Original subtitles

- Jump! - Are you nuts?

What are we waiting for?

Thomas, we fell three stories into a garbage truck.

And that garbage truck saved our lives.

She's the first person we call whenever you get us in trouble.

Today is gonna be the biggest day of my career.

These are the guys who say they know you.

It's about time you got here.

Pull over! Police!

In a Ferrari?

The last time I threw in a real game was 1967.

It was the Army-Navy game

and I went 21 for 30 with two touchdowns in the air

and a scramble for another.

The secretary of the Navy presented me with the game ball.

Nice throw, Thomas. Still got the old touch.

- Okay! - Yeah!

- Up and in. - Yeah.

- On three. - Yeah.

- Ready? Let's go! - Hey.

Hut, hut.

1967 was a long time ago.

It's been that long since I'd been to the Army-Navy game.

I would always mean to go, but something would always come up.

This year it was going to be different.

I was going to see the old team again.

And we were going to relive those thrilling days of yesteryear

by having a touch football rematch

with the Army team of 1967.

It wouldn't be long before the guys got to see

the old Magnum magic again.

Yes, Rick. What is it?

T.C., lookout!

Higgins?

- Higgie, baby, you all right? - Is he all right?

I don't know.

Higgins? How do you feel?

Like the time I was trampled

by a herd of wild South American capybaras.

Take it easy.

It was in Peru, I believe, or perhaps Bolivia.

Anyway, I saw them coming at me,

and when I attempted to flee, I...

He's all right.

I'm sorry, Higgins, I didn't see you.

Quite all right, T.C.

Hey, you want to stay and run a few patterns?

Higgie, baby, you really take a hit.

Last guy I steamrolled didn't get up.

Hello?

Thomas, you better get to the club right away.

I can't. I have a plane to catch in a few hours,

and I haven't packed anything yet.

- It's important. One of your-- - So is the Army-Navy game,

and nothing, nothing is going to interfere with my game.

What interference? Today is Tuesday.

The game isn't until Friday.

Tomorrow is the reunion with my old teammates,

an oyster roast and all the Old Düsseldorf we can drink.

Old Düsseldorf?

Yeah, it's an old German beer. It's brewed in Maryland.

Anyway, and Thursday

is the long-awaited rematch between the 1967 Army and Navy teams.

This problem won't take very long, Thomas.

No! No, this is how it always starts.

This is how I miss the game every year.

It's urgent!

It's Carol.

For Pete's sake.

Hi, Thomas.

Come on and sit down...

Look what I did. Uh-oh, le boo-boo.

Oh, gotta get me another one of those guys.

How many has she had?

Count the umbrellas, you're talking doubles.

- Why do you keep serving her? - Hey, Thomas, I tried to stop her.

She stood up and started yelling a bunch of legal stuff at me.

Look, you gotta get her out of the club, it doesn't look good.

It doesn't look good for the deputy PA either.

Waiter! Waiter, I would like another mai tai, por favor...

Carol, hi.

I think you've had enough.

Hey, I thought you was going off

to join your old shipmidsmen today.

It's midshipmen.

The plane leaves at 2:00, and what are you doing here?

He never brought me my drink.

Waiter.

- Carol. Carol... - Orville? Somebody!

I am going to take you home.

I'm very happy here, thank you so very much.

I don't think this is the place to be.

I was fired, Thomas.

What? That's terrible, how?

They said it was budget cuts.

I know. I know better, see.

I know too damn much, if you ask me.

Thomas, they don't like me knowing too much.

Have you ever heard of a bigtime hood named Clinton?

- Well, as a matter of fact-- - Well, I have, seen plenty.

Ever heard of the Clinton case?

Mine. Except when I start finding out too much,

they took it away from me.

Well, listen, if you suspect that someone--

He never brought me my drink.

Well, maybe he ought to bring you some coffee.

Guts! See, I got great big guts!

And they're not gonna stop me.

I will continue my investigation...

Carol.

- ...and I'll get to the truth... - Carol.

- ...and justice will be served! - Carol, come on.

- Oh, Thomas. - What?

I think I'm going to be sick.

How you feeling?

Right now, death seems like a pleasant alternative.

Can I get you anything before I go?

Oh, no, you've done enough.

Anyway, you have a plane to catch.

Yeah. I better get going. I haven't even packed yet.

See you.

I mean, it isn't even your problem.

I don't expect you to take any time away

from your Navy reunion to help me out.

Carol, I'll be glad to help you out.

You will?

Of course. Just as soon as I get back.

Oh, that's really sweet, Thomas.

Of course, by then it'll probably be too late.

But you go to your game now.

I'd feel terrible if you missed it.

I... Really.

I mean, besides, a real crime is probably out of your league, anyway.

I'll just take care of it myself.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, nothing.

It's just that you're great at divorce cases,

and I gotta deal with real criminals.

Real criminals?

Carol, I deal with real criminals all the time.

Taking saunas with Ice Pick doesn't count, Thomas.

Clinton makes Ice Pick look like Mister Rogers.

A real hood like that would probably scare you silly.

Well, listen, if this guy is so dangerous,

I don't think you should get involved. You could get hurt.

Give me a little credit, will you? I'm a professional just like you.

I can handle this very discreetly.

Like getting drunk and yelling about it in public?

Yes, I will admit that was not very discreet.

But from here on out,

I'm fine.

Go on.

All I need is a pair of dark glasses and a big hat.

Carol, look, you could even get killed in this.

Couldn't you just wait till I get back?

- But I don't have time-- - Now, it's just four days!

Maybe you're right.

Of course I am. Just take the time off.

You could use a vacation, you know?

And then, when I get back, I'll help you with Clinton, okay?

Okay.

- You promise? - I promise.

Now go on, get out of here.

Thomas?

Have a good time, and "Go, Navy."

I guess in the bigger scheme of things,

a football game shouldn't mean that much.

But the 1967 Army-Navy game was different.

At least for me anyway. A few months after the game,

I graduated, and a short time after that, I went to Nam.

That experience changed everyone who was in it.

I lost my youth. I don't know the exact day I lost it,

but when I try to recall, the last thing I can remember

is a windy day in November, when I went 21 for 30

and the team mascot ate my game ball.

I guess that's what you get for having a goat as a mascot.

Thomas. I don't believe you.

You guys ever hear of knocking?

Man, the way you deserted Carol was low.

- Who said I deserted Carol? - She did.

I called to see how she was doing and she said you refused to help her.

That's not true! She told me to leave.

That's because she's not the type to beg.

Hey, listen, Thomas, this guy Clinton is bad news.

Now, the word on the street is

that he knocked off the top drug distributor on the island

and took over the operation.

Well, then she'd better stay away from him.

Well, she won't unless you help her.

Well, we all help her. Hell, we all owe her.

She's the first person we call whenever you get us in trouble.

I'm afraid I must concur with Rick and T.C.

Why, she was of the greatest assistance that time I was wrongly incarcerated.

How did you get into this?

Carol called for my famous hangover remedy.

She happened to mention how you deserted her in her time of need.

I did not desert her!

She practically threw me out of the house.

She knows how important this game is to me. Besides...

Listen, the game isn't for another three days.

Guys.

Look, at least skip the reunion. I mean, you don't even like oysters,

and you can drink Old Duesenberg anytime.

It's Old Düsseldorf, and it's very hard to get on this island!

Look, I'm trying to tell you,

Carol said she'd wait for me to get back.

Uh-uh, that is not what she told us.

Okay, I'll talk to her again.

She'll be happy to wait. Excuse me.

Carol?

Carol?

Welcome back.

What happened?

You got another nice lump on your head to add to the collection.

It's 4:00.

You know, it's funny how that happens about this time every day.

- I missed my plane. - Oh, don't worry, Thomas.

I made you another reservation for tomorrow.

Well, what the hell.

It's just a reunion.

No, it was important to you.

It's a shame you missed it.

- I'm really sorry. - That feels good.

What were you doing here, anyway?

Well, after your little telephone conversation to Rick--

- I told him not to say anything to you-- - And T.C. and Higgins.

Oh.

I wish they hadn't mentioned it to you, Thomas. Really.

I just thought that maybe I could wrap it all up before you came back.

You promised that you'd wait.

And I was going to. Really, I was.

But I just had this feeling that Clinton's men were on to me

and I'd better strike while the iron was hot.

- You see? This is proof. - What's proof?

I'm sure it was one of Clinton's men who conked you.

So?

That means they know that I'm on to them.

They must have been searching for some information they think I have.

- Which you don't. - Not yet, but I will.

I've spent a lot of time researching Clinton.

And I know what paper he buys in the morning

and what restaurants he goes to at night.

That's terrific.

And I know the layout of his office like the back of my hand.

If Clinton has anything incriminating lying around, it'll be in his office.

Thomas, I need to get in there.

When is my flight tomorrow?

3:30.

Well, I suppose we could check a few things out tomorrow morning.

Oh, Thomas!

You're wonderful.

But you know what? We don't have to wait, we could start right now.

No, no, no. Right now, we gotta find a place for you to stay.

It's not safe here.

Don't you have a relative or some friends you can stay with?

And let them get conked on the head?

Now, don't worry about me. I'll just get a cheap motel room.

No! I mean, that's the worst place.

Clinton would get to you and no one would know it.

What I really need is a place with full security, you know.

Alarm systems, fences, guard dogs.

Prison would be nice.

Or the estate.

- Now, that's perfect! - No.

- Let me change. - No.

- No, no, wait a minute! - I'll pack a small bag.

The estate is not perfect. Higgins would never allow it.

Higgins?

Magnum, I thought you were off to your game.

Well, I was, but I stopped by Carol's and...

Higgins, we have something important that we'd like to talk to you about.

Important? I'll tell you what's important.

I'm trying to write out the recipe for escabeche of young partridge

and I know there is some vital ingredient I'm forgetting.

Higgins, you know the trouble that Carol's been having?

Well, this afternoon I was hit over the head.

Coriander seeds. That's what you're forgetting.

My God, you're right.

Now that the great escabeche of young partridge mystery has been solved...

My second cousin Reginald

used to shoot the wretched little things at me through a straw.

I must have subliminally eliminated them from the recipe.

Higgins, I was hit over the head at Carol's apartment!

Really. Carol, I didn't know you were a gourmet.

Yes. I took a year off between college and law school

to attend Chef Roget's Académie de Cuisine in Paris.

Fascinating.

Yeah, that's just great.

Higgins, Carol's apartment is not safe anymore.

You know, I've been put in charge of a political fundraising dinner

for next weekend and I've been going mad trying to put together a menu.

- Do you suppose you could... - Oh, I'd love to.

Why isn't anybody listening to me?

I plan to test every menu

before I turn them over to the club's chef.

It will take several days to put together a proper menu.

Well, I'm out of work. My time is yours.

Wonderful.

And would you consider being my guest here at the estate

for the next couple of days?

- I'd love to. - Good.

Now, Magnum, what have you been going on about?

Jonathan. Do you think we should start by making this recipe tonight?

Splendid. I'll go to the market and get what we need.

Well...

there's no use in us waiting around here.

We can go out while Higgins is gone and be back in time for dinner.

Go out where?

To Clinton's office. He keeps records in his safe.

You know, business associates, appointments--

Carol.

Maybe even the name of the inside man in the prosecutor's office.

Carol, you are not suggesting

that we break into Clinton's office safe, are you?

Carol, that's crazy.

Well, maybe you're right.

Not to mention illegal

and extremely hazardous to our health.

Now, Carol, if Clinton is as big as you say he is,

he's gonna have all kinds of security.

It'd take the Navy SEALs to breach his operation.

No, no, no, Thomas. I've checked it out.

We won't need any muscle at all if we just use our heads.

No! No, no, no.

The exception was made in Grant versus Grant.

She didn't get the house, she didn't even get alimony.

But that's only due to the discovery on the honeymoon

that she was really a male transvestite.

It doesn't matter, it still set a precedent.

Hold it, hold it, hold it! I need to see your building ID.

Oh, it's okay, officer, I have an office on the fifth floor.

No, I'm sorry, I still need to see it.

Wait a minute. Herb?

- Herbie. - Herbie.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever been married?

Yes, sir. But I'm divorced now, though.

An expert witness.

Counselor, you're wasting your time, it's all in my briefs.

Well, if you don't mind, counselor, I am talking to Herbie.

Let me ask you something else.

- Did your wife get everything? - Just about.

She got the furniture, the kids, and the LTD.

- That's not fair. - Damn rights, it's not!

That's why I gotta work this extra job just to pay for the alimony.

That's because your lawyer knuckled under.

He did not fight this terrible injustice.

Yeah, well, I guess I shouldn't have used my brother-in-law

as my attorney.

But I couldn't afford anybody better.

Well, let me tell you something, I am not going to knuckle under.

- My client-- - Deserves nothing.

It's all in my briefs in my office.

Yeah? Well, you just wait till I get my hands on your briefs.

I'm gonna tear them to shreds. I'm gonna fight this thing

- for society. - Yeah.

- And men. - Yeah.

- For you. - Yeah, you show them.

You sure there's no guards at the doors?

Yeah, positive.

There's just infrared beams in the office

which are connected to an alarm system in Clinton's home.

If it's tripped he can be here in five minutes, and we're in big trouble.

It's this way.

First one on the left.

- No alarms on the door? - No.

- You sure you can do this? - Yeah, but I still don't like it.

Why? Everything is going great.

We snowed Herbie, we're practically inside the office already.

Don't get overconfident. That's when things go wrong.

Nothing is going wrong.

Voilà!

- The beams, remember? - Of course.

The beams.

Thomas, the safe is behind there.

- Great. Take a look. - Okay.

Now, follow me and do exactly as I do.

Okay.

Now, be careful.

You didn't happen to come up with the combination for the safe, did you?

No. That's why I needed you.

This is great. Everything just seems to be falling into place.

I haven't been this excited since I... Since I...

Nope, I've never been this excited.

Where did you learn to crack safes, Thomas?

I was in Naval Intelligence.

They trained you to be a safecracker?

Locksmith.

All these years sitting behind desks. I was really missing out on the action.

This is fun, isn't it, Thomas?

Will you stop it? I can't concentrate.

Here we go.

C'est ça.

Let me see. Let me see.

No, we don't have time to look them over. Just do what I told you.

Oh, boy.

- Here I go. - Okay.

Wait a minute. This is the thing.

Hey.

- Don't go so fast. - Wait a minute, Thomas.

- This looks important. - Wait, I can't see--

Uh-oh.

Just keep going. Come on, hurry up.

Okay.

Carol! If they're after us, they'll be in the elevator.

- We have to take the stairs. - You have no way of knowing that.

Trust me.

Oh.

Thomas.

With your instincts no wonder you get shot at--

Come on.

- Jump! - Are you nuts?

The garbage will break your fall. Jump!

And my neck. I'm not gonna jump and that's final.

What are we waiting for?

Three stories, Thomas, we fell three stories into a garbage truck.

We did not fall three stories, we jumped.

And that garbage truck saved our lives.

And it ruined my suit.

The creamed spinach left stains I'll never get out.

Are you two still squabbling?

- Yes. - Yes.

Well, take a breather.

The escabeche is ready.

And even though I had to substitute chicken for partridge,

I do think you'll be astounded by the results.

When you have to explain to the butcher what a partridge is,

there's little hope of obtaining one.

There you are, Carol.

Perfectly seasoned, of course. Enjoy.

These pictures are actually pretty good.

Pretty good? They're great.

Note the delicate hint of lime juice.

Look at all these canceled checks.

Have you ever heard of a company called El Gato, Incorporated before?

They sure have gotten a lot of checks.

Sounds like something out of a pulp novel.

The sweet fragrance of the red onion.

The bite of the jalapeños.

Now, this looks like something.

A notation about a meeting that's going to take place.

This is it. It's gotta be.

Who's Vincent Osborne?

I don't know, but he's meeting Clinton tomorrow.

El Gato's supplying protection.

Yeah, Osborne's our man.

No, wait a minute, you're jumping to conclusions.

Osborne could be his barber, for all we know.

We have to figure out a way to get into that meeting, Thomas.

No, we don't have to figure anything out.

We've done enough figuring for one night.

- Thomas, please! - Let's just finish our chicken escarb--

- Escabeche. - Whatever.

Get some sleep, look at all this in the morning with a fresh eye, all right?

Higgins, this stuff is great.

I seem to have lost my appetite.

That's the lamest plan I ever heard.

It is not a lame plan. We got it all worked out.

Look, we got the time, the place, everything.

It's lame.

Magnum, why are you being so negative and hostile?

Because, if Osborne is the biggest drug dealer in the Midwest,

then he's as dangerous as Clinton. Let the police handle it.

It'll never happen, Thomas.

Clinton owns someone in the prosecutor's office.

Maybe the prosecutor.

I thought you wanted me to go to my game?

Hey, Thomas, Ice Pick has got everything set up.

Now we know the exact location of the place and I got us access into the room.

Yeah, and Clinton and Osborne have never met. It's foolproof!

It's lame.

Magnum, why do you keep saying that word?

Because the plan will never work, Higgins.

Come on, let's go. Who needs him anyway?

We do.

He's the only one of us who has any real experience with this kind of thing.

That's not entirely true.

No, of course, Jonathan.

But if one of us were to make a mistake and someone got hurt,

I'd never forgive myself.

We'd better just forget about the whole thing.

I guess with my incredible success last night,

I just got carried away.

You're right, Thomas.

I don't really have a feel for this P.I. business yet.

- Carol. - No. It's all right.

I'm a trained chef.

Must be a restaurant around somewhere that could use me.

This is crazy.

You better step on it, Thomas.

Ice Pick said the limo was gonna pick up Osborne at Access D at 1:00.

This guy's a gangster. We can't do this.

I mean, think about it. What if we can't stop Osborne?

We'll stop him.

Well, what if Clinton realizes that Higgins isn't Osborne?

Just relax, Higgins knows what he's doing.

Okay, everything's ready to go. This is exciting, isn't it?

Quite. You'd better get to your post.

I'm curious, Rick.

Why is Ice Pick being so helpful?

Osborne ran Ice Pick out of Chicago.

Put him out of commission.

He just doesn't like the way Clinton does business.

Well, I guess now we just wait

and pray that Magnum and T.C. do their job.

Oh, my coat.

Thank you very much.

Prestige Limo. Ice Pick said Prestige Limo. This is it!

We better pull them over before they get close to the hotel.

And what if they won't pull over, T.C.?

I'm not gonna take on a limo in this car.

No problem. Pull alongside.

- Honk your horn. - What are you going to do?

Honk your horn.

Pull over! Police!

Police? In a Ferrari?

Freeze! Don't move a muscle or I'll put a bullet through it.

Special Investigator Fenady, you're under arrest.

What's the charge, officer?

Speeding, reckless driving, endangering another vehicle,

and impersonating an officer.

Mr. Osborne, can you handle eight kilos?

Things are slow right now.

Might take us a couple of days to move the stuff.

Where are these eight kilos?

They'll be here soon.

But they don't come up till I get the money.

Very nice.

People'll pay through the nose for this stuff.

Let Kono get it.

Just my guys calling to say that the shipment's arrived.

Yeah.

I understand.

Something wrong?

Nothing. The shipment's here.

I've just gotta go down and check it out.

We'll be right back.

How do you think it's going?

Oh, couldn't be better. You two are terrific.

Soon as they come through the door, we're gonna nail them.

Freeze!

Oh, my God.

I knew this wouldn't work. I knew it!

And because of this dumb plan, I missed my game again!

Oh, Magnum, shut up!

Now Reese'll have to lead the guys to victory.

- Who's Reese? - Kenneth Reese.

He was my backup quarterback at the academy

and he's been waiting for a chance like this since 1963,

and now he's got it, because of you!

- All of you! It's all your fault! - Magnum, stop living in the past.

Me? Me?

Higgins, you've enshrined yours.

You quote every boring war story like it was carved in stone.

Boring?

Don't worry, Higgins, I like your stories.

Yeah, me, too.

I do think I tell them with a certain panache.

Yeah. Well, where's Carol?

When's she gonna get us out of here?

Just be thankful that she wasn't discovered, too.

Thankful? Higgins, she's the one who cooked up

this harebrained scheme with your help.

Well...

I think it was a good plan.

T.C., we are in jail!

Rick and Higgins are here on drug charges.

Do you know how serious that is?

Yeah, but we did it for a friend, and that is all that matters.

Well, she's not exactly running to our rescue. Where is she?

Here she comes now.

It's about time you got here.

These are the guys who say they know you.

Hi, Carol.

I've never seen these men before in my life.

Right now, they're playing the rematch

of the 1967 Army-Navy game without me!

It's all you guys' fault. And Carol's.

After all I did for her.

Man, this is worse than capital punishment.

Magnum, please, must you go on, you're making all of us quite ill.

I don't care!

Wait till I get my hands on her, I'll...

Wright, Calvin, Higgins, Magnum.

You guys are out of here. Your bail arrived.

Carol Douglas?

A guy in Zurich named Robin Masters.

Hey, all right!

I put my phone call to good use.

I never want to see you again.

Wait a minute. Let me explain.

Please.

Two minutes, and this better be good.

I knew my boss wasn't messed up with Clinton right from the start.

He wanted to bust him, too.

In fact, we were sort of in competition over it

because a bust like that can mean big political Brownie points.

Is that why he fired you?

No, not exactly.

Why are you being so vague, Carol?

Well...

I wasn't really fired.

What?

You mean, this was all a big con?

A big con just to suck me and Higgins and everybody else in?

Yes.

Stanton told me to stay off the case, Thomas.

He started harassing me.

So I took a vacation and conducted my own private investigation.

Boy, that makes me mad.

How could you do that?

I believed you, that you were upset and drunk.

- I was upset. - And drunk?

How could you do that?

How could you use and manipulate your friends like that?

I've watched you, Thomas, and I've learned.

You're about the best I've ever seen.

Not that it's something to be proud of.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

You send Rick all over the island running down license plates

or getting information from Ice Pick.

T.C.'s helicopter has bullet holes all over it from your missions

and you don't even offer to pay for the gas.

Your two minutes are up.

And Higgins, he's been tricked, God knows how many times.

And me. Every time I offer to help, I'm risking my career.

And then there's Lieutenant Poole, and poor MacReynolds.

For goodness sakes, you put 20 extra pounds on that guy.

Bringing up Mac is not fair.

But it's true.

Well...

it's always for a good cause.

But mine was for a good cause, too, Thomas.

The only thing I feel bad about is how serious it got. I never,

never meant to put you all in so much danger.

I just thought maybe you could help me and still get to your game.

Well...

I guess it almost worked.

But what about last night? Why didn't you bail us out?

Because I had to keep the whole charade with Clinton alive.

I still have the tape I made. That's enough to bust him.

- Have you told your boss? - I haven't told anybody.

I still don't know where the leak is.

I've got Officer Fenady getting a John Doe arrest warrant for me.

And when he comes to pick me up at my house this afternoon,

I'll tell him where we're going. Until then no one knows.

Today is gonna be the biggest day of my career

and I owe it all to you.

No...

it's your day.

Oh, Thomas.

I'm sorry you missed your reunion and the rematch.

I hope this will make it up to you.

First class?

It's the only seat left going to L.A. today.

I couldn't even get anything on the redeye.

But what the hell, you're worth it.

Thanks for taking me to the airport, T.C.

Hey, no problem.

And I'm sorry about the way I acted before. I...

Forget it. We're just glad you're getting out of town.

And I want you to know that I'm gonna pay you back

for every gallon of fuel I've burned in the helicopter.

Did you recognize that John Fenady?

Oh, the guy who arrested us?

Yeah, he looked kind of familiar.

He played shortstop for the lllegitimates last year.

Yeah, now I remember him.

You should. He robbed you of two clean singles through the hole.

Yeah, he was quick.

He's so quick, they nicknamed him "The Cat."

"The Cat"?

That's why the plan didn't work. El Gato. Fenady is El Gato!

No!

Thomas!

Give me! Give me!

You all right?

Yes.

He's got the Clinton tape.

Hey!

In that Army-Navy game, where I went 21 for 30,

one of the passes I missed was intercepted.

The fastest man on the Army team caught it and he got past everybody

until I was the only guy left that had a chance to catch him.

The guy was faster than me, and I knew it.

But I wasn't going to get beat by my own mistake.

And that's a happy group of midshipmen,

ladies and gentlemen,

as the last few seconds tick off here at the Rose Bowl.

There's the gun. And the final score from Pasadena,

Navy has done it again, 42 to 13.

I can't understand what happened to Thomas.

Well, he said he was going to get a couple of six-packs of Old Düsseldorf

and he'd be right back.

I missed it, didn't I?

Yep.

I can't believe it.

What happened to you?

I went to the only store on this side of the island that carries Old Düsseldorf

and they were out, so I had to drive way over on the other side.

It wouldn't be the same watching the game without Old Düsseldorf

and then when I finally came out of the liquor store somebody'd ripped

the radio out of the car and I couldn't even listen to the game.

Well, I know I shouldn't ask this, but, why are you all muddy?

Well, I tried to hurry back and I drove too fast...

- It was raining. - You wrecked the Ferrari?

No. I drove it off the road and got stuck in the mud.

Oh, Thomas.

And then the tow truck took two hours and the driver doesn't like football,

and he listens to opera...

Could you all leave now?

I wanna be alone.

Don't you wanna know who won?

- Who? - Don't tell him.

Carol figured you might be late, so she taped the game for you.

What?

Carol!

Voilà.

Really? Thank you!

Thank you. I'll never forget you for this.

Now, everyone get out!

- But-- - No buts! No buts!

I don't want anyone even hinting at an outcome. Get out!

- Bye, Thomas. - Thank you, get out.

- It wasn't even close. - Get out!

Thank you. Thank you.

And here comes Navy!

It's an aroused squad of midshipmen who are gathering around their coaches...

Magnum, what have you got to say for yourself?

Come in and be quiet. I'm watching the game.

The Ferrari is literally encased in mud.

Higgins, I am not going to even make up a story for you.

- I ran the car off the road. - You ran off--

And, Higgins, and someone stole the radio out of it.

Now, that's what happened. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do about it,

so if you'll just excuse me, I'm gonna watch my game.

Any rational, responsible human being

would be making every effort to remedy the condition of that car.

I'm not listening, Higgins.

Instead, you sit here mesmerized by this primitive display of brute force,

a contest in which the outcome is already known to be Navy: 42...

- Higgins! - ...Army: 13.

Let's have a good, clean game.

Now, Navy has won the toss and as expected,

will take the kickoff at the east end of the field

before over 90,000 here in Pasadena,

it's Army-Navy, and it promises to be a great game!