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(theme music playing)
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NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world
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00:00:24,056 --> 00:00:28,493
of what he believesto be reality.
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00:00:30,062 --> 00:00:33,431
But... there is,
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unseen by most, an underworld.
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A place that is just as real
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but not as brightly lit.
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A dark side.
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�
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(doorbell rings)
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Welcome to the Cantrell home,
Mr. Tabbitt,
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where we hope to be the home of
the future mayor of Huntsville.
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We want you to make yourself
right at home.
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Honey, our guest of honor
has arrived.
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Mr. Tabbitt!
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I hope you're going to manage
my mayoral campaign.
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You don't have
any cats?
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00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:02,052
Why, no,
no cats at all.
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00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,388
Does a mayor need cats?
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00:02:03,455 --> 00:02:04,589
I'm allergic to cats.
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Oh, we have no pets.
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We believe four-legged animals
are happier
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on farms and in trees.
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Julian,
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perhaps Mr. Tabbitt is
craving a thirst quencher.
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Ah.
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This way, Tabbitt.
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WOMAN:
Mr. Tabbitt,
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you'll have to excuse us.
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It's Thursday night and,
as you know,
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help doesn't come in
on Thursdays.
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Yeah. Uh, whiskey?
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(sneezes)
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Are you wearing wool?
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Oh, uh, Valeria,
honey, is this wool?
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Might be, sugar.
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I'm allergic to wool.
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(sneezes)
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Oh, uh, well, then, uh,
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you and I won't get
too huggy and kissy.
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(chuckles)
How's that, huh?
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(giggles)
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Mr. Tabbitt, we are so sure
that Julian will be
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the most outstanding mayor
that Huntsville has ever known.
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I hear that no one can
get elected in this town
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without your help.
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Uh...
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You look pretty,
baby shucks.
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I look like a turtle.
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Mr. Tabbitt, this is our
lovely turtle, Charlotte Rose.
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Gentlemen, shall we?
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Ah. Ah...
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It's families
that win elections
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00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:09,921
in this town,
Mr. Cantrell.
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A fine, upstanding,
normal family
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is what people
like to see.
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Gets 'em
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where they eat.
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Well, my family is as wholesome
as a whole loaf of white bread.
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00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,265
Isn't that right,
Valeria?
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TABBITT: What about
you, little missy?
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What will the voting
populace of Huntsville
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want to know about you?
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I love America.
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Of course you do, darling.
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A-And I really want to be
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a baton twirler
for the Dallas Cowboys,
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as soon as I get a figure
worthy of national television.
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I been practicing, Daddy.
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Oh.
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� O beautiful
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� For spacious skies
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� For amber waves of...
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Charlotte!
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Wasn't I good?
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Baton twirling has not been
known to inspire votes.
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Charlotte, honey,
you were just lovely.
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00:04:01,006 --> 00:04:02,206
Now, sit down.
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00:04:05,344 --> 00:04:08,747
Exhibitionism is really
not in good taste, honey.
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We must leave that--
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we must leave that
to the daughters of men
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who do not aspire
to be mayor of Huntsville.
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(ethereal music plays)
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The true talent of women of
our social standing is to blend
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into the background
of life,
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and support those
who were born to be
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our leaders.
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(ethereal music fades)
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How did you do that,
Miz Cantrell?
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00:04:31,503 --> 00:04:32,703
What?
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You positively glowed.
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Why, thank you, sir.
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Was that your wife
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00:04:38,477 --> 00:04:39,844
or was that
some special lightbulb?
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(ethereal choir singing)
96
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,213
Uh...
Is there something
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00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:46,117
terribly wrong with your
poached salmon, Mr. Tabbitt?
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I'm allergic to fish.
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Do I hear music?
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VALERIA:
How thoughtless of me.
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I should have consulted you
before planning my menu.
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Only thing I'm not allergic to
is fried chicken.
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00:04:59,097 --> 00:05:02,266
Well, I wish I had fried chicken
for you right now.
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(shrieks)
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Is that fried chicken
on your plate, Mr. Tabbitt?
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00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:09,908
Don't it look
like fried chicken?
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00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:12,077
It looks
like fried chicken to me!
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00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:16,447
And you, Miz Cantrell, were
lit up like a Christmas tree.
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This is
not normal.
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This is not a normal
family, Mr. Cantrell,
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and I don't like it.
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I don't like chicken coming
down from the ceiling.
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00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,057
I just don't like--
goo... good-bye!
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JULIAN:
Tabbitt...
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Mr. Tabbitt,
please don't go.
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What about
my husband's campaign?
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Mama, what's
wrong with you?
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What in the devil
is going on, Valeria?
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00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:45,843
What is everybody
so all-fired excited about?
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00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,916
I wish a big chocolate cake
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would fall
out of the ceiling right now,
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and ice cream,
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and a pair
of aqua stretch pants.
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00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:01,692
We will not discuss
last night, Charlotte,
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00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,295
and please, darling, be
careful with that makeup.
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00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:08,199
(phone rings)
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00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,234
Cantrells'.
Valeria speaking.
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(indistinct talking over phone)
Hello, Mother.
How's the sniffles?
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00:06:13,572 --> 00:06:15,106
What?
130
00:06:15,173 --> 00:06:17,475
Oh, my, you have
a little headache?
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00:06:17,509 --> 00:06:20,778
Well, would you like
me to call the doctor?
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I'll be over directly.
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You put your eyeshades
on and rest.
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00:06:24,449 --> 00:06:25,383
All right?
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00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:28,152
Bye-bye.
136
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:31,623
Mary Anne Whipple's mother
wears aqua stretch pants
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00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:34,959
and an orange satin blouse
that shows her cleavage.
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00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:38,095
Everyone has their own
path to walk on, honey,
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00:06:38,163 --> 00:06:39,430
and God gives people
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00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:41,632
questionable taste
in clothing sometimes
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00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:45,136
as a penance for buying
polyester in a previous life.
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00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:48,973
We Cantrells
do not judge.
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Mary Anne says her mother
has three boyfriends.
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00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:53,377
They sleep over
sometimes,
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00:06:53,445 --> 00:06:55,813
in the same bedroom
as her mother.
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00:06:55,881 --> 00:06:58,649
There's only one bed
in that room.
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00:06:58,717 --> 00:07:00,584
Don't be a
tattletale.
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00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:02,153
Ruby Whipple has a right
to a private life,
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00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:03,588
and if I spoke to her,
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00:07:03,655 --> 00:07:05,923
I would caution her to keep
it as private as possible.
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00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:08,225
You'd never talk
to Mrs. Whipple,
152
00:07:08,293 --> 00:07:10,862
but you'd let me be friends
with Mary Anne.
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00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:13,698
Mary Anne needs
you as a friend.
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00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:16,500
Ruby Whipple has enough friends.
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00:07:17,602 --> 00:07:19,470
Charlotte, what
are you doing?
156
00:07:19,537 --> 00:07:21,572
Charlotte.
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00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:25,609
It's a project at school--
art class.
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00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:28,913
Egyptian-- we're supposed
to look like Cleopatra.
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00:07:31,116 --> 00:07:35,319
Yeah, uh, i-it's a contest,
and I just have to win.
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00:07:35,387 --> 00:07:37,221
I've never won
a contest.
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00:07:37,288 --> 00:07:38,422
Why don't you help me?
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00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:40,658
Don't you wish
I'd win?!
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00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:46,097
Mother...
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00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:48,832
Mother, I don't want to wear
these stupid clothes!
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Make them go away!
166
00:07:50,035 --> 00:07:51,302
Darling, I would
if I could!
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00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:52,937
Mother, I'm scared!
168
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:54,772
Darling, take a deep breath.
169
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:55,606
Now, hold Mama's hands.
(screams)
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00:07:55,674 --> 00:07:56,641
You're scaring me!
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Make them go away!
Valeria.
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Uh, Charlotte was just
telling me about a contest.
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I was lying!
174
00:08:02,447 --> 00:08:04,215
I just wanted to wear makeup!
175
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:06,150
(sobbing):
I was lying.
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00:08:06,217 --> 00:08:10,287
Please, Mother, make it stop!
177
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,564
Daddy.
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00:08:20,632 --> 00:08:21,765
(gasps)
179
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:24,102
You are traumatizing
the child.
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00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:26,471
Now, you said this was never
going to happen again.
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00:08:26,538 --> 00:08:29,740
I'm sorry, Julian, I, I...
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I just don't know
how to explain it!
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00:08:31,543 --> 00:08:33,411
Well, you better find
someone who can.
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(sobs)
185
00:08:35,513 --> 00:08:39,217
MAN: Your daughter turned into
Cleopatra before your eyes,
186
00:08:39,284 --> 00:08:43,354
a bucket of chicken came
down from the ceiling,
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00:08:43,421 --> 00:08:46,557
and your husband says
you glow like a firefly.
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00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:51,995
Um, are you a member
of this parish, Mrs. Cantrell?
189
00:08:52,063 --> 00:08:53,264
Well, actually, no,
190
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:56,767
but I, I didn't think it was
a Methodist kind of problem.
191
00:08:56,835 --> 00:08:59,970
Have you seen a... doctor?
192
00:09:00,038 --> 00:09:01,105
I thought that a priest,
193
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:04,708
with a certain experience
in unearthly visitations,
194
00:09:04,776 --> 00:09:06,510
might be able to help me.
195
00:09:06,578 --> 00:09:09,480
Well, I-I just got out of
the seminary, Mrs. Cantrell.
196
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:12,249
Let me check
my book here.
197
00:09:12,317 --> 00:09:14,284
Um, uh...
198
00:09:14,352 --> 00:09:18,489
Uh, filed under "psycho"-- no.
199
00:09:18,556 --> 00:09:20,424
Hmm, maybe "wacko."
200
00:09:20,492 --> 00:09:23,527
(ethereal choir singing)
201
00:09:23,595 --> 00:09:25,963
Good gadooshky.
202
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:30,034
Now you can see how difficult
it is to plan social functions.
203
00:09:30,101 --> 00:09:31,902
Mother was right.
204
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:33,938
I should have been
a truck driver.
205
00:09:35,940 --> 00:09:38,409
(sighs)
206
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:40,111
(chuckles)
207
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:44,682
Uh, okay, all right.
208
00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:46,250
Um...
209
00:09:46,318 --> 00:09:48,452
Mrs. Cantrell, let me
ask you a question.
210
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,755
Look me straight in the eye
as you answer.
211
00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:55,226
Have you always been
a devout woman?
212
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:56,694
Never.
213
00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:58,028
Never.
214
00:09:58,096 --> 00:09:59,463
You never prayed?
215
00:09:59,530 --> 00:10:00,664
Father...
216
00:10:00,732 --> 00:10:03,234
I believe God respects
my ability
217
00:10:03,301 --> 00:10:05,636
to run my house on earth,
218
00:10:05,703 --> 00:10:09,406
and I respect God's ability
to run celestial matters.
219
00:10:09,474 --> 00:10:13,077
(celestial choir singing)
220
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:15,546
Good gadooshky.
221
00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:23,254
You, Mrs. Cantrell, are a saint.
222
00:10:26,091 --> 00:10:30,461
St. Mrs. Cantrell.
223
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:34,232
If this is being a saint,
I... I don't want to be one.
224
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:39,136
You've stopped
glowing.
225
00:10:39,204 --> 00:10:40,137
For the moment.
226
00:10:40,205 --> 00:10:42,739
It comes and goes
without any warning.
227
00:10:42,807 --> 00:10:45,509
God works in mysterious ways.
228
00:10:45,577 --> 00:10:47,945
I'm ruining
my family's life!
229
00:10:48,013 --> 00:10:49,947
I can't be a saint.
230
00:10:50,014 --> 00:10:52,783
How can I be un-sainted?
231
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:54,585
(scoffs)
You're not serious.
232
00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:57,088
What's the worst sin
a person can commit?
233
00:10:57,155 --> 00:10:58,723
Mrs. Cantrell,
you wouldn't!
234
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,257
No, you've got to
help me, Father.
235
00:11:00,325 --> 00:11:02,259
What is the worst sin?
I'm a priest.
236
00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:03,894
I can't tell you
how to sin!
237
00:11:03,962 --> 00:11:04,929
All right, then.
238
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,530
I'll figure it out myself.
239
00:11:06,598 --> 00:11:07,664
Mrs. Cantrell,
240
00:11:07,732 --> 00:11:08,865
what are you gonna do?
241
00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:11,835
The Devil's work, I suppose.
242
00:11:11,903 --> 00:11:14,271
What other choice do I have?
243
00:11:14,339 --> 00:11:16,274
(chorus singing
jubilant heavenly melody)
244
00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,142
(sighs)
245
00:11:21,613 --> 00:11:25,083
Mother, do you have
to do this?
246
00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:27,418
Well, doesn't it make
sense, honey,
247
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:30,188
that sainthood is something you
get from not sinning enough?
248
00:11:30,255 --> 00:11:31,522
I suppose so.
249
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,190
Then I'll just have
to keep sinning
250
00:11:33,258 --> 00:11:35,859
until I'm too wicked
to be a saint.
251
00:11:35,927 --> 00:11:37,528
Who's this?
252
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,096
That's Buddha, baby.
253
00:11:39,164 --> 00:11:42,199
Not a very attractive god,
but very calm.
254
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,001
I hate this.
255
00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:46,337
Well, unless you want
a 60-watt lightbulb
256
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:48,206
for a mother
for the rest of your life,
257
00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:51,175
I could use your support.
258
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:55,913
In the name of Buddha,
259
00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:58,416
and Quan Yin,
260
00:11:58,483 --> 00:12:00,451
and Rama-dama-ding-dong...
261
00:12:00,518 --> 00:12:02,719
I pray to Bruce
262
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:05,789
every night
before I go to sleep.
263
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:09,660
But it might help if-if
you prayed to him, too.
264
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:11,662
Thank you, sweetheart.
265
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:12,929
I wish this
wasn't happening.
266
00:12:12,997 --> 00:12:14,998
I know it is
very hard on you.
267
00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:17,535
Oh, I love you, Mother.
268
00:12:17,636 --> 00:12:21,004
Don't be a saint
too long.
269
00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:22,673
I won't.
270
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,375
Goddamn it!
271
00:12:24,442 --> 00:12:25,977
Valeria!
272
00:12:26,044 --> 00:12:28,212
You swore!
273
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,312
I did!
274
00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:30,581
I'll never
be mayor.
275
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:32,349
(phone rings)
276
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:37,421
Cantrells'.
Valeria speaking.
277
00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:39,423
Mother, I am sick
and tired of you,
278
00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:40,757
and your hypochondria,
279
00:12:40,825 --> 00:12:42,426
and your calling me
every other minute!
280
00:12:42,494 --> 00:12:44,028
Now, why don't you just
call information
281
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:46,864
and tell them about your crummy
little colds and your headaches.
282
00:12:46,931 --> 00:12:48,866
The number is 411!
283
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,236
Oh!
284
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:53,904
Okay.
285
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:56,740
(clears throat)
Very well done,
my dear.
286
00:12:56,808 --> 00:13:00,244
Uh, I'll check in
on her...
287
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,713
on the way to church.
288
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:05,715
Come on, peach fuzz.
289
00:13:05,783 --> 00:13:06,950
Straighten up, Charlotte!
290
00:13:07,018 --> 00:13:08,986
You look like hunchback.
291
00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:10,020
Fine, Mama.
292
00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:11,855
Be as mean
as you have to be.
293
00:13:11,923 --> 00:13:14,324
And if you two dare
say a prayer for me
294
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,859
in that temple of deception,
295
00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:18,195
I will personally starch
all your underwear!
296
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:28,972
O God, what will it take
for you to forsake me?
297
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,240
(harp glissando)
298
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,277
(heavenly chorus singing)
299
00:13:46,758 --> 00:13:48,626
Ugh.
300
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:59,169
VALERIA:
20 dead and counting.
301
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,951
Well, nobody said
I had to do 'em in order.
302
00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:22,159
How about some lemonade
and ginger snaps?
303
00:14:22,227 --> 00:14:24,462
That's my T-shirt.
304
00:14:24,529 --> 00:14:25,729
No, it's not, it's mine.
305
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,597
It is not.
306
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:30,033
That's my favorite T-shirt!
307
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:31,969
Mine now.
308
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:34,371
It's mine!
309
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:36,874
You can't steal my T-shirt!
310
00:14:36,941 --> 00:14:38,309
It's my T-shirt.
311
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,110
Girls.
312
00:14:39,177 --> 00:14:40,378
You're lying, Mother.
313
00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:42,613
You're telling a big fat lie!
314
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,347
That's right.
315
00:14:44,415 --> 00:14:46,349
(screams)
316
00:14:46,417 --> 00:14:48,351
I hate you!
317
00:14:48,419 --> 00:14:51,689
Just because you're a saint,
you think you can do anything?!
318
00:14:51,756 --> 00:14:53,691
I hate you!
319
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:55,059
(sobs)
Aah!
320
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:58,328
Valeria, honey,
321
00:14:58,396 --> 00:15:01,331
how about we go take
a long sleepless nap?
322
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:03,667
I'm much too busy
sinning, Julian!
323
00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:05,836
Please!
324
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,838
I want a bigger swimming
pool, like the Joneses'.
325
00:15:07,906 --> 00:15:09,840
I want a new fur coat,
like Harriet Sparks'.
326
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,408
I want a five-foot
video screen,
327
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:12,843
and I want
a new Cadillac!
328
00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:16,246
And I always wanted to go
to bed with Robert Redford!
329
00:15:16,314 --> 00:15:17,581
(heavenly chorus
singing jubilantly)
330
00:15:17,649 --> 00:15:19,917
Oh, well, this is
great, Valeria.
331
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:22,920
Now we got the whole Holy
Roller chorus blasting us.
332
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,755
I'm doing the best
I can, Julian.
333
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,256
Well, what the hell
is coming next?
334
00:15:26,324 --> 00:15:28,358
I only have
one sin left!
335
00:15:28,426 --> 00:15:29,893
CHORUS:
� Hallelujah!
336
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:32,329
(chorus vocalizing brightly
over pipe organ accompaniment)
337
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:40,971
Hi, there,
you big sexy thing.
338
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,710
St. Mrs. Cantrell?
339
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:49,546
I bet every single hair
on your head is so happy
340
00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:52,549
to be connected to such
a va-va-va-room face.
341
00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:55,385
Uh, no, they fall out when
I'm nervous, actually, and--
342
00:15:55,453 --> 00:15:57,387
No need to be nervous.
343
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:01,425
Good gadooshky!
344
00:16:01,492 --> 00:16:03,427
(gasps)
345
00:16:03,494 --> 00:16:05,429
Uh, Saint...
346
00:16:05,496 --> 00:16:08,265
uh, Miss, Miss, Mrs. Ca...
347
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,267
Can... trell.
348
00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:13,603
I'm a priest
349
00:16:13,671 --> 00:16:14,771
and you're a saint,
and I don't think
350
00:16:14,839 --> 00:16:15,939
you should be doing
what you're doing.
351
00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:17,141
Help me to sin, Father.
352
00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:19,143
I am so unhappy.
353
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:22,980
(screams)
354
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,483
Adultery with a man
of the cloth.
355
00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:28,852
Surely, God would
un-saint me for that.
356
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,187
(gasps)
357
00:16:30,254 --> 00:16:34,024
Not to mention what
he'd do to me.
358
00:16:34,092 --> 00:16:35,025
No!
359
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,526
Why me, Lord?!
360
00:16:36,561 --> 00:16:38,361
Why me?!
361
00:16:38,463 --> 00:16:41,498
WOMAN: I was surprised
to get your phone call,
362
00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,701
till you told me what
your problem was.
363
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,002
Oh...
364
00:16:45,069 --> 00:16:46,236
nice decorating.
365
00:16:46,304 --> 00:16:47,070
(dull tapping)
366
00:16:47,138 --> 00:16:50,073
I like cheap plastic, myself.
367
00:16:50,141 --> 00:16:53,076
I already figured out
your problem, honey.
368
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,813
You ain't been sinning
worth diddly-squat.
369
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,781
I've broken
every Commandment.
370
00:16:57,849 --> 00:16:59,449
I haven't murdered
a person yet,
371
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:01,952
but there's old Mr. Hubbard,
whose plug I can pull.
372
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,154
He's been in a coma
for 12 years.
373
00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:06,990
Murder ain't the worst
of it, honey.
374
00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:08,159
Ah.
375
00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:10,394
Don't bother, I'll
get it myself.
376
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:13,297
I find sinning so tedious,
377
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,132
tiresome, boring!
378
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,802
There ain't nothing better
than living on the edge of bad.
379
00:17:18,870 --> 00:17:21,138
You just don't know
how to do it.
380
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:24,007
You can't say
I haven't sinned.
381
00:17:24,075 --> 00:17:25,576
That's nonsense.
382
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,978
Nonsense, my rosy butt.
383
00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:31,148
You tell me why you
been racing around
384
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,150
like a chicken
with its head cut off--
385
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,419
lying and stealing
and cussing
386
00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:37,921
(laughing):
and seducing priests.
387
00:17:37,989 --> 00:17:40,257
Not to mention
bowing to Buddha
388
00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:42,259
and Bruce Springsteen.
389
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,928
You tell me why you don't
want to be a saint.
390
00:17:44,996 --> 00:17:47,598
Because Julian wants to be mayor
391
00:17:47,665 --> 00:17:49,766
and Charlotte wants
a normal mother.
392
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,267
And they're entitled to that.
393
00:17:51,335 --> 00:17:52,769
I don't want to disappoint them.
394
00:17:52,837 --> 00:17:54,705
That's your problem.
395
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:57,641
You've been sinning for the sake
of those you love, honey.
396
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:58,909
That don't count.
397
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:00,310
What?!
398
00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:03,914
You want ol' Ruby to tell you
what the worst sin is?
399
00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:06,784
I would be ever so grateful.
400
00:18:06,818 --> 00:18:07,918
Pride.
401
00:18:07,985 --> 00:18:09,620
That's the worst sin, honey.
402
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:10,821
Pride.
403
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:12,255
Now, tell me the truth,
404
00:18:12,323 --> 00:18:14,424
ain't you just
a little bit pumped up
405
00:18:14,492 --> 00:18:18,529
because numero uno up there
thinks you're the
406
00:18:18,596 --> 00:18:20,563
cat's meow?
407
00:18:20,631 --> 00:18:23,099
Yes, I am rather flattered.
408
00:18:23,167 --> 00:18:24,868
Sure you are!
409
00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:28,539
Now, let's start
taking advantage of it.
410
00:18:37,481 --> 00:18:40,450
JULIAN:
Tarnation!
411
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,553
Valeria, honey,
where are you?
412
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:44,688
(laughs):
She's really flipped.
413
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:47,557
Hi, there.
You here to see the saint?
414
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:50,326
I, uh, happen to be
the saint's husband!
415
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:53,463
Who are you?
We'll get to know
each other later, big guy.
416
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,198
I'm busy now.
417
00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:58,269
Are you ready,
Your Sainthood?
418
00:18:58,336 --> 00:19:02,105
I'll put the sign out on
the front lawn, okay, Saint?
419
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:03,574
I want to die.
420
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,410
Valeria, I have
to put my foot down!
421
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:09,112
Julian, who are you
to tell a saint what to do?
422
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:11,649
(heavenly music plays)
RUBY:
Right!
423
00:19:11,716 --> 00:19:13,983
You should be dusting
her wings, big guy.
424
00:19:14,051 --> 00:19:17,153
If you wanted her to be excited
about living with a mayor,
425
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,022
how about you
showing some excitement
426
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:20,657
about living with a saint?
427
00:19:20,725 --> 00:19:22,526
Right, Saintie?
428
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,261
VALERIA: God did
choose me, Julian.
429
00:19:24,362 --> 00:19:26,096
He didn't choose you.
430
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:28,198
All set, now.
431
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:30,768
You just keep glowing,
Your Glowness,
432
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:32,736
and we'll make
us a fortune.
433
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,138
(doorbell chiming)
434
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:37,540
Don't you do it, Valeria.
435
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,542
Don't try and stop me, Julian.
436
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:41,144
CHARLOTTE:
Mama, please?
437
00:19:41,212 --> 00:19:43,614
No more of your
"Mama, please," young lady.
438
00:19:43,681 --> 00:19:46,783
I believe I have
a more important mission in life
439
00:19:46,851 --> 00:19:50,386
than to listen to your weeny
whinings about being a mayor,
440
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:52,489
and your twirling
a baton.
441
00:19:52,556 --> 00:19:55,158
I should be healing
the truly oppressed,
442
00:19:55,226 --> 00:19:58,128
walking across the waters
for the world to see.
443
00:19:58,196 --> 00:20:00,130
So you take your petty problems,
444
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:03,267
and you go stick your heads
in the toilet.
445
00:20:06,671 --> 00:20:08,205
Well, you don't...
446
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:11,308
really mean that,
sugar plumps, do you?
447
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:12,943
CHARLOTTE:
You're just being mean,
'cause you don't want
448
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:14,978
to be a saint anymore,
right, Mama?
449
00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:17,547
I am a saint.
450
00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:18,615
(heavenly music fades)
451
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:21,418
My, my, my.
452
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,854
VALERIA: Why is it
so quiet in here?
453
00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:27,290
I've lost my halo of light.
454
00:20:27,358 --> 00:20:31,361
I can't not be a saint now;
I was gonna save the world.
455
00:20:31,429 --> 00:20:33,196
Ruby, what's happening?
456
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:34,964
Well, what you
always wanted, honey--
457
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:36,333
your glow is gone.
458
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,601
And this time for good!
459
00:20:38,669 --> 00:20:41,838
(heavenly music playing)
460
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,943
Oh, my.
461
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:48,045
Ruby...
462
00:20:48,112 --> 00:20:49,579
you are glowing.
463
00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:52,682
(laughs):
You're beautiful!
464
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,385
Holy shmoly!
465
00:20:54,452 --> 00:20:58,255
Nobody told me doing good deeds
was gonna light me up.
466
00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:01,691
My customers
ain't gonna like this at all!
467
00:21:01,759 --> 00:21:05,396
(laughing)
468
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:07,397
(Ruby continues laughing)
469
00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:09,299
RUBY: Ooh!
470
00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:10,767
(Ruby laughing)
471
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:23,413
NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.
472
00:21:23,481 --> 00:21:25,949
Waiting for us to enter.
473
00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:29,319
Waiting to enter us.
474
00:21:29,386 --> 00:21:35,425
Until next time, tryto enjoy the daylight.
42615
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