Original subtitles

As if I didn't feel bad enough already.

Stewart! I'm sick of your leaves in my pool.

And I'm sick of your face in my house.

Whoa, Jethro, since you're not whittling right now

why don't you use your hands and cover your mouth.

Uncle Albert, I want to swim!

What's taking so long? I thought you said the hillbilly was scared of you.

He is.

Look, I've got him trembling.

Come on, I'm only here for the weekend and you said we'd do stuff.

Stop nagging.

I want to do stuff!

Stop nagging!

I want to do stuff!

Stop nagging!

I don't know where she gets it from.

Keep your leaves out of my pool!

Finally, some peace and quiet.

Dad!

It was nice while it lasted.

Dad, why aren't you dressed?

The Stella Fabiani fashion show is tomorrow and you promised you'd

take me and Lilly to the mall, to get shoes, makeup, and manicures.

You did. I remember. I was there.

Yeah, come on, come on, let's boogie!

Not that kind of boogie.

I'm sorry, honey, but I don't think I'm going to be able to take you.

This thing's knocked me flatter than Uncle Earl's

inflatable butt cushion after football season.

Now there's a mental picture I really didn't need.

It's okay, Dad. Feel better. Get well. I'll just make Jackson take me.

No! No! No! No! No way. Uh-uh. It's not going to happen.

Cooper and I are going to a Dodger game today.

And I'm breaking in a new foam finger.

Jackson, Lilly and I have stuff we have to do,

and you go to a baseball game practically every weekend.

This is so unfair.

Every time you can't haul her all over town,

I'm the one who gets stuck doing it.

I miss baseball games, basketball games, parties.

I mean, I have a life of my own and I am sick of you ruining it!

And I'm sick as a dog, so stop complaining.

Take your sister where she needs to go. I'll get you tickets to another game.

Fine. Man.

Now what am I supposed to do with my new foam finger?

Oh, I know, you can use it to wipe away your whiny little tears.

Get over it.

Oh, why do I always look?

Hey, Daddy, how're you feeling?

Sorry, darling, but I just don't think I'm going to be

able to take you to that fashion show this evening.

Aw, that's fine, Daddy.

I'll just make Jackson do

No! No! No! No! You already ruined my Saturday, you can't have my Sunday, too.

Jackson, stop complaining.

If it wasn't for me, you would've been stuck at

that stupid baseball game all day yesterday.

And I heard on the news that one team didn't even have any hits.

They call it a no-hitter!

Exactly. Boring!

Dad, you sound great! You're really getting it out!

And speaking of getting it out, um,

maybe a little fresh air would do you good! Uh, maybe drive Miley to the fashion show?

No.

Oh, c-come on, you're just going to let a little cold beat you?

You're just going to a-abandon your son in his time of need?

Yeah.

California's made you soft, old man!

I can't believe how selfish you're being.

Dad's sick and I need a little help and all you've done is complain.

Oh please. If you were me you would do exactly the same thing.

No, see Jackson, that's where you're wrong.

If I was lucky enough to have a little sister,

I'd change my plans when she needed my help and I

would do it without whining like a little baby.

Okay, see, that's easy to say when you don't actually have a little sister.

Not my fault. I always wanted one.

Yeah, I always wanted a puppy, but they brought you home instead!

Too bad.

Your father gave me his backwoods cold.

Yesterday, I was the picture of health.

Now look at me, I'm withering away to nothing.

Well, on the bright side, maybe you'll see your toes by Christmas.

Listen, junior, I'm stuck with my niece for the weekend,

but now I'm too sick to schlep her around. So,

uh, congratulations, you've won an eight-year-old for the day.

Whoa, I don't think so.

Are you going to grow anymore, or is that it?

Okay, uh, bye-bye.

Stewart, please, please, I'm begging here.

What do you want me to do, get down on my knees?

Look, there is no way that I could put up with this brat for a whole day.

I mean, I've already got one upstairs who

always wanted a little sister.

And you are perfect.

Hey, Miles! I've got a little present for you!

I don't know what you're up to and I don't care.

Have her home by dinner.

If I don't answer the door stick her through the mail slot!

All right, here's five bucks. Just keep your mouth shut for two minutes.

Make it ten and you've got a deal, leprechaun.

What present? What are you talking about?

Aw, who's this? Hi, sweetie, what's your name?

This is Patty. She's Dontzig's niece and, uh, your new little sister for the day.

What?

He's sick, she needs a babysitter,

and you always said you wanted a little sister. Well,

ta-da. You've got two wishes left. If you need me, I'll be in the lamp.

What's wrong with her?

She's…shy.

Oh, that's so cute.

Sorry, sweetheart, I can't, I've already made plans,

which somebody already knew about.

Oh, you've got plans.

Kind of like the ones I had to give up yesterday for you?

That's-That's totally different.

That fashion show is a once in a lifetime chance.

So was the no-hitter! All right?

The truth is you are just too selfish to give up one day of your life for a sweet,

innocent, little girl, the way I always do for you.

That's-That's-That's so not true.

Oh please, you wouldn't last one day with this kid.

Oh yeah?

Doing whatever she wants without a single complaint.

Want to bet?

Yes, I do. Right now.

But you know I've got to go to that fashion show.

Uh, coward. Gutless.

Chicken. Cowardly gutless chicken.

Okay, okay, okay fine!

I'll give up my fashion show.

But, when I win which I will you have to drive me around wherever I want to go,

whenever I want to go, without a single

complaint for the rest of my non-driving life!

And when you don't

which you won't all right? Then I am free. Forever.

Whatever she wants. No complaints.

Deal.

Deal. Three, two, one.

Make me a sandwich or I'll scream.

What?

You set me up.

Oh, oh, do I hear a complaint? Do we already have a winner?

No, no, no, forget it. I'm not caving.

I'm going to get through this afternoon and for dinner

I'm going to watch you eat a big slice of humble pie.

You know what I want to watch?

You, making me my sandwich! Now close your mouth

and open the fridge, I'm not getting any younger!

Okay, listen here, kid, I've only got one thing to tell you

White or wheat?

Hey, Roxy, you don't need to come over; I'm feeling much, much better.

Is that so?

Yes, ma'am. As a matter of fact I was just heading out for a jog.

Then why are you lying on the couch in that ratty old robe?

How did you

You can't lie to Roxy. Roxy knows everything.

I'm omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent.

Look them up, country boy.

Hey, I appreciate what you're trying to do,

but your job's not to take care of me, it's to be a bodyguard for Hannah Montana.

That's just the fever talking.

You know, we're just like family.

Now, just let your aunt Roxy take care of those nasty, nasty germs.

But what if you get sick?

Ha! Roxy ain't afraid of no germs, germs are afraid of Roxy.

Now, the first thing we're going to do is get you in the shower, steam

those suckers out and open up those pores! Plus, you are a little ripe.

That would be the smell of fear.

Besides, I-I can't even make it up those stairs.

Now, that's where sixty-hours of firefighting training comes in handy.

Now just relax and enjoy the ride.

Put me down! Stop it! Why did I give you my house key?

How's it going so far, Miles? Uh,

any complaints?

No. After she ran over me with her boogie board and threw up on me in the kayak,

you know this is actually kind of relaxing.

Except for the sand crabs, but I'm not complaining.

Glad to hear it. Hey, Patty, want to get some ice cream?

Yay.

Uh, Patty, can I get up now?

No way. When I get back, I want to take a picture and don't move.

You heard her. Don't move.

And just remember, I'm still going to win the bet.

As long as you don't move.

Try not to think about the sand crabs.

Right. Not thinking. I'm not thinking. Ow, that was a big one!

Roxy, how long do I have to stay in this thing?

Oh, honey, you're just medium rare. We're looking to get you all the way to well done.

Look at that, I've been so busy taking care of you, I almost forgot about lunch.

What are you doing?

I hate it when my burger sticks to my pan,

or in this case, my man.

I don't understand why you don't just dump the kid and go home?

And I don't understand why you eat with your face.

I'm not dumping the kid because I'm winning the bet! Look at her.

I'm tired. I want to go back to Uncle Albert's.

Watch this I'm going to win this bet and get to go to my fashion show.

Any minute now she's going to come over here and say

I want to go home.

Yes!

No!

Game over! I was this close to cracking, but I didn't. She's done, I won

I didn't cave, now you're my slave

I get to go to the fashion show

Ha-ha-ha-ha

Whoa, slow down, Busta Rhymes.

Look, you can't go home yet, there's got to be something else you want to do.

What about a moose? From the world-famous

"Make A Moose" store?

They've got a Make A Moose here?

Are you kidding? It's one of the biggest in the country.

My brother goes there all the time and he loves it!

Oliver. She doesn't want to go there.

Honey, you don't want to go to Make A Moose.

It's just a bunch of hot, sweaty, screaming kids fighting over moose parts.

Doesn't that sound like fun? And don't forget that cute song.

Make, make, make a moose

Here at Make A Moose

Make a moose, make a moose, make a moose

make a moose, here at Make A Moose

Sorry. It's catchy.

Now, honey, didn't you said you were tired? Wouldn't you

much rather go home and relax and just watch some TV?

Well

Or, you could go home later and watch TV and

and cuddle up with your new best friend, Moosey McMooserpants.

That's what you really want to do.

No, what you really want to do is go home and relax. Ah.

Make A Moose, ooh!

Go home and relax, ah!

Make A Moose, ooh!

I think I want to go Make A Moose!

This is so cool!

And it's even noisier than I thought!

Oh, what's the matter you got a headache?

No, I'm just seeing where my antlers would attach if I had them.

All first time moose makers to the clearing.

Come on!

Lilly, I don't want to hear how incredible the fashion show is.

Okay, then I won't tell you how celebrity model

Lindsay Lohan twisted her ankle. Isn't that great?

Why is that great?

Because, they told me if Hannah Montana could get here before the finale,

she could fill in and keep the one-of-a-kind Stella Fabiani dress.

Lilly, I don't want to hear about this.

I'm sending you a picture now.

And I don't want to see it either.

Aw, it is beautiful! Why are you doing this to me?

Ooh. Pretty. You know, if I was you, I would do anything to own that dress.

That precious, precious dress.

You here that?

Give, give, give up the bet, give it up right now

No! No, no, no, I'm going to win this bet and get the dress.

Lilly, tell Stella I'll be there faster than she can say, Make A Moose.

Why would Stella Fabiani say, Make A Moose?

Just tell her I'll be there!

Okay, Patty, let's goose this moose!

Welcome to Make A Moose. I'm Moosemaster Mike.

Who cares? Like my grandma says on Thanksgiving, Let's get to the stuffing.

Wait, I-I have a question.

No, you don't.

You said there were over a hundred different mooses. Could you name them all?

Of course.

You better learn to sleep with your eyes open.

Yeah.

Number one. Moose Lee.

Number twenty-three. Moose Skywalker.

May the forest be with you. Because it's a moose.

Bam! Mm-mm, perfect. Roxy's hot pot of burning funk.

Ooh, yeah, that's it. You don't want your funk too

hot or too cold, you want your funk just right.

Now get ready.

It looks delicious Roxy, but I'm just not hungry.

Oh, honey, you don't eat the funk, the funk eats you.

Whoa! What are you doing?

What Hey, my sinuses, they're opening up. I can

finally breathe. What's that horrible smell?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's the funk!

Number forty-nine. I love Moosey.

Hey, Moosey, I'm home!”

Fifty more. Or, you could quit now and get to Stella.

Forget it. I'm not quitting! Come on, Patty, let's make a moose!

Uh, please stay with the herd.

Tell it to someone who cares, Bullwinkle.

Here you go. Hannah Moosetana!

How lame.

She's perfect!

Ha!

Except she needs more stuffing.

Ha!

I'd like to stuff something all right.

Complaining?

No! Of course not.

Oh, come on, faster, faster!

Turn it off! My moose is getting too big!

Aw, man. It won't shut off!

Abusing the stuffer will result in confiscation of your moose.

There was no moose abuse.

We were just looking. Go about your business please.

Wait, I have a question.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do. I was just wondering what is the difference between a moose and a caribou?

That's my favorite question.

First of all, the moose is larger.

Much, much larger.

Well, then maybe my moose should be bigger!

Your moose is fine.

But he said

I don't care what he said! I've done enough for you! I'm sick of

this! I have my own life! And I'm not going to let you ruin it!

That's it! I win! You blew up!

I did not blow up!

Now I blew up.

You know, when I pictured winning the bet,

I never quite pictured it like this.

Oh, really, that's funny.

I always pictured myself with my pants blowing

off and forced to wear an itchy moose suit.

Remember, it's a loaner.

Is lugging me around really as awful as what you put me through today?

Yeah. No, but sometimes it feels that way.

But you know the part that bothers me the most?

What?

You never even ask. You just kind of expect it.

And you never say thanks.

You're right. I don't.

But since I won the bet, I guess we don't have to worry about it anymore.

Yeah I guess not. And Jackson, I'm really sorry

for all the things you had to miss because of me.

Thanks.

Now we better get a move on if we're going to drop Patty

off, get to that fashion show, and get you that dress.

What?

Well, it's different when I offer. Then, I'm doing

it because I want to, not because I have to.

Miles, you don't have to do that.

I know. I'm doing it because I want to.

And thanks.

You're welcome.

Come on, Patty, let's go.

This was the best day ever! I'm so glad Uncle Albert pretended to be sick!

What?

Oops.

I can't believe you guys made it! She's going to look so good in that dress!

And then she gets to keep.

If she can get in it.

Why would she not be able to get in it?

When I left her backstage, she was having a little trouble with the stuck zipper.

There's no zipper on that dress.

I'm not talking about the dress.

And now adding her own unique style to a Stella

Fabiani original, celebrity model Hannah Montana!

What the heck is that?

It's what all the mooses are wearing in Paris this year.

Thanks, Roxy. I haven't felt this good in years.

Anytime, sugar, seeing that bounce in your step is all the reward I need.

Well, I'm just going to go out for a run now, so, uh,

please, don't feel like you have to wait here for me.

Please. Don't.

Just let me just collect my lotions and potions.

And sorry about that pot. I guess even cast iron can't stand up to Roxy's funk.

Are you sure you're okay, Dad?

I feel horrible, son, but if I don't get that woman

out of here, she's going to nurse me to death.

What part of Roxy hears everything don't you understand?

Now put on your suit, Tin Man, I'm throwing my hot

stones on the grill and a porterhouse on your chest!

Oh can we have some of your great homemade soup with that?

Soup? What soup?

Oh, no the boy ate the funk. Hold on, Jackson,

I'm going to brew up a pot of anti-funk.

Anti-funk?