Original subtitles

Remember, Pugsley,

the post office relies on us to ensure

their carriers quit before reaching retirement.

[ SIGN: 'BEWARE OF EVERYTHING' ]

You didn't finish setting the trap.

But I did everything you said.

Are you positive you didn't forget anything?

Everything looks alright?

I don't know why it didn't work.

I do.

Sometimes it's just too easy.

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Darling, a perfect bullseye.

Try and top that!

Oh dear, you meant that metaphorically, didn't you?

Mail's in!

Fester, you completely destroyed my concentration and threw off my aim.

Thank you.

Hey, it's a letter from the McAddams family.

I've never heard of them.

Oh, it says here they're distant relatives,

and they're coming for a visit on the 15th.

Gomez,

isn't today the 15th?

By George, you're right.

We've never heard from them before.

Suddenly they show up with no notice.

How rude and inconsiderate.

They're family, alright!

There's so much to do.

I'm not ready for company.

I'll have to get out the good explosives!

Mama,

we need you to prepare a very special meal.

Who died?

Even better than that,

long lost relatives are coming to visit!

The McAddamses...

Those low-down, backstabbing, double-crossing scum!

Those...

And I mean that in the bad way.

You've met them?

Of course not.

The Addamses and McAddamses have been feuding for generations.

What was the feud about?

I don't know.

No one ever told me.

Well, perhaps they're coming to patch things up?

Never!

We're Addamses.

They're McAddamses.

And never the twain shall meet!

Fester, you don't even know what we're feuding about.

Doesn't matter.

I also don't know what "twain" means.

Oh, and to think!

I was going to share my best explosives with them.

Oh.

Nothing says lovin', like something from the coven.

Lurch!

This room is positively dismal.

My compliments!

Did you put a vase of fresh thorns in the guest room?

Dirty towels in the bath?

Now, querida, relax!

You've done everything you can to make certain

the McAddamses are as uncomfortable as possible.

Not everything.

Those tricky McAddamses make one wrong move...

I'll blast 'em back where they came from!

Fester, if they were coming to attack, why would they write in war notes?

They always wear a sneaky bunch.

Now, Mama, Fester, they may be our blood enemies.

They're also our blood relatives.

Or maybe I'll just fire a warning shot over their heads.

No, Fester.

Yeah, but I...

It's time the Addamses and McAddamses have put this feud behind them.

And they've come all this way for a nice family visit.

Yeah, but...

Yoohoo!

Anybody home?

C'mon, gang!

Hurry it up!

We're coming!

You must be the McAddamses.

Welcome to our home!

We've been looking forward to your visit ever since we got your letter.

... Two hours ago.

I'm Gomez.

This is my lovely wife, Morticia.

My fascinating brother, Fester.

My marvelous mother, Eudora.

And our butler, Lurch.

I'm Pa.

This is my lovely wife, Ma.

Hi.

The little one.

That's Peewee.

That old freeloader.

That's Geezer.

Geezer?

I don't see any Geezer.

Geezer?

Get your sorry sack of bones in here.

Sorry...

I can't take a cannon ball the way I used to.

I'm too old for this shootin' huey...

I must apologize for Fester.

You see, he thought you were coming here to settle a score on the old family feud.

We are.

If I were the kind of person to say, "I told you so."

This is probably where I'd say it.

We were just having a little fun with ya.

Gotcha, didn't we?

Yeah.

My life passed before my eyes.

You know, I should never wear plaid.

Right.

Who knows what that old... feud was about anyway?

Yeah, 'n who cares?

It was a long time ago.

Yep.

Um.

Feuding over some ancient half-forgotten disagreement does seem kind of silly.

You callin' my kinfolk silly!?

Put that down.

We're here to make nice~!

Sorry.

Peewee!

Fetch our bags!

Yes, Mom.

Oh, Lurch will be happy to get your bags.

Ah, she's eight.

'Bout time she started earnin' her own keep!

Wow.

An 1848 Krupnik Blunderstrasse!

May I?

Go ahead.

It ain't loaded.

... anymore.

Cousin Ma, Cousin Pop,

what are you doing out here?

We had the guest room freshly dusted.

With fresh dust.

Well, you can keep your fancy guest room.

You know there are rocks in the mattresses?

I hope they weren't too small.

Why'd you go 'n ruin a perfectly good rock, by puttin' in a mattress?

Yeah, back home, Geezer sleeps up in a train... !

Dang tree ain't got enough force to hold me in... !

I'm getting too old for this tree-climbing huey... !

Night?

Well, good night.

Good night.

Cousin Ma, Lurch will take care of that!

Someone puttin' their dirty fingers all over our unmentionables!?

Sorry, we mentioned it.

That means that night I'm right unsanitary!

Geezer, you're soaking wet.

Yeah, I just went for a swim in your swamp.

You got some mighty big alligators in there.

I hope they didn't bother you. Heh.

They can be rather playful.

Yes, they make such wonderful pets.

Those were your pets... !?

Whoops.

They're my square dancing boots now.

[ UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER ]

[ BLOWS DUCK CALL WHISTLE ]

[ RIBBIT]

You sure this is a good place for huntin'?

Absolutely.

I come here all the time.

Of course,

I don't have...

... quite as nice a shotgun as you do.

Why don't you give her a try?

Oh boy, would I!

[ CACKLES in DELIGHT ]

[ RIBBIT, RIBBIT ]

There he is!

[ ACTUAL RIBBIT, RIBBIT ]

[ BOOM! ]

[ LAUGHS ]

Did I get 'im?

Oh -- !

But you got somethin' else.

What?

This here's real gold!

Oh, great.

First I miss,

then I strike gold.

This must be my unlucky day.

Fester!

What's going on?

Did you bag anything interesting for supper?

No.

I was out with Cousin Pa, huntin' for a toad.

When underneath a rock, I find this glimmering gold.

He was using my gun.

So, by all rights,

this gold's mine.

Oh, that's very generous of you to offer to help clean up the yard.

But we couldn't let you do that.

You're our guest.

That's the way you want it.

[ TAKES back RIFLE from FESTER ]

Feud's back on.

So the feud's back on,

and the McAddamses are packing their things.

What a shame.

The children were getting along so well.

I heard Wednesday and Peewee were planning a brand new torture for Pugsley.

S'hard to believe someone could be so upset

over a bright shiny lump of precious metal.

If they wanted that badly, maybe we should just give it to them.

What'd I tell ya, Ma?

Never trust a man.

You got that right, Pa.

Cousin Ma, Cousin Pa, this is a simple misunderstanding.

You callin' us simple!?

If you want the gold, please, take it.

Yeah, like I'm gonna fall for that old trick.

Watch out for that trap... !

[ SCREAMING ]

... door.

There ain't no way...

I'm gonna let...

... an Addams,

humiliate us like that.

This is war.

[ SMACK! ]

Ma, what was that one for?

Nuttin'.

Just got caught up in the moment. [ CHORTLES ]

[ HOISTING ANVIL UP ]

Hurry it up, Pa.

They're comin'!

I'm almost done.

Hurry it up.

Alright.

Go, go!

Cousin Ma?

Cousin Pa?

You around here?

Lurch said he saw them come this way.

I must tell you, querida.

Those McAddamses, they're quite the enigma.

Oo.

[ GIANT MACE SWINGS from CEILING ]

[ ROAR ]

Yes,

it seems everything we do makes them more angry.

I know, querida.

Maybe they just need to... let off a little steam.

Perhaps you're right, darling.

What sort of hosts would we be

if they wanted a pointless, protracted battle

and we didn't fight back?

[ DOOR OPENS ]

Daggone it!

What went wrong?

I don't know.

As soon as he stepped on this 'X', it was shoulda -- !

[ CLANG! ]

... done that.

[ FAINTS, CRASH! ]

Pa?

Pa?

Wadja doin' down there?

Just because our folks are feudin', Pugsley,

doesn't mean we haveta.

But I thought that's how it worked.

I don't see why it should keep us from playin' togetha.

Oh, okay.

So, what do you want to play?

[ SUDDENLY PULLS ROPE ]

Prisoner of War!

Cousin Ma?

Cousin Pa?

Geezer?

Peewee?

Are you out here?

We just want to talk.

[ CACKLING, SKULKING AROUND ]

You got a lot of dang nerve comin' out here unarmed.

Unarmed? Perhaps.

Unprepared? Never.

[ HITS DETONATOR SWITCH ]

Ah!

What in tarnation?

Ugh.

What is it you wanted?

We've been over thinking this whole notion of a feud.

While generation upon generation of senseless violence does sound appealing,

chances are we'll all be long dead before it settles.

We would miss out on all the fun.

So what do you have in mind?

A duel to the death!

Sounds good to me.

Gentlemen?

Take your weapons.

Swords are for sissies.

[ HOOTING and HOLLARING ]

You expect to fight a duel to the death with peashooters like that?!

Peashooters!

[ CACKLING ]

[ GUFFAWS ]

What is this, some sort of hedge trimmin' contest!?

[ LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY ]

I'm running out of weaponry!

[ FRUSTRATED YELL ]

Eughh, Geezer!

You dastardly fiend!

I don't have a banjo!

Don't worry, darling.

I thought it might come to this.

I had one sent, special deliverance.

[ HANDS HIM BANJO ]

[ PLAYING LATIN TUNE on BANJO ] ♪

Child's play!

[ BANJO PLAYING ] ♪

[ BOTH PLAYING ] ♪

♪

Swing your partner!

[ GOMEZ drops BANJO, MUSIC still PLAYING... ] ♪

♪

... round 'n round!

Do-si-do!

[ WINDED ] Tish, what side are you on?

Sorry.

I'm getting too old for this... square-action huey.

Not bad,

but can you do this?

[ SHOOTS FLAMING ARROW ]

[ LANDS on his BANJO ]

Ahh -- !

Well done, darling.

No, I'd say medium rare.

But it'll be well-done shortly!

I don't have!

[ BLOWS ]

I been cooked, Addams!

[ BLOWS AIR ]

You win!

[ BLOWS ]

Th-The feud's... !

[ BLOWS out FLAME ]

... over!

Woohoooooo~!

[ GOMEZ plays TRIUMPHANTLY ] ♪

We're so sorry you have to leave on such good terms.

So're we.

You don't want to forget this. [ HOLDS up GOLD ]

But... you won.

And you lost.

So you're stuck with it.

Here. [ HANDS him the GOLD ]

[ CACKLING ]

Well, y'all come 'n visit now, y'hear?

I thought you might like something to nibble on on your long trip.

So I baked you one of my key slime surprise pies.

Ah, thank you.

Wait until we're in the truck!

Now come on, Pa.

I want to get to Death Valley,

while those scorpions are still crawling.

Don't rush me, Ma.

We'll go when I say!

I say, we go.

Mama, I've had your key slime pie, before.

But what's the surprise?

[ EXPLOSION! ]

Ooh... !

[ CRASH! ]

[ SKELETON LAUGHING ]

I'm gettin' too old for this...

... blowin' up huey, ugh.....

Addams,

you ain't heard the last of us.

Mama,

I think you may have started a brand new feud.

It's tradition.

if you can't have a senseless, bitter feud with family,

who can you have it with?

[ KISSING TISH's ARM ]

It was nice having a feud in the house, wasn't it, cara mia?

Yes.

I believe that's why we decided to have children.

Hey, look!

We got a postcard from the McAddamses.

Oh, I hope their trip back home was unpleasant.

Look, it says they sold the golde nugget,

and moved to Beverly.

... Hills, that is amazing.

Hey, Pa left me his ol' scatter gun.

Fester, be careful!

It might be a booby trap.

You think so?

Hmm?

Darn!

You know, Tish,

it's nice just hanging around the house.

Mais oui, mon cher...

[ GASP ] Tish! That's French.

It's French!

[ STRUGGLING to KISS HER ]

Awooo.... !