Original subtitles

Hey,

great things are happening here at the United

People's Relief Telethon thanks to you

and to our amazing volunteers.

Look who we have with us this hour!

Teen pop sensations,

Hannah Montana

And Mikayla.

I wish you could feel the love in this room.

I still hate you.

Hate makes you ugly. Oops, too late.

Well, let's see how we're doing!

That is so generous.

I have a pledge for three-hundred dollars, Colin!

Outstanding!

I just got four-hundred!

And I've got tears in my eyes!

We'll be right back, but you keep calling.

Hey, what's up?

It's Hannah Montana!

What would you like to give?

I'd like to give you singing lessons,

just heard your new single. Ouch!

Well,

I just heard yours and I thought it was fantastic!

Really?

Yeah,

my brother ate some bad catfish

so we played it for him to induce vomiting.

It was like-Bam-insta-puke!

Has-been!

Never was!

Bottle blonde.

I hate you.

Like I care.

We're back in three, two...

I'll tell you what I'd like to stuff,

my knuckles up her nose!

Miles, don't let her push your buttons.

She's not worth it.

You're right.

My life is complicated enough.

The last thing I need is more drama.

Hey, Miley.

Hello, Drama.

Jake,

what a surprise.

Wow.

Awkward!

Anyhoo, why don't we,

um... Uh... Um...

Go inside?

That could work.

Come in. Let's talk.

Oh, man,

he wants to get back together with me.

Don't you dare leave me alone with him!

Why would I leave my little sister when she

and her ex are gonna talk about "relationships"

and "feelings"

and blabadee-blabadee-blech!

You two kids have fun.

Hi.

You look great.

Oh, boy.

- Listen, Miley, I, uh - I know. I know.

You haven't been able to forget about me,

your life feels empty without me,

you see my face everywhere you look

and you've come back to say...

I just want to be friends.

Big, blonde, sack of drama, say what?

You know,

I-I've been thinking about it

and just because things didn't work out

between us doesn't mean we can't still be in each other's lives.

So, you're not into me at all?

Not even a little bit? I mean,

come on,

it's only been a couple of months.

What are you, made of stone?

Miley,

- if-if this is too hard for you I can-I - Me?

Oh. Are you kidding?

I was worried about you. I mean,

this is so great.

I-I would love to be friends.

Oh, yeah. This is-This is great.

Great? It's perfect.

Whoa!

Looks like somebody got up on the wrong side

of the hamster wheel this morning.

The water's out at my house

and I haven't showered in two days.

So? We're guys.

We're not supposed to shower every day.

That's what magazine cologne samples are for.

Or car air fresheners.

You put a couple of these in your pockets

and you're good for four to six weeks.

Oh, like you've never done it.

Here, dude, try this.

Ew! What kind of cologne is this?

It's not. I spilled pickle juice on it an hour ago.

You just got poned.

Poned!

Yeah!

You think this is funny?

Yeah. Hence the laughter.

Dude, get over it.

It's only two days.

I wish.

The plumber said our water's going to be out for at least a week.

What am I gonna do?

Grow up and release your inner man stink.

Easy for you to say.

I'll bet you guys free hotdogs for a month

that you guys can't go without showering

or changing your clothes until they turn my water back on.

F-Free hot dogs?

Oh, dude, you are so on!

It's going to be like taking candy from a stanky baby.

Now, wait. Wait.

If we lose, what do you get?

The satisfaction of looking at you guys

and saying "mwah-ha-ha-ha!"

Oh,

did I mention I haven't brushed my teeth either?

Yeah, we kind of figured that out.

I think I got some in my mouth.

Oh, gross. Oh, gross.

And we're back on Wake Up, It's Wendy.

With former zombie slayer

and current teen screen sensation,

Jake Ryan.

That's right.

Isn't he just yummy?

Isn't he, isn't he? He is.

So, Jake, you're back in town.

You're here to shoot a couple of scenes from your new movie,

Roger Bucks: Intergalactic Bounty Hunter. Ooh!

You better set your phasers on "fun!"

Tell us all about it. Right?

Tell us.

Tell us!

- Tell us. Tell us. - Okay.

All right. Well-Well, first,

I'm really glad to have a few days in LA before we go

to Antarctica to do the rest of the movie.

Sure. Oh.

You know, it gives me a chance to spend time

with some really good friends.

- Aw. - You hear that?

Great friends.

That's me.

There is no way you and Heartbreak Jake can be friends.

Yes, we can.

You know what?

I think being friends is the best thing that's ever happened to us.

I mean,

we can finally hang out without any of that relationship junk.

It's so simple.

No more insecurity or anger or jealousy.

Uh-huh.

And I'm so excited to introduce the intergalactic

alien babe that I'll be kissing for the next eight weeks.

Put your hands together for my beautiful co-star,

Mikayla!

What?

Well, that's our show for today.

We're gonna see you tomorrow when your alarm clocks will ring and say...

"Wake up, it's Wendy!"

Buh-bye.

And we're out.

- Thank you so much for having us. - Oh, you're welcome.

You're very welcome!

Yes, you are! Oh, yes, you are!

Wendy, you-you don't have to yell,

we're right here.

Oh, I know!

It takes me twenty minutes after every show to stop talking like this!

It does, it really does! It really does!

Hey. So, what did you think?

You were great.

That big announcement,

boy was that...

great and-and big.

Didn't see that one coming.

Yeah, I thought about asking, you know,

"Hannah Montana" to play my love interest, but

I didn't want to do anything that might risk the new friendship.

Little late for that, buddy boy.

So, you went with Mikayla instead of asking me,

because you didn't want to risk our new friendship?

Exactly. I mean,

you know how awkward would that be?

The alien babe and I kiss from one end of the universe

to the other. I mean,

it's like every single scene is kiss,

kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss--

I got it!

Miley, you're-you're--I mean, you're not jealous, are you?

Are you kidding?

I'm happy for you! Friend.

Pal.

Amigo!

Ow. Ow.

You get any happier you're gonna break my arm.

Hey, Jake. And I know who you are.

You do?

Of course. You're Jake's ex-girlfriend.

Right.

'Cause we've never met or anything.

Or worked together or anything.

Lilly!

Well, you haven't.

Excuse me, Mr. Ryan. Um,

there's a couple of guys from the crew

who were wondering if they could get a picture with you.

Well, I'm not gonna say "no" to that.

I just want you to know how amazing I think you are.

Really?

Of course.

I could never watch my ex-boyfriend macking

on another girl and stay friends with him.

Well, it's true,

I am amazing.

And it's just a movie, right?

Oh, I sure hope not! I mean, come on,

he's beyond cute.

I can't believe you dumped him.

Yep. She's just a little dumpster.

So, you're really into him?

Are you kidding?

I'm already working on our celebrity couple names.

Right now, it's between "Jakayla" and "Mikake."

Too bad you're not old enough for,

uh, Donald Trump.

You could be "Old MikDonald."

Hey, you're funny! Man,

it's too bad you're not famous,

too. We could've been such good friends!

No!

It had to be Mikayla?

Relax, so what if she's into him.

He may not even like her.

Are you kidding?

Two months in Antarctica.

You're cold.

You're lonely.

And your snuggle options are between a penguin and her.

Do the math!

So, go warn him.

I can't.

If I tell him that I hate Mikayla,

he'll just think it's because I'm jealous.

But you do hate her and you are jealous.

- I am not jealous! - Oh!

I'm his friend.

And as his friend,

it's my job to get Mikayla fired off that set before

they start sharing mukluks is Antarctica.

Please tell me your plan doesn't involve me.

Oh boy!

Come on.

Here's your lunch, boy.

Come on, Dad, this is stupid.

Can't I come back in the house now?

No way.

You smell worse than that week old sardine Uncle Earl found

in his fat fold when he was looking for the remote.

Oh, come on.

It's just a little man funk!

What are you afraid of?

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, thanks for coming by.

No problem.

We just wanted to wish you luck on your first day of filming,

'cause, you know,

that is what friends do.

They're there for each other,

they support each other--

So, where's Mikayla?

Uh, in makeup. Why?

Oh, we just wanted to wish her luck.

It's not like we're here to get her fired or anything.

That's-That's crazy talk 'cause--

Well, good luck. Break a leg. Got to go. Bye.

You stink under pressure.

Then stop putting me under pressure!

Listen, you flunky,

Mikayla demanded extra cashews in her trail mix.

And if there isn't a boatload of curvy nuts in her dressing room pronto,

you're gonna be looking for a new alien babe,

okay?

I don't like cashews.

I know, but I do.

Mikayla, hi.

Oh, great. Little fans.

Security!

I thought this was a closed set!

Uh, it's okay, Margot.

These are Jake's friends.

Oh, hi! It's so nice to meet you!

Oh. What?

Listen, mister,

we had a contract and it is legally binding.

If I get home and your bedroom is not clean,

you can forget about allowance.

Okay, bye-bye.

So, guys.

What do you think of my costume?

Don't I look fabulous? Ooh,

and check this out.

Kiss me, Roger Bucks.

As if the fate of the galaxy depends on it.

Because it does.

That is so cool.

You know who would like that? Johnny Depp.

Yeah and he's right outside.

What?

Yeah.

We were just talking to him

and he said he really wanted to meet you.

He did?

He did!

He did?

He did!

Come on, let's go!

Say hi to Johnny for me.

Johnny?

Wait, he's not out here.

Huh. Too bad.

See you, sucker.

Phase one complete.

Commencing phase two.

Hey, consider yourselves lucky,

at least you can run away from it.

That's close enough!

Hey! You showered!

You're clean!

We won! Yeah! Yeah, baby!

Whoo! No!

Congratulations!

Have a hotdog.

Ah, the first of many.

So, Rico, when did your water go back on?

It was never off.

What?

And now, thanks to your man stink,

I'm the only sweet smelling guy within miles of this place.

And you're happy about that because...

Excuse me;

I'm looking for the photo shoot?

Oh, the one for the swimsuit calendar?

Let me walk you over.

Oh, girls, it's this way.

Thanks.

You are so cute.

Oh, you set us up.

It was like taking candy from two stanky babies.

Shall we?

Hey, ladies.

Come back.

I'm a Taurus.

Oliver.

I like--Very good to meet you.

Are you sure this is going to work?

It will.

As soon as I'm done being Mikayla,

she's gonna be Mik-fired.

Ooh, so evil.

It's like you really are Mikayla.

Thank you.

Oh, wow, Mikayla, you look great.

That makes one of us.

What?

And I have to kiss you. Well,

I guess that's why they call it "acting."

Look, I know you're nervous,

but it would really help me if you'd stop slamming me.

And it would really help me if you were better looking.

Okay, seriously --

Okay, kids, now in this scene,

you have just discovered Lord Zordac's cloning chamber.

Okay?

It's tense, it's romantic,

and I know they're not real,

but these little bug-eyed things are kind of giving me the heebie-jeebies.

Okay,

let's shoot this sucker and get out of here.

Okay?

And...action.

We've got two minutes to destroy these clones.

But don't worry,

Roger Bucks has a plan.

I hope it includes an acting coach.

That was pitiful.

Cut! What?

And...action.

We may never get out of here,

so let me say this now and say it quick.

I don't care if your mother was a rainbow trout--

Hold that thought. Oh,

I got to take this.

-No, I'm not busy. What's going on, girl? - Cut!

Okay, quick!

Throw me the flumium crystals.

You got two hands. Get them yourself.

What?

Cut!

What is wrong with you?

Those aren't the lines!

They're better than the garbage in this script.

Who wrote this,

a monkey with a computer?

I wrote it.

Yeah, we would've been better off with the monkey.

Mikayla, sweetheart.

What are you doing?

I told you,

you couldn't act like a jerk until your second movie.

Then what's your excuse?

Oh yeah.

I went there.

Mikayla.

Listen,

pop star,

one more of your little diva moves

and you're going to be off this movie.

Good to know.

Hey.

What are you-What are you doing?

Hey! Turn it off!

Turn it up? Okay.

No! Oh, off!

I want her fired!

Took you long enough.

What?

Get your hands off me!

I'm the star of this movie!

No. No. No. No.

Don't listen to her!

She's a...a real alien!

- I told you I'm bad at this. - What?

Mikayla?

Yeah.

Miley?

Oh, sweet niblets.

Mile,

you must have known Jake was gonna find out sooner or later.

What in the world were you thinking?

That Mikayla would get fired,

no one would believe her story,

and Jake would spend two months snuggling with

a penguin in Antarctica.

I had to ask.

Dad, I'm sorry.

Hey, I appreciate that, but you know

I'm not the one you need to apologize to.

Sure, now he leaves me alone with a boy.

I cannot believe what you did!

I guess I kind of

- ruined the friendship thing, huh? - Oh,

well you sure didn't do it a whole lot of good!

Miley, if you were jealous,

why didn't you just say something?

- I was not jealous - Oh, Miley!

Okay, fine I was.

Man, I mean,

you don't want to be a couple

and-and when I try to be friends,

you almost wreck my movie.

What am I gonna do with you?

I don't know!

Maybe we should just forget about each other.

maybe we should!

- Fine! - Fine!

Okay, this isn't working for me.

Me, neither.

Look, last time,

you were the one with some growing up to do and

now it's my turn.

But if I promise not to wreck another movie,

can we try to be friends again?

I'd like that.

Me too.

This isn't helping the friendship thing.

Oh. Couldn't agree more.

Great work today, sweetie.

- Seriously, changed my life. - Oh, thank you.

Mikayla.

Security!

No, no, no.

We're here to apologize.

I was jealous and stupid and I'm sorry.

And I'm just a sidekick who needs to learn how to say "no."

Wait a second.

Truth is,

if I still liked a guy,

I would've done the same thing.

Really?

Well, I would've done it a little better,

but I appreciate the attempt.

That was surprisingly nice of you.

You know what?

I don't care if you're not famous.

I'm gonna let you be my friend.

- Cool. Oh, sorry, not you. - Ouch.

Really, uh, Mikayla, you don't have to--

Oh my goodness, this is going to be so much fun!

We can do all of my favorite things: shop,

get our nails done,

and talk about how much I hate Hannah Montana!

Let's start now!

Yay! Help!