Original subtitles

Lilly!

Lilly!

OK, guess who is crushing big time?

Oh, Miley, not again, even Jeff Gordon makes a pit stop every once in a while!

I am not talking about me!

Although, uh, tall, dark and yummy over there is definitely on my radar!

Miley!

Right.

Anyhoo, I'm talking about Oliver. He is in love.

Are you sure? I was just in the girls bathroom

and there was nobody sobbing "Why me? Why me?".

I'm sure. I just saw him upstairs and he was totally distracted and "spacy".

Guess you're right. That's love. Painful, painful love.

Hey, how's it going? Nice kicks. Timmy!

Spill it Oliver, who is she?

Who's who?

The girl who you've fallen for... all the way down the stairs!

There's no girl.

Oh, really? Then, uh, how do you explain this box of chocolates?

Alright, fine, they're for a girl.

What's her name?

Guys she's not even in our grade, you don't know her.

Come on, you know you wanna tell us.

Yeah! Come on, come on, come on, come on!

Tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us!

Come on!

Tell us!

Come on!

Tell us!

Come on!

Tell us!

Come on guys, just leave me alone! OK?

Meow!

I've never seen him like this.

I know. Maybe we should respect his privacy.

Yeah. Although, if we respect it too long, we'll lose his trail. Come on!

Oh!

Thank you Oliver.

The ones with the little squigglies on top are the best.

I'm going to take A.P. English.

And I say A.P. Water Polo.

Good night, nurse! Oliver is crushing on someone old enough to remember The Beatles!

The who?

Them too!

Well, he did say she wasn't in our grade!

Not our grade? She ain't in our generation!

Ooh, hey that's a good one! I can't wait to use it on him!

No! You can't! Remember in seventh grade when you had

a crush on Monsieur Garneau, the French teacher?

Vaguely.

Please! You wore a béret and said "oui-oui" so

much, people started calling you Tinkles Truscott.

OK, fine! But people made fun of me, I got over it, now nobody even remembers!

Hey, Tinkles! We've got same stale French fries here!

And you know how you like things that are old and French!

Ooh, la la!

That was two years ago!

Yeah! She's had a ton of boyfriends since then!

OK, fine, two. And Lucas cheated on her, so that doesn't really count.

And the other one she took to court, but if you...

Stop helping me!

I get it. We can't make fun of Oliver.

For this. Everything else is fair game, right?

Of course. Now we've just gotta protect him from the trash-talking twins.

How?

Simple. We get him nursing on a new crush, not crushing on an old nurse.

Another good one I can't use.

Come on!

Mum, you may wanna sit down for this one. Jackson, you're grandson, got a B.

I told you, you may wanna sit down.

Yep, and it's all because of this new girlfriend he's got.

I'll tell you what, she is as smart as a whip and you

ain't gonna believe what an influence she's been on him.

Hey, here they come, I gotta go, if you can't get up, call me back.

There he is! My B boy and his A+ lady!

Dad!

Hi Mr. Stewart.

Little lady, from now on you can just call me Happy Pappy.

He's not really my dad. I was left on his doorstep. By a wizard.

Oh son, come on now, I didn't mean to embarrass

you, but look at this! You made the refrigerator!

I'm sorry, I just got a little dust in my eye, that's all.

Wow. What'll he do when he finds out about your A on the history quiz?

Oh, that's a risk I can't take!

OK, I'm just gonna go for a jog now and leave you

two to your... "studying". I'm sorry. More dust!

Hey Monica! Yeah, we're studying for the Chem test.

I don't know, he's cute, but I'm just not feeling it anymore.

I was gonna break up with him today.

But I just can't.

I'll wait until after the test tomorrow.

Pull it together old man! It's not like it's the last B I'll ever get!

Wanna bet?

OK, who's the lucky lady who's gonna break the "nurse curse"?

Hey, what about Stephanie? She's cute!

And on last year's field trip she sat in front of Oliver...

Oh yeah. He scarfed down three hot dogs before they got on the bus.

And she was wearing them when they got off!

No problem, I'm sure there's plenty of girls for Oliver.

Yeah, well let's see.

Tricked her, sat on her lunch, spilled on, spilled on.

Oh, and poor Pamela.

The only survivor of the Oken natural gas disaster of 2006.

Ew!

This may be harder than we thought.

Oh no, there she is. Sweet old lady doesn't suspect a thing!

Lover boy's at it again, let's go!

Hey guys, what's up? Oh, Miley, did you get hit by a football again?

No.

Soccer ball?

No.

Boomerang?

No, I'm fine! This isn't about me.

It's about Oliver, and you, and the chocolates, and that note.

So you know?

Yeah.

Oh, I am so glad he told you.

You are?

Absolutely!

He wanted this to be uh... our little secret.

But I told him it was nothing to be ashamed of.

You did?

Of course! Oliver didn't ask for this to happen, I mean... none of us ever do.

But when it does you can either run away from it or you can embrace it!

And you want him to embrace it?

Oh, I begged him to and now that he has... I couldn't be happier!

You're kidding me, right?

Why would I kid about Oliver having diabetes?

What?

Oliver has diabetes?

Of course, what did you think I was talking about?

Diabetes!

Oliver has diabetes! She meant to say it with the period, but

she said it with a question mark by mistake. Right Lilly?

Ar... oh yeah. It's a teenage girl thing.

We all do it.

My mum hates it.

Wait a minute, you didn't think that Oliver...

No!

Because I would never...

Of course not!

I mean, Oliver?

We know.

I mean, let's face it. You still have a couple

of good years left, you could do a lot better.

Gee, thanks.

Poor Oliver.

I know. I just wanna give him a big hug.

Oh, this is why he gave her the chocolates. So he wouldn't eat them.

When you have diabetes you're not supposed to have a lot of sugar.

Wait a minute, you guys didn't know, did you?

Uh-uh.

Oh boy. OK, listen.

You can live a very full life with diabetes, but this is

still all very new to Oliver and he's struggling with it.

So please, let him tell you, OK?

But, what if he doesn't?

Yeah, we're his friends, I mean, we wanna help him.

So you're just gonna have to be patient, OK?

OK, we can do that.

We can't do this!

It says here that Oliver's body just doesn't

process sugar the way it's supposed to.

But if he takes his insulin and doesn't eat to many sweets, he can lead a normal life.

I don't know now why he's so afraid to tell us.

I could totally help him stay away from sugar.

I agree. You are quite the little role model.

That's not the point. I mean, he's gotta tell us eventually. What's he waiting for?

I can't imagine. It's not like you didn't tell

him you were Hannah Montana right off the bat.

I mean, you didn't keep him waiting,

and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting...

I got the point Captain Subtle.

Hey, I got a great idea, why don't you take him to Traci's

party tonight? Hang out, have fun, get his mind off things.

That's actually a good idea!

I do have those on occasion, you know. It's not like I'm one of those dopey TV dads!

You keep telling yourself that big fella.

Oh, my little B boy! I hardly knew ya!

OK, OK, so what do you call a pig who knows karate?

A pork chop! Ha-ya!

Jackson! Allison! You're here! Together, that's great!

You are a b-eautiful couple!

Don't worry, he always gets like this just before nappy time, huh? I'll be right back.

Don't blow this for me! She said she wants to

"talk" and I think we both know what that means.

Well, one of us does.

just go!

Go, go, go, go, go... go, go, go!

Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye! I am

just dancing over to you because I can't wait

to talk.

Ready when you are.

Actually, I really did wanna talk.

Really?

OK, well I guess we could... you know, start with that.

Listen, Jackson.

Hey, uh, before I take my nap I just wanted to say to you

that you are the best girlfriend Jackson has ever had!

Ever!

He's had a lot of, I cannot keep the ladies off of this one.

Dad, we're trying to have a little conversation here!

Conversation? Oh, you don't wanna do that.

Talking's the quickest way to ruin a relationship!

All the ladies say he's got lips like butter.

Dad!

Oh, son, don't be modest. You know, Stewart men only get better-looking with age.

Exhibit A.

Could you excuse us?

OK.

Hey, did I happen to mention he's gonna inherit a lot of money?

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get you into college!

How? By humiliating me?

By saving this relationship.

I heard her on the phone yesterday, she gonna break up with you.

What?

Sorry son.

Is that true? You wanna break up with me?

Yeah!

And I didn't know exactly how to say it. Thank you so much Mr. Stewart.

Wow! That was easier than I thought!

It's just so unfair! I did everything I could! What more did she want?

Look, these things happen.

How could you be so OK with this?

Well, I just found out that I'm gonna inherit a ton of money!

And get even better-looking!

And you said I needed college! Yeah, wow!

Come on, let's go, it'll be fine.

You guys, I'm really not up for this, OK? I'm just gonna head home.

Oliver, okay you are not thinking clearly.

Okay, this Traci’s sweet sixteen.

There’s going to be a ton of sweet sixteens,

if you know what I mean. Huh?

What do you mean?

There’ll be a lot of cute girls. Pretty girls.

Ooh, and better yet,

girls that haven’t really formed an opinion of you yet.

Oh and, you know,

sometimes it’s good to take a break from things, you know,

like homework or stuff

that might be weighing heavily on your mind.

Or lightly.

You know,

stuff that seems heavy now, but with time,

and the support of your great friends—

And a well-balanced diet.

Life can be a wonderful thing.

A wonderful, wonderful thing.

Okay. I’m thinking your wigs are on a little bit too tight.

And you are right. See? We need you.

We are not stable. Come on, let’s go have fun.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Look at all the cupcakes.

Uh, yeah. You should really get that homework done.

It’s not going to do itself, mister. Let’s go.

Hannah. Welcome to my sweet sixteen.

Emphasis on the sweet.

Yep, everything looks great here.

Happy B-day. Air-kiss. I got to go, bye.

But you just got here.

Let’s split the difference. Ciao, Lola.

“Ciao, Lola.”

Uh, no, see we-we all got to get out of here

because I have a headache,

he’s got homework to do, and she just can’t stand you.

Uh, okay, it can wait.

Like you said, “Life can be a wonderful, wonderful thing.

” Hello there, wonderful thing.

So, it’s settled, you’re staying.

And seriously, I have a driver if you need a ride home.

And seriously, uh,

nobody here really thinks you’re sixteen.

Yeah. Bye.

Yeah. “Bring him along. It’ll be fun. ” Thanks a lot, Dad.

What are we supposed to do now?

Why does it always have to be me?

Don’t you have an idea? A suggestion?

Something to get the ball rolling? Yeesh!

Hello! What do you want me to do?

Eat every cupcake, cookie,

and brownie before he does?

Finally! Something useful.

Yeah. Yeah, I had a good idea. Yes, I did. Ooh, ooh--

Getting a pet rat,

so at least you look good next to something?

Yeah, what size collar do you wear?

Ooh, uh, sweet things everywhere I look.

You know what I mean? Oh,

here you go.

Oh, thank you.

What are you guys doing?

I’m just hungry.

Really, really hungry.

So I said to her, Beyonce, in my book “A-yonce”. Right?

What are you doing?

I love licorice.

Go get your own.

There’s no more!

No, she’s got a whole tray over there.

They’re like potato chips. You can’t have just one.

Let’s go.

Celebrities. They think they’re entitled to everything.

Wait. I don’t know where the food went. I got enough to feed a whale.

Or two.

Well, the good news is we’ve

saved Oliver from all that sugar.

I never thought I’d hate the taste of a brownie.

Hey, where is Oliver anyway? I can’t see him.

I can’t see my belt.

Where’d everybody go?

Party’s…

Over.

Halle…

Man, you know I never even got anything to eat.

Finally.

No!

What is wrong with you guys?

We, uh, we really like cupcakes.

And we know about your diabetes.

You do?

Yeah, the school nurse told us.

I mean we couldn’t just stand by and let you eat that cupcake.

Or this cupcake, or this cupcake,

or this cupcake, or this-this pie.

You guys think I can’t eat this stuff because I have diabetes?

Well, yeah. I mean I think so.

I just—I didn’t get to finish that pamphlet

because I got ice cream all over it.

Sh. Don’t say “ice cream” in front of him.

Sorry.

Guys, I have Type One Diabetes,

which means I can have stuff with sugar in it.

As long as I manage my diet and monitor my blood sugar with this.

You know actually according to this my blood sugar is low,

which means I actually need something like a-like a brownie.

If there were any left.

Oh, wait. Wait. Kept that warm for you.

Gee, thanks.

Look, Oliver, I’m sorry, but why didn’t you tell us?

I don’t know. You know,

I didn’t want you guys to look at me like I was broken.

Because I’m not.

Well, we would’ve known that if you would have told us.

Yeah, I know. And I should have.

And I guess I should have rinsed off that

pamphlet before we became the food police.

Mm. It’s chocolate-y and,

what, it’s got like a hint of, uh, pineapple? Mango?

Uh, that’s, uh, that’s my tropical mist deodorant.

Maybe we should just, uh,

stop by a smoothie place on the way home.

Yeah. Let’s do that. Okay. Good idea.

Tonight we learned a lot of important things.

Yeah. I learned that forty kids get diagnosed

with Type One Diabetes every day.

Yeah and I learned you can’t get

it from eating too many sweets.

And I learned if you take your insulin appropriately,

exercise, and eat a balanced diet you can do anything

and be anything you want to be.

And I learned that someday

I’m going to be good looking

and I’m going to inherit a lot of money. Whoo-hoo!

And I learned that my brother’s really annoying.

Oh wait, I already knew that.

Oh wait I already knew that.

Oh wait I already knew that.

Oh wait I already knew that.