Original subtitles

We've got a special treat today, radio listeners.

We're talking with international pop sensation, the glamorous

Hannah Montana.

So, Hannah, where did we track you down?

I'm guessing some place fabulous and exciting.

Uh, yeah. I mean, if you could only see me now.

I'm actually, uh,

eating at a beautiful cafe in, uh, in Italy.

Wow! Where in Italy?

Um, in a great little town called, uh,

Sodium Free. I mean, uh, Sodiama Freme.

College man in the house!

Sh!

Hello? Can't you see I'm in the middle of doing an interview?

Hello? In the middle of not caring.

Dad, I can't believe I was so

down on going to Malibu Community College.

It's going to be amazing.

That is a great attitude, son.

Now, let's see those text books.

Right. About that, uh, you know, MCC's

about more than just books, Dad.

It's-It's about broadening your horizons

with-- In new places with new people.

Uh, do all the new people there

wear hats with crab claws on them?

Just the ones with school spirit!

We are the Sand Crabs

The mighty fighting Sand Crabs

Sh!

Big house, many rooms, go find one!

Big bag, no books, where are they?

Come on, Dad, there was a crazy line

for books so I made an educated

decision to spend my first day of college a little more wisely.

Translation, the girl selling the Sand Crab doodads was

cute and you decided to broaden your horizons with her.

Dad, please, she's got a name. Cashier number

eight-eight-six-sev- en-five-three-oh-nine.

Hey, hey! Get your crabby claws off my garlic bread!

Ooh, trouble in Sodiama Freme?

Oh no, it's just my crabby brother

and his, ew, fungus-filled feet.

Zip it, brat! That's personal.

Oh yeah, sure, now you whisper!

Oh, now you whisper.

Oh no!

Oh now you wh--

Hey, who knew Hannah had a brother?

How old is he, nine? Ten?

Yeah, I wish he acted that mature.

Dad.

How about that? Even pop stars have

brothers they're embarrassed by.

Tell me about it, you have not

lived until you've seen him pick

the lint out of his navel, sniff it, and then put it back.

Uh, no, th-that's not true!

I-I don't always put it back.

You hear that, girls? If you're looking for a lint-sniffing,

stinky- footed goofus, Hannah Montana's brother is your man!

Ow!

Hey! You, back off.

And you, take back what you said about your brother.

Fine. Listen, about my brother--

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

Enjoy Italy, Hannah!

Oh, I will. Ciao! Well, I tried.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, thanks a lot! You just made

me sound like a total loser on national radio.

Oh relax, nobody knows that Jackson Stewart's Hannah's brother.

Except for the entire town of Crowley Corners where

there's tons of girls who now think I'm a total loser!

If they already know you, they already know

that you're a total loser. No harm, no foul!

Oh, oh, there has been harm

and to be fair, there will be foul...play.

From me to you!

You just messed with the wrong Fighting Sand Crab, missy!

We are the Sand Crabs

The mighty fighting Sand Crabs

Yeah!

Week old shrimp.

Perfect.

Ah, revenge is a dish best served stinky.

Jackson!

Nothing, what week old shrimp?

Hand it over, son.

Oh come on, Dad, you heard what she said about me

Can't I just pour some in her pockets?

Jackson.

In her shoes?

Jackson.

Fine.

Oh, would you look at that? Now you know she only sucks

her thumb when she feels guilty about something.

That doesn't mean she feels guilty about me.

Jackson. Sorry.

Doesn't prove anything.

Look at that face. It's like trying to stay mad at a kitten.

Aw! No! No, no, no, no. No, that's not going to work on

me this time. I'm just going to look away.

Look away.

Hmm, what's that smell?

Revenge! And it would have been all over you if a certain

shrimp-stealing sister-saver hadn't stepped in and stopped me!

Jackson, look,

this is really hard for me to say.

Harder than "shrimp-stealing sister-saver"?

I doubt it!

Shrimp-stealing sister-saver, shrimp-stealing sister-saver.

Shrimp-steal--Aw, sweet niblets, that is hard to say.

Jackson. Please.

Go ahead.

I shouldn't have said that stuff about you on the radio.

I was just trying to be funny and

I'm sorry that I embarrassed you.

Okay fine, I forgive you!

Uh, no, no, I have a condition.

You know your Hannah friend, Traci? She's throwing

one of those pretty people parties tonight

and you have to take me with you.

But you don't even like Traci.

True, but she throws great parties with free food,

giving me a cheap way to take out

the girl of my dreams. Cashier number

eight-eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine.

Oh, come on.

Can't you just-Can't you just pour

some shrimp in my hair and let's call it even?

Yes?

No.

Party.

Aw, are you sure about the shrimp?

Yeah.

Fine.

Sorry, Ma, I can't really talk to you right now.

I'm about to use that Aerobic Stepper you got me.

Oh heck yeah, I use it every day.

Oh you wouldn't believe the things

it's done for me.

Okay, I'll call you later. Bye-bye.

And, here we go.

And one, and two, and three, and four.

Ha, there you are you little double fudge delights.

Hey-oh!

What cookies? Where?

Oh, Rico. What are you doing here?

Just hoping I could get an autograph on this

vintage Robby Ray album I happily

overpaid for because it's more than just music,

it's a piece of American history.

Uh, that's a very pretty speech, son, but, uh,

we both know you hate country music.

What would make you say such a terrible thing?

Maybe because, uh, last week you yelled out,

"Hey, Robby, I hate country music".

Aw, shucks, partner. Y'all know I was just funning you.

All right, fine. I met this gorgeous beach babe and

she's perfect except for one tragic character flaw.

She likes country music, doesn't she?

Loves it!

She even has a dog named Banjo.

Oh, I had a dog named Banjo!

Surprise, surprise.

The point is I may have given her

the impression that I'm a pretty good line dancer.

How good?

World champion.

Whoo, sounds like you're in more trouble than a

long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

You've got to help me.

Please, I'm begging you. Beg, beg, beg, beg, beg.

It's okay, Rico. Uh,

I'll do it. You don't have to embarrass yourself in front of me.

Really?

Aw, heck no.

You have to embarrass yourself in front of the

whole beach, here.

Come on now, let's hear it.

Whee, doggies! I sure do love that there country music!

You know, Traci's parties are great except for one thing.

Let me guess, Traci?

Yeah! She's always there! Why is that?

Yeah, good luck with that.

Hannah! Traci!

Ooh, this place looks incredible!

Welcome to my day in the life of me party.

Featuring all the important things I do

to make this possible. Over there we

have facials, or what I like to call tracials.

And on that side, trassages,

and of course tranicures and tredicures.

Hmm, you know, after all this stuff you'd think you'd be less trugly.

Lola.

You know what, I happen to think it's a great idea.

And I have an in-grown troenail and a nasty

rimple I need traken care of.

Hannah, it's a bit, let's not work it to death.

Hannah, Hannah, this is perfect.

Not only did I just get my nose hairs trimmed, see?

Nice.

No, I see a little boogie back there.

Oh, no, that's just his brain.

You are adorable.

Anyway, uh, Mia, or as you might remember her,

cashier number eight-eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine,

she is totally loving me for

bringing her to this party.

I think she might be my first college girlfriend.

Wave and smile!

Ooh, I'm getting a little nervous.

You think she'll notice?

You'll be fine. If she had a sense of smell she

wouldn't go out with you in the first place.

Good point.

Wow, you know he's totally forgiven you for the radio thing.

Yeah, well, I apologized and he knew I really meant it.

Thumb sucking in your sleep again?

I've never been awake to see it, but apparently it's irresistible.

Hmm.

Ah, these reflexology massages are the best.

All your emotions are tied to pressure

points in your feet, you know.

Oh come on, Traci, you don't really believe that, do you?

I love you!

Sorry! That was my feet talking.

Maybe your feet.

My feet are pumiced,

polished and ready to pounce! Meow!

Lola, you have got to try this.

All your emotions are

tied into your--

All right, what 'd you just hit there?

Uh, yeah, looks like fun,

but, uh, they just called my number for

the spray tan.

Ooh, goodbye p ale and pasty, hello tan and tasty!

Hey, Hannah,

I heard thumb-thing interesting about you.

What are you talking about?

Check it out. You're all over the internet.

"Insider says Hannah still sucks thumb"?

Wow, somebody really had it in for you.

Jackson!

All right, where is that stinky-pitted,

backstabbing, blabbermouth?

Yo, eight-eight-six-seven whatever,

where's Jackson?

Getting a facial.

Thanks.

Hey, Hannah.

Ah, that's funny!

She says she wants it harder.

Yeah. Ow!

Um, Gina,

it's time for your break.

Hello? Traci, not done here.

Oh, don't worry.

Helga will give you a facial you'll never forget.

Yumping yimminy, you's betcha!

All'ski done'ski.

Sucker.

What's so funny?

Hey, what's-what's so funny?

What? What?

Ew!

What? Oh, what the--

No, no, no, this isn't mine.

It's-- No, no, no, see m-my boogers aren't this sticky!

Look at that.

See, I knew he had a boogie!

Oh, no that's just a little mixture of gum,

cucumber, and a whole lot of wig stick'em.

Bonus! I did not see that coming.

I will never date another freshman ever!

Wait!

That is embarrassing.

Just a little bit em barrassing.

Mia, come back! That's my car.

Got you. Or should I say snot you?

You did this? Why?

Please. Don't try to act innocent.

You told somebody about

this and now it's all over the internet.

You crossed the line!

No, I didn't. I-I didn't tell anybody.

Oh, please. Who would?

Oopsie.

I was talking to Traci and some people

and she said "I'm Hannah's best friend".

And I was like,

"Oh, I don't think so, I'm Hannah's best friend".

And she was like "You wish".

And I was like, "You wish"! And she was like "I know

best friend stuff about her".

And I was like, "I know way better best friend stuff about her,

like she still sucks her thumb".

And I knew it was wrong,

but I was talking too fast to stop sort of like now.

Stop. Now. Done. Sorry. Now.

Oopsie?

It's a little late for that.

Jackson, please wait!

I don't want to hear it!

Jackson! Come back!

That's my car.

Okay, partner, it's time to put a little scoot in your boot

and a little glide in your stride

with a little thing we like to call the electric slide.

Watch and learn.

Two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, clap.

One, two, three, clap.

And clap, and back, and start again. Now you do it.

That's it?

Yeah, that's it.

I "whee doggied" the whole beach for this?

Ridiculously easy.

Yeah, and totally wrong.

I mean, a good old boy ain't going to be wanting

to do all this kind of stuff.

You know what I'm saying? Your girl's looking

for a championship line dancer,

not the spin cycle on a washing machine.

Now do it one more time.

And don't do all the extr a curricular. Just do it.

And one, two, three, stop. And clap, and back, and...

Ah, ah, ah! Oh, it's no use! I can't stop myself!

My mind says "whoa" but my hips say "go"!

Curse the fire that flows through my Latin veins!

Now chill out, El Fuego. You've just got to get in touch

with your inner cowboy. I know just the thing to do it.

Whoo!

Ride 'em, cowboy, ride 'em.

Yee-haw! Whoo!

Come on, Mr. Stewart,

I've been on this thing for three

hours and I can't feel my inner cowboy or my inner thighs!

Climb on down, let's see what we've got.

What I've got is a busted back and butt blisters!

Perfect!

What do you mean, perfect?

Look at you, you're finally walking like a real cowboy

Now let's see if you can dance like one.

Yee-ha!

Slide 'em, cowboy, slide 'em.

Come on, Jackson,

I've been saying I'm sorry for like the past sixteen hours.

What more do you want me to do?

Okay, okay, fine.

I humiliated you in front of a girl you like

and so, uh, you want me to do the same thing.

All right, you see that really hot guy over there?

He just transferred here and all the girls

are crazy about him, including me.

I am about to create a very sad entry in my diary.

And all for you!

Hey, Drew. Hey, guys.

Hey, Miley.

Um, do you mind if I have a chili fry?

Oh, you don't want these. They've been here

since we sat down, but I can go get us some.

Oh, no, don't worry about it.

Mm. That's so good.

Free and I did not even mess up my nails.

Oh, that's gross!

Oh, what? You're afraid of somebody that eats used food?

Well you know what? I am a cheap date, that is your loss.

Uh, sorry, I've got to go.

Are you happy now?

Drew is never going to talk to me again.

So we're even, right?

All right, fine. You want

me to humiliate myself in front of the entire beach?

I'll do it.

But you just remember, this is all for you.

Whoo! If that don't put a hole in the ozone,

I don't know what will!

Huh? Huh?

The chili. The-- You know, the ozone?

Forget it, you're impossible.

You just don't get it, do you?

Get what?

Sure, I'm mad about what you did to me,

but it's why you did it that really hurts.

Come on, Jackson, I made a little mistake.

No, it's not little.

Look,

you're my sister and-and we may fight,

we may pull stuff on each other, but I would never

drag that into the Hannah world.

That's the line that I would never cross

and I-I can't believe you thought I would.

Jackson, look, I'm-I'm sorry.

I never should have thought that you would.

Okay, we're cool.

We're cool? That's it?

Yeah.

I just wanted you to know why you were apologizing.

So I did all this humiliating stuff for nothing?

Well, I wouldn't say it was for nothing.

It was enormously entertaining. Well done.

You're a horrible brother.

And you are a bratty sister.

Oh my gosh,

I've got to go try to explain this

to Drew so he doesn't think I'm a total dork.

Uh, Miles?

Uh-huh?

Good luck.

Thank you.

Another root beer. This time leave the can.

Rico?

What're you doing here? I thought you'd be

line dancing with your little filly about right now.

She stood me up.

Aw,

I'm sorry to hear that, buddy.

We've all been there.

Well,

it's never happened to me, but I have seen it in the movies.

I just never got a chance to show her my moves.

I consider that her loss.

Let's see if we can't get you cheered up.

Country style.

Howdy, ma'am.

And cowboy love strikes again.