Original subtitles

This is so cool!

I can't believe how many people e-mail Hannah Montana.

"Dear Hannah, you rock. Jill in Milwaukee." Aw!

"Dear Hannah, you're awesome! Danny in lowa City."

"Dear Hannah, get your bra off the shower rod. Jackson, in Malibu." Ew.

And I mean it!

He touched it. Now I have to burn it.

"Dear Hannah, I love, love, love that scarf you wore at the video awards.

Where, where, where can I get one? Jenny in Walla Walla, Washington."

Listen to this one. "Dear Hannah, I have this"

massive crush on a boy who doesn't know I exist."

Typical.

Yep. "His locker is three down from mine. What should I do?"

"Your biggest fan, Becca from Malibu." Becca from Malibu?

You don't think it could be Becca Weller from homeroom?

I'm thinking it's a good shot.

Let's see, three down from Becca...

Oliver?

I can't believe it. Becca Weller is crushing on Oliver.

"Dear Becca... if he won't ask you out, you ask him. Rock his world!

"Sincerely, Hannah Montana..." Making the world a better place for love.

Hey, Miles. My robe fell in the toilet, so I borrowed yours. Hope you don't mind.

Great, now I have to burn that, too.

Did you see that? She just totally checked him out.

Definitely interested.

Perfume walk-by.

First you see her, then you smell her! Kind of like my Uncle Earl.

Uh, Oliver? Oh, hi. Did you get the History assignment? I forgot to write it down.

No, I don't have it, but Mr.

Aaron, he always

writes it on the board. You

can just go look at it.

Oh. Okay. I'll... go look. Thanks.

Oh, Oliver? Excuse us.

I'm sorry. What's wrong with you?

Ow. What did I do?

Couldn't you tell that Becca Weller was hitting on you?

What?

Ow!

A grilled cheese sandwich would've picked that one up!

They're serving grilled cheese today?

Becca's an A student. She knows what the History assignment is.

Then why'd she ask me?

And don't hit me again!

Because she's crushing on you.

Listen to me, and I'm going to make this real simple:

She... like... you.

How do you know?

Remember when you had to spit-swear to never reveal my other identity?

Yes, and I got a cold right after that, thank you very much.

Well, start sucking down some chicken soup,

because another secret's coming your way.

I wish we hadn't outgrown the pinky swear.

Becca e-mailed Hannah Montana and said she had a massive crush on you.

Becca Weller has a crush on me? Me?

I know. We were shocked, too.

So, Becca Weller wants to take a ride on the "Ollie Trolley."

All right then, let's go make her dreams come true. Ding, ding!

A ding-a-ding-ding!

I forgot something.

What?

It rhymes with "trolley."

I need more than that.

That boy doesn't have the brains the good Lord gave a hunk of turkey jerky.

I don't get it, man. What happened to "Oliver Smokin' Oken"?

Yeah, you're usually all.

"Hey, babe, are you from."

Tennessee? Because you're

"the only ten I see."

I got one, "Are you from Mississippi?"

Because you're the only miss I sippy." What? You got something better?

I just totally froze. Has this ever happened to you?

Has that ever happened to him?

Uh, excuse me, but I can be honest about my romantic history.

I don't have anything to hide. It's never happened to me.

Whoo! Gimme a water, Son. I swear there's nothing

better than a ten-mile run down the beach.

One of these days I'm gonna know what that feels like.

Here you go, Dad. Uh, feel free to tip.

Here's one for ya: stop leaving your underwear on the kitchen floor.

Hey, bud, Miley told me about Ollie's Trolly's little derailment.

Well, why don't we just put it in the newspaper?

Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. You want to know how I got my first date?

I walked right up to her, I looked her straight

in the eyes and said "my Robby name is hi."

And it worked?

Like a charm. I mean, sometimes with women, you just gotta keep in mind,

it's not a matter of what you say, but having the

guts to say something. You just be yourself, partner.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I think I've jogged

my way to a fudgey-buddy. Hey, ice cream man!

I got another one: "Are you from Waikiki? Because I gotta"

"ask, why, Kiki?" Oh, come on, it works if her name is Kiki.

Hello, Jackson.

Hello, Rico.

I want chicken wings.

Well, we don't have chicken wings.

Well, we should.

Well, we don't. Come on, Rico, why do you always have to be so mean?

Hey, everybody has to have a hobby.

I used to collect stamps, but this is more fun.

Anyway, back to chicken wings. Whose name is on that sign?

Yours.

That's one.

And whose father owns this place?

Yours.

That's two.

And whose father told you to "keep Rico happy?" Does this look happy?

That's three. And we have a winner!

All right, Rico. What kind of wings do you want? Mild, medium or spicy?

I'd say "medium," but then I couldn't say "spicy!"

Just one more tweak and it's Becca time.

There. Just messy enough to say, "I'm wild, but I can be tamed."

Breath check?

That's perfume!

Oops, sorry. But it worked.

This is it. It's all up to you now.

Are you ready?

I'm ready!

Do you feel it?

I feel it!

Are you the man?

I'm man!

Go, go, go!

Hi, Oliver.

My Robby name is hi. My Oliver name is hi.

Are you trying to ask me out?

Yes. Wow. For a second there I thought I was a babbling fool.

Oh, baby!

Yay!

What, a girl can't get excited about Brussels

sprouts? What is the matter with you people?

Are you done?

Almost.

Now I am. Keep your pants clean, I'm gonna eat some ribs later.

Sad, sad, sad. My best friend has been reduced to a moist towelette.

These are perfect. Crunchy, spicy, and... Ooh! Slippery...

Ow! Hot sauce in my eye! Hot sauce in my eye!

Oh! Soda in my eye! Soda in my eye!

There's nothing like dinner and a show. I told Dad this wing thing would work.

I can't wait to tell him my next idea.

Oh man, it doesn't involve him in a chicken suit, does it?

It does now.

Free chicken wings!

Hey! Back off! Watch the nuggets!

Lying down on the job. Dad's not gonna be happy about this.

Oliver! How did your date go with Becca?

Yeah, come on! Flap those lips!

Sorry, I don't kiss and tell.

You kissed?

Tell!

My lips are sealed. She thinks I'm funny, smart and sensitive!

It was the greatest afternoon of my life! Zipped tight.

This is wicked awesome. Once again, Hannah Montana

has made the world a better place for love.

Becca must be so jazzed, I wonder if she's thanked Hannah yet. Check your e-mail.

I am way ahead of you. "Dear Hannah, thanks for the awesome advice..."

"...too bad I have to end things with this guy who really likes me." What?

"He's a super nice guy, but I just have to tell him I just want to be friends."

She's going to dump Oliver! After just one day?

Well, think on the bright side, it's the longest relationship he's ever had.

I don't understand. Becca was so into Oliver.

He thought things went great, why would she want to break up with him?

I think I know.

The little tramp.

Hey. Hi.

Oliver!

You don't want to go in there.

Big casserole explosion. Horrible. Tuna everywhere.

What are you doing?

You need to dump Becca.

What? Did you miss everything I said into my locker?

Trust us. She's bad news.

Real bad news. Like walking barefoot through a

field of cows after their morning sit down.

What? Y'all never heard that one before?

Oh. I get it. You guys are afraid I'll be too busy with Becca.

Come here. I'll always have time for my two little girls. But not right now, gotta go.

Oliver. She e-mailed Hannah. She said she

just wants to be friends with you. I'm sorry.

It's true. She's already got someone else.

Oh, man. I don't understand. We're supposed to go to the beach this afternoon.

Oh, man. She's going to dump me at the beach.

Oh, no. You don't know that. She could dump you on the bus, in

between classes, in the mall... She could even text message you.

That's what I'd do.

Why did you tell me she liked me in the first place?

This is all your fault... you and Hannah's stupid e-mail advice!

Why don't you stick to singing and your little dance moves!

But I... He's right. I feel horrible.

Oh. Don't. You dance way better than that.

Hey, Mile. You're just in time. I'm working on a new melody for Hannah.

Sit down and tell me what you think.

Well, Jackson said he liked it. Then again, he is a little kiss-up.

Oh, Dad, it's not the song. It's just that I used

the Hannah advice column to help Oliver get a girl,

and ended up making things worse.

Then I guess it's all your fault.

Whoa, you're not supposed to say that. You're supposed to say I

did it with good intentions and shouldn't be so hard on myself.

Okay, then you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

How can you say that? It doesn't matter what my intentions were;

I meddled, and now Oliver's miserable. You cannot just let me off the hook for that.

Okay, you're grounded.

No! This is where you're supposed to hug me and

say "everything's gonna be all right, bud."

Do I have to draw you a map?

It sure would help. Mile, you tried something,

it didn't work out. Sometimes that's just how life is.

It's like telling your brother to put on a new roll when the toilet paper runs out.

Sometimes he does it, sometimes I'm left sitting there

reading shampoo bottles till someone comes home.

That don't mean I was wrong for trying. Everything's gonna be all right, bud.

Too little, too late, Dad.

Hey.

Hey. Have you seen Oliver?

Oh, yeah.

Does he still hate me?

Oh, no. He's way past that.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Enough, already! Have some pride! I keep telling you: dump her before she dumps you.

Lilly's right. And the important thing is, that you're still Smokin' Oken.

You guys are right. When it rhymes, it makes sense!

What the heck are you wearing?

Don't drain the tub. I'm making soup.

What are you doing?

I'm giving that Becca a piece of Hannah Montana's mind.

Oh, no you're not. Hannah Montana's done enough trouble for one day.

Oh look. How convenient. She wrote you again.

Lilly! I mean it! I'm not doing this anymore! Uh-oh.

What?

"Dear Hannah, you were right. Oliver is such a great guy for me."

"So today in the cafeteria I broke up with my old boyfriend Toby."

"Toby?"

That's the guy she was holding hands with!

"He took it pretty hard, but now Oliver and I can be together."

Not if he breaks up with her! We have to stop him!

What are we standing here for? Let's go!

I thought you weren't going to butt in anymore.

That was before we told him to break up with

the first girl to like him since preschool.

Hey, I didn't "like him" like him, I only held his hand because I wanted his crayons.

He had the sixty-four pack. With the sharpener!

I am not hanging from a parasail and flying across this beach.

Oh, yes, you are. It's advertising and my dad already paid for it.

I don't care. I refuse to look ridiculous.

Said the man in the chicken suit.

Jackson! Have you seen Oliver?

Yeah. He's down on the beach with some girl.

Because he can get a girl, because he's not in a chicken suit!

All I'm looking for is "down the beach." But thanks for sharing.

But we'll never get to him in time.

I have to! I'm the one that messed this up.

If I don't stop him, then I'm never gonna forgive myself.

But how? Look how far away he is. You'd have to be able to fly!

Is that a parasail?

Slow down there, toots. There's only one way you get to go up in this thing.

You are one evil little boy.

It's a little too late for flattery.

Hit it!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, this isn't bad. Oh, yeah, I like this.

Oliver! Oliver! Uh, boat driver, I need to be lower!

Lower!

Lower! Thank you.

Becca, I, um...

Oliver! Don't do it! Don't say anything!

Miley?

Please say I'm not too late.

Miley, why are you dressed like a chicken?

Because they're all out of gorilla suits. Now can we move on?

Me and Oliver need to have a little talk, you know, face to beak.

Please say you didn't break up with her.

What?

Well, excuse me, but can a chicken get a little privacy here?

You were going to break up with me?

Well, you were going to break up with me.

No I wasn't. Why would you think that?

Because that's what you wrote Hannah Montana! Oh!

How did you know that?

How did I know that? How did I know that? How did I know that?

Because... you... read minds.

Seriously, I don't read minds, that's ridiculous. I

read... your PDA, which I stole from your gym locker.

Why would you do that?

Because I'm a bad chicken.

And, because she's in love with me.

What?

Yes. You don't have to hide it anymore.

Face it, you were nearly driven mad by the thought of me in the arms of another woman!

Okay. What he said. But with less feeling.

She's been in love with me for years. A deep, needy...

Okay, she gets it. The good thing is nobody was breaking up with anybody.

Oliver is a really special guy; you two are meant for each other.

Well, all that's left to say is: bok-bok, bye-bye!

All out of eggs, sorry.

Jackson! Jackson! Is that you? Jackson!

Yeah, Dad?

Jackson! Guess where I am.

Oh no.

Sorry, Dad. That's my bad, buddy.