 00:51:01,182 Bye. 879 00:51:02,601 --> 00:51:04,894 And I did think about nothing but writing. 880 00:51:05,270 --> 00:51:08,564 Until the next day, when I could think about nothing but food. 881 00:51:08,732 --> 00:51:12,234 And as long as I was going to break to eat anyway, I thought: 882 00:51:12,402 --> 00:51:13,819 "Why not call the girls?" 883 00:51:13,987 --> 00:51:16,238 One week in Abu Dhabi, all expenses paid. 884 00:51:16,656 --> 00:51:20,659 I've always been fascinated by the Middle East. You know, desert moons... 885 00:51:20,827 --> 00:51:23,621 ...Scheherazade, magic carpets. 886 00:51:23,789 --> 00:51:28,000 -Like Jasmine in Aladdin? -Yes, sweetie, just like Jasmine. 887 00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:29,835 But with cocktails. 888 00:51:31,213 --> 00:51:35,716 -It is exciting. When are you gonna go? -I don't know. When can you all be free? 889 00:51:37,552 --> 00:51:39,845 You didn't think I was going without my gals. 890 00:51:40,013 --> 00:51:42,348 -What? -I told the sheikh I'd go on one condition: 891 00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:45,017 I'd get to bring my three best girlfriends. 892 00:51:45,185 --> 00:51:46,977 -Get out of town. -My point exactly. 893 00:51:47,145 --> 00:51:50,564 And we are being flown on the sheikh's own airline. 894 00:51:50,732 --> 00:51:52,525 -He has his own airline? -Mm-hm. 895 00:51:52,692 --> 00:51:56,529 -Oh, that is one chic sheikh. SAMANTHA: Super, super, super first class. 896 00:51:56,696 --> 00:51:59,865 And you get your own individual suite on the plane. 897 00:52:00,033 --> 00:52:01,867 -Oh, my God. SAMANTHA: All expenses paid for... 898 00:52:02,035 --> 00:52:04,954 ...everything for all of us. All we have to do is pick the week. 899 00:52:05,122 --> 00:52:08,374 And the sooner, the better. I can hear the decadence calling. 900 00:52:08,542 --> 00:52:11,585 Let me just check my work schedule. Yeah. All clear. 901 00:52:12,420 --> 00:52:16,048 I gotta check with the old ball and chain, but I'm good to go. Middle East me. 902 00:52:16,216 --> 00:52:17,967 Charlotte, how's three weeks from now? 903 00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:19,927 Oh, I don't know. I-- 904 00:52:20,303 --> 00:52:23,806 We have to go this month. Next month, it gets so hot, you burst into flames. 905 00:52:23,974 --> 00:52:26,225 I bet that's not on their website. 906 00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:28,352 I mean, I don't know if I can go at all. 907 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:29,603 I have two children. 908 00:52:29,771 --> 00:52:31,355 Yes, yes, but you have a husband. 909 00:52:31,523 --> 00:52:35,067 And a full-time nanny. You said so yourself. The kids love the nanny, right? 910 00:52:36,194 --> 00:52:38,988 -Yes, but-- SAMANTHA: But what? What's the problem? 911 00:52:39,156 --> 00:52:41,323 I mean, we haven't been anywhere together... 912 00:52:41,491 --> 00:52:44,243 ...since Carrie and Big's wedding blowup honeymoon disaster. 913 00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:46,370 -Memories. -And that was two years ago. 914 00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:50,583 Two years of bad business and this bullshit economy, and I'm done. 915 00:52:50,750 --> 00:52:53,127 We need to go somewhere rich. 916 00:52:53,295 --> 00:52:55,254 -Samantha, I appreciate the-- -No. 917 00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:58,048 I go to children's birthday parties for you. 918 00:52:58,216 --> 00:53:01,260 You are going to Abu Dhabi for me. 919 00:53:01,428 --> 00:53:03,429 MIRANDA: Children's birthday parties. 920 00:53:03,597 --> 00:53:04,972 Pulling out the big guns. 921 00:53:11,938 --> 00:53:13,105 -Okay. -Thank you. 922 00:53:13,273 --> 00:53:16,442 Look at us. Going to Abu Dhabi. 923 00:53:22,699 --> 00:53:24,366 [PHONE RINGS] 924 00:53:25,952 --> 00:53:27,912 -Hello. BIG: How'd it go? 925 00:53:28,079 --> 00:53:30,289 Just finished. And thanks for the time. 926 00:53:30,457 --> 00:53:34,126 How soon can you be dressed for dinner? I have 9:00 reservations. 927 00:53:34,294 --> 00:53:36,003 Well... 928 00:53:36,171 --> 00:53:37,546 ...it's 8:30 already. 929 00:53:37,714 --> 00:53:39,715 I'm downstairs. 930 00:53:41,468 --> 00:53:44,637 CARRIE: And just like that, it was 1998 again. 931 00:53:44,804 --> 00:53:46,472 I'll be right down. 932 00:54:07,744 --> 00:54:09,870 -Hey, kid. -Hey. 933 00:54:10,288 --> 00:54:11,538 I missed you. 934 00:54:12,165 --> 00:54:14,124 I missed you. 935 00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:22,466 We had a wonderful dinner out. 936 00:54:22,634 --> 00:54:23,926 And back at home... 937 00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:28,389 ...the television stayed off the entire night. 938 00:54:32,185 --> 00:54:36,188 And pretty soon, the Middle East was upon us. 939 00:54:36,564 --> 00:54:38,649 I need that. 940 00:54:39,067 --> 00:54:41,902 -Almost packed? -One more to go. 941 00:54:43,321 --> 00:54:46,532 I had an idea I wanted to talk to you about. 942 00:54:46,866 --> 00:54:50,077 Remember when you took those two days away to finish your article... 943 00:54:50,245 --> 00:54:53,163 -...and then we had that great night? -Mm-hm. 944 00:54:53,331 --> 00:54:55,582 Maybe we should think about doing that every week. 945 00:54:57,335 --> 00:54:58,377 Hear me out. 946 00:54:59,587 --> 00:55:03,966 After you took those two days at your old apartment, I started thinking: 947 00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:05,551 What if I got a place? 948 00:55:06,219 --> 00:55:10,139 -You want your own apartment? -No, not my own apartment. 949 00:55:10,307 --> 00:55:12,766 Just a place that I can go two days a week... 950 00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:16,562 ...lie around, watch television, do the shit I wanna do that bugs you. 951 00:55:16,730 --> 00:55:18,230 And then the other five days... 952 00:55:18,398 --> 00:55:23,235 ...I'd be here and available for dinners and sparkle or whatever. 953 00:55:24,070 --> 00:55:28,407 So you're telling me that you want two days off a week from our marriage. 954 00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:30,451 And you'd have the same two days. 955 00:55:30,869 --> 00:55:32,244 Oh, my God. 956 00:55:32,412 --> 00:55:34,538 To work or see your friends. 957 00:55:34,706 --> 00:55:36,540 Do the things you wanna do without me. 958 00:55:36,708 --> 00:55:39,585 But I don't wanna do things without you. 959 00:55:39,753 --> 00:55:41,378 Carrie, come on, I know you. 960 00:55:41,546 --> 00:55:44,798 Can you honestly tell me you didn't enjoy those two days to yourself? 961 00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:49,470 Two days, yes, but I don't need it every week. 962 00:55:49,846 --> 00:55:53,849 Are you saying you need it every week? 963 00:55:54,392 --> 00:55:57,269 I don't know, it was just an idea. Something to think about. 964 00:55:58,438 --> 00:56:00,814 Marriage doesn't work like that. 965 00:56:01,691 --> 00:56:04,818 I thought we were supposed to be making up our own rules. 966 00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:15,245 So two days, then four days, then what, no days? 967 00:56:15,413 --> 00:56:19,083 -Is that where this is heading? -I never would've brought it up if I thought... 968 00:56:19,250 --> 00:56:22,461 ...it was gonna make you think I want out. Look, I knew two years ago: 969 00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:24,630 I am exactly where I wanna be. 970 00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:26,465 Five days a week. 971 00:56:26,633 --> 00:56:30,219 Look, I'm just trying to make it a little easier for us to live together. 972 00:56:30,387 --> 00:56:31,845 I mean, we're married... 973 00:56:32,013 --> 00:56:33,889 ...but we're still us. 974 00:56:34,307 --> 00:56:37,059 Is this because I'm a bitch wife who nags you? 975 00:56:40,021 --> 00:56:42,398 I feel like I'm disappointing you all the time. 976 00:56:42,857 --> 00:56:45,692 No, you're not disappointing me. 977 00:56:47,695 --> 00:56:48,987 Well, something is. 978 00:56:55,537 --> 00:56:59,498 So, what would I tell the girls? "Big and I are taking two days a week off... 979 00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:02,668 ...to make our marriage work better"? They'd never understand. 980 00:57:02,836 --> 00:57:04,586 I don't care if they understand. 981 00:57:04,754 --> 00:57:06,213 This is our marriage. 982 00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:09,341 Me and you. Just like you said. 983 00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:11,760 Carrie... 984 00:57:11,928 --> 00:57:14,179 ...we're adults without children. 985 00:57:14,347 --> 00:57:17,182 We have the luxury to design our life. 986 00:57:18,309 --> 00:57:20,561 Well, you can't get your own apartment. 987 00:57:20,728 --> 00:57:23,230 That would freak me out and it's a waste of money. 988 00:57:25,358 --> 00:57:28,152 You can have my old place two days a week. 989 00:57:29,362 --> 00:57:34,450 Temporarily, till I figure out how I feel about this. 990 00:57:35,660 --> 00:57:39,079 And I can take it back any time. 991 00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:42,082 Deal. 992 00:57:43,042 --> 00:57:44,251 [PHONE RINGS] 993 00:57:44,419 --> 00:57:46,170 -There's the car. -I'll get your bags. 994 00:57:46,337 --> 00:57:47,713 Oh, yes, you will. 995 00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:52,009 And in a week, I'll pick you up at the airport and take you home. 996 00:57:52,177 --> 00:57:54,136 Whose home, yours or mine? 997 00:57:55,054 --> 00:57:56,722 Ours. 998 00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,818 WOMAN 1: Welcome. CHARLOTTE: Thank you. 999 00:58:09,986 --> 00:58:11,778 WOMAN 2 [OVER PA]: Ladies and gentlemen... 1000 00:58:11,946 --> 00:58:15,908 ...we are pleased to welcome you onboard our flight to Abu Dhabi International Airport. 1001 00:58:16,075 --> 00:58:18,410 -Nice. -Hi. 1002 00:58:21,247 --> 00:58:22,915 Wow. 1003 00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:29,046 Welcome aboard Afdal Air. 1004 00:58:29,214 --> 00:58:30,923 Thank you. 1005 00:58:31,090 --> 00:58:33,258 Thank you. I love your hat. 1006 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:35,177 Thank you. 1007 00:58:35,345 --> 00:58:37,346 And I thought mine was gonna be too much. 1008 00:58:38,431 --> 00:58:39,598 Oh, my God. 1009 00:58:39,766 --> 00:58:42,142 -This is bigger than my first apartment. -Hot towel? 1010 00:58:42,310 --> 00:58:44,019 And everything is so beautiful. 1011 00:58:44,187 --> 00:58:46,313 Just like I promised: the best of the best. 1012 00:58:47,357 --> 00:58:49,483 And look: 1013 00:58:50,109 --> 00:58:51,485 Arabic Pringles. 1014 00:58:51,653 --> 00:58:53,278 Okay, now I'm impressed. 1015 00:58:53,446 --> 00:58:55,906 WOMAN 1: Date? WOMAN 2: Would you care for a date? 1016 00:58:56,074 --> 00:58:59,284 Not on vacation five minutes and I already got a date. 1017 00:58:59,452 --> 00:59:02,955 Dates are the traditional welcome fruit of the Middle East. 1018 00:59:03,122 --> 00:59:05,624 I read that in one of these. 1019 00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:09,628 -Oh. You moving there? -I've got us covered. The dos and don'ts. 1020 00:59:09,796 --> 00:59:11,046 And speaking of don'ts... 1021 00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:14,007 ...men and women do not embrace in public in the Middle East. 1022 00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:17,094 Eh, eh, eh! No, no, no. She's talking to you, sister. 1023 00:59:17,262 --> 00:59:20,389 Oh, please. We're going to the new Middle East. 1024 00:59:20,557 --> 00:59:23,392 And when I need a break from all the real information... 1025 00:59:25,979 --> 00:59:27,646 ...I have this. 1026 00:59:31,776 --> 00:59:32,818 Let me see this. 1027 00:59:32,986 --> 00:59:35,654 [WOMAN SPEAKING IN ARABIC OVER PA] 1028 00:59:36,489 --> 00:59:39,992 Oh, listen. How exotic. I wonder what she's saying. 1029 00:59:40,159 --> 00:59:43,662 Probably telling us not to bring those magazines on a 13-hour plane ride... 1030 00:59:43,830 --> 00:59:47,666 -...with an impressionable woman. -Charlotte, honey, don't read that. 1031 00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:51,878 Sorry. 1032 00:59:52,046 --> 00:59:54,214 [SAMANTHA LAUGHING] 1033 00:59:56,009 --> 00:59:58,677 You see, it becomes a "Y" after a few drinks. 1034 00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:01,054 -I see. -Care for another round, ladies? 1035 01:00:01,222 --> 01:00:02,514 [SPEAKS IN ARABIC] 1036 01:00:02,682 --> 01:00:04,933 It means "yes." 1037 01:00:05,184 --> 01:00:06,852 [SPEAKS IN ARABIC] 1038 01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:09,354 Yeah, not the best word for her to learn. 1039 01:00:09,522 --> 01:00:11,356 How many times are you gonna read that? 1040 01:00:14,944 --> 01:00:20,157 Big and I are thinking about taking two days a week apart to do our own thing. 1041 01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:21,366 Is everything okay? 1042 01:00:21,534 --> 01:00:24,369 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just something we're talking about. 1043 01:00:24,537 --> 01:00:27,873 You know, he would get two days off to do his things... 1044 01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:30,000 ...and on those days, I would do my things. 1045 01:00:30,168 --> 01:00:34,004 You know, like write or have dinner with you guys... 1046 01:00:34,172 --> 01:00:36,715 ...or I don't know, whatever. 1047 01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:38,717 Love it. I'm available. 1048 01:00:38,885 --> 01:00:41,887 Two days off? You make marriage sound like a job. 1049 01:00:42,055 --> 01:00:44,556 Well, it may not be a job, but it's work. 1050 01:00:44,724 --> 01:00:47,142 Well, would that mean that you would have two nights off too? 1051 01:00:47,310 --> 01:00:48,727 Mm-hm. 1052 01:00:48,895 --> 01:00:51,897 -Where would you sleep? -Well, he's gonna stay at my old place... 1053 01:00:52,065 --> 01:00:53,690 ...and I'll stay at our new place. 1054 01:00:53,858 --> 01:00:56,735 I loved that time when Steve and I knew we were together... 1055 01:00:56,903 --> 01:01:00,447 ...but we still had our own places. That was the best of both worlds. 1056 01:01:00,615 --> 01:01:04,660 I just think marriage is two people... 1057 01:01:04,827 --> 01:01:07,746 ...night after night, sleeping in the same bed. 1058 01:01:07,914 --> 01:01:10,540 You have four people in your bed. 1059 01:01:10,708 --> 01:01:13,418 I've had four people in my bed. 1060 01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:15,253 [MIRANDA GROANS] 1061 01:01:15,421 --> 01:01:16,672 No? 1062 01:01:16,839 --> 01:01:18,215 Well, ladies... 1063 01:01:18,383 --> 01:01:22,219 ...I am going to slap on a patch of melatonin... 1064 01:01:22,387 --> 01:01:24,680 ...and have a seven-star snooze. 1065 01:01:24,847 --> 01:01:27,933 -I will see you in the Middle East. -Night. 1066 01:01:28,101 --> 01:01:30,352 [SPEAKS IN ARABIC] 1067 01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,645 It means "good night." 1068 01:01:31,813 --> 01:01:33,522 [SPEAKS IN ARABIC] 1069 01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:37,025 I'm sorry. 1070 01:01:37,193 --> 01:01:38,819 Explain it again. 1071 01:01:38,986 --> 01:01:40,779 Just, what is it really about? 1072 01:01:44,534 --> 01:01:47,619 Big and I are just trying to make our own rules. 1073 01:01:47,787 --> 01:01:50,622 You know, figure out what works best for us as a couple... 1074 01:01:50,790 --> 01:01:52,874 ...not what society says should work for us. 1075 01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:55,293 Okay. God. 1076 01:01:55,461 --> 01:01:56,545 Charlotte... 1077 01:01:56,713 --> 01:01:58,964 ...we're adults with no children. 1078 01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:02,217 We have the luxury to design our own life. 1079 01:02:04,762 --> 01:02:07,973 But doesn't it hurt your feelings that he would want time off? 1080 01:02:12,603 --> 01:02:14,730 You just don't get it. 1081 01:02:26,075 --> 01:02:28,493 Somewhere over Africa... 1082 01:02:28,661 --> 01:02:30,996 ...I began to wonder about relationships. 1083 01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:37,586 Can we really ever expect anyone on the outside... 1084 01:02:38,171 --> 01:02:40,547 ...to understand what goes on between two other people? 1085 01:02:44,927 --> 01:02:49,306 Eight time zones and a change of clothes later, we arrived in the future. 1086 01:02:49,474 --> 01:02:52,184 Have any of you ladies ever been to the Middle East before? 1087 01:02:52,351 --> 01:02:55,270 No, we're all virgins. 1088 01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:01,193 Thank you. 1089 01:03:03,362 --> 01:03:07,157 Super, super, super gentle. Thank you, thank you. 1090 01:03:23,549 --> 01:03:25,050 I am sorry, but... 1091 01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:27,636 ...do you have any drugs in your luggage? 1092 01:03:27,804 --> 01:03:30,764 No. Just my hormones. 1093 01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,728 You gotta be kidding me. 1094 01:03:36,896 --> 01:03:39,815 I am sorry. It is just a UAE law. 1095 01:03:39,982 --> 01:03:42,943 But they're all natural. They're made from yams. 1096 01:03:43,528 --> 01:03:46,613 Ladies, these are not drugs. 1097 01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:51,535 Okay, I need to speak to an ambassador or an embassy... 1098 01:03:51,702 --> 01:03:53,578 ...or someone in menopause. 1099 01:03:53,746 --> 01:03:54,996 Samantha, please calm down. 1100 01:03:55,164 --> 01:03:59,292 -This is getting very, very Midnight Express. -Okay. Fine, take them. 1101 01:04:00,795 --> 01:04:04,548 Without those creams and vitamins, I will go ricocheting back into menopause. 1102 01:04:04,715 --> 01:04:08,426 -Relax, it's one week. -Tell that to the beard I'll be growing. 1103 01:04:08,594 --> 01:04:11,805 We've set your meeting with Sheikh Khalid for the end of your trip... 1104 01:04:11,973 --> 01:04:14,266 ...after you and your friends have experienced... 1105 01:04:14,433 --> 01:04:16,768 ...the best of what Abu Dhabi has to offer. 1106 01:04:16,936 --> 01:04:18,603 Which starts right now. 1107 01:04:18,771 --> 01:04:20,355 Yours for the entire trip. 1108 01:04:20,773 --> 01:04:23,275 Four new Maybachs. 1109 01:04:25,611 --> 01:04:27,445 Wow, do we need all four? 1110 01:04:27,613 --> 01:04:30,031 It is already arranged. 1111 01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:38,290 I'll be in my own private air conditioning. 1112 01:04:39,208 --> 01:04:42,627 I will be departing from you here. The hotel awaits your arrival. 1113 01:04:42,795 --> 01:04:46,464 If you need me for anything, please do not hesitate to ask. 1114 01:04:46,632 --> 01:04:48,466 Could you help me check and make sure... 1115 01:04:48,634 --> 01:04:51,052 ...that my iPhone has the proper international code? 1116 01:04:52,805 --> 01:04:56,892 I think that we can find someone not so official to help with that. 1117 01:04:57,310 --> 01:04:59,895 -He offered. -Hey, what's the holdup? 1118 01:05:00,062 --> 01:05:02,606 We got a lot of Abu Dhabi to do. 1119 01:05:02,773 --> 01:05:05,317 Abu Dhabi do. 1120 01:05:06,819 --> 01:05:08,069 Welcome to Abu Dhabi. 1121 01:05:08,237 --> 01:05:09,988 -Thank you. -Pleasure. 1122 01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:23,919 Oh, my God. 1123 01:05:58,663 --> 01:06:00,330 [CARRIE GASPS] 1124 01:06:00,498 --> 01:06:04,292 Oh, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. 1125 01:06:07,088 --> 01:06:08,254 Miss Jones? 1126 01:06:08,422 --> 01:06:10,090 I am Mr. Safir, the hotel manager. 1127 01:06:10,925 --> 01:06:13,802 -I trust your flight was pleasant? -Like a magic carpet. 1128 01:06:14,178 --> 01:06:16,221 -How charming. For you. -Oh, thank you. 1129 01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:18,056 -Please, for you. -Thank you. 1130 01:06:18,224 --> 01:06:20,100 Please-- Oh, thank you. 1131 01:06:20,267 --> 01:06:22,435 This way, if you please, ladies. 1132 01:06:22,603 --> 01:06:24,437 How do we tip in Abu Dhabi? 1133 01:06:24,605 --> 01:06:26,481 Have you got any loose rubies? 1134 01:06:27,984 --> 01:06:31,069 SAFIR: We have many wonderful things planned for you at the hotel. 1135 01:06:33,155 --> 01:06:35,991 CHARLOTTE: Oh. This is gorgeous. SAFIR: Thank you. 1136 01:06:36,158 --> 01:06:39,244 And, please, some Arabic coffee. 1137 01:06:39,412 --> 01:06:42,080 -Thank you. -Made with rose water and cumin. 1138 01:06:42,248 --> 01:06:43,289 [SPEAKS IN ARABIC] 1139 01:06:43,457 --> 01:06:44,624 That means "thank you." 1140 01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:47,085 -You speak Arabic? -Not yet. 1141 01:06:47,795 --> 01:06:49,921 SAFIR: Well, you're off to a great start. 1142 01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:54,843 It's different. 1143 01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:56,428 Not your cup of tea. 1144 01:06:56,595 --> 01:06:58,304 -What's with all the men? -Thank you. 1145 01:06:58,472 --> 01:07:00,265 SAFIR: Oh, the World Cup trials are here. 1146 01:07:00,433 --> 01:07:01,599 SAMANTHA: Wow. 1147 01:07:01,767 --> 01:07:04,936 -Did they also bring their balls? -Yes, they have many, many balls. 1148 01:07:05,271 --> 01:07:07,439 This way please, for your private elevator. 1149 01:07:07,606 --> 01:07:09,983 -We have a private elevator? -Apparently. 1150 01:07:13,779 --> 01:07:16,031 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 1151 01:07:25,082 --> 01:07:26,416 This can't be for us. 1152 01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:28,168 We must not be in the right place. 1153 01:07:28,335 --> 01:07:32,130 No, for once in my life, I can say without a shadow of a doubt... 1154 01:07:32,298 --> 01:07:35,633 ...I am in the exact right place. 1155 01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:40,847 Who ordered the cute? 1156 01:07:43,476 --> 01:07:45,143 Welcome to the Jewel Suite. 1157 01:07:45,603 --> 01:07:47,187 -Who is Miss Jones? -I am. 1158 01:07:47,354 --> 01:07:49,481 We are thrilled to welcome you and your guests. 1159 01:07:49,648 --> 01:07:51,566 -Thank you. GAURAU: Abdul will be your butler... 1160 01:07:51,734 --> 01:07:53,276 -...Miss Jones. -Mm. 1161 01:07:53,444 --> 01:07:55,320 -Miss Bradshaw? -Oh, that's me. 1162 01:07:55,488 --> 01:07:59,157 -I am Gaurau. I will be here to serve you. -Thank you. 1163 01:07:59,325 --> 01:08:00,992 And Resir for Miss Hobbes. 1164 01:08:01,535 --> 01:08:03,161 It's "Hobbes." 1165 01:08:03,329 --> 01:08:04,871 I'm so very sorry. 1166 01:08:05,289 --> 01:08:06,748 No, it's-- 1167 01:08:06,916 --> 01:08:08,917 It's not a big deal. It's fine. 1168 01:08:10,002 --> 01:08:11,336 And Adman for Miss York. 1169 01:08:13,005 --> 01:08:14,756 If you will, please, follow us. 1170 01:08:16,467 --> 01:08:19,552 -We each get our own butler? -Makes sense, we each get our own car. 1171 01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:23,306 Rotunda. Miss York, this way, if you will. 1172 01:08:24,308 --> 01:08:26,851 "York"? What happened to "Goldenblatt"? 1173 01:08:27,019 --> 01:08:29,687 -It's the Middle East. -It's the new Middle East. 1174 01:08:29,855 --> 01:08:32,649 It's the Middle East. 1175 01:08:33,526 --> 01:08:36,694 This is the den. Complete with its own private bar. 1176 01:08:36,862 --> 01:08:39,531 Ooh. Belly up, ladies. 1177 01:08:39,698 --> 01:08:41,241 [WOMEN LAUGHING] 1178 01:08:41,826 --> 01:08:45,411 There is also a private kitchen available for you day and night. 1179 01:08:45,579 --> 01:08:48,039 Dream come true. 1180 01:08:48,499 --> 01:08:52,460 In here, you will find your informal lounge. 1181 01:08:52,628 --> 01:08:54,754 [GASPING AND OOHING] 1182 01:08:54,922 --> 01:08:57,298 Through there, the double boudoir. 1183 01:08:57,466 --> 01:08:58,508 -Roomies. -Roomies. 1184 01:08:58,676 --> 01:09:01,886 And in here, the formal salon. 1185 01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:09,561 And, ladies, out on the terrace... 1186 01:09:14,108 --> 01:09:16,442 ...you have an overview of the entire grounds. 1187 01:09:16,610 --> 01:09:17,861 [WOMEN GASPING] 1188 01:09:18,028 --> 01:09:22,240 There's also a bar pool, five international restaurants, a spa... 1189 01:09:22,408 --> 01:09:24,117 ...a fitness center, a nightclub... 1190 01:09:24,285 --> 01:09:26,744 ...and, of course, the beach and beach clubs. 1191 01:09:26,912 --> 01:09:30,957 I've taken the liberty of arranging massages for you, followed by an early dinner. 1192 01:09:31,125 --> 01:09:34,294 Then you can have a good night's rest and wake up tomorrow fresh. 1193 01:09:34,461 --> 01:09:36,796 There's nothing I don't love about everything you just said. 1194 01:09:36,964 --> 01:09:38,631 [WOMEN LAUGHING] 1195 01:09:38,799 --> 01:09:42,427 Here is Abdul with drinks. If there is anything you need... 1196 01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:46,848 ...please do not hesitate to ask. We are at your service. 1197 01:10:05,701 --> 01:10:08,453 MIRANDA: The robes are called abayas... 1198 01:10:08,621 --> 01:10:12,498 ...and the veil that covers everything except the eyes is a niqab. 1199 01:10:12,666 --> 01:10:14,626 Certainly cuts back on the Botox bill. 1200 01:10:16,545 --> 01:10:21,799 "Women are required to dress in a way that does not attract sexual attention." 1201 01:10:23,719 --> 01:10:25,470 Samantha, you gotta.... 1202 01:10:25,638 --> 01:10:28,556 We're at the hotel. It's a free zone. 1203 01:10:28,724 --> 01:10:30,642 Still. Out of respect. 1204 01:10:32,728 --> 01:10:37,148 Well, I gotta say, I am digging the sequin trim on the Real Housewife of Abu Dhabi. 1205 01:10:37,566 --> 01:10:38,816 What's up with that? 1206 01:10:38,984 --> 01:10:43,655 Younger Muslim women are embracing old traditions in new and personal ways. 1207 01:10:44,698 --> 01:10:46,741 CARRIE: Well, I could get into the head wrap... 1208 01:10:46,909 --> 01:10:50,828 ...but the veil across the mouth, it freaks me out. 1209 01:10:51,330 --> 01:10:53,498 It's like they don't want them to have a voice. 1210 01:10:53,666 --> 01:10:54,999 Yeah, or hormones. 1211 01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:58,878 I cannot find one Internet hormone site that's not blocked. 1212 01:10:59,046 --> 01:11:01,005 At least you know your phone is working. 1213 01:11:01,173 --> 01:11:04,550 I can't get Harry to respond to any of my texts and it's not like him. 1214 01:11:04,718 --> 01:11:09,013 -But you called him when you arrived, right? -Yeah, but that was hours ago. 1215 01:11:13,143 --> 01:11:15,561 French fries for the lady with the veil. 1216 01:11:16,188 --> 01:11:18,523 How is she gonna do that? 1217 01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:24,070 A lift for every fry. 1218 01:11:24,238 --> 01:11:26,364 That is a major commitment to fried food. 1219 01:11:27,616 --> 01:11:29,117 What time is it in New York now? 1220 01:11:29,702 --> 01:11:31,703 Okay. Sweetie, you gotta stop. 1221 01:11:31,870 --> 01:11:33,705 -What do you mean? -You are obsessing... 1222 01:11:33,872 --> 01:11:37,709 ...about something that is happening 6700 miles away... 1223 01:11:37,876 --> 01:11:41,796 ...and you're missing the woman with the veil eating french fries at the next table. 1224 01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:44,632 Consider this an interfriendtion. 1225 01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:48,428 You have to stop obsessing about the nanny. 1226 01:11:48,595 --> 01:11:50,555 Well, it is all Samantha's fault. 1227 01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:54,225 I was perfectly happy and then she went and opened her big mouth. 1228 01:11:54,393 --> 01:11:56,185 Maybe we should get her a niqab. 1229 01:11:56,353 --> 01:11:58,771 Look, I warn you right now, don't come down on me. 1230 01:11:58,939 --> 01:12:00,732 With the jet lag and the no hormones... 1231 01:12:00,899 --> 01:12:04,027 ...who knows what kind of mood swings I'm capable of. 1232 01:12:06,572 --> 01:12:09,073 I like the necklace. 1233 01:12:09,658 --> 01:12:11,075 Hi. 1234 01:12:13,662 --> 01:12:16,748 [SNORING] 1235 01:13:03,170 --> 01:13:04,295 -Miss? -Ah! 1236 01:13:04,463 --> 01:13:06,214 Oh, God. 1237 01:13:07,674 --> 01:13:09,509 I'm so very sorry. 1238 01:13:09,927 --> 01:13:13,513 It's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't-- 1239 01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:16,140 I didn't expect you to still be here. 1240 01:13:16,308 --> 01:13:17,809 You did not dismiss me. 1241 01:13:17,976 --> 01:13:21,187 Oh. I was supposed to do that? 1242 01:13:22,022 --> 01:13:23,648 Oh. 1243 01:13:23,816 --> 01:13:25,483 I'm sorry, Gaurau, I didn't know. 1244 01:13:25,651 --> 01:13:28,528 It is my pleasure. What can I do for you? 1245 01:13:28,695 --> 01:13:32,115 Nothing, I was just gonna warm some milk up, but you go, go home. 1246 01:13:32,282 --> 01:13:34,367 No, no, allow me, please. I insist. 1247 01:13:36,787 --> 01:13:37,870 I will bring it to you. 1248 01:13:38,038 --> 01:13:39,997 Oh, you don't have to. I'll wait. 1249 01:13:50,175 --> 01:13:53,886 If you will permit me, might I suggest a touch of cinnamon? 1250 01:13:54,805 --> 01:13:56,556 It is a secret learned from my wife. 1251 01:13:58,183 --> 01:14:02,228 Well, please apologize to your wife for my keeping you here all night. 1252 01:14:02,396 --> 01:14:04,522 It is fine. She is in India. 1253 01:14:04,690 --> 01:14:06,399 CARRIE: Oh. 1254 01:14:06,567 --> 01:14:07,984 I will see her in one month. 1255 01:14:08,152 --> 01:14:11,696 I'm afraid if I apologize then, it will hardly make sense. 1256 01:14:14,450 --> 01:14:17,034 So you work here and you travel back and forth? 1257 01:14:17,202 --> 01:14:22,623 Yes. Every three months, when I have a break in work and can afford the plane fare. 1258 01:14:25,711 --> 01:14:26,878 Isn’t that hard? 1259 01:14:28,046 --> 01:14:29,213 What, miss? 1260 01:14:29,548 --> 01:14:33,634 Just, you know, being married and spending all that time apart. 1261 01:14:36,221 --> 01:14:38,181 Time does not matter. 1262 01:14:38,348 --> 01:14:41,893 When we see each other, each time... 1263 01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:43,644 ...it is very wonderful. 1264 01:14:45,939 --> 01:14:48,065 I'm a lucky man. 1265 01:14:53,739 --> 01:14:57,783 Okay, now I'm gonna try one of these little date confections. 1266 01:15:05,584 --> 01:15:07,627 I think my butler's gay. 1267 01:15:07,794 --> 01:15:10,505 -First, he's way too cute. -That's genetics. 1268 01:15:10,672 --> 01:15:13,591 I asked about his dating life and he said it was private. 1269 01:15:13,759 --> 01:15:15,134 That's appropriate. 1270 01:15:15,302 --> 01:15:18,262 When I asked how to pronounce his name he said: 1271 01:15:18,430 --> 01:15:20,765 "Abdul. Like Paula." 1272 01:15:20,933 --> 01:15:23,976 -And that's gay. -Yeah. 1273 01:15:24,144 --> 01:15:26,103 -Morning. MIRANDA: Morning. 1274 01:15:26,271 --> 01:15:27,939 -Morning. -How'd you sleep? 1275 01:15:28,690 --> 01:15:29,941 All right. 1276 01:15:31,652 --> 01:15:33,778 -Samantha, what are you eating? -Mm. Hummus. 1277 01:15:34,404 --> 01:15:38,449 I read online that chickpeas are high in natural estrogen. 1278 01:15:38,617 --> 01:15:41,452 So are yams. Paula Abdul's getting me some later. 1279 01:15:42,329 --> 01:15:44,205 Is she here too? 1280 01:15:45,374 --> 01:15:49,126 Good morning, miss. What can we bring you for breakfast? 1281 01:15:49,628 --> 01:15:51,128 Just some fruit, please. 1282 01:15:51,296 --> 01:15:53,047 Thank you. 1283 01:15:54,216 --> 01:15:56,175 He is so nice. What's his name again? 1284 01:15:56,343 --> 01:15:57,718 Gaurau. 1285 01:15:57,886 --> 01:16:01,472 He's from India. His wife still lives there. 1286 01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:04,976 They only see each other once every three months when they can afford it. 1287 01:16:05,143 --> 01:16:09,313 And I asked him if that was hard for them and he said: 1288 01:16:09,481 --> 01:16:11,107 "Time doesn't matter." 1289 01:16:11,275 --> 01:16:15,152 That each time they see each other it's wonderful. 1290 01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:18,823 So, see, there are all kinds of marriages. 1291 01:16:27,082 --> 01:16:29,917 Who's up for a morning trip to the souk in Old Abu Dhabi? 1292 01:16:30,085 --> 01:16:31,127 What's a souk? 1293 01:16:31,295 --> 01:16:34,380 It's a market where you can buy gold, spices... 1294 01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:36,507 ...textiles and souk things. 1295 01:16:36,675 --> 01:16:39,176 I'm in. One sip then souk. 1296 01:16:42,556 --> 01:16:44,098 Wow. 1297 01:16:44,266 --> 01:16:48,019 -Oh, it's so beautiful. -We'll be back in time for lunch. 1298 01:16:48,687 --> 01:16:51,063 -Thank you, Gaurau. MIRANDA: Thank you, Resir. 1299 01:16:51,231 --> 01:16:53,024 Got it. 1300 01:16:59,489 --> 01:17:01,782 You must not have a forbidden experience. 1301 01:17:02,159 --> 01:17:03,534 Oh, okay. 1302 01:17:03,702 --> 01:17:06,078 Men may approach you with black-market wristwatches. 1303 01:17:06,246 --> 01:17:10,374 If you engage them, they'll move you to a room and try to sell you items. It is illegal. 1304 01:17:10,542 --> 01:17:14,503 Other than that, you'll not have to worry. People here are very honest. 1305 01:17:15,130 --> 01:17:16,714 Driver. 1306 01:17:53,377 --> 01:17:55,169 [MIRANDA SPEAKS IN ARABIC] 1307 01:17:58,423 --> 01:18:01,008 CARRIE: Mm. Smells so good. -Yeah. 1308 01:18:06,723 --> 01:18:07,765 Ladies. 1309 01:18:07,933 --> 01:18:11,102 -Forbidden experience coming at you. -Ladies. Ladies. 1310 01:18:11,269 --> 01:18:12,603 -No, no. -Ladies. 1311 01:18:13,939 --> 01:18:15,439 No. 1312 01:18:17,442 --> 01:18:18,609 Oh. 1313 01:18:18,777 --> 01:18:21,028 And from the forbidden to the necessary. 1314 01:18:21,405 --> 01:18:22,613 I'll be going there. 1315 01:18:22,781 --> 01:18:26,826 Of course you will. I'm going back for more spices. I don't think I got enough. 1316 01:18:26,993 --> 01:18:28,661 Okay. 1317 01:18:35,794 --> 01:18:37,962 These are very pretty. 1318 01:18:38,130 --> 01:18:39,171 Do you speak English? 1319 01:18:39,339 --> 01:18:41,132 Yes. 1320 01:18:45,846 --> 01:18:49,140 May I try this? Thank you. 1321 01:18:50,684 --> 01:18:52,560 Let me just get them.... 1322 01:18:54,980 --> 01:18:56,355 Oh, thank you. 1323 01:19:00,485 --> 01:19:02,778 So, yes, yes. 1324 01:19:03,321 --> 01:19:04,822 I'll take them. 1325 01:19:04,990 --> 01:19:06,866 Thank you. 1326 01:19:07,409 --> 01:19:09,827 So pretty. 1327 01:19:13,957 --> 01:19:15,040 Just.... 1328 01:19:16,001 --> 01:19:17,084 Thank you. 1329 01:19:17,252 --> 01:19:19,712 So, for this, how much? 1330 01:19:19,880 --> 01:19:21,672 One hundred dirham. 1331 01:19:24,301 --> 01:19:26,177 -Twenty dollars? -Yes. 1332 01:19:27,179 --> 01:19:29,680 -For shoes? -Yes. 1333 01:19:30,891 --> 01:19:32,975 Okay, thank you. 1334 01:19:34,686 --> 01:19:37,980 That's 100. Thank you. 1335 01:19:38,815 --> 01:19:41,650 Oh, you know what, I'll just put the shoes in my purse. 1336 01:19:41,818 --> 01:19:44,653 Okay. I'm just gonna make room. 1337 01:19:45,363 --> 01:19:48,365 [MUEZZIN SINGING CALL TO PRAYER OVER SPEAKERS] 1338 01:19:53,538 --> 01:19:55,247 Is that the call to prayer? 1339 01:19:55,415 --> 01:19:57,374 Yes. 1340 01:20:13,391 --> 01:20:17,603 And there, in the middle of Old Abu Dhabi, was an old love. 1341 01:20:17,771 --> 01:20:19,772 -The guy hid them back there-- -Aidan. 1342 01:20:49,177 --> 01:20:51,345 This is the best mirage that I've ever had. 1343 01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:56,183 And I did some peyote once in Arizona that blew my head off. 1344 01:20:57,185 --> 01:20:59,061 Come here, you. 1345 01:21:01,273 --> 01:21:02,940 Is this allowed here? 1346 01:21:04,317 --> 01:21:05,442 What the--? 1347 01:21:05,610 --> 01:21:08,863 Abu Dhabi? What? You? Why? 1348 01:21:09,030 --> 01:21:14,660 Well, I heard about this amazing deal on shoes. 1349 01:21:15,370 --> 01:21:18,122 No, I'm here with the girls. 1350 01:21:18,290 --> 01:21:21,959 Yeah, Samantha worked us all in on her free PR trip. 1351 01:21:22,127 --> 01:21:24,295 And you? What...? 1352 01:21:24,462 --> 01:21:28,591 I'm on the third leg of a buying trip. Bali, India, here. 1353 01:21:28,758 --> 01:21:31,010 Yeah, I import rugs to sell with the furniture... 1354 01:21:31,177 --> 01:21:34,221 ...and I'm talking like I don't know you. Come here again. 1355 01:21:34,389 --> 01:21:36,307 Holy moly. 1356 01:21:43,356 --> 01:21:47,818 You know, Miranda's here with me, so, I don't-- 1357 01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:51,697 Shall we grab a kebab or a whatever? 1358 01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:56,577 Shoot. I have to eat lunch with my business partners. 1359 01:21:57,329 --> 01:22:02,750 And they don't cotton to the ladies at the lunches. 1360 01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:05,377 I knew I should've packed my burqa. 1361 01:22:06,212 --> 01:22:09,298 We're going to a different city after lunch. I'll be back tomorrow. 1362 01:22:09,466 --> 01:22:11,759 Can I take you out to dinner, just you and me? 1363 01:22:11,927 --> 01:22:13,761 Oh. Uh.... 1364 01:22:13,929 --> 01:22:16,388 Well, I don't really know what the girls have planned. 1365 01:22:16,556 --> 01:22:18,849 You know, Miranda's got us scheduled pretty.... 1366 01:22:19,017 --> 01:22:22,186 It's okay. Look, if you have the time... 1367 01:22:22,520 --> 01:22:26,815 ...the locals say that the restaurant at my hotel has the best muhammara in town. 1368 01:22:26,983 --> 01:22:28,859 That's my international cell. 1369 01:22:29,027 --> 01:22:31,362 International cell. 1370 01:22:31,780 --> 01:22:34,031 Look at you, all grown-up. 1371 01:22:35,450 --> 01:22:37,201 I should get going. 1372 01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:39,411 They consider it rude to keep people waiting here. 1373 01:22:39,579 --> 01:22:41,956 [CARRIE LAUGHS] 1374 01:22:43,708 --> 01:22:45,459 Bye. 1375 01:22:48,088 --> 01:22:51,256 They also consider it rude not to call an old boyfriend for dinner. 1376 01:22:56,429 --> 01:22:58,305 Carrie! 1377 01:22:58,890 --> 01:23:00,557 How weird is this? 1378 01:23:03,186 --> 01:23:05,229 SAMANTHA: How did he look? 1379 01:23:05,730 --> 01:23:08,107 Like no time had gone by. 1380 01:23:08,900 --> 01:23:11,318 -Did you tell him you and Big got married? CARRIE: Yes. 1381 01:23:11,486 --> 01:23:13,445 Those were the first words out of my mouth. 1382 01:23:13,613 --> 01:23:16,407 "Hey, we're here in Abu Dhabi and I married that man you hated." 1383 01:23:16,574 --> 01:23:17,908 [LAUGHING] 1384 01:23:18,076 --> 01:23:20,411 -Is he still married? -I have no idea. 1385 01:23:20,578 --> 01:23:22,204 Was he wearing a wedding ring? 1386 01:23:22,372 --> 01:23:23,747 I believe he was. 1387 01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:28,168 -Are you gonna have dinner with him? -We're here to spend time together. 1388 01:23:28,336 --> 01:23:30,754 -Just the four of us. CHARLOTTE: Right. 1389 01:23:32,757 --> 01:23:35,509 -Um, legs. -Miranda, I'm at the pool. 1390 01:23:35,677 --> 01:23:38,595 -What am I supposed to wear? -How about a burkini? 1391 01:23:40,765 --> 01:23:42,766 Yeah, they have them at the gift shop. 1392 01:23:42,934 --> 01:23:44,435 SAMANTHA: Forget about them. 1393 01:23:45,103 --> 01:23:46,770 Look. 1394 01:23:46,938 --> 01:23:50,774 Arriving at the pool, direct from a sweaty practice match: 1395 01:23:50,942 --> 01:23:52,609 The Australian rugby team. 1396 01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:56,321 Who ordered the Aussie sausage? 1397 01:24:11,379 --> 01:24:12,463 This is a disaster. 1398 01:24:13,214 --> 01:24:15,716 I have a whole pool of testosterone from down under... 1399 01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:18,052 ...and I'm not feeling anything down under. 1400 01:24:18,845 --> 01:24:22,639 It's official. The estrogen has left the building. 1401 01:24:22,807 --> 01:24:25,309 Okay, I am pulling an interfriendtion. 1402 01:24:25,477 --> 01:24:27,352 If I can't talk anymore about Harry... 1403 01:24:27,520 --> 01:24:29,813 ...then she can't talk anymore about hormones. 1404 01:24:30,774 --> 01:24:33,859 I can't eat any more yams. 1405 01:24:34,194 --> 01:24:35,235 Couldn't hurt. 1406 01:24:35,403 --> 01:24:39,073 Ladies, we came here to have fun together. 1407 01:24:39,240 --> 01:24:41,742 And I, being the type-A control freak that I am... 1408 01:24:41,910 --> 01:24:46,497 ...have planned a full day and night of big Abu Dhabi fun. 1409 01:24:46,664 --> 01:24:48,874 I am gonna turn this interfriendtion... 1410 01:24:49,042 --> 01:24:52,002 ...into an interfuntion. 1411 01:24:52,170 --> 01:24:53,504 [YELLS] 1412 01:24:53,671 --> 01:24:55,255 [YELLING] 1413 01:24:58,176 --> 01:24:59,218 Still nothing. 1414 01:25:19,239 --> 01:25:21,532 [YELLING] 1415 01:25:44,222 --> 01:25:45,472 Thank you. 1416 01:25:45,640 --> 01:25:47,933 Thank you, Gaurau. 1417 01:25:52,522 --> 01:25:55,399 -Oh, my. -You said we were going to lunch. 1418 01:25:55,567 --> 01:25:58,569 We are. Camels, then lunch. It'll be fun. 1419 01:25:58,945 --> 01:26:00,487 Not to not be fun... 1420 01:26:00,655 --> 01:26:03,740 ...but I'm not really dressed to get on a camel. 1421 01:26:03,908 --> 01:26:04,908 I've got that covered. 1422 01:26:07,871 --> 01:26:09,830 -What? -Gift of the hotel. 1423 01:26:09,998 --> 01:26:13,250 And don't worry, I had Abdul pick them out. 1424 01:26:13,418 --> 01:26:15,252 [WOMEN LAUGH] 1425 01:26:15,420 --> 01:26:17,254 Serious? 1426 01:26:18,006 --> 01:26:21,466 -Care to change in the Bedouin tent? -Bedouin, Bath and Beyond. 1427 01:26:22,177 --> 01:26:23,635 Still nothing. 1428 01:26:23,803 --> 01:26:26,263 CARRIE: Thank you, Gaurau, yes. 1429 01:26:26,431 --> 01:26:29,308 -This is very exciting suddenly. CHARLOTTE: Help. Wait, wait. Help. 1430 01:26:29,475 --> 01:26:31,602 Heels. Sand. Hot. 1431 01:27:32,747 --> 01:27:34,998 -I'm having a hot flash. -You're fine. 1432 01:27:35,166 --> 01:27:37,042 Seriously, they're starting. 1433 01:27:37,210 --> 01:27:39,628 Look, you're on a camel in the middle of the desert. 1434 01:27:39,796 --> 01:27:41,880 If you're not having a hot flash, you're dead. 1435 01:27:42,048 --> 01:27:44,424 -What do you think? -This is fabulous. 1436 01:27:44,592 --> 01:27:45,592 [PHONE CHIMING] 1437 01:27:45,760 --> 01:27:47,427 There's my phone. Oh, my God. It's my phone. 1438 01:27:47,595 --> 01:27:49,513 Who's her long distance provider? 1439 01:27:50,807 --> 01:27:53,350 Hello, Harry? What have you been doing? 1440 01:27:53,518 --> 01:27:57,062 I woke you up? Harry, wait. You're going in and out. 1441 01:27:58,064 --> 01:27:59,231 Can you hear me now? 1442 01:27:59,607 --> 01:28:00,732 Harry? 1443 01:28:00,900 --> 01:28:02,192 Miranda, I'm falling! 1444 01:28:03,194 --> 01:28:04,778 Sir, she's falling! 1445 01:28:05,697 --> 01:28:07,447 Are you okay? 1446 01:28:07,615 --> 01:28:08,865 -Thank you. -It's okay. 1447 01:28:09,033 --> 01:28:10,284 Are you all right? 1448 01:28:10,451 --> 01:28:12,411 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 1449 01:28:14,080 --> 01:28:15,455 Oh. 1450 01:28:15,623 --> 01:28:18,875 Wow, you have an actual camel camel-toe. 1451 01:28:22,130 --> 01:28:24,089 Oh, it's not that funny. 1452 01:28:24,549 --> 01:28:26,216 She's having a little sand wedge. 1453 01:28:29,220 --> 01:28:30,887 Harry? Hi! 1454 01:28:31,055 --> 01:28:33,432 Harry, are you there? I just fell off a camel. 1455 01:28:33,599 --> 01:28:34,850 Thank you, sir. 1456 01:28:35,018 --> 01:28:36,893 Did you get my texts? 1457 01:28:38,646 --> 01:28:43,066 It is amazing how much food and clothing four butlers can fit into four Maybachs. 1458 01:28:43,234 --> 01:28:45,235 -Thanks. -Enjoy. 1459 01:28:46,988 --> 01:28:48,572 Gorgeous. 1460 01:28:48,740 --> 01:28:51,742 To Fouad and Marzouk and-- 1461 01:28:51,909 --> 01:28:53,910 -Hatimi. -Hatimi. 1462 01:28:54,078 --> 01:28:55,078 -Yes. -Thank you. 1463 01:29:10,053 --> 01:29:12,512 My apologies, ladies, for disturbing your fun. 1464 01:29:13,222 --> 01:29:17,142 Gaurau, my friend, if you would do me the kindness of calling the hotel... 1465 01:29:17,310 --> 01:29:20,520 ...telling them I'll be an hour or two late. 1466 01:29:20,688 --> 01:29:22,397 My pleasure, sir. 1467 01:29:22,565 --> 01:29:24,691 What's the sense in a boring business dinner... 1468 01:29:24,859 --> 01:29:27,110 ...when you have sand dunes and sunset? 1469 01:29:28,446 --> 01:29:29,529 Am I right? 1470 01:29:29,697 --> 01:29:32,240 [RIKARD SPEAKING IN ARABIC] 1471 01:29:54,263 --> 01:29:55,722 You all saw that, right? 1472 01:29:55,890 --> 01:29:56,973 Well, I sure did. 1473 01:29:57,600 --> 01:29:58,975 Who's Lawrence of Arabia? 1474 01:29:59,143 --> 01:30:02,646 He's a Danish architect who stays at the hotel each time he's in Abu Dhabi. 1475 01:30:02,814 --> 01:30:05,816 -Very nice man. -Very hot man. 1476 01:30:05,983 --> 01:30:10,404 Well, ladies, I am definitely feeling something down under. 1477 01:30:11,280 --> 01:30:13,990 -No, don't, don't. SAMANTHA: And he's staying at our hotel. 1478 01:30:15,493 --> 01:30:17,494 Lawrence of my labia. 1479 01:30:26,170 --> 01:30:27,337 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 1480 01:30:27,505 --> 01:30:31,091 [SINGING] It feels like the first time 1481 01:30:31,259 --> 01:30:35,637 It feels like the very first time 1482 01:30:35,805 --> 01:30:40,016 It feels like the first time 1483 01:30:40,184 --> 01:30:43,687 It feels like the very first time 1484 01:30:43,896 --> 01:30:47,607 [MAN SINGING IN ARABIC] 1485 01:30:51,028 --> 01:30:53,572 Karaoke in the U.S., tired. 1486 01:30:53,739 --> 01:30:56,700 Karaoke in the Middle East, fresh. 1487 01:30:57,285 --> 01:31:01,788 Now, why are those women allowed to show their bellies and chests? 1488 01:31:01,956 --> 01:31:06,209 Well, from my research, there's some kind of nightclub-belly-dancer loophole. 1489 01:31:06,377 --> 01:31:10,213 Oh, those clever religious men. 1490 01:31:10,381 --> 01:31:13,300 Oh, excuse me. I mean, marhaba. 1491 01:31:13,843 --> 01:31:15,886 [SPEAKING IN ARABIC] 1492 01:31:18,306 --> 01:31:21,057 Okay. Could we get another round of champagne? 1493 01:31:21,225 --> 01:31:22,267 -Okay. -Okay. 1494 01:31:22,435 --> 01:31:23,810 Shukran very much. 1495 01:31:23,978 --> 01:31:27,063 Another round? You are fun in Abu Dhabi. 1496 01:31:27,231 --> 01:31:29,483 -I'm fun in New York. -Not for the last two years. 1497 01:31:29,650 --> 01:31:33,320 Oh, really? You think I'm fun now? Just wait. 1498 01:31:33,905 --> 01:31:37,657 It feels like the very first time 1499 01:31:38,159 --> 01:31:39,242 Give it up, people. 1500 01:31:39,410 --> 01:31:43,580 Give it up, Abu Dhabi. He's working hard, hard, hard for you. 1501 01:31:44,415 --> 01:31:47,751 Next we have four girls from America. 1502 01:31:48,920 --> 01:31:51,421 Ladies, you have to come to the stage now, please, oh. 1503 01:31:51,797 --> 01:31:55,800 -Put your hands together. Let's go. -It'll be fun. It'll be fun. Come on, come on. 1504 01:31:55,968 --> 01:31:57,636 We are waiting for you, America. 1505 01:31:58,679 --> 01:32:00,889 What song did you pick? What if I don't know it? 1506 01:32:01,057 --> 01:32:03,934 -Trust me, you know the song. -Are those ours? 1507 01:32:04,101 --> 01:32:06,520 They're going to sing for us. 1508 01:32:11,609 --> 01:32:12,609 [SINGING] I am w-- 1509 01:32:12,777 --> 01:32:15,529 -No, no, no. Not yet. -Wait for it. 1510 01:32:16,030 --> 01:32:17,239 Now. Now we come in. 1511 01:32:17,406 --> 01:32:19,616 [SINGING] I am woman, hear me roar 1512 01:32:19,784 --> 01:32:22,786 In numbers too big to ignore 1513 01:32:22,954 --> 01:32:28,375 And I know too much To go back and pretend 1514 01:32:28,543 --> 01:32:31,127 'Cause I've heard it all before 1515 01:32:31,295 --> 01:32:34,130 And I've been down there on that floor 1516 01:32:34,298 --> 01:32:39,427 And no one's ever gonna Keep me down again 1517 01:32:39,595 --> 01:32:43,056 No Yes, I am wise 1518 01:32:43,224 --> 01:32:46,142 But it's wisdom born of pain 1519 01:32:46,310 --> 01:32:48,520 Yes, I paid the price 1520 01:32:48,688 --> 01:32:50,981 But look how much I've gained 1521 01:32:51,148 --> 01:32:56,486 If I have to I can do anything 1522 01:32:56,654 --> 01:32:59,155 I am strong Strong 1523 01:32:59,323 --> 01:33:02,826 I am invincible Invincible 1524 01:33:02,994 --> 01:33:07,038 I am woman 1525 01:33:07,748 --> 01:33:10,333 -Pretty good, huh? -Yeah. 1526 01:33:11,002 --> 01:33:13,128 Everyone! 1527 01:33:14,380 --> 01:33:16,256 Standing toe to toe 1528 01:33:16,424 --> 01:33:22,053 As I spread my loving arms Across the land 1529 01:33:22,221 --> 01:33:25,348 I am still an embryo 1530 01:33:25,516 --> 01:33:27,851 With a long, long way to go 1531 01:33:28,019 --> 01:33:33,356 Until I make my brother understand 1532 01:33:33,524 --> 01:33:36,151 Oh, yes I am wise 1533 01:33:36,319 --> 01:33:38,903 But it's wisdom born of pain 1534 01:33:39,071 --> 01:33:41,698 Yes, I've paid the price 1535 01:33:41,866 --> 01:33:44,951 But look how much I've gained 1536 01:33:45,119 --> 01:33:50,206 If I have to I can do anything 1537 01:33:50,374 --> 01:33:52,917 I am strong Strong 1538 01:33:53,085 --> 01:33:55,920 I am invincible Invincible 1539 01:33:56,088 --> 01:33:58,298 I am strong Strong 1540 01:33:58,466 --> 01:34:01,593 I am invincible Invincible 1541 01:34:01,761 --> 01:34:07,098 I am woman 1542 01:34:08,559 --> 01:34:10,769 [CHEERING] 1543 01:34:13,230 --> 01:34:16,107 MAN: Those are the American women. I heard them roar. 1544 01:34:16,275 --> 01:34:17,942 Oh, my goodness. 1545 01:34:19,779 --> 01:34:24,407 I am a woman 1546 01:34:25,493 --> 01:34:29,496 I got that table 1547 01:34:33,918 --> 01:34:37,253 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 1548 01:34:42,677 --> 01:34:46,304 -That was quite a performance. -Oh, you haven't seen anything yet. 1549 01:34:47,515 --> 01:34:49,265 RIKARD: Hello again. -Hi. 1550 01:34:49,433 --> 01:34:52,936 Allow me to properly introduce myself. My name is Rikard Spirt. 1551 01:34:53,104 --> 01:34:55,271 Rikard. Isn’t that "Richard"? 1552 01:34:55,439 --> 01:34:58,942 -In Danish, yes. -So your name is Dick Spirt? 1553 01:35:01,278 --> 01:35:03,530 Could you be any more American? 1554 01:35:03,698 --> 01:35:04,989 I don't think so. 1555 01:35:07,993 --> 01:35:09,661 Care to join me for a drink? 1556 01:35:09,829 --> 01:35:13,456 Oh, I can't tonight. It's girls' night out. 1557 01:35:13,624 --> 01:35:15,834 But I do have tomorrow free... 1558 01:35:16,001 --> 01:35:18,002 ...all day and night. 1559 01:35:18,170 --> 01:35:21,506 Perhaps you'd be open for a late dinner. 1560 01:35:23,843 --> 01:35:25,051 I'd be open. 1561 01:35:27,096 --> 01:35:28,388 RIKARD: You're very funny... 1562 01:35:29,140 --> 01:35:30,557 ...Samantha. 1563 01:35:30,725 --> 01:35:33,393 -Ladies. -Good night. 1564 01:35:35,479 --> 01:35:36,813 Wow. 1565 01:35:37,148 --> 01:35:38,690 I gotta hand it to you, Samantha. 1566 01:35:38,858 --> 01:35:42,444 Not blowing us off for a guy in your condition... 1567 01:35:42,611 --> 01:35:44,028 ...very classy. 1568 01:35:44,196 --> 01:35:46,781 Well, we made a deal ages ago. 1569 01:35:46,949 --> 01:35:49,784 Men, babies, doesn't matter. 1570 01:35:49,952 --> 01:35:51,202 We're soul mates. 1571 01:35:53,456 --> 01:35:57,459 It was the perfect end to a perfect day. 1572 01:36:05,426 --> 01:36:07,343 -Good morning. -Good morning, miss. 1573 01:36:07,511 --> 01:36:10,513 -Where is everyone? -Oh, they're having breakfast on the terrace. 1574 01:36:15,895 --> 01:36:17,604 Is this Samantha's? May I? 1575 01:36:17,772 --> 01:36:19,022 As you wish. 1576 01:36:19,190 --> 01:36:20,398 Thanks. 1577 01:36:32,036 --> 01:36:37,040 "And on and on, one by one, she lampoons the traditional wedding vows." 1578 01:36:37,208 --> 01:36:38,583 Yeah. It's a satire. 1579 01:36:38,751 --> 01:36:39,918 And it's hilarious. 1580 01:36:40,753 --> 01:36:46,466 "Until the talented Bradshaw is better able to grasp the complexities of married life... 1581 01:36:47,092 --> 01:36:49,052 ...she would be better advised... 1582 01:36:49,220 --> 01:36:52,388 ...to explore the vow of silence." 1583 01:36:52,556 --> 01:36:53,556 Ugh! 1584 01:36:53,724 --> 01:36:56,059 And he would be better advised to go fuck himself. 1585 01:36:56,227 --> 01:36:57,769 God. 1586 01:36:57,937 --> 01:37:00,021 The New Yorker. 1587 01:37:00,189 --> 01:37:04,776 I have been carrying it around in my purse for 20 years. 1588 01:37:05,486 --> 01:37:08,279 And to make it worse, they turned me into a cartoon... 1589 01:37:08,447 --> 01:37:10,615 ...and slapped tape across my mouth. 1590 01:37:10,783 --> 01:37:11,908 SAMANTHA: Take it as a compliment. 1591 01:37:12,076 --> 01:37:15,495 You have a strong female voice and this guy is intimidated. 1592 01:37:16,747 --> 01:37:20,792 You know, I'm just realizing, it wasn't my tone of voice that my boss didn't like. 1593 01:37:20,960 --> 01:37:22,919 It was the fact that I had a voice. 1594 01:37:23,420 --> 01:37:26,381 Men in the U.S. pretend they're comfortable with strong women... 1595 01:37:26,549 --> 01:37:30,343 ...but really, a lot of them would prefer us eating french fries behind our veils. 1596 01:37:30,511 --> 01:37:32,554 -Word. -I should've just stuck to writing... 1597 01:37:32,721 --> 01:37:35,014 ...about what I know: Being single. 1598 01:37:35,182 --> 01:37:36,516 But you're not. 1599 01:37:36,684 --> 01:37:38,685 No, I'm married, and Big wants two days off. 1600 01:37:38,853 --> 01:37:40,687 -I thought you both wanted-- -Charlotte. 1601 01:37:41,897 --> 01:37:45,108 SAMANTHA: Well, there'll be other reviews. Fabulous reviews. 1602 01:37:45,526 --> 01:37:48,319 No. But right now, I need you to go shopping. 1603 01:37:48,779 --> 01:37:50,864 We have to find me something for my date. 1604 01:37:51,031 --> 01:37:54,492 Something sexy that doesn't show my tits, arms or belly. 1605 01:37:54,660 --> 01:37:55,702 [MIRANDA CHUCKLES] 1606 01:37:55,870 --> 01:37:58,121 -I think I'm gonna take a walk. -What about our spa day? 1607 01:37:58,289 --> 01:38:01,207 I'm not in the mood. Not in the mood. But you guys go, have fun. 1608 01:38:01,375 --> 01:38:03,126 Okay, I'll see you later. 1609 01:38:04,628 --> 01:38:06,546 -You sure? -Yeah. 1610 01:38:07,131 --> 01:38:10,133 -We have dinner reservations at 8. -Yeah. 1611 01:38:14,638 --> 01:38:16,055 Miss? 1612 01:38:16,223 --> 01:38:18,141 I'm going out. 1613 01:38:20,811 --> 01:38:23,521 I don't know how she got ahold of it. 1614 01:38:23,898 --> 01:38:25,815 No more yams. 1615 01:38:38,746 --> 01:38:40,663 GAURAU: Is there anything you'd like to do, miss? 1616 01:38:40,831 --> 01:38:42,832 CARRIE: No, thank you. 1617 01:38:45,419 --> 01:38:48,087 I think I'm gonna walk ahead, by myself. 1618 01:38:54,219 --> 01:38:57,430 I walked along the Abu Dhabi beach. 1619 01:38:58,182 --> 01:39:01,935 I had never felt so far away from home. 1620 01:39:02,728 --> 01:39:05,605 Or from myself. 1621 01:39:43,811 --> 01:39:45,228 -Hi. -Hi. 1622 01:39:45,396 --> 01:39:47,438 We missed you at the spa. How was your day? 1623 01:39:47,606 --> 01:39:50,066 -It was good. -Wow, you look great. 1624 01:39:50,776 --> 01:39:52,568 I'm meeting Aidan for dinner. 1625 01:39:53,028 --> 01:39:56,364 Oh, okay. We'll change our reservation to 5, then. 1626 01:39:56,532 --> 01:39:59,158 No, we're okay with four. Samantha's got that late date. 1627 01:39:59,326 --> 01:40:02,245 Not necessary, because we're having dinner at his hotel. 1628 01:40:02,913 --> 01:40:03,997 At his hotel. 1629 01:40:04,164 --> 01:40:06,791 Yeah. There's a great Middle Eastern place there. 1630 01:40:06,959 --> 01:40:10,753 It has the best, I don't know, something. 1631 01:40:11,213 --> 01:40:14,924 -Why are you having dinner with him? -How can I not have dinner with him? 1632 01:40:15,092 --> 01:40:18,261 We bump into each other halfway around the world? 1633 01:40:18,429 --> 01:40:21,264 -I mean, it means something. -It doesn't mean anything. 1634 01:40:22,516 --> 01:40:23,766 Are you serious? 1635 01:40:23,934 --> 01:40:28,438 You have been saying that everything means something for the last 20 years. 1636 01:40:28,605 --> 01:40:32,942 But seeing Aidan at a spice souk in the Middle East means nothing. 1637 01:40:34,778 --> 01:40:36,696 I think you're playing with fire. 1638 01:40:36,864 --> 01:40:41,117 Oh, my God. Now I'm playing with fire? All right, you've gone crazy. 1639 01:40:41,285 --> 01:40:44,537 Seriously, you're crazy in Abu Dhabi. 1640 01:40:44,705 --> 01:40:48,875 Just because you're worried about your marriage, everyone's gonna cheat. 1641 01:40:49,043 --> 01:40:50,376 Have a good time at dinner. 1642 01:40:54,048 --> 01:40:55,548 You okay? 1643 01:40:55,716 --> 01:40:59,177 Yeah. I'm just really, really tired. I'm gonna take a nap. 1644 01:40:59,344 --> 01:41:01,137 Take a nice, long nap. 1645 01:41:01,305 --> 01:41:04,182 And then I'll buy you a drink. How's 9 sound? 1646 01:41:05,309 --> 01:41:06,809 -Okay. -Okay. 1647 01:41:23,619 --> 01:41:25,286 Hi. 1648 01:41:26,997 --> 01:41:28,581 Hi. 1649 01:41:32,961 --> 01:41:34,003 Miss Hobbes. 1650 01:41:34,171 --> 01:41:37,840 I thought, "Why go to a bar when we have a bar?" 1651 01:41:38,675 --> 01:41:40,384 Thank you. 1652 01:41:41,720 --> 01:41:43,513 Thank you, Resir. You can go. 1653 01:41:45,182 --> 01:41:46,390 How was your nap? 1654 01:41:46,558 --> 01:41:47,683 I slept hard. 1655 01:41:47,851 --> 01:41:51,187 You needed it. Being a mother kicks your ass. 1656 01:41:51,355 --> 01:41:54,524 Yes, but the benefits make it worth it. 1657 01:41:58,362 --> 01:41:59,946 Okay. 1658 01:42:01,698 --> 01:42:05,785 -We're 6700 miles away from everyone. -Mm-hm. 1659 01:42:05,953 --> 01:42:09,247 -You can say it to me. I'm a mother too. -Say what? 1660 01:42:09,414 --> 01:42:13,626 All the things you're thinking, but you won't allow yourself to say out loud. 1661 01:42:14,128 --> 01:42:16,212 Okay. I'll go first. 1662 01:42:18,882 --> 01:42:21,342 As much as I love Brady... 1663 01:42:21,510 --> 01:42:25,096 ...and I do love him more than words... 1664 01:42:25,889 --> 01:42:29,475 ...being a mother is not enough. 1665 01:42:30,936 --> 01:42:32,228 I miss my job. 1666 01:42:36,191 --> 01:42:40,236 You're not gonna leave me hanging out feeling like the worst mother, are you? 1667 01:42:40,404 --> 01:42:42,071 Okay. 1668 01:42:45,450 --> 01:42:47,034 Well.... 1669 01:42:48,745 --> 01:42:51,539 -I love my girls. -I know that. 1670 01:42:51,707 --> 01:42:53,124 But... 1671 01:42:54,084 --> 01:42:57,670 ...I have enjoyed not having them around. 1672 01:42:58,005 --> 01:43:00,506 -I needed a break. -Yes, you did. 1673 01:43:01,508 --> 01:43:06,304 Rose cries all day, every day. 1674 01:43:06,471 --> 01:43:08,139 It's driving me crazy. 1675 01:43:08,307 --> 01:43:11,100 I have been watching you. I don't know how you're doing it. 1676 01:43:11,268 --> 01:43:14,604 Sometimes I go in the other room and I close the door... 1677 01:43:14,771 --> 01:43:17,106 ...and I just let her scream. Isn’t that awful? 1678 01:43:17,274 --> 01:43:19,525 No, that's survival. Take a sip. 1679 01:43:23,780 --> 01:43:25,448 And can I tell you something else? 1680 01:43:25,616 --> 01:43:26,699 I feel guilty. 1681 01:43:26,867 --> 01:43:30,703 I feel so guilty, because all I ever prayed for was to have a family. 1682 01:43:30,871 --> 01:43:33,456 And now I have these two beautiful girls. 1683 01:43:33,624 --> 01:43:34,790 And? 1684 01:43:34,958 --> 01:43:38,794 -They're driving me crazy. -Take a sip. 1685 01:43:41,840 --> 01:43:43,633 And I feel like I'm failing. 1686 01:43:43,800 --> 01:43:46,844 I just feel like I'm failing all the time. 1687 01:43:47,012 --> 01:43:48,137 You're not failing. 1688 01:43:48,305 --> 01:43:50,139 Being a mother is hard. 1689 01:43:50,307 --> 01:43:52,391 Oh, my God. It is so hard. 1690 01:43:52,935 --> 01:43:54,977 And I have full-time help. 1691 01:43:55,145 --> 01:43:57,980 How do the women without help do it? 1692 01:43:58,148 --> 01:44:00,900 I have no fucking idea. 1693 01:44:01,360 --> 01:44:03,319 -To them. -To them. 1694 01:44:06,323 --> 01:44:07,657 And when I-- 1695 01:44:07,824 --> 01:44:10,201 Oh, no, I can't. I can't. It's awful. 1696 01:44:10,369 --> 01:44:11,494 Sip. 1697 01:44:14,414 --> 01:44:15,957 Go. 1698 01:44:17,084 --> 01:44:19,919 When I heard Samantha say... 1699 01:44:20,087 --> 01:44:23,047 ...that Harry was gonna cheat on me with Erin-- 1700 01:44:23,215 --> 01:44:24,757 Yeah. 1701 01:44:24,925 --> 01:44:28,261 --my first thought was: 1702 01:44:28,762 --> 01:44:30,763 "I can't lose the nanny." 1703 01:44:31,932 --> 01:44:33,724 [LAUGHING] 1704 01:44:37,562 --> 01:44:40,648 We really should eat something. 1705 01:44:46,029 --> 01:44:49,198 I'm happy for you. For both of you. 1706 01:44:49,866 --> 01:44:51,784 Thank you. 1707 01:44:52,452 --> 01:44:53,577 That means a lot. 1708 01:44:55,580 --> 01:44:58,374 I have a confession to make. 1709 01:44:59,084 --> 01:45:00,584 I already knew you were married. 1710 01:45:01,253 --> 01:45:03,963 You let me go through all that? 1711 01:45:05,048 --> 01:45:08,259 Yeah, my wife showed me something on the internet. 1712 01:45:08,427 --> 01:45:12,972 You know, she always kind of kept one eye on you, the one that got away. 1713 01:45:22,274 --> 01:45:23,316 How is Kathy? 1714 01:45:23,734 --> 01:45:27,403 She's great. She's really amazing. 1715 01:45:28,613 --> 01:45:32,074 Her fabric business is through the roof, even with the three boys. 1716 01:45:32,826 --> 01:45:35,286 -Oh, my God. Three? -Yeah. 1717 01:45:35,454 --> 01:45:37,413 Homer, Wyatt and Tate. 1718 01:45:37,748 --> 01:45:39,415 Sounds like a country-music band. 1719 01:45:39,583 --> 01:45:41,584 Here's hoping. 1720 01:45:46,798 --> 01:45:48,632 Tate. 1721 01:45:52,137 --> 01:45:53,971 Wow. Aidan, they're amazing. 1722 01:45:54,139 --> 01:45:56,390 Yeah, they're good boys. 1723 01:45:56,558 --> 01:45:58,517 We're really lucky. 1724 01:46:01,396 --> 01:46:03,105 What about you? 1725 01:46:03,273 --> 01:46:04,440 Not in the cards? 1726 01:46:04,608 --> 01:46:06,233 I don't know. 1727 01:46:06,401 --> 01:46:10,279 We've talked about it a lot and both love kids, but... 1728 01:46:13,033 --> 01:46:14,784 ...that's not who we are. 1729 01:46:14,951 --> 01:46:18,454 Yeah, doesn't surprise me. You're anything but traditional. 1730 01:46:18,622 --> 01:46:21,123 I learned that when I tried to get you to wear a ring. 1731 01:46:21,291 --> 01:46:23,626 Exactly. And see? Still: 1732 01:46:25,128 --> 01:46:27,046 No diamond. 1733 01:46:27,714 --> 01:46:29,507 -And I'm married. -Man... 1734 01:46:29,674 --> 01:46:32,718 ...that was my big mistake. Trying to get a rock on you. 1735 01:46:36,014 --> 01:46:37,473 You're not like other women. 1736 01:46:39,851 --> 01:46:42,645 Man, are you not. 1737 01:46:47,442 --> 01:46:49,652 Fuck, you look good. 1738 01:46:50,445 --> 01:46:54,323 You look hot. I'm sorry, but you do. 1739 01:46:59,329 --> 01:47:00,079 Did you enjoy... 1740 01:47:00,330 --> 01:47:01,705 ...the muhammara? 1741 01:47:03,500 --> 01:47:06,085 That is the best muhammara I've ever had. 1742 01:47:08,130 --> 01:47:10,172 AIDAN: There's seven arches. 1743 01:47:10,340 --> 01:47:14,218 One to represent each of the different Arab Emirates. 1744 01:47:14,386 --> 01:47:18,347 I memorize a different state every time I come. I'm up to four now. 1745 01:47:18,723 --> 01:47:20,891 I got Abu Dhabi, Ajman... 1746 01:47:21,059 --> 01:47:24,520 ...Dubai and, um, hold on.... 1747 01:47:41,037 --> 01:47:42,037 I'm sorry. 1748 01:47:42,330 --> 01:47:44,081 No, I'm sorry. 1749 01:47:44,249 --> 01:47:47,209 -Oh, fuck. -Yeah, I should go. 1750 01:47:47,377 --> 01:47:48,752 I'm going. Bye. 1751 01:47:52,883 --> 01:47:53,883 Is this the way? 1752 01:48:10,192 --> 01:48:12,443 -How was your dinner, miss? -Yeah. 1753 01:48:15,071 --> 01:48:16,989 -I kissed Aidan. -I knew it. 1754 01:48:17,157 --> 01:48:18,908 I know you knew it. 1755 01:48:19,075 --> 01:48:20,409 I played with fire. 1756 01:48:20,869 --> 01:48:24,455 I'm so mad at myself. Is Samantha still here? I need everybody. 1757 01:48:24,623 --> 01:48:26,916 She's getting ready for her date. 1758 01:48:31,254 --> 01:48:32,421 Samantha! 1759 01:48:33,256 --> 01:48:35,007 In here. 1760 01:48:36,760 --> 01:48:40,054 I kissed Aidan. I'm freaking out. I need to talk. 1761 01:48:40,222 --> 01:48:41,680 I'm coming right out. 1762 01:48:41,848 --> 01:48:45,100 Paula, I need a towel. 1763 01:48:48,438 --> 01:48:50,940 One minute, he was naming the Arab Emirates... 1764 01:48:51,107 --> 01:48:53,817 ...and then, all of a sudden, we kissed. 1765 01:48:53,985 --> 01:48:58,113 -Did he kiss you? Or did you kiss him? -No, both. Both equally guilty. 1766 01:49:00,909 --> 01:49:04,620 -Yeah, I wanna call Big and tell him. -Let's just calm down for a second. 1767 01:49:04,788 --> 01:49:08,541 No, really. I don't want the secret. The secret to me makes it much worse. 1768 01:49:08,708 --> 01:49:12,503 So the sooner I tell him, the quicker, the less damage it will do. 1769 01:49:12,671 --> 01:49:15,798 I mean, we're eight hours ahead of New York. This is the future. 1770 01:49:15,966 --> 01:49:18,467 It hasn't really even happened there yet. 1771 01:49:20,804 --> 01:49:23,138 Well, now I'm crazy in Abu Dhabi. 1772 01:49:23,306 --> 01:49:25,975 So, what do you think? Should I call him? 1773 01:49:26,142 --> 01:49:27,810 CHARLOTTE: I don't know. 1774 01:49:27,978 --> 01:49:30,062 I don't know. 1775 01:49:30,480 --> 01:49:32,815 I don't know. 1776 01:49:33,775 --> 01:49:35,401 I'm a little drunk. 1777 01:49:35,569 --> 01:49:39,196 When Steve told me he cheated on me, I was devastated. 1778 01:49:39,364 --> 01:49:42,324 But now that I know it was only that one time.... 1779 01:49:42,492 --> 01:49:45,286 -Yeah? -Was the pain worth it? 1780 01:49:45,453 --> 01:49:48,497 -I don't know. -Yeah. I don't know. 1781 01:49:48,665 --> 01:49:50,374 SAMANTHA: Let's get something straight here. 1782 01:49:50,542 --> 01:49:52,001 Steve had sex. 1783 01:49:52,335 --> 01:49:53,836 I'm sorry, but he did. 1784 01:49:54,004 --> 01:49:56,672 And this was just a kiss. A kiss is nothing. 1785 01:49:56,840 --> 01:49:59,091 -A kiss with Aidan. -It was a kiss. 1786 01:49:59,259 --> 01:50:01,677 -We have a history. -It was just a kiss. 1787 01:50:01,845 --> 01:50:03,679 Say nothing. 1788 01:50:04,264 --> 01:50:05,389 I am gonna tell him. 1789 01:50:08,268 --> 01:50:09,893 Do me a favor... 1790 01:50:10,061 --> 01:50:12,313 ...and sleep on it. 1791 01:50:24,868 --> 01:50:26,869 Your first sheesha experience. 1792 01:50:27,412 --> 01:50:29,955 This is very exciting. 1793 01:50:30,123 --> 01:50:32,875 You put this pipe in your mouth-- 1794 01:50:33,043 --> 01:50:35,210 And suck? 1795 01:50:41,301 --> 01:50:43,135 You are a natural. 1796 01:50:57,067 --> 01:51:00,110 I think you have another audience. 1797 01:51:06,826 --> 01:51:09,578 Abu Dhabi is so cutting-edge in so many ways... 1798 01:51:09,746 --> 01:51:11,997 ...and so backward when it comes to sex. 1799 01:51:12,165 --> 01:51:14,249 And the paradox is... 1800 01:51:14,417 --> 01:51:19,004 ...I find myself to be most aroused on my trips here. 1801 01:51:19,172 --> 01:51:20,923 Do tell. 1802 01:51:22,759 --> 01:51:27,930 If we were in, say, Paris, or Madrid, right now... 1803 01:51:32,060 --> 01:51:36,271 ...I would be having my hand down your blouse, brushing your nipples. 1804 01:51:37,607 --> 01:51:40,984 But here, such things are forbidden. 1805 01:51:41,361 --> 01:51:44,446 And it's like being a boy again. 1806 01:51:48,284 --> 01:51:49,785 And are you a big boy? 1807 01:52:00,463 --> 01:52:01,547 Walk on the beach? 1808 01:52:02,048 --> 01:52:03,465 Oh, yes. 1809 01:52:03,633 --> 01:52:06,135 I need a walk on the beach. 1810 01:52:21,651 --> 01:52:24,528 Your top seems to have come undone. 1811 01:52:24,696 --> 01:52:26,405 [SPEAKING IN ARABIC] 1812 01:52:50,054 --> 01:52:52,806 [PHONE RINGING] 1813 01:52:59,022 --> 01:53:02,357 Well, it's 2:30 a.m. there. You still can't be jet-lagged. 1814 01:53:02,525 --> 01:53:04,401 Hi. 1815 01:53:05,195 --> 01:53:06,528 Something happened. 1816 01:53:07,030 --> 01:53:09,031 -Are you okay? -Yes. Yes. 1817 01:53:09,199 --> 01:53:13,786 Nothing accident-wise or anything. 1818 01:53:13,953 --> 01:53:15,704 But it was an accident. 1819 01:53:15,872 --> 01:53:18,499 What happened? Are you physically okay? 1820 01:53:18,666 --> 01:53:20,584 Yes, I'm-- 1821 01:53:21,211 --> 01:53:23,170 I'm fine. 1822 01:53:24,214 --> 01:53:29,510 I, uh, went to the spice market... 1823 01:53:29,677 --> 01:53:31,720 ...and I ran into Aidan. 1824 01:53:34,057 --> 01:53:36,558 -Hello? -Yes? 1825 01:53:36,726 --> 01:53:40,562 And we decided to have dinner... 1826 01:53:40,730 --> 01:53:47,236 ...because it was so strange to see each other there. 1827 01:53:47,737 --> 01:53:53,784 And at dinner we were talking about how happy we were in our marriages and-- 1828 01:53:53,952 --> 01:53:58,831 And when we went to say goodbye... 1829 01:53:59,749 --> 01:54:01,583 ...somehow... 1830 01:54:04,587 --> 01:54:05,629 ...we kissed. 1831 01:54:08,049 --> 01:54:10,968 It didn't mean anything... 1832 01:54:11,135 --> 01:54:13,679 ...and it lasted only a second. 1833 01:54:13,847 --> 01:54:16,598 And I'm sick about it. 1834 01:54:16,766 --> 01:54:20,269 And the girls didn't know if I should even tell you... 1835 01:54:20,436 --> 01:54:23,105 ...because it was just a kiss and it means nothing. 1836 01:54:23,273 --> 01:54:27,276 But I told them... 1837 01:54:27,443 --> 01:54:32,030 ...that I couldn't have a secret from you. That we don't have secrets. 1838 01:54:32,198 --> 01:54:36,869 And the secret would just make it worse. So.... 1839 01:54:37,537 --> 01:54:40,622 So I'm telling you. 1840 01:54:42,876 --> 01:54:47,462 And I feel awful. 1841 01:54:51,342 --> 01:54:53,635 And I'm sorry. 1842 01:54:58,808 --> 01:55:00,976 Please say something. 1843 01:55:03,897 --> 01:55:05,188 I'm at work, Carrie. 1844 01:55:05,523 --> 01:55:07,149 I have to go. 1845 01:55:07,317 --> 01:55:09,026 Goodbye. 1846 01:55:23,082 --> 01:55:25,876 [PHONE RINGS] 1847 01:55:26,044 --> 01:55:29,546 -Hi. I was gonna call you back. I just-- SAMANTHA: Carrie, this is outrageous. 1848 01:55:29,714 --> 01:55:31,506 -I've been arrested. -Wait, wait, wait. 1849 01:55:31,674 --> 01:55:34,217 -Samantha, wait. What's wrong? -You gotta get down here. 1850 01:55:37,764 --> 01:55:38,889 [GROANS] 1851 01:55:39,057 --> 01:55:40,182 Get up. 1852 01:55:40,350 --> 01:55:42,851 Samantha was arrested for having sex on the beach. 1853 01:55:43,019 --> 01:55:45,187 She's at hotel security and she needs a lawyer. 1854 01:55:45,355 --> 01:55:47,022 I'm on it. 1855 01:55:47,190 --> 01:55:48,857 No, no, no. That way. 1856 01:55:49,400 --> 01:55:52,027 We did not have sex. We were just kissing. 1857 01:55:52,195 --> 01:55:55,948 And this uptight couple told the security guard to arrest us. 1858 01:55:56,115 --> 01:55:58,867 See, kissing is something. It's illegal. 1859 01:56:00,453 --> 01:56:02,829 SAMANTHA: Oh, Mr. Safir, thank you so much for coming. 1860 01:56:02,997 --> 01:56:05,874 I'm so sorry about this unfortunate situation. 1861 01:56:06,042 --> 01:56:08,752 Ladies, if you don't mind waiting outside. 1862 01:56:08,920 --> 01:56:10,963 I'm her attorney. I'm gonna stay. 1863 01:56:11,547 --> 01:56:13,048 -Sure. -We'll be right outside. 1864 01:56:18,972 --> 01:56:24,226 -It's all right. -So, what is the severity of the situation? 1865 01:56:26,187 --> 01:56:30,065 The gentleman who reported the incident is very conservative... 1866 01:56:30,233 --> 01:56:33,735 ...and has insisted the offending event be recorded. 1867 01:56:34,195 --> 01:56:37,114 Offending event? It was kissing. 1868 01:56:37,281 --> 01:56:40,242 I understand your feelings. But we will need your passport. 1869 01:56:40,410 --> 01:56:43,286 My passport? You gotta be kidding me. 1870 01:56:43,454 --> 01:56:46,915 It's just to make a record. To satisfy the complaining gentleman. 1871 01:56:49,836 --> 01:56:52,421 This is outrageous. 1872 01:56:52,588 --> 01:56:53,588 I know. I know. 1873 01:56:54,757 --> 01:56:57,092 It was just a kiss. 1874 01:56:57,844 --> 01:56:59,428 Thank you. 1875 01:57:13,276 --> 01:57:15,277 I guess I really missed who I used to be... 1876 01:57:15,445 --> 01:57:18,989 ...and Aidan was such a big part of that and-- 1877 01:57:19,407 --> 01:57:22,200 Yes, I wanted the flirting, and, yes, I wanted the attention. 1878 01:57:22,368 --> 01:57:23,994 But I didn't want the kiss. 1879 01:57:24,162 --> 01:57:26,788 The minute I kissed Aidan I remembered who I used to be. 1880 01:57:26,956 --> 01:57:31,293 Someone just running around New York like a crazy person... 1881 01:57:31,961 --> 01:57:34,504 ...trying to get the one man I loved to love me back. 1882 01:57:36,174 --> 01:57:37,507 And now he does love me... 1883 01:57:37,675 --> 01:57:42,471 ...and he wants to sit on a couch in New York City with me. 1884 01:57:46,350 --> 01:57:50,020 And I really hope my past hasn't screwed up my future. 1885 01:57:52,440 --> 01:57:54,399 And what's so bad about a couch anyway? 1886 01:57:58,237 --> 01:58:01,531 Oh, my God. I'm having a mid-wife crisis. 1887 01:58:06,454 --> 01:58:09,664 I should never have said anything to him. 1888 01:58:09,832 --> 01:58:13,919 The New Yorker was right to slap a big piece of tape across my mouth. 1889 01:58:17,965 --> 01:58:21,551 And I'm sorry for that thing I said about your marriage earlier. 1890 01:58:21,928 --> 01:58:23,345 I'm sorry too. 1891 01:58:23,513 --> 01:58:25,263 For what? 1892 01:58:25,765 --> 01:58:29,184 For having an attitude about that two-day idea. 1893 01:58:30,019 --> 01:58:33,230 I've had two days away, I've gotten a little sleep... 1894 01:58:33,397 --> 01:58:37,025 ...and I am finally starting to feel like myself again. 1895 01:58:37,193 --> 01:58:40,112 I think there's really something to it. 1896 01:58:42,907 --> 01:58:44,032 Maybe. 1897 01:58:46,327 --> 01:58:49,663 Well, let's just hope Big doesn't want seven days off. 1898 01:58:52,708 --> 01:58:55,585 And as morning arrived, so did Samantha's release. 1899 01:58:55,753 --> 01:58:57,671 MAHMUD: I am sorry it took me so long to arrive. 1900 01:58:57,839 --> 01:58:59,548 SAMANTHA: Well, you're here now, Mr. Mahmud. 1901 01:58:59,715 --> 01:59:02,467 I never got word until I arrived at my office. 1902 01:59:02,635 --> 01:59:05,053 I'm sorry that you had to come all the way out here. 1903 01:59:05,221 --> 01:59:07,973 -Well, it is all settled now. -Thanks to you. 1904 01:59:08,641 --> 01:59:10,976 -Good to see you again, ladies. -Thank you so much. 1905 01:59:11,519 --> 01:59:13,353 I'm starving. 1906 01:59:13,521 --> 01:59:16,565 Hello? What's for breakfast? 1907 01:59:16,732 --> 01:59:20,068 Abdul? Anybody? 1908 01:59:20,236 --> 01:59:23,071 Well, that's odd. Where are they? 1909 01:59:23,239 --> 01:59:25,198 [PHONE RINGING] 1910 01:59:26,701 --> 01:59:28,243 -Hello? -Miss Jones, please. 1911 01:59:29,036 --> 01:59:30,495 Samantha. It's the front desk. 1912 01:59:33,082 --> 01:59:35,417 -This is Samantha Jones. -Miss Jones. 1913 01:59:35,585 --> 01:59:37,252 This is Beydoun at the front desk. 1914 01:59:37,420 --> 01:59:40,088 I will need a credit card number for the room charges. 1915 01:59:40,715 --> 01:59:43,008 Beydoun, there must be some mistake. 1916 01:59:43,176 --> 01:59:47,429 I am a guest of Sheikh Khalid. There is no room charge. 1917 01:59:47,597 --> 01:59:50,432 Yes, I have a record of that. But not from today on. 1918 01:59:50,600 --> 01:59:54,436 What are you talking about? I have a meeting with the sheikh on Tuesday. 1919 01:59:54,604 --> 01:59:59,065 Ah, yes. I have a note here from Mr. Mahmud. 1920 01:59:59,233 --> 02:00:01,985 That meeting is no longer as well. 1921 02:00:03,529 --> 02:00:06,114 That sneaky bastard has canceled the meeting... 1922 02:00:06,282 --> 02:00:08,700 ...and he wants us to pay for the room from now on. 1923 02:00:09,869 --> 02:00:12,454 We have you booked into the Jewel Suite until Wednesday. 1924 02:00:12,622 --> 02:00:14,956 The charge is 22,000 per night. 1925 02:00:15,917 --> 02:00:18,877 The room is $22,000 a night. 1926 02:00:19,712 --> 02:00:21,713 -What? -We can't pay that. 1927 02:00:23,090 --> 02:00:24,299 Let them sue me. 1928 02:00:24,467 --> 02:00:29,054 The punishment for not paying your hotel bill in the UAE is jail. 1929 02:00:32,391 --> 02:00:33,808 What time is checkout? 1930 02:00:33,976 --> 02:00:35,644 In precisely one hour. 1931 02:00:37,271 --> 02:00:41,566 We have an hour to pack and get the fuck out of Abu Dhabi. 1932 02:00:42,235 --> 02:00:43,318 CHARLOTTE: What? 1933 02:00:43,486 --> 02:00:45,570 What do you mean--? 1934 02:00:47,156 --> 02:00:48,865 New Middle East, my ass. 1935 02:00:52,620 --> 02:00:56,915 Fucking Paula Abdul. Where is she when you need him? 1936 02:00:59,377 --> 02:01:00,710 Samantha! 1937 02:01:06,509 --> 02:01:08,677 Samantha! 1938 02:01:08,844 --> 02:01:10,929 I can't be ready in an hour! 1939 02:01:11,097 --> 02:01:13,890 Then you better have $22,000 a night! 1940 02:01:14,934 --> 02:01:16,184 CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God. 1941 02:01:18,479 --> 02:01:20,522 All right. Okay. 1942 02:01:24,193 --> 02:01:26,778 I've got the bath products. 1943 02:01:27,947 --> 02:01:29,364 [KNOCKING] 1944 02:01:29,532 --> 02:01:32,742 MAN: Yes. Did you call about luggage? MIRANDA: They're here for the luggage. 1945 02:01:32,910 --> 02:01:36,037 CARRIE: Okay. I'm coming. 1946 02:01:47,508 --> 02:01:52,554 MIRANDA: Hi. I'm calling to reconfirm four first-class tickets. 1947 02:01:52,722 --> 02:01:53,930 SAMANTHA: Oh, Christ. CHARLOTTE: Are you okay? 1948 02:01:54,098 --> 02:01:57,726 MIRANDA: We were supposed to be leaving on Tuesday, but.... 1949 02:01:57,893 --> 02:01:59,561 CARRIE: Sir. 1950 02:01:59,729 --> 02:02:01,396 -Shorts? -I no longer care. 1951 02:02:01,564 --> 02:02:04,941 I am going from here to a plane to America, where legs are not the devil. 1952 02:02:05,109 --> 02:02:06,401 At least zip up the jacket. 1953 02:02:06,569 --> 02:02:09,487 I am having a hot flash in 119 degrees. I may die. 1954 02:02:09,655 --> 02:02:11,031 MAN: Yes, miss. -Hello. 1955 02:02:11,198 --> 02:02:13,658 We called down for two cabs going to the airport. 1956 02:02:13,826 --> 02:02:16,244 MAN: Right away. -Thank you. 1957 02:02:26,088 --> 02:02:28,923 Oh, how the mighty have fallen. 1958 02:02:29,091 --> 02:02:30,258 Oh, my God! 1959 02:02:30,426 --> 02:02:32,802 -What? -I forgot to buy Harry and the girls a gift. 1960 02:02:32,970 --> 02:02:35,680 -I've gotta run to the gift shop. MIRANDA: Get them at the airport. 1961 02:02:35,848 --> 02:02:39,142 How tacky. No, we have time. The plane doesn't leave till 6. 1962 02:02:39,310 --> 02:02:42,312 Not chancing it. It's a miracle I got these seats rebooked. 1963 02:02:42,480 --> 02:02:46,775 If anything goes wrong, we're flying back 13 and a half hours in coach. 1964 02:02:47,109 --> 02:02:48,860 Buy them some crap at the airport. 1965 02:02:49,945 --> 02:02:52,113 It's not here. My passport. 1966 02:02:52,281 --> 02:02:55,158 -Well, is it in another purse? -No, no. I had it right here. 1967 02:02:55,326 --> 02:02:58,286 I had it right here next to my money and the spices. 1968 02:02:59,205 --> 02:03:00,622 Well, they're not here either. 1969 02:03:04,460 --> 02:03:06,503 I left it where I bought the shoes. 1970 02:03:06,670 --> 02:03:10,131 I put it on the counter and then when I saw Aidan I got distracted and I-- 1971 02:03:10,299 --> 02:03:13,009 -It's all right. It's okay. -I have to go back to the souk. 1972 02:03:13,177 --> 02:03:15,804 -What if it's not there? -It will be there. It has to be. 1973 02:03:15,971 --> 02:03:17,263 -Miranda, go with me? -Sure. 1974 02:03:17,431 --> 02:03:19,474 -We'll all go. -You don't have to do that. 1975 02:03:19,642 --> 02:03:21,559 Yeah, like we'd dump you in Abu Dhabi. 1976 02:03:21,727 --> 02:03:25,313 Sir, we need to leave the bags here. We'll come back for them. 1977 02:03:25,481 --> 02:03:28,775 No, no, no. Um, um. La, la, la, la. 1978 02:03:31,153 --> 02:03:32,821 No, no. No. 1979 02:03:32,988 --> 02:03:34,322 My nails! 1980 02:03:35,199 --> 02:03:37,534 No, sir. No! Not at all. No. Not at all. 1981 02:03:37,701 --> 02:03:39,369 They're loading the other car! 1982 02:03:44,291 --> 02:03:47,085 Will you stop with the jacket? You're flashing religious men. 1983 02:03:47,253 --> 02:03:49,337 I don't care, I'm baking from the inside out. 1984 02:03:49,505 --> 02:03:51,172 How much farther? 1985 02:03:51,340 --> 02:03:54,134 There he is. Yeah, there he is. 1986 02:03:55,928 --> 02:03:58,346 Hello, sir. I was here the other day. 1987 02:03:58,514 --> 02:04:01,099 And I left a blue passport. 1988 02:04:04,520 --> 02:04:06,020 Yes! 1989 02:04:06,188 --> 02:04:08,857 Yes, that's me. Oh, thank God. Thank Allah. 1990 02:04:10,860 --> 02:04:14,863 -Just please accept this as a thank-you, sir. -No, no, no. 1991 02:04:16,323 --> 02:04:20,910 Oh, sir. Well, then, in that case, shoes for everyone. 1992 02:04:21,245 --> 02:04:23,288 Okay, ladies, on me. Quick, quick, quick. 1993 02:04:23,456 --> 02:04:24,706 Oh, thank you, sir. 1994 02:04:24,874 --> 02:04:27,417 MIRANDA: So I think this... 1995 02:04:27,585 --> 02:04:30,670 ...should lead us right out to Al Ben Abi Talib Street... 1996 02:04:30,838 --> 02:04:33,089 ...and we can get a cab back to the hotel and go. 1997 02:04:33,257 --> 02:04:34,716 -And how are we for time? -Good. 1998 02:04:37,094 --> 02:04:40,221 Hello, miss. Rolex? Special price. 1999 02:04:40,389 --> 02:04:41,931 Make beautiful gift for man. 2000 02:04:43,392 --> 02:04:46,644 -Do you have it in silver? -Yes. Upstairs. Come. 2001 02:04:46,812 --> 02:04:48,480 -This one or this one. -Not this one. 2002 02:04:48,647 --> 02:04:49,772 -Oh, craps. -Wait! 2003 02:04:49,940 --> 02:04:52,233 -I think it's-- -Charlotte's buying a watch. 2004 02:04:52,401 --> 02:04:53,902 MAN: Miss. 2005 02:04:54,737 --> 02:04:55,904 -Welcome. CARRIE: Excuse us. 2006 02:04:56,071 --> 02:04:59,073 MAN: Ladies, come this way. Upstairs. CARRIE: Wait, wait, wait. Hello? 2007 02:05:00,951 --> 02:05:02,994 We're with them. 2008 02:05:03,412 --> 02:05:04,871 Them. Them. 2009 02:05:05,039 --> 02:05:06,498 Okay. 2010 02:05:09,585 --> 02:05:11,794 MAN 1: We have many designer bags. 2011 02:05:11,962 --> 02:05:14,589 MAN 2: Right through there. MAN 1: Very good, very nice. 2012 02:05:14,757 --> 02:05:16,549 -You really enjoy this store. MAN 2: Yes. 2013 02:05:16,717 --> 02:05:18,760 MAN 1: Please, have seat. Please. MAN 2: Very good. 2014 02:05:18,928 --> 02:05:20,762 -Yes. -Welcome. 2015 02:05:20,930 --> 02:05:22,013 -Thank you. -This is.... 2016 02:05:23,766 --> 02:05:27,185 Carrie. This is the watch you gave Big, right? This could be Harry's gift. 2017 02:05:27,520 --> 02:05:29,771 No. Mine was vintage. We should go. We should go. 2018 02:05:29,939 --> 02:05:31,940 -We have ladies' watches too, huh? -Yeah. 2019 02:05:32,107 --> 02:05:34,776 We really, really need to go right now. 2020 02:05:34,944 --> 02:05:36,945 Is there any air in here? 2021 02:05:37,112 --> 02:05:39,364 -I have many other kinds. -No, I'm so sorry. 2022 02:05:39,532 --> 02:05:41,699 We're going to miss our plane, so nothing. 2023 02:05:41,867 --> 02:05:43,117 Thank you. Thank you. 2024 02:05:43,285 --> 02:05:44,786 -Beautiful. -You want watch, yes? 2025 02:05:44,954 --> 02:05:47,205 -No, no, no. She didn't want anything. -No. 2026 02:05:47,373 --> 02:05:48,706 -Sorry. -Thank you, though. 2027 02:05:48,874 --> 02:05:50,792 Go. Then go. 2028 02:05:51,585 --> 02:05:53,711 -We have to go. -No, you have to put this on... 2029 02:05:53,879 --> 02:05:55,672 -...before we go outside. -You go. 2030 02:05:55,839 --> 02:05:57,382 -Sorry. -No purse? No purse? 2031 02:05:57,550 --> 02:06:01,970 -Thank you, sir. -No purse? Purse? No purse? 2032 02:06:09,103 --> 02:06:10,311 -It's forbidden. -What? 2033 02:06:10,479 --> 02:06:12,021 It-- 2034 02:06:12,189 --> 02:06:14,357 [MUEZZIN SINGING CALL TO PRAYER OVER SPEAKERS] 2035 02:06:14,525 --> 02:06:16,985 -What's that? -It's the call to prayer. 2036 02:06:17,152 --> 02:06:18,319 Hey, lady! 2037 02:06:20,364 --> 02:06:23,324 Hey, you! Hey, you. I see you steal this. 2038 02:06:23,492 --> 02:06:25,368 -This is mine! -I seen you take it! 2039 02:06:25,536 --> 02:06:27,745 SAMANTHA: I didn't steal it! It's mine! 2040 02:06:33,752 --> 02:06:35,587 You broke my Birkin! 2041 02:06:36,171 --> 02:06:37,547 Sorry. Mistake. 2042 02:06:50,686 --> 02:06:53,896 Condoms! Condoms, yes! Condoms! 2043 02:06:55,816 --> 02:06:58,526 -I have sex! -Okay, okay. 2044 02:06:58,694 --> 02:07:00,903 -Samantha. -Yes! Yes! 2045 02:07:04,241 --> 02:07:06,284 I have condoms! 2046 02:07:07,202 --> 02:07:08,703 Here they are! 2047 02:07:09,830 --> 02:07:10,872 Bite me! 2048 02:07:16,003 --> 02:07:19,297 -Bite me! Oh, bite me! -No, no, no. 2049 02:07:22,092 --> 02:07:24,260 MIRANDA: Go, go. Keep going. 2050 02:07:25,554 --> 02:07:27,221 Put your jacket on. 2051 02:07:27,389 --> 02:07:30,892 CARRIE: You're worried about getting old? You're exactly the same as when I met you. 2052 02:07:31,060 --> 02:07:33,936 -Yes, I am. Good for me. -Oh, they're following us. 2053 02:07:34,104 --> 02:07:37,190 Yes, because that was major disrespect. And it's against the law. 2054 02:07:37,358 --> 02:07:39,609 -So, what do we do? -Just keep walking and pray... 2055 02:07:39,777 --> 02:07:41,778 ...no one calls a cop. 2056 02:07:52,247 --> 02:07:54,415 I think they want us to follow them. 2057 02:07:58,545 --> 02:08:00,129 -I think we should. MIRANDA: Okay, go. 2058 02:08:00,297 --> 02:08:01,631 CHARLOTTE: Okay. 2059 02:08:13,394 --> 02:08:16,270 All right. All right. Here we go. 2060 02:08:22,903 --> 02:08:24,445 Hello. 2061 02:08:29,535 --> 02:08:31,536 You are welcome, you are welcome. 2062 02:08:31,704 --> 02:08:33,454 [SPEAKING IN ARABIC] 2063 02:08:34,957 --> 02:08:36,958 That was quite a show outside. 2064 02:08:37,126 --> 02:08:38,167 Terrible. 2065 02:08:38,335 --> 02:08:40,044 So disrespectful. 2066 02:08:40,212 --> 02:08:41,504 Yes. 2067 02:08:42,464 --> 02:08:43,798 I quite enjoyed it. 2068 02:08:44,466 --> 02:08:50,513 -And the men will be outraged for weeks. -For months. Some, perhaps years. 2069 02:08:52,349 --> 02:08:55,017 Could I bother you for a glass of water? I'm burning up. 2070 02:08:55,185 --> 02:08:57,145 -Yes. -Hot flashes. 2071 02:08:58,981 --> 02:09:01,566 Yeah. She knows. 2072 02:09:01,734 --> 02:09:03,901 Have you read this? 2073 02:09:05,154 --> 02:09:08,072 We are discussing it in our book club today. 2074 02:09:08,240 --> 02:09:09,866 -Suzanne Somers. -Suzanne Somers. 2075 02:09:10,033 --> 02:09:11,492 -Suzanne Somers. -Suzanne Somers. 2076 02:09:11,660 --> 02:09:13,703 Lady gets around. 2077 02:09:14,580 --> 02:09:15,705 They took my creams. 2078 02:09:18,625 --> 02:09:21,169 I take it you are visiting from the United States? 2079 02:09:21,336 --> 02:09:24,380 -New York City. -New York? 2080 02:09:27,009 --> 02:09:29,635 Carnegie Hall, Fifth Avenue. 2081 02:09:33,348 --> 02:09:34,849 You've been to New York? 2082 02:09:35,476 --> 02:09:37,185 No. 2083 02:09:37,936 --> 02:09:40,229 But we love the fashion. 2084 02:09:47,696 --> 02:09:49,113 -Louis Vuitton. -Yes. 2085 02:09:49,281 --> 02:09:51,199 Yes. 2086 02:09:52,701 --> 02:09:57,288 And there, in a dried-flower shop, halfway across the world... 2087 02:09:57,456 --> 02:10:00,166 ...underneath hundreds of years of tradition... 2088 02:10:00,334 --> 02:10:02,710 ...was this year's spring collection. 2089 02:10:02,878 --> 02:10:04,921 -So beautiful. -So pretty. 2090 02:10:13,013 --> 02:10:16,557 -What'd she say? What'd she say? -Something, something, Arab women. 2091 02:10:16,725 --> 02:10:20,394 Would you like anything to drink? Coffee, tea? Anything, really. 2092 02:10:21,605 --> 02:10:24,774 Sorry. If we don't leave now, we'll miss our flight. 2093 02:10:24,942 --> 02:10:28,110 But what about those angry men out there? 2094 02:10:28,278 --> 02:10:30,738 How are we gonna get past them? 2095 02:10:35,828 --> 02:10:37,078 CARRIE: All clear. 2096 02:10:37,246 --> 02:10:39,038 MIRANDA: This way. 2097 02:10:46,880 --> 02:10:48,798 It's this way. 2098 02:10:50,259 --> 02:10:52,218 Hey, where's Charlotte? 2099 02:10:52,553 --> 02:10:54,136 -She was behind you. -No, I know. 2100 02:10:54,304 --> 02:10:58,266 I'm gonna fucking kill her. If we miss that flight, we're flying home coach. 2101 02:10:58,433 --> 02:11:02,144 Shoes, the shoes. Look for her shoes. She was wearing purple peep-toe platforms. 2102 02:11:02,312 --> 02:11:03,521 -Got it. -Right. 2103 02:11:10,529 --> 02:11:12,363 There she is. 2104 02:11:13,615 --> 02:11:14,991 Charlotte! 2105 02:11:15,158 --> 02:11:17,493 Look! For the girls! 2106 02:11:18,203 --> 02:11:19,954 MIRANDA: Taxi! 2107 02:11:21,874 --> 02:11:24,584 -Taxi! CARRIE: Don't women here take cabs? 2108 02:11:24,751 --> 02:11:26,168 Taxi! 2109 02:11:26,336 --> 02:11:30,047 Why won't they stop? We're out of time. We're gonna get bumped from first class. 2110 02:11:30,215 --> 02:11:32,133 I can't be in menopause and in coach. 2111 02:11:33,468 --> 02:11:36,178 I have an idea. Hold this. 2112 02:11:36,346 --> 02:11:38,639 -What's she doing? -I don't know. 2113 02:11:49,943 --> 02:11:51,277 CARRIE: Oh, hurry. SAMANTHA: Get in. 2114 02:11:51,445 --> 02:11:52,445 MIRANDA: I'll get in the front. 2115 02:11:52,571 --> 02:11:54,280 CHARLOTTE: Thank you so much. Thank you, sir. Oh, yes. 2116 02:11:54,531 --> 02:11:58,367 MIRANDA: We're going to the Taj Al Saharaa. 2117 02:12:07,044 --> 02:12:08,794 Thank you. 2118 02:12:12,507 --> 02:12:14,592 Do you have anything to declare? 2119 02:12:14,760 --> 02:12:16,677 Yes. I'm a mess. 2120 02:12:19,056 --> 02:12:20,848 Thank you. 2121 02:12:22,434 --> 02:12:24,852 WOMAN: Do you have anything to declare? 2122 02:12:26,021 --> 02:12:30,024 Turns out, Big never met me at the airport like he promised. 2123 02:12:30,192 --> 02:12:32,693 -Thank you, William. -No problem, Mrs. Preston. 2124 02:12:52,839 --> 02:12:54,548 John? 2125 02:12:58,220 --> 02:13:00,972 No Big and no TV. 2126 02:13:05,852 --> 02:13:07,728 LILY: Here comes Mommy. HARRY: Here comes Mommy. 2127 02:13:07,896 --> 02:13:10,106 -Hey, there she is. LILY: Mommy, hi. 2128 02:13:10,273 --> 02:13:13,401 HARRY: Let's say hello, let's say hello. -Oh, I missed you so much. 2129 02:13:13,568 --> 02:13:16,445 -Hi! Baby Rose. HARRY: Hello, my love. 2130 02:13:16,613 --> 02:13:19,782 -I missed you so much. ROSE: Mommy. 2131 02:13:36,258 --> 02:13:37,925 [LINE RINGING] 2132 02:13:38,093 --> 02:13:41,053 BIG [ON RECORDING]: I can't pick up, so please leave me a message. 2133 02:13:41,221 --> 02:13:43,806 Hi, it's me. I'm home. 2134 02:13:44,141 --> 02:13:45,933 Where are you? 2135 02:13:59,239 --> 02:14:00,865 [DOOR OPENS] 2136 02:14:16,715 --> 02:14:18,466 Hi. 2137 02:14:19,926 --> 02:14:21,469 Where you been all day? 2138 02:14:23,221 --> 02:14:25,222 Walking around. 2139 02:14:26,558 --> 02:14:28,476 Killing time. 2140 02:14:31,271 --> 02:14:32,480 Torturing you. 2141 02:14:34,149 --> 02:14:35,149 Well, it worked. 2142 02:14:36,651 --> 02:14:39,487 -I thought you weren't gonna come back. -Oh, no. 2143 02:14:40,113 --> 02:14:42,114 I'm a grownup. 2144 02:14:42,532 --> 02:14:43,824 And I made a vow. 2145 02:14:44,826 --> 02:14:46,494 Remember? 2146 02:14:46,995 --> 02:14:48,996 Ever thine, ever mine. 2147 02:14:49,164 --> 02:14:50,539 Ever ours. 2148 02:14:59,508 --> 02:15:01,509 Just so you know... 2149 02:15:02,427 --> 02:15:04,345 ...that really tore me up. 2150 02:15:04,679 --> 02:15:06,722 I'm sorry. 2151 02:15:07,891 --> 02:15:10,601 You know, it seems to me that you're a bit of a rookie... 2152 02:15:10,769 --> 02:15:13,020 ...when it comes to this whole marriage idea. 2153 02:15:13,855 --> 02:15:16,023 And maybe in light of what happened... 2154 02:15:16,191 --> 02:15:19,360 ...until you get a better understanding of what this is all about... 2155 02:15:19,528 --> 02:15:21,779 ...you need a little reminder. 2156 02:15:25,158 --> 02:15:27,701 This is your punishment. 2157 02:15:29,996 --> 02:15:34,041 You have to wear this every day so that you remember... 2158 02:15:34,918 --> 02:15:35,960 ...you're married. 2159 02:15:37,546 --> 02:15:39,296 Gladly. 2160 02:15:41,383 --> 02:15:43,384 It dawned on me when I was walking around... 2161 02:15:43,552 --> 02:15:47,096 ...that while you wrote a funny book about vows... 2162 02:15:47,264 --> 02:15:50,683 ...you never actually wrote any vows from you to me. 2163 02:15:51,393 --> 02:15:53,060 Oh, I did. 2164 02:15:53,228 --> 02:15:56,313 But then that wedding never happened. 2165 02:15:58,233 --> 02:16:00,985 I guess we all make stupid mistakes. 2166 02:16:04,030 --> 02:16:05,656 You were saying. 2167 02:16:05,824 --> 02:16:07,449 Vows. 2168 02:16:08,201 --> 02:16:11,370 I took the liberty of making up some vows for you. 2169 02:16:11,538 --> 02:16:14,248 Repeat after me, please. 2170 02:16:14,416 --> 02:16:17,334 I will never kiss another man other than my husband. 2171 02:16:17,502 --> 02:16:20,254 I will never kiss another man other than my husband. 2172 02:16:20,422 --> 02:16:23,382 I will stop worrying about being a boring old married couple... 2173 02:16:23,550 --> 02:16:25,926 ...because we never will be. 2174 02:16:26,094 --> 02:16:30,181 I will stop worrying about being a boring old married couple... 2175 02:16:30,348 --> 02:16:32,850 ...because we never will be. 2176 02:16:33,435 --> 02:16:35,102 Are you sure? 2177 02:16:35,687 --> 02:16:38,230 It's gonna be just us two. 2178 02:16:39,608 --> 02:16:41,025 Are we enough? 2179 02:16:42,068 --> 02:16:43,777 Kid... 2180 02:16:44,279 --> 02:16:45,779 ...we're too much. 2181 02:16:50,952 --> 02:16:52,536 How's that for a little sparkle? 2182 02:16:54,080 --> 02:16:56,457 That's a lot of sparkle. 2183 02:16:59,336 --> 02:17:01,462 Why'd you get a black diamond? 2184 02:17:01,880 --> 02:17:04,298 Because you're not like anyone else. 2185 02:17:05,592 --> 02:17:07,009 That's a relief. 2186 02:17:07,177 --> 02:17:10,763 I thought you were gonna say it's the color of my soul. 2187 02:17:15,727 --> 02:17:19,980 And, like it always will, time moved us on. 2188 02:17:20,982 --> 02:17:22,024 And in the future-- 2189 02:17:22,192 --> 02:17:25,402 MIRANDA: I am proud to report that the settlement we attained... 2190 02:17:25,570 --> 02:17:28,781 ...for Global Families Incorporated surpassed their expectations. 2191 02:17:28,949 --> 02:17:33,661 --Miranda learned that at the right law firm, where her voice was valued... 2192 02:17:33,828 --> 02:17:37,039 ...she was also fun at work. 2193 02:17:38,917 --> 02:17:43,045 And that July 4th, on an East Hampton sand dune... 2194 02:17:44,381 --> 02:17:48,509 ...Samantha learned that good things do come to those who wait... 2195 02:17:48,677 --> 02:17:54,515 ...when she and Rikard resumed their date in the land of the free... 2196 02:17:56,393 --> 02:17:58,394 ...and the home of the hormones. 2197 02:17:58,561 --> 02:18:00,854 [SAMANTHA MOANING] 2198 02:18:05,360 --> 02:18:09,488 And Charlotte learned that she never really had anything to worry about. 2199 02:18:09,656 --> 02:18:15,202 Turns out, her hot nanny preferred the company of other hot nannies. 2200 02:18:15,370 --> 02:18:17,454 SAMANTHA: Stanford, here's a refresher. -Yes, please. 2201 02:18:17,622 --> 02:18:20,833 -Happy birthday. -What are you doing? You drank it all? 2202 02:18:21,001 --> 02:18:23,043 And as Rose turned 3... 2203 02:18:27,507 --> 02:18:31,135 ...and our marriage grew out of the terrible twos... 2204 02:18:31,303 --> 02:18:36,223 ...Big and I found less and less need to escape to the other apartment. 2205 02:18:39,936 --> 02:18:42,771 But we kept the option open. 2206 02:18:42,939 --> 02:18:46,400 Just in case someone needed those two days off. 2207 02:19:02,375 --> 02:19:04,793 As for me, I began to think of marriage... 2208 02:19:04,961 --> 02:19:08,756 ...much like the Real Housewife of Abu Dhabi's veil. 2209 02:19:08,923 --> 02:19:14,136 You have to take the tradition and decorate it your way. 2210 02:19:18,600 --> 02:19:20,392 WOMAN [ON TV]: --trying to make up my mind for me. 2211 02:19:20,560 --> 02:19:22,936 MAN: Well, stop it and do as I tell you. 2212 02:19:24,105 --> 02:19:26,315 WOMAN: Leopold. -Never take a stubborn woman... 2213 02:19:26,483 --> 02:19:29,443 ...they're a curse. My mother warned me against stubborn women. 2214 02:19:29,611 --> 02:19:30,611 WOMAN: Leopold. 2215 02:19:30,779 --> 02:19:33,655 MAN: Now, stop following me or I'll call the police. 2216 02:19:37,786 --> 02:19:41,789 CARRIE: Because while movies may be wonderful in black and white... 2217 02:19:41,956 --> 02:19:44,124 ...when it comes to relationships... 2218 02:19:44,292 --> 02:19:48,587 ...there's a whole range of colors and options to explore. 2219 02:19:48,755 --> 02:19:52,216 And that's where I am today. 2220 02:26:20,313 --> 02:26:22,314 [ENGLISH - US - SDH] 169346

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