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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,315 --> 00:00:33,681 I love you. 2 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,809 I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 3 00:00:38,222 --> 00:00:40,554 Will you marry me? 4 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,951 Baby... 5 00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:46,991 Baby... 6 00:00:48,098 --> 00:00:50,123 Baby, your breath smells like dog food. 7 00:00:51,669 --> 00:00:54,035 Just a hint of Rottweiler butt. 8 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,329 You're on notice, Rocco. 9 00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:59,304 When Felicia moves in, you have to clean up your act. 10 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,634 Bon app�tit. 11 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,862 I have a very big surprise for you. 12 00:01:55,065 --> 00:01:57,158 A very big surprise. 13 00:01:58,168 --> 00:02:01,763 I know you're dying to know, I won't tell you, no matter how much you beg. 14 00:02:02,306 --> 00:02:04,797 No. Not even a hint. 15 00:02:15,853 --> 00:02:19,949 Wow, this is incredible, Jerry. What 's this all about? 16 00:02:20,958 --> 00:02:25,292 Felicia, from the first moment I met you, I... 17 00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:31,759 I mean... from the first moment I saw you... 18 00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:36,129 - What I'm trying to say, Felicia... - You look sick all of a sudden. 19 00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:37,705 Are you alright? 20 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,876 Motion sickness. 21 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:44,741 The reason why I brought you up here is to tell you... 22 00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:47,746 ...to say... - Yes? 23 00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:51,578 - To ask, to communicate... - Just spit it out. 24 00:02:55,359 --> 00:02:57,987 I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it! 25 00:02:58,195 --> 00:03:00,789 Don't cover me in puke and try and call me baby. 26 00:03:00,998 --> 00:03:03,057 I'll make it up to you, Felicia. 27 00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:06,427 - Will you marry me? - No. 28 00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,803 Thank you. You made me the happiest... What? 29 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,570 - I met someone. - Met someone? 30 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,745 Andr� and I have all the things that we don't, Jerry. 31 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,743 - Andr�? - I introduced you once. 32 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,542 He details my BMW. 33 00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:24,585 You dump me for a guy who goes to work in a jumpsuit and rubber boots? 34 00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:29,384 Andr� and I connect on a level that you and I just never could. 35 00:03:29,593 --> 00:03:32,391 Jerry, I'm so sorry. 36 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,276 She dumped us, Rocco. 37 00:03:47,611 --> 00:03:50,774 I know you don't care. You can lick your own balls. 38 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:33,619 I' m not in. Leave a message, or don't leave a message. Whatever. 39 00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:36,224 Hello Jerry,it's me. Pick up. 40 00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:38,519 Dude,I know you're there. 41 00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:41,197 Come on,quit acting like a little kid. You're so immature. 42 00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:43,860 Pick up now, or I'm gonna fart into the phone. 43 00:04:46,136 --> 00:04:48,570 Leave me alone. I'm wallowing in self-pity. 44 00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:51,566 It 's time to rejoin the living, Jerry. Come on, we're going out tonight. 45 00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:55,142 - Not interested. - Saddle up dough, baloney pony. 46 00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:58,781 It 's operation "Storm in the Foxholes". China Club, 21:OO hours. 47 00:04:58,982 --> 00:05:01,348 Ourobjective? Penetrate the enemy. 48 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,418 - Stop calling me. I'm not going. - This is nonnegotiable,Jerry. 49 00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:06,885 Either meet me tonight, or I'm gonna ask out your sister. 50 00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:09,684 And you know she'll go 'cause she's freaky like that. We both know her. 51 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:13,192 - Hang up. The toilet 's stuffed up. - I gotta go, there's an emergency. 52 00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:15,627 I gotta go. See ya. 53 00:05:24,841 --> 00:05:29,710 Thanks for fitting me in today, Daniel. I'm so tight. 54 00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:42,519 Go really deep this time. 55 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,364 Give it to me harder. 56 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,201 Harder. 57 00:06:03,714 --> 00:06:05,511 Harder. 58 00:06:12,756 --> 00:06:14,621 Harder. 59 00:06:18,228 --> 00:06:21,356 Come on, Daniel. Is this the best you can do? 60 00:06:26,436 --> 00:06:29,166 Ragoni, what the hell are you doing? 61 00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,841 I was just warming up for you. 62 00:06:39,249 --> 00:06:41,911 - Marshall, is that you? - Nick! 63 00:06:42,119 --> 00:06:45,054 Hey! Long time no see. How you doing? 64 00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:48,452 You've got to give me the name of your new escort service. 65 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,920 Cut it out, Nick. 66 00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:53,494 This is my fianc�e. Sheri. She ain't no escort skank. 67 00:06:53,697 --> 00:06:56,359 - She and I are in love. - That 's right. 68 00:06:56,566 --> 00:07:00,593 Marshall here is the most interesting and exciting man I've ever met. 69 00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:05,036 - And he's a wonderful lover. - Oh, I get it, she's retarded. 70 00:07:05,242 --> 00:07:07,574 Actually she's one of the sharpest bartenders at Hooters. 71 00:07:07,778 --> 00:07:12,408 Marshy. Excuse me, fellas. I'm going to attend to the landing strip. 72 00:07:13,216 --> 00:07:17,983 - And classy, too. - We met on a cruise. 73 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,051 There's just something about the ocean air, the sun. 74 00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:24,921 It really makes it easier to meet people. We connected right away. 75 00:07:25,128 --> 00:07:26,595 Very first night. 76 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:30,022 - With her? Very first night? - Yes! 77 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,929 There are dozens of women just as friendly as her on board. 78 00:07:34,137 --> 00:07:36,230 Dude, I gotta tell ya. Whatever you're doing... 79 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,500 take a week off and get yourself on one of those boats. 80 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:44,169 There's a line at the can. Honey, can we skip dinner? 81 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:49,114 You look so hot you got me in the mood for a takeout in bed. 82 00:07:52,823 --> 00:07:54,723 Tongue. 83 00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:00,429 Wow. 84 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:12,398 Wasn't that crazy Marshall Geller who worked in our high school cafeteria? 85 00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:17,546 Nope. That was crazy Marshall Geller, my new personal hero. 86 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,339 Dude, let 's bolt. 87 00:08:19,549 --> 00:08:22,450 Hanging around some stupid bar is no place to meet women. 88 00:08:22,652 --> 00:08:25,678 What are you talking about? You've begged me to come here for months! 89 00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:27,686 Jerry, buddy... 90 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,816 trust me... 91 00:08:30,026 --> 00:08:33,223 I have seen the light. 92 00:09:03,193 --> 00:09:05,252 Son of a bitch! 93 00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:06,886 That was my space! 94 00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:09,531 - Fuck you! - Fuck you right back, buddy! 95 00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:12,429 Back off. I don't wanna see an out of shape slob get his butt kicked. 96 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,661 - He ain't that out of shape. - I'm talking about you! 97 00:09:14,871 --> 00:09:16,463 You break a sweat changing your shoes. 98 00:09:16,673 --> 00:09:19,005 - Stop. Bite me! - Blow me! 99 00:09:19,209 --> 00:09:21,040 - Kiss my ass! - Fuck your mother! 100 00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:24,475 Oh, yeah? No one would want to fuck my mother 'cause she's too ugly. 101 00:09:24,681 --> 00:09:26,478 - I think I lost that one, didn't I? - Oh, yeah. 102 00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:34,289 Okay. That 's the 7-day, 6-night fun in the sun singles package... 103 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,857 with the standard 3 to 1 female to male ratio. 104 00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,686 Just as the doctor ordered, right, buddy? 105 00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:43,331 I don't know, Nick. I don't think I'm ready for this. 106 00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:46,297 Not ready? Come on. It 's been six months. 107 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,403 I don't like the sun... 108 00:09:48,605 --> 00:09:50,368 and I get seasick. 109 00:09:51,474 --> 00:09:53,567 I don't know what to say to strange women. 110 00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:56,644 We're not going for the discourse. We're going for the intercourse. 111 00:09:56,846 --> 00:10:00,407 Sex! That 's all you ever think about. Sex, sex, sex! 112 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,340 We'll take it. 113 00:10:02,953 --> 00:10:04,443 There you go. 114 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:09,350 Larry, you're still here. 115 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,655 - Your mother died. - What? 116 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,660 - When? - This morning. I'm sorry. 117 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:19,562 - I thought you got my Post-it. - Okay, thanks, Michael. 118 00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,669 Alright. Now, gentlemen... 119 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:25,602 I might want you to consider this stateroom. It 's a little bit larger... 120 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:35,044 Would you excuse me for just a moment? 121 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,717 Help! 122 00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:40,446 Mama, no! 123 00:10:44,294 --> 00:10:45,921 - You! - Fuck you, pal. 124 00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:47,687 - Fuck you back. - Fuck your mother. 125 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,856 - No one would fuck my mother... - We've been through this before! 126 00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,734 Excuse me. What seems to be the problem here? 127 00:10:53,937 --> 00:10:56,064 This guy. Pecker face. 128 00:10:56,273 --> 00:10:58,002 - That 's the problem - This guy's a jerk. 129 00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,574 Alright, Brian, you know what? Enough. Let me handle this. 130 00:11:00,777 --> 00:11:03,143 - You go check on the ski packages. - Yeah. Fuck off. 131 00:11:03,346 --> 00:11:05,041 - Ski over near the Maui getaways. - Yeah. 132 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,648 - Remember? Since the changeover? - Yeah, I got it. 133 00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:10,084 I am so sorry. 134 00:11:10,287 --> 00:11:11,879 Brian's had a little problem with the... 135 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,251 And the... and the... and the... 136 00:11:16,493 --> 00:11:19,758 Yeah, bad news. But now he's doing fine. 137 00:11:19,963 --> 00:11:23,729 He's doing a lot of great work with unwed teenage mothers. 138 00:11:24,668 --> 00:11:26,499 So... Alright. 139 00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:31,934 Let 's see... 7-day, 6-night vacation cruise. Is that correct? 140 00:11:32,142 --> 00:11:33,905 - That 's the one. - Right. 141 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:37,477 Yeah, right. Okay. 142 00:11:42,319 --> 00:11:44,287 You guys are set, gentlemen. 143 00:11:44,487 --> 00:11:48,150 I think you'll have a very good time. Please enjoy your vacation. 144 00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:49,416 - Thank you very much. - You're welcome. 145 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,253 Hey, and you should probably do something about that guy. 146 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,721 Don't worry, I've already taken care of it. 147 00:11:55,432 --> 00:11:56,558 And, hey... 148 00:11:56,766 --> 00:12:00,600 - I'm a letter writer. - Duly noted. 149 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,669 Alright. 150 00:12:05,008 --> 00:12:07,306 Bye-bye, now. 151 00:12:08,178 --> 00:12:10,373 I'm too upset to work ski packages. 152 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:14,277 - I can't believe you took care of them. - I took care of them alright. 153 00:12:14,718 --> 00:12:17,744 'Cause no one calls my little pecker a pecker. 154 00:12:19,089 --> 00:12:21,785 - Huh? - Yeah. 155 00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:33,294 Wow! Look at the size of that thing! 156 00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:36,565 And just think, it 's filled with available women. 157 00:12:36,773 --> 00:12:39,503 Yeah! And here's the beauty part of the whole thing. 158 00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:42,576 They can't get away from us. We'll be in the middle of the ocean. 159 00:12:42,779 --> 00:12:46,681 They can try, but they'll drown or be eaten by sharks. It 's perfect. 160 00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:51,549 Sometimes I think there's something seriously wrong with you. 161 00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,814 I can live with that. 162 00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:58,391 - Excuse me. Can I ask you something? - Yes. 163 00:12:58,595 --> 00:13:01,257 - You board everybody on this ship? - Yes, sir. 164 00:13:01,765 --> 00:13:03,995 Let me ask you a question, from guy to guy. 165 00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:06,359 Is there a lot of sweet ass on this ship? 166 00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:08,594 I'm sure you'll be very happy. 167 00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:10,568 - Yes! Right, Jerry? - Yeah! 168 00:13:10,774 --> 00:13:13,004 Alrighty! 169 00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:17,409 And all filled with hot, beautiful women! 170 00:13:17,947 --> 00:13:21,144 - Yes! - Awesome, awesome, awesome! 171 00:13:21,351 --> 00:13:26,345 Think of the sexiest creatures boarding this love boat as we speak! 172 00:13:32,662 --> 00:13:35,654 - Alright, this is great! - Yeah, you know! 173 00:13:36,199 --> 00:13:38,963 - Hello! - Hey! What 's up, guys? 174 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,900 How you doin'? 175 00:13:41,671 --> 00:13:43,730 Alright! 176 00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:46,067 - Lovely boat, huh? - Oh, yeah. 177 00:13:46,276 --> 00:13:48,506 Don't you ever doubt me. 178 00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,946 What the hell was that? 179 00:14:00,156 --> 00:14:03,489 Well, onboard entertainment. 180 00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:06,753 You know? I bet Cirque du Soleil is here. Like Vegas. 181 00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:09,295 - Cool. - Right? 182 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,096 Hey, how are ya? 183 00:14:20,543 --> 00:14:23,410 There it is. Stateroom 211. 184 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,105 The number that 'll be on every woman's lips by the end of the trip. 185 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,945 Let 's do it. 186 00:14:35,859 --> 00:14:37,451 That 's weird. 187 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,557 Only one bed. 188 00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:41,861 I know why. 189 00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:45,967 We're going to have so much sex one guy's always going to sleep out. 190 00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:47,294 Yeah, right. 191 00:14:47,504 --> 00:14:50,564 You better hope that couch is more comfortable than it looks. 192 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,636 There's a mirror on the ceiling. 193 00:14:56,579 --> 00:14:57,807 Excelente. 194 00:14:58,014 --> 00:15:01,711 That way the babes can watch me get my peak on. 195 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,920 Check this out, Jer. 196 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,589 - Four racquetball courts. - Hey! 197 00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:12,193 - Nine cocktail lounges, a casino. - Six and eight 's a running mate! 198 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,087 A video arcade... 199 00:15:14,297 --> 00:15:16,993 Onboard chest waxing salon... 200 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:22,296 - Chest waxing? - Yes, of course, for swimming. 201 00:15:22,939 --> 00:15:24,668 Let me see that. 202 00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:29,769 Club Socrates wants you to know you'll be treated like a queen. 203 00:15:31,948 --> 00:15:35,543 - You mean king? - Queen. It says so right there. 204 00:15:37,554 --> 00:15:39,647 That 's weird. 205 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,889 Hello? Ring, ring, ring. 206 00:15:46,663 --> 00:15:49,257 Everybody conga. 207 00:15:49,499 --> 00:15:54,801 Conga,conga,conga,everybody party Party,party,party 208 00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:56,733 Five o'clock today 209 00:15:56,940 --> 00:16:01,172 Yeah, baby! I told you, Jer. This boat is wild! 210 00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:07,378 - Where's the party, sweet thing? - Stateroom 209. Stateroom 209. 211 00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:11,510 It 's casual. 212 00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:24,129 To fresh scratches on our backs. 213 00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:27,098 - Scotch and soda, please. - Coming right up, sir. 214 00:16:30,873 --> 00:16:32,773 Oh, please. 215 00:16:32,976 --> 00:16:36,241 Why do they always have to play Liza? 216 00:16:36,446 --> 00:16:39,415 I don't know. I kinda like "Liza With a Z". 217 00:16:39,616 --> 00:16:41,982 Yeah, it 's kind of cool for making out. 218 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:46,115 I prefer Johnny Mathis, myself. 219 00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:49,917 Yeah, if you're gonna make out with a dude. 220 00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:55,163 That is very funny. 221 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,969 My name is Faversham. Lloyd Faversham. 222 00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:01,932 - Nick Ragoni. - Nick. 223 00:17:02,138 --> 00:17:03,264 - Jerry. - Jerry. 224 00:17:03,473 --> 00:17:05,566 - Is this your first cruise? - No, my third. 225 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,834 - And you? - Numero uno. 226 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:13,708 Then you are going to positively adore it. It is one wild... 227 00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:16,476 ...decadent week. - That 's why we're here, right? 228 00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:18,620 - All night parties. - Excellent. 229 00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:21,847 - Midnight skinny dipping. - Sign me up! 230 00:17:22,058 --> 00:17:26,859 And if you're into it, lots of sex, sex... sex. 231 00:17:27,063 --> 00:17:29,497 You hear that, Jer? All the sex a man could want. 232 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:33,265 Well, then you must visit the hole in one room. 233 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,199 Oh? They have an onboard driving range? 234 00:17:36,406 --> 00:17:40,900 Some of the chaps down there do swing some very large clubs. 235 00:17:41,911 --> 00:17:45,039 You two have an open relationship? 236 00:17:45,248 --> 00:17:47,182 Open? What do you mean by "open relationship"? 237 00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:50,045 - I mean do you date? - Of course we date. 238 00:17:50,253 --> 00:17:51,686 - That 's why we're here. - Yeah. 239 00:17:51,888 --> 00:17:53,651 That 's absolutely wonderful. 240 00:17:53,856 --> 00:17:57,292 We must get together sometime. Go for a midnight swim. 241 00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,620 Do whatever feels right. 242 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:03,356 That is what a gay cruise is all about. 243 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,396 I see. 244 00:18:09,605 --> 00:18:11,698 Hear that, Jerry? 245 00:18:11,908 --> 00:18:15,366 We can do whatever we want. Whatever feels right. 246 00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:18,672 That 's what a gay cruise is all about. 247 00:18:19,415 --> 00:18:22,350 Whatever we want to do, we can do it... 248 00:18:22,552 --> 00:18:24,645 because it 's a gay cruise. 249 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:28,415 It 's a gay cruise, Jerry, not a bi-cruise. It 's a gay cruise! 250 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:34,058 Capital G, capital A, capital YMCA gay cruise, Jerry! 251 00:18:34,797 --> 00:18:36,731 Damn, damn, damn! 252 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,568 I wonder how many other people made the same mistake I did. 253 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:47,331 No one! Shit! Jerry! Don't worry, buddy! 254 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,637 I'm bringing you back home! I'm gonna get you out of here! Let 's go! 255 00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:57,081 Help! Help! Somebody help us! 256 00:18:57,286 --> 00:18:59,948 We're straight! We're straight. 257 00:19:00,156 --> 00:19:06,391 Hey, Nick! Stop acting like a jerk! We'll figure this out! 258 00:19:06,596 --> 00:19:09,588 What are we gonna do, Jerry? We gotta get off this boat! 259 00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:12,324 Excuse me sir, do you know where we can get off real quick? 260 00:19:12,535 --> 00:19:14,799 - Try the hole in one room. - I'm starting to think that 's... 261 00:19:15,004 --> 00:19:18,098 not a real driving range, Jer. In fact, I'm convinced of it. 262 00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:20,605 Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! 263 00:19:20,877 --> 00:19:23,641 We're trapped like rats! 264 00:19:27,683 --> 00:19:29,082 What? 265 00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:31,150 I checked our itinerary. 266 00:19:31,354 --> 00:19:33,618 We don't dock for four days. 267 00:19:33,823 --> 00:19:36,121 Why do I ever listen to you? 268 00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:38,555 Are you implying that this is somehow my fault? 269 00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,059 I'm not implying it. I'm saying it. 270 00:19:41,564 --> 00:19:44,658 If you hadn't insulted the travel agent, none of this would've happened. 271 00:19:45,568 --> 00:19:49,197 - Maybe there's another explanation. - Yeah? What? 272 00:19:49,839 --> 00:19:53,002 Maybe that travel agent thought he was doing you a favor. 273 00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:54,642 Because... 274 00:19:55,311 --> 00:19:57,336 - You know. - Because what? 275 00:19:57,547 --> 00:19:59,606 Because you're a little fem. That 's why. 276 00:19:59,816 --> 00:20:02,410 You always dress real nice. You're in shape. You're neat. 277 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,212 And you use those pastel colored balls at the bowling alley. 278 00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,855 Don't think that got past me. 279 00:20:11,828 --> 00:20:15,025 You're an idiot. A thick-headed moron. 280 00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:18,132 Felicia was right. I should've dumped your ass years ago! 281 00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:20,962 If you wanted to dump somebody's ass, it should've been Felicia's. 282 00:20:21,337 --> 00:20:24,966 That chick was Satan's sister, bro. Yeah! Devil in a d-cup! 283 00:20:25,174 --> 00:20:26,869 Felicia was as frosty a bitch as I've ever seen in my life! 284 00:20:27,076 --> 00:20:29,510 I'm gonna kill ya! 285 00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:31,803 Get off. 286 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,213 I know I heard do the bump-bump time. 287 00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:40,117 Hey you, don't get the wrong idea. 288 00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:42,486 Hector always gets the wrong idea. 289 00:20:43,092 --> 00:20:45,390 That 's why he is no longer welcome in the state of Missouri. 290 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,858 Buddy, you pranced into the wrong cabin. My friend and I... 291 00:20:49,966 --> 00:20:51,763 we're not gay. 292 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:56,403 Ring, ring. Hold the phone. What you tell me? You two guys are not gay? 293 00:20:56,606 --> 00:20:58,005 That 's right! 294 00:20:59,108 --> 00:21:02,202 Go on, pull Hector's other leg. He's got bells on it. 295 00:21:02,879 --> 00:21:04,506 I'm getting out of here. 296 00:21:06,582 --> 00:21:09,517 Gee. What hasn't gotten into him? 297 00:21:12,388 --> 00:21:14,549 Out. 298 00:21:14,757 --> 00:21:16,486 Oh,here he comes 299 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,683 Watch out,boy He'll chew you up 300 00:21:18,895 --> 00:21:20,624 Oh,here he comes 301 00:21:20,830 --> 00:21:22,559 He's a maneater 302 00:21:23,132 --> 00:21:25,191 Oh,here he comes 303 00:21:25,401 --> 00:21:27,426 Watch out,boy He'll chew you up 304 00:21:27,637 --> 00:21:29,161 Oh,here he comes 305 00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:31,602 He's a maneater 306 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:34,206 lwouldn't if lwere you 307 00:21:40,917 --> 00:21:45,684 Bachelor number 2. What 's the most unusual place you ever made love? 308 00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:50,325 Well, once I did it in a dressing room in International Male. 309 00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:53,086 Right. How about you, bachelor number 3? 310 00:21:53,696 --> 00:21:56,028 What 's the most unusual place that you ever made love? 311 00:21:56,666 --> 00:21:58,463 Inside a woman. 312 00:22:00,603 --> 00:22:02,036 Oh, no... 313 00:22:07,043 --> 00:22:10,877 Hey! Who do I have to screw to get a drink around here? 314 00:22:12,181 --> 00:22:13,773 Oops. 315 00:22:15,418 --> 00:22:17,113 Oops. 316 00:22:19,889 --> 00:22:21,823 Hey buddy, you okay? 317 00:22:23,025 --> 00:22:25,493 Do I look gay? 318 00:22:27,330 --> 00:22:30,094 Never saw an old gay grandpa before. 319 00:22:39,175 --> 00:22:41,370 Where are all the gay people at? 320 00:22:41,577 --> 00:22:44,239 You're all always supposed to want to party. 321 00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:47,610 Oops. Oops. 322 00:23:18,414 --> 00:23:22,145 - Are you okay? - I'm fine! 323 00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,958 Men on dates,holding hands, touching,kissing. 324 00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:41,466 I can't take it. Then I think "not delay it." 325 00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,934 Took too much shop in high school. 326 00:23:49,145 --> 00:23:51,739 Help! Pick me up! 327 00:23:52,214 --> 00:23:54,114 Get me out of here! 328 00:23:54,316 --> 00:23:56,784 Drop down a ladder! 329 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:00,111 I like girls! 330 00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:11,298 Please! 331 00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:14,594 Please, come back! 332 00:24:51,507 --> 00:24:54,340 I don't know anything about a flare gun. I swear I was here all night. 333 00:24:54,543 --> 00:24:57,808 A flare gun? I don't know anything. I was here all night. 334 00:24:58,180 --> 00:25:00,876 Flare gun? I don't know nothing about no stinking flare gun. 335 00:25:01,851 --> 00:25:04,684 - Oh, shit! - Okay. 336 00:25:04,820 --> 00:25:08,381 Here we are. You should go change now. 337 00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:11,287 Where's your robe? 338 00:25:11,494 --> 00:25:13,189 Okay. 339 00:25:13,462 --> 00:25:15,987 Okay, I give up. I did it. 340 00:25:16,298 --> 00:25:19,790 Hey, Jer, how was your evening? 341 00:25:20,402 --> 00:25:24,202 Hi. Your friend had a little too much to drink. 342 00:25:24,406 --> 00:25:26,101 She thinks I'm drunk. 343 00:25:26,709 --> 00:25:29,109 - Nicky, Nicky! - Alright, alright. 344 00:25:29,311 --> 00:25:32,178 I fell in the pool. 345 00:25:33,182 --> 00:25:35,810 - You're sitting on my balls! - Okay... 346 00:25:36,018 --> 00:25:37,451 I'm gonna leave you two alone. 347 00:25:38,053 --> 00:25:40,613 - Good night. - You're getting me all wet. 348 00:25:46,996 --> 00:25:48,327 Jerry! 349 00:25:48,531 --> 00:25:50,522 Wake up, I'm starving! 350 00:25:50,866 --> 00:25:52,993 Come on, Jerry! 351 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:57,033 Dude, don't make me go up there by myself. Get up. 352 00:25:57,773 --> 00:25:59,536 Jerry! 353 00:25:59,775 --> 00:26:01,265 Screw it. 354 00:26:01,844 --> 00:26:05,940 What am I afraid of? How gay can a buffet be? 355 00:26:36,278 --> 00:26:37,336 Is this seat taken? 356 00:26:37,546 --> 00:26:39,138 - Actually... - I hate dining alone. 357 00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:41,714 - I bet you feel the same way too. - I'm okay with it, actually. 358 00:26:41,917 --> 00:26:46,013 I see you took the omelette, the waffles and the flapjacks. 359 00:26:46,222 --> 00:26:50,886 Hungry little man, aren't you? Do you care for a bite of my sausage? 360 00:26:52,094 --> 00:26:54,358 In England, we call them bangers. 361 00:26:56,565 --> 00:26:58,692 Captain, can you come over here a minute, please? 362 00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:03,031 There's a small craft off the starboard trying to get our attention. 363 00:27:04,673 --> 00:27:08,268 - Help! - Help us! 364 00:27:08,477 --> 00:27:11,571 - Help! - Somebody save us! 365 00:27:13,282 --> 00:27:15,182 Jesus... 366 00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:19,013 Sound the alarm. All hands on dick... deck. 367 00:27:19,989 --> 00:27:21,513 Deck! 368 00:27:28,998 --> 00:27:31,057 Tea? 369 00:27:35,237 --> 00:27:37,000 For you. 370 00:27:45,214 --> 00:27:47,614 Oh, my God. 371 00:27:50,819 --> 00:27:54,880 - I must be dreaming. Pinch me. - Sure. My pleasure. 372 00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:57,820 - I didn't say on my ass. - You didn't not say it. 373 00:27:58,027 --> 00:28:02,088 I didn't think I had to specify. Jesus. 374 00:28:06,535 --> 00:28:09,265 Nick, Nick. Look, you gotta help me out. 375 00:28:09,471 --> 00:28:11,439 Remember that woman that dragged me into the room last night? 376 00:28:12,174 --> 00:28:13,801 I can't get her off my mind. 377 00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:17,135 She kissed me. Technically it was mouth to mouth. But it was fabulous. 378 00:28:17,346 --> 00:28:20,372 I mean, I gotta find her. I mean I was so wasted... 379 00:28:22,785 --> 00:28:26,346 - Who are they? - The answer to our prayers. 380 00:28:26,555 --> 00:28:28,989 Twelve of the most gorgeous creatures I've ever seen. 381 00:28:29,658 --> 00:28:32,786 But I'm not greedy. I'll share. 382 00:28:32,995 --> 00:28:35,725 Go ahead, pick... two. 383 00:28:37,366 --> 00:28:41,268 No. This girl's fabulous. She's special. 384 00:28:41,470 --> 00:28:43,233 I gotta find her. 385 00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:50,138 She's special. Special. 386 00:28:58,220 --> 00:29:00,051 Hello. 387 00:29:00,756 --> 00:29:03,816 - Hi. - Who are you? 388 00:29:04,026 --> 00:29:06,893 I'm Nick Ragoni, the most grateful man on the planet. 389 00:29:07,096 --> 00:29:09,690 I'm Inga. Very pleasurable to meet you. 390 00:29:09,965 --> 00:29:11,159 How'd you all get here? 391 00:29:11,567 --> 00:29:13,558 We are the Swedish sun tanning team... 392 00:29:13,769 --> 00:29:16,795 on our way to the Hawaiian Tropics Tanning Competition. 393 00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:19,496 Some bonehead shot down our helicopter. 394 00:29:19,708 --> 00:29:22,199 Coach had to make water landing. 395 00:29:22,411 --> 00:29:25,244 I didn't think this would happen until I died and went to heaven. 396 00:29:25,781 --> 00:29:28,875 It 's a lucky thing we were picked up by a boat full of homo boys. 397 00:29:29,084 --> 00:29:31,882 It would be terrible to have straight men hassling and ogling us... 398 00:29:32,087 --> 00:29:35,079 while we're trying to work on our even tan lines. 399 00:29:37,526 --> 00:29:39,721 You're so right. 400 00:29:40,429 --> 00:29:42,420 Lucky I'm gay! 401 00:29:42,998 --> 00:29:46,695 I'm super gay! I'm mega... I'm gay enormous! 402 00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:51,096 I'm so gay! But that 's good. 403 00:29:51,306 --> 00:29:55,436 'Cause now you guys can all feel comfortable in front of me... 404 00:29:55,644 --> 00:29:58,704 and take off your tops and stuff. 405 00:29:59,148 --> 00:30:01,207 And I can do this for you. 406 00:30:01,417 --> 00:30:05,148 I can put tanning oils and creamy lotions... 407 00:30:05,354 --> 00:30:08,414 all over your luscious bodies. 408 00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:15,023 And there won't be any worries for you because I'm so gay! 409 00:30:19,168 --> 00:30:24,470 Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! Almost finished! 410 00:30:29,344 --> 00:30:31,005 Okay, let 's do the back. 411 00:30:31,213 --> 00:30:35,309 The first time I think I realized I was gay... 412 00:30:35,517 --> 00:30:38,680 was when I was around twelve in Scouts. 413 00:30:38,921 --> 00:30:40,912 I really liked putting on that kerchief. 414 00:30:42,124 --> 00:30:44,388 In fact, it was the only part I liked about it. 415 00:30:44,793 --> 00:30:46,488 That and the nude swimming. 416 00:30:46,695 --> 00:30:50,654 Anyway, I hope you gals all feel comfortable around me. 417 00:30:51,133 --> 00:30:52,760 "Ja", Nick. 418 00:30:52,968 --> 00:30:56,028 'Cause I sure do feel comfortable around you. 419 00:30:57,573 --> 00:31:00,940 All done. Who's next? How about you, Ursula? 420 00:31:01,143 --> 00:31:05,512 Ready for your second coat? These thighs look a little dry. 421 00:31:05,881 --> 00:31:07,712 There we go. 422 00:31:10,152 --> 00:31:11,176 What do you want? 423 00:31:13,522 --> 00:31:15,422 What the hell is that? 424 00:31:15,624 --> 00:31:18,855 I got this from that dude over there. He's hot. 425 00:31:19,061 --> 00:31:24,465 You are no gay homo man. I am Sonya, coach of tanning team. 426 00:31:24,666 --> 00:31:25,928 - What? - Quiet! 427 00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:27,658 As long as these women are in training... 428 00:31:27,870 --> 00:31:31,829 there will be no trouser snakes near their hot luscious popos. 429 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:33,064 Put me down! 430 00:31:33,275 --> 00:31:35,300 Coach of the tanning team. That 's ridiculous. 431 00:31:35,511 --> 00:31:37,672 If I want to talk to any of these ladies, I will. 432 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,111 And there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me. 433 00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:42,305 Oh, yeah? 434 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,424 What the hell happened to you? 435 00:31:54,630 --> 00:31:56,791 I died and went to heaven. 436 00:31:56,999 --> 00:32:00,059 And then some muscle bound blonde dwarf knocked me back down to hell. 437 00:32:00,269 --> 00:32:02,897 - What? - You know those 12 gorgeous hotties? 438 00:32:03,105 --> 00:32:05,437 They've got a goddamn bodyguard. 439 00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:09,606 I can take disappointments, Jer. 440 00:32:09,811 --> 00:32:15,374 But little Mickey's already known such heartache in a short life. 441 00:32:15,584 --> 00:32:17,848 Well then I guess all three of us struck out. 442 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,579 I still can't find that girl. 443 00:32:20,789 --> 00:32:22,916 I've looked everywhere. 444 00:32:23,125 --> 00:32:25,821 You know, I've kissed Felicia for four years... 445 00:32:26,028 --> 00:32:29,327 and never felt anything like I felt last night. 446 00:32:29,965 --> 00:32:32,627 That girl is special. I gotta find her. 447 00:32:33,035 --> 00:32:35,697 You're abandoning me? What am I supposed to do? 448 00:32:37,906 --> 00:32:41,706 This is a luxury cruise! Not everything's gay-oriented. 449 00:32:41,910 --> 00:32:43,935 No more bets. 450 00:32:44,846 --> 00:32:46,973 Red three is the winner. 451 00:32:49,451 --> 00:32:53,854 Beautiful. Poker. This is gonna be sweet. 452 00:32:54,656 --> 00:32:57,591 These trouser pilots are no match for a lusty hetero like myself. 453 00:32:57,793 --> 00:33:00,557 This will be like taking candy from a baby. 454 00:33:00,762 --> 00:33:03,356 Why is that? Are gay men notorious bad gamblers? 455 00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:05,726 Awful. They can't bluff. 456 00:33:05,934 --> 00:33:07,834 They look at the cards, they start giggling. Terrible. 457 00:33:08,036 --> 00:33:12,996 Promise me you won't act like a gay bashing narrow minded Neanderthal. 458 00:33:13,208 --> 00:33:14,903 Jerry, buddy, you're talking to me. 459 00:33:15,377 --> 00:33:19,313 - Lady, couple of clubs, pass a flush... - Hello gays... guys. 460 00:33:20,182 --> 00:33:22,150 - Mind if I join you? - Sure thing, gorgeous. 461 00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:26,220 I can't remember. Does a straight beat a flush? 462 00:33:27,356 --> 00:33:29,620 Damn! I really thought I had this one. 463 00:33:30,292 --> 00:33:31,725 Listen, Nick. 464 00:33:31,994 --> 00:33:34,428 I don't want you to take offense, but can I give you a piece of advice? 465 00:33:34,696 --> 00:33:38,063 - What? - Don't clear your throat. 466 00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:39,899 What? 467 00:33:40,102 --> 00:33:42,662 Every time you bluff, you clear your throat. 468 00:33:42,871 --> 00:33:44,304 I do? 469 00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:48,038 Don't play the cards. Play the players. 470 00:33:49,111 --> 00:33:50,840 Right. Here we go. 471 00:33:51,046 --> 00:33:53,674 Any up. Five or shoot. Three card Monty. 472 00:33:53,882 --> 00:33:56,851 King is to win. There you go. There's a winner! 473 00:33:57,052 --> 00:33:58,383 We got a winner! 474 00:34:10,432 --> 00:34:11,524 Hey you. 475 00:34:14,670 --> 00:34:16,331 Unbelievable. 476 00:34:18,607 --> 00:34:20,370 That was embarrassing! 477 00:34:20,575 --> 00:34:23,601 They offer a pool safety class onboard. You should check it out. 478 00:34:23,945 --> 00:34:25,879 Let me give you a hand. 479 00:34:26,214 --> 00:34:27,909 I'm Gabriella. 480 00:34:33,021 --> 00:34:34,352 I'm Jerry. 481 00:34:38,226 --> 00:34:40,421 Oh, boy. 482 00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:47,692 - Hi. - Hi. 483 00:34:48,136 --> 00:34:49,330 You like? 484 00:34:50,739 --> 00:34:52,400 Oh, yeah. 485 00:34:52,607 --> 00:34:55,132 Ice cream? Yeah, that 's okay. 486 00:34:55,343 --> 00:34:58,073 Coach would kill me if she knew I broke training. 487 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:02,639 But I no can help. I am... What is the word? 488 00:35:03,318 --> 00:35:05,582 - Oral. - That 's the word. 489 00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:08,580 And what a wonderful word it is. 490 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:11,449 I'm so lonely. 491 00:35:11,660 --> 00:35:16,495 Coach's very strict about keeping us away from men during tanning season. 492 00:35:17,099 --> 00:35:18,566 It 's too bad you're gay, Nick. 493 00:35:18,767 --> 00:35:21,133 - Good night. - Inga, wait, wait. 494 00:35:22,437 --> 00:35:24,701 I've always been curious about your country. 495 00:35:24,906 --> 00:35:26,874 - Mind if I ask you something? - Yeah. 496 00:35:27,075 --> 00:35:28,940 What would you like to know about, Nick? 497 00:35:29,144 --> 00:35:33,843 Our cities, our lakes and rivers, our safe and sturdy automobiles? 498 00:35:34,049 --> 00:35:37,746 I'm a big fan of your cinema. I've rented quite a bit of it. 499 00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:42,049 I've noticed your people's progressive attitude towards premarital sex. 500 00:35:42,657 --> 00:35:47,526 So I was wondering, theoretically, if my own sexual orientation were... 501 00:35:47,729 --> 00:35:51,130 If you're asking if I'd sleep with you if you were straight the answer is "Ja". 502 00:35:51,333 --> 00:35:53,801 - "Ja"? "Ja" means "Yes", right? - Ja! 503 00:35:54,002 --> 00:35:56,197 Inga, I have a surprise for you. I'm straight. 504 00:35:56,404 --> 00:36:00,704 I'm as straight as a Volvo going down an Oslo toll road. 505 00:36:00,909 --> 00:36:05,403 - But Oslo is in Norway. - The point is... we can make love. 506 00:36:05,947 --> 00:36:08,575 I know that 's the best news I've ever heard. 507 00:36:08,784 --> 00:36:11,753 I'm cabin 4433. Meet me in five minuten. 508 00:36:11,953 --> 00:36:14,547 You got it. Five minuten. 509 00:36:15,857 --> 00:36:18,417 And not a minuten more. 510 00:36:18,860 --> 00:36:21,727 Hello. Are there any condoms available on this ship? 511 00:36:27,068 --> 00:36:29,434 Come in. Door is open. 512 00:36:33,341 --> 00:36:35,434 Coach. 513 00:36:36,578 --> 00:36:39,308 Changing room assignments. You bunk with Pia. 514 00:36:39,514 --> 00:36:42,483 - But why, coach? - You cannot be trusted with minibar. 515 00:36:42,684 --> 00:36:45,881 - You are in training. - But coach, I eat nothing all day. 516 00:36:46,087 --> 00:36:48,282 You ate yesterday, ja? 517 00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:51,357 Your butt is disgusting. I better double check. 518 00:36:52,727 --> 00:36:55,252 Ja, disgusting. 519 00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:56,987 Both cheeks. 520 00:36:57,532 --> 00:37:02,435 Ja, ja, ja. Move it, fattie. 521 00:37:02,637 --> 00:37:05,128 - Knock it off and go to bed. - Alright, coach. 522 00:37:06,875 --> 00:37:09,105 Thank you for lending me your jacket. 523 00:37:10,712 --> 00:37:13,272 - So, what do you do on this ship? - I'm a dance teacher. 524 00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:16,382 - Wow. Teaching dance must be fun. - It can be. 525 00:37:16,785 --> 00:37:18,548 Especially on the gay cruises. 526 00:37:18,753 --> 00:37:20,778 They're much more fun than the straight ones. 527 00:37:20,989 --> 00:37:21,819 Why is that? 528 00:37:22,023 --> 00:37:24,924 The guys that go on the straight cruises... all you meet are these... 529 00:37:25,126 --> 00:37:28,857 ...horny creeps. - Oh, I got a friend like that. 530 00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:33,691 I bet men hit on you all the time. 531 00:37:34,302 --> 00:37:36,896 You've got a hot ass. 532 00:37:37,706 --> 00:37:38,695 Excuse me? 533 00:37:39,274 --> 00:37:41,834 Your ass. It 's hot. 534 00:37:43,245 --> 00:37:44,234 Thanks. 535 00:37:48,250 --> 00:37:50,184 Your butt 's nothing to sneeze at, either. 536 00:37:52,554 --> 00:37:53,953 So... 537 00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:56,854 ...you must have a boyfriend. - No, no, no. 538 00:37:57,058 --> 00:37:58,423 - No boyfriend. - Really? 539 00:37:58,627 --> 00:37:59,559 Why not? 540 00:37:59,761 --> 00:38:04,630 Every boyfriend I've ever had has turned out to be a son of a bitch. 541 00:38:04,799 --> 00:38:07,529 - Well, not every guy is a... - I know what you're thinking. 542 00:38:07,736 --> 00:38:08,998 I just never met "the right guy". 543 00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,503 Trust me, honey. I've met every type out there and it 's pretty bad. 544 00:38:12,841 --> 00:38:16,470 Liars, guys with two wives, guys with commitment issues... 545 00:38:16,678 --> 00:38:21,115 guys with parole issues. You name it, I've dated them all. 546 00:38:21,316 --> 00:38:23,580 Which is why I'm so relieved to be on this boat. 547 00:38:23,785 --> 00:38:26,686 There's not one straight man in sight. 548 00:38:26,888 --> 00:38:28,753 - Excuse me? - It 's so great... 549 00:38:28,957 --> 00:38:32,017 because I can really be myself. I don't care about makeup... 550 00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:33,888 I don't care about what I'm wearing... 551 00:38:34,095 --> 00:38:36,120 if a guy is talking to me because he wants to get into my pants... 552 00:38:36,331 --> 00:38:38,595 - Gabriella... - You know what else? 553 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,325 Let 's say I do get horny one day. 554 00:38:41,536 --> 00:38:46,439 Maybe I can even find a gay guy and he can do me the favor. 555 00:38:46,641 --> 00:38:49,804 - The favor? - How do you say in English? 556 00:38:50,045 --> 00:38:55,381 Make me scream, make me moan. Screw my brains out. 557 00:39:00,422 --> 00:39:02,117 I don't mean to be a bitch... 558 00:39:05,026 --> 00:39:08,792 but these staterooms could use a bit more color. 559 00:39:43,665 --> 00:39:45,496 Now we are laying down to sleep. 560 00:39:45,701 --> 00:39:49,137 Our hot tight bodies the Lord will keep. 561 00:39:55,277 --> 00:39:58,178 Inga darling, it 's me, Nicky. 562 00:39:58,380 --> 00:40:00,871 I'm here. 563 00:40:08,557 --> 00:40:12,789 Reverend Lindstrom, "nej". 564 00:40:12,995 --> 00:40:16,396 Just think of what would the bishop say. 565 00:40:18,633 --> 00:40:21,124 Who's knocking at my doors? 566 00:40:22,037 --> 00:40:24,631 Oh, my God! 567 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,001 Let 's go downtown, baby. 568 00:40:32,347 --> 00:40:34,338 Help me, Jesus! 569 00:40:34,549 --> 00:40:36,847 I don't want to die! 570 00:40:57,672 --> 00:41:00,004 "Nej, nej, nej. Ja, ja, ja, ja." 571 00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:02,108 Get off me! 572 00:41:10,085 --> 00:41:11,643 What 's that? 573 00:41:11,853 --> 00:41:13,878 It 's coming from the coach's room. 574 00:41:16,558 --> 00:41:19,652 Smoking sturgeons! Coach's pussy just blew up. 575 00:41:20,595 --> 00:41:23,189 It was good for me, ja. 576 00:41:40,615 --> 00:41:42,344 Oh, Jesus. 577 00:42:11,346 --> 00:42:14,315 I gotta tell you,Nick. She's so great. 578 00:42:14,516 --> 00:42:18,316 We had so much fun. We talked, we laughed. 579 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,148 Can you hand me one of those cheese-flavored penises? 580 00:42:23,125 --> 00:42:26,219 Gabriella is everything I've ever wanted in a woman. I even pierced... 581 00:42:26,428 --> 00:42:27,952 ...my ear for her. - You better make sure... 582 00:42:28,163 --> 00:42:30,893 ...it 's the right ear. - Of course it 's... 583 00:42:35,670 --> 00:42:38,901 - Yeah, I better look into that. - How was your evening? 584 00:42:39,107 --> 00:42:42,304 Let 's just say I had some bad shellfish and leave it at that. 585 00:42:42,511 --> 00:42:44,911 - Hey. Hold on a second. See ya. - Here she comes. 586 00:42:45,247 --> 00:42:46,976 - Grab my ass. - What are you? Crazy? 587 00:42:47,182 --> 00:42:50,015 I told her I was gay. Now wet your lips and look at me lovingly. 588 00:42:50,218 --> 00:42:51,810 - Do I look like a homo to you? - Yes. 589 00:42:52,020 --> 00:42:53,544 An out of shape one, but we have those too. 590 00:42:53,755 --> 00:42:56,918 Thank you very much. That 's enough. Moving along. Nothing to see here. 591 00:42:57,125 --> 00:42:59,389 What do you want me to do? Act like I'm gay? 592 00:42:59,594 --> 00:43:00,583 - Hi, boys. - Hi. 593 00:43:00,795 --> 00:43:02,592 I don't believe you two have formally been introduced. 594 00:43:02,797 --> 00:43:05,527 - This is my life partner. - I'm not his life... 595 00:43:05,734 --> 00:43:07,463 He's a little seasick this morning. 596 00:43:07,669 --> 00:43:10,160 - Maybe he's just a little lovesick. - Right! 597 00:43:13,041 --> 00:43:15,942 - We're into S&M. - Okay. 598 00:43:16,144 --> 00:43:20,137 If you feel better later you would like to come to my new class? 599 00:43:20,415 --> 00:43:24,476 - Yeah? It 's dirty dancing. - Dirty dancing? 600 00:43:24,886 --> 00:43:27,411 - So taboo. - What the hell's wrong with you? 601 00:43:27,622 --> 00:43:29,453 "He's my life partner". 602 00:43:30,458 --> 00:43:33,518 You need to keep an open mind. Nick! Hey! 603 00:43:35,363 --> 00:43:38,355 - It 's only for a few days. - Quit bugging me. 604 00:43:38,567 --> 00:43:40,228 I'm getting my nuts handed to me on a platter. 605 00:43:40,435 --> 00:43:42,960 - I wouldn't mind seeing that. - Don't say it! 606 00:43:45,874 --> 00:43:48,707 - Why not? - Cause I won't, that 's why. 607 00:43:49,010 --> 00:43:50,375 Be a friend. 608 00:43:50,579 --> 00:43:52,843 As a friend? You're a wiener. 609 00:43:53,048 --> 00:43:55,778 Now buzz off. I'm trying to concentrate on my workout. 610 00:43:57,252 --> 00:43:59,186 You're not working out. 611 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,077 Nick, if you do me this one favor, I promise you I... 612 00:44:30,352 --> 00:44:31,341 Nick! 613 00:44:31,853 --> 00:44:34,754 Come on, listen. I'm begging you. 614 00:44:40,462 --> 00:44:43,431 - Maybe I'll skip the steam. - That 's a good idea. 615 00:44:45,967 --> 00:44:47,525 Listen... 616 00:44:48,236 --> 00:44:52,730 After what happened with Felicia, I thought I'd never feel this way again. 617 00:44:52,941 --> 00:44:55,239 Why are you making such a big deal about this girl? 618 00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:58,378 - She's a classic man-hater. - No, no, no. 619 00:44:58,580 --> 00:45:01,947 Gabriella doesn't mean it. She's just had bad luck with guys she dates... 620 00:45:02,150 --> 00:45:05,483 because they only want to have sex with her. You know the type. 621 00:45:06,521 --> 00:45:08,751 Don't ever take sides against the guys. 622 00:45:09,991 --> 00:45:13,518 Nick, I just need a few days to get to know her. 623 00:45:13,728 --> 00:45:15,423 Then I'll tell her the truth. 624 00:45:20,702 --> 00:45:22,863 Why are you hiding from that woman? 625 00:45:23,471 --> 00:45:26,133 Hiding? I'm not hiding. I have a cramp. 626 00:45:26,374 --> 00:45:29,172 Nick, I'm desperate. 627 00:45:29,377 --> 00:45:33,438 - What if I offered to pay you? - Pay me! How dare you! 628 00:45:33,815 --> 00:45:36,340 You think I'd sacrifice my dignity, my self-esteem... 629 00:45:36,551 --> 00:45:40,681 my whole way of life for a few, measly dollars? No! 630 00:45:41,690 --> 00:45:44,090 - Five hundred, cash? - I'll do it! 631 00:45:46,428 --> 00:45:48,487 - Come closer, you're too far away. - No! 632 00:45:48,697 --> 00:45:50,096 Hey, hey. Hold on. 633 00:45:50,298 --> 00:45:53,392 Beautiful. Very nice, everyone. I love it. 634 00:45:55,337 --> 00:45:57,168 Jerry, you're light on your feet. 635 00:45:57,372 --> 00:45:59,533 This whole place is light on its feet. 636 00:46:02,544 --> 00:46:05,342 Nick, your body's too stiff. Wait. Listen to me. 637 00:46:05,547 --> 00:46:08,573 Your body's too stiff. I want you to loosen up. Come on. 638 00:46:08,817 --> 00:46:11,479 There you go. Move it and then go on, dance by yourself. 639 00:46:11,686 --> 00:46:14,348 Feel the music, Nick. Feel it. 640 00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:26,526 Feel it. 641 00:46:47,555 --> 00:46:50,718 Okay, everyone. Change partners. 642 00:46:55,930 --> 00:46:58,865 Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha. We meet again, "ch�rie". 643 00:46:59,067 --> 00:47:01,035 I hope that 's your belt buckle I feel back there. 644 00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:05,262 You know, from the moment we met, I felt there was... 645 00:47:05,473 --> 00:47:09,705 ...an electrical charge between us. - I think your pacemaker shortened out. 646 00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:13,710 How did you know I like to be humiliated? 647 00:47:14,349 --> 00:47:16,715 Look, Lloyd, you're barking up the wrong tree here. 648 00:47:17,285 --> 00:47:19,048 I know. 649 00:47:19,954 --> 00:47:23,412 - You want to lead. - Lloyd, I'm not... 650 00:47:24,793 --> 00:47:26,420 interested. 651 00:47:26,628 --> 00:47:29,620 That 's alright. I'm a patient man. I can wait. 652 00:47:31,900 --> 00:47:33,697 I'm also very rich. 653 00:47:34,469 --> 00:47:36,733 You know, I'd like to spoil you, Nick. 654 00:47:37,839 --> 00:47:40,103 Take you to places you've never been. 655 00:47:40,308 --> 00:47:42,606 Show you things you've never seen. 656 00:47:43,445 --> 00:47:45,003 I'd like to... 657 00:47:46,848 --> 00:47:48,645 Jerry! 658 00:47:49,384 --> 00:47:51,147 Cha-cha-cha. 659 00:47:52,787 --> 00:47:54,550 That 's it. 660 00:47:54,756 --> 00:47:56,917 You know, you're a really good dance teacher. 661 00:47:57,192 --> 00:47:59,888 Really? It 's fun to teach a class like this. 662 00:48:00,094 --> 00:48:02,722 I always felt too self-conscious to really... 663 00:48:04,032 --> 00:48:06,762 ...cut loose, you know? - We have a revue here on board. 664 00:48:06,968 --> 00:48:08,595 It 's like an amateur night thing. 665 00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:11,294 - You think you'd be interested? - Too public. 666 00:48:11,539 --> 00:48:14,406 - I'm more of a closet dancer. - That 's a shame. 667 00:48:14,609 --> 00:48:17,908 - Because I'm the choreographer. - Really? 668 00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:22,777 Well, for you, I might just waltz out of the closet. 669 00:48:24,285 --> 00:48:27,982 - You know... it 's strange. - What 's that? 670 00:48:28,990 --> 00:48:31,515 The way you stare at me sometimes. 671 00:48:31,726 --> 00:48:33,785 The way you touch me like that, you know? 672 00:48:33,995 --> 00:48:36,759 It 's exactly the way a straight guy would. 673 00:48:37,131 --> 00:48:40,225 Me? Straight? Girlfriend, please! 674 00:48:42,103 --> 00:48:43,832 Nobody's gotta teach me how to be gay. 675 00:48:45,139 --> 00:48:49,439 Bette Midler is also known as the Divine Miss... 676 00:48:51,279 --> 00:48:53,975 - M? - Very good! 677 00:48:54,182 --> 00:48:56,082 Very good. Oh, sorry! 678 00:48:56,284 --> 00:48:59,742 Okay, now describe the Brandy Alexander you're drinking. 679 00:49:01,322 --> 00:49:04,758 - Refreshing. - No, no, no! It is to die for! 680 00:49:05,093 --> 00:49:09,894 Also acceptable divine, marvellous, charming and ooh-la-la. 681 00:49:13,134 --> 00:49:17,230 At first lwas afraid lwas petrified 682 00:49:17,438 --> 00:49:21,966 Kept thinking I could never live Without you by my side 683 00:49:22,176 --> 00:49:24,838 But then I spent so many nights 684 00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:27,310 Thinking how you did me wrong 685 00:49:27,515 --> 00:49:29,210 And I grew strong 686 00:49:29,450 --> 00:49:31,577 And I learned how to get along 687 00:49:31,786 --> 00:49:33,413 And now you're back 688 00:49:33,621 --> 00:49:35,555 From outer space 689 00:49:35,757 --> 00:49:39,022 I just walked in to see you there With that sad look upon your 690 00:49:39,227 --> 00:49:41,320 Why you stopped singing? 691 00:49:41,529 --> 00:49:44,987 I don't know the words. 692 00:49:45,199 --> 00:49:49,659 You want to convince people you're gay and you don't know the words? 693 00:49:50,204 --> 00:49:52,832 Singing disco tunes and wearing calypso outfits... 694 00:49:53,041 --> 00:49:55,134 is not going to help me convince Gabriella that I'm gay. 695 00:49:55,343 --> 00:49:56,833 Hector, this is stupid. 696 00:50:01,683 --> 00:50:03,844 Are you humming "I Will Survive?" 697 00:50:04,052 --> 00:50:06,077 That 's right. And I know all the words. 698 00:50:08,523 --> 00:50:11,151 - You're looking at me like I'm crazy. - I'm not. 699 00:50:11,426 --> 00:50:12,415 - You know what? - What? 700 00:50:12,627 --> 00:50:15,687 Champagne usually makes me a crazy, too. 701 00:50:15,897 --> 00:50:18,365 Champagne, ocean air... 702 00:50:18,967 --> 00:50:20,958 strange things might happen. 703 00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:24,431 I might turn into a raging heterosexual. 704 00:50:27,408 --> 00:50:31,242 I should be so lucky. Can you imagine? 705 00:50:31,779 --> 00:50:34,304 You know what? Let 's get this party on its feet. Come on. 706 00:51:05,780 --> 00:51:08,476 Inga, it 's me, Nicky. 707 00:51:08,750 --> 00:51:10,615 Open up. 708 00:51:10,818 --> 00:51:11,842 Nicky. 709 00:51:12,053 --> 00:51:14,681 - So Mr. Tongue has a name. - I'm sorry about what happened. 710 00:51:14,889 --> 00:51:17,153 You don't have to hit me. The deed was punishment enough. 711 00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:19,187 "Nej, nej, nej." 712 00:51:19,394 --> 00:51:21,988 If we ever hook up again, I want to show you. 713 00:51:22,196 --> 00:51:24,790 - I can reciprocate. - Reciprocate? 714 00:52:11,045 --> 00:52:12,342 Hey, Nick! 715 00:52:12,547 --> 00:52:15,072 Hey, fresh meat. Have a seat, Nick. 716 00:52:15,283 --> 00:52:17,251 I can always use a little extra spending money. 717 00:52:17,452 --> 00:52:19,443 What the hell, I can use a quiet game of poker. 718 00:52:19,654 --> 00:52:24,284 Sorry I'm late, boys. I had trouble squeezing into this pantyhose. 719 00:52:24,492 --> 00:52:26,983 - So, what 's the game? - Five card stud. 720 00:52:27,328 --> 00:52:30,661 - Very appropriate. - Let 's play some cards. 721 00:52:32,266 --> 00:52:36,794 - I'm tired. Are you tired? - Yeah! Wait. One more. 722 00:53:54,115 --> 00:53:56,140 Hector! 723 00:53:57,218 --> 00:53:58,708 You've been on a boat before. 724 00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,787 - Is it safe? - Of course it 's safe! 725 00:54:01,989 --> 00:54:04,856 As long as you are responsible. 726 00:54:05,059 --> 00:54:07,493 You mean the storm? Well, that I do not know. 727 00:54:11,032 --> 00:54:12,863 Hector, let me ask you something. 728 00:54:13,067 --> 00:54:16,594 - How many cruises have you been on? - Including this one? 729 00:54:16,804 --> 00:54:18,567 That would make it... 730 00:54:19,373 --> 00:54:23,503 one. You see, I only recently came all the way out of the closet. 731 00:54:24,712 --> 00:54:27,510 Recently, really? I would've figured kindergarten. 732 00:54:27,715 --> 00:54:29,842 No. Well, let me tell you. It wasn't easy. 733 00:54:30,218 --> 00:54:32,448 But it 's better to be true to yourself... 734 00:54:32,653 --> 00:54:34,678 than to lie to the world. 735 00:54:36,290 --> 00:54:37,814 It must 've taken a lot of guts. 736 00:54:38,159 --> 00:54:39,251 It 's funny, you know? 737 00:54:39,460 --> 00:54:42,088 These guys I'm playing poker with. Steven, Tom, Ron. 738 00:54:42,496 --> 00:54:43,861 Steven's a doctor. 739 00:54:44,065 --> 00:54:45,532 A gay heart surgeon. Who would've thought? 740 00:54:46,067 --> 00:54:49,230 Ron's a criminal defence attorney. He represents some bad-assed dudes. 741 00:54:49,670 --> 00:54:51,797 Tom's cross-dresser and pastry chef. 742 00:54:52,406 --> 00:54:54,601 Okay, I would have guessed that. 743 00:54:54,809 --> 00:54:57,243 But still, they're a great bunch of guys. 744 00:54:57,912 --> 00:54:59,709 - So what are you saying? - What am I saying? 745 00:54:59,914 --> 00:55:04,817 What I'm saying is I kinda wanted to hang out more with these guys. 746 00:55:05,019 --> 00:55:10,423 But there was a part of me that felt it was somehow wrong... 747 00:55:10,625 --> 00:55:12,092 to be friends with gay men. 748 00:55:13,561 --> 00:55:17,258 And that... makes me feel like a jerk. 749 00:55:21,569 --> 00:55:23,002 Sit. 750 00:55:23,437 --> 00:55:25,098 Come on, sit. 751 00:55:28,309 --> 00:55:33,542 You know, my Papa, he used to think that to be gay was "muy malo". 752 00:55:33,915 --> 00:55:35,439 A big shame. 753 00:55:37,218 --> 00:55:39,948 He no talk to me for 2O years. His own blood. 754 00:55:40,788 --> 00:55:44,815 Now he's sick, he's dying. He asks for me. He say to me... 755 00:55:45,026 --> 00:55:48,792 "Hector, I waste so much time. 756 00:55:49,997 --> 00:55:55,435 We're all God's children. I'm so sorry." He said so. 757 00:56:03,678 --> 00:56:07,478 You see, my Papi, he's like you. A real jerk. 758 00:56:07,915 --> 00:56:10,383 He just needed to learn. 759 00:56:11,686 --> 00:56:13,916 You learn too, my friend. 760 00:56:22,964 --> 00:56:24,761 I'm hurting. 761 00:56:24,966 --> 00:56:27,560 It feels so good to get off my feet! 762 00:56:28,502 --> 00:56:30,936 I couldn't agree with you more. 763 00:56:34,075 --> 00:56:35,736 You know what? 764 00:56:36,277 --> 00:56:39,110 I've got to get out of these clothes. 765 00:56:39,747 --> 00:56:41,772 I couldn't agree with you more. 766 00:56:42,583 --> 00:56:47,282 Listen, would you mind doing me a huge, huge favor? 767 00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:49,589 Would you spend the night with me? 768 00:56:50,091 --> 00:56:51,115 What? 769 00:56:51,993 --> 00:56:53,358 Yeah, you know, it 's the storm. 770 00:56:53,561 --> 00:56:56,359 I wouldn't mind cuddling under the covers with somebody. 771 00:56:57,565 --> 00:56:59,430 You think Nick would mind? 772 00:57:03,270 --> 00:57:04,828 Fuck Nick. 773 00:57:05,740 --> 00:57:10,336 Is this storm getting worse, or am I too drunk or... 774 00:57:12,013 --> 00:57:13,947 I have a theory. 775 00:57:14,682 --> 00:57:16,707 I think if we drank more... 776 00:57:16,917 --> 00:57:19,477 we might be able to maintain perfect equilibrium. 777 00:57:19,687 --> 00:57:24,852 I'll try that in the pursuit of science. 778 00:57:25,059 --> 00:57:26,720 I'll get us another round. 779 00:57:26,927 --> 00:57:28,758 I have a better idea. 780 00:57:29,397 --> 00:57:33,663 I have a fifty-year old bottle of cognac in my room... 781 00:57:34,535 --> 00:57:37,993 ...and I'm gonna go get it. - I'll go with you. 782 00:57:38,472 --> 00:57:41,032 I could use the exercise. 783 00:57:43,844 --> 00:57:46,142 Jerry, we can get out from under the covers. 784 00:57:46,347 --> 00:57:49,441 I think the storm was over, like, half an hour ago. 785 00:57:50,618 --> 00:57:53,314 It was one hell of a storm, though. 786 00:57:54,522 --> 00:57:57,150 You know, I have something you're gonna love. 787 00:57:58,859 --> 00:58:02,761 - Get ready to have an orgasm. - What? 788 00:58:02,963 --> 00:58:04,658 Open wide. 789 00:58:08,235 --> 00:58:09,759 - Good? - Yeah. 790 00:58:13,707 --> 00:58:17,165 - Do me. - You're so lucky I'm gay. 791 00:58:27,855 --> 00:58:30,881 - Can I ask you something? - Shoot. 792 00:58:31,525 --> 00:58:33,993 - How do you do it? - Do what? 793 00:58:35,062 --> 00:58:37,690 - Give head. - What? 794 00:58:37,998 --> 00:58:42,731 A blow job. I mean, do you start on the tip of his penis? 795 00:58:43,137 --> 00:58:45,537 Or you stroke it while you use your mouth? 796 00:58:45,739 --> 00:58:48,435 - Do you tickle the balls? - Not everybody likes that. 797 00:58:49,577 --> 00:58:51,807 As a person who gives them and receives them... 798 00:58:52,012 --> 00:58:54,446 you must know the perfect way. Show me. 799 00:58:55,616 --> 00:58:57,049 What? 800 00:58:58,986 --> 00:59:00,715 Okay. 801 00:59:11,732 --> 00:59:13,563 You... 802 00:59:13,834 --> 00:59:15,893 It 's a little small. 803 00:59:16,770 --> 00:59:18,260 You know, I got an idea. 804 00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:22,499 Why don't you show me your technique, and then I'll critique it. 805 00:59:24,345 --> 00:59:26,370 - Okay. - Okay. 806 00:59:26,981 --> 00:59:28,744 - Okay. - Okay. 807 00:59:30,384 --> 00:59:32,375 So look. First... 808 00:59:32,586 --> 00:59:37,319 I slowly lick the tip with my tongue, right? 809 00:59:45,699 --> 00:59:47,724 - Right? - That 's good. 810 00:59:47,935 --> 00:59:51,098 Then I gently go down the shaft with my lips. 811 00:59:53,772 --> 00:59:56,536 And in time, I tickle the balls 812 00:59:57,100 --> 00:59:58,100 Very softly 813 00:59:58,742 --> 01:00:02,838 Then I twirl my tongue all the way... 814 01:00:05,649 --> 01:00:07,810 back to the top. 815 01:00:08,218 --> 01:00:10,914 Then I wet my lips. 816 01:00:13,089 --> 01:00:15,319 I do a little playful nibbling. 817 01:00:17,814 --> 01:00:19,514 And then I slip into my mouth 818 01:00:23,461 --> 01:00:26,191 "Eso me encanta porque es maravilloso." 819 01:00:27,065 --> 01:00:30,296 "Eu te amo, te amo." 820 01:00:32,437 --> 01:00:34,769 How's that? Jerry? 821 01:00:35,006 --> 01:00:36,906 That 's fine! 822 01:00:41,012 --> 01:00:44,641 For goodness' sake, Lloyd. At least kiss me first. 823 01:00:46,151 --> 01:00:49,211 - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did. 824 01:00:52,190 --> 01:00:54,522 Now, where did I put that bag? 825 01:00:54,859 --> 01:00:56,918 I'm just going to lay down. 826 01:01:02,667 --> 01:01:04,658 Got it. 827 01:01:06,504 --> 01:01:08,938 Now, before we go back up with the boys... 828 01:01:09,140 --> 01:01:11,802 what do you say we do a couple of shots? 829 01:01:13,044 --> 01:01:16,411 You're a goddamned genius. 830 01:01:16,615 --> 01:01:18,173 Here you go. 831 01:02:12,804 --> 01:02:14,999 Oh... 832 01:02:15,206 --> 01:02:17,003 my... 833 01:02:17,208 --> 01:02:18,197 God! 834 01:02:28,153 --> 01:02:30,053 What are you doing? 835 01:02:30,355 --> 01:02:33,620 I have a horrible taste in my mouth, Jerry, and I can't get rid of it. 836 01:02:33,825 --> 01:02:35,349 Did you eat something weird? 837 01:02:35,560 --> 01:02:36,959 Yeah. 838 01:02:37,796 --> 01:02:40,356 - I did a bad, bad thing, Jerry. - What? 839 01:02:40,899 --> 01:02:43,424 You know how the sea air makes you disoriented and there was... 840 01:02:43,635 --> 01:02:48,004 the drinking and the partying and I slept with a man, Jerry. 841 01:02:50,141 --> 01:02:51,233 Very funny. 842 01:02:52,277 --> 01:02:53,676 No, it 's not. 843 01:02:53,878 --> 01:02:55,971 I just woke up in Ron's stateroom. 844 01:02:56,314 --> 01:02:58,077 - With Ron. - What? 845 01:03:00,452 --> 01:03:02,545 I've chased a lot of women, Jerry. 846 01:03:02,754 --> 01:03:04,278 To be honest... 847 01:03:04,956 --> 01:03:08,392 I never actually scored with one since I was a senior in high school... 848 01:03:08,593 --> 01:03:10,618 and then I had to promise to marry her. 849 01:03:10,995 --> 01:03:13,657 A fifty-one year old coffee shop waitress. 850 01:03:14,332 --> 01:03:16,562 And a stroke victim... 851 01:03:16,901 --> 01:03:18,596 with a fake leg... 852 01:03:19,170 --> 01:03:20,899 and a lazy eye... 853 01:03:21,206 --> 01:03:23,140 ...and a mole with... - I got it. 854 01:03:23,341 --> 01:03:25,070 What I'm trying to say is... 855 01:03:25,610 --> 01:03:29,273 maybe I'm meant to do more than just play cards with these guys. 856 01:03:30,081 --> 01:03:34,415 I'm finally happy. So happy. 857 01:03:35,453 --> 01:03:36,613 I'm gay. 858 01:03:36,821 --> 01:03:40,655 One, two, three, four... 859 01:03:40,859 --> 01:03:44,886 five, six, seven, eight. 860 01:03:45,096 --> 01:03:48,691 And one, two, three, four... 861 01:03:48,900 --> 01:03:52,199 five, six, seven, eight. Good. 862 01:03:52,604 --> 01:03:53,969 Good work, guys. Good work. 863 01:03:54,172 --> 01:03:56,299 Hector, try not shaking your ass so much. 864 01:03:56,508 --> 01:03:58,635 You mean in the dance, or in real life? 865 01:03:59,911 --> 01:04:04,348 OK, guys. Thank you for coming. I'll see you back here tonight at eleven. 866 01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:07,245 Jerry, you are looking fierce up there. 867 01:04:09,954 --> 01:04:12,320 I can't remember when I've had this much fun. 868 01:04:13,124 --> 01:04:14,819 You know, you're just great. 869 01:04:15,093 --> 01:04:16,355 Hey! 870 01:04:17,362 --> 01:04:19,421 - Are you gonna go to the island? - I am. 871 01:04:19,631 --> 01:04:21,030 Do you want me to be your tour guide? 872 01:04:21,232 --> 01:04:22,790 I know the island very well. 873 01:04:23,001 --> 01:04:26,095 - That would be yummy. - Yummy. 874 01:04:26,304 --> 01:04:27,635 Let 's go. 875 01:04:38,516 --> 01:04:41,974 Nicholas... I was beginning to wonder about you. 876 01:04:42,253 --> 01:04:46,747 I'm glad to see you finally got that luscious full figure frame of yours... 877 01:04:46,958 --> 01:04:49,984 ...in the right dinghy. - It 's amazing. 878 01:04:50,195 --> 01:04:54,291 A day ago I would've punched you in the face for saying a thing like that. 879 01:04:54,566 --> 01:04:56,158 - This place is paradise. - Oh, yeah. 880 01:04:56,367 --> 01:04:58,130 - We're gonna have an awesome time. - I'll say. 881 01:04:58,336 --> 01:05:01,328 I can already feel the men around here undressing me with their eyes. 882 01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:04,970 - Hungry? Want something to eat? - Nope. I have a better idea. 883 01:05:05,176 --> 01:05:07,371 - Let 's go exploring first. - Great. 884 01:05:08,546 --> 01:05:11,447 Daddy, thanks so much for finding out where Jerry is for me. 885 01:05:11,649 --> 01:05:13,708 Yeah, I'm sure things are gonna work out, too. 886 01:05:13,918 --> 01:05:15,613 Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy. 887 01:05:16,221 --> 01:05:17,779 How do I get to the Olympic Voyager? 888 01:05:17,989 --> 01:05:18,978 Right this way, madam. 889 01:05:19,190 --> 01:05:21,988 Be careful with those bags. They're worth more than you make in a year. 890 01:05:22,927 --> 01:05:26,226 Bon voyage... bitch. 891 01:05:27,599 --> 01:05:31,057 - Hi Nick. How you doing? - Hey, fine. 892 01:05:31,269 --> 01:05:33,294 I'm not sore, or anything. 893 01:05:33,505 --> 01:05:35,234 Hey buddy, about last night... 894 01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:39,271 I understand why it happened. I mean, I'm pretty charismatic. 895 01:05:39,477 --> 01:05:43,470 If the moon hits me in just the right way, I can look pretty damn tasty. 896 01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:48,642 You're okay too, but I just really rather we stay friends. 897 01:05:49,053 --> 01:05:51,112 Alright. Me too, Nick. 898 01:05:51,322 --> 01:05:52,311 - Yeah? - Yeah. 899 01:05:52,524 --> 01:05:53,821 - Wow. - Yeah. 900 01:05:54,025 --> 01:05:56,186 If I had said that to a chick, she'd be a total mess right now. 901 01:05:56,794 --> 01:05:58,125 I'm starting to see the upside to this whole thing. 902 01:05:58,329 --> 01:06:01,264 You do what Sonya says, team You do what Sonya says 903 01:06:01,466 --> 01:06:02,455 One, two, three, four. 904 01:06:02,667 --> 01:06:05,966 Woke upwith no tanning cream Now you're off the tanning team 905 01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:10,504 - One, two, three, four. - Coach, it 's the Hawaiian Tropic team. 906 01:06:27,926 --> 01:06:29,723 Hey, break it up, ladies! Come on! 907 01:06:29,928 --> 01:06:32,522 Come on! Take it easy! 908 01:06:32,931 --> 01:06:35,297 Break it up! Break it up! 909 01:06:35,533 --> 01:06:37,330 Save it for the tanning competition! 910 01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:41,301 Bad! You are bad. Now everybody move out! Now! 911 01:06:47,679 --> 01:06:50,944 Okay, girls. Get your heinies on the donkeys. 912 01:06:51,215 --> 01:06:52,842 Now. 913 01:06:53,985 --> 01:06:55,680 Nick. 914 01:06:56,988 --> 01:07:00,355 I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm going to the airport now. 915 01:07:00,558 --> 01:07:03,857 Inga, it was great almost knowing you. 916 01:07:04,062 --> 01:07:06,963 Nick, if you're ever near Gettzem�llersteigen, Sweden... 917 01:07:07,165 --> 01:07:11,226 ...I would love to see you again. - I don't think so, baby. 918 01:07:11,436 --> 01:07:13,063 I don't think this is gonna work out. 919 01:07:13,671 --> 01:07:16,367 But, I thought you liked me, Nick. 920 01:07:17,742 --> 01:07:21,576 - I'm confused. - So am I. You don't even know. 921 01:07:21,946 --> 01:07:24,574 You better hurry. You have an ass to catch. 922 01:07:27,585 --> 01:07:29,382 And you... 923 01:07:29,587 --> 01:07:30,884 Hey. 924 01:07:33,691 --> 01:07:35,852 And go. 925 01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:40,257 Oh, it feels good. 926 01:07:42,066 --> 01:07:45,126 Hey, Nick. About last night... 927 01:07:45,336 --> 01:07:47,531 you don't think anything happened, do you? 928 01:07:48,206 --> 01:07:51,437 - What do you think happened? - Nothing. 929 01:07:51,643 --> 01:07:54,077 You and I drank too much and then fell asleep. 930 01:07:54,278 --> 01:07:56,439 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 931 01:07:57,248 --> 01:07:59,739 Inga! 932 01:08:02,153 --> 01:08:04,144 Inga! 933 01:08:04,522 --> 01:08:06,615 Well, I think we lost that one forever. 934 01:08:06,824 --> 01:08:08,655 A lot of potential in that boy. 935 01:08:08,860 --> 01:08:10,987 He could've been one of the great ones. 936 01:08:11,663 --> 01:08:14,655 I saw in him what I saw in Elton John. 937 01:10:01,041 --> 01:10:03,168 Had your Vitamin C today? 938 01:10:04,878 --> 01:10:08,336 You know, you really make me laugh. 939 01:10:13,153 --> 01:10:15,018 I'm so glad we met. 940 01:10:18,224 --> 01:10:19,714 You know... 941 01:10:19,926 --> 01:10:24,454 it really is a shame to let this place go to waste. 942 01:10:25,732 --> 01:10:27,165 Just a friendly kiss? 943 01:10:32,105 --> 01:10:34,369 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 944 01:10:34,841 --> 01:10:36,672 I don't want to feel like I am... 945 01:10:36,876 --> 01:10:39,276 pressuring you into doing something you don't want to do. 946 01:10:39,746 --> 01:10:41,941 I want to do this very badly. 947 01:10:42,148 --> 01:10:43,843 - Really? - Yes. 948 01:10:44,250 --> 01:10:46,582 So, let me be your guide. 949 01:10:47,487 --> 01:10:50,854 And I promise I'm gonna be gentle. 950 01:10:51,057 --> 01:10:52,615 I'm gonna be patient. 951 01:10:52,826 --> 01:10:56,853 And I'm going to take it very, very slowly. 952 01:10:57,063 --> 01:10:58,792 Great. 953 01:11:26,326 --> 01:11:28,317 Jerry... Jerry... 954 01:11:28,762 --> 01:11:31,629 You're a really quick stud. 955 01:11:33,032 --> 01:11:35,057 That 's enough foreplay. 956 01:11:37,103 --> 01:11:40,732 Excuse me. Could you ring Jerry Robinson's room, please? 957 01:11:41,107 --> 01:11:42,870 Certainly. 958 01:11:50,650 --> 01:11:52,880 No one seems to be answering, ma'am. 959 01:11:53,086 --> 01:11:54,678 Could you give me his room number? 960 01:11:55,054 --> 01:11:57,454 I'm sorry, we're not allowed to divulge that information. 961 01:11:57,657 --> 01:11:59,284 Would you like to leave a message? 962 01:11:59,526 --> 01:12:02,859 No, thanks. I want to surprise him. 963 01:12:04,230 --> 01:12:05,857 Thank you. 964 01:12:16,442 --> 01:12:18,501 You wanna have dinner with me tonight? 965 01:12:20,246 --> 01:12:23,147 - No. - Why not? 966 01:12:25,051 --> 01:12:28,646 Because I'm falling in love with you. 967 01:12:29,756 --> 01:12:31,747 You are? 968 01:12:31,991 --> 01:12:33,618 Yes, I am. 969 01:12:33,827 --> 01:12:38,321 Of all the dumb, boneheaded, romantic moves I've made over the years... 970 01:12:38,531 --> 01:12:41,830 ...this will be the dumbest. - Now wait a minute. 971 01:12:42,035 --> 01:12:45,300 - This could work. - How do you think it 's gonna work? 972 01:12:45,538 --> 01:12:47,733 I cannot make you into something you're not, Jerry. 973 01:12:47,941 --> 01:12:52,605 I do that with every man I fall for and it has to stop. 974 01:12:54,781 --> 01:12:58,581 - Besides, you already have someone. - No, I don't. 975 01:12:58,885 --> 01:13:00,648 What about Nick? 976 01:13:04,824 --> 01:13:07,088 That 's just physical. 977 01:13:07,861 --> 01:13:11,695 Listen, I have to accept who you really are. 978 01:13:11,898 --> 01:13:13,695 I really want to be alone right now. 979 01:13:49,636 --> 01:13:52,127 - Hi. - Hi. 980 01:13:52,872 --> 01:13:55,306 It 's kind of nice seeing another woman aboard. 981 01:13:55,508 --> 01:13:56,907 Tell me about it. 982 01:13:57,110 --> 01:13:59,840 All I've seen are men. Most of them gay. 983 01:14:00,046 --> 01:14:01,809 Well, it is a gay cruise. 984 01:14:04,951 --> 01:14:07,283 - What did you just say? - You didn't know? 985 01:14:07,487 --> 01:14:11,014 No! I came on board to get back together with my boyfriend. 986 01:14:11,224 --> 01:14:14,853 I don't get it! Why in the world would he be on a gay... 987 01:14:19,732 --> 01:14:21,563 Good luck. 988 01:14:22,135 --> 01:14:23,602 Thanks. 989 01:14:23,970 --> 01:14:25,301 We're just gonna put them on the stage. 990 01:14:25,505 --> 01:14:27,029 Hector! 991 01:14:29,676 --> 01:14:31,576 - Have you seen Gabriella? - No, I've been looking for her myself. 992 01:14:31,778 --> 01:14:34,941 Everything is falling apart. The music is not ready. 993 01:14:35,148 --> 01:14:38,140 Victor, the lead dancer, is seasick. 994 01:14:39,018 --> 01:14:43,318 And look at my costume! It hangs. It 's supposed to drape! 995 01:14:43,923 --> 01:14:46,892 OK, if you see Gabriella, could you give her this message for me, please? 996 01:14:50,196 --> 01:14:51,788 How could I've been so blind? 997 01:14:51,998 --> 01:14:54,262 I mean, the signs were right in front of my eyes. 998 01:14:55,501 --> 01:15:00,962 Foreign films... grab a convertible. Gourmet mustards. 999 01:15:03,142 --> 01:15:07,875 Wait... maybe he's only curious. 1000 01:15:08,081 --> 01:15:10,641 I mean, there was that one time when I was in college... 1001 01:15:11,351 --> 01:15:14,377 my roommate Bianca and I, we shared a Jacuzzi. 1002 01:15:16,823 --> 01:15:19,291 That got kinda hot. 1003 01:15:22,962 --> 01:15:26,398 - I got to go, pal. Keep the change. - Thanks. 1004 01:15:29,068 --> 01:15:35,997 Think twice before you blow the man down! 1005 01:15:37,877 --> 01:15:41,176 Get everybody ready for the next number. They have less than a minute. 1006 01:15:43,683 --> 01:15:45,082 What? 1007 01:15:45,785 --> 01:15:49,619 Nobody told me Victor was too sick to dance. Who's gonna be the lead? 1008 01:15:50,023 --> 01:15:54,824 I' m coming Comin' out 1009 01:15:57,630 --> 01:16:01,862 I' m comin' out 1010 01:16:02,769 --> 01:16:04,600 Oh, my God. 1011 01:16:05,405 --> 01:16:06,963 I' m comin' out 1012 01:16:07,974 --> 01:16:12,172 lwant the world to know Got to let it show 1013 01:16:13,579 --> 01:16:15,672 I' m comin' out 1014 01:16:15,882 --> 01:16:18,316 lwant the world to know 1015 01:16:18,518 --> 01:16:20,281 Got to let it show 1016 01:16:21,387 --> 01:16:26,757 I' m comin' out 1017 01:16:29,328 --> 01:16:31,159 There's a new me coming out 1018 01:16:31,364 --> 01:16:34,891 And I just have to live And I just wanna give 1019 01:16:35,101 --> 01:16:37,160 I' m completely positive 1020 01:16:37,370 --> 01:16:41,136 I think this time around I am gonna do it 1021 01:16:41,340 --> 01:16:43,001 Like you never knew it 1022 01:16:43,209 --> 01:16:45,473 I' II make it through 1023 01:16:45,912 --> 01:16:49,404 The time has come for me To break out of a shell 1024 01:16:49,916 --> 01:16:53,215 I have to shout That I am coming out 1025 01:16:53,853 --> 01:16:55,286 I' m comin' out 1026 01:16:55,955 --> 01:16:57,923 lwant the world to know 1027 01:16:58,257 --> 01:17:00,020 Got to let it show 1028 01:17:01,561 --> 01:17:03,791 I' m comin' out 1029 01:17:03,996 --> 01:17:05,930 lwant the world to know 1030 01:17:06,132 --> 01:17:08,293 Got to let it show 1031 01:17:09,769 --> 01:17:14,035 I' m comin' out 1032 01:17:17,510 --> 01:17:19,705 I' m comin' out 1033 01:17:19,912 --> 01:17:21,880 lwant the world to know 1034 01:17:22,348 --> 01:17:23,872 Got to let it show 1035 01:17:25,585 --> 01:17:27,382 I' m comin' out 1036 01:17:27,587 --> 01:17:29,578 lwant the world to know 1037 01:17:30,656 --> 01:17:32,817 Got to let it show 1038 01:17:33,726 --> 01:17:35,785 I' m comin' out 1039 01:17:36,162 --> 01:17:38,130 lwant the world to know 1040 01:17:38,331 --> 01:17:40,094 Got to let it show 1041 01:17:41,501 --> 01:17:43,833 I' m comin' out 1042 01:17:44,036 --> 01:17:46,004 lwant the world to know 1043 01:17:46,205 --> 01:17:48,503 Got to let it show 1044 01:17:54,380 --> 01:17:57,816 - Cocksucker! - Felicia! 1045 01:18:00,786 --> 01:18:02,981 I was talking to him. 1046 01:18:06,359 --> 01:18:08,054 Felicia! 1047 01:18:09,862 --> 01:18:13,127 - Felicia! What are you doing here? - Don't even talk to me. 1048 01:18:13,332 --> 01:18:16,358 - I feel so humiliated. - Well, how did you find me? 1049 01:18:16,569 --> 01:18:18,196 What were you thinking about when we were making love, Jerry? 1050 01:18:18,404 --> 01:18:21,032 - Cabana Boys? - Hey, I am not gay. 1051 01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:23,834 And to think I wanted to be your wife! 1052 01:18:24,544 --> 01:18:26,011 What? 1053 01:18:26,679 --> 01:18:28,670 I really missed you, Jerry. 1054 01:18:28,981 --> 01:18:31,245 All the special times we had. We complemented each other. 1055 01:18:31,450 --> 01:18:33,350 We could've built a life together. 1056 01:18:34,187 --> 01:18:36,052 - Build a life together? - Yes! 1057 01:18:36,255 --> 01:18:39,691 - What about Andr�, the buffer boy? - It was just a fling. 1058 01:18:39,892 --> 01:18:43,293 A horrible, thoughtless, insensitive mistake. 1059 01:18:43,563 --> 01:18:45,861 But it showed me what I really wanted, Jerry. 1060 01:18:46,065 --> 01:18:48,829 A stable, decent man who would always be there for me. 1061 01:18:50,169 --> 01:18:51,761 And I thought that that was you. 1062 01:18:52,538 --> 01:18:54,472 What are you saying? You want to get back together? 1063 01:18:54,774 --> 01:18:56,332 Well, I did. 1064 01:18:56,576 --> 01:18:58,271 Before I found out that you were gay. 1065 01:19:00,046 --> 01:19:02,207 How could you think I'm gay? 1066 01:19:02,481 --> 01:19:05,245 You're standing there preening like a gay peacock... 1067 01:19:05,451 --> 01:19:07,442 and you don't want me to think you're tutti-frutti? 1068 01:19:07,653 --> 01:19:12,556 For heaven's sake, Felicia. I'm not gay and I never have been gay. 1069 01:19:12,758 --> 01:19:15,124 Then why the hell are you on this boat? 1070 01:19:15,328 --> 01:19:19,094 Nick! Nick and I got on this cruise by mistake. 1071 01:19:19,298 --> 01:19:22,699 And then I met this girl and she assumed I was gay! 1072 01:19:22,902 --> 01:19:25,496 And then I stupidly went along with it because... 1073 01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:28,639 She's behind me, isn't she? 1074 01:19:35,147 --> 01:19:36,637 How could you? 1075 01:19:37,850 --> 01:19:39,681 Gabriella, I'm sorry. 1076 01:19:40,586 --> 01:19:43,817 - I tried to tell you. - You're an asshole, Jerry. 1077 01:19:48,995 --> 01:19:50,223 Not again! 1078 01:19:55,001 --> 01:19:58,061 That was the girl I was talking about. 1079 01:19:58,704 --> 01:20:01,969 Well, looks like you had a dumb fling yourself. 1080 01:20:02,241 --> 01:20:05,142 I'll tell you what. If you can forgive me... 1081 01:20:05,344 --> 01:20:07,369 I can certainly forgive you. 1082 01:20:07,647 --> 01:20:11,447 And we can get married just like you always wanted, Jerry. 1083 01:20:11,851 --> 01:20:15,617 I love you, baby. What do you say? 1084 01:20:17,957 --> 01:20:18,548 Great. 1085 01:20:18,758 --> 01:20:22,250 Now one of the bride and groom staring at each other lovingly. 1086 01:20:23,329 --> 01:20:26,594 - You look so beautiful. - Thank you. 1087 01:20:27,199 --> 01:20:31,397 Why don't we both look beautiful? Take out that earring. 1088 01:21:14,938 --> 01:21:16,906 Felicia is good for me. 1089 01:21:21,478 --> 01:21:25,209 She planned this entire wedding, all by herself. 1090 01:21:26,450 --> 01:21:29,044 Got me a great job with her father. 1091 01:21:30,020 --> 01:21:33,080 Got us a new apartment. Picked out all the linens and plates. 1092 01:21:33,657 --> 01:21:37,252 And as a wedding gift, she gave me an entire new wardrobe. 1093 01:21:39,930 --> 01:21:43,127 Yep, the only decision I have left to make for the rest of my life... 1094 01:21:43,334 --> 01:21:45,928 is whether I want to be buried or cremated. 1095 01:21:46,136 --> 01:21:48,036 No. I take that back. 1096 01:21:48,439 --> 01:21:51,101 We're being buried side by side. She told me this morning. 1097 01:22:10,127 --> 01:22:12,095 Hey, Jerry, I'm sorry I'm late. 1098 01:22:12,296 --> 01:22:14,491 I had a little bit of a personal crisis this morning. 1099 01:22:14,698 --> 01:22:16,393 - Is everything alright, pastor? - Fine, fine. 1100 01:22:16,600 --> 01:22:19,899 Just I had a few personal issues I had to clarify, but... 1101 01:22:20,104 --> 01:22:22,004 It 's your big day. Nothing's going to spoil it. 1102 01:22:22,206 --> 01:22:24,071 Glad to see you finally made it, reverend. 1103 01:22:24,341 --> 01:22:27,367 I got a string quartet back at the Hyatt about to go into golden time. 1104 01:22:27,644 --> 01:22:29,441 - Congratulations, sir. - Thank you. 1105 01:22:30,581 --> 01:22:32,310 - They're friends of yours, Jerry? - Yes, sir. 1106 01:22:32,516 --> 01:22:34,040 I met them on the cruise. 1107 01:22:34,952 --> 01:22:37,386 So you accidentally hopped onto the Guytanic, too? 1108 01:22:37,788 --> 01:22:40,985 - How's it going? - I guess not. 1109 01:22:41,692 --> 01:22:44,559 Jerry, I'm gonna keep my eye on you. 1110 01:22:45,729 --> 01:22:48,892 - What 's up, guys? - Nick, come here. It 's important. 1111 01:22:51,835 --> 01:22:55,396 There is no more sacred contract than the bond of marriage. 1112 01:22:56,073 --> 01:23:01,136 And no more spiritual union than that between a man and a woman. 1113 01:23:02,179 --> 01:23:04,511 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 1114 01:23:04,882 --> 01:23:10,582 to bring this man and this woman together in the eyes of... 1115 01:23:12,790 --> 01:23:14,758 in the eyes of... 1116 01:23:16,026 --> 01:23:17,550 God? 1117 01:23:17,761 --> 01:23:20,889 - God, yeah, that 's what you say. - No, that 's what you say. 1118 01:23:21,598 --> 01:23:25,090 Yeah, well I used to until recently. I mean... 1119 01:23:25,903 --> 01:23:28,394 if there was a God would He allow my wife to run off... 1120 01:23:28,605 --> 01:23:31,005 with a non-union contractor who overcharged me for a bay window? 1121 01:23:31,208 --> 01:23:34,837 But that 's my problem, I'm sorry, and it 's your day. I'm sorry. Where was I? 1122 01:23:35,045 --> 01:23:38,742 A happy marriage is the perfect human relationship. 1123 01:23:39,116 --> 01:23:43,485 A setting in which each partner feels free to be as he or she is... 1124 01:23:43,687 --> 01:23:46,121 under God's bountiful nature. 1125 01:23:46,824 --> 01:23:50,123 That same nature that allowed the number 547 PIN code... 1126 01:23:50,727 --> 01:23:53,662 to screw me in a photo. I'm sorry, where was I? 1127 01:23:54,832 --> 01:23:59,394 If there's anyone present who feels that these two people should not... 1128 01:23:59,603 --> 01:24:02,037 ...be joined together in matrimony... - Come on. 1129 01:24:02,239 --> 01:24:05,265 ...let them speak now, or forever hold their peace. 1130 01:24:11,148 --> 01:24:12,308 Okay, fine. 1131 01:24:12,516 --> 01:24:16,282 Jerry, then, if there's no objection, turn to Felicia and repeat after me. 1132 01:24:17,955 --> 01:24:19,286 I, Jerry... 1133 01:24:19,556 --> 01:24:21,080 take you, Felicia... 1134 01:24:21,291 --> 01:24:25,455 ...to be my lawful-wedded... - Stop! Wait! Time out! Time out! 1135 01:24:25,662 --> 01:24:29,598 - Nick! What are you doing? - I have to say something. 1136 01:24:30,000 --> 01:24:32,468 If I didn't speak now, I could never live with myself. 1137 01:24:33,036 --> 01:24:34,663 A couple of weeks ago... 1138 01:24:34,872 --> 01:24:37,739 Jerry and I took a cruise together. 1139 01:24:38,408 --> 01:24:40,842 It wasn't the cruise we intended to take, but... 1140 01:24:41,211 --> 01:24:45,580 it was good we got in the wrong boat because it changed our lives forever. 1141 01:24:45,849 --> 01:24:50,513 Jerry, if you marry Felicia today, it will end up in disaster. 1142 01:24:50,921 --> 01:24:54,721 You need to be with the person you fell in love with on that boat. 1143 01:24:55,726 --> 01:25:02,131 And I know it, because that person is me. 1144 01:25:06,470 --> 01:25:08,700 How much of that pot did you smoke? 1145 01:25:08,939 --> 01:25:10,930 I know where Gabriella is. If you hurry we can catch her. 1146 01:25:12,142 --> 01:25:14,610 Jerry? What the hell is wrong with you? 1147 01:25:14,878 --> 01:25:19,178 You can't humiliate me like this! My dad is gonna kill you! 1148 01:25:19,583 --> 01:25:22,711 - Come on, Rocco! Come on, boy! - Daddy! 1149 01:25:22,920 --> 01:25:25,320 Come on, move! Move! 1150 01:25:26,290 --> 01:25:28,315 Daddy, do something! 1151 01:25:30,928 --> 01:25:32,691 - Where's your car? - We're not taking my car. 1152 01:25:32,896 --> 01:25:34,693 We'd never make it across town in this traffic. 1153 01:25:37,467 --> 01:25:38,661 Boys! Boys! 1154 01:25:43,607 --> 01:25:47,338 - Hector! You're a fireman! - Yes! 1155 01:25:48,145 --> 01:25:50,010 I'm December in our calendar. 1156 01:25:53,050 --> 01:25:55,416 Thank you, Ernie, dear. 1157 01:25:55,619 --> 01:25:56,847 Call me! 1158 01:26:02,459 --> 01:26:04,086 So where is Gabriella? 1159 01:26:04,361 --> 01:26:06,591 She signed up to work another cruise. 1160 01:26:06,964 --> 01:26:10,400 - When does she leave port? - Two hours ago! 1161 01:26:10,734 --> 01:26:12,201 Two hours ago? 1162 01:26:12,703 --> 01:26:15,934 And how am I supposed to find her in the ocean? 1163 01:26:21,778 --> 01:26:23,109 I can't do this! 1164 01:26:23,614 --> 01:26:27,277 - I get motion sickness! - Yes, you can. Come on, Jerry. 1165 01:26:27,484 --> 01:26:29,384 You're about to be united with the woman you love. 1166 01:26:29,586 --> 01:26:30,883 What do you think? 1167 01:26:33,490 --> 01:26:36,721 Why don't you calm down? You are in very, very good hands. 1168 01:26:37,260 --> 01:26:39,023 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 1169 01:26:39,429 --> 01:26:43,525 I know you only think of me as a hard-partying old queen... 1170 01:26:43,734 --> 01:26:47,898 but for your information, I spent 32 years in the Armed Forces... 1171 01:26:48,105 --> 01:26:51,541 serving Her Majesty, the real Queen. 1172 01:26:52,142 --> 01:26:54,508 I've seen action in five different theaters of war... 1173 01:26:54,711 --> 01:26:58,807 I've made over 49O drops, 23 over hostile territory. 1174 01:26:59,016 --> 01:27:04,044 I'm what you colonials might call a bad-assed motherfucker... 1175 01:27:04,254 --> 01:27:06,313 who also happens to be an expert... 1176 01:27:06,523 --> 01:27:09,856 in the delicate art of Japanese flower arranging. 1177 01:27:11,328 --> 01:27:13,091 Over the target, captain. 1178 01:27:13,597 --> 01:27:15,588 Right! It 's now, or never. 1179 01:27:17,234 --> 01:27:20,101 Come on, Jerry, get out there! Jump out! 1180 01:27:20,303 --> 01:27:21,292 I can't do this! 1181 01:27:21,738 --> 01:27:25,105 - Go get her, Jerry! - This is a bad idea! 1182 01:27:29,379 --> 01:27:32,678 Wait, I'm gonna be sick. I mean it! 1183 01:27:34,651 --> 01:27:36,312 I felt that one. 1184 01:27:36,520 --> 01:27:39,011 Good Lord, you're a crybaby. 1185 01:27:40,557 --> 01:27:43,993 Five, six, seven, eight. Kick! 1186 01:27:44,194 --> 01:27:46,685 Back! Head, up, down. 1187 01:27:46,897 --> 01:27:48,387 One more time. 1188 01:27:48,598 --> 01:27:51,624 Kick! Back! Head, up, down. 1189 01:27:51,835 --> 01:27:54,702 I want it sassy, now. Come on. Kick! Pli�. 1190 01:27:55,005 --> 01:27:57,667 Head, up, down. And Kick! Pli�! 1191 01:27:57,874 --> 01:28:00,809 I'm not a person who likes heights! 1192 01:28:01,645 --> 01:28:04,671 I don't feel so good. I don't feel so good. 1193 01:28:07,150 --> 01:28:09,311 I hate this! 1194 01:28:13,256 --> 01:28:14,382 What is that? 1195 01:28:14,825 --> 01:28:17,191 - I don't like it! - We're over the target. 1196 01:28:17,861 --> 01:28:20,056 - Prepare for release! - Release! 1197 01:28:25,268 --> 01:28:26,599 We did it! 1198 01:28:27,471 --> 01:28:28,938 I'm so excited. 1199 01:28:29,139 --> 01:28:33,007 If truth be told, I'm more than a little excited myself. 1200 01:28:34,111 --> 01:28:35,942 Unhook me, please. 1201 01:28:36,847 --> 01:28:38,576 I don't believe this. 1202 01:28:38,782 --> 01:28:40,306 Help, please. 1203 01:28:40,517 --> 01:28:42,382 This time, I'm gonna let you drown. 1204 01:28:42,686 --> 01:28:44,517 You're gonna have to drag me over to the deep end... 1205 01:28:44,721 --> 01:28:46,780 'cause it 's only about three and a half feet over here. 1206 01:28:47,157 --> 01:28:48,385 What are you doing here? 1207 01:28:48,592 --> 01:28:52,653 I was in the neighbourhood, so I figured I'd just drop in. 1208 01:28:54,464 --> 01:28:57,627 - Goodbye. - Gabriella, wait, please. 1209 01:29:02,873 --> 01:29:05,103 I thought I was being reasonably clever... 1210 01:29:05,308 --> 01:29:08,106 considering I just dropped 1,5OO feet out of an airplane. 1211 01:29:08,545 --> 01:29:10,536 Why did you bother? 1212 01:29:23,059 --> 01:29:25,323 Because I love you. 1213 01:29:25,529 --> 01:29:27,019 Who loves me? 1214 01:29:27,230 --> 01:29:29,425 Gay Jerry as a friend? 1215 01:29:29,633 --> 01:29:33,626 Or is this straight, lying, deceitful Jerry? 1216 01:29:37,174 --> 01:29:39,608 You've never met this Jerry. 1217 01:29:39,810 --> 01:29:42,335 This is the extremely sorry... 1218 01:29:42,546 --> 01:29:45,538 unbelievably heartbroken because you left me... 1219 01:29:45,782 --> 01:29:47,613 who'll do anything to get you to forgive me... 1220 01:29:47,818 --> 01:29:50,685 because I want to spend the rest of my life with you Jerry. 1221 01:29:52,789 --> 01:29:54,723 Well, you listen to me, Jerry. 1222 01:29:54,925 --> 01:29:56,950 Just because you dropped out of the sky... 1223 01:29:57,260 --> 01:29:59,319 and made this grand, romantic gesture... 1224 01:29:59,529 --> 01:30:01,895 doesn't mean that I'm going to automatically run into your arms. 1225 01:30:02,098 --> 01:30:03,895 Do you understand that? 1226 01:30:04,267 --> 01:30:05,325 - Yes. - Good. 1227 01:30:09,039 --> 01:30:12,338 Okay, I'm probably going to. But you shouldn't automatically expect it... 1228 01:30:12,576 --> 01:30:14,339 because if we're going to have the kind of relationship... 1229 01:30:14,544 --> 01:30:17,104 that one day you're going to be making up these fantasies... 1230 01:30:22,185 --> 01:30:26,986 Don't you ever, ever lie to me again. 1231 01:30:27,190 --> 01:30:28,782 I swear. 1232 01:30:38,034 --> 01:30:40,093 I'll never understand it. 1233 01:30:40,303 --> 01:30:42,271 Neither will I. 1234 01:31:00,857 --> 01:31:02,552 Inga! 1235 01:31:05,362 --> 01:31:06,727 Inga... 1236 01:31:06,930 --> 01:31:08,488 Inga... 1237 01:31:08,698 --> 01:31:10,290 Inga... 1238 01:31:26,983 --> 01:31:29,577 My God! My God! 1239 01:31:31,488 --> 01:31:34,480 I'm Nick Ragoni. I'm a friend of your daughter Inga. 1240 01:31:35,025 --> 01:31:37,585 I've travelled 12 thousand miles to surprise her. 1241 01:31:37,894 --> 01:31:40,385 You poor thing. You look frozen. Let me help you up. 1242 01:31:43,266 --> 01:31:45,029 Let me and my son help you up. 1243 01:31:45,235 --> 01:31:47,169 - Johann, come over here. - Ja. 1244 01:31:49,506 --> 01:31:50,973 Come on. 1245 01:31:51,775 --> 01:31:55,768 This man is obviously a fan of smorgasbord. 1246 01:31:56,846 --> 01:31:58,245 Ingmar, what 's going on? 1247 01:31:58,448 --> 01:32:01,576 Mother, he is an American friend of Inga's. 1248 01:32:02,786 --> 01:32:05,380 I hope you didn't go too much trouble to get here. 1249 01:32:05,588 --> 01:32:07,180 - Inga's not home. - What? 1250 01:32:07,390 --> 01:32:09,881 She's gone to Italy on a modelling assignment. 1251 01:32:10,093 --> 01:32:12,152 Won't be back for three months. 1252 01:32:12,362 --> 01:32:17,959 - Oh God, no. I can't believe it. - You poor boy. You look so cold. 1253 01:32:18,234 --> 01:32:21,169 You'll join us for dinner. Bridgit? 1254 01:32:21,371 --> 01:32:23,532 Get this man some soup from the stove. 1255 01:32:26,343 --> 01:32:29,437 Now this is Bridgit. She wants to be a bikini model... 1256 01:32:29,646 --> 01:32:32,080 ...just like her big sister. - Nice to meet you. 1257 01:32:33,083 --> 01:32:36,348 And Bridgit 's coach will be joining us for dinner, too. 1258 01:32:44,728 --> 01:32:46,662 Nicholas. 1259 01:32:46,200 --> 01:32:48,430 We meet again. 1260 01:32:47,263 --> 01:32:48,855 Hello. 98035