Original subtitles

[grand orchestral fanfare playing]

[church bell tolling]

[bird calling]

[dog sniffing]

[chair creaking]

[train whistle blowing]

[gasps]

[train chugging]

[dog yelping]

[boy exclaiming]

- [flower pot crashes] - [gasps]

[train whistle blows]

[surprised exclamations]

[train whistle blows]

Hmm.

[wheezing organ sounds]

Is life boring?

- Dull? - Uh...

Gray? Banal?

Every day...

- so small? - [whimpering]

Have you simply seen it all?

- [dog yelping] - [exciting percussive music]

Well then, roll up!

Roll up! Brave souls of...

circus loving...

[record scratching]

Fresh from our sellout world tour.

The most stomach-churning,

brain-blowing, eyeball-bursting show on Earth!

- ♪ Are you ready for monsters? - ♪ Monster, monster ♪

- ♪ Do you have the guts? ♪ - ♪ Do you have the guts? ♪

- ♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪ - ♪ Monsters ♪

♪ Aren't you scared you'll go nuts? ♪

♪ Think you'll go nuts? ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters that'll drive you insane? ♪

♪ That'll turn your legs to jelly ♪

♪ And then explode your brain? ♪

♪ Your ears will pop, your heart will stop ♪

♪ But still they entertain! ♪

♪ Your eyes will melt down to your bowels ♪

♪ But sing right through the pain! ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

[people gasp]

Then, behold!

Dr. Horatio Dislocation!

The Human Knot!

[gasping]

Stupid leg!

Oh... that hurts.

[dog whimpers]

Brace your breeches for Mademoiselle Miranda Cassandra!

She sees your future!

- I see! - [people gasp]

Heart disease. Stroke.

Kidney failure. Oh, drowning.

[gulps]

Well done!

[whimpers]

And now,

Taj and Tej, the titanium twins!

They walk over burning, broken glass!

[twins screaming]

Oh, cruel, cruel nature!

Come closer if you can stand it!

Just sixpence a stare!

But try not to be sick on my shoes.

- I'm stuck! - My contact lens!

You owe me three months' wages!

[sighs] I'm a failure.

I'm broke.

A lifelong career in the scaring people business ends here.

Why can't I have a hit?

ARABELLA: Not scary enough.

People around here are already frightened

of something much scarier.

Scarier?

What could possibly be scarier?

♪ ♪

Castle Grotteskew.

No human has ever set foot there.

For none would return alive.

[gulps]

They say there's monsters in there.

[man gasps]

♪ ♪

Arabella! Come inside, right now!

Oh, Nan!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Live! Live! Live!

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

It's-- it's not ready.

Just need another moment here.

- [buzzing] - Initiate the sequence.

[beeping]

[maniacal laughter]

I need the tongs.

No, no, the electrodes.

Professor! You'll overload the system.

♪ ♪

Uh...

And now engage the animator.

It's rusted!

Rusted? [chuckles]

[alarm sounding]

The animator!

Ooh. It's going to explode!

[panting]

Ooh! It's going to explode.

[steam whistling]

PROFESSOR: It's not fair!

♪ ♪

Engage the-- [yelping]

[grunting, screaming]

Oh!

[machine whirring]

[gasps softly]

Almost Life.

Almost Life.

[belch]

[roaring]

- We did it! - I did it!

- [items crashing] - Welcome to Almost Life.

Registered trademark, patents pending.

[exclaims]

- [Creature roaring] - PROFESSOR: Ooh!

Gosh, quite high. [chuckles]

[yelling]

PROFESSOR: Okay, a little bit--

[sharp whistle]

Hmm?

- Oh! Look at that. - [excited roaring]

Oh! Top notch.

Cheese!

My greatest crea-- ooh! No, no, no. Wait.

Oh, I say. Magnificent!

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

Mwah!

♪ ♪

Welcome to Almost Life.

Registered trademark, patents pending.

You may be feeling some side effects, including dizziness,

faulty vision, itching, constipation,

restless legs, uncontrollable spasms,

and a tendency to monster rampages.

[Creature exclaiming]

Avoid swimming, driving, or operating heavy machinery.

[shoes screeching]

Uh? [gasps]

[yelling]

[shouting]

You may want to close your eye.

Huh?

[yelling]

Oh.

[screams]

Huh.

[exclaims, shouts]

Uh...

[yelping]

Oh! [sighing]

[nervous muttering]

Welcome to Castle Grotteskew.

[machine whirring]

Oh. Mm...

Uh?

- [jaunty music plays] - Oh.

NARRATOR: Almost Life in Castle Grotteskew.

An introduction.

[epic orchestral music plays]

BOY: You are a monster.

You want to be monstrous. It's in your nature.

But monstrousness is dangerous.

Monstrousness makes noise.

Monstrousness attracts attention.

Below the castle is a town.

No monster has ever set foot there,

for none would return alive.

Know what townsfolk hate?

Monsters.

Too much monstrousness,

and the townsfolk will form an angry mob,

storm the castle and burn it to the ground.

Any monstrousness, be it just the smallest howl...

[tiny howl]

...will mean angry mobs,

castle storming, and burning to the ground.

[stones smashing]

[townsfolk chattering]

- You are a monster. - [whimpering]

You want to be monstrous?

Don't.

Stay hidden.

Stay quiet.

Stay safe.

[triumphant music plays]

[gasps]

[pulleys squeaking]

Feel like any more monster rampages?

No!

[beeping]

- [yelling] - [thuds]

Oh! Are you an angry mob?

Are you going to burn me to the ground?

Whoa!

- No. - Oh, phew!

That was close.

This way.

CREATURE: Whoa.

Is this a castle?

Oh! I've never been in a castle.

To be honest, I can't remember having been anywhere.

That's normal when you're woken to Almost Life.

I'll show you around.

Oh, yes.

A tour of the castle.

I love tours almost as much as I love castles.

At least I think I do.

♪ We live in a castle ♪

♪ We live in a castle ♪

♪ We, me and you, we both live in a castle ♪

♪ We live in a castle, a very big castle ♪

You're my bestest best friend ever.

I knew that as soon as you said you weren't going to

burn me to the ground, which is really weird,

because I don't even know your name.

- Stitch Head. - And if you don't tell me,

I'm going to have to call you... Stitch Head or something.

- Stitch Head. - Come to think of it,

I don't even know my own name.

- Stitch Head. - No.

It would be very confusing if we're both called Stitch Head.

My name is Stitch Head.

I knew you'd like it.

Pleased to meet you, Stitch Head.

My name is...

Oh.

Gordon, Graham, Garin, Gary,

Gazza, Gonzo, Garfield, Galahad...

Gwyneth?

Golgogot, Gorgonzola...

Master dungeon with en suite latrine.

- This is where you sleep. - Oh.

[excited gasp]

- [switch clicks] - [gasping]

[screams] Help!

We're going to be eaten.

I don't want to be eaten.

I'm only...

23 minutes old.

This is... Creature.

Creature? Oh.

- Creature. - Creature.

These are the monsters.

Oi.

So not an angry mob?

ALL: An angry mob?!

[screaming, barking]

No. Not an angry mob.

Right-o.

Bedtime, everyone.

The sun'll be up soon.

[groaning]

MONSTER: Has anyone seen my light?

[overlapping chatter]

[babbling]

[relaxed muttering]

♪ ♪

[squeaky voice]: Story.

"And so, by staying quiet and out of sight,

"the monsters were safe.

"And the angry mob never came

"to burn their castle to the ground.

And that's how they almost lived happily ever after."

♪ ♪

Sleep tight.

[yawning]

[snoring, yawning]

[contented sigh]

- Stitch Head? - Yes?

Um...

Where do I come from?

Are there, uh...

mummy monsters and daddy monsters, and do they, uh...

Uh...

[whispering]

You don't believe that, do you?

[giggling]

I guess you're old enough to know.

48 minutes.

Well, what's the first thing you remember?

Oof, so long ago.

[gasps] A laboratory.

A mad laboratory.

Oh! The maddest mad laboratory I've ever seen.

I think.

And who was in it?

[gasps] You!

Apart from me.

A mad professor!

The mad professor.

He made you.

He awoke you to Almost Life.

You and all the other monsters here.

[gasps] All of them?

Even... you?

I...

I was the professor's very first creation.

Wow! The very first!

Hey, I bet the professor totally loves you!

Well, actually, the professor--

He's very busy, with all his patents pending and so on.

I'm not even sure he knows who I am.

But... but that's sad.

I feel sad.

It doesn't feel nice.

Well, good night.

- MONSTER: Night. Night. - [babbling]

MONSTER 2: Sleep tight, Stitch Head.

MONSTER 3: All right, Stitch Head.

[monsters chatting]

MONSTER 4: We love you, Stitch Head!

[Professor muttering]

It's very good. Oh, yes.

Very good, one of my best.

[chuckling] Oh!

Good night, Professor.

[gasps] What if the knees were connected to the ears?

Yes!

No. No, no, no, no.

Oops, this is a bit of an ankle.

That's all it is. That's all it is.

It's not a problem. It's an opportunity, so...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[bell tolling]

No--

[gasps]

[gasping]

[monsters exclaiming]

[chuckling] Bong!

What's that, Stitch Head?

It's coming from the great door!

- There's someone there! - Someone outside!

Oh, that's nice.

No, it's not!

- No one ever comes! - Ever!

Not in any of our almost lives!

It's here!

What?

An angry...

Just everyone stay calm.

[door opens and closes]

...mob.

- No! - [monsters screaming]

Shh! No noise. Remember?

Oh, right.

- My bad. - [babbles]

[monsters chittering]

[bell tolling]

Mm?

♪ ♪

[panting]

[gulps]

And good morning to you!

Fulbert Freakfinder at your service

with my traveling carnival of unnatural wonders,

of which you have undoubtedly heard!

Never has a sight more terrifying

been seen by a human eye.

No visitors.

FREAKFINDER: Oh.

♪ ♪

Now I know people could be cruel.

Why, as even folks down in Guggers Munchkin says,

there's a monster in this here castle!

[hearty laugh]

But as I always say,

one person's monster

is another's poor, misunderstood creature,

cursed by cruel fate to look just a teeny weeny bit...

- [yelling] - ...odd!

MIRANDA: Let them down, good.

Come on!

And one person's hideous disfigurement

is another man's business opportunity!

[wind whistling]

And so I was wondering...

...whether we could have a chat...

[ladder creaking]

...about careers in the entertainment industry!

DOCTOR DISLOCATION: Boss! It hurts!

Shh! It's coming!

Ooh, it's never gonna work!

Please hurry up!

My groin!

Ow!

- Quiet! - [Doctor Dislocation groaning]

[breath quivering]

FREAKFINDER: Towards the walls!

Oh, there you are, my dear.

Other way! Other way!

Ah! Lovely day for it! No, no, left!

My left! The other left!

[whimpering]

Coming!

Gah!

I say...

Wouldn't mind giving me a bit of a hand, would you?

[muffled]: No visitors.

Ah! Um... sorry?

No visitors.

Please, excuse me.

It's me. Not you!

Speak it your way!

[yelping]

♪ ♪

- [gasps] - [heavenly choir singing]

No visitors.

But my dear boy...

You're...

hideous!

They'd... love you!

Love you!

MIRANDA: I told you so!

Love you! Love you!

[thuds]

DOCTOR DISLOCATION: Doesn't hurt!

- [thuds] - I'm fine!

- [thuds] - Ow...

FREAKFINDER [echoes]: Love you...

[gasps]

[gasping, shouting]

[yelping, whimpering]

CREATURE: And? Was it an angry mob?

Did they want to burn down the castle?

Are we all gonna die?!

No. No, they'd... love me.

I mean, just go back to bed.

There's something I need to check.

Oof!

[panting]

♪ ♪

[faint barking]

♪ ♪

[gasps softly]

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- You did it! - Did what?

Oh, wait till the professor finds out!

He's gonna really love you now!

PROFESSOR: Live, live!

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

- See? He's busy. - So what?

You saved the castle!

He won't pay attention.

All right. I've got a plan. Don't worry.

I've put all my brainpower into it.

Oh.

I call it...

- [yelling] - Dingle-Dangle!

Transformers!

- A simple spanner. - Professor!

It's Stitch Head!

- Electrodes! - Your first ever creation!

He loves you!

♪ ♪

Initiate the sequence. Ah!

And now, engage the animator!

Just talk to him!

- Whoa! - [grunting]

Oh!

[shouting]

[belch]

[roaring]

Oh...

Professor?

Oh, my goodness.

You?

There was a man, at the gate, and...

and he wanted me to join the circus.

And he said people would love me.

He said people would love me, but I said no.

And I made him go away.

Because you need me here, right?

But I had no idea.

I never imagined.

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

And I really mean it this time.

Oh, you are a beauty, aren't you?

[glass shatters]

♪ ♪

Oh!

[roaring]

Stitch Head! The monster!

He's going on a monster rampage!

That's what usually happens.

Someone has to stop it before he destroys the whole castle!

I'd better show you how, then.

Me?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Ha! Oh!

Welcome to Almost Life.

Registered trademark.

Patents pending.

- Oh, no! - You may be feeling...

You may be feeling...

Disorientation, restless leg--

- Mirror. - Dizziness? Ow.

- Trapdoor. - Headaches? Ow!

[yelling]

[snarls]

[shouts]

Monster wash.

- [shouting] - [crashing]

The controls are pretty obvious.

They are?

Oh, help!

Stitch Head!

Little-- [blubbering]

Stitch-- Stitch Head...

Make sure they see the film.

And don't forget to rewind.

[monster video playing faintly]

BOY: You are a monster.

You want to be monstrous.

[Creature shouting]

BOY: But monstrousness is dangerous.

Monstrousness makes noise.

Monstrousness attracts attention.

♪ ♪

[air blowing]

FREAKFINDER: They'll love you!

I'm here! This way!

I want to come with you!

Come on board, my boy!

♪ ♪

Take my hand!

Up, Mimi, up!

- Stitch Head! - Jump!

[babbling]

[clears throat]

Mm?

[grunts]

- Oh! - [babbling]

[screaming]

Stitch Head!

Oh, whoa!

["Blue Danube Waltz" by J. Strauss plays]

Mama!

So predictable.

Ah!

- Ah! - Stitch Head!

[group screaming]

DOCTOR DISLOCATION: How's that?

No!

Whoa!

- Oh! - Don't look!

♪ ♪

- No! - [both screaming]

- Uh... - Oh!

- Hey! - Bang on!

FEMALE MONSTER: Well done!

♪ ♪

[shouting]

[group yelling]

- [grunts] - [fire roaring]

[group yelling, groaning]

[screaming]

More power!

I'm giving her all she's got!

Uh...

You have to let go.

No.

[string twanging]

[gasps]

["Blue Danube Waltz" playing gently]

♪ ♪

- It's bedtime! - The sun is coming up!

And Stitch Head isn't here!

- No! - [clamoring]

We don't know what to do!

And so, by staying quiet,

and out of sight, the monsters were safe.

[Brahms' "Lullaby" playing]

But then, Stitch Head left for the town.

So now, it's only a matter of time

before the angry mob comes to burn their castle to the ground.

And then they won't almost live happily ever after, ever again.

[crying]

Sorry.

So, are we just meant to huddle here

clutching each other in pure terror?

Um, yeah?

Good plan.

[bed rattles]

[screaming]

FREAKFINDER: Don't let anybody see him.

♪ ♪

NAN: We'll have none of that.

But they came from the castle.

And they've got someone with them.

Nothing good can come from the castle.

It's full of monsters.

Oh, give me those.

Maybe they're friendly!

Oh, that's what they want you to think.

They want you to lower your guard for just one minute,

and then, boom!

They'll be in. Your. Brain!

[sighs]

All for your own protection.

But they think it's for theirs, you see?

[chuckles] Show business, my boy.

Don't worry.

They'll love you.

[lock clicks]

Good sir, would you not care to see something horrific?

Something to steal your sanity and your bladder control?

- Mm-mm. - Fair lady!

So, how does profit share actually work?

We'll never make it back.

It doesn't count if you predict things that are obvious.

Would you not care to blight your lovely eyes forever

with one brief glimpse of a thing

most horrid and foul?

All my savings went into that balloon.

All of our savings!

I'll make it cheaper, just for you.

- Sixpence. - Get off me.

Tuppence? All right, a penny.

That's my final offer.

Why should I?

Why? Why?

Because it's from the castle.

The... castle?

That castle?

[gasps]

Castle...

[stammering] Grotteskew?

The very same.

- I can't sleep. - I'm scared.

- Turn the light on. - It is on.

You've got your eyes shut.

Where's Stitch Head?

This is all my fault.

I did the Dingle-Dangle and that's why Stitch Head left.

So I must go down to the town and rescue him.

[all gasping]

But the townsfolk!

The angry mob!

Aren't you scared?

Nope.

Well, yes.

But Stitch Head is my bestest best friend ever

and rescuing is what best friends do.

Right, showtime!

But, I...

I look...

DOCTOR DISLOCATION: Ready to go?

Where's the show?

FREAKFINDER: They'll scream.

And that's the idea!

The artist...

holds a mirror up to beauty.

Someone's going to get impatient out here.

The public doesn't even stop to glance.

Have you got the monster in there or not?

But...

♪ Show them something frightful ♪

♪ The reaction's quite delightful ♪

I want my money back!

♪ They'll be queuing for an eyeful ♪

♪ And they'll ♪

♪ Scream ♪

You can't keep me here against my will.

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Oh, nothing quite delivers ♪

♪ Like the good old-fashioned shivers ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ If you want them all to love you ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em choke, make 'em gag ♪

♪ And success is in the bag ♪

♪ There's nothing quite as gorgeous ♪

♪ As an audience that's nauseous ♪

♪ If you want them all to love you ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Wake their ♪

♪ Primitive responses from deep down in their unconscious ♪

♪ Outrage, sicken and disgust 'em ♪

♪ Gross 'em out and maladjust 'em ♪

♪ Break all their taboos and you'll make the evening news ♪

♪ With rave reviews, a million views ♪

♪ And make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Give 'em terror, give 'em horror ♪

♪ Give 'em Sodom and Gomorrah ♪

♪ Make 'em jump, make 'em spook ♪

♪ If you can, then make 'em puke ♪

♪ If you want them all to love you ♪

♪ Make 'em ♪

♪ Scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream! ♪

Was that all part of the show?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

We're just warming up.

But what am I meant to do?

- TAJ: Roar! - Do a handstand!

Wave your arms.

From the back of the throat.

Oh, wave your legs.

And then do another handstand.

Let your eyes reflect the sheer futility of mortal existence.

Nothing.

Just be yourself.

Get in here!

[gulps]

FREAKFINDER: Prepare for the worst!

The ghastly, the grotesque,

the Ghoul of Grotteskew!

[playing "Also sprach Zarathustra, Op. 30"]

[gasps]

[screaming]

[distant screaming]

Ladies, we've got a winner.

[liquid dripping]

Get a mop, Horace.

[gulps]

But what will you do if a human sees you?

- Run away! - Dig a hole!

- Curl into a ball. - Yes!

No, I have a plan.

[all gasping]

Not to be noticed in the first place.

Ooh.

I will flit, catlike, from one shadow to the next.

Invisible, silent, unseen.

He's my hero.

Are you ready for the equipment?

Ready.

♪ ♪

[clanking, squeaking]

[yelps]

STEVE: Wait!

Wash bag.

♪ ♪

[Owggagoffakkookkk babbles]

[blowing nose]

WOODLOUSE: And the camouflage.

♪ ♪

[door clanging]

Any last words?

CREATURE [muffled]: I will return with Stitch Head,

or I will not return at all.

Sorry, what?

[louder, still muffled]: I will return with Stitch Head,

or I will not return at all.

No, sorry, not quite catching that.

I will return with--

Just open the gate, Steve.

[gate clanking]

♪ ♪

So brave.

Very brave.

Very, very brave.

He's toast.

Yeah, doesn't stand a chance.

Is it okay if we shut the gate now

before an angry mob comes in?

[gate clanking]

♪ ♪

[whooping]

[quietly]: Hi-ya.

Hi-ya!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[grunting]

- [grunting] - [clanking]

- [balloon squeaking] - Whoa!

[brief shout]

[heavy thud]

[groaning]

Hmm. Ah.

[humming]

FREAKFINDER [distantly]: The Ghoul of Grotteskew!

- [distant screaming] - [gasps]

- FREAKFINDER: Next! - [shuddering gasp]

[gulps]

[inhales sharply]

- [screaming] - And the next, please.

Arabella, you are not seeing that.

Oh, Nan!

The Ghoul of Grotteskew.

A shilling.

TEJ: Ticket, please.

Enjoy the show.

Next, please.

- The Ghoul of Grotteskew. - [screaming]

FREAKFINDER: And the next, please.

ARABELLA: Scuse me.

- Ticket, please. - Arabella!

Next, please.

- TEJ: Ticket. - The Ghoul.

- [screaming] - FREAKFINDER: Next, please.

[gasps, sighs]

- TEJ: Ticket. - [screaming]

FREAKFINDER: Next, please.

NAN: Arabella?

- Nan... - FREAKFINDER: The Ghoul.

[screaming]

NAN: Arabella!

- FREAKFINDER: Grotteskew! - [screaming]

- Next. - Ticket.

Oh.

Scuse me, boss.

- [grunting angrily] - FREAKFINDER: Next!

You can't frighten me.

Nothing frightens me.

No, sir. Of course not, sir.

[scoffs]

[chair squeaking]

High-five.

[screaming]

Don't forget to leave a review!

Oh, you beast.

- Ooh. - [screaming]

- Awoo. - [screaming]

- Arr. - [screaming]

- Ta-da. - [screaming]

- Hey. - [screaming]

[screaming]

- FREAKFINDER: Next! Next! Next! - [screaming]

- FREAKFINDER: Next! Next! - [screaming continues]

Next!

That's it. Last one.

Stitch Head, come on out, my lad.

They love you.

Just like I said.

We've got a hit!

- [laughing] - ♪ ♪

Mwah!

[laughs]

I knew you'd be a star!

Wanna work out sometime?

No, he's working out with me.

[dog barking]

Arabella.

No going out.

The monster's frightful, I tell you.

Frightful!

[lock clicks]

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ ♪

[dog barking]

Shh...

It's okay, Buster.

Quiet. Shh-shh-shh.

[barking]

Shh.

- CREATURE: Good doggie. - [loud chomp]

[Buster barking]

- [knocking] - NAN: It's occupied.

Go away!

NAN: ♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

[flatulence]

I let myself in. That's not weird, is it?

[gasps]

Lolly? I licked it.

That is weird.

[shouting]

ARABELLA: Shh.

Keep quiet or we're both completely dead.

Unless you're dead already, I suppose.

'Cause the Ghoul of Grotteskew makes you sound like a ghost,

but you don't look like a ghost at all.

Ooh.

[groaning]

What's your real name?

[groaning]

Or do they just call you something like "Stitch Head"?

How did you know?

Er, so obvious. Arabella.

[gasps]

You okay?

Don't be scared.

Aren't you scared?

Of course not.

Being scared is stupid.

Then why are you here?

I have questions.

Your name. We did that.

How old are you? Who created you?

Why have you come from the castle, and...

Don't you miss the other monsters?

How do you know about...

I mean, what other monsters?

And how do you know about them if they exist?

Which they don't.

FREAKFINDER: So! Rise and shine, my boy!

We're going to make it bigger, better, scarier than--

[shouts] What's that?

[in slow motion]: No!

[heavy thud]

No peeking without paying! That's a shilling!

Now!

Keep the change.

[exclaims] Right, that's it!

Wait. You haven't screamed.

Ah.

Freak!

♪ ♪

ALL: Ooh.

Rehearsal. Private.

So, our next show, a spectacular to set the world alight.

And what will you do?

- Just be myself. - [Freakfinder gasps]

What?

The same thing as the last show?

I thought they loved me.

They did. Loved.

Loved-d-d. "D-d-d."

Past tense.

Just because they loved you yesterday

doesn't mean that they'll love you again tomorrow,

just like that. [grunts]

Love has to be earned.

Uh, how?

You have to give them more.

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

- ♪ For a freakish romance? ♪ - ♪ For a freakish romance? ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ But you might poop your pants? ♪

♪ Poop your pants ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

Prepare to be terrified...

...by the Ghoul of Grotteskew.

[audience gasping]

But you can call him "Stitch Head."

[Freakfinder cackling]

[whispers]: Your cue...

♪ See, your brain blows up when you see me close up ♪

♪ Lock your kids inside, this is for the grown-ups ♪

♪ I'm so killer, I'm so creepy, turn you paler than tzatziki ♪

♪ Don't you know they call me Stitch Head? ♪

♪ 'Cause I scare myself to pieces ♪

♪ When I say "Stitch," you say "Head" ♪

- Stitch. - Head!

- Stitch! - Head!

♪ Come on, when I say "Stitch," you say "Head"! ♪

- Stitch! Stitch! - Head! Head!

♪ Made of bodies long since dead ♪

- Stitch! Stitch! - Head! Head!

♪ My limbs are hanging by a thread ♪

- Stitch! Stitch! - Head! Head!

♪ So always check beneath your bed ♪

- It's Stitch Head! - So are you hot for monsters?

- We'll sizzle your tongue. - Come on in and sneak a peek.

But not for too long.

Are you hungry for monsters?

Table for one?

Then get ready to freak!

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

Stitch Head T-shirts, posters, signed postcards, mugs,

lunchboxes and commemorative Stitch Head tea towels

are available here!

All at a very reasonable price!

Marvelous, my boy, marvelous!

Carry on like this, and one day all this will be yours!

- TAJ: What, us too? - You're not selling me again!

Three for the price of two

only on the pajama sets, you pea brain!

Stitch Head! Stitch Head!

[yelps]

And now, my boy, look at that!

Ta-da! Do you see?

Yours, all yours!

Well, technically, it's hire purchase, but--

♪ ♪

Ow.

Nothing is too good for my Stitch Head, that's what I say!

But, um, stay away from the windows, hmm?

No pictures unless they're paying, right?

Right.

And remember, no visitors.

Course not.

Enjoy.

FREAKFINDER: What do I always say?

We'll get paid next week?

No! Keep your eyes peeled!

[imitating bird call]

No one goes in or out without my say-so!

[floorboard creaking]

No, no, no, no!

Profit share means--

And who pays for the merch?

Do you think I get 10,000

Stitch Head pajama sets for free?

I have overheads!

Do you even know what overheads are?

So, did you like the show?

They loved me, right?

You think?

You're hurt.

Want a Stitch Head bottle opener?

Who needs a Stitch Head bottle opener?

I know, but they're buying them

just because they have my face on 'em.

If that's not love...

what is?

I don't know.

Something like--

Rescue! Ha-ha!

- Thank goodness you're alone! - [clears throat]

- I-- - Hello!

- [screams] Human! - Shh!

- What was that? - Like I said, an overhead.

That's worth a tenner at least.

- Boy! - Quick!

- Hide! - What about your friend?

In here.

Seriously?

- What's wrong with it? - [knocking]

FREAKFINDER: Is someone in there?

No, it's just me.

Do I need to be more frightening?

Stitch Head, watch out!

Humans!

- Everywhere! - FREAKFINDER: What was that?

Ah! Nothing!

Pleased to meet you.

- Get back! - No visitors!

No one in here!

- Oh! - Oops.

Break it down, boys!

- Hmm. - [neck cracks]

What? What was that noise?

Oh, just working on my monstrousness.

[groans] Any good?

Yes. No.

Very good.

Good night.

No visitors.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Hmm.

Hey!

Nice carpet.

Human!

It... touched me!

- So, what's the plan? - [gasps]

You want fame, fortune, girlfriends?

- [both gasping] - [Tej gulps]

Then guard that caravan.

BOTH: Hmm.

Ooh.

Hmm.

♪ ♪

Get away!

Get away, get away, get away!

What are you doing?

Quick! Now! Push her out the door!

What? No!

Go monsters!

[shouting]

♪ ♪

Uh...

[voice vibrating]: Uh...

♪ ♪

[shouting]

Uh-oh.

["Also sprach Zarathustra" playing]

♪ ♪

[Stitch Head screaming]

ARABELLA: Yeah!

[grunting]

[Creature screaming]

[panting]

[screaming resumes]

- [splashes] - Hmm?

Oh.

[gasping]

Stay dignified.

We could be poor, but happy.

[sobbing]

We lost the caravan.

[both sobbing]

CREATURE: Watch out!

Careful! She's dangerous.

Any minute she'll form an angry mob!

It isn't true.

I got it wrong.

Humans don't form angry mobs.

Humans love me.

But I've come to rescue you.

I know.

And thank you.

But I don't want to be rescued.

But what about all the monsters?

Don't you think it's time they learnt to look after themselves?

And... what about me?

You love castles, remember?

Goodbye.

Could you take me back to the circus, please?

No following.

CREATURE: Goodbye.

Bestest best friend.

♪ ♪

[gasping]

- Stitch Head? - Stitch Head?

- [bicycle bell dings] - Stitch Head?

- Sign this, please! - Stitch Head!

- I want a selfie! - [crowd murmuring]

I love your work so much.

Oh, Stitch Head, I'm your biggest fan!

He's so dreamy!

- Stitch Head! - Stitch Head!

[screaming]

Stitch Head!

Come with me.

There's something you need to see.

But my fans...

NAN: Arabella?

- Shh. - NAN: You're staying in.

The monster's on the streets.

You know what I told you?

If he sees you, he'll eat you!

Right, I'm off to get an autograph.

[exhales]

Hmm.

♪ ♪

How did you...

I sneak out and I peek.

It's completely not allowed.

Are they any good?

Well, Ermintrude's only got six legs.

And Shelley's more orange than brown.

But yes, they're good.

Very good.

And who's that, then?

Oh, that's just Creature.

Came to rescue you?

He thinks he's my bestest best friend ever.

And is he?

He doesn't understand.

People love me.

♪ ♪

- [crowd shouting distantly] - Really?

[clamoring]

I love you, Stitch Head! Stitch Head!

Looks like it to me.

[trumpet playing somber tune]

[sobbing]

♪ ♪

Artistes. The talent.

[snorts] Ha!

Always the same.

However good the trailer is, it's never enough.

Fine. Trash the trailer.

Go it on your own.

Have your "solo career"!

[scoffs] You think you'd do it better without me?

Well, just you wait and see.

I made you.

I took you in.

I treated you like my own child!

And this is how you thank me?

He could come to me

on bended knee!

I wouldn't take him back in a thousand years.

- [muffled groan] - Shh.

[gasps]

You've come back?

And you'll play the next show?

Mm.

The most mind-blowing, stomach-churning,

trouser-messing show on Earth?

- [growls] - Yes!

We're gonna be rich!

I'll make you famous like you'd never believe!

Before an audience of thousands!

A show that redefines the limits of the monstrous,

the bizarre, and the grotesque.

Tonight, Rubbers Duggin.

Tomorrow, the capitals of the world!

Playing for the great and the good, the kings and queens,

for adoring millions!

They are going to love you!

[quiet chatter]

[drumroll]

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the show that will braise your brain,

gut your stomach, and burst your bladder.

Are you ready to confront your deepest fears?

- Yes! - Ready to plunge

into the black abyss of horror that is the unknown?

- Yes! - [cheering]

Are you ready for monsters?

[cheering]

Then behold a dramatic reconstruction

in painstaking historic detail.

The capture of the Ghoul of Grotteskew.

[audience gasping]

♪ ♪

[cheering]

Behold above the castle grim,

and there behind its windows dim

there lurks and howls in primitive sin

the gruesome Ghoul of Grotteskew.

[audience gasping]

See his mouth besmirched with blood.

There remains no doubt of children good

who simply had not understood

in Grotteskew, do not set foot.

[Stitch Head burps]

It's not a friendly neighborhood.

- [laughter] - Hmm.

But lo, here comes a hero brave,

Fulbert Freakfinder, here to save

this wretched beast from the living grave

that is the Castle Grotteskew.

- [whispers]: "Never." - Never!

FREAKFINDER: But Fulbert, hero unafraid,

knows this savage must be saved.

Put on display, put on the stage,

not rot in Castle Grotteskew.

Oh, he's so dreamy.

He takes his lasso, throws it long,

he snares the Ghoul, but forces strong

hold back the beast.

- It's all gone wrong! - [gasping]

- Huh? - "Chain hands now."

FREAKFINDER: The beast resists,

the beast fights back.

And one by one,

- his stitches snap. - [audience gasps]

[groaning]

- [stitches snapping] - Help.

You say, "No, no! I will not go!"

No, no! Ow!

- No! - [screaming]

- Don't you think we should-- - No, he's fine.

Oh.

[shouting]

Hold on, lad, they're loving it.

- [straining] - Jump, Mimi!

No! [shouting]

After a brief interval in which you are welcome to purchase

our attractively priced refreshments in the foyer,

you shall witness how I, Fulbert Freakfinder,

sew Stitch Head back together.

[audience cheering]

But first, prepare for churned stomachs,

exploded minds and whittled seats

as Stitch Head's stitches

are torn apart!

[audience cheering]

No!

No!

No!

Monster!

- Humans! - [screaming]

[gasps]

[screaming]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

- Stitch Head! - Creature!

[screaming]

[sizzles]

[screaming]

Oh!

Stitch Head!

[both screaming]

[Arabella gasps]

[Stitch Head and Creature screaming]

[crowd screaming]

[Creature panting]

This way! Go!

- Ah! - [crowd screaming]

Humans!

[Creature shouts]

[gasps]

Arabella!

You know that thing?

Yes! He is a creature of Grotteskew!

And he's Stitch Head's bestest friend!

And he's come to rescue him and take him back to Grotteskew

where he and all the other monsters are safe!

"Other monsters"?

Yes! They've all been awoken to Almost Life

by the Mad Professor, but they all live peacefully

in the castle, and there's nothing you can do about it!

TAJ: Boss! The circus!

DOCTOR DISLOCATION: The caravans!

MIRANDA: The balloon!

Forget about all that.

We've just landed the jackpot!

- [woman screaming] - [Creature screaming]

What about Arabella?

She's a human!

- [man screaming] - [Creature screaming]

What does she need to be afraid of?

The castle's that way!

But you don't want to go back to the castle.

The monsters have to look after themselves!

I think I changed my mind.

[gasps] You did?

[Stich Head whistling]

- [townsfolk screaming] - [Creature screaming]

On balance, this does feel better.

FREAKFINDER: People of Guggers Nuffin!

People of Duffers Noggin!

Oi!

♪ ♪

[townsfolk gasp]

You are afraid.

- Deeply afraid! - I am.

But the time has come

to throw off your fear.

Too long have you been intimidated!

Too long have you trembled in terror!

Too long have you lived in the shadow...

of monstrosity!

[townsfolk gasp]

But now,

the abominations of Grotteskew have gone too far.

They have crossed a line!

They have kidnapped

a little girl.

[somber piano music playing]

[screams]

Oh.

Arabella! [sobbing]

But there is still a chance that she still lives!

- Up there! - [townsfolk gasp]

In Castle Grotteskew!

[townsfolk growling]

People of...

...whatever this place is called.

The time has come!

The time to form an angry mob!

[vacuum whirring]

[Nan grunting]

Off you go then.

[townsfolk shouting]

[muffled grunting]

You are mean! You are evil! You--

And you are very inconvenient.

- Back in the sack, boys. - TAJ: Come here.

But isn't it a bit off?

Oh, don't be such moaning Minnies.

The castle is full of monsters,

and you know what monsters mean?

- Uh... - [Arabella grunting]

Money, you morons!

Monsters mean money!

- [thud] - CREATURE: Oh, sorry.

- [thud] - CREATURE: Sorry.

[loud thud]

CREATURE: These woods are very dark.

[gasping]

It's Creature! And he has got Stitch Head!

He has rescued Stitch Head!

Open the gates!

[Tiny wailing]

Friend!

We made it!

- You did it! - You did it!

And, you didn't die!

Wow!

I'm sorry.

I should never have left the castle.

Why did you go, Stitch Head?

I just wanted to be loved.

But we love you.

We always loved you!

[babbling]

Exactly!

You're my bestest best friend, remember?

[Stitch Head sniffling]

ALL: Aw.

So cute.

[clears throat] Don't want to interrupt

if you're having a moment here, but, um...

[screaming]

[train whistle blowing]

Burn the castle!

- An angry mob! - [babbles]

- Close the gates! - [grunting]

[townsfolk shouting]

- Run away! - Run away!

- [gurgled screaming] - [babbles]

- Huh? - Run away!

[Nan laughing]

Attack!

[townsfolk grunting]

FREAKFINDER: Forward!

[Nan laughing maniacally]

[monsters screaming]

Stop!

ALL: Huh?

We are monsters.

And if I learnt anything down in that town,

it's that people are afraid of monsters.

Don't you mean that the other way around?

No!

If humans were afraid of me,

how are they going to react to Alice?

Huh?

Aw.

Well, I find that rather insensitive.

This is no time for hurt feelings!

This is time to let out your monstrousness!

What monstrousness?

You are monsters!

You want to be monstrous.

It's in your nature!

Huh?

Just be whoever you'd be if you weren't afraid!

- [door banging] - [gasping]

[loud thud]

- [monsters gasping] - But Stitch Head.

- [loud thud] - We are afraid!

[Nan growling]

[monsters gasping]

Monsters!

[monsters gasping]

[townsfolk shouting]

[monsters screaming]

[townsfolk screaming]

[monsters screaming]

[townsfolk screaming]

[monsters screaming]

[townsfolk screaming]

[monsters screaming]

[townsfolk screaming]

[Nan laughing]

- Don't be frightened! - Run away!

- [townsfolk shouting] - [Nan laughing]

[whirring]

[Stitch Head grunting]

- [grunting] - [Stitch Head gasping]

[laughing]

Oh?

- [townsfolk grunting] - [Nan laughing]

[monsters screaming]

[Stitch Head grunting]

[monsters screaming]

- [townsfolk clamoring] - Ah.

[Nan laughing]

Ooh! I love me when I'm angry!

[Nan shouting]

Whoa.

[Nan growling]

We've got you now!

[gentle music playing]

[monsters shouting]

[grunting]

[monsters screaming]

[townsfolk growling]

[monsters shuddering]

Let's finish this.

[townsfolk growling]

[monsters gasp]

[monsters gasping louder]

Ah!

[projector clicking]

[gasping]

[reversed garbled speech]

Huh?

[reversed garbled speech]

Ah.

[reversed garbled speech]

Oh.

[reversed garbled speech]

[gasps softly]

[gulps]

It's monster time.

[dings]

[townsfolk screaming]

- [Steve shouting] - [man screaming]

- [Creature shouting] - [townsfolk screaming]

- [gargled grunting] - [Nan screaming]

[townsfolk screaming]

[monsters shouting]

- [townsfolk screaming] - [monsters yelling]

This is fun!

[townsfolk screaming]

Can't we just go back to the old show?

Never, you losers! Sack!

Boss, you're never gonna catch monsters like that.

I don't need monsters.

Just like I don't need you! [laughing]

All I need is the monster-maker.

- Help! - Oh, don't be such a baby.

[Tej grunting and groaning]

- [Doctor Dislocation growling] - Freeze!

Or I'll bite his ear off!

Wait a minute!

[townsfolk groaning]

I thought you'd been kidnapped by this lot.

By the monsters? Pah!

We can explain.

Can we?

Mm-hmm.

PROFESSOR: Live! Live!

You will be my greatest creation ever!

♪ ♪

[electricity sparking]

[Professor laughing]

[door slams]

What?

What on earth are you doing? You can't walk into a-- Oh?

Professor? Fulbert Freakfinder,

your greatest fan.

And your new employer!

[Freakfinder chuckling]

STITCH HEAD: Not so fast, Freakfinder!

You?

Dingle-Dangle!

You've got talent, Stitch Head.

Come with me!

Never!

Eek!

[Freakfinder growling]

The Professor never loved you.

Or you'd never have left the castle, would you?

No!

[Freakfinder yelping]

Pull!

Whoa!

[Freakfinder chuckling]

He's getting away!

Pull harder!

[Freakfinder babbling]

[Freakfinder yelping]

Harder!

[Creature grunting]

Think what you're giving up, Stitch Head.

A new monster each week! To do with as we please!

Harder!

But, Stitch Head! Your stitches!

Audiences would love us!

That's not love!

Then what is?

Harder!

[Creature grunts]

[machine whirring]

Yes!

[growling]

Oh.

So, you see, I wasn't kidnapped by the monsters,

I was kidnapped by the Freaks!

[townsfolk gasping]

We-- Er-- Yeah.

Our bad.

I feel very awkward.

So? What are you going to do now?

Run away?

- MAN: Hide? - Blame somebody else?

No! You are going to say sorry!

Now!

Oh.

Right.

Sorry about the whole angry mob thing.

Oh, it's fine. Don't mention it.

Everyone makes mistakes.

[babbles]

And shake hands!

Like you mean it!

["All Out of Love" by Air Supply playing]

So, where did that Freakfinder get to, then?

[distant yelling]

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ What am I without you? ♪

♪ I can't be too late ♪

♪ I know I was so wrong ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ What am I without you? ♪

♪ I can't be too late ♪

♪ I know I was so wrong ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right. ♪

[balloon squeaking]

Huh. Fair enough.

[rumbling]

[Arabella gasps]

♪ ♪

You will always be...

...my bestest best friend.

Stitch Head.

Stitch Head?

PROFESSOR: Stitch Head.

Yes. Yes.

I called you Stitch Head.

[Tiny clears throat]

And you called me Tiny.

Geoff.

[gurgles]: Ermintrude.

Mary.

Shelley.

Barney.

- Woodlouse. - Woodlouse.

Pigbutt.

Skaterdog?

- [Skaterdog barking] - Frank?

- Rhinodino? - [Rhinodino growling]

- Octochicken? - [Octochicken clucking]

- Owggagoffakkookkk. - Oh.

PROFESSOR: And Steve.

Hello.

And this is Creature.

You...

...made us.

I... I did.

And I made Stitch Head.

Look at the state of him!

This won't do at all.

Pass me needle and thread. I'll need the number five.

And hurry up. We haven't got all day.

You...

...were my very first creation.

Did you hear that, Stitch Head?

He said you...

I know. And you...

are my bestest best friend ever.

[drumroll]

[air horn blaring]

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

["Are You Ready for Monsters" by Sway Clarke, Steve Hudson]

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪

♪ You got the guts ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Say you rolling with us ♪

♪ Rolling with us ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ We can show you the moves ♪

♪ Show you the moves ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ 'Cause we scared of you too ♪

♪ Scared of you too ♪

TINY: Ey, move, move, move.

Watch out, it's me, it's Tiny, eh!

♪ We nah wan fi bother you ♪

♪ We nah wan fi clobber you ♪

♪ Come and do an interview ♪

♪ You gon' see We're super cool ♪

♪ We're the ones that's scared of you ♪

♪ We'll put on our dinner suit ♪

♪ Yeah, we're vegan, what are you ♪

♪ I'm hungry, can we order food ♪

♪ All we wanna do is play play ♪

♪ Our castle's just a little gray gray ♪

♪ Can I get a little hey hey ♪

♪ 'Cause we can live together, baby ♪

ARABELLA: Hold on, hold on. Yo, yo. Where's Tiny at?

- Where's Tiny at? - TINY: Right here. Eh!

♪ Game over, game over, freaky little takeover ♪

♪ Wait, hold up, Tej gonna play it like he's Beethoven ♪

♪ You know and they know we ain't gotta say so ♪

♪ When croc take a poop ♪

♪ Ooh, it's bigger than a Range Rover ♪

♪ We ain't gotta fight now ♪

♪ Different is the new black ♪

♪ I'm-a tell you right now ♪

♪ I'm anxious, where's my Prozac? ♪

♪ If you got a tough rash or you've got a moustache ♪

♪ Everyone's a monster and we love it ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪

♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Say you rolling with us ♪

♪ Say you rolling with us ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ We can show you the moves ♪

♪ Show you the moves ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ 'Cause we scared of you too ♪

♪ We're scared of you too ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey, DJ ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ M-M-Monster, mon ♪

♪ Mon-Monster ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ Huh ♪

[maniacal laughter]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[奏響宏偉的管弦樂號角聲]

[敎堂鐘聲]

[鳥鳴聲]

[狗嗅聞聲]

[椅子吱嘎作響]

[火車汽笛聲]

[倒抽一口氣]

[火車隆隆駛過]

[狗吠聲]

[男孩驚呼]

- [花盆摔碎的聲音] - [倒吸一口氣]

[火車汽笛聲]

[驚訝的感嘆聲]

[火車汽笛聲]

唔。

[風琴嘶嘶聲]

生活很無聊嗎？

無聊嗎？呃…

灰闇？平庸？

每天...

這麼小？ ——（嗚咽）

你是不是已經什麼都見識過了？

- [狗吠聲] - [激動人心的打擊樂]

那好，快來！

快來！勇敢的靈魂們…

熱愛馬戲團…

[唱片刮擦聲]

我們剛結束場場爆滿的世界巡迴馬戲團表演。

最令人作嘔，

地球上最震撼人心、最令人瞠目結舌的演出！

- ♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ - ♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

- ♪ 你有膽量嗎？ ♪ - ♪ 你有膽量嗎？ ♪

- ♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪ - ♪ 怪物 ♪

♪ 你不怕自己會發瘋嗎？ ♪

♪ 你覺得你會瘋掉嗎？ ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接那些會讓你發瘋的怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 這會讓你雙腿發軟 ♪

然後讓你的大腦爆炸？ ♪

♪ 你的耳朶會嗡嗡作響，你的心臟會停止跳動 ♪

♪ 但他們仍能帶來歡樂！ ♪

♪你的眼睛會融化到你的腸子裡♪

♪ 但要忍著痛苦繼續唱歌！ ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

[人們倒吸一口涼氣]

然後，看！

霍雷肖•迪斯洛特博士！

人類之結！

[喘息]

笨腿！

喔……好痛。

[狗嗚咽聲]

準備好迎接米蘭達卡桑德拉小姐吧！

她看到了你的未來！

我明白了！ ——（眾人倒吸一口氣）

心臟病.中風.

腎衰竭。哦，溺水。

[咕咚]

做得好！

[嗚咽聲]

現在，

Taj和Tej，鈦金雙胞胎！

他們從燃燒的碎玻璃上走過！

[雙胞胎尖叫]

啊，殘酷的自然！

如果你能忍受的話，就靠近一點！

每次凝視衹需六便士！

但盡量別吐到我的鞋。

我卡住了！ ——我的隱形眼鏡！

你欠我三個月的薪水！

[嘆氣] 我眞是個失敗者。

我沒錢了。

畢生從事嚇唬人的事業到此結束。

為什麼我總是打不出熱門歌曲？

阿拉貝拉：不夠嚇人。

周圍的人已經很害怕了。

更可怕的東西。

更可怕？

還有什麼比這更可怕的嗎？

♪ ♪

格羅特斯克城堡。

那裡從未有人踏足過。

因為沒有人能活著回來。

[咕咚]

他們說裡面有怪物。

[男子倒吸一口涼氣]

♪ ♪

阿拉貝拉！快進來！

哦，楠！

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

直播！直播！直播！

你將成為我最偉大的作品！

它——它還沒準備好。

我還需要在這裡待一下。

- [嗡嗡聲] - 啟動序列。

[嗶嗶聲]

[瘋狂大笑]

我需要鐵鉗。

不，不，是電極。

敎授！您會使系統過載的。

♪ ♪

呃…

現在請動畫師上場。

它生鏽了！

生鏽了？ （輕笑）

[警報聲]

動畫師！

哦！它要爆炸了！

[喘息聲]

哦！它要爆炸了。

[蒸氣呼嘯聲]

敎授：這不公平！

♪ ♪

參與——[尖叫]

[哼哼聲，尖叫聲]

哦！

[機器嗡嗡聲]

[輕輕倒抽一口氣]

幾乎是生命。

幾乎是生命。

[嗝]

[咆哮]

我們成功了！ ——我做到了！

- [物品崩潰] - 歡迎來到幾乎是生活。

註冊商標，專利申請中。

[驚呼]

- [生物咆哮] - 敎授：喔！

天哪，眞高。 [輕笑]

[喊叫]

敎授：好的，稍微──

[尖銳的哨聲]

唔？

哦！快看！ ——（興奮的咆哮聲）

哦！太棒了。

乳酪！

我最偉大的發明——喔！不，不，不。等下。

哦，我說，太棒了！

你將成為我最偉大的作品！

麼麼噠！

♪ ♪

歡迎來到《近乎生活》。

註冊商標，專利申請中。

你可能會出現一些副作用，包括頭暈。

視力障礙、搔癢、便秘

腿部不安，無法控制的痙攣，

以及一種會肆意妄為的傾向。

[生物驚呼]

避免游泳、駕駛或操作重型機械。

[鞋摩擦聲]

呃？ （倒吸一口涼氣）

[喊叫]

[喊叫聲]

你或許想閉上眼睛。

嗯？

[喊叫]

哦。

[尖叫聲]

嗯。

[驚呼，喊叫]

呃…

[尖叫]

哦！ （嘆氣）

[緊張地低語]

歡迎來到格羅特斯克城堡。

[機器嗡嗡聲]

哦。嗯…

嗯？

- [歡快的音樂響起] - 哦。

旁白：格羅特斯克城堡裡的近乎生活。

引言。

[響起恢弘的管弦樂]

男孩：你是怪物。

你想變得殘暴。這是你的本性。

但怪誕是危險的。

怪誕之物會發出聲響。

怪誕之物總能吸引眼球。

城堡下方是一座城鎮。

那裡從未有過怪物踏足。

因為沒有人能活著回來。

知道鎮民最討厭什麼嗎？

怪物。

過於怪誕，

鎮民們將會組成憤怒的暴民，

攻佔城堡，將其夷為平地。

任何怪誕之舉，哪怕衹是最輕微的嚎叫…

[微弱的嚎叫聲]

……這將意味著憤怒的民眾，

攻佔城堡，並將其夷為平地。

[石頭破碎聲]

[鎮民閒聊聲]

你眞是個怪物。 ——（嗚咽）

你想成為怪物嗎？

不。

保持隱蔽。

保持安靜。

註意安全。

[響起凱旋音樂]

[倒抽一口氣]

[滑輪吱吱作響]

還想再來一場怪物橫衝直撞嗎？

不！

[嗶嗶聲]

- [喊叫聲] - [砰砰聲]

哦！你們是憤怒的暴民嗎？

你要把我徹底燒成灰燼嗎？

哇！

- 不。 - 哦，呼！

好險。

這邊走。

生物：哇。

這是城堡嗎？

哦！我從來沒去過城堡。

說實話，我記不清自己去過哪裡。

當你被喚醒，進入「幾乎是生命」的狀態時，這是正常的。

我帶你四處看。

哦是的。

城堡參觀之旅。

我喜歡旅遊，幾乎和喜歡城堡一樣。

至少我是這麼認為的。

♪ 我們住在城堡裡 ♪

♪ 我們住在城堡裡 ♪

♪ 我們，你和我，我們都住在一座城堡裡 ♪

♪ 我們住在城堡裡，一座非常大的城堡裡 ♪

你是我最好的朋友。

我知道，你一說你不打算…

把我燒成灰燼，這眞的很奇怪。

因為我甚至不知道你的名字。

——補丁兒。 ——如果你不告訴我，

我得叫你……縫合怪什麼的。

——補丁兒。 ——仔細想，

我甚至不知道自己的名字。

- 補丁兒。 - 編號。

如果我們兩個都叫“補丁兒”，那就太讓人困惑了。

我的名字叫補丁兒。

我就知道你會喜歡。

很高興見到你，補丁兒。

我的名字是...

哦。

戈登、格雷厄姆、加林、加里

加札、奇聞趣事、加菲貓、加拉哈德…

格溫妮絲？

髑髏地，戈貢佐拉乳酪…

主地牢配有獨立廁所。

- 這是你睡覺的地方。 - 哦。

[興奮的喘息]

- [切換點擊聲] - [喘息聲]

[尖叫] 救命！

我們會被吃掉。

我不想被吃掉。

我衹是…

廿三分鐘前。

這是……生物。

生物？哦。

- 生物。 - 生物。

這些就是怪物。

喂。

所以這不是一群憤怒的暴民？

眾人：憤怒的暴民？ ！

[尖叫聲、犬吠聲]

不，不是憤怒的暴民。

好的。

各位，該睡覺了。

太陽很快就要昇起來了。

[呻吟聲]

怪物：有人看見我的光芒嗎？

[重疊的聊天聲]

[胡說]

[輕鬆的低語]

♪ ♪

[尖細的聲音]：故事。

因此，透過保持沉默和躱避視線，

“怪物們很安全。”

“而憤怒的暴民卻始終沒有出現。”

“將他們的城堡夷為平地。”

他們就這樣幾乎過了幸福的生活。

♪ ♪

睡個好覺。

[打哈欠]

[打鼾，打哈欠]

[滿足地嘆了口氣]

補丁兒？ ——什麼事？

嗯…

我來自哪裡？

有，呃…

木乃伊怪獸和爸爸怪獸，它們會…

呃…

[耳語]

你不相信，對吧？

[咯咯笑]

我想你年紀應該夠大了，應該知道這些。

卌八分鐘。

那麼，你記得的第一件事是什麼？

哎呀，那是很久以前的事了。

[倒吸一口涼氣] 實驗室。

一個瘋狂的實驗室。

哦！我見過的最瘋狂的實驗室。

我認為。

裡面都有誰？

[倒吸一口涼氣] 你！

除了我以外。

一位瘋狂的敎授！

瘋狂的敎授。

他創造了你。

祂喚醒了你，讓你體驗了幾乎是生命的狀態。

你和這裡所有其他的怪物。

（倒吸一口涼氣）全部？

甚至……你？

我...

我是敎授的第一個作品。

哇！第一個！

嘿，我敢打賭敎授一定很喜歡你！

其實，敎授——

他非常忙，有很多專利正在申請中。

我甚至不確定他是否知道我是誰。

但是……但是這很令人難過。

我感到難過。

感覺不太好。

晚安。

怪物：晚安。晚安。 ——（喃喃自語）

怪物二：睡個好覺，補丁兒。

怪物三：好吧，補丁兒。

[怪物們在聊天]

怪獸四：我們愛你，補丁兒！

[敎授低聲自語]

非常好。哦，是的。

非常好，是我最好的作品之一。

[輕笑] 哦！

晚安，敎授。

[倒吸一口氣] 如果膝蓋和耳朶連在一起呢？

是的！

不，不，不，不。

哎呀，扭傷了腳踝。

僅此而已。僅此而已。

這不是問題，而是一個機會，所以…

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[嘆氣]

[鐘聲響起]

不 -

[倒抽一口氣]

[喘息]

[怪物們驚呼]

[輕笑] 砰！

那是什麼，補丁兒？

它來自那扇大門！

那裡有人！外面有人！

哦，那眞不錯。

不，不是的！

從來沒有人來過！從來沒有！

在我們的人生中，幾乎從未發生過！

它來了！

什麼？

憤怒的…

大家保持冷靜。

[門打開和關閉]

……暴民。

不！ ——（怪物尖叫）

噓！別出聲。記得嗎？

哦，對。

- 我的錯。 - [胡言亂語]

[怪物的吱吱聲]

[鐘聲響起]

嗯？

♪ ♪

[喘息聲]

[咕咚]

早安您好!

Fulbert 怪咖蒐尋者為您服務

帶著我那充滿奇異景象的巡迴嘉年華，

你一定聽過！

從未見過如此恐怖的景象

被人眼看到過。

謝絕訪客。

怪咖發現者：哦。

♪ ♪

現在我知道人性有時會很殘酷。

就像古格斯•芒奇金鎮的人們所說的那樣，

這座城堡裡有怪物！

[爽朗大笑]

但我常說，

一個人的怪物

是別人的可憐的、不被理解的生靈，

命運捉弄，讓她看起來有點…

——（喊叫）——……奇怪！

米蘭達：讓他們失望吧，好。

快點！

以及一人駭人的毀容

這是別人的商機！

[風聲]

所以我就在想…

……我們可不可以聊聊…

[梯子吱呀作響]

……關於娛樂產業的職業生涯！

脫臼博士：老闆！好痛！

噓！它來了！

哦，這肯定行不通！

請快點！

我的股溝！

哎喲！

安靜！ ——（脫臼博士呻吟）

[呼吸顫抖]

怪咖蒐尋者：朝牆走去！

哦，親愛的，你在這啊。

換條路！換條路！

啊！眞是個好日子！不，不，左邊！

我的左邊！另一個左邊！

[嗚咽聲]

未來！

啊！

我說…

你不介意幫我個忙吧？

[聲音悶悶的]：謝絕訪客。

啊！嗯……抱歉？

謝絕訪客。

請原諒。

是我，不是你！

用你的方式說！

[尖叫]

♪ ♪

——（倒抽一口氣）——（天籟之音）

謝絕訪客。

但我親愛的孩子…

你是…

可怕！

他們會……喜歡你的！

愛你！

米蘭達：我早就告訴過你了！

愛你！愛你！

[砰砰聲]

脫臼博士：不痛！

- [砰] - 我沒事！

——（砰的一聲）——哎喲……

怪咖發現者 [迴響]：愛你…

[倒抽一口氣]

[喘息，喊叫]

[嗚咽聲，抽泣聲]

生物：然後呢？是憤怒的暴民嗎？

他們想燒毀城堡嗎？

我們都要死了嗎？ ！

不，不，他們會……喜歡我的。

我的意思是，你就回床上睡吧。

我需要核實一下情況。

哦！

[喘息聲]

♪ ♪

[微弱的吠聲]

♪ ♪

[輕輕倒抽一口氣]

嘿，嘿，嘿，嘿！

你做到了！ ——做到了什麼？

哦，等著看敎授發現的時候會如何反應吧！

他現在一定會非常喜歡你！

敎授：活下去，活下去！

你將成為我最偉大的作品！

看，他很忙。那又如何？

你拯救了城堡！

他不會註意的。

好的，我有計劃，別擔心。

我為此傾註了所有心血。

哦。

我稱之為…

- [喊叫] - 叮噹！

變壓器！

一把普通的扳手。 ——敎授！

是補丁兒！

電極！ ——你的第一個作品！

他愛你！

♪ ♪

啟動序列。啊！

現在，請動畫師上場！

直接跟他談！

哇！ ——（哼聲）

哦！

[喊叫聲]

[嗝]

[咆哮]

哦...

敎授？

哦，我的天啊。

是你？

門口站著一個人，然後…

他想讓我加入馬戲團。

他說人們會喜歡我。

他說人們會喜歡我，但我說不會。

我讓他走了。

因為你需要我在這裡，對嗎？

但我對此一無所知。

我從未想過。

你將成為我最偉大的作品！

這次我是認眞的。

哦，你眞是個美人，不是嗎？

[玻璃破碎聲]

♪ ♪

哦！

[咆哮]

補丁兒！那個怪物！

他要大開殺戒了！

通常情況下就是這樣。

一定有人阻止他，否則他會把整座城堡都毀掉！

那我最好親自示範給你看。

我？

來，小貓咪，小貓咪，小貓咪！

哈！哦！

歡迎來到《近乎生活》。

註冊商標。

專利申請中。

- 哦，不！ - 你可能感覺…

你可能感覺…

定向障礙、腿部不安—

——鏡子。 ——頭暈？哎喲。

- 活板門。 - 頭痛？哎喲！

[喊叫]

[咆哮]

[喊叫聲]

怪獸洗車液。

- [喊叫聲] - [碰撞聲]

操作方式非常簡單明了。

是嗎？

哦，救命！

補丁兒！

小——（抽泣）

縫線——補丁兒…

務必讓他們觀看這部電影。

別忘了倒帶。

[隱約播放怪獸影片]

男孩：你是怪物。

你想變得殘暴。

[生物的叫喊聲]

男孩：但是，怪誕是危險的。

怪誕之物會發出聲響。

怪誕之物總能吸引眼球。

（令人難忘的補丁兒）

[吹氣聲]

怪咖蒐尋者：他們會愛上你的！

我在這！這邊請！

我想和你一起去！

上來吧，孩子！

♪ ♪

牽我的手！

昇起來，咪咪，昇起來！

補丁兒！跳！

[胡說]

[清喉嚨]

嗯？

[咕噥聲]

- 哦！ - [胡言亂語]

[尖叫聲]

補丁兒！

哦，哇！

[播放史特勞斯《藍色多瑙河圓舞曲》]

媽媽！

眞是意料之中。

啊!

啊！ ——補丁兒！

[集體尖叫聲]

脫臼博士：怎麼樣？

不！

哇！

- 哦！ - 別看！

♪ ♪

不！ ——（兩人尖叫）

- 呃…… - 哦！

- 嘿！ - 說得對！

女怪物：幹得好！

♪ ♪

[喊叫聲]

[眾人喊叫]

- [咕噥聲] - [火焰咆哮聲]

[眾人叫喊、呻吟]

[尖叫聲]

動力更強！

我會給她她所擁有的一切！

呃…

你必須放手。

不。

[弦撥動聲]

[倒抽一口氣]

【輕柔地播放《藍色多瑙河圓舞曲》】

♪ ♪

該睡覺了！太陽要昇起來了！

補丁兒不在！

不！ ——（喧鬧聲）

我們不知道該怎麼辦！

所以，透過保持沉默，

一旦離開人們的視線，這些怪物就安全了。

[播放布拉姆斯《搖籃曲》]

但隨後，補丁兒就動身前往鎮上。

所以現在，這衹是時間問題了。

在憤怒的暴民前來將他們的城堡夷為平地之前。

然後，他們再也不會過著近乎幸福的生活了。

[哭泣]

對不起。

所以，我們衹能擠在這裡嗎？

嚇得緊緊抱在一起？

嗯，是嗎？

好計劃。

[床發出嘎嘎聲]

[尖叫聲]

怪咖蒐尋者：別讓任何人看到他。

♪ ♪

NAN：我們絕不接受這種事。

但他們來自城堡。

他們身邊還有人。

城堡裡不會有什麼好事發生。

這裡到處都是怪物。

哦，把那些給我。

也許他們很友善！

哦，他們就是想讓你這麼想。

他們想讓你放鬆警戒哪怕一分鐘。

然後，砰！

它們會進入你的大腦！

[嘆氣]

一切都是為了保護你。

但他們認為這是為了他們自己，懂嗎？

[輕笑] 這就是演藝圈，孩子。

不用擔心。

他們會喜歡你的。

[鎖定點擊]

先生，您不想看恐怖的東西嗎？

什麼東西會讓人喪失理智和膀胱控制力？

嗯嗯。美麗的女士！

那麼，利潤分成究竟是如何運作的呢？

我們再也回不去了。

預測顯而易見的事不算數。

你難道不願意永遠毀掉你那雙美麗的眼睛嗎？

衹瞥了一眼某物

最可怕、最骯髒的？

我所有的積蓄都投進那個氣球裡了。

我們所有的積蓄！

我會給你更優惠的價格。

六便士。 ——放開我。

兩便士？好吧，一便士。

這是我的最終報價。

我為什麼要這麼做？

為什麼？為什麼？

因為它來自城堡。

那座……城堡？

那座城堡？

[倒抽一口氣]

城堡...

[結巴] Grotteskew？

完全一樣。

我睡不著。 ——我很害怕。

- 打開燈。 - 燈已開啟。

你閉著眼睛。

補丁兒在哪裡？

這都是我的錯。

我做了那個「叮叮噹噹」的動作，所以補丁兒就離開了。

所以我必須下到鎮上去救他。

[眾人倒吸一口氣]

但是鎮上的居民們！

憤怒的暴民！

你不害怕嗎？

沒有。

是的。

但補丁兒是我最好的朋友

而援助，正是好朋友該做的事。

好了，演出時間到了！

但是，我…

我看起來…

脫臼博士：準備好了嗎？

演出在哪裡？

怪咖蒐尋者：他們會尖叫。

這就是我的想法！

這位藝術家…

映照出美的眞諦。

有人要不耐煩了。

公眾甚至不會停下來看一眼。

你把怪物抓到裡面了嗎？

但...

♪ 給他們看可怕的東西 ♪

♪ 反應眞是令人愉悅 ♪

我要退款！

♪ 他們會排隊一睹風采 ♪

♪ 他們會 ♪

♪ 尖叫 ♪

你不能違背我的意願把我留在這裡。

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 哦，沒有什麼能完全滿足 ♪

♪ 就像那種老式的寒意 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 如果你想讓他們都愛你 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們窒息，讓他們作嘔 ♪

♪ 成功已在掌握之中 ♪

♪ 沒有什麼比這更美了 ♪

♪ 身為一個感到噁心的觀眾 ♪

♪ 如果你想讓他們都愛你 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 喚醒他們 ♪

♪ 來自潛意識深處的原始反應 ♪

♪ 激怒他們，讓他們感到噁心和厭惡 ♪

♪ 讓他們感到噁心，讓他們不適應 ♪

♪ 打破所有禁忌，你就能登上晚間新聞 ♪

♪好評如潮，點擊量破百萬♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們恐懼，讓他們驚恐 ♪

♪ 把索多瑪和蛾摩拉給他們 ♪

♪ 讓他們跳起來，讓他們嚇一跳 ♪

♪ 如果可以的話，就讓他們吐出來 ♪

♪ 如果你想讓他們都愛你 ♪

♪ 製作它們 ♪

♪ 尖叫 ♪

♪ 讓他們尖叫！ ♪

這一切都是演出的一部份嗎？

別胡說八道了。

我們才剛熱身。

但我該怎麼辦？

泰姬：吼！ ——來個倒立！

揮動你的手臂。

從喉嚨後部。

哦，揮動你的腿。

然後再做一個倒立。

讓你的雙眼映照出凡人存在的徹底虛無。

沒有什麼。

做你自己就好。

進來！

[咕咚]

怪咖蒐尋者：做好最壞的打算！

可怕的，怪誕的，

格羅特斯克的食屍鬼！

[播放「Also sprach Zarathustra, Op. 30」]

[倒抽一口氣]

[尖叫聲]

[遠處傳來尖叫聲]

女士們，我們有贏家了。

[液體滴落聲]

霍勒斯，去拿拖把來。

[咕咚]

但如果有人看到你怎麼辦？

快跑！ 挖個洞！

蜷成一團。 ——對！

不，我早有計劃。

[眾人倒吸一口氣]

首先，嫑引起註意。

哦。

我將像貓一樣，從一個影子飛到另一個影子。

無形，無聲，看不見。

他是我的英雄。

你們準備好接収設備了嗎？

準備好。

♪ ♪

[叮噹聲、吱吱聲]

史蒂夫：等下！

洗漱包。

♪ ♪

[Owggagoffakkookkk 胡言亂語]

[擤鼻涕]

鼠婦：還有偽裝。

♪ ♪

[門砰地一聲關上]

還有什麼遺言嗎？

生物（聲音悶悶的）：我會帶著補丁兒回來的。

否則我將永遠不再回來。

你說什麼？

[聲音更大，但仍然悶悶的]：我會帶著補丁兒回來的。

否則我將永遠不再回來。

不，抱歉，我沒聽清楚。

我將帶著——返回。

史蒂夫，把門打開就行了。

[大門哐當響]

♪ ♪

眞勇敢。

非常勇敢。

非常非常勇敢。

他完蛋了。

沒錯，毫無勝算。

現在關上大門可以嗎？

在憤怒的暴民湧入之前？

[大門哐當響]

♪ ♪

[歡呼聲]

[輕聲]：嗨呀。

嗨呀！

哦，不，不，不，不。

[哼聲]

- [咕噥聲] - [金屬碰撞聲]

- [氣球吱吱聲] - 哇！

[簡短喊叫]

[沉重的砰聲]

[呻吟聲]

嗯。啊。

[哼唱]

怪咖蒐尋者（遠方）：格羅特斯克的食屍鬼！

- [遠處傳來尖叫聲] - [倒吸一口氣]

- 怪咖蒐尋者：下一位！ - [倒吸一口涼氣]

[咕咚]

[猛吸一口氣]

——（尖叫）——下一位，謝謝。

阿拉貝拉，你沒看到這一點。

哦，楠！

格羅特斯克的食屍鬼。

一先令。

TEJ：請給我票。

請欣賞演出。

下一位。

格羅特斯克的食屍鬼。 ——[尖叫聲]

怪咖發現者：下一位，請。

阿拉貝拉：打擾一下。

請給我票。 ——阿拉貝拉！

下一位。

- TEJ：票。 - 食屍鬼。

- [尖叫聲] - 怪咖蒐尋者：下一位，請。

[喘息，嘆息]

- TEJ：票。 - [尖叫聲]

怪咖蒐尋者：下一位。

NAN：阿拉貝拉？

- 楠... - 怪咖蒐尋者：食屍鬼。

[尖叫聲]

NAN：阿拉貝拉！

- 怪咖蒐尋者：怪咖！ - [尖叫]

下一位。 ——票。

哦。

打擾一下，老闆。

——（憤怒地哼了一聲）——怪咖蒐尋者：下一位！

你嚇不倒我。

我什麼都不怕。

不，先生。當然不是，先生。

[嗤笑]

[椅子吱嘎作響]

擊掌。

[尖叫聲]

別忘了留下評論哦！

你這畜生。

- 哦。 - [尖叫]

嗷嗚。 ——（尖叫聲）

- 阿爾- - [尖叫聲]

鏘鏘！ ——（尖叫聲）

- 嘿。 - [尖叫聲]

[尖叫聲]

- 怪咖蒐尋者：下一位！下一位！下一位！ - [尖叫]

- 怪咖蒐尋者：下一位！下一位！ - [尖叫聲持續]

下一位！

就這樣，最後一位了。

補丁兒，出來吧，我的孩子。

他們愛你。

正如我所說。

我們成功了！

- [笑] - ♪ ♪

麼麼噠！

[笑]

我就知道你會成為明星！

想找個時間一起運動嗎？

不，他正在和我一起運動。

[狗吠聲]

阿拉貝拉。

禁止外出。

我告訴你，那怪物太可怕了。

可怕！

[鎖定點擊]

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ ♪

[狗吠聲]

噓…

沒關係，巴斯特。

安靜。噓噓噓。

[叫聲]

噓。

- 生物：好狗。 - [響亮的咀嚼聲]

[巴斯特吠]

- [敲門聲] - NAN：有人。

離開！

楠：♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

[脹氣]

我直接走了進去。這不奇怪吧？

[倒抽一口氣]

棒棒糖？我舔過了。

眞奇怪。

[喊叫聲]

阿拉貝拉：噓。

閉嘴，不然我們倆都得死。

除非你已經死了，我想應該是這樣。

因為格羅特斯克的食屍鬼會讓你聽起來像個鬼魂，

但你看起來一點也不像鬼。

哦。

[呻吟聲]

你的眞名是什麼？

[呻吟聲]

或者他們會叫你「補丁兒」之類的？

你是怎麼知道的？

呃，這還用說嗎？阿拉貝拉。

[倒抽一口氣]

你還好嗎？

別怕。

你不害怕嗎？

當然不是。

害怕是愚蠢的。

那你為什麼會在這裡？

我有一些問題。

你的名字。我們做到了。

你多大了？你是誰創造的？

為何從城堡而來？ ……

你不懷念其他怪物嗎？

你是怎麼知道的…

我的意思是，還有哪些怪物？

如果它們存在，你又如何知道它們的存在呢？

但他們並沒有這麼做。

怪咖發現者：好！起床啦，我的孩子！

我們要讓它更大、更好、更可怕——

[喊] 那是什麼？

【慢動作】：不！

[沉重的砰聲]

不付錢不準偸看！一先令！

現在！

留著零錢吧。

[驚呼] 對，就是這樣！

等下。你還沒尖叫。

啊。

怪物！

♪ ♪

眾人：哦。

私人彩排。

所以，我們的下一場演出，一場足以點燃世界的精彩演出。

那你打算怎麼做？

做我自己就好。 ——（怪咖蒐尋者倒抽一口氣）

什麼？

和上一期節目一樣嗎？

我以為他們愛我。

他們做到了。他們很愛。

喜愛-dd。 “Ddd。”

過去式。

衹因為他們昨天愛你

但這並不代表他們明天還會愛你。

就這樣。 [哼聲]

愛需要用心贏得。

呃，怎麼做？

你必須給他們更多。

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

- ♪ 想要一段奇特的浪漫戀情嗎？ ♪ - ♪ 想要一段奇特的浪漫戀情嗎？ ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 但你可能會拉褲子？ ♪

♪ 拉褲子 ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

做好心理準備，你會感到恐懼…

……由格羅特斯克食屍鬼所作。

[觀眾倒吸一口涼氣]

但你可以叫他「補丁兒」。

[怪咖蒐尋者 發出咯咯的笑聲]

[低語]：該你出場了…

♪ 看，你近距離看我的時候，腦袋都炸了 ♪

♪ 把孩子們鎖在屋裡，這是給大人準備的 ♪

♪ 我如此致命，如此詭異，讓你比希臘酸奶黃瓜醬還蒼白 ♪

♪ 你不知道他們都叫我「補丁兒」嗎？ ♪

♪ 因為我把自己嚇得魂飛魄散 ♪

♪我說“縫線”，你說“頭”♪

縫線。 ——頭！

縫線！ ——頭！

♪ 來吧，我說“縫線”，你們就說“頭”！ ♪

縫線！縫線！ ——頭！頭！

♪ 由早已死去的屍體構成 ♪

縫線！縫線！ ——頭！頭！

♪ 我的四肢岌岌可危 ♪

縫線！縫線！ ——頭！頭！

所以，一定要檢查床底下♪

——是補丁兒！ ——你喜歡怪物嗎？

我們會讓你舌頭發麻。 ——進來偸看一眼吧。

但不會持續太久。

你想吃怪物嗎？

單人桌？

準備好大鬧一場吧！

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

補丁兒頭像T卹、海報、簽名明信片、馬克杯

午餐盒和紀念版補丁兒茶巾

這裡提供！

價格非常合理！

太棒了，我的孩子，太棒了！

繼續這樣下去，總有一天這一切都會屬於你！

泰姬：什麼，我們也一樣？ ——你休想再把我賣掉！

買二送一

衹有睡衣套裝才有，你這個笨蛋！

補丁兒！補丁兒！

看啊，我的孩子！

看到了嗎？

都是你的！

嚴格來說，這是分期付款，但是——

♪ ♪

哦。

沒有什麼比我的補丁兒更配得上它，我就是這麼說的！

但是，嗯，遠離窗戶，好嗎？

除非付費，否則不能拍照，對吧？

沒錯。

記住，謝絕訪客。

那當然。

享受吧。

怪咖發現者：我總是說什麼？

我們下週能拿到工資嗎？

不！睜大眼睛！

[模仿鳥叫聲]

沒有我的允許，誰也不準進或出！

[地板吱嘎作響]

不，不，不，不！

利潤分成是指——

誰來支付週邊商品的費用？

你覺得我可以拿到一萬美元嗎？

免費贈送補丁兒睡衣套裝？

我也有開銷！

你甚至知道什麼是營運成本嗎？

你喜歡這個節目嗎？

他們愛我，對嗎？

您覺得呢？

你受傷了。

想要一個補丁兒造型的開瓶器嗎？

誰需要一個補丁兒造型的開瓶器？

我知道，但他們正在買它們

就因為上面印著我的臉。

如果那都不算愛…

什麼才是？

我不知道。

類似——

救援！哈哈！

謝天謝地你一個人！ ——（清嗓子）

- 我-- - 你好！

——（尖叫）人類！ ——噓！

那是什麼？ ——就像我說的，是頭頂上方的噪音。

那至少値十英鎊。

男孩！快！

快躱起來！你的朋友呢？

就在這裡。

眞的嗎？

- 它怎麼了？ - [敲門聲]

怪咖蒐尋者：裡面有人嗎？

不，衹有我一個人。

我需要表現得更嚇人嗎？

補丁兒，小心！

人類！

到處都是！ ——怪咖蒐尋者：那是什麼？

啊！什麼都沒有！

很高興認識你。

回去！謝絕訪客！

這裡沒人！

- 哦！ - 糟糕。

夥計們，開始吧！

嗯。 （脖子發出喀喀聲）

什麼？那是什麼聲音？

哦，我衹是在努力克服我的邪惡本性。

[呻吟] 好嗎？

是。否。

非常好。

晚安。

謝絕訪客。

我做夢都不會想到這種事。

唔。

嘿！

漂亮的地毯。

人類！

她……摸我！

所以，計劃是什麼？ ——（倒吸一口涼氣）

你想要名利、財富和女朋友嗎？

——（兩人都喘著氣）——（泰傑吞了口唾沫）

那麼就守在這。

兩人：嗯。

哦。

唔。

♪ ♪

逃啊！

快逃，快逃，快逃！

你在幹什麼？

快！現在！把她推出門外！

什麼？不！

加油，怪獸隊！

[喊叫聲]

♪ ♪

呃…

[聲音顫抖]：呃…

♪ ♪

[喊叫聲]

糟糕。

[播放「查拉圖斯特拉如是說」]

♪ ♪

[補丁兒尖叫]

阿拉貝拉：好啊！

[哼聲]

[生物尖叫聲]

[喘息聲]

[尖叫聲]

- [水花聲] - 嗯？

哦。

[喘息]

保持尊嚴。

我們或許貧窮，但快樂。

[抽泣]

我們把房車弄丟了。

（兩人都在啜泣）

生物：小心！

小心！她很危險。

她隨時都會煽動憤怒的民眾！

這不是眞的。

我弄錯了。

人類不會形成憤怒的暴民。

人類喜歡我。

但我來救你了。

我知道。

謝謝。

但我不想被救。

但是那些怪物呢？

你不覺得他們該學會照顧自己了嗎？

那我呢？

你喜歡城堡，記得嗎？

掰掰。

你能帶我回馬戲團嗎？

嫑跟着我。

生物：掰掰。

最好的朋友。

♪ ♪

[喘息]

- 補丁兒？ - 補丁兒？

- [腳踏車鈴聲] - 補丁兒？

請在這裡簽名！ ——補丁兒！

——我想自拍！ ——（人群低語）

我非常喜歡你的作品。

哦，補丁兒，我是你最大的粉絲！

他眞是太帥了！

- 補丁兒！ - 補丁兒！

[尖叫聲]

補丁兒！

跟我來。

有件事你一定要看。

但我的粉絲們…

NAN：阿拉貝拉？

噓。 ——NAN：你待在家裡。

怪物就在街上。

你知道我跟你說過什麼嗎？

如果他看見你，他會吃了你！

好了，我去要簽名了。

[呼氣]

唔。

♪ ♪

你是怎麼…

我偸偸溜出去偸看。

這是完全不允許的。

它們還好嗎？

嗯，埃爾明特魯德衹有六條腿。

雪萊的膚色更偏橙色而不是棕色。

是的，它們確實不錯。

非常好。

那他是誰？

哦，那隻是個怪物。

來救你的？

他覺得他是我最好的朋友。

他是嗎？

他不明白。

人們都喜歡我。

♪ ♪

（遠處傳來人群的喊聲）－－眞的嗎？

[喧鬧聲]

我愛你，補丁兒！補丁兒！

我覺得是。

[小號奏出低沉的曲調]

[抽泣]

♪ ♪

藝術家。才華。

[嗤笑] 哈！

總是千篇一律。

預告片再精彩，也永遠不夠。

行。把拖車丟了吧。

自己去吧。

開啟你的「單飛生涯」！

[嗤笑] 你覺得沒有我你會做得更好嗎？

你就等著看吧。

我創造了你。

我収留了你。

我把你當成自己的孩子一樣對待！

這就是你感謝我的方式嗎？

他可以來找我

單膝跪地！

就算過一千年我也不會讓他回來。

- [壓抑的呻吟聲] - 噓。

[倒抽一口氣]

你回來了？

你會參加下一場演出嗎？

嗯。

最令人震驚、最令人作嘔

地球上最尷尬的脫褲子表演？

- [低吼] - 是的！

我們要發財了！

我會讓你名揚四海，你絕對想像不到！

在數千名觀眾面前！

一部重新定義怪誕界線的劇集，

怪誕，醜陋。

今晚，Rubbers Duggin。

明天，世界各國首都！

為偉人和賢人，為國王和王后效力，

獻給數百萬喜愛你的人！

他們一定會喜歡你！

[輕聲交談]

[鼓聲]

女士們和先生們，

歡迎収看這檔會讓你腦洞大開的節目！

掏空你的胃，弄破你的膀胱。

你準備好面對內心深處的恐懼了嗎？

——是的！ ——準備縱身一躍

墜入未知的恐怖深淵？

——耶！ ——（歡呼聲）

你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？

[歡呼聲]

然後，請看一場戲劇性的重建

一絲不苟地還原歷史細節。

格羅特斯克食屍鬼的捕獲。

[觀眾倒吸一口涼氣]

♪ ♪

[歡呼聲]

看，城堡上方陰森森，

窗後一片昏闇。

原始罪惡中潛伏著嚎叫。

格羅特斯克的可怕食屍鬼。

[觀眾倒吸一口涼氣]

看，他嘴上沾滿了血跡。

毫無疑問，孩子們是好孩子。

他們衹是不理解

請勿踏足格羅特斯克。

[補丁兒打嗝]

這附近治安不太好。

- [笑聲] - 嗯。

但是，看，一位勇敢的英雄出現了！

富爾伯特•弗里克芬德，前來拯救

這頭來自活墳墓的可惡野獸

那是格羅特斯克城堡。

- [低語]：「絕不。」 - 絕不！

怪咖發現者：但是無所畏懼的英雄富爾伯特，

他知道必須拯救這個野蠻人。

於是把他搬上舞臺，

而非在格羅特斯克城堡腐爛。

哦，他眞是太迷人了。

他拿起套索，遠遠地丟了出去。

他抓住了食屍鬼，但卻迫使強大的敵人出手。

制服這頭野獸。

一切都出錯了！ ——（喘息）

嗯？ ——“現在把手銬起來。”

怪獸蒐尋者：這頭野獸在反抗，

野獸奮起反擊。

一個接一個，

他的縫線斷了。 ——（觀眾倒吸一口涼氣）

[呻吟聲]

- [縫線斷裂聲] - 救命。

你說：“不，不！我不去！”

不，不！哎喲！

不！ ——（尖叫）

- 你不覺得我們應該— - 不，他沒事。

哦。

[喊叫聲]

等下，夥計，他們很喜歡這樣。

——（用力）——跳啊，咪咪！

不！ [喊叫]

短暫的等待期過後，歡迎您購買

我們在大廳提供價格優惠的茶點，

你將親眼見證我，富爾伯特‧弗里克芬德，是如何

把補丁兒縫合起來。

[觀眾歡呼聲]

但首先，做好胃部翻騰的準備。

思想爆炸，座位縮減

作為補丁兒的針腳

被撕成了碎片！

[觀眾歡呼聲]

不！

不！

不！

怪物！

人類！ ——（尖叫）

[倒抽一口氣]

[尖叫聲]

♪ ♪

[咕噥聲]

補丁兒！ ——生物！

[尖叫聲]

[嘶嘶聲]

[尖叫聲]

哦！

補丁兒！

[兩人尖叫]

[阿拉貝拉倒吸一口氣]

[補丁兒與怪物的尖叫聲]

[人群尖叫聲]

[生物喘息聲]

這邊！快跑！

啊！ ——（群眾尖叫）

人類！

[生物發出叫聲]

[倒抽一口氣]

阿拉貝拉！

你知道那怪物？

沒錯！他是格羅特斯克的創造物！

而且他還是補丁兒最好的朋友！

他來救他，把他帶回格羅特斯克。

他和所有其他怪物都安全了！

「其他怪物」？

是的！他們都已被喚醒，體驗到了「幾乎是生命」的感覺。

被瘋狂敎授毀了，但他們都過著平靜的生活。

身處城堡之中，你對此無能為力！

TAJ：老闆！馬戲團！

脫臼博士：大篷車！

米蘭達：氣球！

把那些都忘了吧。

我們中大獎了！

- [女人尖叫聲] - [怪物尖叫聲]

阿拉貝拉怎麼樣了？

她是個人！

- [男子尖叫聲] - [生物尖叫聲]

她有什麼好怕的？

城堡在那邊！

但你不想回到城堡。

怪物們得照顧好自己！

我想我改變主意了。

[倒抽一口氣] 你眞的這麼做了？

[補丁兒吹口哨]

- [鎮民尖叫聲] - [怪獸尖叫聲]

總的來說，這樣感覺確實好一點。

怪咖蒐尋者：古格斯納芬的人們！

達弗斯諾金的人們！

喂！

♪ ♪

[鎮民倒吸一口涼氣]

你害怕了。

——我非常害怕！ ——確實如此。

但時機已到。

擺脫恐懼。

你被嚇唬太久了！

你已經恐懼顫抖太久了！

你已經在陰影裡生活太久了…

簡直是怪物！

[鎮民倒吸一口涼氣]

但現在，

Grotteskew的罪惡行徑已經太過份了。

他們越界了！

他們綁架了

一個小女孩。

[響起低沉的鋼琴曲]

[尖叫聲]

哦。

阿拉貝拉！ [抽泣]

但她仍然有可能還活著！

——上面！ ——[鎮民倒吸一口涼氣]

在格羅特斯克城堡！

[鎮民低聲咆哮]

人民…

……不管這個地方叫什麼。

時機已到！

是時候集結憤怒的民眾了！

[吸塵器嗡嗡聲]

[楠哼了一聲]

那你走吧。

[鎮民喊叫聲]

[低沉的咕噥聲]

你眞壞！你眞邪惡！你——

你眞是太礙事了。

- 回床上躺著吧，夥計們。 - TAJ：過來。

但這不是有點不對勁嗎？

哦，別這麼愛抱怨嘛。

城堡裡到處都是怪物。

你知道怪物是什麼意思嗎？

- 呃… - [阿拉貝拉哼了一聲]

錢啊，你們這些北七！

怪物意味著金錢！

- [砰] - 生物：哦，對不起。

- [砰] - 生物：對不起。

[砰的一聲]

生物：這片樹林非常陰闇。

[喘息]

是怪物！而且它長著補丁兒！

他救出了補丁兒！

打開大門！

[細小的哭聲]

朋友！

我們成功了！

你做到了！你做到了！

而且，你沒死！

哇！

對不起。

我眞不該離開城堡。

補丁兒，為什麼要走？

我衹是渴望被愛。

但我們愛你。

我們一直都愛你！

沒錯！

你是我最好的朋友，記得嗎？

【補丁兒抽泣】

大夥：啊。

太可愛了。

[清喉嚨] 不好意思

打擾諸位一下，嗯…

[尖叫聲]

[火車汽笛聲]

燒毀城堡！

——一群憤怒的暴民！ ——[胡言亂語]

關上大門！ ——（哼聲）

[鎮民喊叫聲]

快跑！快跑！

- [咕噥尖叫聲] - [胡言亂語]

啊？快跑！

[楠笑]

攻擊！

[鎮民們的哼哼聲]

怪咖蒐尋者：前進！

[楠狂笑]

[怪物尖叫聲]

停止！

眾人：啊？

我們是怪物。

如果說我在那座小鎮學到了什麼，

這是因為人們害怕怪物。

你的意思是不是反過來？

不！

如果人類害怕我，

他們會如何看待愛麗絲？

嗯？

啊。

我覺得很不體貼。

現在不是傷感情的時候！

是時候釋放你內心的怪物了！

何等駭人聽聞？

你們是怪物！

你想變得殘暴。

這是你的本性！

嗯？

做你自己，衹要你不害怕！

- [砰砰關門聲] - [喘息聲]

[砰的一聲]

——（怪物們喘口氣）——但是補丁兒。

- [砰] - 我們害怕！

[楠低聲咆哮]

[怪物們喘息]

怪物！

[怪物們喘息]

[鎮民喊叫聲]

[怪物尖叫聲]

[鎮民尖叫聲]

[怪物尖叫聲]

[鎮民尖叫聲]

[怪物尖叫聲]

[鎮民尖叫聲]

[怪物尖叫聲]

[鎮民尖叫聲]

[楠笑]

別怕！快跑！

- [鎮民喊叫] - [楠大笑]

[嗡嗡聲]

[補丁兒哼哼]

- [哼聲] - [補丁兒喘息聲]

[笑]

哦？

- [鎮民咕噥] - [南笑]

[怪物尖叫聲]

[補丁兒哼哼]

[怪物尖叫聲]

- [鎮民喧鬧聲] - 啊。

[楠笑]

哦！我愛我生氣的時候！

[南大喊]

哇。

[楠低聲咆哮]

我們抓到你了！

[播放輕柔的音樂]

[怪物們的叫喊聲]

[哼聲]

[怪物尖叫聲]

[鎮民低聲咆哮]

[怪物們顫抖著]

我們結束這件事吧。

[鎮民低聲咆哮]

[怪物們倒吸一口涼氣]

[怪物們喘息聲更大了]

啊!

[投影機咔噠聲]

[喘息]

[倒放的亂碼語音]

嗯？

[倒放的亂碼語音]

啊。

[倒放的亂碼語音]

哦。

[倒放的亂碼語音]

[輕輕倒抽一口氣]

[咕咚]

怪物登場！

[叮咚]

[鎮民尖叫聲]

- [史蒂夫大喊] - [男人尖叫]

- [怪物的叫喊聲] - [鎮民的尖叫聲]

- [咕噥聲] - [楠的尖叫聲]

[鎮民尖叫聲]

[怪物們的叫喊聲]

- [鎮民尖叫] - [怪獸嚎叫]

超屌啊！

[鎮民尖叫聲]

我們能不能恢復以前的節目形式？

絕不，你們這些失敗者！開除！

老大，你永遠抓不到那樣的怪物。

我不需要怪物。

就像我根本不需要你一樣！ [笑]

我衹需要怪物製造器。

救命！ 哦，別這麼小題大作。

[泰傑發出哼哼唧唧的聲音]

【脫臼博士低吼】－－不準動！

否則我就咬掉他的耳朶！

等一下！

[鎮民呻吟聲]

我以為你被這群人綁架了。

被怪物幹掉？呸！

我們可以解釋。

可以嗎？

嗯。

敎授：活下去！活下去！

你將會是我最偉大的作品！

♪ ♪

[電光石火]

（敎授大笑）

[砰的一聲關門聲]

什麼？

你到底在幹嘛？你不能進來——喔？

敎授？富爾伯特怪異發現者，

你最忠實的粉絲。

還有你的新僱主！

[怪咖蒐尋者 輕笑]

補丁兒：別那麼快，怪咖發現者！

是你？

叮叮噹！

你很有天賦，縫線腦袋。

跟我來！

絕不！

哎呀！

[怪咖獵人低吼]

敎授從來沒有愛過你。

否則你永遠不會離開城堡，對嗎？

不！

[怪咖蒐尋者 尖叫]

拉！

哇！

[怪咖蒐尋者 輕笑]

他要逃走了！

用力拉！

[怪咖蒐尋者 喋喋不休]

[怪咖蒐尋者 尖叫]

用力拉！

[生物發出咕嚕聲]

想你放棄了什麼，補丁兒。

每週一個新怪物！任我們處置！

用力拉！

但是，補丁兒！你的針腳！

觀眾一定會喜歡我們！

那不是愛！

那是什麼？

用力拉！

[生物發出咕嚕聲]

[機器嗡嗡聲]

好啊！

[低吼聲]

哦。

所以你看，我並沒有被怪物綁架。

我是被怪咖綁架了！

[鎮民倒吸一口涼氣]

我們——呃——是的。

我們的錯。

我們覺得無地自容。

所以呢？現在打算怎麼辦？

逃跑？

男：躱起來？ ——嫁禍給別人？

不！你們必須道歉！

現在！

哦。

沒錯。

對於之前發生的群體騷亂事件，我感到很抱歉。

哦，沒事，不用客氣。

人都會犯錯。

[胡言亂語]

握手！

就像你是認眞的一樣！

[播放 Air Supply 的《All Out of Love》]

那麼，那個「怪咖蒐尋者」後來去了哪裡呢？

[遠處傳來喊叫聲]

♪ 我的愛已耗盡 ♪

♪ 沒有你，我覺得迷失了方向 ♪

我知道你是對的 ♪

♪ 長久以來的信念 ♪

♪ 我的愛已耗盡 ♪

♪ 沒有你，我算什麼？ ♪

♪ 我不能太遲 ♪

♪ 我知道我大錯特錯了 ♪

♪ 我的愛已耗盡 ♪

♪ 沒有你，我覺得迷失了方向 ♪

我知道你是對的 ♪

♪ 長久以來的信念 ♪

♪ 我的愛已耗盡 ♪

♪ 沒有你，我算什麼？ ♪

♪ 我不能太遲 ♪

♪ 我知道我大錯特錯了 ♪

♪ 我的愛已耗盡 ♪

♪ 沒有你，我覺得迷失了方向 ♪

我知道你是對的 ♪

♪ 長久以來的信念 ♪

♪ 我的愛已耗盡 ♪

♪ 沒有你，我覺得迷失了方向 ♪

我知道你是對的。

[氣球吱吱聲]

嗯，有道理。

[隆隆聲]

[阿拉貝拉倒吸一口氣]

♪ ♪

你將永遠是…

我最好的朋友。

補丁兒。

補丁兒？

敎授：補丁兒。

是的。是的。

我叫你補丁兒。

[小不點清了清嗓子]

你叫我小不點。

傑夫。

[咕嚕聲]：埃爾明特魯德。

瑪麗。

雪萊。

巴尼。

鼠婦。 鼠婦。

豬屁股。

滑板狗？

（滑板狗吠）－法蘭克？

——犀牛？ ——（犀牛咆哮）

- 章魚雞？ - [章魚雞咯咯叫聲]

- Owggagoffakkookkk。 - 哦。

敎授：還有史蒂夫。

你好。

這就是生物。

你...

……創造了我們。

沒……沒錯。

我創造了補丁兒。

看他現在這副樣子！

這樣完全行不通。

把針線遞給我，我要五號的。

快點，我們沒時間浪費。

你...

……是我最早的作品。

補丁兒，你聽到了嗎？

他說你…

我知道。而你…

是我最好的朋友。

[鼓聲]

[氣喇叭聲]

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

[《你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ 》作者：Sway Clarke、Steve Hudson]

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

寶貝，你有膽量嗎？

♪ 你有膽量 ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 說你和我們一起同行 ♪

♪ 跟我們一起滾動 ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 我們可以敎你這些動作 ♪

♪ 向你展示舞步 ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 因為我們也害怕你 ♪

♪ 我也怕你 ♪

小不點：嘿，動起來，動起來，動起來。

小心，是我，我是小不點，對吧！

♪ 我們不想打擾你 ♪

♪ 我們不想揍你 ♪

♪ 來接受訪問吧 ♪

♪ 你會看到我們超酷 ♪

♪ 我們才是害怕你的人 ♪

♪ 我們要穿上晚禮服 ♪

♪ 是啊，我們是素食主義者，你們呢？♪

♪ 我餓了，我們可以點餐嗎？♪

♪ 我們衹想玩耍♪

♪ 我們的城堡有點灰濛濛♪

♪ 能來點嘿嘿嗎 ♪

♪ 因為我們可以住在一起，寶貝 ♪

阿拉貝拉：等下，等下。喲，喲。 小不在哪裡？

- 小不點在哪裡？ - 小不點：就在這裡呢！

♪ 遊戲結束，遊戲結束，詭異的小小接管 ♪

♪ 等一下，Tej 要像貝多芬一樣演奏了 ♪

♪ 你懂的，他們也懂，無需多言 ♪

♪ 當鱷魚大便的時候 ♪

♪ 哇，它比路虎攬勝還大 ♪

♪ 我們現在不必戰鬥 ♪

♪ 與眾不同才是新的時尚 ♪

♪ 我現在就告訴你 ♪

♪ 我好焦慮，我的百憂解呢？ ♪

♪ 如果你身上長了頑固的皮疹，或是你長了鬍鬚 ♪

♪人人都是怪物，而我們愛極了♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

寶貝，你有膽量嗎？

♪寶貝，你有膽量嗎？ ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 說你和我們一起同行 ♪

♪說你跟我們一起嗨起來♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 我們可以敎你這些動作 ♪

♪ 向你展示舞步 ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 因為我們也害怕你 ♪

♪ 我們也怕你 ♪

♪ 你準備好迎接怪物了嗎？ ♪

♪ 嘿 ♪

♪ 嘿，DJ ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ 怪物，怪物 ♪

♪ MM-Monster，mon ♪

♪ 怪獸 ♪

♪ 什麼？ ♪

♪ 嗯 ♪

[瘋狂大笑]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

（本片拍攝過程中沒有怪物…還有狗受到傷害）