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1
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,475
'Sometimes, you get a good Thursday,
2
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,189
'sometimes a bog-standard Thursday,
sometimes a shit Thursday.'
3
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,236
This Thursday was mental.
4
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:31,233
Thursday night in Babylon used to be
'70s night but they changed it.
5
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,550
Thursday night is '90s night,
6
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,871
which makes you feel ancient.
Thanks very much.
7
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,919
l spent all night chasing after some bloke
who turns out to be mad.
8
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Like, really mad. He had
every episode of Juliet Bravo on tape.
9
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,713
(Dance music, chatter)
10
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,236
'So, it's getting late, lights on.
11
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:57,792
'l haven't copped off,
Phil's not copped off and Stuart...'
12
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,269
Stuart's copped off.
13
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,351
Oi, Vince!
14
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,716
Wait there. Don't move.
15
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,680
- Where are you going?
- You've copped off.
16
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,230
- l'm just getting his telephone number.
- Did he swallow it?
17
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:21,791
l'll be ten minutes. Wait by the Jeep.
You've gotta get me home. Wait for me!
18
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,873
So, he brings the car,
gives you the keys so you can't drink,
19
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,030
then he buggers off. Nice system.
20
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,908
- l'll give him ten minutes. l don't mind.
- He's still looking.
21
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,389
- He is not.
- He is so.
22
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,517
(Vince) He's all muscles.
l don't cop off with muscles.
23
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,956
l mean, what happens?
He takes his kit off - Marky Mark.
24
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,156
l take mine off - Norman Wisdom.
25
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:48,109
l had a bloke with muscles once. Great.
Like being let loose on a bouncy castle.
26
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,192
- He's still looking.
- (Cockney accent) Shut it!
27
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,236
- Shut it!
- Pat'll go mad.
28
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,038
- Shut it!
- (Horn beeps)
29
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,193
'Sometimes, you're halfway through
a shag and you just get bored of him.
30
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,431
'So you wank him off in a doorway
and move straight on.
31
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,671
'Cos you keep on looking.
That's why you keep going out.
32
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:10,072
'There's always a new bloke, a better
bloke, just waiting round the corner.
33
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,549
'And that was the night he came along.
34
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,393
'The one-night stand
that never went away.'
35
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,190
(Music, chatter)
36
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,878
Excuse me... l'm just looking.
l mean, what's the best place to go?
37
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:36,272
Depends on what you're after.
lf you want bastards, you go in there.
38
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,954
And if you want wankers, go in there.
39
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:43,113
And if you want selfish, little,
mincing, piss tart dickheads,
40
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,397
then pick a building, any building.
lt's full of them.
41
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,314
(Woman) Bernie!
Don't be so daft. Don't listen to her.
42
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,994
lt's just a T-shirt!
43
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:57,358
She's off her head,
she's been drinking! Bernie!
44
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,710
($ lndigo: Haven't You Heard)
45
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:47,317
$ l've been looking for you
$ Haven't you heard
46
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,198
$ Oh, l've been looking... $
47
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,518
The first time l copped off,
l was in school.
48
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,160
Mr Daniels, PE.
49
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:03,836
We're chatting away, football, or
something and he's getting his gear off.
50
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,956
Big, hairy bloke. Nice.
51
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,510
So l keep talking. We're in his office.
52
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,115
He's got this cubicle,
like his own private shower.
53
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,954
Next thing, he's stark bollock naked.
Fantastic.
54
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,396
l'm still talking away like a twat
and he gets in the shower,
55
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,040
pulls the curtain, half pulls it.
56
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,759
Now, l'm twelve years old,
57
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,195
l'm thinking ''aye aye''.
58
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,396
So...l got in the shower
59
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,948
with all my clothes on.
60
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,996
l did.
61
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,115
l must have been scared to death...
62
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,750
but l don't remember being scared.
63
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,393
Had a good night?
64
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,755
Yeah.
65
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,191
l'm Stuart.
66
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,236
(Exasperated grunt)
67
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,471
- Got somewhere to go?
- No.
68
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,790
Wanna come back to mine?
69
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,197
l was fifteen.
70
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,396
l did it the first time l went out.
71
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,436
l'm quite proud of that.
72
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,159
l'm dead proud of that. My first time out.
73
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,549
Stuart Alan Jones.
74
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,950
He's looking down at me.
Like the face of God.
75
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,911
OK.
76
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,359
Bastard!
77
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,032
Oh, leave me alone.
Sod off back to the gym.
78
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,676
Nice kitchen.
79
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,951
lt's great, it's really nice.
l never cook. Takeaways - that's me.
80
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,630
l'm always eating takeaways.
81
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,711
Pizza.
82
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,634
Mind you, l've gotta be careful.
83
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,553
l can't eat anything. l've got this thing.
84
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:53,599
lt's called, like, anaphylactic shock.
Your throat swells up.
85
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,434
- Packet of peanuts could kill me...
- You staying out here or what?
86
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,235
We had this barbecue...
87
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,356
last summer...
88
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,235
Oh, what is he like?
89
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,118
Go...away.
90
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,234
- Nice car.
- Yeah. lt's not mine.
91
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,073
- This where you live?
- Yeah.
92
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,675
Look, it's nice to meet you
but l'm up early tomorrow
93
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:13,311
and l was up early this morning and
l'm working shifts and l'm really tired.
94
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,676
Are we shagging, or what?
lt's pissing down.
95
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,435
So what do you like doing?
96
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,636
l like watching telly.
97
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:37,679
- What do you like doing in bed?
- Er, this is fine.
98
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,596
Rimming?
99
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,875
- Yeah.
- Excellent.
100
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,036
Go on, then.
101
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,554
- What'd you mean, exactly?
- (Phone)
102
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,912
Yeah?
103
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,433
No.
104
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,956
No, when?
105
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,996
When did that happen?
106
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,709
Why didn't you phone me?
Of course l've been out.
107
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,110
- (Stifled groan)
- Jesus Christ! Do you have to?
108
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,995
No, it's just some bloke.
What's your name?
109
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,469
- Nathan.
- Nathan, say hello to Lisa.
110
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,551
- Hello.
- So where is she now?
111
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,278
Yeah?
112
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,510
Right. Okey-doke.
113
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,280
Right, well, thanks for that.
114
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,396
Gotta go.
115
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,556
($ Gabrielle: Give Me A Little More Time)
116
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,631
God, you've got everything.
117
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:56,350
Manga. Me dad's into manga.
You got any porn?
118
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,398
- One or two. Yeah?
- Anything good?
119
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,630
American stuff.
120
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,309
l've got some Cadinot.
121
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,356
lt's much better.
122
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,476
lt's actually got a plot.
123
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:13,358
This one's good. Service Actif.
124
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,796
Been trying to find Service Actif Deux.
125
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,758
Apparently, it's been deleted. l can't s...
126
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,798
- Shall l put it on?
- l haven't got time, really.
127
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,839
Can we just get on with it?
Sorry, but it's nearly three o'clock.
128
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,832
- Fine.
- (Belt unbuckling)
129
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,354
(Phone)
130
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,477
- l'd better just...
- Can't you just leave it?
131
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,551
l've, erm...
132
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,718
- Hello?
- Vince. Emergency.
133
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,439
l need the car. lt's happened.
134
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,956
No. No! When?
135
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,715
Hours ago. l can't believe it.
My mobile was off.
136
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,190
Who phoned you? Lisa?
What happened? Who was there?
137
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,669
There was no one there.
Just those women.
138
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,950
God.
139
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,916
Oh, my God.
140
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,240
Oh-ho-ho, my God!
141
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,680
Look, l really can't stay long.
142
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,274
Who's that? You've got someone there.
143
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,716
'Er, er, no, really, it's fine.'
144
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:35,713
Forget the car, we'll get a taxi.
You've copped off. That's a first.
145
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:39,076
No, really, really, l haven't.
146
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,679
- l'll get the car.
- 'Don't you dare.'
147
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:48,038
l'll get a cab. Shag him blind,
kick him out, l'll see you there.
148
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,078
- 'No, really, really, l...'
- (Beep)
149
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,319
lt's my friend. His mother's in hospital.
150
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,436
They think it's serious.
151
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,954
- l'll have to go.
- That's a pity.
152
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,157
- l was really looking forward to that.
- Me too.
153
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,310
l'll phone you a taxi.
154
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,075
- What's happened?
- Everything.
155
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,193
l'll have to go, anyway. l've got college.
156
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,798
College...or school?
157
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,830
Sixth-form college.
158
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,840
- How old are you?
- 18.
159
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,309
What year were you born?
160
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,551
- 1981 .
- Bollocks. You had to think about it.
161
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:38,155
No one has to think about
what year they were born.
162
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,515
How old are you?
163
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,556
16.
164
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,990
How old are you, really?
165
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,076
15.
166
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,994
(Driver) ls it on account?
(Stuart) Yeah.
167
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,469
(Vince) Where've you been?
(Stuart) Come on.
168
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,233
(Vince) You had to bring him, didn't you?
169
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,312
Oh, my God.
170
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,274
- (Baby crying)
- Oh, my God.
171
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,920
Here he is. This is him.
172
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,319
Hold his head. Careful.
173
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:51,157
Started this morning.
Ten o'clock tonight, there he was.
174
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,754
- l wanted to be there.
- No, you didn't.
175
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,956
lt's like a car crash down there.
176
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,794
Oh, God. Funny shaped head. He's...
177
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,440
Ugly, aren't they?
He doesn't look like me.
178
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:06,593
We weren't talking about names,
because that's up to you and Romey.
179
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,319
But l just looked at him and said,
''Frederick?''
180
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,312
- l quite like it.
- What, in an ironic sort of way?
181
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,834
- Yeah.
- No, it's not ironic enough.
182
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,710
What about Alfred? That way, you've still
got the Fred bit. Run a check on Alfred.
183
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:24,157
Alf Roberts, Alfie, Michael Caine. Alf -
that American sitcom with the puppet -
184
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,552
bit dodgy. But that's forgotten by the
time he's in school. Unless it's on cable.
185
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,598
l bet they've got it on Bravo. Oh.
186
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:36,674
Alfred's the name of Batman's butler -
marvellous. Good name.
187
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,399
Alfred. What do you think?
188
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,153
- Great.
- He's mine.
189
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,390
Aren't you going to introduce us?
190
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,675
Er, what was your name again?
191
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:52,311
- Nathan.
- Oh, you've met. Lisa was on the phone
192
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,358
- when Nathan shot his load all over me.
- For God's sake.
193
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,318
Well, he did. He's 15, aren't you, Nate?
194
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:02,439
- You both had a child on the same night.
- He's brought the trophy cabinet.
195
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:06,911
The most important phone call of my life
and he was there. l couldn't leave him.
196
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,956
You wanted to come, didn't you?
197
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,996
Yeah.
198
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,156
Romey, what the fuck have we done?
199
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,636
Oh, shit.
200
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,155
Yes, yes, yes.
201
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,356
Take off your watch.
202
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,399
(Nurse) Excuse me, please.
(Porter) Mind your backs.
203
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,392
Yes, yes, yes.
204
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,119
You're good, Vince.
You'll do good things.
205
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,272
- Could you tell if l had cancer?
- Why would you have it?
206
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:52,512
- l always think l've got cancer.
- She'll love it. Yeah, thanks, bye.
207
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:56,036
Bloody Ken - he's sending flowers.
l should have got flowers.
208
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,192
Nathan, get some flowers,
quick as you can.
209
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,636
You can't use your mobile.
You'll switch off the iron lungs.
210
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,870
There's a thought - l should have a cigar.
211
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,633
You don't have to do what he says.
212
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,676
l...l don't mind.
213
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,910
l'll, erm, just get some...
214
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,070
(Low talking, coughing)
215
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,034
(Vince) Blimey, bit nippy.
216
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,556
Look, you can see
my mother's house from here.
217
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,034
Come on, let's go back down.
218
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,230
lt's weird, isn't it?
219
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,315
l mean, he's real.
220
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,119
Just seeing him, it's like...
221
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,431
l dunno what it's like. l mean, it's brilliant.
222
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,750
But it's weird.
223
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,593
The most expensive wank l've ever had.
224
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,868
Oh, that's right, top yourself.
225
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,839
That's what they do in soaps.
Birth and death in the same episode.
226
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,311
Get down. You've gotta
be responsible now...dad.
227
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,117
That's it. Arms out. Titanic!
228
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,749
- King of the world!
- l'm always Kate Winslet.
229
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,593
King of the world!
230
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,316
Congratulations.
231
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,396
Oh, my God.
232
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,550
Vince, hard-on.
233
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,596
l have not.
234
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,719
l didn't know you cared. No one's
looking. Go on, get it out, get it out.
235
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,475
Fuck off. Six months
since l've had a shag.
236
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,630
lt's like Pavlov's dogs.
237
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,234
You sad bastard.
238
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,430
- Stuart.
- Had him.
239
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,273
You're going home.
You're going to sleep,
240
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,954
you're getting up
and you're going to work.
241
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:23,591
Then, you can work hard for the next 20
years. You've got a kid to look after now.
242
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,638
Absolutely, l promise. Yes.
243
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,115
Want one?
244
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,350
All right, more for me.
245
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,876
Right. Nathan, let's go.
lt's all getting a bit lesbian in here.
246
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,315
My waters have broken!
247
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,678
(Stuart) He's a calendar,
that kid, he's a clock.
248
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,912
A great big stopwatch
just staring me in the face.
249
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,355
As he gets older, that's all he can do.
250
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,318
Do you know what that means?
251
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,709
l'm getting older.
252
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,268
(Sniggers) Mind you...
253
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,477
they don't always live. (Laughs)
254
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,120
Meningitis - that's a good one.
255
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,033
(Vince) Stuart, what have you taken?
256
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:20,192
That's not E.
You only took it five minutes ago.
257
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,716
- What is it?
- Don't know. lt was expensive.
258
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,475
You don't even know
what you're taking. You twat.
259
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,516
Hmm.
260
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,034
- (Horn beeps, tyres screech)
- Shit! Fuck!
261
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,508
Look, leave him alone.
262
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,716
l'll take him home.
263
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:58,035
l'm gonna fuck you. l'm gonna fuck you
all night, yeah? ls that what you want?
264
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,236
l'm taking him home.
265
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,509
- l'm going with him.
- Good boy. (Laughs)
266
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,756
(Nathan moaning)
267
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,876
(Gasping)
268
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,158
No one told you about that, did they?
269
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,196
That's it.
270
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,157
Slowly.
271
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,196
That's all of them.
272
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,314
All the football team.
273
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,119
All the what?
274
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,397
All of them -
naked and in shorts. (Laughing)
275
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:58,511
And the referee's going,
''Yes...yes...yes...
276
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,556
''ln we go.''
277
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,108
(Gasps) Slowly. Really.
278
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,794
($ Doctor Who theme)
279
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:14,072
- 'Ahh!'
- 'Die.'
280
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,550
- 'l will bring Sutekh's gift of death...'
- ..gift of death...
281
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,234
- '..to all humanity.'
- ..to all humanity.
282
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,709
- 'Ahh!'
- ($ Doctor Who theme)
283
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,676
(Alarm bleeps)
284
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:49,076
(Car alarm)
285
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,550
Oi!
286
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,871
You little bastards.
287
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,428
- You poof!
- We seen you! We seen you!
288
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,476
You fucking queer!
289
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,350
For fuck's sake.
290
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,589
- What the hell is that?
- You did this map
291
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:53,036
of all the places you've had a shag.
lt starts out Manchester,
292
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:55,998
but that bit's Denmark
and then you went to New York.
293
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:59,914
All right, l know.
You might have stopped me.
294
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,878
l'll have to get it painted again, now. Shit.
295
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,520
lt's the pens.
l've gotta get rid of the pens.
296
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,073
Right, well, gotta go.
297
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,796
God, the state of me.
298
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,228
- What happened to the car?
- Vince took it.
299
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,118
- Good, he'll bring it back.
- Can l have a shower?
300
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,156
Hurry up, then.
301
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,673
- Oh, what is that?
- lt's the Millennium Dome.
302
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:41,276
- You met that bloke...
- That wasn't ecstasy. That fucking Anita.
303
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,920
l bet she sold me
dog-worming tablets again.
304
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,434
Go on then, shower!
305
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,070
l'm such a twat. l am such a twat.
306
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:16,148
'Don't panic. lt's Romey, l'm in hospital.
The contractions have started...'
307
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,196
Fuck, l've got a baby.
308
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,836
Why doesn't anyone stop me?
lt's not my fault.
309
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,390
They should stop me.
310
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,592
Hey.
311
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,758
- ($ Pulp: Something Changed)
- (Beeps horn)
312
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,796
He's here.
313
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,199
Oh, excellent. Well done, Vince.
314
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,431
Then don't give me the car.
l've warned you before.
315
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,432
- lt was those kids.
- Doesn't matter. Company car.
316
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,954
Now, let's get our little lad to school.
317
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:26,716
$ ..kiss to celebrate here today...
318
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,513
$ Something changed... $
319
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,750
What's his name again?
320
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,913
(Boy) Saw him down the chippy,
and he said, ''No.''
321
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,514
And l said, ''You did.''
Just a liar, isn't he?
322
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,512
- (Girl) She went mental.
- (School bell)
323
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,636
(Chatter, indistinct)
324
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,558
(Vince) Pull in.
(Stuart) He's going to school.
325
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,234
- Pull in here.
- l'll take him to the door.
326
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:02,199
- ($ Suede: Beautiful Ones)
- Stuart, they'll see the car.
327
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,236
So?
328
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,709
$ ..meat to the beat... $
- (Beeps horn)
329
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,554
$ High on diesel and gasoline
330
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:15,760
$ Psycho for drum machine
shaking their bits to the hits
331
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:21,198
$ Oh, here they come, the beautiful ones
332
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,794
$ The beautiful ones
333
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,836
$ La la la la... $
334
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,036
Ooh!
335
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,475
(Boy) ls that your mum?
336
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,120
First lesson - home economics.
337
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,555
- Batty man.
- You twat.
338
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,517
(Boys puckering)
339
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,034
$ You don't do without it... $
340
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,031
- Can l see you again?
- Let's just go.
341
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,759
- Can l see you again?
- You can see me now.
342
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,308
- Nathan, where've you been?
- Piss off.
343
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,960
Aw, now, your little friend.
344
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,555
- l could meet you tonight.
- God knows where l'll be.
345
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,757
- l could be in lpswich.
- Come on, boys, give us a kiss.
346
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,753
l'll give you a good fuck,
you tight little virgin.
347
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:06,355
We're going now, Stuart.
Just shut your face and drive.
348
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,750
- Can l see you, though?
- Oh, you'll see me all right.
349
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:11,876
You can't miss me.
350
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:16,195
$ La la la la la
351
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:23,275
$ La la, la la la-la la la-la
352
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,555
$ La la la la la la
353
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,596
$ La-la-la-la, la la... $
354
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,240
- (Wolf whistle)
- Who's the bloke, Maloney?
355
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,993
Your boyfriend?
356
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,116
(Boy) You poof.
357
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,879
(Boy laughing) What's he doing?
358
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,554
l was just a shag. l knew that.
359
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,915
l suppose l fell in love a bit.
360
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:55,549
Like you do.
l thought, ''l'll never see him again''.
361
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,394
How was l to know?
362
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,550
Stuart Alan Jones.
363
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,792
Six months later,
he was begging me to stay.
364
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,075
($ Air: Sexy Boy)
365
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,951
$ Sexy boy
366
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,994
$ Sexy boy... $
367
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,719
- The chicken has landed.
- Shit.
368
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,115
He said he loved me.
369
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,191
Come on up.
370
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,556
You're friends with a cunt.
371
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,074
- $ Sexy boy... $
- Thought l'd get ready.
27718
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