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1
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Have you met Rosalie Cotter?
Started Monday.
2
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- Don't start, she's all right.
- You think?
3
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,396
- Yeah.
- Brilliant! She fancies you!
4
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,436
She's lovely, you'll get on a storm.
5
00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,229
- Why would l stop paying? He's my kid.
- There's stuff about insurance.
6
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- For what?
- Could get run over tomorrow.
7
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Watch out for a Ford Mondeo.
8
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She's really nice.
9
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For fuck's sake! Tell her
you take it up the arse and get out!
10
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,668
Nathan, he's a cunt.
11
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,194
He doesn't give a toss about anyone.
12
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,760
l was there all night and l really like you.
He doesn't even know you!
13
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,593
Nathan, l've had you.
14
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,358
The thing about Alexander,
he's a bit camp. But he's nice.
15
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:24,592
Mind you, saying he's a bit camp's
like saying Hitler was a bit naughty.
16
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You'll like him -
and he's been single for ages.
17
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He's dying for a boyfriend.
18
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,958
Just ignore the voice. And the volume.
19
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And don't get him drunk. lf he does
get drunk, run for the hills. Hiya!
20
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,271
Ooh, hiya! Oooh!
21
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,477
Look, this is me suit!
Hundred quid. Bargain!
22
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,676
Miss Corke's wardrobe by Kamizole!
23
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,830
Vince!
24
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:52,914
- Ooh, you look dreadful!
- This is Phil. Alexander, Dane.
25
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,831
- Dane, Alexander. Phil.
- Hi.
26
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,434
Hiya. Vince, nice handbag.
27
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,478
This is Alfred, so it's no smoking.
28
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,516
Oh, it's a little baby Stuart!
29
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,909
Bet l'm infertile.
30
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,310
Phil's the one l told you about.
He met David Beckham.
31
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,837
Oi, come here! This is Lee.
Ain't he beautiful? Cheekbones.
32
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,150
Lee, this is Vince and what was it?
33
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,549
- Phil.
- Vince and Phil!
34
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(Speaking Japanese)
35
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Perfect boyfriend - shags like a rabbit,
can't understand a word! Fab!
36
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,516
Love job. We met in the club.
37
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,398
- What club?
- Mile high.
38
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Whoo!
39
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,158
(Stuart) 'Get rid of them.'
(Vince) 'You invited them!'
40
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:42,597
- l was drunk! Can't they stay with you?
- 'l've only got one bedroom.'
41
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,513
- Tell them l'm busy or something.
- You tell them.
42
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l'm taking Alfred to the lesbians.
43
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:54,110
lf the man phones about the roof,
l can get time off on Thursday
44
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,350
or your dad can see him on Friday.
45
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,192
- Nathan?
- Yeah.
46
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Thursday or Friday. Got that?
47
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:04,399
Helen, don't unwrap that, it's not for you.
Come on, party time.
48
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,199
(TV) 'When do you shrink me down?'
(Janice) Bye!
49
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,510
'Shrink you? Who is this guy?!'
50
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,991
- 'Are you OK in here, boy?'
- 'Yeah, l guess.'
51
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:18,551
- (Straining) 'Am l there yet?'
- 'A little further.'
52
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,111
Yeah, hi. This is Stuart Jones.
53
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,875
Stuart's got this taxi account.
He said use it.
54
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,556
l've been all round. l went to that pen
shop in Heaton Moor. lt's all on him.
55
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:35,030
God, he must really love you.
56
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:38,192
- How much have you spent?
- Like it says, 1 7.40.
57
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,636
You what? l thought that was the time!
58
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,633
- (Alfred crying)
- You're gonna see your mummy.
59
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,676
- Hiya.
- Hi.
60
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:51,878
You've Canada Dry, Stuart,
there's a bottle by the fridge.
61
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,916
All right, l'll go to the offy.
62
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,753
Did he spend a single second
with his own son?
63
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,832
- He left him with you, didn't he?
- l've got to go.
64
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,196
- Thanks, Vince.
- You're more of a father than he is.
65
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,397
(Vince) Port?
Who the fuck's drinking port?
66
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,233
One! Two! Three!
67
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,073
(Speaking Japanese)
68
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,798
Tsukkachimattayo.
69
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:25,111
(Man) 'He's saying the same thing.
He's a bit mad.'
70
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,795
Put Stuart back on. Stuart, OK?
71
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,838
(Alexander) Tokyo, New York...
(Sandra) 'Stuart!'
72
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,876
- So?
- 'l'm fed up!'
73
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:39,159
'lt's a Saturday, you drag me into work!
Anyway, this Lee, he's like a prostitute.
74
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,196
'He wants Alexander to pay him.'
75
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,919
- He's having sex for money.
- Kane!
76
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,639
What's that mean?
He keeps on saying ''kane''.
77
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,553
- What's ''kane''?
- What's ''kane''?
78
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,359
- (Man) 'Money.'
- Money.
79
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,035
lt's Japanese for love.
He's completely in love with you.
80
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,239
Bless!
81
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,796
Can you pull in, please?
82
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,440
- What is it?
- That's Romey!
83
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:11,638
She's the mother and she's a lesbian.
She's a lesbian and she's a mother!
84
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,473
She's a lesbian mother, that's her!
85
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,830
(Stuart) Do you have to unpack?
lt's like a refugee camp.
86
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,753
- l found it. This is the one.
- (Alexander) Ooh, fab!
87
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:28,038
(Stuart) Do we have to?
(Alexander) Shut up! Dane, get Kleenex.
88
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,752
(Bell tolls)
89
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,796
- Which end's her feet?
- This end.
90
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,838
(Phil) There's so many flowers
you can't tell.
91
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,876
lt's this end.
92
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,111
l met her once, at this charity thing.
93
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,397
lf it's this end,
they carried her in feet first.
94
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,074
They'd go head first, royalty.
95
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,833
l'd like to think that
at the moment she died,
96
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,229
her entire life flashed before her
97
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,595
and she caught a little glimpse of me.
98
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,798
Ooh, fast forward,
let's have a look at Elton's eyebrow.
99
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:06,509
So if that's his kid
and he's your boyfriend,
100
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,556
that makes you...
101
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sort of stepfather.
102
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My God, you're a stepfather!
103
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,715
Why don't we just go and say hello?
104
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,713
What?
105
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,075
He finished with me.
106
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,516
l looked a complete mong.
107
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,556
He laughed in my face.
108
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,676
My boyfriend dumped me.
109
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,910
l didn't sit around moping.
110
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,276
l went straight out
looking for the next one.
111
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,351
What boyfriend?
112
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,829
lt was in infant school.
113
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,156
You said Canal Street.
114
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,196
lt'll be chock-a-block.
115
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:59,398
You're that nice-looking
you'll find a bloke in no time.
116
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,358
- Would they let me in?
- Course they would.
117
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,715
There you are. l'll come with you.
118
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,268
l'm not pretending l'm a lesbo, mind.
119
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,511
l seen Kate Moss on that advert.
l felt nothing.
120
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,160
He'll be there, laughing.
121
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,714
- Go on, prove it.
- lt's true!
122
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,349
What's it called? lt's like a muscle.
The ejaculation muscle.
123
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,396
Like any muscle it gets worn out.
124
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,074
When you're 20 you can shoot it
over your shoulder
125
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,913
but 30, you're lucky
if it fills your bellybutton.
126
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,639
- God, that's true.
- We're so old.
127
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,156
- l still get it over my shoulder.
- That's an athlete's muscle.
128
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:43,156
l read this problem in Attitude - ''ls there
any way to make your cock bigger?''
129
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,798
As if! The answer says just lose weight.
130
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:50,429
- No!
- For every 30lb, you gain one inch.
131
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,829
A whole inch for 30lb of fat.
132
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,908
- Anyone for desserts?
- (All) No, thanks.
133
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,788
l snogged a woman once.
lt was like kissing the Body Shop.
134
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,590
Pity. l've been saying for ages
about you and Alexander,
135
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,148
then he turns up with Fu Manchu.
136
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,391
- Dane's quite nice.
- Do you think? And he's rich.
137
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,436
- ls he?
- Worth a try, Phil!
138
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:19,229
l don't stand a chance.
He's all tight T-shirts and thin.
139
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,311
l'm eating for two. No chance.
140
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,358
ls Dane the one that shagged Stuart
and wet the bed?
141
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,238
No, that was David. Damp David.
142
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,551
Would you shag him? Stuart.
143
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:35,316
Oh, get off. lmagine the next morning.
Wouldn't be able to look at each other.
144
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,119
- What, cos you've had sex?
- Yeah.
145
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,510
Having sex with someone
means you can't look 'em in the eye?
146
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Can do.
147
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,518
This way you can look at him
all the time. Barney!
148
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,592
What a shirt!
Get an outside aerial, you could fix that.
149
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,272
- How you doing?
- Not too bad.
150
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,355
(Nathan) lt's on account.
151
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,676
Thanks a lot.
152
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,349
Come here.
lf there's blokes kissing, don't stare.
153
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,989
And if there's men that look like women,
don't stare at them.
154
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,993
lf you see Stuart, don't even look at him.
That's if he's there.
155
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,039
l mean, he won't be there, probably.
Just don't look.
156
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:32,159
$ Why not try to see things
from a different angle?
157
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:36,438
$ Your life is a sham
until you can shout out
158
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:41,071
$ l am what l am... $
159
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:45,278
- What do you think? Feeling lucky?
- Manchester? Dregs of humanity.
160
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,716
- Wouldn't shag one of 'em.
- No, l suppose not.
161
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,030
Jesus Christ! Look at that!
162
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,796
Ooh, l'd stick me head up his arse
and wear him like a hat.
163
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,677
(ln Japanese)
164
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,354
$ l am what l am
165
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,115
$ And what l am needs no excuses
166
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,394
$ l deal my own deck
167
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:12,712
$ Sometimes the ace,
sometimes the deuces
168
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,553
$ lt's one life and there's no return... $
169
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,598
That's my night sorted,
what are you lot gonna do?
170
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,148
This place, they let anyone in!
171
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:25,358
Call security! The bitch has got free!
Restrain her!
172
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,830
- Put your arms round a woman for once.
- You'll start a rumour!
173
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,350
(Donna) You said don't look.
174
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,795
He's not that nice anyway.
175
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,520
l thought he was taller.
176
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,670
You could do much better.
177
00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,116
(Hazel) Catch you later.
(Alexander) Ta-ra.
178
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,230
- Hello?
- Oh! Who the fuck are you?
179
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,118
(Bernard) Who the fuck are you?
What are you like?
180
00:10:55,200 --> 00:11:00,069
Right, l'm a friend of Vince's, l was with
him - me and him and Stuart -
181
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,515
in here, the other night.
182
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,516
l'm Nathan, this is Donna.
183
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:09,559
Will you park yourself or shift yourself?
You're spoiling the view.
184
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,598
l've got ten quid on Stuart
pulling that bloke.
185
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,592
Stuart doesn't have
the copyright on shagging.
186
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,558
- Get in there first.
- l wouldn't stand a chance.
187
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,359
Shut up. lf you could just see yourself.
188
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,079
What is this? Have-a-go-at-Vince night?
189
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,240
l don't believe it. Stuart.
190
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,315
lt's that Nathan, talking to my bloody
mother. What's he doing?
191
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,029
- (Stuart) Nothing to do with me.
- l always get the shit.
192
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:42,671
- You shag him, he ends up stalking me.
- Leave him alone, he's all right.
193
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,479
He's all right? He's all right?
194
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,949
l beg your pardon? He's what?
195
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,349
Zip it up, will you?
196
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,795
Fuck! Where's he gone?
197
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,836
That's your fault, Vince.
198
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:58,196
$ Oh, young hearts run free... $
199
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,113
Oh, my God, Vince!
What are you doing here?
200
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,475
- Hiya.
- l'm with Lucy.
201
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:08,270
She's getting married next week.
What's it like, this place?
202
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,592
Yeah, l'm just, erm, looking.
lt's the first time that l've ever...
203
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:17,229
- lt's a bit of a shock, isn't it?
- All them pretty boys.
204
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:22,110
- Watch yourself, they'll try and turn you!
- Yeah, l'm sick of it, really.
205
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,794
- l've seen enough.
- Have a drink with me.
206
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,713
No, l... l'm going, thanks.
207
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,756
See you, then.
208
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:42,030
Work alert, we're going. See you outside.
209
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:46,238
lt's that bloody Rosalie.
This place is getting so straight.
210
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,356
$ Who wants to live it
in trouble and strife... $
211
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,396
Hang on.
212
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,598
$ My mind must be free
to learn all that l can about me
213
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,432
$ Yeah, yeah... $
214
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,476
Excuse me, it's Rosalie, yeah?
215
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,270
Hiya, l'm a friend of Vince's.
216
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,590
l just wanted to say, like...
217
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:06,636
(Whispers) He likes you.
218
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:10,872
$ ..what's really goin' on today
219
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,509
$ Yeah, yeah,
say l'm gonna turn loose... $
220
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,556
Bastard.
221
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:22,431
$ How can l turn loose when l just can't
break away, yeah, yeah, yeah
222
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:23,873
$ Young hearts... $
223
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:28,431
At school, right, they all go to this pub
on the corner, like it's clever,
224
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:32,399
and they all sit there drinking cider
like it's dead grown-up.
225
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,790
They haven't got a clue!
They'd die in here.
226
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,189
Right, we'd better go.
227
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,635
Suppose they're all off clubbing.
228
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,956
Where does Vince go?
229
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,554
Saturday night? Babylon.
230
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,996
- Yeah, l might go there.
- (Bernard) Got membership?
231
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,355
Do you need membership?
232
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,510
Here, have it.
233
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,068
- Keep it, l'm sick of it.
- (Hazel laughs)
234
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,720
lf they ask,
your name's Bernard Thomas.
235
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,876
(Cashier) Thank you.
236
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,915
- What's your name?
- Bernard Thomas.
237
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,150
Date of birth 1946?
238
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,674
Looking good, Bernard. Eight quid.
239
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,910
($ lndigo: Haven't You Heard)
240
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,517
$ l need warmth and a lot of love
241
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,317
$ l need warmth and a lot of love
242
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,072
$ l need warmth and a lot of love
243
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:52,230
$ l need warmth and a lot of love
244
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:18,469
$ l've been lookin' for you
$ Haven't you heard?
245
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:26,155
$ Oh, l've been lookin' for you
$ Haven't you heard?
246
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:33,594
$ Oh, l've been lookin' for you
$ Haven't you heard?
247
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:40,636
$ Oh, l've been lookin' for you... $
248
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,870
(Music continues, muffled)
249
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,675
- Oh, nice.
- lt's off Mickey Blake.
250
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,672
He can get anything -
he got me speed an' all.
251
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,309
And he got me episode three
of Planet Of The Daleks in colour.
252
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:04,110
The BBC's only got it in black and white
cos they burnt it but Mickey Blake?
253
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,237
He said he could get episode four
of The Tenth Planet.
254
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:11,233
That's a classic,
no one's seen it since 1966.
255
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,153
There are no words for how sad you are.
256
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,116
(Donna) ''975, can l buy you a drink?
From 373.''
257
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,476
- Go on, go and find him.
- l'm not bothered.
258
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,120
lt's what you come here for, isn't it?
259
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,675
373 might be our age.
260
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,035
That Stuart, he's ancient.
261
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,076
Go on.
262
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,356
Good luck.
263
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,476
(Donna) Eurgh!
264
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,794
Have you seen Lee? He's wandered off.
265
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:38,236
- Well, he's not up there.
- Try over there. Come on.
266
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,914
He can't speak English, he'll get lost.
267
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,796
(Phone)
268
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,993
Yes?!
269
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,196
What's the Japanese for slut?
270
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:22,029
Bastard fucking Jap!
l'm taking out economic sanctions.
271
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,475
That Yoji suit is going straight back.
272
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,915
l'm copping off tonight if it kills me.
273
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,956
Oh, yes!
274
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,991
Oh, shit.
275
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,834
He's back again! He really is stalking us.
276
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,276
- This is getting creepy.
- Cos he goes to Babylon?
277
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,316
Yeah, that's so unusual(!)
278
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,153
(Alexander) Oh, my God!
There's a better one!
279
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:51,518
Him there in the silver top. Blimey!
Chance'd be a fine thing.
280
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,270
Sometimes you see these men.
281
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,909
You see them and you think,
''That's it! That's him!''
282
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,878
You don't even talk to him,
you never see him again,
283
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,916
he doesn't even know you exist.
284
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,549
But you think about that man
for the rest of your life.
285
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,356
Bastard!
286
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,556
He doesn't even have to try.
287
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,069
(Alexander) He's not!
(Dane) He can't!
288
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,469
He can!
289
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,516
(lnaudible)
290
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,596
He's not having 'em both?!
291
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,951
You don't understand.
292
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,035
(Phil) What does he say to 'em?
293
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:43,908
lf we knew that...
lf we knew the magic words...
294
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,355
But he says 'em for all of us.
295
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:43,631
He cops off with anyone, that Stuart.
He'll be riddled.
296
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:48,271
- You're better off without.
- You saw him. He's the best.
297
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,638
l've had the best.
Come on, let's go home.
298
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,676
Nah, let's get chips.
299
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,436
(Phil) Taxi!
300
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,636
Hey!
301
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:06,679
Hey!
302
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,320
Oh, sorry, was that yours?
303
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,278
- Dunno.
- Oh...take it.
304
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,590
Saw you in Babylon.
305
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,636
- Where are you going?
- Withington.
306
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,075
So am l.
307
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,912
Go halves?
308
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,036
OK.
309
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,676
Nice place.
310
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,558
- What's this again, Fallowfield?
- (Vince) Yeah.
311
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,189
l don't know my way round,
l've only been here a couple of months.
312
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,032
- l'm at the BBC.
- Oh?
313
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:56,475
- Doing what?
- Director on the Travel Show.
314
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,678
l've just spent two weeks in
South America with Duffy from Casualty.
315
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,797
Fantastic! Brilliant! Oh, my God!
316
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,836
Do you want a drink?
317
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,071
- Got a gin and tonic?
- Yep. Sit yourself down.
318
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,756
(Alexander) Oh, stop moaning.
319
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:20,197
lf you fancy a threesome at this time
of night you can't be choosy.
320
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,791
We'll cope. We can cope. Just as long
as we don't touch each other.
321
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,235
l don't want you even looking.
322
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:38,074
Well, l have to look.
Might end up sucking the wrong cock.
323
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,516
- And don't you suck mine.
- l've no intention.
324
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,150
(Door crashes)
325
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,076
(Door crashes)
326
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,438
(Laughs nervously) Nice.
327
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,435
You've done all right, haven't you?
328
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,557
Yeah, well, l work from home, so...
329
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,596
l like it to be nice.
330
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,638
- Do you want a drink?
- Just water.
331
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,356
So, what do you do then?
332
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,557
Oh, it's boring really. lt's like editing.
333
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,350
lt's this project, coordinating market
aspects of third world debt.
334
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:42,919
Boring.
335
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,389
You don't mind, do you? lt's good stuff.
336
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,110
No. Fine.
337
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,875
So can l stay the night?
338
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,916
Yeah.
339
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,070
Right, erm... Water.
340
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,636
l'll have a beer.
341
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,390
l'm... l'm sorry, l've got to piss.
342
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,436
lt's OK.
343
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,796
(Mobile beeps)
344
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,278
- (Beep)
- You're not gonna believe this.
345
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:55,279
'l copped off! His name's Jonathan,
he's in the bathroom.
346
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:58,636
'He's really nice.
He's nice looking and everything.
347
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,030
'And he works in telly!
He's met Ruby Wax.
348
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:05,795
'He's got her home telephone number
and everything and he's not lying.
349
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:10,476
'He's for real! l'll phone you as soon as
he's gone. This is brilliant. See you!'
350
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,795
..cos you stitch the mouth up.
351
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,314
But the eye, the eye opens.
352
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,838
The eye on a corpse falls open.
353
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,275
The relatives are in the chapel of rest.
354
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,831
They want dignity.
They don't want eyes open.
355
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,151
So you get this contact lens.
lt's got spikes.
356
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,834
Sharp little spikes on the surface.
357
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,912
Put in the lens, slap down the eyelid,
358
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,355
spikes dig in,
359
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,396
sticks it shut.
360
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,033
Right. l'll wash me knob.
361
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,676
He's Fred West.
362
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,230
l'd better warn you.
363
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,914
lf you ever go to Brazil...
364
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,515
lf you're in Brazil and you're
on the beach, sit on a towel.
365
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,556
Right?
366
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:34,395
Cos they've got these parasites
that live in the sand and they burrow.
367
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:38,632
They burrow up through the sand
and sort of burrow themselves into you.
368
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,917
You can kill them with this ointment
but it takes a while.
369
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,558
So...?
370
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:47,394
So l've got Brazilian beach parasites
living in my arse.
371
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:52,794
Shall l get a taxi?
372
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,709
(Straining) Oh, it's locked!
373
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,950
We're two floors up anyway.
374
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,956
(Toilet flushing)
375
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,318
Let's get on with it.
l'm burying a bride and groom at ten.
376
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,836
Yes. l'll just... Bathroom. Can l?
377
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:14,876
Hurry up then.
378
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,716
(Gasps)
379
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:57,673
(Crash)
380
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,115
(Vince) l'm never going out again. Ever.
381
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:05,478
Bastards, all of them.
Not just bastards, diseased bastards.
382
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,518
'You're not gonna believe
what he told me.'
383
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,354
'l've had some stories
but this one... Bastard!'
384
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,116
'Oh, and he was nice.
385
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,432
'He was really nice, like the bloke
l've been waiting for.'
386
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,717
'He was lovely. All of him was lovely.
387
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,950
'The entire colony.'
388
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,192
Anyway, l bet you're having a good time.
389
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,236
Give us a call.
390
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,470
Lots of love.
391
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,150
Go on. Have a go.
392
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,390
You paid for the taxi.
393
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:57,234
- Yeah, OK.
- Jake sold it me. He's a top lad, Jake.
394
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,796
Good old Jake.
395
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,000
That's it.
396
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,036
Yeah.
397
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,311
- How's that?
- lt's OK.
398
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,152
Yeah?
399
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,435
Should do more than that.
400
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,671
- lf he sold me shit...
- (Snorts)
401
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,716
l'll just get some water.
402
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,473
- Woah!
- (Laughing)
403
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,396
(Gasping)
404
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,436
lt's all right, mate.
405
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,795
First time. lt's always like this.
406
00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:01,836
W-Water.
407
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,753
lt's all right, mate. All right. Come here.
408
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,070
Hey! What the fuck are you doing?
409
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,833
What the fuck are you doing? Shit!
410
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,150
Oh, fuckin' hell.
411
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,196
Fuck. Fuck!
412
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:50,714
(Laughter)
413
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,394
lt's not funny and you're all bastards.
414
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,869
Dane, you're such a twat!
415
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,996
l swear - a cock like a baby's arm.
416
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,469
He sprained his wrist
and l sprained me arse!
417
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:13,238
$ Uh-huh, make me tonight
418
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:15,072
$ Tonight... $
419
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:19,631
- (Mobile)
- $ Make it right... $
420
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,996
Philip Delaney,
where the fuck have you been?
421
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:27,311
- (Woman) 'ls that Vince?'
- Yeah. Who's that?
422
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,960
Sorry. That's Phil's number, isn't it?
423
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:34,238
- lt's his mother.
- 'Oh. Right, yeah. How are you?'
424
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,357
l thought... ls Phil there?
425
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,876
lt's the phone. He's got numbers
programmed into the phone.
426
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,110
l thought l'd better start...
427
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,116
There's nothing wrong, is there?
428
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,954
They phoned me this morning.
The police.
429
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,395
What's happened?
430
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,555
They're saying it was days ago.
431
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:00,792
$ Aaah, tonight
432
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,030
$ Atomic $
433
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,828
$ ..live like common people... $
434
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,639
lt was Phil. You met Phil.
435
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,280
- l didn't really know him.
- Well, he's dead.
436
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:21,679
Where's the do?
437
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,116
l think it's brilliant. l wanna die shagging.
438
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:30,115
$ ..out of view, and dance and drink and
screw because there's nothing else... $
439
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,272
Come and save me, Vince.
440
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,874
He thought the world of you.
441
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:37,996
Christ, l'm packing it.
442
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,470
lt's not ''gay'',
it's not ''homosexual''. lt's cock.
443
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:44,998
Fuck off, you little bastard!
444
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:49,153
Oh, my God, it's nonstop with you!
You're like a novel!
445
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:54,718
There was these boys at school.
l can't go back, they're gonna kill me!
446
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,234
Fucking queer!
34046
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