Original subtitles

BATMAN: Gotham City after midnight.

All the good people of Gotham are snug in their beds.

But there are still plenty of other things up and about...

...plotting, planning, scheming, lurking in the shadows.

Cat, rats...

...and bats.

[SCREECHES]

You're giving bats a bad name, Man-Bat.

[GRUMBLES]

Jewel theft isn't your style.

Who put you up to this?

[LAUGHlNG]

My robo-penguin.

Penguin. You just had to get your filthy flippers on all this ice.

SUPERMAN: Ha, ha. "lce."

Diamonds are ice and penguins live on icebergs. Ha!

BATMAN: That voice. The Penguin has enlisted the help of the alien?

I always knew the most powerful man on the planet would turn up in Gotham one day.

And as power tends to corrupt all men...

...I see the Superman is no different.

Ha, ha. l didn't know you were such a kidder.

I'm not here to help the Penguin. No, no. l've come to introduce myself.

And lend a helping, neighborly hand, of course.

I don't need help, not with a little fish like Penguin.

-Aah! -Or with Joker.

[RUMBLlNG]

[JOKER LAUGHING MANlACALLY]

The Joker is here. How did you--?

I don't need your x-ray vision to see that evil is always lurking nearby.

Well, so Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg...

...and a bunch of us superheroes are forming a justice league.

And we were thinking since you're kind of a superhero too....

A superhero club? Seriously?

For an all-powerful alien, you think like a small-town farm boy.

Uh, Man-Bat is--

I am perfectly capable of handling all of this by myself.

[JOKER CONTlNUES LAUGHING]

Do you want me to melt that thing down with my heat-vision?

Really, it'd be no trouble.

Huh? Oh.

[JOKER SHOUTS]

[GRUNTS]

[SHOUTS]

I told you to stay out of it.

Oh, sorry.

And as for your club...

...I, Batman, will never join the Justice League.

Is that clear enough?

All right. Fine, Batman. You don't have to shout.

I do have super-hearing, you know.

[GROANlNG]

Uh-oh.

[GRUNTS]

ALFRED: If l may say so, sir, Superman seems like a splendid chap.

Perhaps you should reconsider joining his Justice League.

You forget, Alfred, l work alone.

I am a shadow. Protector of all, but friend to no one.

[ALL SLURPlNG DRlNKS]

I am a solitary spirit of vengeance who walks the night alone and--

[SlGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Still no information about the disappearance of Superman.

Metropolis is panicking. Crooks are escaping justice.

Hundreds of cats are stuck in trees. Superman, we need you.

I may not trust this alien, but when the Man of Steel goes missing...

...I wanna know why.

Criminals across the globe have ample reason to take out Superman.

Or worse, turn him against us.

But how can I scour the entire planet for clues? Ugh.

I hate to do it, but I have no choice.

Hey, wow, Batman. Are you calling about joining the league?

No. I'm calling because Superman has mysteriously disappeared.

He could be anywhere, which means we have to search everywhere.

So-- Are you even listening to me?

Of course. And l'm painting.

I find this kind of hobby really helps me slow down and appreciate life.

It's called multitasking. Anyway, I'm happy to help.

Fine. l'm sending you my coordinates.

-How soon can you--? -I'm ready now.

Look, l just painted this for you. It'll really brighten up the cave.

[SNORING]

MAN: Wakey-wakey, Superman.

Hey. Where am l?

Come out of those shadows and show yourself.

[GRUNTING]

MAN: Ha, ha. You just got your hands on Kryptonite-laced cell bars.

You're my prisoner. There is no escape.

[MAN LAUGHlNG MANIACALLY]

Anything to report, Flash?

Nothing in China.

Nothing in Switzerland.

Nothing in Mexico, amigo.

But check it out, partner. I started doing landscapes.

Ice on the pyramids. That can only mean one thing...

...your old nemesis, Captain Cold, is up to no good.

Yep. Captain Cold is right there zapping that ancient ruin thingy.

BATMAN: An obelisk.

Whatever it is, he's not gonna get it.

Flash, wait.

[SHOUTS]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[GROANlNG]

[LAUGHlNG]

Ow!

Grr! I'll fix you, Batman.

[SHOUTlNG]

-Flash! -See, Bats?

If you were in the league, it could be like this all the time.

[GROANS]

Ha, ha. You shouldn't talk while driving, speedster.

Now, quit it.

[GROANS]

No more Batarangs. No more Batarangs.

[CAPTAlN COLD LAUGHING]

Flash!

That ought to help cool your heels while l make off with the obelisk.

[SHOUTS]

What? But how?

Naturally, you couldn't know that I was wearing...

...my special super-thermal-heated over-underwear.

Then l'll turn your brain into a frozen slushie.

BATMAN: Good thing Flash's super friction melted this sand into highly reflective glass.

Hmm.

Hmm. Strange. Atlantean hieroglyphics.

Gone.

Looks like l'm forced to make another call.

AQUAMAN: You called the right undersea monarch, Batman.

I'm not just a member of the Justice League-- Which you really ought to join by the way.

--I'm also the king of Atlantis, you know?

Wanna find out anything about my realm? I'm the guy to talk to.

So you've mentioned, Aquaman. Repeatedly.

[RADAR BEEPlNG]

I've got strange energy readings at 1 0 o'clock.

AQUAMAN: lt's my old foe Black Manta trying to steal that pitchfork thingy...

...from a statue of some old sea god or something.

-The sacred trident of Poseidon? -Yes. That's it. Ha, ha.

I knew that. We have a lot of gods.

Put down that pitchfork-- Trident. --Manta.

MANTA: Attack.

My sea-creature telepathy will halt this attack.

[GRUNTING]

These sharks don't seem to be obeying me.

Hey. Sea king over here.

Sea king.

BATMAN: It's no use, Aquaman.

They're robo-sharks. I'll lead them away, you stop Manta.

Don't worry, I'll finish him off quickly.

-"Finish"? Get it? -Ugh.

[ALARM BEEPING THEN BATMAN GROANS]

I lose more Bat-subs this way.

Fire in the hole.

Three, two, one.

[MANTA GRUNTS THEN CHUCKLES]

It'll never be yours, Manta.

This trident is a precious symbol of ancient Atlantis.

[STATUE CRACKING]

[GASPS]

Also, it keeps the statue of Poseidon from falling over!

[AQUAMAN GRUNTS THEN MANTA LAUGHS]

[MANTA SHOUTlNG]

Ha, ha. Oh!

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHlNG]

[CHUCKLES]

Let that be a lesson to you, Manta. The king of Atlantis always, uh....

Uh, I don't feel so good.

MANTA: Mine, mine, mine.

And there's no one to stop me this ti--

What?

BATMAN: You lose, Manta.

MANTA: What's happening to me?

Batman, stop it.

Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser.

[GROANlNG]

Superman. Flash. Where are we?

We're in a power-nullifying cage of some kind, Aquaman.

And no way out. I've checked 52 million times.

Well, let's see if these bars can withstand the Atlantean might of the king of Atlantis.

MAN: Those bars are designed to drain the moisture from your body...

...leaving you a fish out of water. Ha, ha!

Fools. Your powers are nothing to me. You're doomed.

There's only one who can save you all. Ha, ha.

Captain, look.

MAN 1 : Ahoy, Batman. Can we give you a lift?

No, thank you, captain. I've got my own ride.

MAN 2: Yeah, Caped Crusader. MAN 3: Oh, yeah.

Bat-computer, locate Justice League members Wonder Woman and Cyborg.

l was a fool.

These thefts were merely camouflage for the real crime...

...the kidnapping of the entire Justice League.

With Superman, Flash, and Aquaman eliminated...

...Wonder Woman and Cyborg must be the next targets.

Next stop, Metropolis.

Ugh. Just as l suspected. Trouble.

Power down, robot boy, or my power armor will sever your circuits.

The name's Cyborg.

Nice cover fire, rookie.

[GROANS]

[SHOUTS]

O-M-G, it's Batman.

[SlNGlNG] Batman

First day on the job and I'm meeting the Dark Knight.

Great Hera, Cyborg. Keep focused on the job at hand.

I suppose you're here to beg admittance into the Justice League.

I'm not joining your superhero club, Wonder Woman.

[SHOUTS]

Rest in pieces, Loser League. Ha-ha-ha!

Ah. And now my prize.

The famous Daily Planet globe. But why on Earth do you want that, Lex?

I don't want it at all...

...but my anonymous benefactor has promised me the world for it.

[LAUGHlNG]

Well, I can guarantee you a world of hurt for it, Luthor.

Get in the game, do-gooder.

[LASER POWERlNG UP]

BATMAN: Desperate times call for desperate actions.

Batman's about to become Splat-man. Ha, ha.

Mm. Huh?

[GROANlNG]

Hmm.

Easy as taking candy from a baby. Huh?

Except when this baby is Batman.

Why, you....

[SHOUTS]

BATMAN: And that's that.

The entire newly-formed Justice League gone.

The only good news, I now know who's behind it all.

The disappearance of the monuments of the Justice League...

...were just framework crimes, like two slices of bread on an evil sandwich.

And the bologna in the center of that sandwich is me.

The mastermind behind the sandwich must be hiding...

...at the last place I'd ever want to go.

The Hall of Justice.

Just as l suspected, a Batman museum.

There's only one being who uniquely combines nearly unlimited power...

...and a fanatical obsession with me.

Show yourself...

...Batmite.

[lN DEEP VOICE] So, Batman, you figured it out.

I knew you--

[COUGHING]

[lN NORMAL VOICE] Sorry, l had a frog in my throat.

As l was saying. l knew you would.

You're Batman, the best hero ever.

And I'll prove it. Behold.

Batman. Thank Thalassa.

Four-hundred million and-- Oh.

Hey. You here to talk about joining the League?

BATMlTE: Batman doesn't need your stupid Justice League.

Even without powers, he'll prove he's better than all of you combined...

...by saving you from my incredibly over-complicated death trap.

As you can see, as soon as the Daily Planet globe rotates far enough...

...it'll knock over the obelisk...

...which catapults the trident into the giant penny...

...sending it rolling over the dinosaur's tail...

...causing it to release the drawstring in its mouth...

...which drops the curtain exposing that window.

Sunlight now falls on the giant gem...

...which acts as a focusing lens for the death ray...

...aimed right at the helpless so-called heroes.

Gentlemen, Wonder Woman, this is Batmite.

A mischievous, nearly omnipotent, interdimensional imp...

...my biggest and most misguided fan.

Don't worry.

Yes, Justice League, you needn't worry.

Though you're hopelessly trapped, the great Batman is going to--

Do nothing.

-What? -I'm done being your toy, Batmite.

The Justice League is to be released immediately.

Their superpowers are the key to undoing all that is wrong in our world.

Ha! They couldn't escape my death trap.

Only because your magic unfairly counters their superpowers.

Unfair, unshmair.

You'd better save them, Batman. Clock is ticking.

Batman's doing nothing to save us from the death trap.

No, Aquaman, don't you see?

Batman is distracting Batmite.

He said superpowers are the key.

And Batmite's magic counters our superpowers.

Of course.

[ROARS]

Fine, don't save them. See if I care.

You're still the best superhero in the universe...

...because even when I take away your utility belt...

...I take away your cool vehicles, I take away your mask...

...you still win because...

[AS BATMAN] ...you're Batman.

[GASPS]

[lN NORMAL VOICE] I-- l can't believe it.

You let them be blown up.

SUPERMAN: Not quite, Batmite.

-How? -Instant replay.

SUPERMAN: Your cage was only designed to contain our superpowers...

...so we escaped in a non-super way.

We simply opened the door.

[SHOUTS]

Thank you, Batmite.

Sure, no problem, Batma--

Thank you for what?

For helping me see how childish l was being about insisting I work alone.

It took someone to keep me out of the Justice League...

...to make me realize how important it is that I be a part of it.

If you'll still have me as a member.

I knew you'd come around.

Welcome to the team.

-Hera would be proud. -This is-- This is really great.

-We're unbeatable now. -Hey, welcome aboard.

Aah! You ruined everything. And you'll all pay.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Round two, Justice Jerks.

Okay, you crummy villains. Get them!

[SHOUTlNG]

[LAUGHlNG]

Hmm.

[SCREECHES]

[LAUGHS]

Ooh.

Ha, ha!

Ooh!

[GASPS THEN GROANS]

[ALL GROANlNG]

That was awesome.

Best show l ever saw.

Why should l be a super fan for just one hero...

...when l can root for an entire team?

Huzzah, Justice League!

Wait, so that little menace is obsessed with all of us from now on?

What does that even mean?

It means you'll have to expect the unexpected.

You mean like Batman getting over his suspicions...

...and becoming my new best friend?

[ALL LAUGHING]

BATMAN: Now that I've joined the Justice League...

...l'll be able to keep a close eye on this super-powered alien.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHlNG MANIACALLY]