Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

NARRATOR: Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

(heart beating)

MAN: ...good mountain water, you can live forever.

(Man 2 laughs) Oh, yes,

you may think that's very amusing, but water is a very important...

Well, I couldn't agree with you more.

Just think about its wetness, for one thing.

Oh, surely.

I mean, people in the mountains,

they drink water and they live forever.

Oh, by the gallon, yeah.

"Antony and Cleopatra."

Well, that's very romantic.

(lively music and indistinct chatter in distance)

Home, sweet home.

Pretty good turnout for your class reunion, huh, Mr. Carson?

Oh, Harry. Call me Harry.

Mary and Joseph couldn't get a room

at the Pocahontas tonight.

You're lucky the honeymoon suite was available.

A romantic love nest for two-- that's what I call it.

Yeah, it'd be a shame to let it go to waste.

Telling me. (chuckles)

(gasps) Mmm...

Hey, you okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, too many vodka sinkers on an empty stomach.

Sylvia Penwater-- class of '58.

She looked pretty good at the dance tonight.

I tell you what-- give this to Miss Penwater.

She's in room 12C.

Okay. Okay?

Don't forget, now.

Keys are right in your pocket.

Room 12C. 12C. Got it.

(sighs) Yeah.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Oh, cheers.

(heart beating)

(satisfied groan)

Sylvia "Cleopatra" Penwater,

your "Antony" awaits you.

(heartbeat accelerates)

(gasping)

(heartbeat stops)

WOMAN (distorted): He's mine. MAN (distorted): I said he's mine.

He's mine.

I have a valid requisition.

I also have a requisition

for the immortal soul of Harry T. Carson.

(thud)

Dutiful son, loving father, and loyal friend.

(laughs)

You've got to be kidding.

You mean Harry Carson, adulterer;

Harry Carson, drunkard.

Preposterous!

It's all here in black and white.

All right, look--

why don't we let Harry decide?

ANGEL: What do you propose?

DEVIL: How about if we each appear to him

in the form of a mortal,

and use whatever persuasion we can think of?

The first one out that door with Harry claims his soul.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Aldo Anderson, Harry's best friend.

And Harry will do anything for a friend.

Isn't that right, Harry?

Doris Kramer...

BOTH: Harry's sister-in-law.

She's been fighting off Harry's advances for years.

(chuckles)

But not anymore.

There's nothing more important to Harry than friendship.

(chuckles)

How quaint.

(sighs)

Let the games begin.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

I've always wanted to hot-wire one of these guys.

DORIS: Come on, come on, come on.

What's the matter with this thing?

(muttering) ...Damn!

Oh, oh, shoot.

I told you we shouldn't be doing this.

Only He is permitted to reactivate.

Okay, baby, come on.

Okay... okay...

Come on.

(Aldo mumbles) That's it.

Come on!

Come on, Harry.

Come on, Harry, come on, Harry.

(siren wailing) Breathe.

Come on, Harry.

Breathe, Harry.

Come on.

(burps)

All right!

(blows)

Give him a few minutes, he'll be good as new.

Oh, boy.

Harry and I are going out.

(Doris singing a bluesy melody)

(grunts)

Hi, Harry.

Aldo! Howdy, boy.

(chuckles) What are you doing here?

I'll explain later. Come on.

(belting a bluesy melody)

Hey, who's in the bathroom? Don't worry about it.

Let's get out of here now, come on. Why?

I'll explain later; let's go.

Yeah, yeah, hey, yeah-- w-wait a second.

What's, what's going on?

Hey, you never go to class reunions.

I hate 'em. Yeah.

Okay, I don't know how you're going to take this.

Yeah? There's a fire.

A fire?!

Yeah, shh, come on, let's get out of here.

(stops singing)

It's too late.

No, it's not. Come on.

We're trapped. Harry...

(alarm bell ringing, sirens wailing)

(coughs)

Play with fire and you're liable to get burned.

Hi, Harry.

Doris!

Doris Kramer!

Long time, no see.

How you been?

Gosh, I haven't seen you and your, uh, husband in ages.

Oh, my husband's out of town.

I feel so bored. Uh-huh.

She's a tease. You can't trust her, Harry.

I've got it. Let's go dancing.

Oh! (chuckles) (singing a bright tune)

There's no music, you know.

There is in the lounge.

(chuckles)

HARRY: Wait a second!

There's a fire!

Fire?

Where?

(laughs)

(singing)

HARRY: Oh, yeah.

Oh, ow, ow!

Harry, I got to talk to you for a minute. Damn!

I need your help-- come on, come here. What are you talking about?

Oh!

Harry, I know this is a bad time, but...

if you don't get me out of here, I'm gonna kill myself.

Aldo, get a grip on yourself.

Nothing's going to happen to you here.

You don't understand.

It's...

this place, the Pocahontas Inn--

it's driving me over the edge.

It must remind me of something.

Your ex-wife.

That's it.

Oh, the joint reminds me of my ex,

and I just want to do myself in.

Oh, Aldo, Aldo,

I didn't realize you were in such bad shape.

Of course I'll get you out of here.

What else are buddies for?

Really? Yeah! Come on!

Terrific.

I'll tell you, Harry, you don't know what this means to me.

Thank you.

Harry, I think I sprained my ankle.

Oh, let's take a look at that.

Oh, it really hurts.

Look, Harry, it's her ankle, her ankle.

Oh, that could be a bad sprain. Yeah.

Listen, honey, could you help me to my room?

It's just down the hall.

Oh, yeah. ALDO: Harry, please.

This'll only take a minute. Oh, and Harry,

you might have to help me with my zipper.

Oh, yeah. (sultry moan)

Listen...

(Harry moans passionately)

Oh... Oh!

Oh, you're so strong.

ALDO: Harry! (gun cocking)

(screams)

I thought you were the one friend

that I could depend on and count on.

Aldo, oh, my God, no.

The one man who could walk away from a good time

just because there was a friend in need.

(sighs)

Just give me the gun, Aldo.

We'll go anywhere you want, I promise you.

I promise. Look, I'm not kidding, Harry.

I gotta get out of here.

I can't take it anymore.

If I don't get out of here, I'm gonna snuff myself.

Go ahead,

pull the trigger.

Look, don't push me, sister,

'cause I'll do it.

Aldo, it's me, Harry, your old friend.

(groaning with effort)

Come on...

(groaning)

(Doris laughs)

How could you do that to me?

You know I got a bad heart.

Come on, Harry, let's go.

Look, Harry, I... I know it was a dirty trick,

but you have to see it for what it is--

a dirty trick and a cry for help is what it is.

Harry, I'm begging you, please, Harry, please,

you gotta get me out of here.

Help me make it through the night.

I'm sorry, kid, duty calls.

Sorry, kid.

This is not 5A.

DORIS (lilting): Thank you.

Hey, way to go, Harry.

Harry, come on, let's go.

Party time!

(laughs)

Harry.

(Harry and Doris laughing)

ALDO: Harry, let's go, please.

Loosen up, old buddy. Have yourself a drink.

Well, I suppose one drink won't hurt.

DORIS: Here's mud in your eyes.

(laughs) Yeah.

Now, don't think that you're going to pull

a fast one on me, sister.

You know, I'm really worried about him.

Yeah. Hasn't been himself lately.

Mmm.

I don't know what's wrong with him,

but he hasn't been the same since his ex divorced him.

Poor guy.

You know, I think a real friend would see to it

that he's unable to harm himself tonight.

Got any ideas?

(quiet laugh)

HARRY: Believe me, buddy,

this is for your own good.

(grunting)

Hope he's going to be okay.

Come on.

Oh, your ankle sure came along great.

(gasping)

What's wrong? It's my heart.

Outside, Harry.

Come on. Outside.

Have your heart attack outside the room.

Harry, damn it! Outside, Harry!

Have your heart attack outside!

Harry, you're alive!

Oh! Oh!

(sighs)

(chuckles)

(sighs)

He must have burnt out his ignition.

Nonsense. You simply botched the original reactivation.

His heart couldn't take it.

Face it, Aldo-- the guy just wants to have fun.

I win, you lose.

I'm going to make sure that Harry does the right thing.

So, stand back,

I'm going to reactivate him my way.

(harp glissando plays)

CHORUS: � Hallelujah!

� Hallelujah!

� Hallelujah, hallelujah

� Hallelujah!

� Hallelujah, hallelujah �

� Hallelujah, hallelujah

� Hallelujah!

� For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth �

� Hallelujah, hallelujah

� Hallelujah, hallelujah! �

� For the Lord God Omnip--

(rock and roll): � Ow!

� Look out, now, honey

� Here we come, comin' at ya �

� One, two, three, yeah

� Get on your feet

� Then we'll go dancin' �

� Out in the street

� Ow! Now, honey

� Come on, shake it with me

� Yo! That's right �

� It ain't much that I can do �

� But I know that I can shake it with you �

� Uh, just a little rock and roll �

� It's gonna be enough to save your soul �

� Come on now, honey

� Come on, shake it with me

� Yow! Ooh!

(music stops, Harry grunts)

DORIS: All right!

(groans) Harry?

Oh, no. Harry.

Uh-uh. Come on, honey. Let's go dancing.

Oh, Harry, how can you even think

of sleep at a time like this?

ALDO: Go, go ahead. Go back to sleep, Harry. Come on, honey.

'Cause you won't have your old friend, Aldo Anderson,

to bother you anymore.

Aldo, no, buddy...

It's this hotel, Harry.

I can't take it anymore.

The walls, they're, oh...

No, no. they're closing in on me.

And I keep hearing these little voices.

You know, these little voices telling me, "Go ahead, Aldo.

"Do it, do it, do it, Aldo.

"'Cause Harry doesn't care.

Harry's only interested in a good time."

HARRY: No, no.

Aldo... Aldo, look, look.

I'm ready to go. Look.

I don't want to have fun anymore.

Look, I just want to help... help you.

DORIS: Oh, come on, honey.

That phony-baloney's never going to go through with it.

Let's... go... dancing!

Yeah!

I'm warning you.

I'll jump! DORIS: Ha!

Let old Tarzan hang around here, if he wants to.

What you need, sweetheart,

is some action!

Action? I'm talking

about good times, Harry!

Wine...

women... and song!

Yeah, Harry. Yeah, baby. Don't listen to her, Harry!

I'm talking about She's the girl

good times! that your mother always warned you about.

I'm talking about wine I'm the one that needs you.

and women! (choking): Oh, I need you, Harry.

Come on, baby. Oh, I need you, Harry.

Harry... aah... Come on!

ALDO: Harry! Hot!

I can't take it anymore.

Out! Both of you, out!

Uh, Harry... Harry, you promised.

I can't do anything for you, Aldo.

You need professional help.

Harry, I'll tell you what.

Let's go dancing, just you and me,

to the disco. We'll have a--

No, let's go out. Let's go take a cold shower.

Don't call me in the morning.

All right, calm down.

Let's all have a drink. A drink, Harry.

Just for old times' sake. That's right. Just one drink. Won't hurt.

We're going to sit down... Well, okay. It-It won't hurt.

Okay. You have one drink, you have a drink.

I'm leaving.

DORIS: Oh!

Compliments of Miss Sylvia Penwater.

"Dear Harry,

"You dumped on me in '58,

now's my chance to reciprocate."

Sorry, Hare.

Sylvia Penwater hates me.

Aw, Harry...

Come on.

Fella, listen to me.

I'll bet that if you cleaned yourself up,

marched yourself down to her room...

Who knows?

HARRY: You really think so?

ALDO: Oh, sure, Harry.

Sure.

What are you doing?

What about our deal?

Why don't we give the poor guy a break, huh?

(scoffs) Are you kidding?

I've never let anyone off the hook.

Believe me, I've seen everything.

I'll bet.

The Titanic?

(laughs)

What's so funny?

(laughing)

Oh, you should have seen how some of those people begged.

I don't remember seeing you there.

First class, promenade deck.

Of course. Mmm.

Steerage.

(sighs)

It was a lovely night.

For you, maybe.

You know...

just a few extra hours to patch things up

with Sylvia Penwater

would mean an awful lot to Harry.

What do you care?

There's nothing in it for you.

I'll think about it.

(door opening)

Well, how do I look?

Devastating.

You really think this is going to work?

Oh, positively.

Go for it, buddy. (chuckles)

What's your hurry?

A little drink will... buck up your courage.

In fact, why don't you drop by my room

on your way to see Miss Penwater?

You lady-killer, you.

ALDO: Wait a minute. Ooh!

Aldo, what are you doing?

(grunts) Can I... I want to talk to you.

Oh! Oh!

Aldo, now, grow up!

Aldo!

Come on!

Aldo! (door shuts)

Come on! Aldo!

I should have known better than to trust you.

Look, all I said was that I'd think about it-- I did.

I decided to do my job.

(grunts, sighs)

Oh. Whew.

Physical contact.

Ah, no wonder mortals are so susceptible.

It's so, uh, strange, but very... pleasing.

Oh, sorry. No, no, no. It's all right.

I don't mind when you look at me that way.

It's very, uh, stimulating.

(sighs)

(snoring softly)

Say something romantic-- the way mortals do.

I just love your bosom.

Mmm! Oh.

Yeah? What else?

A magnificent set of clavicles. Mmm.

Oh! Yeah?

What else? Go on.

Go on. Your shoulders.

What about my shoulders?

Oh, they're so soft and luscious. Mmm, mmm.

And your neck like a swan. Yeah?

And those...

Oh, those lovely lips.

What about my lips?

Oh, I melt.

(low, sultry laughter)

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

(both chuckling)

(snoring)

You first.

Oh, no, no, no.

It was my idea.

You first.

Together.

Okay, then. Okay, you ready?

Yeah. One, two,

three.

Rip. Rip.

(Aldo and Doris laughing)

Rip... Rip... It'll take a bureaucracy ten years

to catch up with Harry.

At least! (sighs)

I am tired of feeling

like a glorified process server.

Do you know I can't remember

the last time I had a night off?

(both chuckling)

(Harry snoring)

(grunting)

(muttering): ...their other kicks in their own room.

Can't believe that.

Sylvia Penwater!

(moaning)

(giggles)

(moaning continues)

(chuckling)

Mmm!

NARRATOR: The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.