Original subtitles

l still can't believe Hannah's getting her own diamond

on the Hollywood Parade of Diamonds.

Come on, Oliver.

l know it's a big honour, but let's not act like tourists.

Just be cool.

Oh, my gosh, it's Madonna!

- Take our picture. - Take our picture.

Yeah. That's really cool.

What is it with chicks and Madonna?

So, where's your diamond gonna be?

Well, the Hollywood Diamond Committee said it's two past Madonna.

So, Madonna, Brad Pitt...

What's that gunk on your diamond?

lt looks like chilli.

lt is chilli.

And it's gross.

Come on, people, keep it in your buns.

Excuse me.

Could you move your cart down the street a little?

Could l? Sure. Will l? No.

But you could put it right by Scooby-Doo's diamond.

''Hot dog on a hot dog.'' l'll help you push.

Hands off the cart, princess.

l've been slinging weenies on this spot for 20 years,

and l'll be slinging them for 20 more.

But Hannah Montana's diamond is gonna be here,

and your dogs are leaking on it.

Hannah Montana? All the kids in my building love her.

So you'll move?

No. l hate all the kids in my building.

Give it up, cupcake.

There's nothing in the world that's going to get me off of this spot.

Quitting time.

Don't worry, folks. l'll be back tomorrow.

My bad.

l am not cleaning that up, mister.

- Oliver, clean it up. - No.

Hey, look, flowers.

At night, devoted fans can place rose petals on your diamond

to cover up the chilli stink.

Still disgusting, but better.

- Are you all right? - Fine. The flowers make me phlegmy.

Right on the diamond.

Let me guess. You've been here 20 years and you'll be here 20 more?

And after that, my son'll take over.

Wow, talk about your spitting image.

come on!

lt was disgusting.

There was so much gunk on the sidewalk,

it was like l was getting my diamond on Uncle Earl's back porch.

Come on, darling. l'm eating here.

Besides, it's not important where they put the diamond,

it's the fact they gave you one in the first place.

But the place they gave me is on the corner of Chilli Avenue

and Snot Rocket Boulevard.

Now let me tell you, when they gave me

my diamond, what they did was...

Put it right in front of the world famous Chinese Theatre,

right where the tour bus lets off.

They say it's one of the most

photographed diamonds out there, but...

l may not be the best example.

You think?

Let me tell you, honey, what's important, is always remember,

it's just an honour to have one.

All right, great. Then you'll give me yours.

Honey, that wouldn't be right.

Then you would have a great spot and learn nothing.

What kind of a father would l be if l let that happen?

The kind that just wants to keep his spot.

Honey, l had it first.

Besides that, it's right next to John Wayne.

The Duke, honey, the Duke.

But you said location doesn't matter.

lt doesn't. l'm just too old to listen to myself.

You, on the other hand, legally have to. Bye-bye.

No.

Please just be a little broken. Please just be a little broken.

l said please!

And l was gonna get you a hot wax!

Hey-o, it's Rico!

Rico, my car broke down. l'm going to be late for work.

Sure, these things happen. l totally understand.

Well, gee, thanks, man.

Of course, if you're not here in five minutes, you're fired.

Come on. Have a heart.

4:58, 4:57... Tick-tock, tick-tock.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What if l get somebody to cover my shift?

ls it somebody like you or someone with a brain?

That's a good one, boss. Hey, wanna hear another good one?

...3, 2...

Hey, boss.

What do you want me to do first?

A jumbo Jackson.

This is gonna be good.

Excuse me.

l am looking for a Mr Randall Garrison,

the President of the Parade of Diamonds Committee.

You found him.

- What? - l don't know! You screamed first!

l'm just so thrilled to finally meet Hannah Montana.

What can l do for you? Whatever it is, the answer is yes.

- Great. Move my diamond. - No.

- But you said the answer is yes. - l lied.

But, Mr Garrison, you don't understand.

There's this hot dog guy with drippy chilli

and this phlegmy flower family going...all over my diamond,

and now all over your shoe.

Sorry?

So am l. Look, rules are rules.

Only once in our history have we ever moved a diamond.

- Whose diamond? - Your diamond.

My diamond?

Originally, you were in a wonderful spot,

then l switched it.

Special request from a great talent and an even greater humanitarian.

That's right. l'm talking about Pancake Buffalo.

A puppet?

l lost my diamond to a pile of purple felt

with a hand where its heinie should be?

Hold it right there.

When l was a little boy, and Tv was my only friend,

that pile of purple felt taught me how to love.

Very, very touching. Switch me back.

And put my little buffalo back under that

horrible pile of chilli and lung lava?

l don't think so.

Fine.

lf you won't do the right thing, then l'll just go talk to the hand.

What hand?

The hand that's up to its elbow in buffalo butt.

Here you go. Enjoy. Y'all come back now, you hear?

Excuse me, Mr Stewart.

Anyone ever told you you've got great hair?

Rico, is the sky blue?

l wouldn't know. l'm not looking at the sky.

l'm looking at hairy nachos!

A friend of yours, l presume?

l guess l could wear a hat.

Thanks, but l've got a better idea.

There.

This is a crime against nature.

Fine. You can lose the hair net, but Jackson will lose his job.

You are an evil little boy.

Flattery will get you nowhere.

Now l believe it's time to scrape the gum from underneath the counter.

This may take some time. l chew a lot of gum.

Hey, cafeteria lady, less looky, more scrapey.

You are about to find yourself in a very sticky situation.

Hey, Rico, l got my car started.

Rico?

- My dad? - Yeah.

- l'm fired? - Yeah.

And that's all the planets in our solar system

We'll sing it again tomorrow in case you missed them

l'm Astronaut Hector.

And l'm Pancake Buffalo

And that is the end of our out of this world

Outer space, intergalactic show

Bye-bye, kids.

That was a wonderful rehearsal.

Hector, you deserve an extra-special cupcake.

Eight years of drama school for this.

l can't believe l'm this close to Pancake Buffalo.

That little puppet taught me how to go potty.

Diapers are for babies l'm a big kid don't you know

And when l get that uh-oh feeling l know where to go

The potty, the potty.

- And flush it all down. - l get it! l get it.

You got the ''potty'' in you.

Excuse me,

Miss Pancake Buffalo puppet-person lady.

Hi, l'm Cindy Merriwether,

and l know who you are, Hannah Montana.

But l don't know who you are, or you, either.

But that's okay, because...

When you don't know someone's name...

lt's Mike and Lola!

Anyway, l hear that Pancake and l are gonna be neighbours

on the Parade of Diamonds.

And Pancake is so excited.

Miss Merriwether? l'm not a kid any more.

You don't have to pretend like Pancake's real.

What do you mean?

- That he's a puppet. - Oh, no, he's not.

Yes, he is. You operate him behind this thing.

No, l don't.

Pancake is my special friend.

At my high school reunion, he was my date.

lt's nap time, Pancake.

She's just deep into character.

Yeah, scary deep.

Bindenboudenschlasser truffles,

made with milk from happy Swiss cows.

- Now what can l do for you? - Well, you see...

Well, you know that you've kind of...

Well, you and...

You stole my diamond!

Now, you don't need to use your angry voice.

You know, she's always had a problem with that.

- Zip it! - You see?

Hannah, darling.

Cindy understands why you're such a grumpy-umpus.

You had the diamond first,

and we shouldn't have switched it without asking.

So you'll switch me back?

- l would love to. - Yes!

But it's not up to me.

l don't like where this is going.

lt's up to me, blondie, so ask me with your happy voice.

Cindy, please.

There's no Cindy down here! Now let me hear that happy voice.

Okay.

Pancake Buffalo.

Will you please give me my diamond back?

Well, now that you put it that way...

No!

But that's not fair!

You want to switch diamonds? Go ask that Garrison bozo.

Wait a minute, he loves me.

Okay, listen here, you glorified oven mitt.

Hey, Hannah, want to know the weather report for Montana?

Chilli all day, with 1 00% chance of spit showers!

Security! Security!

Don't validate her parking.

Excuse me, Mr Garrison.

Miss Montana. Again.

And if it's about your diamond, l don't want to hear it.

But, Mr Garrison, you don't understand.

l went to Cindy Merriwether

and she made me talk to the puppet like it was real.

He is real to millions of children.

So, what did he say?

Your fuzzy little friend called you a bozo.

Miss Montana...

- But it's true. - We were there.

lf you'll excuse me.

Okay, that's it.

lf Captain Kiss-Up is not gonna believe

that Merriwether and her puppet are evil,

we will just have to show him.

And how do we do that?

Well, it usually involves bad accents, sticky food and dumb costumes.

That is so not true.

Hey, Oliver, can you get your hands on your mom's old security outfit?

- l'm so in. - Rookie.

Keep them sharp. l like to scratch.

Come on. We talked about this.

Fine.

Hey, Rico. There's someone here who wants to talk to you.

l'm all ears.

l'm sorry.

My behaviour was totally inappropriate

and a disgrace to this fine establishment.

- l hate this. - Just do it.

And in no way reflects the opinion of my diligent, hard-working son. There.

What can l say? l'm as forgiving as l am handsome.

Apology accepted.

Now was that so hard?

You really want to rattle the gator's cage, boy?

No, sir.

You're a genius.

Okay, so, l guess l'll just go back to work then.

l always wondered why he was such a loser.

Now l know. He gets it from his dad.

Excuse me?

Talk about your country dumbkin.

''Country dumbkin''?

Jackson!

Say it. Go on. Say it.

All right, l'm sorry.

- And? - l have a big mouth.

- l can't hear you. - l have a big mouth!

Now was that so hard?

- This isn't funny. - That's right.

But this is.

Well, we have two hours before the ceremony.

ls there anything you or Pancake need?

Randall, thanks to you, we're right as rainbows,

and Pancake is so happy you moved his diamond home.

He has a special surprise for you.

Calm down, Randall. You're an adult.

Hi, Randall.

Hi, Pancake!

You've been so wonderful.

l'm making you an honorary Buffalo Buddy.

l've always wanted to be a Buffalo Buddy.

l could never collect enough box tops

because my mom always said, ''Your cereal is too sugary.''

Meanwhile, she was packing away the doughnuts

like they were going out of style.

Now, Randall.

l know. Angry voice. l'm sorry.

You got a permit for this little party?

Of course l do. lt's in my car.

Hey, hey, hey. l'll ask the questions around here.

l wasn't asking a question, Officer...

Nancy Oken?

My father named me that. His name was Harriet.

You got a problem with that?

No. Not if... You don't?

Just get the permit, sir.

- Proceeding east with suspect. - Roger, Nancy. Phase 2 is a go.

l've got Bindenboudenschlasser chocolate for you!

Did somebody say Bindenboudenschlasser chocolates?

Milk the happy Swiss cows myself.

Wait. Wait.

Pancake, honey, Mommy'll be back in just a sec.

This permit looks good.

You'd be surprised how many people try to get fancy with the Nancy.

Oliver! lt's your mother. Stop messing with my walkie-talkie!

l gotta go.

Sorry about that.

Miss Merriwether?

Pancake? lt's me. Your Buffalo Buddy.

Get over it, you snivelling little dork.

What?

Hey, folks, want to see a genuine Hollywood freak?

Check out the middle-aged loser talking to a puppet.

No, l'm not talking to a puppet. l...

How can you say that? We're Buffalo Buddies.

Yeah, and it's a big deal.

When you're three!

Grow up, or do you want to spend the rest of your life

living with your doughnut-scarfing mother?

That's enough, Miss Merriwether. That's enough!

No, this is enough.

That's it. l'm giving Hannah Montana her spot back.

Yes!

You've just bought yourself a one-way ticket to loogie land.

Kommen Sie back.

No, those are not real Bindenboudenschlasser chocolates!

Yeah, they are.

Miss Merriwether?

Pancake?

Guys.

Sorry.

But these things are so good.

Great. Even my friends splat on my diamond.

l wish l wouldn't have even gotten this stupid thing.

Mommy! Mommy! lt's Hannah Montana's diamond.

Take my picture.

Looks like she thinks it's pretty cool.

You know, if your fans don't care where your diamond is...

Then l shouldn't either?

l guess that is what it really is all about.

Pretty much.

l cannot believe how nuts l went trying to get my spot back.

That's it. Set her down easy, right on top of old Pancake Buffalo.

Hey, look at that. A gift from above.

l'll be right back.

l gotta go leave a little something for Pancake.

Hey, where do you think you're going, buddy?

Well, l gotta...

No, you don't!

Yes, l do.

Then try the gas station four blocks down.

Looks like you could use the exercise.

What am l doing? You're a puppet.

Yeah. Yeah, a puppet that's about to knock you silly.

Yeah. Yeah. Be scared.

Anybody else want a piece of me? How about you, grandma? Yeah. Yeah.