All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine Nine - 5x03 - Kicks.WEB-DL.en

Okay, we're all set up
in there, Mr. Peralta.

Just sign here.

What's all set up?
What's going on?

Ah, thank you for asking,
Terrence.

You see, the food
in prison was inedible.

All I thought
about day and night

were the things
I wished I was eating.

And you, Amy.
I thought about you a lot.

Sex with you, just,
us doing sex with foreplay.

Great save, babe. Thanks.

And so I decided to make
my food fantasy come true.

Unbutton your pants
and take off your shoes,

'cause there's gonna
be a doinkload of sodium

at Freedom Feast 2017.

We begin where
all great stories begin.

In the quaint little town
of French Fry Village.

After that, we're gonna
move our adventure over

to Cheeseburger Mountain,

which consists... you guessed
it... of turkey burgers.

I'm kidding, it's cheeseburgers.

This is kind of just stuffing.
You can avoid that.

But it's attached to
the Thanksgiving turkey theme

'cause I was thinking about
that a lot up in the jail.

And finally, we have
a big old Passover brisket

'cause you know I loves my mom.

If you would all take a seat
while I make a toast.

Kindly raise your two liters.

To freedom, to you,
and most importantly,

to orange drank.

And sex with Amy.

To sex with Amy!

Sorry. Shouldn't have
said that last part.

Oink, oink.

Good morning, sir.

Your expression
is inscrutable as always.

And yours is extremely
scrutable.

You want something.

A video game, perhaps?

Or a fidget spinner?

I do want both of those things,

but that's not why I'm here.

I'm back and I'm ready for
a case, so what do you got?

A murder? A sui?
A murder-sui?

They often follow one another.

Ooh, maybe you've got
an avunculicide up in there?

The murder of an uncle.

I'm surprised you know
what that word means.

I learned about a lot
of new crimes in prison.

Those people real bad.

You know
you can't work a case yet.

You've been assigned
to desk duty.

Oh, please. Don't make me
sit behind a desk all day.

That's worse than prison.

No, it's not.
Prison real bad.

Those are the rules
for anyone experiencing

a traumatic work-lapse.

It wasn't that traumatic.

You just said, and I quote,

"Prison real bad."

Look, I'm ready.
I'm the same old Jake.

I don't know why
you have an issue with this.

Rosa was happy to comply.

So, what, now I'm just supposed

to do anything that Rosa does?

I mean, what if she
jumped off a cliff?

If Rosa were
to jump off a cliff,

she would've done her
due diligence regarding

the height of the cliff,
the depth of the water,

and the angle of entry,
so... yes.

If you see Rosa jump off
a cliff, by all means.

Jump off a cliff.

You jump off a cliff.

Gladly.

Provided Rosa did first.

Hey. Babe.

You forgot your lunch at home.

Aww, thanks Adrian.
You're the sweetest.

Aww, of course.

I French kissed every
slice of meat in that sandwich.

Pimento, welcome back.

How was Argentina?

Eh, it was
kind of boring, actually.

Although, one funny thing
did happen to me.

Still feels like you and I

have a different idea
about what a funny thing is.

Right? Anyway.
I should boogie.

What?
Say good-bye to mommy.

Ooh, don't mind if I do.

All right,
I'm just gonna look over here.

- Okay. I'm doing that thing.
- Man.

- I think it's still happening.
- I'm still hearing it.

Phew!

Hang on. Were you creeps
watching that the whole time?

- Well...
- Uh...

I'm just kidding.
I know you were.

It's like an eclipse.
You should always look at it

with both eyes wide open.
Full on. You're welcome.

I love you, babe.

- Love you too.
- Yeah!

Must be so nice
having Pimento back.

I mean, you shouldn't
eat that sandwich.

Something's wrong.
He's acting weird...

- Er than normal?
- Yes.

He's not telling me something.

You guys did spend
several months apart.

Maybe it's all in your head.

Oh.
Bitches be crazy,

is that what
you're saying, Terry?

What?
No, no.

I did not say that.
I would never say that.

Not cool, Terry.

My relationship's in trouble.

Terry loves women!

Women be sane!

Welcome to the first day
of the rest of your life,

desk brother.

I don't think so.

This is just temporary.

That's what I said.

Join us, Jake.

You know you want to.

Both: We're going to Wingsluts.

My God. Charles!

Charles, Charles, Charles!

What's wrong?

Going crazy over here, man.

The only worthwhile thing
I've done today

was take a Buzzfeed quiz
about what kind of onion I am.

Hm. Vidalia.

Ah. Cipollini.

That was not
the point of my story.

- Oh.
- Desk duty is a nightmare.

Name one thing someone
accomplished

while sitting behind a desk.

Abraham Lincoln
abolished slavery.

Yeah, but think about how
much faster he would've done it

if he'd got off his ass
once in a while, right?

Well, just tell me what
you're working on, huh?

Before the stapling starts
again, please? Please?

- I don't know if I should.
- Charles, Charles, Charles!

I need this, man.
Just give me a little taste.

- Grand larceny.
- No!

- Ow!
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!

I just...
I love grand larceny.

I know.
I didn't wanna bring it up.

It'll never happen again,
just...

Who got robbed?

- Sneaker store.
- I hope you die!

- Ah!
- Oh! That was way too harsh.

Charles, forgive me.

This is crazy, right?
It doesn't seem fair.

I should be working this case.

Yeah.

I will work this case.

There's gotta be
a way to fix it.

And I'm gonna figure it out.

- Are you serious?
- Yes.

Yeah!

Wow, throwing your file
all over the place, Charles?

Really immature.
Yeah, you're right.

I'll go clean it up.

Well, figured out
what's off with Pimento.

He's cheating on me.

- No.
- Oh, Rosa.

I found his
credit card statement.

There's a charge for
a restaurant called La Palapa.

Two entrees. One flan.

- One flan?
- One flan.

- That's cold.
- Yeah.

Cold.

I'm so confused.

Both: They shared the flan!

Okay, but...

That seems like
a bit of a stretch.

Nope.
When it comes to cheating,

you gotta pay attention
to all the signs.

During my year abroad in Japan,

I learned that the hard way.

Chiaki...

There was no Japanese tea sock.

But there was a Japanese man.

I wasted a year on Chiaki.

So, what should I do?

Maybe don't jump to conclusions.

No! Interrogate him!

Follow the flan, Rosa.

Follow the flan.

Right.

Follow the flan.

Guess what
I'm holding behind my back?

Before we begin,

what are the parameters
of the guessing game?

How many guesses do I get?
Is there a time limit?

Forget it.
You ruin everything.

It's the police code
and ethics manual.

Chapter four. Page 83.

You should not have told me.

I never would've guessed it.

Now I've won.

This.
This is what I've missed.

It clearly states that
I can get off of desk duty if

I pass a field evaluation
performed by a member

of the Municipal Police
Training Council.

That's right.
It's a loophole.

Loophole high five.

- Loop...
- Hole.

- Loop...
- Hole!

Enough. This is
highly inappropriate.

Did you also see
where it states,

"If you fail the evaluation,
you will be suspended"?

I would have to take
your gun and badge.

I'm not worried about that.

I swear to my personal Lord
and Savior, Steph Curry,

I'm ready.

I think you're rushing.
It's a bad idea.

Doesn't matter. I'm allowed
to demand my own evaluation.

Yes, but as your
commanding officer,

I choose the evaluator.
And I choose...

Me.

Wait. What?

I'm a qualified member
of the MPTC.

I'll administer it.

All right. Fine.

I'll pass your dumb evaluation

and crack this case.
Bring it on.

- I will.
- Good.

- Good.
- You're good. But I'm better.

And I'm gonna ace this thing
before you can even...

Oh, wait, wait,
what are you writing down?

Sir? What are you writing down?

Charles...
What's he writing?

- Write something good.
- Write something good.

We're just gonna leave.
Just stop writing.

Just stop writing.
Stop writing.

- Unless it's good.
- No.

- Is it good?
- Is it good?

We're gonna go. Sir?

Write something good.

Write something good.

It looks like the perp
knew what he was after.

All he took was a shipment
of thousand dollar

limited edition Weezies
designed by Little Wayne.

Oh, it's Lil.

- Oh, like Lillian.
- No.

Lillian Wayne. Okay.

Okay.

Captain, I hope you're
wearing your evaluating pants,

'cause I'm about to put on
a crime solving clinic.

I am wearing
my evaluating pants.

What? 'Cause I was just...

Wait, what are evaluating pants?

They have a deep bottom
pocket for my notepad,

and they don't crease,
which is a must,

given how much
I squat during an evaluation.

Mmkay, well there were
no witnesses to the crime,

which is weird since there was
a long line of sneaker-heads

right outside the window,
and you're actually squatting.

Just, uh, ignore me.

Unless you can't.

It's not a problem.
I love ignoring you.

Don't write that down.
But continuing with the case,

There were no signs
of forced entry.

- Hm.
- No fingerprints.

- Hmm.
- And no DNA evidence.

- Hmm.
- Okay, I can't ignore you.

What are you writing down there?

Probably that
you're crushing it, Jake,

because you are crushing it.

Are you trying to squat a peek?

Of course I'm trying
to squat a peek,

but I also might be
solving the case.

Charles, come take a look at
this... there's a security camera

across the street
we didn't see before.

I have a feeling our answers
are in that footage.

Squat five.
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- Too far.
- I'll move closer.

- Still too far.
- A little closer.

- Getting closer.
- There we go.

Worth it.

I followed the flan.

I confronted Pimento about
La Palapa and he lied to me.

He denied ever even
hearing about the restaurant.

- Hmm, that is strange.
- And this morning,

he left the house
in clean clothes.

He never does that.
Never?

You need to follow him.

Catch him with his spoon
in the flan.

That's exactly
what I was thinking.

I need to check out
a full surveillance kit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's against the rules.
Sarge?

There are no rules when
it comes to cheating, Amy.

I totally agree.

But unfortunately,
the NYPD does not.

I can't lend you department
equipment for personal use.

But there may be a work-around.
Hitchcock!

You have any surveillance
equipment Rosa can borrow?

You mean my creep kit?

No prob.
Got another one in the car.

See, Amy? That's what
a real friend looks like.

Okay.
Security footage came in.

Let's see what we got.

Probably a huge break.

Well, let's not put too much
pressure on it.

You're right.
It's probably a dead end.

- Also not helpful.
- Let's just watch the footage.

Yes. Great. All right, so,

here we have the camped-out
line of sneaker-heads.

Not much going on
around midnight.

Let's just fast-forward.
It's okay.

Still pretty calm
at around 1:00 a.m.

- That's all right.
- Fast forward.

And also looking a little bit
slow around 3:00 a.m.

So, basically it shows nothing.

Or...

Does it show everything?

Ooh!

Sorry not sorry.
It was just a stupid pencil.

It was a gift
from my deceased father.

A pencil?
Your dad gave pretty bad gifts.

Although on the other hand,
all my dad ever gave me

was abandonment issues,
so, potato-tomato.

But look at this.
Right around 4:00 a.m.,

the line moves down.

Everyone except
for that blue pup tent,

which is interesting.

Oh, my boy's got a hunch.

He's got bunches of hunches.

I think they didn't move down

because they didn't care
about their place in line.

I believe all they cared about

was the placement
of their tent, which was...

Right over this manhole cover.

And I wonder what's behind this.

Hayouken!

Oh, look.

It's the sneaker store
stock room.

Whoa.
How does he do it, folks?

It was a team effort, Boyle.

Humble five?
You know it.

Both: Uh, I couldn't possibly.

Of course we still have no idea

who was in the blue pup tent.

You know what?
There is no pleasing you.

That is accurate.

What do you want?

- Hey.
- Hi, Rosa.

How's the Pimento
stake out going?

Has he done anything
suspicious yet?

No.
Just regular Pimento stuff.

Ugh. It's like
he's going all norm-core

to through me off the scent.

Or maybe it could be
Pimento wasn't cheating on you.

What? You sound like
a real Amy right now.

- Hey.
- I know,

but even a broken Amy
can be right twice a day.

Hey!

We went to lunch at La Palapa
and we shared the flan.

Oh, so you two are boning now?

Both: No!

The flan's huge.
Everyone shares it.

The restaurant tells you to.
Hmm.

Maybe it's time to put
the creep kit away, Rosa.

Wait.

Pimento just walked up
to a woman.

A female woman?

Rosa, is it a female woman?

They just kissed.

Oh, no.

I'm so sorry, Rosa.

Whatever.

Hope you enjoyed the flan.

So, what's this about
a giant flan?

The manager at the store
recognized the pup tent

from two previous
sneaker launches.

And he ID'd the owner
as one Morris Richman.

Who just so happens
to work for Con Ed,

on underground electrical wires.

He also just so happens
to live a-right a-here.

You might wanna squat for this,
Mr. Evaluator.

I decide when
the squatting is necessary.

This was my choice.

- Can I help you?
- NYPD.

Are you Morris Richman?

- Yes.
- And are those

Weezies?

Yes.

- Well done, Peralta.
- Thank you.

But it wasn't me.
It was Steph...

Working through me.

What is going on?

Oh, he's been evaluating me.

It's been up and down,
but this is a clear win.

Oh, sorry, you mean
what's going on with you?

You're under arrest
for grand larceny.

I didn't do anything.

Is this about the Weezies?

A friend gave them to me.

I'm innocent.
Come on, man, I'm innocent.

Sure you are, buddy.

We all know you did it.

Charles!

We arrested the wrong guy.
- What?

Morris Richman didn't do it.
We have to fix this right now.

I'll wait for you
to not be naked.

This is really bad, Charles.

Jake, can you please
spiral a little quieter?

Nikolaj is still asleep

and if he hears two men
arguing in the next room,

he might think
he's getting sold again.

Aww, man,
his backstory is so sad.

- I know.
- Look.

I don't know how I screwed
this up, I mean,

maybe Holt got in my head
with all of his squatting.

- It was a powerful image.
- I think I rushed this all

so I could pass the evaluation.
Bottom line,

we arrested the wrong guy.

What about the pup tent?

And the manhole?
And he was wearing Weezies.

Maybe his friend gave them
to him just like he said.

We have no physical evidence

tying him to the stock room.

Plus, where are the rest
of the sneakers?

Okay. So,

do we tell Captain Holt?

No. Then he'll fail me
and I'll get suspended.

We gotta solve this on our own.

And I think I know how.
I found a lead on the dark web.

Nice. The dark web.

It's the only place
you can buy quality bat meat.

Mm. Gross.
Anyways, I posted a message

looking for Weezies and
I got pointed to MizzBK-Sneaks.

She put this pic up yesterday.

Ah.
Those are our stolen shoes.

But who's MizzBK-Sneaks?

Her name is Jenny McFadden.

She moves her merch out of the
back of a bodega on Willoughby.

Cool, cool, cool, cool.
All right, one problem.

If we go to the bodega
looking like detectives,

we'll spook her.

Right you are, Charles my chum.

But we won't
look like detectives.

I brought all my best sneakers.

Get your fat, sweaty feet ready.

Yeah.

We're gonna look
flippity-dippity-fly.

Hey. So, you doing okay?

Not really.

I waited outside
that restaurant for two hours

and he never came out.

Cantaloupe?

I'm good. Amy?

Also good. Also good.

I spent the whole night
riding my bike,

just thinking and riding,
riding and thinking.

Also, I drank some water
from the stream.

And what did you figure out?

I'm gonna dump his ass.
He should be here any minute.

Oh, you're gonna do it
at work. That's great.

There you are.

Babe, I've been
looking for you all night.

You didn't come home.

'Cause I knew if I did,
I would stab you in the face.

Oh, Terry, we have
the thing in the other room.

- Mm-hmm.
- Phone...

Yeah. Meeting. Uh, work.
Friend lunch. Yep.

So is this
a sexy stab in the face?

Or an angry stab in the face?

Don't play dumb with me.

I know about your mistress.
I know about La Palapa.

I know about the flan.

- Babe, wait.
- Oh, I've been waiting.

I waited all night to do this.

We're done. It's over.

What? No.

I don't have a mistress.

That woman's name
is Señora Reyes.

She's my Spanish teacher.

- Oh, please.
- No, I'm serious.

The only reason
we were even at La Palapa

was so I can practice
ordering in Spanish.

Ah... by the way...

It did?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Adrian, I'm so sorry.
You must be so mad at me.

What? No, of course
I'm not mad at you.

Are you kidding? Jealousy's,
like, the hottest emotion.

Let's do this.

Okay, let's do it.

All right. This guy
looks like the gatekeeper.

Just follow my lead.
Okay.

Hey, how are ya?

Just grabbing a couple things.

Ham puffs, a single tampon,
and a hot rod magazine?

- Know how we do.
- Ahh.

Hey, listen, we're looking
to score some kicks.

You know where we can find some?

Yeah. The mall.

The mall. What do we look
like, Jay and Silent Bob?

Actually, yeah.

Fair enough.

Look, we're friends
with Jenny McFadden.

Okay.
Well, if that's true,

tell me what her
favorite shoe is.

Old school Impala All-Stars.

- Okay. I'll go get her.
- Great.

I can't believe that worked.

I just guessed the coolest shoe
I knew and I was right.

Nope, he's running away.

Ugh, these shoes
are so uncomfortable!

They're dress sneakers,

you're not supposed
to run in them.

Freeze!

NYPD. Let me see your hands.

I didn't do anything.

Then why were you running?

I didn't want any trouble.
I have two priors.

Where is Jenny McFadden?

There is no Jenny McFadden.

That's a cover for the dude
who steals the shoes.

His name is Morris Richman.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.
Why are you freaking out?

This is great.
You were right all along.

It was Morris Richman.

You'll definitely pass
your evaluation now.

Yeah, the only thing is...

You let Morris Richman go?

Single tampon?

I am in shock, Peralta.

I can't believe
you released Morris Richman.

We have evidence.

Great evidence that Jake found.

Exactly, which makes it even
worse that he let him go.

That's not fair. I was trying
to help, but he tricked me.

You blew this case.
You bungled your evaluation,

and you never retrieved
my father's pencil.

Sir, I am happy
to get you a new pencil.

It won't be the same.
And now you're just

standing here, mum as a mouse.

Have you nothing to say
for yourself?

- I can explain.
- Of course he can.

My boy's got bunches
of explunches. Hit 'em, Jake.

I'm not ready to be back.

You should suspend me.
What?

Look, when we arrested Richman

and he said he didn't do it,
I just...

I couldn't stop
thinking about it.

I mean, what if he was
telling the truth?

What if he was innocent

and I was putting
an innocent man in jail?

It's just...

Feels a lot harder for me
to put another human being

in prison after
experiencing it myself.

It's really horrible.

Look, I wanted
to be back in the field,

because I wanted
to be the old me,

but the truth is,
I'm not the old me yet.

Maybe I never will be.

Anyways, I'm gonna
go cry in the bathroom.

Peace out, homies.

Hey. What's going on?

I thought everything worked out.

Is there a reason
you're still upset?

What makes you think I'm upset?

The giant hole
you carved into the table.

Oops. Didn't notice.

There. Fixed it.

Look, I get it.

You feel guilty about
accusing him of cheating.

That's on me.

I encouraged you because of all
my unresolved Chiaki issues.

No, it's not that, it's just...

Last night, when I ended
things with Adrian,

I had this huge feeling
of relief.

It's the first time in
a long time

that I felt like myself again.

Oh, Rosa.

I think I got so worked up
about him cheating on me

because I wanted it to be true.

I needed an excuse
to end things.

And now I don't know what to do.

I think you do know what to do.

Thanks, Amy.

I have no idea
what she's gonna do

but that's the safest way
to give Rosa advice.

Yep.

Packing your desk.

That's a major downer.

Yeah, so why
are you smiling like that?

We found Morris Richman.

Nuh-uh, Jake found him.

We talked about this, Boyle.

We agreed that if you
couldn't keep it together,

you couldn't be a part of this.

I'll be good.

We went through your case file,

and everything
we needed was there.

Richman's aliases,
his known associates,

and an address in Queens
that he used as a safe house.

The 2-7 just picked him up.

Tell him the other stuff.
Tell him.

Tell him now.

Yeah. I can't be here.

When you demanded
to be put back on the field,

I worried
that you were being flippant

about your time in prison.

I thought you would
be reckless, but I was wrong.

Prison has made you
more cautious.

Yeah, but what if
I'm too cautious now?

I mean, I used to see
everything as black and white,

and now,
it's looking real gray to me.

I wish every cop had a voice
in their head asking,

what if he's innocent?

You see it as weakness,
but it means you're growing.

It makes you a better detective.

So, you passed your evaluation.

You can go back in the field.

Oh.

Wow.

Thank you for passing me.

But I actually feel like

I need a little bit
more time to readjust.

I think I should ride the desk
for a few more weeks.

I respect that.

Okay, Charles,
you can come hug us now.

We know you're still there.

- I never left.
- Ugh!

Thank you for understanding.

Yeah.

Oh. Look.

Oh, boy.

- Here's your blood back.
- Mm.

Well, in that case,

I guess you should have
your blood back too.

What? How did you get this?

You know, I might want
a couple minutes up here alone.

Just to kinda process this,
you know.

Of course.

So, how'd it go?

It actually went
surprisingly well...

No! Rosa!
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Honestly, this is the best
I could've asked for.

Not a doctor. Shh.