Original subtitles

My time is now. My perfume is Eau Wow.

Complete the circle.

I've never smelled anything like it before.

Okay, where's that director? Hannah's ready to smell up the place.

Let me smell, let me smell.

Mm It's light, it's subtle It's water.

What a rip off!

Lola, it's just a prop. The real one'll be here any second.

It has been completely under wraps. Even I haven't smelled it.

Then how do you know if it's any good?

Of course it's good. It's fifty bucks a bottle! And it completes the circle.

Okay, who are those guys?

I think they're the circle.

Ah, there's my gorgeous little star. I am going to make you look fantastic.

This is your moment.

What am I, a plate of grits?

Here we go again. Hannah, darling, I didn't see you there.

When I found out we were going to work

together again, all I could say was... yee-ha.

Aw, Liza, you haven't changed a bit.

Oh, fantastic. That means the eyelift's working.

So, where's that handsome cowboy daddy of yours?

Liza likey.

Uh.

He's in the bathroom.

Oh.

In Europe.

Oh.

So, what do you say you give me that little bottle

of liquid magic and we shoot ourselves a commercial?

Absolutely. Make-up!

Perfect! I'm ready.

My time is now. My perfume is Eau Wow. Complete

the circle. I've never smelled any Oh, wow!

Cut!

Hannah, darling.

Little advertising tidbit. Um, when selling a product,

gagging and retching... big turn off.

Right. That's why you're the director.

Uh-huh.

One minute. Okay.

Lola, what am I gonna do? This stuff smells horrible.

Really? I like it. It smells like raspberries.

Raspberries! That's it. That's what's been making me sick.

What's wrong with raspberries?

Time's up! Little Miss Miley Stewart is our new Junior Pie Eating Champion!

With five raspberry pies in ten minutes!

Yeah! I'm the champion. I'm the champion. I'm the champion. I won.

And now to present the award, the Governor of Tennessee.

Uh-oh. I've got a funny, coming out of tummy.

That was the last time that Governor ever presented that award.

Or wore that suit.

Now even a whiff of raspberry makes me sick.

Hey, why don't you just use the fake one. It is only filled with water.

Lola, you're a genius!

I am, aren't I?

Complete the circle.

I've never smelled anything like it before.

And cut! Oh!

That was great! That was perfect!

I know, I've done it again. Oh! You and I were brilliant.

And you're still a plate of grits.

It doesn't matter. I'm done with this commercial

and I never have to smell that perfume again.

You're wearing it, aren't you?

No. Yes. I like it.

It doesn't matter. You can't keep it.

I won't wear it around you.

Darn right you won't.

You're not the boss of me!

Hey! Let go!

Oh! You don't look so good.

I've got a funny, coming out of my tummy.

Everybody clear!

It's been a half hour.

If that tomato juice was gonna get rid of the smell, it would've worked by now.

You're right. This is getting ridiculous.

Getting? You passed ridiculous when you took that bath in tuna fish.

Hey, it said it work on some stink website.

I should've backed out of the commercial the minute I smelled that perfume.

Now I smell worse than Uncle Earl after he was

drilling for oil and hit that sewage pipe.

Okay, if I haven't said this before: I don't ever wanna meet Uncle Earl.

Uncle Earl's not that bad.

The one you don't wanna meet is Aunt Max.

Talk about your bearded lady.

Anyhow, honey, I found this old bag of kitty litter out in the garage.

It's supposed to activate when you scratch it. Might be worth a shot.

Dad, it isn't funny.

You didn't see what I went through.

I'm sorry, honey, I was a little busy.

Yeah, hiding from Liposuction Liza.

I wasn't hiding. I just got stuck trying to get out the bathroom window.

I'm sorry, that lady's just plain weird.

Hi-ya!

She's not the only one.

Dad, I'm about to make you proud.

You're gonna go back upstairs and change?

No, I'm gonna make an audition tape.

You're looking at the next million-dollar winner of Teen Wilderness Challenge.

I love that show!

Last night the girl from Pittsburgh had to eat a live millipede.

Yeah, poor kid had nine hundred legs down her before that

little critter hung a left and went out her nostril.

Jackson, you wouldn't last one day on Teen Wilderness Challenge.

Oh yeah? Check it out.

I like to throw the little ones back.

It's the way of the hunter.

My name is Jackson Rod Stewart,

and I'm your next Teen Wilderness champion.

You get a lot of audition tapes with people telling you what they're going to do,

well I'm gonna show you. Hi-ya! I'm gonna

survive for the next two weeks on this beach.

My only tools: these and this. And a whole lotta this. And of course these.

And these, but that doesn't really count, 'cause I always use those.

Anyway, I'm gonna be completely isolated from all of civilization.

Sorry.

Oh, honey, get away from the strange man.

Hey! Y-You can edit that out, right?

Sure, but I don't get it. You didn't bring any

food. How are you gonna survive out here?

Off the land, man! Nature's bounty's abundant.

Hey, now shoot this. I'm gonna go up that tree and get some coconuts for dinner.

Hey. Get in tight on my bear tooth.

It lets 'em know I'm a war hero.

Hey, Double O, I got two of 'em! Whoa! Ah!

Are you okay?

Landed right on the coconuts.

Dad, I need to talk to you about something.

Hang on, bud. I'm watching your brother.

He's been trying to open up a coconut for over half an hour.

Oliver?

I know, edit it out.

I don't know why I pay for cable when I got a son like him.

So, what's on your mind, bud?

Daddy, is there any way that you can call the Eau Wow people

and have them stop that commercial from going on the air?

This thing's really eating at ya, isn't it?

Yeah, that perfume makes me sick. How can I go tell the world that I love it?

Well, if that's how you feel, then I'll call the

company and we'll put a stop to this thing right now.

Thanks, Dad. That's a load off.

Now, cheer yourself up. Take a look at your brother.

Ooh! Wow! That's gotta hurt.

But you're right. It did cheer me up.

And so does knowing that Hannah isn't gonna lie to the whole world.

Delivery from Eau Wow perfume.

I hope it's muffins.

I love it when they send those little teeny tiny muffins with

those little chocolate chips in 'em, and icing on the top. Mm.

Dad.

Just bring it in.

Uh, yeah, I don't think it'll fit through the door.

I was hoping for muffins.

Oh.

Wow.

You wowed us. Hope this wows you.

Your Eau Wow family.

Daddy, it's beautiful!

Yep. Too bad we gotta send it back.

Say what?

Hey, Mile, they're not gonna let us keep it once you back out of that commercial.

The only thing I'm backing out of is this driveway in my sweet new ride.

Now hold your horses.

I thought you said you couldn't stand the smell of that perfume.

Right now all I'm smelling is new car and muffins!

Eeee doggies! Ooh! Those little chocolate chip ones. Mm.

Man, this car handles like a dream.

She really hugs the road.

Just think, one day you'll have your permit and you can really drive this thing.

I know.

Selling out was the best thing you ever did.

I didn't sell out.

Oh, please. You did a commercial saying you love something that makes you wanna yack.

Okay, maybe a little.

But everybody exaggerates in commercials.

I mean, do you really think that football player's

mom follows him around with a can of soup?

Doubt it!

Hey, Mile. Eau Wow people just called.

You still sure about going through with this?

That's car talk for, Oh yeah, baby!

Okay, then congratulations.

Tomorrow night you're gonna be telling people about

how much you love the sweet smell of Eau Wow

on The Real Deal With Collin Lassiter.

Collin Lassiter?

That's the biggest interview show on TV.

Yep, I know, bud.

Hey, there's still time to pull the plug if you want to.

And give back our car?

I mean, you do what you feel is right.

I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy what time I have left with Maria.

Lilly, don't worry.

Our car's not going anywhere. You tell Collin I'll be there.

Okay then, I'll go make the call.

I am so proud of you.

I could never go in front of the whole world and lie.

When I tell my dad I finished my homework when I haven't,

I start giggling like an idiot.

Well, that's the difference between me and you.

I can go on Collin's show and say that I love Eau Wow.

What was that?

Nothing. I just thought of something funny.

It's not like I was laughing 'cause I was lying.

You did this to me.

After a six-hour hunt,

I finally bagged this beauty,

my first solid food in six hours and two minutes.

And now, I will start my own fire and cook my feast.

Though you gave me a fierce battle, oh mighty crab,

in the end, your primitive little brain was no match for mine.

Oh, man! Where'd he go? Dag flabbit! Oliver?

Don't worry. It's erased.

But I think you should know, at this point, we

only have twenty-seven seconds of usable footage.

Who cares about footage? I'm starving.

Okay! All right! Tell me about it.

Remember, we're going through this together.

You and me, side by side,

living on nothing but.

Pizza delivery for Oliver Oken.

Right here, dude.

Oliver, you're brilliant.

Hey, give me a slice.

I can't do that, man.

Come on, I'll give you three puka shells and-and these magic fire sticks.

Jackson, get a grip.

You're stronger than this. Sure, I could give you this pizza and you could stuff

your face with the pepperoni and the sausage and-and the cheesy filled crust.

But you don't wanna do that.

I don't?

No! You're a Teen Wilderness Champion.

You got-You got this. And-And a whole lot of this.

And-And all the other stuff.

I just wish I could be more like you.

But I'm weak. That's why I'm gonna eat this in my tent.

Fine, you go ahead. I don't need your stinkin' pizza.

I-I've got, uh... I've got rock grass.

Huh? And-And-And seaweed and-and-and fresh air and, and nature's very own moonlight!

Coming up on Channel Twenty-Four Weather, freak thunderstorms along the coast.

We might even see some hail!

I can do this. I can do this.

I'm a Teen Wilderness Champion. I am a Teen Wilderness Champion.

Ooh! Got a splinter.

Blood! The blood of a warrior.

Man, that rain's really coming down out there.

I hope Jackson's okay.

What in tarnation?

Thanks. That's good.

Hannah, I just want you to remember this.

Whatever happens out here, I love you,

and I really love that car. Please don't blow this!

Lola, chillax. I got it all figured out.

All I have to do is not lie.

Yes!

If I don't lie, then I won't giggle.

For example, ask me what I think of the perfume.

What do you think of the perfume?

It's like nothing I have ever smelled before.

You see? No giggles.

Hey, darlin', the more I think about it, the

more I think going on this show's a bad idea.

Daddy, you worry too much.

What if he brings out a bottle of that perfume, you get a whiff of it?

Thought about it. I've already got about a pound of vapor rub in my nose.

Right now I could smell one of Jackson's dirty socks and live to tell the tale.

I'll have to remember that next time I go visit Uncle.

Earl and he's cooked up a pot of that three bean chili.

You're sure you're okay?

Trust me Dad, everything's gonna be fine.

What's so funny?

What's not funny Dad? You gotta learn to laugh more.

It's gonna be a breeze.

Howdy, partner! Ahh!

Just came by to wish you luck. Wait up, cowboy!

You had to plant that giggling thing in my head?

Look on the bright side, you can always cover

giggling by saying something was funny.

It's not like you're Oliver. When he lies, he hiccups.

And, we're back with pop sensation, Hannah Montana.

We've talked about your new CD and your European tour.

Let's get the real deal on this commercial, huh?

Is that true? Had you really never smelled anything like it before?

I can honestly say, throughout all the perfumes that I

have worn, it is totally unique, and that's the truth.

So you-you weren't just acting, you honestly love the stuff.

Well, I mean, have you seen the bottle? It's beautiful.

Round with a little point.

Yeah, it's great. But I'm-I'm asking you about what's inside.

Do you like the perfume, yes or no?

Well, of course the answer has to be

yes.

That's-that's good to hear.

I'm glad you're not one of those celebrities who goes

out and pushes something she doesn't believe in.

That's not me.

Got a little something.

What an adorable laugh you have.

Glad you like it. You're gonna be hearing it quite a lot.

Great. Oh! Artie says our switchboard is going crazy.

So, let's take some calls, huh?

Okay.

Uh, Caitlin from Michigan, you're on with Hannah Montana.

Hannah, I love you and I can't wait to smell like you!

Do you wear Eau Wow every day?

Well not every day.

Why not?

I don't want to waste it.

There was an ant?

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Just a little nervous about being on your show.

You're actually much more handsome in person.

She the cutest thing?

Big star like her still gets nervous.

You know, when I get nervous, I, uh,

I sweat. Like a pig!

Thanks, Collin. Good to know.

All right. Let's take our next caller, huh?

Brianna from Georgia.

Hannah, I'm such a big fan. I can't believe I'm talking to you.

I hear your perfume smells like raspberries.

I love raspberries. Don't you love raspberries?

Well, I really don't like singling out any one fruit as my favorite.

So unfair to all the other fruits.

But it's in your perfume. So you-you gotta like raspberries, right? Yes or no?

Yes. I mean, uh,

who doesn't like a good raspberry?

Oh, well, Brianna, thanks for the call.

Read a book, eat your vegetables, always be polite.

Thanks, Hannah. I do love.

So, Collin,

how about that hailstorm last night?

Hannah, you, uh, you need a tissue or a bath towel?

No. No. Thanks. I'm good.

How you feelin', bud?

I'm really glad I told the Eau Wow people that I couldn't endorse their perfume.

The truth is always the best thing.

Even though sometimes it hurts.

It really, really hurts.

I'm gonna miss her so much.

I'll never forget you, Maria.

Lilly, calm down. It's really not that great of a car anyway.

I'm gonna miss you, too, Maria.

It's okay. We'll survive.

Hey, speaking of surviving, anybody heard from your brother?

I just got a call from the Teen Wilderness Challenge show.

He's been turned down.

Oh. How do you think he's gonna take it?

Not so good.