Original subtitles

And, as the male bear says hello to the female bear,

another mating season begins in the Alaskan wilderness.

Okay, inappropriate!

l'll be right back, Beary-boo.

Don't slouch.

Could you please not be such a girl?

Wasp! Big wasp!

Take that, wasp! Not in my house!

Where's Beary?

come on!

You monster!

lt was an accident!

Easy for you to say when you whacked the only witness.

This was cold-blooded bearicide.

Come on, Miles. He's just a stuffed animal.

l'd cover his ears, but they're gone.

All right. Fine. l will buy you a new one.

How? This is not just a stuffed animal, it's a part of my childhood.

The move from the crib to the big girl's bed,

the measles, the mumps, the potty-training,

he was there through it all.

We were all there for the potty-training. ''Look what l did, look what l did!''

That was an important moment for me.

Stupid directions.

lt's just a bookshelf, not the dang space shuttle.

You kids know anybody who speaks Portuguese, Dutch or...

ls this Hebrew or Chinese?

Daddy! Look what Jackson did to Beary.

lt was an accident. There was a wasp.

-Where? -See?

Daddy!

l'm sorry, honey, but you know l'm allergic.

And those little buggers are just drawn to my Brazil nut conditioner.

Dad, can you forget about your hair for, like, 1 0 seconds

and help me here?

Oh, no. l don't know if this is your stomach or your butt.

Hey, l'm sorry, darling, but you're in high school now.

Don't you think you're a little too old

to be waiting this long for your brother to apologise? Do it, boy!

Miles, l'm sorry about your bear.

May he rest in pieces.

Come on, he's a toy!

He was also my friend.

And he will be avenged! Avenged, l tell you.

Get ready for the only thing worse than Jackson, his room.

-Are you sure this is safe? -Absolutely!

lf you're a sewer rat.

What are you doing?

l want to say goodbye to my mom, just in case.

Suck it up!

We gotta find something Jackson really loves.

Anything worth loving would die in here.

That is not funny.

Hey. What about this?

Oh, no. lt's not good enough.

When Jackson sees that it's gone, it has to hit him right in the gut.

Like when l lost Beary Bear.

Let it out. Let it out.

lt's not that. There's a stench over here that's making my eyes water.

Who puts raisins on pizza?

And why are they moving?

Get it!

Miley, we gotta hurry. Jackson could walk in anytime.

lt's all right. l got Oliver on Jackson duty.

Speaking of Jackson doodie...

Oh, no, it's okay. lt's just chocolate pudding.

-Favourite fruit? -An apple.

-Second favourite fruit? -A pear.

Third favourite fruit, and remember, you've already used apple and pear.

This is the dumbest survey l've ever heard. l'm going home.

No, you can't. This is for half of my grade.

ln what class?

Sociologicology.

Favourite word?

Wait a minute. l know this one. Goodbye!

No. l still have to test your reflex skills.Catch me.

Dude, l'm trying to get away from you. Why would l want to catch you?

Because... Because l just did this.

Those are excellent reflexes!

What's Rico doing in Jackson's room?

Something Jackson loves. Something Jackson loves.

Never gonna happen, my friend.

-Hey. What about this? -Careful!

That is Jackson's autographed Joey vitolo baseball.

lf anything happened to that, he'd freak.

Hello.

Yeah? What?

Oliver says Jackson's on his way home.

How much time do we have?

Stupid, weird kid.

Not much.

-You do not want to go in there! -We've got no choice.

No!

Towel, towel...

lt's a good thing l straightened up.

l cannot wait to see the look on Jackson's face

when he sees the shredded remains of his stupid little ball.

''My ball. My precious little autographed baseball.''

-Still dizzy from Jackson fumes? -A little bit.

Hey, what's your dad doing out there?

l don't know. Building a bookshelf or something.

That is so cool he knows how to do stuff like that.

Dang niblets! Sweet flabbit!

A ''glungshtacken'' does not fit into a ''flogenhagen''!

Hello, ladies.

-Hi, Dad. -Hey, Mr Stewart.

Having fun?

You betcha! Just doing what men do. You know, building stuff and loving it.

Have you, by any chance, seen the first aid kit?

-Upstairs closet. -Thanks.

Okay, vitolo. You are about to go from a great player

to a grated player.

Miley, are you sure you wanna do this?

l mean, the whole Beary Bear thing was an accident.

You're right. l'll make it ''look'' like an accident.

l am in the mood for some grated cheese.

And here's something that looks like a fancy gourmet cheese ball.

Come on, do it! Do it, you manicured little wimp.

Come on! What's the matter with me? Why can't l do it?

Face it, you're just not that kind of person.

You're right. Why do l always have to be so good?

l can't even look at this any more. You take it.

No!

-Now that's what l call an accident. -You're right.

lt is almost like it was meant to be.

l have a destroyed bear, and now he's got a destroyed ball.

Once again, the universe is in balance.

-Hey, Miles. l got your bear fixed. -What?

Yeah, well, l was thinking, if you wrecked something of mine,

even by accident, l'd be pretty mad, too.

So, there you go. Hope this lets me off the hook.

-You are most definitely off the hook. -Cool.

And l am so on it.

And l didn't think l could do it. And l was so right.

Okay, look. lt may not be perfect,

but, you know, in a certain kind of light,

if you tilt your head and close your right eye,

then close your left eye...

Yeah, that works!

You guys, what's the big deal? lt's just a signed baseball.

Go to a collectors shop and get a new one.

What is it, a Babe Ruth or a Willie Mays?

No. lt's just some guy named Joey vitolo.

This was a Joey vitolo? What kind of an animal are you?

l'm not liking where this is going.

He's the only guy in history to hit five home runs at his first five at-bats.

Then how come l never heard of him?

Because on his last home run, he did a cartwheel to celebrate,

tore up his shoulder and never played again.

Now he owns some pasta place in Pasadena.

A pasta place in Pasadena, that's perfect.

lf you're thinking about getting his autograph, good luck.

Since the cartwheel ended his career, he won't sign anything.

Last year, l tried to get his autograph on a napkin...

He blew his nose into it.

ls that the thing you have framed in your room?

And someday, it'll be worth a fortune.

No offence, Oliver, but you're a guy.

Trust me, when a sweet innocent girl like me asks,

he has got to say yes.

No.

But my brother's ball is ruined.

Well, in that case, no.

Now, you're gonna order some ravioli or beat it.

-But she was just... -Bye.

-But you don't... -Bye-bye.

-All l need... -Bye, bye, bye.

Come on, Joey. Don't you care about your fans?

Once again, no.

l gave them the best eight-and-a-third innings of my life,

and you know what l get?

-l'm the punch line on cable sports. -lt's true.

When a player does a face plant, they call it a vitolo.

lt's terrible.

You know what? As far as l'm concerned,

that part of my life is over, all right?

The only things l really care about is linguini, lasagna...

-Daddy. -And my little girl. Hello, sweetheart.

-Hi, sweetie. What's your name? -Angela.

Angela! What a beautiful name.

How about you get your daddy to sign this ball?

How about you order some ravioli or beat it?

That's my girl!

Yeah, adorable.

Hey, Miley, check out the shirt.

Yeah, l think we have a little Hannah Montana fan here.

She rules.

-Really? -Totally. Okay, ready?

She's got the limo out front

Hottest styles, every shoe every colour

Yeah, when she...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it.

Hey, you don't have to listen to it 50 times a day.

-Wanna bet? -Wanna bet?

Hey, sweetie,

if l could bring Hannah Montana down here to meet you,

could you get your daddy to sign this baseball?

-You know Hannah Montana? -Losing feeling, losing feeling.

Nice try, kid.

But l don't care who you bring in here, because l'm not signing anything.

Losing feeling, losing feeling.

He'll sign.

Oh, hey, Dad. How's that bookshelf going?

lt's really cooking now.

-Want a weenie? -l'll pass.

You sure? lt's flogenhagen-flavoured.

A little used.

A lot of used.

There's my pudding.

My ball. My Joey vitolo!

Miley.

l will be avenged. Yes! l will be avenged.

l don't remember raisins in that.

Not again.

And there you go.

Okay, l've signed every visible part of your daughter's body.

Now, will you please just sign my friend's ball?

Sure. No problem. Right after the show.

What show, Joe?

Hit it, Paulie.

No way.

This was not part of our deal.

You do a few numbers, you tell them to try the veal and you're out of here.

This isn't fair.

You promised my friend you would sign their ball

if l met your daughter!

When you're right, you're right. Not a problem.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

This just says ''Joey.''

lf you want the ''vitolo'' part,

you're gonna have to get your old blue jeans up there

and make some noise.

''Old blue jeans,'' ''make some noise.'' You get it?

Fine.

But you are setting a terrible example for your daughter.

l can live with that.

-Why are there two microphones? -lt's funny you should ask that.

There.

Don't upstage me, kid. lt's my restaurant.

Fine. But l ain't pushing the veal.

l thought you were gonna say that.

Oh, yeah! Try the veal!

You will tell me what l want to know.

The choice is whether you will tell me before the pain or after!

Now, where is the ball?

What ball?

The Joey vitolo my dad gave me for my 1 3th birthday! That ball.

-l don't know what you're talking about. -Fine.

Perhaps a trip to the closet will jog your memory.

You'll never get me to squeal.

You're right. You are strong. But he is weak!

Oliver, don't let him break you!

lt's okay. lt's just a closet. What is that?

No, no, no. Help me.

She's at vitolo's.

Thank you!

And now, a special Vitolo treat,

almost as sweet as the cannolis.

The musical stylings of Montana and Vitolo.

Vitolo and Montana.

Hannah, what are you doing?

What does it look like l'm doing? l'm trying your daddy's veal.

Hey, what are you doing? You're embarrassing me.

You better pull yourself together for the second show.

Washed-up ballplayer say what?

l got an agent and a record producer coming, all right?

You want that ball, you better make me look good, all right?

A Justin Timberlake mask couldn't make you look good.

-Do you know who l am? -Yeah.

You're the guy l used to look up to.

Now you're just some jerk who's taking advantage of my friend.

Come on, let's go.

But l ruined your ball.

l know. And l know it was an accident.

And it's okay, l'm letting you off the hook.

Jackson, hold on. Wait.

l don't understand.

l didn't let you off the hook. l wanted you to suffer.

l saw that last number. l think we've both suffered enough.

-So you don't want your ball any more? -Nah.

No autograph is worth this.

Thanks.

Hold on! l forgot something.

Hey!

-Hey, Joey. -Yeah.

-Ready for the big finale? -What finale?

Yours.

One meatball to go!

Right in the cannolis.

You know, it was awful nice of you to forgive Mr vitolo.

Well, after he finally signed the baseball and he apologised,

l figured it was time for me to let him off the hook.

Now, if you'll excuse me. l promised Joey one last song.

Hit it, Paulie!

That's weird. Joey's signature is different this time.

On the ball you gave me, the ''Y'' was all curly, you know,

kind of like the way you do yours.

Hey.

You know if l could dance like that, l'd give myself a 1 0.