Original subtitles

[ FESTER, DIGGING up GRAVE ]

[ REST of ADULT FAMILY MEMBERS WATCHING HIM... ]

I found it... !

I got it!

Euuuureka! Haha! [ HOLDS up TIME CAPSULE ]

Grandpapa's time capsule!

Fantastic!

Now we can see what life was like back in his day.

It's hard to believe that's been in the ground for fifty years.

I hope there's some stale cigars in there!

Hurry up, Fester! [ GRANNY BOUNCING EXCITEDLY ]

[ GRUNT of EFFORT, OPENS CAPSULE ]

[ GRIMACES from SMELL ]

Anything good!?

[ REACHES HAND IN, PULLS OUT... ]

It's the shrunken head that Grandpapa found,

when he was vacationing in the jungles of Koka Loka.

[ FLINGS it BEHIND HIM ] [ SHRUNKE HEAD YELLS! ]

What else is inside?

[ PULLS OUT... ] Solid gold bar... ! [THROWS IT ]

[ CLASHES on GROUND ]

Priceless jewels... [ THROWS THOSE ]

Some chicken... [ THROWS THAT ]

... An...vil... ! [ GRUNTS as he THROWS IT ]

[ CLANKS on GROUND ]

Just a bunch of rare stuff.

Like we need any more of that.

Ooh!

Lurch.

Hold this.

[ TAKES OUT TICKING BOMB ]

Wow.

The very first transistor time bomb!

Fester, when is the time bomb set to explode?

[ BEEP BEEP... BOOM! ]

[ ADDAMSES FLUNG INTO AIR ]

[ CRASH! ]

[ FAMILY GETS UP, DUSTS THEMSELVES OFF ]

[ STAGGERING TO FEET, BUT HAPPY ]

Now that's what I call a blast from the past!

[ SINGED FAMILY NODS HAPPILY ]

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

[ GURGLING NOISE ]

My dear Patry, you are ticklish! [ ATTENDING to her VENUS FLY TRAP ]

Good morning, Wednesday.

'No school?

No school building.

Pugsley's science project actually worked this time.

How nice.

You can help me get Cleopatra ready for the Plant Show.

What should I do?

Well...

Her fangs need a good sharpening,

but I suppose we ought to feed her, first.

Fresh emu eyeball... ? [ PICKS UP PLATE ]

[ SCARFS EYEBALLS DOWN ]

Masticate, Cleopatra. [ moves 'MOUTH' up and down ]

If you don't chew your food, you'll end up with a "stem"-y ache!

[ WRAPS SCALE AROUND HER ]

Cleopatra!

You've gained five pounds.

I'm putting you on a strict diet and exercise regimen.

[ GROWLING, SHAKING HER MAW ]

No more between-rat snacks!

[ CLEOPATRA the VENUS FLY TRAP, SHAKING HEAD and GRUMBLING ! ]

[ LAUNCHES a VINE ]

[ PULLS CART TOWARDS SELF ]

[ MORTICIA and WEDNESDAY STOP CART-GRABBING ]

Cleopatra!

[ CLEOPATRA SNARLING ]

Let go, Cleopatra!

[ GRABS "FOOD", TAKES IT AWAY ]

Naughty plant!

[ GRUMBLE ]

[ SIGHING GRUMBLE ]

[ FESTER, ADJUSTING ELECTRIC CHAIR ]

[ SIGHS, PUTS TOOL DOWN ]

[ ELECTROCUTED! ]

Oh.

[ ELECTROCUTED! ]

What's the matter, old man?

You sigh as though you just won the lottery.

Oh, this old electric chair is driving me crazy.

The voltage regulator either blocks out the entire neighbourhood.

Or,

gives out less power than a lightning bug.

You should stop trying to fix this old thing and get yourself one of these.

[ HANDS OVER 'TORTURE TIMES' MAGAZINE, ADVERTISING 'THE EXECUTIONER 2000' on COVER ]

The Executioner 2000.

The Executioner 2000.

Wow.

Now that's a state-of-the-art electric chair!

I've been dying to get one of these for months.

But the stores are all either sold out or under indictment.

Well, it says here the magazine is giving one away free.

A poetry contest?

[ READING MAGAZINE DESCRIPTION ] 'Compose an ode to your favourite torture, and win an Executioner 2000'!

I'll do it! [ SMACKS GOMEZ with MAGAZINE ]

[ GOMEZ FALLS, STUMBLES onto ELECTRIC CHAIR ]

[ GOMEZ BEING ELECTROCUTED ]

[ SUDDENLY LAUNCHED INTO AIR ]

Sorry!

... Whoa!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

[ PACING and WAVING stick of MEAT ]

Falling from the sky, in a fiery blaze!

Crashing to the earth like a thunderous...

... electric guitar.

[ CLEOPATRA PURRS ]

That's not bad.

I think I'm gonna write that one down!

[ CLEO PURRING ]

[ ABOUT TO BITE MEAT STICK... ]

[ PURRING ]

Alright.

You can have a little taste!

[ PURRING EXCITEDLY ]

[ FESTER STICKS HAND with MEAT in CLEO'S MAW ]

Ahh!

[ CLEO CLAMPS DOWN ON HIS HAND AS WELL ]

Save some for me... ! Agh... !

[ GRUNTS, PULLS BONE OUT... PICKED CLEAN of MEAT ]

Thanks for nothin'!

[ CLEO BELCHES ]

[ SIGN SAYS: 'FEED THE CARNIVOROUS PLANT' ]

[ CLEO GROWLS ]

[ LURCH ENTERS, with a PLATTER ]

[ LURCH FEEDS CLEO ]

[ SIGN SAYS: 'WILL PHOTOSYNTHESIZE FOR FOOD' ]

[ GRANNY FEEDS CLEO ]

[ PATS HER HEAD ]

[ CLEO RINGING BELL for FOOD ]

[ WEDNESDAY FEEDS CLEO ]

[ MORTICIA WEIGHING CLEO ]

110 pounds... ?

[ CLEO PURR/GROWLING]

That's odd.

She still seems to be gaining weight.

[ CLEO GURGLING ]

Have you been doing your exercises?

[ CLEO GURGLES while LIFTING DUMBBELL ]

Wait a minute.

Cleopatra...

What's this... ?

[ GOMEZ NIBBLES BIT OF FOOD from CLEO's POT ]

... Spider cake crumbs?

[ CLEO GURGLING ]

[ GURGLES ]

[ GOMEZ OPENS UP HER MAW, LOOKS INSIDE ]

And eyelashes?

[ CLEO GURGLING ]

[ GOMEZ finds giant BONE ]

Thunder bone!

[ SCOLDINGLY ] Cleopatra!

The plant show is in two days.

[ CLEO PURRS SADLY ]

I'm putting you on a strict, liquid, diet.

[ HOLDS UP FLUID BAG, IV, and SYRINGE ]

[ MORTICIA PREPARES SYRINGE ]

Me, first! [ GOMEZ HOLDS UP FOREARM ]

[ WEDNESDAY TORTURING PUGSLEY ]

You may be wondering why I'm torturing you so early in the day.

Is it early?

I - I have an ailment.

[ SCREAMS as WEDNESDAY TIGHTENS GEARS ]

Okay, so maybe it crossed my mind.

[ WEDNESDAY RELEASES LEVER ]

What did you do with Marie Antoinette?

Your doll?

I - I - I haven't done anything with her!

[ WEDNESDAY SCOFFS/SIGHS ]

[ WEDNESDAY TIGHTENS GEARS, PUGSLEY SCREAMS in PAIN ]

I swear... !

Cross my heart, and hope to live!

I didn't think so,

but I had to be certain.

You are one of the usual suspects.

That's okay.

I understand.

[ TIGHTENS GEARS ]

[ SCREAMING ]

That one was just for fun.

[ CLEO GURGLING ]

Maybe the liquid diet isn't working. [ MORTICIA and GOMEZ PEERING INTO HER MOUTH ]

Cleopatra doesn't look well at all!

Maybe it's just indigestion.

Maybe we should try giving her a bicarbonate! [ HOLDS UP BOTTLE and MEDICINE ]

That's a wonderful idea! [ HOLDS UP FUNNEL and HOSE ]

Open wide, Cleopatra~

[ THEY STRUGGLE TO PUT MEDICINE IN HER MAW ]

Now Cleopatra, take your medicine like a good carnivorous plant... !

[ GOMEZ HOLDING HER MAW SHUT, MORTICIA PETTING HER HEAD ]

Are you thinking better, my sweet?

[ GIANT BELCH ]

[ BUBBLING NOISE ]

[ MORTICIA and GOMEZ look ALARMED, BACK AWAY from CLEOPATRA... ]

[ STILL BELCHING ]

[ ROOM SHAKING as CLEO BURPS ]

[ STILL BACKING AWAY ]

[ GURGLING LIKE CRAZY ]

[ CLEO PROJECTILE-VOMITS at GOMEZ ]

Aughhhhhhh!

Aughhh!

[ GOMEZ, SOAKED ]

[ MORTICIA WALKS BACK ]

Oh.

[ CLEO SETTLES DOWN... ]

I take that as a "no".

[ BELCHES LOUDLY ]

[ PROJECTILE VOMITS all over GOMEZ AGAIN ]

I have to win this contest, Mama.

Do you think this spell o' yours will really work?

Piece of cake.

That easy, huh?

No.

That's the first ingredient.

Now.

[ TOSSING INGREDIENTS IN as she LISTS THEM ]

Leg of frog...

Snout of hog...

And a piece of gold... for a winning poll!

[ FLASH of SMOKE emits from CAULDRON ]

[ TINY SPINNING MAN APPEARS ]

Oops... [ GRANNY RESTS CHIN ON HAND ]

... ?

[ SPINNING NOISE, FESTER TURNS AROUND ]

Did someone call for a Spinning Gnome?

Oh, that's not even close... !

Thanks a lot.

Is that the only spell you've got?

Perhaps if I added toe of tick... ?

Never mind, Mama.

That did the trick!

[ FESTER, at DESK with TYPEWRITER ]

'Electric chair, your vaults aren't there.'

That's not too bad.

If I win this, I'll be glad!

Uh-oh, my rhymes are neverending.

I think my brain might need some mending... !

[ CLUTCHES HEAD IN DESPAIR ]

[ FESTER TYPING FURIOUSLY... ]

[ CHILDREN ENTER ROOM, DRESSED as DETECTIVES looking for CLUES ]

[ FESTER TYPING... ]

[ PUGSLEY HOLDS UP MAGNIFYING GLASS TO back of FESTER'S HEAD ]

[ FESTER TURNS AROUND, LOOKS AT PUGSLEY THROUGH GLASS ]

[ PUGSLEY GASPS, BACKS OFF ]

[ WEDNESDAY EXAMINING CLUE from COUCH, USING MAGNIFYING GLASS ]

Marie Antoinette was here.

How do you know?

Elementary, my dear Pugsley.

[ BOTH EXAMINING TINY SHOE with individual MAGNIFYING GLASSES ]

Did you see my doll when you entered this room?

No, it was as empty as a tomb.

[ FROWNS, REALIZES HE'S STILL RHYMING ]

What did you say?

Nothing?

Won't you please just go away?

You're talking funny, Uncle Fester.

Don't you have someone else to pester?

Come, Pugsley.

Let's take this to the laboratory for analysis.

[ KIDS LEAVE THE ROOM ]

[ FESTER TURNS BACK to DESK ]

[ STARTS TYPING AGAIN... ]

[ LURCH, clad in BERET and FAKE MUSTACHE, PLAYS VIOLIN, as GOMEZ CONDUCTS with a BATON ]

[ CLEO GURGLING ]

[ MORTICIA, HOLDING up a DOLL to CLEO's "EAR" ] Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet. Eating her curds and whey.

Along came a spider, who bit the paralyzer,

then spun her in a silk cocoon,

so she could eat her for dinner.

[ LURCH and GOMEZ playing in BACKGROUND, CLEO GURGLING SADLY ]

Oh.

[ MORTICIA PETS CLEO with FAKE SPIDER ]

Dear...

Take five, Lurch.

[ THEY STOP PLAYING ]

Tish.

What are we going to do?

Nothing seems to be working.

I know.

Hey, Cleopatra, watch this... !

[ GOMEZ DOING IMPRESSIVE GYMNASTICS... ]

[ FALLS OUT WINDOW, CRASHES! ]

[ CLEO PURRS SADLY ]

[ GOMEZ WANDERS BACK IN, COVERED IN VINES ]

... Well?

[ GURGLE ]

Well, that's funny.

It usually perks her right up.

This calls for drastic measures.

That's it. We'll call up the National Guard.

I was thinking of Cousin Fern.

She's good, too.

Gomez!

Morticia!

Cousin Fern... !

[ FRENCH CHEEK KISS ]

We haven't seen you since last Fall, when your leaves were turning.

Missed me?

Of course.

[ HANDS MORTICIA a SPRAY BOTTLE ]

[ MORTICIA SPRITZES HER ]

It feels so nice.

[ FERN GIGGLES, a SUNFLOWER grows from the TOP of her HEAD ]

[ BEES BUZZ AROUND FERN's HEAD ]

Now, now, dear, you can pollinate Fern later.

We always enjoy the extra honey when you visit.

[ PLUCKS FLOWER ]

[ HANDS IT TO MORTICIA ]

Patience.

[ MORTICIA THROWS FLOWER AWAY, OVER HER SHOULDER ]

When I heard that Cleopatra was sick,

I pulled up my roots and came right away.

[ CLEO GROWLS ]

Oh!

[ CLEO GURGLES SADLY ]

Oh!

[ PETTING CLEO ] You... poor... dear... !

[ SMELLS LEAF, EATS IT ]

Hm.

She's getting enough fertilizer.

Fresh bat guano.

I'll have Lurch pack you up some.

Thanks.

Appreciate that.

[ EXAMINING CLEO ]

No root rot.

No leaf fungus...

No parasite.

I should hope not.

Mama keeps those in the kitchen.

[ CLEO MAKES UNHAPPY SOUND ]

Ooh, myy...

[ GURGLES SADLY ]

[ FERN picks up BAG, WALKS OVER to GOMEZ and MORTICIA ]

Is it serious?

I'm afraid so.

Cleopatra needs...

... a transplant.

[ MORTICIA GASPS ]

Ohhh...

[ FAMILY PREPARING CLEO for SURGERY ]

I think the patient's ready.

Make sure you hold the scalpel steady!

Nice work, Lurch.

[ LURCH GRUNTS ]

My favorite green's a mighty birch!

Pulse is steady.

Cleo is ready.

Trowel.

[ GRANNY HANDS HER TROWEL ] Trowel.

Do you think you'll need a towel?

[ FERN SIGHS ]

Pruning shear.

Pruning shear.

At last, the crucial moment airs...

Good work.

I'll get the donor pot.

Stay with me, Cleo.

[ GRANNY GETS DONOR POT ]

Don't leave us now, girl.

It won't be much longer.

[ GRANNY SETS DONOR POT DOWN ]

[ FERN SNIPS STEM, GREEN LIQUID SPEWS OUT ]

[ HEART MONITOR BEEPS FASTER... ! ]

Get me a clamp, stat!

Where's it at... !?

[ MONITOR STILL BEEPING RAPIDLY... ]

This is going to take a lot of concentration.

I understand.

I'm a complication... !

Stay with me, Cleo.

Stay with me.

I don't think she's gonna make it.

And the beanstalk dropped a giant bean on the nasty little boy,

and crushed him into fertilizer.

[ CLEO PURRS ]

So...

How is our patient? [ STROKES CLEO's HEAD ]

Oh, Fern! She seems to be getting worse.

She's still not eating.

The transplant was a complete success.

I don't know what more I can do.

I'm stumped.

Fern!

You just got an emergency call.

A train was being climbed.

The bark was stripped.

A limb was broken, and they're separated all over the place!

Oh my, I have got to go set that branch immediately.

I hope you can visit again under happier circumstances.

[ THEY DO AIR-KISSES ]

Before I go,

Cleopatra is part-animal,

so it would be worthwhile to call a vet.

Oh, dear.

Kittycat ate the last one in town!

We'll just have to go out of town!

Thanks for the advice. [ OPENS ARMS IN HUG ]

[ THEY HUG, GOMEZ GRUNTS from her STRENGTH ]

I just love the way you say goodbye... !

[ PULLS THORN out of PALM ]

[ THROWS IT AWAY ]

[ FESTER GIGGLES ]

Mama! I finished my poem today,

but my rhyme won't go away.

It'll wear off soon,

but it can be annoying.

My conversations, it's destroying!

All I need to take back your rhyme,

is a dash of bat weed,

and a little bit of grime.

[ HANDS CUP TO FESTER ]

[ FESTER DOWNS IT IN ONE GO ]

... !

[ SETS CUP DOWN, PERTURBED LOOK ON FACE ]

Give it a minute.

Where is my hourglass?

[ FESTER SHAKING and BABBLING ]

[ MUMBLING, WALKING BACKWARDS out of ROOM ]

[ WALKS BACK IN ]

Instead of taking back the rhyme,

your magic sent me back in time.

Mama... !

You must reverse this spell.

You've made my life a living...

Well...

[ WHIMPERS, THROWS HANDS up in AIR ]

[ FOGHORN DOOR BELL RINGS... ]

C'mon Cleopatra, at least a taste... ?

It's fresh from the sewer.

Querida?

The veterinarian is here.

Dr Jim?

This is my lovely wife, Morticia.

I hope you can help us. [ DANGLING RAT in HAND ]

I just worry we're too late.

[ DR JIM puts on STETHOSCOPE ]

Oh, let's take a look.

[ TAKES PULSE of DEAD RAT ]

I'm sorry.

He's gone.

The rat?

[ DR JIM NODS ]

[ GOMEZ FROWNS in CONFUSION ]

Of course, that's Cleopatra's dinner.

She usually prefers to play with her food,

but she's simply too weak right now.

Cleopatra?

Your patient.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I think there's been a mistake.

That's a plant. [ POINTS at CLEO ]

I'm an animal doctor.

Well, Cleopatra's part-komodo dragon.

On her mother's side.

Surely you can see your way to taking a look.

[ CLEO GROWLS ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

We'll gladly pay double your usual fee. [ FLASHES TWO STACKS of CASH ]

[ TURNS to LOOK at CLEO ]

As long as I'm here, I might as well take a look.

[ APPROACHES CLEO with STETHOSCOPE ]

[ CLEO GURGLES ]

[ TRIES TO EXAMINE HER MOUTH... ]

Hey!

[ STRUGGLING with HAND, CLEO won't LET GO ]

[ FINALLY GETS HAND OUT ]

It ate my stethoscope! [ CLEO GURGLING ]

[ GURGLES, BURPS back up STETHOSCOPE ]

See?

She can't keep a thing down.

[ PHOTOGRAPHS pinned to CHALKBOARD... ]

Granny... is clear.

Lurch... has an alibi.

And Father... is innocent.

So it leaves these tests,

[ CHILDREN in LAB COATS with BEAKERS and such ]

to give us the answer.

[ DROPS TINY SHOE onto TRAY ]

[ PUGSLEY DRIPS LIQUID from SYRINGE onto IT... ]

[ FLASH! of FIRE and SMOKE ]

That's it!

What?

D'you find out where Marie Antoinette is?

Yes.

Now hold this. [ PLACES FRAYED WIRE in his HAND ]

Is this the clue that will help us solve the case?

No.

It's a live wire from the generator.

Uh oh...

[ WEDNESDAY FLIPS SWITCH ]

[ ELECTRICITY COURSING THROUGH PUGSLEY! ]

All work and no play.

Bores me.

Well, Dr. Jim,

what's wrong with her?

I have no idea. I mean,

[ CLEO GROWLS ]

the prognosis doesn't look good.

Oh, my.

[ WEDNESDAY ENTERS ]

Ahem.

Wednesday, dear.

[ STERNLY ] It's not very pleasant in here.

Come closer. [ SMILES ]

Have you checked her throat?

Her throat?

She has a throat?

Open your... whatever, and say "ahh".

Come on.

Come on!

[ CLEO GROWLING, SHAKING HEAD ]

[ STRUGGLING with TWO FINGERS in CLEO's MAW ]

Be a good girl...

[ STRUGGLES with WHOLE ARM stuck in CLEO's maw ]

Wha, ow!

[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]

Ow, ow!

[ STRUGGLING, CLEO GROWLING ]

[ YANKS HAND OUT with... ? ]

Marie Antoinette.

[ GROWLING ]

Thank you. [ WEDNESDAY takes DOLL ]

[ GROWLING ]

Cleopatra!

You've recovered!

Gomez, let's make Dr Jim our personal veterinarian.

Capital idea!

Snuffles has been complaining of a tusk ache for weeks!

Snuffles?

[ GOMEZ points to 'SNUFFLES', the BOAR HEAD on the wall SQUEALS ]

... !

Uh...

[ REVOLVING DOOR SPINS, REVEALING FESTER in CHAIR ]

You'll have to call my office.

And... now I'll say my goodbyes.

How would you do with a box of flies?

Well, depending on how they feel.

[ CLEO GROWLS ]

I'll let you see my electric eel.

[ REACHES into TANK with TONGS, PULLS OUT a SQUIRMING EEL ]

Ha ha... ! [ TOSSES EEL at DR JIM ]

[ ARMS SHAKING as DR JIM is ELECTROCUTED ]

[ ARMS and LEGS SHAKING, LEAVING HOUSE ]

... Bye!

Fester.

I thought your poem was finished?

It is,

but my rhyming hasn't diminished.

But never fear, as of today.

My [...] will go away.

[ BRANDISHES LIT BOMB ]

[ BOOM! FLASH OF SMOKE ]

[ CLEO SHAKES and GROWLS ]

[ STARS around GOMEZ's HEAD ]

Is it just me,

or is this room starry?

[ YELL! as FESTER FALLS FROM CEILING ]

Sorry.

[ MORTICIA pins 'MOST VICIOUS OF SHOW' RIBBON on CLEO's POT ]

The 'Most Vicious on Show'!

That's quite an honour, young lady!

She ate up the competition.

Literally!

Cleopatra's not the only winner in the family.

[ PULLS OFF TARP, REVEALS... ]

The Executioner 2000!

[ GROWLS ]

I won the poetry contest!

Fester! ... You didn't rhyme.

Hey, you're right.

I guess the spell wore off.

So, is the Executioner 2000 all she's cracked up to be?

There's only one way to find out.

[ SITS DOWN IN CHAIR ]

[ FLIPS SWITCH on SIDE ]

[ SCREAMING, GIGGLING! as FESTER is SUPER ELECTROCUTED! ]

[ MORTICIA and GOMEZ, NODDING and SMILING in APPROVAL ]

[ CLEO SHAKING in MERRIMENT ]

[ FESTER CACKLING in ELECTROCUTED DELIGHT ]

Awooooo... !