Original subtitles

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Hey, Lisa.

How you doin'?

Can I ask you a question real quick?

Are your new neighbors real nice?

Hi.

I don't want to invade your privacy...

-Mm-hm. ...but my name

is Cheryl Sanford.

I grew up in this house.

I lived here my whole life.

Last couple weeks,

I've been meeting a lot of neighbors,

and her name comes up a lot,

I think a lot of people remember you.

That's sweet.

'Cause they were good people, they are--

you have some-- you have some good people.

You know, having Mom,

seeing her washing dishes, you know.

Cookin' dinner, you know.

You know.

But I thought I was gonna get a chance

to be a grandma like that too.

You never know.

Life is funny, it is.

*

You know, mm...

*

*

My actions caused a chain reaction

and put things in motion that should not have been.

*

Everything that was about to take place

changed in one night.

*

*

He loved his family,

he would do anything for his family.

And I just wish that I coulda told him

that I love him, 'cause I do love him.

*

-Put it on his head, shawty! -Hey, you gonna take that?

-Hey! -Run it, run it, run it!

-No, you got the ball... -I missed it!

-Oh my... -You missed!

Hey. Hey!

What'd I tell you?

What'd I tell you?

What'd I tell you? Ball, please.

What y'all got?

What y'all got?

-Fourteen. -Him and you. Come on.

-And me! -Fourteen now!

Fourteen now, we gotta do something!

Get your man, Tim, get your man,

keep it tight!

Damn!

Now that's 15, man.

*

No Tim Hardaway.

*

* But he never even...

Put it up, baby!

*

-Come on, girls. -Lemme see that.

It's my turn, it's still my turn.

*

*

*

*

My family and I are from Washington, DC.

*

In the summer of 1999,

we lived on Kentucky Avenue.

*

We had to move around a lot before that.

*

But eventually, we lucked up

and came into a very good situation

for all of us.

*

My name is Cheryl, C-H-E-R-Y-L,

Denice Catherine Cashwell Alizea Santiago Sanford.

That's my name.

Cashwell is my maiden name;

Catherine is my confirmation name;

Denice is my middle name,

One of her daughters or something?

-Yeah? 'Scuse me? -Look, this thing says--

this thing says 16 problems--I mean...

-It says... -...32 problems,

-but I only see 16. -"...math book, page 250,

first 32 problems,

reading handout and spelling definitions."

The first 32 problems on page 250.

Sixteen and sixteen, that's thirty-two.

You gotta do these and these.

Yeah.

I got a lot of homework.

Uh, this is actually my video,

and this is the only reason I host this show, so...

Smurf, that's my firstborn son.

Akil James Sanford.

He was born 11/24/83.

I have Denice Shamel Durant,

and she was born August the 20th, 1987.

And then I have Emmanuel Durant Jr.,

and he was born January the 14th, 1990.

"Akil" means "to think with reason."

"Denice" means "dear one,"

and "Emmanuel" means "child of God."

-Smurf! -What?

Come here!

Look.

You could record yourself.

How'd you do that, man?

That make it better.

Yeah, that's it right there.

Oh.

My name is Emmanuel, I'm nine.

My subject is math and reading,

English, social studies,

PE, and talking on the phone.

Playing basketball, and I'm a superstar.

Yeah!

Mm...and my other favorite thing is...

is just eatin' good food, ah!

*

Man, get that outta my face, man!

My brother, he's not in school.

I'm in school, I'm doing fine.

Denice, she's in school, she's doing fine,

but she always skip first period.

Turn it upside down... cheese!

And that's a picture of

my brother, my sister, and me.

She's the one that spoiled me.

You know who she is?

I mean, she is gorgeous.

-I think she's so pretty. -That's you.

That's not me!

That's you!

'Cause you got that shirt in your closet.

I was raised in Northeast Washington,

in a very nice part of Washington.

Middle class, lower middle class, whatever,

government worker family.

I went to private school.

I went to an elite junior high,

which was like an uppity school called Gordon.

I'm on my way now.

*

I always dreamed of being a movie star

or an actress, a model, entertainer.

*

My mother kept telling me I was gonna be a teacher,

but in my mind,

I was gonna be a Marilyn Monroe.

*

But unfortunately,

life had different plans for me.

*

They're books that you can read.

Ooh! Y'all say thank you?

-Thank you, Granddaddy. -Thank you, Granddaddy.

Can you see us?

Hi!

What is the strangest set of breasts

you've ever seen on this beach?

*

-I don't know. -He's at a loss for words.

Okay, lemme ask you the biggest that you've seen.

Was it that double-D that you were talkin' about?

- Yeah, these old. - But were they down

or did they have a little bit of firmness

-to 'em? -Nah, no firmness,

you see some nasty-ass watermelons out here.

So that's not just me, though,

you don't want nasty watermelons.

I feel you on that, man, can't be mad at you.

A big, big, big breast man.

She fine as shit.

That's the only reason why I gave her the 8.

'Cause she looks all good.

-I put 8? -I can see about Chantelle

-of being the 8. -I ain't fuck Chantelle.

I ain't fuck Chantelle, I ain't fuck Chantelle.

I ain't fucking girls out front, you know?

But I ain't fuckin' her, you ain't never seen her.

It would be an 8 or nah, I gotta--

I gotta cross that out, 'cause she ugly.

The six and a half.

*

*

I never knew it was that hard to raise children.

But then, I came up with a mom and a dad,

and they're coming up with a single parent.

So it's a big difference, I guess.

I don't know.

*

Here you go, right here.

I met his, like, sisters and cousins.

I met his side of my family or whatever,

and they say I act like him and I resemble him and stuff.

*

But just like same thing happened

and his father got killed, too.

I can't make-- it make me sad, but I wasn't...

I can see if it happened to me

when I was old enough to understand,

but I wasn't, so.

I only hear what my mother told me,

*

In the kitchen, it's a big--

it's a big argument goin' on with a lot of smoke.

Woo! Look at this kitchen.

Woo!

Look at this kitchen.

*

Joe is somewhat like me,

someone that had experienced a lot of pain in his life,

and I really thought that him and I were going to

live the life that him and I both thought was correct.

What's your favorite thing?

And I was searching for someone to be a father figure

for my children.

*

Don't come up here with that camera.

Take--go back downstairs.

Why is you--go back down-- I'm gonna throw somethin'.

Go back downstairs.

Who is you talking to?

Oh. You better be talking to her and not me.

If you was talkin' to me, you woulda got straight slapped.

No, your ass goin' home, Shayna.

Your ass needs to go home.

Shayna, who we have homework from?

It's hard

knowing that they know

what she does, you know?

I wanna be the difference in her life.

I wanna be the reason for her to get herself together.

And it's not her fault, you know?

I do fucked-up shit.

I'm still on drugs, uh, I still drink,

I still do things I'm not supposed to do.

But I thought Cheryl was my answer.

*

It's just gonna make you just get out the trouble,

make you get out-- it's gonna make you drop out,

make you a failure and stuff

and you don't wanna be a failure.

You wanna go to college and get you a great job,

making 400 or 600 or 1,000 or, like,

a million dollars every week or every month.

I'll be having me two grand probably every week

or every month.

I'll be living in me a castle.

They'll be knocking on my door for food.

-Go on. -What's the problem?

Get away from-- get away from me,

I don't want you to hold me!

-I'm gonna hold you. -And I don't want you to hold me

and I don't need you to hold me!

Joe, leave me alone.

-Just calm down. -Just leave me alone!

-Just calm down. -Didn't I say leave me alone?

I just want you to calm down.

A'ight? Just give me ten seconds,

just count to ten.

Joe, I told you.

I don't need you around, okay?

-And I meant that. -She don't understand

-somebody loves her. -You love me?

You love me?

on the steps?

a minute ago, right?

-You love me. -I didn't hit you.

Well, you ain't going to.

-You gonna learn something... -Film that knife in her hands...

-Yeah, film it, film it. -...please, get it on film.

'Cause I'm gon' fucking cut your goddamned throat.

That's what's gon' happen.

Either you gonna grow the fuck up

and act like you're 37, or you--you can--

you can get it on tape.

I got a scar in my head and papers at the hospital.

The kids know that we're not living right.

We--what I'm saying-- we're not livin' right.

'Cause I'm a part of this,

because I condone it.

If I'm not part of the answer, I'm part of the problem.

*

Okay. I'm gonna let you out.

I don't understand, man.

*

She's a stupid motherfucker sometimes.

*

I'm lazy, man,.

Aww, you lie like shit, dog, you're a liar.

-Lie about what? Cleanin'? -Knife, watch the knife.

Cleanin'?

*

That's what I'm saying...

, start all over.

At five years old,

I started trying to teach Smurf not to do drugs.

And then, when he turned around 15,

he wanted to drop out of school, which he did,

and he wanted to get into the life.

And I can't blame Smurf for being in the life,

because I exposed the life to him.

*

-Damn, punk, nice push-off. -I pushed you off?

I just jumped in the way.

-Catch him, yo. -What?

Wait, man, I seen him...

I don't have nothin'!

*

*

Help! Help!

Help! Help! Help! Help!

*

Yeah!

*

Hi, everybody, thank you for joining us.

We're gonna start with the latest

from Southeast DC,

because that's where one man is dead

and two others injured following gunfire overnight,

and why neighbors are upset with the crime rate as well.

Kevin.

*

*

Hope. Hope?

What about hope?

Hope is real, hope is alive.

We have hope; everyone has hope.

I mean, that's what keeps this world going, functioning.

Because, you know, like, you got things that get you down

every day, and you got a lot of problems,

you got a lot of pressure,

you got a lot of dysfunctional things happen.

But there's hope for tomorrow, there's hope for better.

That's all we got.

We know.

As long as we keep that alive,

as long as we keep hoping and praying,

it works.

You know, that's my thought.

I believe in hope.

*

*

* Many say that I'm too young

* To let you know just where I'm coming from, yeah *

* But you will see...

When we first came here, they were surprised.

It was like, "There's nothing to do

in this neighborhood!"

And I'm like, "Well, there's lots of things to do,"

you know?

You can read, you know?

They have a rec center, there's lots of things to do.

* ...of ghetto life

* Everyone is so uptight, yeah, yeah *

* Nothing's wrong, it's alright, my man *

I just like the area,

it's peaceful and quiet and, you know,

there wasn't anyone on the corners, you know,

so I'm happy with it.

* Givin' him something he can feel *

* Giving him, giving him, giving him, giving him *

Whoo!

It is not fun cooking.

It really isn't.

That is so hot.

Now that I have a child, it's so different.

There's no more just getting up and leaving

and going to do what I want.

'Cause I have to find babysitters

and all types of that stuff.

It's the same, just a little bit different.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, I know I didn't just

make this for nothing.

You better eat this, come here.

Look, you can't do it yourself.

Look, you gonna make a big, big mess, oh.

Come sit at the table, I knew that's what it was.

You was really thinking you a big boy now.

-What are you doing? -Myself.

*

When Justin was first born,

Emmanuel, he adopted him as his own.

That was his child.

Being that Justin's father doesn't help him

or doesn't be in his life,

Emmanuel, he's a very good positive role model

and a father figure to Justin.

You driving us?

Oh, damn, y'all gotta get in the car.

You scared?

I ain't about to hold you!

Boy, I am not gonna up and hold you,

that is not gonna work.

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh, I can't do it!

Come on, let's go in the house.

'Cause you're going in the house, come on.

Let's walk in the house, come on, go get Mamaw.

Emmanuel really amazed everybody,

'cause he got good grades.

Especially with getting the scholarship.

But the thing that did it,

he met this girl that goes to John Carroll,

to private school,

and he's in love with her.

And so, she's no-nonsense.

She's about this big, she weighs about 85 pounds!

Carmen, she's a sweet girl.

This is Carmen Lolita Matthews Payne,

this is Emmanuel's future wife,

they're gonna get married and have ugly little

big-head rodents.

Why do you like Emmanuel?

'Cause he's sweet.

I don't know about he's sweet to his family,

but he's nice to me.

*

-Justin! -Get over here.

Get over here. Get over here.

Get over here.

Come here.

*

Emmanuel!

How did we meet?

He sent me a message or something like that.

Don't laugh.

And then people be like,

"You know, you be getting killed and kidnapped,"

so I was like, "I hope not," I was scared.

He looked a little crazy.

My mother always tellin' me,

"Don't be talking to nobody on Myspace!"

But, you know, it's a place for friends!

That's what it says:

*

-He do? -Yeah!

Oh.

I didn't know that.

*

Smurf has two children.

Akil Jr.'s birthday is 3/19

and Takel was born 9/15.

Here we go.

We wanna be comfortable

and our conditions is uncomfortable,

and when you uncomfortable, you make bad decisions.

So that's what it is.

These streets, man, they vicious.

You know what they do? They soak your ass up.

I always buy something, don't say anything.

-I don't do nothing for myself? -Nope.

Look, he just bought hisself his first pair of shoes

probably in like five years.

Shit! He ain't never bought hisself no pair of shoes.

I been home since '07, home since '02.

Since I been home, he never--

'07, '06--I mean, '07, '08, '09.

Since I been home for two years,

I just seen him buy his first pair of shoes.

-Now, he bought some Nikes... -Air Force 1s.

-Them little... -Some Jordans.

That's my style.

Smurf, I pray for him,

'cause he's out gang-bangin' for real.

Standin' on a corner, you know,

trying to sell drugs,

and so, things can happen.

He go to work, he come back home.

He's content to be in the house.

He kinda likes to be with his girl

and attend functions that are not on that wild side.

He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke,

He's pretty cool.

*

"In the face of many challenges

that students face in high school,

today, you have reached one of the most important milestones

of your way to higher achievement.

Congratulations.

I hope that you are deeply proud of this accomplishment

and that you use it to reach even higher goals for yourself

in future years."

*

Go to trade school, become a firefighter right now.

All right.

I am.

-I ain't gon' be like-- -His friend's staying

so she stays on top of him.

*

He was proud.

It's not every day your grandson shows you

diplomas and stuff.

It was--every kid don't walk across the stage.

July 11th, I graduated from

Theodore Roosevelt Senior High School at what,

I think, 6:00, 7:00 at night?

And then I got a scholarship from Kappa Foundation.

Here you go, my school picture right here for cap and gown.

It felt good.

Instead of me, you know, focusing on one thing,

I let greed get in the way of what was important.

I made a vow, oh, not less than three months ago,

two months ago, I told God I would never pawn it again

for that.

to get money for drugs, okay.

And I did that, okay?

Well--yeah, I did that.

And being too high or under the influence,

I don't know, I messed it up, I messed it up.

'Cause I knew I couldn't be ready in time.

And I know it hurt him, I know it hurt him.

Because he really had accomplished something.

But that's the kinda things that a person does

that messes their children up, you know?

*

*

One, two, three.

-Happy Fourth of July! -Happy Fourth of July!

* Oh yeah

* We got to share our love in secrecy *

* Nobody must know...

-Love you! Oww! -* ...about you and me

-Don't love you. -* We can't take

too much liberty *

* Until the time he sets you free *

* And I got to tell you

*

* I'm gonna hold you

* I'm gonna squeeze you

* No matter when

* No matter where

* I'm gonna hold you, baby

*

*

*

See it?

Look, look!

*

*

*

Two dudes came in here try and rob Smurf,

and they shot Emmanuel.

*

Once he turned around and saw that gun in his face,

he knew how it was gonna play out in his head,

he just knew it,

and they probably was gonna kill everybody,

and he did not want that,

so he tried to fight for it,

he tried to fight his hardest for that gun,

but he couldn't get it.

And when he tried to run, they shot him.

And he died.

*

Man, he was innocent, man,

he wasn't no gang banger, he didn't smoke drugs,

he didn't even drink, he didn't smoke cigarettes.

He was good.

He was good!

His last words was to get his--

he wanted to make sure all the kids and I was safe.

He just wanted us to get out, like he told us,

"Get out the house and run."

They got all the money anybody had in this house,

which was $200.

They thought they was gonna come in here and get more

and still didn't get more,

and still left killing my little brother

and $200 in their pocket.

*

I wish I woulda stayed on the phone longer

if I knew that it was the last time.

Not long after Carmen Payne hung up the phone

with her fiancé, 19-year-old Emmanuel Durant,

police say he was murdered by two masked men

who they believe were trying to rob his family

inside their home on Webster Street.

Payne, a freshman at Virginia State University,

says they were waiting to get married.

She held my hand as she showed us

He loved his family.

He would do anything for his family.

And I just wish that I coulda told him

that I love him, 'cause I do love him.

*

-Careful. -Justin.

Watch out, boo.

Come on.

*

Certain pain is worth another pain.

You know?

And certain pain does not go away.

You have to...

you have to just keep carrying that pain.

*

*

Emmanuel was on his way.

*

This is like kinda hurtin' my faith.

*

*

No, I'm not!

*

*

Yeah, they definitely said,

you know, to get a copy photo.

I assume that's Emmanuel over there?

Yes.

He had just got accepted to be a cadet

for the fire department.

And that's what he was looking forward to.

That's all he talked about.

So he was already in rescue mode in his head, you know?

Wow.

So they're feeling it was random,

as far as they know right now?

Yeah, but...

Yeah, you gotta get in the mind of a criminal,

-right, so how do you... -Mm-hm.

-And they could have seen ya... -Well, it's him.

Seen him.

*

I mean, Smurf, I'm not trying to upset him,

but I'm trying to make him realize

what took place, and he still doesn't get it.

He doesn't wanna accept that.

He doesn't wanna accept that...

he doesn't wanna accept the fact that

somebody got jealous.

He doesn't wanna accept that.

and thought that he had money,

you follow what I'm saying?

That he had money because of his car

and the way he was dressing

and what they saw.

*

I'm just hurting, you know, in a way,

because one son triggered the events

to cause this situation.

*

He really does need to take a look at hisself.

*

What you want the shirt to say?

"Save me a spot up there."

put it on their shirt.

"You'll be my man forever, I love you."

That's about it, "I miss you, cuzo."

That's about it.

"Till we meet again, we'll always miss you"?

Okay.

All right.

Damn, this person's birthday was a day before Emmanuel's

and he died four months before Emmanuel.

Okay. I want this picture

and the picture that has, um,

Carmen and Emmanuel, the prom picture.

Ma'am, the picture is already scanned, so I'm gonna--

Okay, yeah. I wonder, can you merge the two of 'em

-like kinda together? -Yeah.

How many prints for this?

I got two shirts over there.

Yeah, mm-hm.

*

* I could have another you by tomorrow *

* You must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me *

* I could have another you in a minute *

* Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby *

*

*

Uh, this is a Christmas card that I gave him.

It said "Merry Christmas."

I used to--like, I used to tell him I hate him,

and I'd be like, "Where's my money at?"

So I put that in the card.

Yeah. I guess somebody he went to school with, maybe.

Yeah.

Oh, look, that person is buried at Harmony,

same place where he's gonna be buried at.

So, hopefully, maybe this is one of his friends.

He'll be, you know, there with one of his friends.

I bought him this little alarm clock

so he could put-- just so he could have one,

I guess just to have.

And I guess that's it.

I want to take his deodorant

so I can have his smell with me.

I think I'll take that.

Even though it's been a while since he's been in here,

but it's still just--

No, you know this was Emmanuel's room.

*

*

*

My baby.

My baby.

*

I can't dispute what God has done.

I just don't think it was your time, baby.

I just don't.

But I love you, and I want you back so much.

I want you back, I wish you would come back.

I wish they hadn't done this to you.

I wish this hadn't happened, baby.

You're too young.

*

*

*

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Now that's been in question for however long

human beings have been on the earth.

In fact, if you explore Job,

that's what Job is really questioning.

"Look, I'm not deserving of any of this!

I'm not deserving of any of this calamity

that has happened to me and my family

because I've been a good man,

I've been a man who has worshiped God

even when folk around me were not doing

what they were supposed to be doing.

I'm the one that got up in the morning

looking to the Lord, and how could all this stuff go on?"

*

God, how could you allow brother Emmanuel Durant

to be taken away from us?

*

I have set before you today

the ways of life and death.

Which will you choose?

*

*

Emmanuel's case now is a cold case.

*

They probably did want to find Emmanuel's killer,

but they're regular cops.

*

At the end of the day, they had no leads

or there was no witnesses.

Nobody saw their faces, so I feel they did their job

to the best of their ability.

The way shit works right now and the way stuff goin' in DC,

these cops got too much.

Like, now, DC got over a hundred-something homicides,

and that's just this year alone.

Every year it grows.

It's hard to focus on one person's death

when you've got 90 more cases just like it.

*

*

*

Eat it up.

Come on, it's time to get up.

Justin...

Justin!

Jay!

Jay, Jay, come on, it's time to wake up.

Come on, get up!

Get up.

Get up, get up, get up.

I'm gonna let you fall, if you don't want to fall,

you better start walking.

Time to get ready for school.

My name is Justin Sanford.

I am nine years old.

My favorite subjects are math, science,

social studies, and reading.

I could wear these.

I will wear these.

They look like shorts.

*

I live with my mom, Denice.

I live with my Uncle Smurf.

I live with my sister, Faith,

my turtle, Turtle Wayne,

the other turtle, Turtle Wayne, Jr.,

and one bunny.

*

*

Some people say I remind them of my Uncle Emmanuel

because of the way my feet look,

the way we stand.

Sometimes they say the way we smile,

sometimes they say the way we act,

sometimes they say the way we play or fight,

or sometimes they'll just say the ears.

*

*

I grew up in this house.

*

I moved back in 2011 because my father passed away.

*

But we've decided to sell

because we cannot get a loan,

and it's senseless to let the house

continue to deteriorate.

*

There's a rag over there in the bucket.

There should be two rags over there.

Get the rags, start wiping some of this stuff off.

That's Uncle Emmanuel.

He was my uncle.

-Was he a fun uncle? -Yes.

We went to stores, we played games.

He saved our life.

When he was about-- when he was about--

when he was shot, he--he told us to get out.

Why did he tell us to get out of the house?

-Who was in the house? -Robbers, and they had guns,

and they were trying to rob Uncle Smurf.

And, then, Uncle Emmanuel came downstairs

and he was trying to help Uncle Smurf,

and he started beating up the man,

then the gun fell inside.

Uncle Emmanuel tried to pick it up,

but then the other boy shot him in the leg.

I don't know.

On January 13th of 2016,

the defendant was in a vehicle that was traveling

without a functioning front left headlight.

That vehicle was pulled over

in accordance with the traffic stop,

and when the officers did a search of the vehicle,

the officers recovered a vial

that was filled with an amber liquid

consisting with PCP.

Mr. Sanford, I've received your plea agreement

and waiver of trial.

Has anyone promised you anything else

in exchange for your decision to plead guilty?

-No, Your Honor. -Has anyone forced you

to waive your right to have a trial?

Have you had enough time to think about your decision

to enter into the guilty plea?

And, Ms. Cresta-Savage, could you place on the record

what you've advised Mr. Sanford

concerning the maximum sentence that he could face?

Yes, Your Honor, in this case,

uh, the maximum sentence, I believe, is 30 years

-and/or a $500,000 fine. -Okay, and, Mr. Sanford,

do you have any questions about the maximum sentence

that you could face?

So, Mr. Sanford then will remain released

pending sentencing in this case.

*

*

Smurf is haunted by the fact

that his actions caused that tragedy.

*

And there's one thing

that the demon still has around him.

*

I don't see what he sees in putting embalming fluid

into his system.

*

I think it makes him numb and forget,

but it's killing him and he needs to stop.

*

All I'm doing is skipping rocks.

High score!

Around here, there's like all--

You see all these shoes that be hanging up,

it means somebody--they died

because people get shot around here.

Let's go.

Hm.

*

*

*

*

But my mom said I could come out

after I put my pants on.

Three days snowed in.

And not enough space.

This apartment is not big enough.

Like I said, the apartment is too small.

Hey, hey, let's not have a conniption

in the small kitchen, let's go out there

to the even smaller living room

to have a conniption.

I don't care if I was in a matchbox.

Okay, it gets kind of-- it gets kind of hectic in here.

All right, I'm not gonna fold, I'm not gonna lie,

I'm not gonna say-- I'm kind of lazy.

Once upon a time, we had to live--

we had to live in a room, all of us.

But, but I'm the one who gets up,

go to work, yeah.

My hat is off to you when it comes to that,

but--but my hat--my hat--

my hat stays on my head

when it comes to your organization.

I know I can do better, but hey.

How many times a day do I clean the bathroom, huh?

Why are you asking them? What do they know?

-They know. -I'm kind of lazy.

Having Cheryl move back has been hard.

It's back like when I was

a child or something.

But Cheryl has a lot of issues of her own.

A lot of problems that go wrong in her life,

she wants someone to blame

instead of pointing the finger at herself.

I mean, she still does her coke thing.

Her usage is almost now like an everyday thing.

Like, before, it wasn't like that.

I can't force her to stop.

It's her own decision.

But I don't know, it's just getting

to be too much now.

*

It doesn't make me forget or make me numb.

It makes me feel, and that's what I want to do sometimes,

I want to feel.

*

Why would I want to be faced every day

that I know that my family is not complete anymore,

you know, that he was robbed of his life, he was stolen?

I feel there's a parallel universe

where he's not dead and he's married to Carmen,

and they have children,

and he's the chief of the fire department,

and I visit, we have cookouts, we go to the beach,

we go on vacation together.

It's just like some of those love stories

you see on Lifetime, okay?

That's how it is.

The big Christmas, you know,

where on Christmas Eve the whole family comes over

to Grandma's house and everybody spends the night,

and we go to midnight mass,

then we come back and eat some food,

and open up one present, and go to bed,

and then in the morning, we get up

and eat a big breakfast, and everybody opens up

their presents, you know?

It's--it's real.

It's real.

What's your name? What's your whole name?

-Faith. -Faith what?

Faith Carmen Destiny Sanford.

Right. Faith Carmen Destiny Sanford.

I told her it was gonna be Emmanuel or Carmen.

So I named her Carmen.

If Emmanuel was here, I probably would have

a baby by now.

I'd probably be married.

But the hardest part was anniversary time

or, like, in the beginning,

I didn't really--I didn't really want to go to Outback,

and everybody knows Outback is my favorite restaurant.

I can go to Outback every day.

But I don't want to be bothered with Outback

because that's where Emmanuel--me and Emmanuel

used to go all the time.

And I guess when relationships started to fail,

like I after I started dating, if they failed,

I got very angry, just like, "Well, if Emmanuel was here,

I wouldn't have to deal with this,"

or, "Emmanuel would never let this happen."

I still do that to this day.

And I used to, you know, offend.

I think I said it in front of one of my boyfriends one time

and he got very offended, but I really didn't care.

No one will be able to replace Emmanuel in her heart

because Emmanuel will always be Emmanuel,

but she will find love.

*

My brother, he--he looked up to me.

*

And I want to prove to him that I can do better

'cause I can.

*

"Larry turned my dollar over and over,

and I started getting nervous.

'You know what, Kenny?'

'What?' I held my breath.

'This is some real strange stuff,

but I lost 50 cents over on Kennelworth yesterday.'"

Last time I got locked up,

this was, like, 2013,

when I came home, Takel was like,

"I thought you said you wouldn't

get locked up no more, Dad."

Certain things hit you hard.

I want to make my sons proud.

I want to set an example.

My example is--it's not good.

*

What you want to eat 'cause y'all are some picky people.

I'm not about to go ahead

and whip up eight different things.

So what--what would you like?

What I have to eat that I was making for my children,

that they're gonna eat 'cause there ain't gonna be

no ifs, ands, or buts,

was some roast that we made last night.

Now if you don't want roast,

let me give you another option.

Noodles or bread and water.

-I want noodles! -Noodles!

-Noodles! -I want noodles!

Everybody want noodles?

What did I sign myself up for?

Smurf got in trouble and got his dumb ass arrested

right out front of the house.

It's frustrating 'cause we all getting older,

and then with everything that's going on with our mother,

it's getting played out.

I love all my nieces and nephews,

but I have to raise my own kids.

So if he get locked up,

I'm not taking that responsibility

like I've done before.

Please don't get no noodles on my bed or my floor!

They just don't care, uh-uh, uh-uh.

Where is Smurf?

*

The bathroom don't lock no more.

I can't even go to the bathroom

'cause they bust in the bathroom.

They want something every two seconds.

"I'm hungry, I'm thirsty."

I love my kids, that's what I'm supposed to do,

but shit, I be wanting, like, ten minutes,

just ten minutes to just do anything.

Like, I don't even get that.

I got paid today.

My check was literally $700.

My rent is 535,

my motherfucking gas, two-something.

My whole fucking check gone.

I didn't care.

I didn't cry about it.

I came in here and paid all my bills.

*

Oh my God, you're heavy!

Walk! Start walking 'cause I can't...

See, look, I fell back down, look.

Come on, start walking.

I don't know where to go.

, I'm sorry.

-Okay. -Thank you.

I was looking at you, you got a long history.

And I noticed it started in 2002.

Didn't you say your brother passed?

So I was coming up,

but definitely since my brother passed.

Around that time, maybe I do get a little depressed

and want to probably use more.

But, um, he said something about counseling,

and I never thought about

getting counseling or none of that.

When you've experienced some trauma like that

and just the different things you've been going through,

it'd probably be in your best interest

to get with a counselor, just get out what it is

inside you, what's happening.

But the light has to come on, you've got to want that.

My mother has been fighting a long addiction

throughout her life.

"Maybe if I show her that I could, you know,

stay on the right path

and continue to stay on this right path,

then she'll look at me and want to do something different."

Then I got my children, that's the thing

that I think about most.

My older son, he 11, his brother about to be ten,

so you know, they're getting to that age

where I just want to put as much time in with 'em I can.

As a matter of fact, here's the thing,

a decision was made and consequences follow,

so it doesn't matter whether the decision was made today

or whether it was made 30 years ago, it impacts.

So right now, you're making a decision

to want the right path, and trust me,

it's gonna have an impact on your children,

your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren,

years from now.

It's hard to believe, but you do have

that impact on your family.

How is everybody doing this evening?

-Good! -Good, sir!

The weather is a little touchy out there, isn't it?

Yes, sir!

That's not everybody's voice.

-Yes, sir! -Everybody say, "Yes, sir!"

Yes, sir!

*

My hope for Justin is to be something in life.

He wants to be a firefighter like Emmanuel,

but if not a firefighter, to me, anything.

Just more than what people think of black men.

*

Like, now, I try to get him in sports and stuff,

just so he doesn't have to be on the streets.

*

I will work my butt off just to help him strive

to stay motivated to be a better person

'cause I don't want him to know what a jail looks like.

*

I want more for both of my children.

*

Okay, it shouldn't be too long.

What are we in? April, April showers.

Okay.

*

*

*

Hi, I don't mean to invade your privacy,

but my name is Cheryl Sanford.

I grew up in this house.

Okay. When did you grow up here?

Oh, I lived here my whole life.

*

When I was 12, I started to go to little parties,

little house parties.

And the social network

that my mother was pushing me into

was the upper elite crowd.

*

She was trying to get me to hobnob

with a better class of people.

*

And these boys decided I didn't belong.

*

They called and asked permission

to take me to a party.

He picks me up and then he goes

and picks up, like, five more guys.

He took me to the party, but he comes to me and lies.

He says, "Oh, I got to be home by 10:00,

so I've got to take you home now."

I don't know, so I get back in the car,

but here comes all these guys piling in the car,

and then another carload behind us.

And instead, they go to Rock Creek Park.

*

I was abused, I was raped.

But--well, they called that "gangbanging" back then.

*

That's called "gangbanging."

*

*

I've lost so much.

*

You know?

*

You just can't jump back into life,

you know what I'm saying?

You have to heal.

*

You have to heal.

*

*

*

*

For the past few years, I've been doing double shifts

at a daycare center.

*

But, now, I'm trying to become a special police officer

which is a security officer who can carry a gun.

*

It's a really dangerous job,

and it doesn't pay well, 13 bucks an hour.

*

But I take pride in protecting my neighborhood.

*

And it's the kind of job

that would've made Emmanuel proud.

*

I can't do it, it's too hard.

-I can't catch like that. -Keep your hands just like that

and wait for the ball.

Good job!

Throw it.

Every day, I always go over to Denice's house

to see Faith and Justin

'cause that's all my pride, those are my babies.

And I end up meeting someone

that lived in the same neighborhood

and it just took off from there.

With my new boyfriend, it is hard for him to understand

the love and dedication that I have to the family.

Faith and Justin feel like the kids

that me and Emmanuel would've had.

I mean, I treat them like they're my kids.

And it's kind of hard to explain

'cause I don't really know a lot of people who have

the kind of relationship that I have

with Denice and them.

*

My boyfriend had to come around.

It, you know, it took time, which is expected.

But, then, we worked on it.

Then, next thing you know,

he's buying something for Faith.

You can only grow to love this family.

*

Hi, my name is Cheryl Sanford, how are you?

Cheryl, A.J. Mitchell.

And what's got you coming in to get some help?

What made me come to this decision?

My age, one, and my family, two.

I want to break the cycle.

I don't want to see my grandchildren

go down this path.

I don't want to see...

...my children continue to do

the little things that they do.

Mm-hm. How old were you when your son died?

-That was six years ago. -And how did he die?

-He was murdered. -Wow.

Yeah.

And it was the result of...

I'm not gonna say it was my fault, but I know

my thought process played a key part in it

and my environment.

Let me ask you this:

What are you willing to do to stop it?

-Whatever is necessary. -Oh, that's pretty broad.

What I find is necessary for me today,

I have to be confined somewhere

for a certain amount of time.

Okay.

And, today, I can sit here comfortably

and let you know that it's possible.

And, you know, some of this stuff

may take some time to get through it,

but you've got to do the work and it's got to come from you.

I know you love your grandkids and your daughter

and all this, but they can't...

Uh-uh. I know that, yeah.

Okay. I'm gonna set it up for you.

I appreciate it.

*

*

Akil, that's my little man.

He don't even want to be around me like that.

I don't know, maybe 'cause he getting old,

I don't know what it is.

But reading that letter,

I just want to be there for 'em

as they get older.

*

-Daddy, guess what? -What?

I got $20 for doing 110 push-ups.

The first 50 were with no stops.

But, then--but then the second 59--

Do 50 straight right here now.

I can do 20 straight.

Is it like this?

Push up, straighten your body out, the back.

Hey, what are you doing?

Your arms are too in.

Diamond, this helps you.

*

Seven, eight, nine, ten,

eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen...

Hey, Justin, you're the same exact age

Emmanuel was when he got his first video camera

and started recording everything.

Right, mm-hm.

It's almost like I'm witnessing it

all over again, like it's been a rerun, you know?

Does that mean I got-- does that mean I got

eleven more years until I die?

Oh, no!

Uh-uh, don't say that!

Mm-mm.

Twelve, sir!

Thirteen, sir!

Fourteen, sir!

Fifteen, sir!

Sixteen, sir!

Seventeen, sir!

Eighteen, sir!

Nineteen, sir!

Twenty, sir!

-All the white belts, stand up! -Yes, sir!

Okay, the judges want to see that all together

as one team.

Again.

*

-Ha! -Good, white belts, yeah?

Yes, sir!

-Face the window. -Yes, sir!

White belts, take off that belt.

*

Justin Sanford!

*

Justin, congratulations.

Thank you, sir.

Turn around, hold it up.

-Give him a hand. -Go, Justin!

Hold it up high!

Eh, Justin!

*

All righty!

I'm so proud of you!

-Hang it up there. -Oh, boy!

You got the real yellow belt.

-I told you. -My baby got a yellow belt!

He's on his way.

He's on his way.

*

This is what has to be done.

*

I'm not the person that I could have been

for my children, and I'm not the person

I could be for my grandchildren.

I'm 61, and it has cost me my life.

*

I'm going to detox

'cause I want to be totally abstinent.

*

*

*

For the last 12 years, he's repeatedly picked up

drug charges and distribution charges.

At this point, we feel that some jail time is appropriate.

Ms. Cresta-Savage, on behalf of Mr. Sanford.

I don't think anything would be served

by incarcerating this individual at this time.

He's been on time for every hearing,

he's been very conscientious about this,

and I believe that he's turning his life around

and can prove to the court that he will continue to do so

given that he's employed

and taking care of his family, et cetera.

I think if you hang time over his head,

he'll show you that he'll be worthy

of probation, Your Honor.

And, Mr. Sanford, do you maintain

your employment with Giant?

Okay, and what are your job responsibilities there?

Okay, and are your children currently residing with you?

Okay, and, Mr. Sanford, what would you attribute

your turnaround with your drug testing to?

What do you think has been the cause of that?

What's been most helpful for you?

Okay, well, in this case,

I think Mr. Sanford should be commended

for the fact that since February 16th

he appears to have refrained from any illicit drug use

as well as maintain stable, verifiable employment.

And so, in this case, I'd be inclined to agree

with the defense that I think it would be a disservice

to the community and a disservice to Mr. Sanford

who has achieved a level of stability

to take Mr. Sanford out of the community

perhaps only to disrupt the substantial progress

-that he's made. -Okay.

*

The judge, instead of incarcerating me,

she gave me probation.

*

I feel ecstatic, relieved, joyful

because instead of hanging with my son,

I could be sitting in a jail cell.

Come on over.

But like I said, the judge, she's seeing something in me

that I'm seeing now, a change.

*

You know, since I've been in here,

I've had a lot of time to think about a lot of things,

and you and I have not had one moment

where you and I grieved together about Emmanuel.

Mm-hm.

At one time, I was very angry with you

and I felt like

it was your fault.

But I don't harbor those feelings anymore.

I'm not angry anymore, and I don't blame you anymore.

I just ask you to forgive me.

You have a life that you have to live for your children.

And the main thing I want you to know

is I don't want my mistakes that I made with you,

for you to make the same mistakes

in the rearing of your children.

My decisions I made, I don't blame you for none of that.

Like, in my phone I got "Number One Ma"

'cause I love you, you know.

I don't, you know, you're the number one mom to me,

you know what I'm saying?

I moved forward, you know.

It's like I always think about Emmanuel,

but like you said, I still have my children

and my own life, so I don't want to be depressed daily,

so I try to, you know,

I just think about positive stuff,

and I want you to do the same.

It makes me...

very happy.

And I'm grateful

that you don't hold any grudges against me

or feel that I was a bad mom.

Thank you for saying that here.

-I love you. -Love you, too, honey.

*

*

I see.

*

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*

*

*

*

*

*

"Emmanuel Durant, Jr.

January 14th, 1990.

December 31, 2009.

Our loving hero, son, brother, and uncle."

*

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