Original subtitles

Why aren't there any eggs on my fork?

Grow up. You got two hands,

make your own breakfast.

Why are you so cranky?

Because nobody made my breakfast.

But, it's Saturday.

Daddy always makes my eggs.

I hope he's not sick.

Hey, Daddy, are-are you feeling okay?

I'm fine.

Well, then get to cooking, good-looking.

My eggs ain't gonna scramble themselves.

No, they're not.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I got some jogging to do.

I'd hate to be your scratching post,

Mr. Sour Puss N' Boots.

What's the matter?

Your blow-dryer's on the fritz?

Oh, no. I know what it is, Daddy.

You had a dream that I was the only child and

you woke up to that.

No, sadly, I woke up to both of you.

Wow. He really is upset.

What did you do? Me?

Yes, you! Stop that!

Hey, where are my eggs?

Oh, right.

Enjoy.

Oh, Miles, that's what I love about you.

You're not just pretty.

You're pretty and funny.

Thanks, Jackson.

You know,

maybe I will make you some eggs.

Oh wait,

that would make me pretty,

funny and stupid.

Well, you left out selfish,

which now that I think about it,

is probably why Dad's in such a bad mood.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the way you acted last night

before you went to your stupid party. Remember?

You are gorgeous.

The only problem with being me

is that everybody else gets to look at me all the time,

and I only get glimpses.

Excuse me, sister dear.

What?

Could I just use a small corner of the mirror?

I-I'd like to try to look good,

so that way I don't offend you.

Try putting a paper bag over your head,

Ug-face.

Did you miss me?

I missed you. Yes,

I did. You're so pretty.

Miley Stewart,

if you'd stop worshipping your reflection you might just realize

that other people live in this house besides you

and that big,

fat head of yours.

You mean big, fat,

gorgeous head.

Okay, so, um,

which one of you bozos are driving this teen pop sensation

to another glamorous Hollywood party that

I'm too shallow to realize is totally pointless?

So you're really going out?

Tonight?

No,

I put this outfit on to stare at you eating that cupcake.

Hello,

somebody turn the lights on in there.

Father,

even though it will make me late for my date,

I'll be happy to drive her.

You do so much,

it would be a privilege to ease your burden in any way that I can.

Jackson, you are an angel sent from heaven above.

Please, let me share my cupcake with you.

Oh, perhaps just a nibble. Mm.

If you two "ladies" are done with your little wimp-fest,

people are waiting to drool over me.

Come on. Let's go, chop-chop.

Unbelievable!

I know, Dad.

I know.

Okay, that is so not what happened.

You are the one who acted like a jerk before

you went on your stupid date last night.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the way it really happened.

Remember?

Why did I ever agree to attend this frivolous affair?

I mean after all, Father,

the most valuable thing we have is time.

Perhaps I should spend mine bettering myself through study.

So young, so wise.

You are my favorite child.

Out of the way, fish face.

Whoa, is that Brad Pitt?

No, wait, it's me: Stewart.

Jackson Stewart.

Double-Oh-My: License to thrill.

So, you're really going out? Tonight?

No,

I got all handsomed up to watch TV with you until you doze off

and drown out the Hee Haw reruns with your nose whistle.

Oh, Jackson.

Please don't make fun of our father like that,

for someday he will be gone

and we will miss him terribly.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Don't worry, Father.

I'll always love you enough for the both us.

Miley, you are an angel sent from heaven above.

Unlike your brother who comes from the opposite direction.

Now, son,

- I want you to take your sister - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I'm sick of driving her everywhere.

You do it.

It'll fill that empty void you call your life.

Please, drive me just this once?

You don't even have to stop.

Just slow down, and I'll tuck and roll.

Fine!

Unbelievable!

I know, Daddy. I know.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

And that is obviously why Dad is in such a bad mood.

Wow.

"Miley World" sounds fun!

How do you get to school, on a unicorn?

Fine.

We'll just wait for Dad to get back from his jog,

and we'll ask him.

Yeah, we will.

And then we'll find out that I'm the one that has the perfect memory.

Oh, really?

Do you remember when you put in that waffle?

D'oh!

I paid for half of those.

See, this is why you don't get dates:

I'm a girl, be nice.

And this is why you don't get dates:

You eat like a pig.

- You take that back! - Hmm.

- And you take this back. - Ew!

Fine.

Look,

your half,

my half.

Fine. Fine.

Oh, hey, Mr. Stewart. What's up?

Never have kids.

They'll only break your heart.

Now I know why he doesn't get dates.

Yeah, my mom went there once.

Never going back.

Wait! Don't eat that chip!

Why? It was on my side.

No-no-no, look!

It's a barbecue flavored Darth Vader!

This is incredible.

Dudes! Dudes!

This is cooler than when my alphabet soup spelled "yixagriple-dink."

I'll give you five bucks for it.

I'll give you six.

Seven.

Cha-ching.

Okay,

Dad is coming back from his jog.

Get ready to eat your words! That's right,

buddy boy in five seconds, Dad is going to tell you...

Me. And you can take that to the bank.

Go ahead, apologize.

Me?

You apologize.

Fine.

Daddy,

I'm sorry...

that Jackson was such a jerk about driving me last night!

And I'm sorry that your daughter is a mirror hogging,

ride mooching,

bottomless pit of "me-me-me-me-me-me-me--"

"Me-me-me-me-me-me-me."

This isn't about mirrors or rides.

You know what,

I shouldn't have to explain it to either one of you.

Figure it out for yourselves.

Then what really did happen last night?

Hold on!

If it wasn't how you acted...

And it's not how you acted...

And he ain't gonna tell us anything.

Well, then what was it?

The mail!

I bet it was your report card.

I bet it was your phone bill.

It was not my...

Well, it's possible.

It's just nothing but a bunch of birthday cards.

For Dad.

On his fortieth.

Which was yesterday.

I can't believe you forgot! Me?

Yes, you!

Stop that!

Okay, so we forgot his birthday.

We're probably not the only ones.

Mamaw, Uncle Earl and Aunt Pearl,

Roxy, Aunt Dolly,

even Bucky's Barbecue sent him a coupon for a free mud pie.

He's forty now, he doesn't need that.

Jackson, this is serious.

We forgot one of the biggest birthdays of his life.

Now all we can do is apologize.

Nothing we can do?

Miley, Miley, Miley. Have I taught you nothing?

Now close your eyes, find your center,

and try to put yourself into my brain.

Ew! Oh!

Now you see what I see.

This is perfect.

We plan a surprise party

and make Dad think we never forgot.

Wow,

that's way better than my idea of stealing his coin jar

and running away to Mexico.

Miley, you need to get down here,

or you're gonna be late for the big CD signing.

You know,

maybe forty minutes late.

The big four-oh.

Nothing.

Hey. I got the decorations.

Great. The cake will be here in an hour.

Let me see.

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY

Well they were all out of "Happy Fortieth's,"

so I got four "five's" and two "ten's."

Hey,

adding is good for old people.

It keeps the mind agile.

Coming! Oh,

here's Dad's PDA.

Try to get as many of his friends to come as you can.

Leave it all to me.

Sadly, I have no choice.

Hey, Mr. Adams. It's Jackson.

We're throwing a surprise party for Dad.

Tonight.

No,

we didn't forget.

Tonight.

No, we didn't forget.

Okay, so we forgot!

Your Christmas lights are still up.

Who are you to judge?

So, are you coming?

Hello? Hello?

Look, I don't care if your wife is in labor.

Just tell her to pop that sucker out and get over here! Hello?

I got fifty, fifty,

who'll take Darth home for sixty?

Sixty dollars for this one of a kind,

deep-fried, sci-fi icon.

Who'll give us seventy? Seventy?

I'll give you a hundred.

Whoa,

I think the chip's alive.

I was on my way to scuba lessons when

I heard the sound of money being made without me.

Un-a-cceptable.

Yo. Back off,

Rico. Okay? This has nothing to do with you.

Where'd you get the chip?

In a bag we bought from the shack.

Yeah.

Do you have the receipt?

I keep every receipt.

My dad's an accountant.

An accountant.

Well the "accountant"

probably should have taught you how to read the fine print.

Read it and weep.

All food items resembling real or fictional characters

and/or historical landmarks are the exclusive property of Rico Industries,

a subsidiary of Mwah Ha Ha International.

Hand it over.

Or, we could run.

Yeah, I like that idea.

Okay. There you go.

Sorry the line was so long.

Hey. Huh.

"Lose Forty Pounds in Forty Days."

And it's forty percent off.

You think I should buy it for somebody?

You know, as a present?

Nothing.

There you go.

Hey!

I just got to make a quick phone call.

Hey, Jackson.

How're we doing?

I need more time.

Stall him.

- How am I going to - Just do it!

But--

I said do it, diva!

Hi. What's your name, sweetie?

Ed.

Really?

What a great name.

How do you spell that?

E-D.

Interesting.

Is that short for something like Edward,

or Edwin,

- Eduardo? - It's just Ed.

Would you sign it, please?

- We've been waiting for hours. - Okay.

You and me both, sister.

"Dear Ed,

life's what you make it,

so let's make it rock.

Life's what you make it,

so come on... "

Come on.

"Come on..."

Come on.

"Come on..."

Come on!

Okay. "Love, Hannah Montana."

Hey, Dad! Uh,

can you get my purse?

I-I left it in the back seat of the car!

Sure. What's another forty seconds of my useless life.

Okay.

Jackson!

I-I'm on the front porch.

Dad's going to be here any minute.

Are you doing okay?

When you say "okay" --

Oh, boy.

Hi.

Why am I staring at a bunch of total strangers?

They're not "total" strangers. Uh,

this is Jerry the mailman. Uh,

Georgie, the gas meter checker lady gal. Um,

Louie delivered the cake

and Frank's from the balloon store.

Thanks for inviting me.

Twenty years of blowing up balloons.

Okay.

And who are they?

Oh. Uh, I found them at the beach.

They call themselves,

"The Aristocrats." Hit it, kids!

This is the best you could do?

As soon as Dad sees this, he's gonna--

Surprise!

Look like that.

Happy birthday, Bobby!

It's, "Robby."

Happy birthday, Robby!

Didn't see that one coming. Did you, Daddy?

And you thought we forgot.

Thanks for coming, everybody!

Thanks.

You all are fantastic!

You rock, Robby Ray!

Next year, forty-one!

You're all invited! Don't forget!

Wow, what a party.

Good times,

- good times. - Yeah.

Happy birthday, big guy!

Hold it, you two.

Okay.

We forgot your birthday.

And when we tried to get people,

it was all "I'm out of town,"

or "I'm in jail,"

or "I'm giving birth."

We're sorry, Daddy.

We're selfish,

horrible kids who don't deserve a dad as wonderful as you.

Let's not oversell it.

No, she's right,

I am a wonderful dad.

And when you forgot my birthday,

well,

it just kind of made me feel like you didn't appreciate me.

But we do appreciate you, Daddy.

You got to believe that.

Actually,

after the party y'all put together this evening,

I do believe you.

Because it takes a lot of effort to put together a train wreck like this.

We really do love you, Dad.

I know.

Maybe next year, you could just love me on time.

Oh, come on. I'm a man. Men don't hug.

Stewart men do.

Yeah, we do.

So, what'd you guys get me?

Free mud pie from Bucky's Barbecue!

It's from both of us.

Hey.