Original subtitles

Where are we?

Yeah, do you have any ideas, Skipper?

Well, if I had to guesstimate, I'd say we're about 400 light years from Earth

on an unknown planet, orbiting a star in the Orion constellation.

It could be Spontacus. It's much too warm for Spontacus.

What the hell happened to the programming?

It wasn't in my itinerary to crash land in the water.

Well, I don't know what drove us into the water.

I think we're here to stay.

But where is here?

I'm more concerned with when than where we are.

How long were we sleeping, Tyler?

Well, let's just say we had enough sleep to last us quite a while.

How long we been away?

I got a look at the ship's computer before we sank.

We left her 2,000 years ago.

Even if we didn't crash, there's no way for us to get back.

Well then, let's go check out our new pad.

I see some butt shitting in us.

Where?

Where's our clothes?

Hey!

Well, at least they're not eating us.

Looks like they might be vegetarians, huh?

They're humans.

They act like apes.

I mean, if this is the best they got around here, we're going to be ruling

this place in no time.

Hey, Stu, I think she likes you.

Yeah, I think so.

Yep, like I said, we're going to like it here.

Yeah.

Let's go check it out.

No.

oh my god

Thank you.

Thank you.

um um

I don't mind if I... I don't mind if I do.

How's our smart man today?

The same. The minute you open the cage door, he goes into his shtick.

Oh, yeah.

Sure they are.

So, how's our fancy boots today?

You know, that's what I call you since when they found you, you were wearing

the fanciest boots I've ever seen.

Imagine that. A human wearing boots.

Oh, how's your throat doing today?

See? He keeps pretending he can speak.

I'm telling you, the fancy boots is amazing.

I was so worried that he was going to die after all that blood he lost.

The doctor sure did a good job fixing him up, huh?

I know that you don't understand me, but I'm Dr.

Vera.

I'm an animal psychologist.

I told Dr. Anus all about you.

He's trying to form words.

Humans see, humans do.

No.

He wants something.

Be careful, doctor.

Try that shit again and I'll crack your head.

Good morning, sir.

Good, you're here.

This is him.

See? Isn't he amazing?

Very funny.

A man trying to be an ape.

Oh, he's trying to communicate.

He's acting like a parrot.

Come on, don't you think... Like you're gonna be really popular around here.

Thank you.

Good morning, Julian.

So, how's our smart man today?

The same. The minute you open the cage door, he goes into his shtick.

you a good one.

Geez, they're tame.

Oh yeah, sure they are.

So, how's our fancy boots today?

You know, that's what I call you since when they found you, you were wearing

the fanciest boots I've ever seen.

Imagine that, a human wearing boots.

Oh, how's your throat doing today?

See, he keeps pretending he can speak.

I'm telling you, the fancy boots is amazing.

I was so worried that he was going to die after all that blood he lost.

The doctor sure did a good job fixing him up, huh?

I know that you don't understand me, but I'm Dr.

Vera.

I'm an animal psychologist.

I told Dr. Anus all about you.

He's trying to form words.

Humans see, humans do.

Be careful, doctor.

See? Try that shit again and I'll crack your head.

Good morning, sir.

Good, you're here.

This is him.

See? Isn't he amazing?

Very funny.

A man trying to be an ape.

Oh, he's trying to communicate.

He's acting like a parrot.

Come on, don't you think it's strange that he's using that old blanket for

clothing? I wonder how he'd do on a calm dexterity quiz.

This animal?

Yes. He's trying to form words. He's trying to copy you.

But he understands.

Man understands nothing.

He is a worthless creature, nothing but a pest, and should be exterminated. I

disagree, Doctor, and I think that my study... Dr. Vera, I am going to stop

you now before you say something you are going to regret.

Now, using these animals for...

Experimental brain surgery is one thing. In fact, I condone using every single

one of these creatures until they're all at the face of this planet.

But your behavioral studies are a different matter.

To say that any of these men can teach apes anything is preposterous and pure

bullshit. They are worthless creatures.

Nothing but pests and should be exterminated as fast as possible.

Oh, Vera, let's forget all this. Just quit work and go out and get some banana

splits.

You're a rascal, aren't you?

Look,

that's him.

That's Fancy Boots, the one I told you about.

What's so special about him?

Oh, let me guess, your professional interest in his enormous genitalia. No.

No, you just have to watch him.

Hi, Fancy Boots.

How's your throat today?

Oh, here comes Anus.

You know what? Dr. Anus has been really weird lately.

He's been spying around at the lab every day this week.

Hello, Dr. Anus. Do you know my fiancé, Cognelius?

I know Cocknelius, the wild digging ape.

So you want to commence another expedition?

With your approval, of course.

You'll have to get it.

Just remember, Cocknelius, your reputation is on the line when you go

digging up new ideas.

to see your plans for your expedition.

I don't get why these animal psychologists even bother with these

humans. What the hell are they trying to prove?

That man can be trained.

Ha, ha, ha, man.

It's worthless shit.

Ugh.

fancy boots, I'm so sorry.

Gorillas can just be such assholes.

God

damn

it, I told you, you fucking human! I'm gonna kick your ass! Julian, don't hurt

him!

Nothing but thieves.

Get me a leash.

I want to take it for a walk.

He's a nasty biting animal. Plus, it's against the law to walk a human. Just do

what I say.

This is ridiculous.

Everyone knows a human cannot write.

You're a scientist, Cockmelius. Look for yourself.

Then where did you learn?

I learned to read and write.

at the Buck Adams Elementary School in Woodland Hills, California on the planet

Earth.

I flew in a spacecraft to this planet with two others.

Stu was killed in the hunt.

Lindo was captured.

What happened to Lindo?

I don't know.

So these other two talking humans

dropped from the skies with you.

Not dropped.

Flew in a spacecraft.

Every scientist knows flight is impossible.

It's absurd!

This is where we are now.

This is where you were captured.

I'm gonna kick your ass! Julian, don't hurt him!

Nothing but thieves.

Get me a leash.

I want to take it for a walk.

He's a nasty biting animal.

Plus, it's against the law to walk a human. Just do what I say.

This is ridiculous.

Everyone knows a human cannot write.

You're a scientist, Cognelius. Look for yourself.

Then where did you learn?

I learned to read and write at the Buck Adams Elementary School in Woodland

Hills, California on the planet Earth.

I flew in a spacecraft to this planet with two others.

Sue was killed in the hunt.

Lindo was captured.

What happened to Lindo?

I don't know.

So these other two talking humans dropped from the skies with you?

Not dropped. Flew in a spacecraft.

Every scientist knows flight is impossible.

It's absurd!

Can I see a map?

This is where we are now.

This is where you were captured.

This is where your spaceship fell into the water.

And after they came onto dry land, they walked across the mountains for three

days.

Well, that would mean they came out of the deadly zone.

Cockmulius, having Tyler here could help you prove your theories. Prove that

something existed here before apes.

Hera, do you want to get me killed?

You know the theory of evolution is against the law.

Don't be a chicken.

If it's true, they have to believe.

No, they don't.

Coconelius has a theory that apes evolved from some lower life form.

Maybe even man.

See, when he did this dig in the Deadly Zone, he uncovered these artifacts that

were even older than our recorded history.

Of course, nothing that proved my theory conclusively.

But all that's beside the point.

Dr. Anus and the Academy said if I was to pursue that line of reasoning, I'd be

thrown into jail.

But Cornelius, this could be your missing link.

It's rather sensitive.

I am not a missing link.

Well, if you were a missing link, Tyler...

That would destroy everything our sacred scrolls have ever said about our

history. Well, you know what? Maybe they're just all a bunch of bullshit.

Vera, to even think that is heresy. Be an ape. Show some balls.

Vera, we are doctors, and I am not about to throw it all away for some

Tyler.

Oh,

Dr. Anus.

Cornelius.

Didn't you forget to give me the plans for your expedition?

And what is this human doing here? You know the law. There are no humans to be

pets. And where is his leash?

I know, Dr. Anus, but this creature is a special case.

And besides, I'm doing experiments on him. Which should be done back at the

contracts under my supervision. Guard, put that creature in his cage.

And what is this?

It's a floating air swirl.

Puppycock.

Hello,

Tyler.

Is this the female you wanted?

Yes.

Something to get your mind off Dr. Anus.

Oh.

Come on.

What's going on, Sergeant?

We're taking number three into surgery in ten minutes. Have him ready. What

for? He's almost healed. It's not his throat.

The vet is going to neuter him.

Dr. Vera's going to be pissed off. She wants that pair to mate.

Dr. Anus gave the orders himself. Ain't shit she can do about it.

If you only knew what plans they have for you.

Get your fucking paws off me, you damn dirty gorilla!

Nobody will listen to me.

Only you.

That cute little deaf mute girl.

I'm gonna call you Koma.

My little Koma.

What are you doing?

Get your hands off me, you gorillas! What are you do-

You fucking garons!

Fuck you, garons! Fuck you! You're all sick!

You can't say a word!

Now!

You're all sick!

Everybody, be seated.

This High Communal of the Ape Academy is now in session.

I am Dr. Axelus, President of the Academy, presiding over this hearing to

decide the fate of this human.

To my right.

Dr. Anus, Minister of Science and Ape Religion.

To my left, the Chancellor of Law for Ape State, Dr.

Kong. What is this human accused of? He has a right to know. Man has no right

under ape law.

Then why is he being accused?

Surely, you must believe he's guilty of something.

This is not a trial.

He is being disposed of. It is scientific heresy we are trying.

It has come to my attention, this theory of evolution you are promoting, how ape

evolved from man.

I do not need to tell you that your lives and careers may well be ruined by

defending this man.

Then I will defend myself.

Vera, silence Mr. Happy Boots here. My name is Tyler.

Bailiff, shut the animal up.

Vera and Cognelius.

The special scroll stated, the almighty made ape above all other creatures and

set him apart to rule.

The proper study of apes is apes. But you young heretics have decided to study

man to push your perverted theories of evolution upon our community.

The state has charged Dr. Vera with experimenting on this human and creating

the speaking monster that stands before us today.

Vera, along with other conspirators,

worked on the human's brain and throat and made it so he could speak.

That is a lie.

How could I create his mind?

He can think and he can reason.

He can't reason.

Humans have no soul.

It says so in Article 6 of the Special Scrolls. Dr. Anus showed the state the

heresy that was committed to paper your own house.

This human's writings.

What was said, Dr.

Rainer? This human claims to have flown from another planet and crash-landed

here. He also claims to have had two companions.

If you would like, Your Honor, Dr.

Kong has made arrangements for the surviving humans to be assembled at the

outside cells for your perusal.

Well, let's go take a look.

If you only knew what plans they have for you.

Animal security, ma'am. This animal belongs to me. I am in charge of him.

Not anymore.

He's now property of the state. Get your fucking paws off me, you damn dirty

gorilla.

Nobody will listen to me.

Only you.

That cute little deaf new girl.

I'll call you Koma.

My little...

You don't... What are you... Get your hands off me, you gorillas!

What are you doing?

Give it back to me!

Shut up, you fucking freak!

You fucking gorillas!

Fuck you, gorillas!

Fuck you, you're all sick!

You're all sick!

You're all sick!

Everybody, be seated.

This high communal of the Ape Academy is now in session.

I am Dr. Aximus.

President of the Academy, presiding over this hearing to decide the fate of this

human.

To my right, Dr.

Anus, Minister of Science and Ape Religion.

To my left, the Chancellor of Law for Ape State, Dr. Kong.

What is this human accused of? He has a right to know. Man has no right under

ape law.

Then why is he being accused?

Surely, you must believe he's guilty of something. This is not a trial.

He is being disposed of. It is scientific heresy we are trying.

It has come to my attention, this theory of evolution you are promoting, how ape

evolved from man.

I do not need to tell you that your lives and careers may well be ruined by

defending this man.

Then I will defend myself.

Vera, silence Mr. Happy Boots here. My name is Tyler.

Bailiff, shut the animal up.

Vera and Cognelius, the special scroll stated, the almighty made ape above all

other creatures and set him apart to rule.

The proper study of apes is apes. But you young heretics have decided to study

man to push your perverted theories of evolution upon our community.

The state has charged Dr. Vera with experimenting on this human and creating

the speaking monster that stands before us today.

Vera, along with other conspirators, worked on the human's brain and throat

and made it so he could speak.

That is a lie.

How could I create his mind?

He can think and he can reason.

He can't reason.

Humans have no soul.

It says so in Article 6 of the Special Scrolls.

Dr. Anus showed the state the heresy that was committed to paper your own

house. This human's writings.

What was said, Dr. Reynard? This human claims to have flown from another planet

and crash-landed here. He also claims to have had two companions.

If you would like, Your Honor, Dr.

Kong has made arrangements for the surviving humans to be assembled at the

outside cells for your perusal.

Well, let's go take a look.

Did you associate yourselves with any of these humans?

Yeah, this one.

Lindo.

Lindo!

Lindo, it's me, Tyler.

What the fuck they do to you?

That fucking sucks, Freak. You were the normal one.

You did this to him, didn't you? You fucking cut him open. You gave him a

lobotomy.

He's a fucking vegetable.

He can't think. He can't talk.

Fucking monkey.

I'm going to get you.

Banana. had received a skull fracture during his capsule. And our skilled

doctors were able to save his life by operating on him. He showed no signs of

being able to speak prior to his operation or after.

It's because you did it. The same thing you're going to do to me.

Silence that beast.

I agree.

He did not come from a spacecraft.

But from things he has told us, I believe he came from the Deadly Zone.

I know this because I have been there.

And when I was there, I found proof that a culture existed before the special

scrolls were even written.

That is heresy.

Go ahead, keep on speaking. Let him dig himself deeper.

Let's just assume that he is lying about the spacecraft, since that is

impossible. But that must mean that he comes from our world.

As a scientist, I can see no reason why man cannot speak.

That must mean that the fault lies in his brain.

Admit it. Man could be the missing link in the evolution of AIDS. That is

heresy. You have gone too far.

The state charges Dr. Vera and Cochmelius with contempt and heresy of

the special scrolls. As for the disposition of this animal, well, that

lies solely in the hands of Dr. Anus.

This court is dismissed.

The Office of Animal Control.

I'm here to take that one to the zoo.

At this time?

Who gave this order?

Don't you read the newspapers?

The anti-cruelty against humans is ready to riot.

No more vivisections and brain experiments on humans. Especially ones

that can speak.

No, this one should be at the zoo where we all can see him.

Just show me the papers.

Hey, Dr.

Anus has to sign this.

Shit, they really can speak.

I'm Cocknelius's nephew. I'm here to set you free.

I'm not going without her.

But Vera said there could be only one. I can take only one.

I'm not leaving without her. Give me the keys.

Fine, but don't tell me what to do. I can't stand taking orders from humans.

Thanks for getting me out.

So what's going on?

Dr. Anus, he was set to start experimental brain surgery on you

tomorrow. And if anything should happen to you, I could never prove my missing

link theory.

Heresy charges?

You're out on bail.

We're heading off to my dig site. Find more proof of life before the scrolls.

Where will you go, Tyler?

What will you do?

I don't know.

Probably get as far away from here as possible.

Find out whatever happened to mankind on this planet.

There's a whole new world to explore.

A coma?

Hell, maybe I'll find the answers to questions myself.

Caleb, be careful.

I won't.

I've never kissed a human before.

Here, I brought you a gun.

Thanks. I might need it.

Do you remember the NRA?

I wonder what he'll find out there