Original subtitles

- ♪ Christmas time is here ♪ - [HORN HONKS]

- ♪ Happiness and cheer ♪ - [CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ Fun for all that children call... ♪

DAMON: Oh, my God,

I want to show you something.

Oh. That is fine work, my brother. [CHUCKLES]

We used to do it all the time, my mother and me.

I mean, Christmas was the only time that I could be myself,

with all the fun colors and clothes.

I played Melchior in the church nativity play, and my mom

took me to Jo-Ann's to buy fabric

for this big, gold robe that I would wear in the show.

I mean, even my dad,

when I came out of my bedroom

to show him...

... he laughed. [CHUCKLES]

I mean, any other day and he would've taken off his belt.

Well, in this house,

you can be the king of Arabia

and wear golden robes every day of the year.

All right, now, come on, children. Gather around.

We got another tradition starting this Christmas.

All of y'all get to ask your mother for one thing

she can put under the tree for y'all to open

- on Christmas morning. - [LIL PAPI SQUEAKS]

Within reason, all right?

Don't go asking me for no damn Subaru.

- I-I want... - Uh-uh-uh. I want

python high-top sneakers with the snakeskin.

You can't yell it out like that,

- like we on The Price is Right. - Mm-hmm.

You need to write a note to your Mother Santa,

put it under the tree so she can find.

- Angel. - Hmm?

Please write your note.

I told you I didn't want anything for Christmas.

It's Christmas. I mean,

everybody wants something, right?

When I was six years old,

my father took me with him to the department store

to buy some Christmas presents.

I saw this one pair of

red pumps with a four-inch heel.

I swear to God,

I had never seen anything quite so beautiful in my entire life.

When no one was looking,

I took one,

snuck it home,

- hidden underneath my coat. - [CHUCKLES]

When we got to the apartment,

I tried running straight to my room.

It slipped out and fell onto the floor,

right in front of my mother and my father.

I begged them to let me keep it.

My father s...

my father slapped me across the face.

[SIGHS]

For stealing.

But more so for what I chose to steal.

I mean, what kind of little boy

cries over a patent leather red pump, right?

He treated me different after that.

[SNIFFLING]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR SHUTS]

If she doesn't want a present, can I have hers?

No.

- Boy. - What?

- Finish puttin' these corns to poppin'. - Why you... Look at this.

- Don't be clownin' my stuff, all right? - Yeah, but it look crazy.

- No, but it look good though. - Finish the corn that pops, honey.

Man, what you talking about? You seen your beads?

- They look great. - They look foo-foo.

[DOOR OPENS]

[FOOTFALLS APPROACH]

PRAY TELL: The category is...

Live...

Work...

Pose!

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

♪ ♪

PRAY TELL: The category is,

Best Dressed High Class

in a Fur Coat.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING, DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

Mink, chinchilla.

Come on, butch queens.

I better see Bugs Bunny on your goddamn back!

The temperature is dropping here...

I don't know if I'm ready for this.

I can't compete with them.

If you want to be in the house of Evangelista,

you gotta compete.

Do it for us.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Ooh, giving us Ralph Lauren in tails.

A little tail ain't never hurt nobody, baby.

Judges, your scores, please.

Eight, seven, eight,

six and seven.

♪ ♪

- Okay. - No.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[AUDIENCE WHOOPS]

♪ ♪

PRAY TELL: And what have we here?

Looking like a grape raccoon.

♪ ♪

That fur better not touch the ground.

Oh... The lining.

The lining is the only thing

to touch the ground, my darling.

That is how it is done.

Ah, judges, your scores.

Ten, ten, ten, ten, ten.

[CHEERING]

Midnight Pimping.

Looky here. Don't run into this one

in a dark alley, baby.

Yeah, there we have it.

Who's coming next?

[CHEERING]

PRAY TELL: Oh, my.

And is this Billy Dee Williams we have here...

in lynx?

Serving us butch.

Serving us masculintity.

Go, Ricky!

PRAY TELL: You love it. You long for it.

I'm having all of it.

Your scores, judges, please, please.

Ten, ten, nine, ten, nine.

Whoo, Ricky!

[CHEERING]

First runner-up...

Mr. Billy Dee Williams in the white lynx.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I commend you on your ballroom debut.

♪ ♪

All right, all right, I know it's time

for all of y'all to collect your trophies and go home,

but before you do,

house mothers and fathers,

sound the call across the land

that our next event is gonna be the biggest of the year...

The Snow Ball, right?

And I expect to see you all there in your holiday best.

Good night.

The theme for our look is Santa's Workshop,

and we'll be all dressed as elves,

and you will be Mrs. Claus.

My festive theatrical child.

And Ricky's gonna help me, if that's okay.

He doesn't need my permission. I'm not his mother.

Well, since he has a trophy,

I'd like for you to consider letting him join

the House of Evangelista.

Mm.

Tell me, where'd you get the coat?

- It was my grandmother's. - Don't bullshit me.

That offends me.

[SIGHS]

I mopped it, from a coat check in midtown.

I just wanted to get a trophy,

so I-I borrowed it. But I'm gonna take it back.

That's not what Evangelista's about.

Let's get something straight.

I'm not running a halfway home.

We're a family, and I'm building a legacy.

I'll admit, you got something special,

but you're cocky.

Judges don't want arrogance, they want confidence.

If you want to win grand prize,

we're gonna need to work on your struts.

[SQUEALS] See, I told you she'd let you in.

No, this is a trial run.

You better bring it at the Snow Ball.

Okay.

I'm being a good person by letting you in.

Which means I do not want you

distracting Damon from his studies.

If you plan on living under my roof,

I expect you to keep him on track.

- I promise, Blanca. - Good.

And you can call me Mother.

Cheers.

Cheers.

RICKY: Cheers, Mother.

Ooh, I like the ring of that.

[LAUGHTER]

[FLOOR INDICATOR CHIMING]

[MONITORS BEEPING]

Costas.

Is this your lunch?

It must be Maryanne on duty.

She never brings it in.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

It's Christmas.

I'm the prince.

Dance with me, Clara.

Tony, you need to get back into bed.

Get away!

[IV STAND CLANGS ON FLOOR]

- You're ruining it. - Nurse!

Nurse!

Nurse!

She didn't even give you a fork to eat this fucking meal with.

- I'm not even hungry. - Bullshit.

You have to eat something.

Get your strength back.

Don't look at me like that.

You have pneumonia.

I've seen people

walk out of this hospital

who were much worse than that.

We got Christmas plans, baby.

Go see the windows on Fifth,

take a carriage ride through Central Park,

go see The Nutcracker.

[SIGHS]

When did you get here?

What was I doing out of bed?

[SNIFFLES]

You were dancing.

You've always been my most brilliant,

dedicated student.

You were dancing, my darling.

I can't believe I'm gonna spend my last Christmas in here.

[PRAY TELL SNIFFLES]

[WHOOPS, LAUGHS]

This is incredible.

I ain't never met anyone who was a real genius,

but you have the gift.

You need to make a New Year's resolution, Pray Tell.

Elevate your game.

Get your designs on a real runway.

A happy man knows his place.

Who ever got anywhere by knowing their place?

A man who knows his place might as well be a dead man.

A resolution ain't nothing without a friend to kick

your ass to make sure you stick to it.

[LAUGHS] No point in me fighting with you.

I know.

So shut up and finish pinning.

I'm gonna melt the Snow Ball with this piece of finery.

Send Elektra limping into the new year.

What you doing for Christmas Day?

Nothing. I'll probably go to the movies.

They have discount matinees.

Theater's all quiet and empty.

Well, what about that cute guy you've been seeing

that works for the city?

He... is at Roosevelt Hospital.

- What? - Yeah.

You two was out dancing at Escuelita's just last month.

Yes.

How bad?

[SIGHS]

Pneumonia... We don't need to talk about

- this right now. - What? [SCOFFS]

You think this is the first time since I've been diagnosed

that I had to talk about somebody dying of this plague?

Don't you dare treat me as delicate.

The worst part is...

that I'm used to it by now.

[INHALES]

You know how many boyfriends I've seen go in there

over the last four years?

How are we supposed to get invested in someone...

if they can be gone a week later?

As if this life wasn't hard enough.

[LAUGHS]

[SNIFFLES]

[GROANS]

Oh, my God...

[BLOWS NOSE]

[EXHALES]

Do your kids know you're positive?

Now, what good would that do?

I'm trying to build something that lasts beyond me.

And none of them are gonna commit

to what I need them to do

if they think I might leave them tomorrow.

Not that I'm going anywhere.

And no way you are sitting all alone in a movie theater

getting fat off popcorn on Christmas.

- [LAUGHS] - You're coming to supper, at my house.

STAN: Would you close your eyes for me?

[DOOR CREAKS]

ANGEL: Okay...

[LAUGHS]

Open.

[ANGEL GASPS]

[STAN CHUCKLES]

STAN: We got, uh...

... all brand-new appliances.

Microwave, toaster.

We got, uh, all new Formica countertops.

[QUIETLY]: Dusty.

[KEYS JINGLE]

I got the, um... [CLEARS THROAT]

... the TV and VCR, they're on order.

T-That should be, uh, arriving next week.

Over there.

This is so beautiful.

ANGEL [WHISPERS]: Wow.

Oh, my God.

[CLICKS]

["LET'S WAIT AWHILE" BY JANET JACKSON PLAYING]

♪ There's something I want to tell you... ♪

I don't know what to say.

♪ There's something I think ♪

♪ That you should know... ♪

I feel so safe here.

Like nothing could ever hurt me.

[EXHALES]

Can you make me a promise?

On Christmas Day,

I know you have your kids and stuff...

♪ Feeling much stronger ♪

♪ Then let's try to... ♪

... but if you could just come at night,

even just for an hour.

For a glass of eggnog,

- or whatever. - [LAUGHS]

It would really make this place feel like a home to me.

Of course I will.

♪ Before we go too far... ♪

ANGEL: Mm.

♪ I didn't really know ♪

♪ Not to let all my feelings show ♪

♪ To save some for later ♪

♪ So our love can be greater ♪

♪ You said you would always love me ♪

♪ Remember I said the same thing, too ♪

♪ You don't have to be ♪

♪ Frightened with my love ♪

♪ Because I'll never give up on you ♪

♪ Let's wait a while ♪

♪ Before it's too late ♪

♪ You know you can't rush love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Let's wait a while ♪

♪ Before it's too late ♪

♪ Let's wait a while ♪

♪ Wait a while ♪

♪ Our love will be great ♪

♪ Let's wait a while ♪

♪ Before we go too far ♪

♪ Far... ♪

["A PINE FOREST IN WINTER" PLAYING]

HELENA: Wide legs!

Yes. Yes.

Very good.

Sorry to interrupt.

Ms. St. Rogers, there's a call for you.

Uh, continue, everyone.

This is Helena.

Wait, when did he, uh...

This morning?

Uh, no, no, I don't have his parent's information.

I'm not family.

Just his teacher.

- DAMON: Five, six, seven, eight. - ["CRUSH ON YOU" BY THE JETS PLAYING]

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Feeling, more feeling, more feeling.

More feel...

Papi, that's not what I choreographed.

You look like a gremlin.

- I ain't a dancer. - It's like this:

if you are going to win at Snow Ball...

and we are all walking as a house...

we have to do it like this,

because that's the way to win, okay?

So just watch me.

Five, six, five,

six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, down.

Got it?

- Yeah. - Okay?

Five, six, seven, eight.

Yes. That's great.

- Yes, it's great. - Yeah?

- Y-Yes, yes, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah?

Now you just got to learn the other 50 moves.

- Okay. Okay. - Okay, but that was good, that was good.

We gonna be here all day.

You got it?

Oh, my God, I'm late.

Papi, ignore them, you're doing great.

Keep practicing, okay?

Yo, Papi.

- What's up? - [LAUGHS]

Shut up.

♪ You found out ♪

♪ I got a crush on you... ♪

HELENA: Five, six, seven, eight.

Two, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Three, two, three, four, five, six,

seven, eight, four, two... get that leg higher.

Higher!

Stop.

Damon.

I-I'm sorry, I'm not...

Warmed up?

Warm-up was half an hour ago when class started.

I'm-I'm sorry, I was coming

from all the way uptown, and I just...

Marcus.

Where'd you come from for class?

- Crown Heights. - Uh-huh. He was on time.

Why you got to call me out in front of everybody like that?

I have two tools I use

to get students to reach their potential.

Encouragement and shame.

Taking you to the ballet, that was encouragement.

But that didn't work, so now I'm moving on to shame.

I took a chance on you.

And I don't care if you think you're the next Alvin Ailey,

you will never know if you don't have any respect for me

or this place or yourself.

I love this place.

I mean, it's everything to me.

But weren't you the one that told me to go out

into the world, a-and explore my artistry and find my own voice?

Greatness comes from suffering.

From failing over and over

until you bleed and cry.

And then, finally, something inside

just cracks open.

I've got time.

Time is not your friend.

It's coming for you, for all of us.

It shows no mercy and it always wins,

and then you're gone, forgotten.

I'm really sorry, I-I... I was getting ready for a ball,

- and I... - A ball?

Is that the size of your dreams now?

Get out of my class.

What?

Now.

Let's go from the top.

And... five, six, seven, eight.

I'm not kidding, it's like a superpower I have.

I can tell just by looking at you

how you groom your pubic hair.

Hmm?

[LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Wasn't that an executive council meeting?

Yeah. I, uh...

I had this idea that if movies or TV shows

wanted to shoot in any of our properties,

that they should give the boss a cameo.

And they thought it was such a good idea,

I should tell it directly to him.

Instead of taking it to me first?

That's my lane, buddy.

Yeah, I-I didn't mean any disrespect.

Nobody stopped you from coming into that meeting.

Say, what are you up to on Christmas, huh?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[PHONE RINGING]

[DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN]

WOMAN: Elektra Abundance?

Come right with me.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING, CLOCK TICKING]

_

[BEEP, INDISTINCT FEMALE VOICE OVER P.A.]

[KNOCKING, DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN]

Good morning, Elektra. I'm Dr. Gottfried.

Please have a seat.

I apologize for being vague on the phone.

We're a new program at the hospital,

and we have to operate under the radar for now.

I'm a bit nervous. I haven't been to the doctor since '79.

Well, that is a long time.

We should definitely do some blood work.

I don't have the virus.

Well, that's good to hear,

but AIDS care isn't my specialty.

I'm a urologist.

Our new program

specializes in holistic care, something lacking

for transsexual patients.

It's the kind of practice my mentor,

Dr. Peter Harris, formalized in the '60s and '70s.

God rest his soul.

That man saved my life.

Anything he told me to do, I did it.

Psychological evaluations,

hormone shots, electrolysis, everything.

Dr. Harris helped me find Elektra.

Well, we fought hard to keep the clinic open after his death,

but the hospital was overwhelmed with AIDS patients,

and it didn't help that the board thought

what we did was unnatural and unnecessary.

They wanted us to just go away, and we did for a bit,

but we are back,

and I am building the foremost practice

and research center

for transsexual medicine in the United States.

- Which is why I called you. - Me?

You are at the top of Dr. Harris's wait list

for sexual reassignment surgery.

It's even noted in his records that

he tried to call you numerous times.

Why didn't you follow up with him?

The list was long.

I didn't have the luxury to sit around waiting.

I didn't resign.

I just hustled my ass off dancing in glass boxes

to fulfill my most immediate needs.

Show World?

I have other patients employed there.

"Employed" makes it sound like a profession.

It's a freak show.

Well, I have a space reserved for you.

You are an ideal candidate.

And if your blood work and your physical examination clear,

we could operate in the new year.

How much does it all cost?

I will have my nurse go over the details with you.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[DOOR OPENS]

What is that?

A wreath.

I thought we'd bring a little holiday spirit in here.

I tried to tell her a wreath

ain't gonna fix my mood.

Christmas ain't nothing but a sad-ass reminder

of what we don't have.

Well, maybe we should do it up this year.

Get a tree, some presents,

make it a Christmas to remember.

Maybe your daddy could help us out this year?

How dare you?

I'm not some white girl toting an unlimited

American Express card in my Gucci bag.

You girls never think about how hard I work.

You never see my burden.

All you see are the jewels and the furs

and you think I live some high life.

But you don't know that he counts

everything he gives to me,

every single cent,

every single goddamn gift.

And anything I manage to steal away goes to Abundance:

the rent, the lights, the food.

We're grateful for all you do for us, Mother.

Girls, I'm sorry.

Sometimes I get in a bad mood,

particularly around the holidays.

But why should I take that out on you?

You're stupid,

but not incapable.

Let's get going.

Mother has a plan to deck these fucking halls.

SALVATION ARMY SANTA: Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas to you.

Very generous. Thank you.

Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.

♪ Christmas ♪

♪ The snow's coming down ♪

♪ Christmas... ♪

Hey, Santa.

Well, hello, dear. Merry Christmas to you.

♪ Christmas... ♪

Thank you.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

♪ Christmas ♪

♪ All ringing in song... ♪

My purse.

Oh, no. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

♪ Baby, please come home... ♪

ELEKTRA: Now.

[GRUNTING, SHOUTING]

ELF: Get off of him.

SALVATION ARMY SANTA: She's taking the money!

ELF: Hey, stop them!

- ♪ Please, please, please ♪ - ♪ Please, please, please ♪

- ♪ Please, please ♪ - ♪ Please, please ♪

- ♪ Baby, please come home ♪ - ♪ Christmas ♪

♪ Baby, please come home. ♪

CANDY: Oh, my... [GASPS]

I ain't never seen this much money all in one place.

That's why we hit the bucket up on Madison.

Every dollar one of those rich, Upper East Side bitches

put in that bucket is a gift back to themselves.

Wipes away all the guilt they feel

about spending all that money on silliness

to put under their tree.

Wait, but isn't this money supposed to go to, like,

- starving kids or something? - Uh-uh.

If we ain't charity, then who is?

When is the last time

you had a present under the Christmas tree?

Exactly.

My daddy used to buy me trucks for Christmas

and I would just steal my sister's Barbie dolls

and have Barbie riding around in them trucks

like a queen and some shit.

Fuck Barbie.

They had Olympic Barbie,

Malibu Barbie, Doctor Barbie.

All kinds of Barbies, but they only had one black Barbie,

Christie, and she was still built like a white girl.

There is $2,300 here.

Christmas miracle.

Thank you, Jesus.

We can get three trees now.

Trees? Girl, we can get wigs,

- the human kind. - Girl, we can go to the spa.

Oh, my God, and get a massage.

- A back massage. - Ooh.

Them red boots we saw the other day,

- them snakeskin boots. - CANDY: Oh, those are so cute, girl.

Oh. Those would look so good on me.

CANDY: Ooh, we could walk the runway in those, girl.

- We would win the house down. - They would look cute on me.

- Boots, girl. - Mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm.

And we can go to Bloomingdale's and not that cheap shit.

Oh, yes. Absolutely.

All of your Christmas dreams will come true.

[GIGGLES]

That's $2,300,

more than enough for a deposit for my surgery.

You can sign me up.

BLANCA: It's a different thing to be a mother

who chooses her children.

We got to deal with our mistakes

and also the mistakes of the mothers

who brought them into this world.

We don't get the benefits of a clean slate.

And I've seen a lot of mothers in my world

use that as some sort of excuse

for bad behavior, but not me.

Once you're in my house, you're my responsibility.

And Damon doesn't understand yet

that we don't got but so much time in this world

and that the people out there are gonna start

stealing pieces of his from him.

What's stealing from him

is his interest in those balls.

What we do here is work,

not the instant gratification

that comes from dressing up

and walking for a trophy.

Excuse me?

Miss Uptown Fancy with your African jewels

and your sterling silver.

We can talk about Damon,

but what we're not gonna do

is sit here and look down our noses at my world.

You have any idea the work

and struggle that goes into walking a category?

The point is I do understand,

which is why I'm saying Damon doesn't have time for both.

And unless a mother forces a child to make

the right choice, he's gonna choose the work

that makes him feel good right now.

So you're questioning my parenting skills now.

There's a difference between inspiration and distraction.

Damon has more God-given talent than most,

but not enough to succeed without real commitment.

At the end of the semester, I'm going to make cuts.

At this point, Damon doesn't make it.

DAMON: I'm home.

Uh-uh. These are for decorating later. Sit down.

I went and talked to your teacher this morning.

- She called. - I'm sorry.

I should've told you, but I thought I could get it

all figured out before you even had to know.

Well, here's a subway pass and a bus pass

so you can never use the excuse

that you had no money for tokens

and you was late because you had to walk to class.

You will not blow this opportunity

while you are living in my house.

I'm sorry, Mother. I know.

I already told Ricky

that I'm not gonna be around as much.

I promise. I'll be good from now on.

Oh, and no balls for a month until you can prove to me

that you can keep your word.

Yeah, but not the Snow Ball, right?

No balls means no balls.

What?

I told you how much Christmas means to me.

It's my one time of the year

and you're taking that away from me?

The one thing that I care about.

Well, you know what, I'm going no matter what you say.

You can't stop me from walking if I want to.

No, but I can throw all your shit out the window

and on the street if you do.

You want to fucking try me?!

I hate you for doing this to me!

Well, go and hate me in your room.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[OVEN DOOR SLAMS]

Can I help you?

Yeah. I'm looking for something for my wife.

My mommy!

What is her skin tone?

Different metals and gemstones look best

with specific skin tones.

Never heard that before.

She's, uh, got brownish-reddish hair,

pale skin, brown eyes.

CLERK: She has a cool skin tone.

You're gonna want white gold or silver, nothing yellow

and a bright stone.

I have this really lovely white gold bracelet

with twin rubies.

What do you think?

Think Mommy'd like that?

- Wrap it up for me. - CLERK: Mm-hmm.

["O HOLY NIGHT" PLAYING]

[TOY TRAIN WHISTLES]

Hey, honey, why don't you go

play in that little playground out there?

I'll be out there in one minute, okay?

[QUIETLY]: Okay.

Thanks.

Uh...

What about somebody with a darker skin tone,

like, Puerto Rican?

White gold is gonna make her look ruddy.

You want yellow gold with an earthy stone.

Like this yellow gold necklace,

with the orange sapphire pendant.

♪ The angel voices... ♪

SALESMAN: Between you and me?

I always say to spend more on the gift for the goomah.

If your wife isn't happy, she isn't gonna be calling

your house at 2:00 in the morning.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Sure. I'll wrap it in a separate box.

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] - ♪ O night ♪

♪ O holy ♪

♪ Night ♪

♪ O night... ♪

[DOORBELL RINGS]

♪ Divine... ♪

Merry Christmas.

I like to come into Jersey to do my Christmas shopping.

The sales tax is two percent lower here than in the city.

I was in the neighborhood, I figured I would just stop by

and give you guys my gifts.

It's not wise to drink alone.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

This place is so suburban.

I mean that as a compliment.

Any man who tells you he wouldn't give it all up and

end up in his own version of this place is lying to you.

I prefer a little more flash in the decor.

At least four kids, but the woman...

woman would be just like you.

All you playboys long for family life,

but you couldn't stand it once you got it.

[LAUGHS]

When I was 25, maybe.

But now...

now, I get lonely.

Especially this time of year.

[SIGHS]

When does Stan get home?

Um, he's out Christmas shopping with our daughter.

I'm used to not seeing him around much these days.

You have him working such crazy hours.

He's more married to you than he is to me.

I don't think I've ever called Stan into the city after hours.

Well, if you're not calling him in, then who is?

Beats me.

I'm not the only one he reports to.

You should ask him.

I get why he's working so hard, though.

I mean, I was the same way, at first.

Nothing feels better than success.

You get addicted.

Problem is that you can't control yourself.

You start caring more about the next fix.

New suit, new car, new girl.

Instead of what's really important: family.

But you can understand that, right?

People need that ego hit sometimes.

Even in the suburbs?

I mean, when was the last time

you had an experience that was brand-new?

Hmm?

One that was just for you?

Weird.

You've kissed all those supermodels

and beauty queens, and

you're still not very good at it.

I'll do better next time.

There won't be a next time.

- [DOOR OPENS] - STAN: Hey, honey?

Whose Mercedes is out front?

MATT: Stanley!

Welcome home.

AMANDA [LAUGHING]: Mommy!

What are you doing here?

Playing Santa.

Dropping off presents for you and the kids.

All the way out to Jersey?

Come sit on my lap.

Well, thanks for coming by, man. I'll...

I'll show you out.

Patty.

Thank you for the wine, and the chat.

Yep. Thanks, Matt. Merry Christmas.

MATT: Heck of a woman you got there, Stan.

Don't fuck it up.

Next time you want to come to my house,

you call me first.

Merry Christmas, bud.

STAN: Patty.

What was all that about?

He told you. He was just dropping off some presents.

[DOOR CLOSES]

PRAY TELL: Are y'all ready?

Because the category is:

Stone Cold Face.

♪ Don't you give me... ♪

PRAY TELL: Yes. And here she goes.

Slender.

Tender.

For your gender.

Looking like a red Virginia Slim.

Judges, your scores.

Nine, nine, nine, nine.

Thank you very much.

Next.

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

This is a face category, not a fashion category.

If God hath given you

the eyebrows of Brooke Shields,

show the motherfuckers off!

[CROWD BOOING]

Ah!

And the princess has arrived!

Yes.

Breathtaking.

This chilling angel has clearly been resuscitated.

[CHEERING]

Uh-huh.

Judges, your scores?

Ten, ten, ten, ten.

Breathtaking scores for the frostiest bitch in New York.

Grand prize, Miss Angel, Evangelista.

[CHEERING]

♪ And to all ♪

- ♪ A good night... ♪ - You know it's yours, you know it's yours.

How did we do?

First runner up.

Not bad.

Yeah, we would've won if you were there.

It tore up my guts to keep it from you.

No, you were right.

You're a good mother.

I was sitting here in the dark trying

to remember when I found out Santa Claus wasn't real.

No one ever told me straight out.

It didn't come like a bullet, it came like poison.

You know, the kind that act real slow.

So you don't even know it's there until you're dead.

My sister made sure to tell me the second someone told her.

Came right into my room and announced it.

"Santa ain't real."

I couldn't have been more than four years old.

Did you believe her?

I mean, a hundred percent?

Nah.

I guess I didn't.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

I want to go back there.

I mean, not back home or to my parents, but...

I want to go back to when I could be innocent.

Or at least remember when I lost it.

You don't know that that feeling's not forever

until it's too late.

- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] - ♪ Chestnuts roasting on an open fire ♪

♪ Jack Frost nipping at your nose... ♪

- [GASPS] - [DAMON LAUGHS]

- [CHUCKLES] - Morning, sleepyhead.

[CHUCKLES]

Mm-hmm?

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Are you hungry? I made you breakfast.

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

Christmas morning was always special in my house.

Traditions are important to me.

We'll start our own, then.

Bam.

[LAUGHS]

[RATTLES]

What is it?

You got to open it.

[LAUGHS]

This is the one that I was eyeing at The Wiz.

- Wait, did you mop this? - No, I saved my coins.

You deserve it, and more.

♪ Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. ♪

[LAUGHS]

♪ And so, I offer... ♪

Mm.

Is this my Christmas present?

The first part.

Yeah.

I'm ready.

Wait, are you sure?

Ricky...

I'm ready.

♪ Many times, many ways... ♪

AMANDA: How do we play?

STAN: This is The Game of Life, baby.

You just, you spin the wheel.

Yeah, and you move it through the board.

And then you, uh, you get stuff on the way,

and wh-whoever gets the most money

and-and gets married and has the most kids

at the end of the game wins.

BOBBI: And if there isn't a part of the game

where you pee every time you sneeze

and every so-called friend disappoints you, it's a fraud.

Bobbi.

BOBBI: A child should know the truth.

[SIGHS]

Mommy missed one of her presents.

We got to give it to her.

[CLEARS THROAT] Stay here, okay?

You missed one.

I'll do it later.

[SIGHS] Come on, it's Christmas morning.

There are more presents under that tree

than the past three years combined.

You've been acting like this the whole time.

What's up with you?

Matt told me about never making you work late.

You've been lying to me.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about you being a cheating asshole.

I'm talking about you sticking your dick in other women

and then coming home to me.

Who is she, huh?

She one of those whore secretaries?

Come on, kids, Mommy and Daddy need to talk.

Wouldn't be Christmas without a fight.

You lost your mind? This is your mother talking.

She's constantly undermining you.

BOBBI: Don't put this on me.

I never said a bad word about you in my life.

- Not now, Ma, okay? - STAN: Stop.

Patty, stop.

Listen to me.

Matt isn't my only boss.

I report to ten different people.

He's jealous of what you and I have.

Your daughter told me about the two presents.

You couldn't have waited till you

weren't with our kid to buy your girlfriend a present?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Want me to prove it?

Merry Christmas.

Yes, I bought a bracelet and a necklace.

And I felt like shit

about how much I've been working,

and I haven't been home to help with the kids,

and so I bought you both.

I'm sorry. I'm just...

I'm not used to not having you around all the time,

and it's just me and the kids

and all these thoughts in my brain.

Yeah, I know, I know. It's okay.

It's okay.

We just got to make it through the next couple years, okay?

You know what my favorite part of Christmas is?

Your mom being here?

No.

No, and it's not the presents

or the decorations or the music. It's...

it's just us together as a family all day.

I love you.

I know, baby.

I love you, too.

Merry Christmas.

["SANTA BABY" BY EARTH KITT PLAYING]

♪ Santa baby, just slip a sable ♪

♪ Under the tree for me ♪

♪ Been an awful good girl ♪

♪ Santa baby ♪

♪ So hurry down the chimney tonight ♪

♪ Santa baby ♪

♪ A '54 convertible, too ♪

♪ Light blue ♪

♪ I'll wait up for you... ♪

Oh, stop it. You're flattering me.

Stop it.

Angel, you naughty, naughty girl, you.

So naughty.

♪ Think of all the fellas that I ♪

♪ Haven't kissed ♪

♪ Next year ♪

♪ I could be just as good ♪

♪ If you check off ♪

♪ My Christmas list. ♪

[EXHALES, SNIFFLES]

["JINGLE BELLS" BEGINS]

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪

Boy, what are you doing? There's a reason it's wrapped.

Just tell me if Blanca's coming.

Put the present down, please.

You think this need more salt?

Don't ask me.

I ain't never cooked anything besides a can of Chunky's.

Oh, well, what's wrong with you?

You still broken up about your married white boy?

Get over it.

You here with your family now.

The men will come and go,

but we always here for you.

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

♪ What fun it is to ride and sing... ♪

[ANGEL GASPS]

BOTH: The turkey!

Oh, shit! Shit, shit. Oh, shit.

- What-what do I do? - Open the window.

Hurry up, hurry.

[COUGHING]

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh... ♪

What are we gonna eat now?

[LAUGHTER]

What y'all laughing at?

I would order this platter.

BLANCA: All right,

before y'all fingers get greasy,

let's open some of these gifts.

Ain't got to tell me twice.

This for you, Ricky.

Damon.

- LIL PAPI: Ah, shit! - Thank you.

I'm-a be stylin' and profilin'.

Look inside.

- Some socks for them feet. - [LAUGHS] Thank you.

[SNIFFS]

Thank you.

I got you.

This one's for you.

Before I met you, everything was in black and white.

And that kind of thinking don't work in a gray world.

You taught me to appreciate life and

treasure every breath.

You adjusted my focus and now I see in color.

I just hope you do that for other people.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

Angel, you... you didn't open your present.

Mm-mm. I told you I didn't want anything.

Oh, girl, open it.

- Mm-mm, not with that fork. - [LAUGHTER]

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

Lord Jesus, you got us bawling like

bitches before we've even eaten.

[LAUGHTER]

What is wrong with you?

We all pitched in, Mother, and got you this.

Now what is this?

Okay.

- It's a cute wrapper. - [LAUGHTER]

- I picked it out. - Okay, you right.

So it's a heart 'cause that's what you are to us.

Our heart.

[SNIFFLES]

Excuse me. Thank you.

LIL PAPI: I love y'all.

But could we eat?

- Oh. - Boy.

Yes, please.

Daddy's hungry, hungry.

- Pass the lo mein. - Merry Christmas, y'all.

Merry Christmas.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

- Synced & Corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --