Original subtitles

Hannah. Hannah. Hannah.

I love you, Las Vegas!

Remember, it's okay to take the shampoo, but not the robes.

Although they can be purchased in the hotel lobby for seventy-nine-ninety-five!

I cannot believe the hotel makes me say that. It is so embarrassing.

Yeah and it's a downer way to end a concert.

It's like Mick Jagger saying,

"Good night, everybody!

Don't forget to pick the hairs out of your shower drains!

Rock and roll!"

Yo, cowboy, turn that wagon train around, the room's over here.

No, it's not. It's over here.

Every night, same old thing.

I hate when he's right.

And he's going to steal our pillow chocolates again.

Gosh!

Traci?

Hannah! What a wonderful surprise.

And Lola...

Hannah, what a wonderful surprise.

What are you doing here?

Let me guess, auditioning for Cirque du so lame?

Stop it.

Funny, but stop it.

So, why didn't tell me you were going to be in Vegas?

I didn't tell anybody.

I can't, it's a secret.

If you're a friend, you'll respect that, okay?

Okay, bye.

Fine, if you're going to keep hounding me about it, I'll tell you!

I'm getting married tomorrow!

What?

And more specifically, to what?

At least somebody loves me, you bitter anime character.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, married? This is crazy.

What idiot talked you into this?

He's not an idiot.

He's my fiancé, Jakey.

Something, something, something, say what?

Something, something, something?

What? It's the best I can do, I'm in shock here.

Whoo

Here we go everybody

Oops, uh, wrong floor.

Not so fast, lover boy.

Uh, whoa!

BTW, hate the outfit.

BTW, I can change the outfit.

You're stuck with the voice forever.

-It's a nasal condition! -It's a nasal condition!

Now Miley, before you get upset I-I just want to say--

Me?

Upset? No.

I'm just so happy to see you making the worst decision of your life!

Hello.

Oh. Oh, my. What's this, a proposal?

Uh, a proposal

To her?

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, I mean we're just teenagers.

You know, barely more than children. Practically babies.

Getting married would be about the dumbest thing we could do, right Jake?

Uh, well I don't know if I'd call it dumb.

Oh really? What would you call it?

Stupid? Idiotic? Irresponsible?

Yeah, I'm good with all those.

Oh, good. The lobby.

Uh, uh, no, no, it's the nineteenth floor.

Uh, close enough.

I'll take my chances with the stairs.

Look, I know it's sudden,

but I love Traci and I want to be with her forever.

Jake, you barely know her.

You barely know yourself. We're talking about a lifetime commitment.

You change your phone plans every six weeks.

That's because a new one comes along that I like better.

Well then why be stuck with the same phone plan for the rest of your life?

If you and Traci really love each other,

you guys will still feel that way in a couple years.

Han, Han, Han, Han, Han, Han, Han, Han, Han, Han, Han.

She just saw your concert.

Oh, yeah.

Would you please sign her program?

Sure, what's your name, babe?

Ti-Ti-Ti-T-T--

-It's Tiffany. -Okay.

Dear Tiffany, never make the mistake of marrying too young.

Surveys show that teen marriages are more likely to end in the tragedy of divorce!

Never let one impulsive decision haunt you until the day you die!

Love always, Hannah. There you go, sweetie.

All I wanted was "rock on."

Sh.

Hey, how about that?

Neither one of us of us want advice from you.

I'm out of here.

No, you're not!

Hey, everybody! It's Hannah Montana!

Hey, everybody, there's Jake Ryan!

Why do I have to be more famous?

So Allison, what made you decide to give me a second chance?

Was it my sense of humor, my charm, my constant begging?

Oh, wait a minute. We went out before?

No.

Hey-o!

Oh.

Jackson, what are you doing on the floor?

There's a lovely young lady here.

I'm guessing you're either lost or on some sort of pity date.

Who is he?

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm being rude.

Uh, Allison, I'd like you to meet Rico.

Rico, I'd like you to meet the door.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Remember when I said I was opening Camp Rico?

And you said if the brats ever got bored I could bring them here.

I never said that.

Well it's your word against mine. Come on in, kids!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Meet Uncle Jackson, master of magic and balloon animals!

Yay!

No. No, no, no, no, no. There's no way.

Save your breath.

Kid number three wants an octopus.

Me first!

No, me first!

No, no, no. Me first!

Sorry, kids, but these lips got other plans.

Ew!

Yeah.

Fine. I guess we'll go back to the beach.

But it's raining.

Aw.

Be brave, little one. Be brave.

Come on, Jackson, I don't mind. I love kids. Let's-Let's let them stay.

Let them stay! Let them stay! Let them stay! Let them stay!

Okay fine, you can stay.

-Yeah! Yay! -I love kids, too.

Yay.

Dude, you totally planned this.

Please. I can't control the weather.

Or can I? Mwah-ha-ha-ha.

Hi, Jakey. It's me, Traci.

Oh.

-Miley, what are you doing? -Sh!

Hi Trace. What's up?

Um, I've been thinking about it and we are too young,

so I won't be marrying you tomorrow.

Oh, and if you see me anywhere in the hotel, don't talk to me,

I hate you.

All right, if that's the way you feel.

Bye, Miley.

Bye, Jake.

Dang it! How did he know it was me?

Well, he's either: A) telepathic, B) a witch, or C) aller ID.

I'll go with witch; it makes me look less stupid.

No, not really.

Okay, I left messages for both Jake and Traci's folks.

Now don't worry, once they call me back,

I'm going to straighten out this whole mess. It's all going to be fine.

Then why are you sweating more than Uncle Earl on back waxing Wednesday? Yow!

Oh, come on, Miley, it's not that-- Oh, it just hit me.

I'm sorry, honey, I just can't help it.

I mean what if it was you making a mistake like this?

Sacrificing your independence.

Tying yourself down

before you've even had a chance to explore the rest of the world.

Throwing away the rest of your life before you've even started living it.

Why would you do this to me?

Why would you do it, darlin'? Why?

Don't worry, Daddy, I'm not getting married until I'm at least twenty-five.

Whew.

Thirty.

Forty. Eighty.

Dad, I want to walk down the aisle, not be wheeled down it.

I'm sorry, honey. I just want you to make good choices.

Oh. Okay.

And right now I choose to breathe through my mouth

until you get your stinky pits out of my smell zone.

Is that your loving way of telling me I need to go take a shower?

Yes, please. And feel free to use the whole little bar of hotel soap.

Okeydokey.

Wow, I haven't held my breath that long since birth.

-Eep! -Traci!

Well, Hannah, I just talked to Jake and thanks to you,

I will not be wearing this fabulous wedding dress tomorrow.

Oh really! I mean, really?

Yes, because we're getting married tonight!

What?

What?

That's right. In a matter of minutes,

I'm going to be Mrs. Jake Ryan. Ciao.

I'm sorry, Traci, I can't let you do this.

Hurry, help me!

Grab it.

-Traci! What-- -Jakey, helpy, grabby!

Oh.

Whoa!

Ah!

What is she, part sled dog?

Come on.

Whoa. Oh.

I broke a nail. Now it's personal.

Stop!

We're still expecting a gift.

Something returnable, please!

Well, I guess that's it.

No. I'm not going to let him do this.

Dad. He's the only one that can stop it.

Okay.

-Whoops! -I know!

Whoa.

Where's your key? In there! Smooth move!

Dad!

-Dad! -Hotel shampoo smells real good

-Oh the doo dah day -Dad!

Dad!

Great, he's going to lather, rinse and repeat.

Dang that hair-loving hillbilly! Come on!

Come on, come on, come on.

-No time. Stairs. -Okay.

Lola!

And now, with the power vested in me by the state of Nevada---

Stop the wedding! They're too young!

My bad. Oopsies.

Don't make eye contact, that's the wacko from the elevator.

Oh, so sorry to barge in, but you know, it really is a great story to tell the kids.

No pressure or anything. Pets like a good story, too!

Wacko!

Hey, congratulations. Eighty's the new seventy-five.

Wait a minute, you're Hannah Montana.

Oh, do my nieces love youse!

Yeah, great, thanks.

Um, you know anything about a Jake Ryan wedding?

Well, I know I'm uniting the happy couple in five minutes for forty-nine-ninety-five.

They were too cheap to spend the extra five on the Al Blaine arrow of love.

Marie! We're going to need another dove!

The other Vegas cupids, you know, they don't got these.

There's more of them?

Well, I know where I'll be coming for my wedding!

So, where is the happy couple?

They're right through that door,

which is why youse is going through that door.

-Oh, see you don't understand. This is my ex-- -Sorry. No, no, no.

Specific instructions of the bride.

Who, by the way has a voice that goes through you

like my Aunt Rosa's day-old tuna casserole.

Whoo!

Now if you'll excuse me, Cupid needs to use the little angel's room.

-Thank you. -Oh, oh.

You said your nieces are fans, right?

Fans?

Forget about it!

Lola, go bang on the door until you get my dad.

I'll stall the wedding.

-Okay. -Go.

So, Cupe, baby.

How would your nieces like to see the concert from the front row?

Oh!

Oh!

Go ahead, pull it if you want.

We Latins have roots of steel.

What a cutie you are.

I know. And I'm rich, too.

It's almost not fair.

I'm so glad we let them stay, Jackson. Isn't this fun?

I'm sorry did you say something?

I can't hear anything over the blood pounding in my ears.

Here you go, kid.

But I wanted a giraffe!

Hey, tonight's not going the way I planned either.

Enjoy your worm.

I don't want a worm.

Well, then it's a sword.

Cool. Let's get him!

Yeah!

Oops.

I'm scared.

But it's just a movie about a mermaid and her friends.

I know, but the singing crab scares me.

Oh, oh, it's okay.

Don't let us touch the floor! It's made of lava!

I know.

Down in front!

No problem. Oh!

What a wimp!

Want me to call you a wambulance?

Hey, hey guys, guess what? I-I think the rain stopped.

You kids can totally go back to the beach now.

Yippee! Come on, let's go! Yay!

It's barely a trickle! Come on!

Where's the lovely couple?

Yo, Cupid. Over here.

Oh, there they are. And here I am.

Little help here.

Oh, thank you.

Can we move on with it please?

Ooh, someone's a naggy Nelly.

Fifty years with that voice, I'm just saying.

Please, we just want to get married.

We don't want to miss the late show with Carrot Top.

Oh, you got me tickets to Carrot Top!

Surprise!

Oh, you two are so cute.

And so very young.

So very, very, very, very...

Mr. Stewart! Mr. Stewart!

Very, very, very--

Young. We get it. Can we get married now?

Oh, of course. Of course. Of course. Of course.

Of course.

Of course. Of course.

I love the shower man

-And that's a fact -Mr. Stewart!

-Bow, bow, bow -Mr. Stewart!

-Now it's time to scrub my Hairy back -Mr. Stewart!

Ow!

Of course. Of course. Of course.

Oh, this is agonizing.

Ooh, speaking of agonizing.

That voice, I'm just saying.

I happen to love her voice.

Really?

Eh.

That's it! We don't need you, this city is crawling with Cupids.

You're not going anywhere!

Say hello to my little friend.

Um, ow?

Oh, give it up, stupid cupid.

Fifty years with that voice!

I'm just saying.

Whoa.

I can't let you guys do this.

Hannah?

You've got to listen to me, this is the biggest mistake of your life!

Okay.

Okay?

Gotcha.

Oh no.

That's right, Hannah Montana, you were this week's victim on Gotcha!

Oh no. Whoa, whoa. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Stop the wedding.

Little late there, Daddy.

Hey!

Who's getting Gotcha'd?

Oh.

Got to go.

I'm with you, wait up. Uh, love your show.

I cannot believe you did this to me.

Look, I-I'm sorry. We-We figured you'd just run in yelling,

"Hey, stop the wedding!" Nobody thought you'd

you know, where this fat suit and sprout wings.

You know, maybe this is a joke to you, but I was really worried.

You were, weren't you?

Of course I was, you big dummy.

You're one of my best friends. I really care about you.

I am?

Like one of those best friends

you can't stay mad at even when they really mess up?

Yes.

Okay, well then stop hitting me.

Okay. Now I'm good.

I really am sorry.

I just didn't realize, you know, you were still so into me.

You did not just go there.

Oh, come on, you're telling me

that that was all about me and Traci being too young,

nothing about you and me?

Look, Jake,

I know we had a thing once, but it is over. I'm done.

Moved on. I feel nothing.

Good, because I feel less than nothing.

Oh good because if you dug under the less than nothing that you feel,

you'd get what I feel!

But you wouldn't feel anything because I feel nothing.

Oh yeah?

Yeah and I'll prove it to you.

There. Like kissing a catfish.

A dead cold catfish with slimy lips.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Stupid Rico. Whiny brats.

"Kid number three needs to go number two, Jackson.

Just-Just show him to the bathroom,

I'll take care of your lady."

Mwa-ha-ha-ha--Hi Allison.

Hey. You know, things got so crazy last night,

I didn't get a chance to say how great you were with the kids.

-Oh yeah? -Yeah.

Well I just, uh, I love the little critters.

They're just-- They're so cute.

Well, I just wanted to thank you.

I mean, it wasn't exactly a date, but I had a lot of fun.

-Really? -Yeah.

Well, you know, we were sort of in the middle

of something before we were so rudely interrupted.

Oh we were?

You're going to have to jog my memory.

-Sorry, I just uh-- -No.

A-Are you getting sick?

No, no. I always sneeze when I'm happy.

Oh.

And I cough too.

Okay, you're getting sick.

You know what?

Maybe we should do this another time.

No, no, no. Wait.

I think i'm feeling better.

But it's a cute

right? Right?

Rico!