Original subtitles

There's a strange man in my bedroom.

No.

Mum? I'm in town!

No, go home! Go home right now. Darling you're breaking up. Mum!

Right then, I'll be off.

Unless. . .I dunno, you could come with me.

Is it always this dangerous? Yeah.

How long have I been gone? About 12 hours.

Oh. . . ! Right, I won't be long. I just want to see my mum.

What you gonna tell her? I dunno. That I've been to the year five billion and only been gone, what,

12 hours? No, I'll just tell her I spent the night at Shereen's.

See you later.

Don't you disappear.

I'm back! I was with Shereen. She got all upset again. . . Are you in?

What's been goin' on? How've you been?

What's that face for? It's not the first time I've stayed out all night.

It's you.

Course it's me.

Oh, my God, it's you. Oh, my God.

I-It's not 12 hours, it's 12 months. You've been gone a whole year.

Sorry!

The hours I sat here - days and weeks and months - all on my own!

I thought you were dead, and where were you? "Travelling"!

What the hell's it mean, travelling?

That's no sort of answer! .You ask her, she won't tell me.

That's all she says, "travelling".

That's what I was doing. With your passport still in the drawer? It's just one lie after another!

I meant to phone, I really did. I just. . .

I forgot. For a year? You forgot for a year, and I'm left sitting here? !

I just don't believe you! Why won't you tell me where you've been?

Actually, it's my fault. I sort of. . . employed Rose as my companion.

When you say companion, is this a sexual relationship? No! No!

Then what is it? Because you. . . ! You waltz in here, all charm and smiles,

and the next thing I know, she vanishes off the face of the Earth!

How old are you then, 40, 45? What, did you find her on the Internet,

go online and pretend you're a doctor(? ) I am a doctor. Prove it.

Stitch this.

Ow!

(Oh-h!)

Did you think about me at all? I did, all the time, but. . .

One phone call. Just to know that you were alive.

I'm sorry, I really am.

But d'you know, what terrifies me is that you still can't say.

What happened to you, Rose? What can be so bad that you can't tell me, sweetheart? Where were you?

EMERGENCY SIRENS PASS

I can't tell her. I can't even begin.

She's never going to forgive me. And I missed a year. Was it good? Middling. You're so useless.

Well, if it's this much trouble, are you gonna stay here now? I dunno.

Can't do that to her again, though. Well, she's not coming with us.

No chance! I don't do families.

She slapped you! 900 years of time and space - I've never been slapped by someone's mother. Your face.

It hurt! You're so gay!

When you say 900 years. . .

That's my age. You're 900 years old.

Yeah.

My mum was right. That is one hell of an age gap.

Every conversation with you just goes mental.

There's no-one else I can talk to! I've seen all that stuff, up there,

the size of it, and I can't say a word. Aliens and spaceships and things. . .

and I'm the only person on planet Earth who knows they exist.

PAAAAAARP!

BIG BEN BONGS

Oh, that's just not fair.

HORNS BEEP EMERGENCY SIRENS WHOOP

WOMAN: OK! Keep your hair on! It's not MY fault!

Ah, just my luck.

Stay BACK, please. Back, thank you.

It's blocked off!

We're miles from the centre. The city must be gridlocked.

The whole of London must be closing down.

I know! I can't believe I'm here to see this. This is fantastic! Did you know this was gonna happen? Nope!

D'you recognise the ship? Nope! D'you know why it crashed? Nope!

So glad I've got you(!) Bet you are! This is why I travel, Rose. History happening right in front of us!

Well, let's go and see it. Never mind the traffic, we've got the Tardis. Hmm. Better not.

With one spaceship in the middle of London, I don't wanna shove another on top. Yeah. . .

but yours looks like a big blue box. No-one'd notice. You'd be surprised.

Emergency like this, all kinds of people will be watching. Trust me, the Tardis stays where it is.

So history is happening, and we're stuck here. Yes, we are. . .This has gotta be Ken Livingstone, innit. . . ?

We COULD do what everyone else does.

Watch it on TV.

'Big Ben destroyed as a UFO crash-lands in central London.

'Police reinforcements are drafted in from across the country

'to control widespread panic, looting and civil disturbance.

'A state of national emergency has been declared. Tom Hitchinson is at the scene.'

The police urge the public not to panic. Here's the helpline number

if you're worried about friends or family.

The military are on the lookout for more spaceships

so all flights in North American airspace have been grounded.

The army are sending divers into the wreck

no-one knows what they're going to find.

The President will address the nation live,

but the Secretary General has asked that people watch the skies.

I've got no choice! . .Broke your mother's heart. . . ! Make him welcome or risk never seeing you again.

.And I cradled her like a child. . . Oi! I'm trying to listen!

.Just coming in. . .

And we go to Tom at the Embankment.

They've found a body.

It's unconfirmed but I'm being told a body's been found in the wreckage,

a body of non-terrestrial origins.

It's being brought ashore.

'A body has been found inside the wreckage of a spacecraft.'

Guess who asked me out? Billy Croot!

'Unconfirmed reports say the body IS of extra-terrestrial origin.

'An extraordinary event unfolding live in Central London.

'The body is being transferred to a secure-unit mortuary, whereabouts as yet unknown. Roads in. . .'

'And when you've stuck your fins on you can cover the whole lot in butter-cream.

'Ooh look at that! Ice it any colour you want.

'And here's one I made earlier. . .

'And look at that, your very own spaceship, ready to eat.

'And for something extra special. . .'

'. .Albion Hospital.'

We still don't know if it's alive or dead. Whitehall's denying everything.

But the body has been brought here, Albion Hospital. With roads closed, it's the closest to the river. . .'

(Go on!)

I'm being told that's General Asquith now entering the hospital.

SIREN WHOOPS

The building's evacuated, patients moved out onto the streets.

the police still won't confirm the presence of an alien body contained inside those walls.

Let's have a look, then.

Good God!

And that's real?

It's not a hoax or a dummy, or. . ? I've x-rayed the skull.

It's wired up inside like nothing I've ever seen before. No-one could make this up.

We've got experts being flown in.

Until they arrive, get that out of sight.

Excuse me, sir. I know it's a state of emergency and there's a lot of rumour flying around, but. . .

is it true what they're saying? About the Prime Minister?

Mystery surrounds the whereabouts of the Prime Minister. He's not been seen since the emergency began.

The opposition are criticising his lack of leadership. . . Hold on.

Oh, that's Joseph Green, MP for Hartley Dale.

He's Chairman of the Parliamentary Commission on the Monitoring of Sugar Standards in Exported Confectionery.

With respect, hardly the most important person right now.

Indra Ganesh, sir, Junior Secretary with the MOD. I'll be your liaison. Where the hell is he?

If we could talk in private, sir? Follow me upstairs. Excuse me. . .

Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. I'm sorry, can't it wait? But I did have an appointment at 3.15. Yes.

Then a spaceship crashed in the middle of London. I think the schedule might have changed(!)

You've heard about the body, sir? Never mind that. Where is he? Where's the Prime Minister?

No-one knows, he's disappeared. I have to inform you,

with the city gridlocked and the Cabinet stranded outside London, you become Acting Prime Minister. Now.

Oh, Lord! Oh, hold on. PHRRRRT!

Pardon me. I-It's a nervous stomach. Anyway. . . !

Margaret Blaine, she's with MI5 There's no more information sir.

I personally escorted the PM from the Cabinet Room to his car. This is Oliver Charles, Transport Liaison.

The car's disappeared. There's no record of it, sir. Literally vanished. Right - inside,

tell me everything. Er, sir. . .

Emergency protocols. The actions to be taken by the Government in the event of an alien incursion.

Right. Good.

PHRRRT! Blimey!

Pardon me.

Get to work, eh?

DOGS BARK

And where d'you think you're going? Nowhere. It's. . .just a bit human in there for me.

History's happened. They're talking about where to buy dodgy top-up cards half-price. I'm only off on a wander.

Right. A spaceship on the Thames, and you're just wandering(? ) Nothing to do with me! It's not an invasion.

That was a genuine crash-landing. Angle of descent, colour of smoke, everything. It was perfect. So?

So maybe this is it. First contact. The day mankind officially comes into contact with an alien race.

I'm not interfering. You've GOT to handle this on your own. And the human race finally grows up!

Just this morning, you were all tiny and small and made of clay! Now you can expand!

You don't need me. Go and celebrate history. Spend time with your mum. Promise you won't disappear.

Tell you what.

Tardis key. About time you had one. See you later.

MUSIC STARTS UP

MUSIC AND LAUGHTER

WOMAN: Oi, gorgeous, come back and join the party!

Oh, my God!

Oi! Doctor!

DOCTOR!

I bet no-one's brought you a coffee.

Thank you. Pleasure.

You still can't go in.

Damn, you've seen through my cunning plan.

Look, I'm sorry, it's impossible. Not even for two minutes?

I don't get many chances to walk these corridors,

I'm hardly one of the "babes", just a faithful backbencher.

And I know we've had a brave new world land right on our doorstep, and that's wonderful.

I think that's. . .probably wonderful, nevertheless, ordinary life keeps ticking away.

I need to enter this paper.

Oh, Mr Green sir, I know you're busy, but could you put this on the next Cabinet agenda?

What is it? Cottage hospitals. I've worked out a system

where cottage hospitals need not be excluded from Centres of Excellence.

You see, my mother's in the Flydale Infirmary, that's my constituency,

tiny little place, you wouldn't know it - but it. . . By all the saints,

get some perspective, woman! I'm busy!

DISTANT THUD ECHOES

LOUDER THUD

ANOTHER THUD

THUD AND METALLIC CLANK

REGULAR THUDS CONTINUE

LOUD WHIRR Shhh!

THUDS AND CRASHES

THUMPS BECOME FASTER

CHAT AND BANTER

THEY FALL SILENT

THUDS AND BANGS

SHE SCREAMS

SCREAM AUDIBLE Defence plan delta! Come on, MOVE!

It's alive. Spread out, tell the perimeter it's a lockdown.

Oh, my God it's still alive!

Do it!

Mick! Terry! Side rooms! Now!

Clear!

Clear! Keep it moving! Clear!

I swear, it was dead. . .

Coma, shock, hibernation, anything. . . What does it look like?

METALLIC CLINK

It's still here.

METAL CLINKS

IT GRUNTS

Hello.

LOUD SQUEAL

Don't shoot!

LOUD SCREECHES

What did you do that for? It was scared!

It was scared!

SOFT GROAN

MAN OUTSIDE: . .I have the White House phoning me direct because Downing Street won't answer their calls!

this is outrageous! We haven't even started the vaccination programme. This is appalling!

The nations of the world are watching the United Kingdom. Well, it HAS all been a bit of a shock.

It's the greatest crisis in modern history, and you've done nothing.

Your behaviour's been shameful, sir! You're supposed to be in charge. We need leadership.

The capital's ground to a halt.

Furthermore, we can only assume the PM's disappearance is the direct result of hostile alien action,

and what've you been doing? Nothing! Sorry. . .

Sorry, ah. . .I thought

I was Prime Minister now.

Only by default! Oh-h-h, that's not fair(!)

I've been having such fun. You think this is fun?

It's a hoot, this job.

Honestly, it's super!

PHRRRT! Oh! 'Scuse me.

PHRRRT!

PHRRRT! What's going on here?

Where's the rest of the Cabinet? Why haven't they been airlifted in? I cancelled it. They'd get in the way.

PHRRRT! Oops, there I go.

PHRRRT! PHRRRT! PHRRRT-SQUEAK! Ooh! And me!

THEY GIGGLE

I'M. . .shaking my booty. PHRRRT!

PHRRRT! Sir!

Under Section 5 of the emergency protocols, it is my duty to relieve you of command.

And by God, I'll put this country under martial law if I have to.

Ooh I'm scared(!)

I mean. . .

that's hair-raising.

I mean, literally.

Look.

THE OTHERS GIGGLE

THEY LAUGH

SQUELCHY GURGLES AND CRACKLES

HE SCREAMS

I just assumed that's what aliens looked like.

You're saying it's an ordinary pig, from Earth? More like a mermaid.

Victorian showmen used to draw the crowds by gluing the skull of a cat to a fish, then calling it a mermaid.

Now someone's taken a pig, opened up its brain, stuck bits on.

Then they strapped it in that ship, made it dive-bomb,

it must've been terrified.

They've taken this animal and turned it into a joke.

So it's a fake, a pretend, like the mermaid.

But the technology augmenting its brain, it's like nothing on Earth.

It's alien. Aliens are faking aliens?

Why would they. . . ?

Doctor?

Doctor?

TARDIS GRINDS AND GROANS

Here's to the Martians! The Martians!

I was gonna come and see ya. Someone owes Mickey an apology.

I'm sorry. Not you.

Well, it's not my fault. Be fair, what was I supposed to think?

You disappear, who do they turn to? Your boyfriend. Five times I was taken in for questioning. Five!

No evidence. Couldn't be, could there? And HER whispering round the estate, pointing the finger.

Stuff through my letterbox - all cos of you. I didn't think I'd be gone so long. And I waited for you, Rose!

12 months, waiting for you and the doctor to come back. You knew about the doctor? Why didn't you tell me?

Yeah, why not, Rose? How could I tell her where you went? Tell me now!

I might as well, cos you're stuck here. The doctor's gone. Just now, that box thing just faded away.

What d'you mean? He's left you. Some boyfriend he turned out to be.

He wouldn't just go. He promised me. Aw, he's dumped you, Rose, sailed off into space. How does it feel?

Huh? Now you are left behind with the rest of us earthlings. Get used to it! But he would've said.

What are you two chimps on about? What's going on? What's this doctor done now? Huh! He's vamoosed!

He's not! Cos he gave me this.

He's not my boyfriend, Mickey, he's better than that.

He's much more important. And he. . .

I said so!

Mum! Mum! Go inside!

Don't stand there! Go inside, Mum!

Oh, blimey.

How'd you do that, then?

OK, so I lied. I went for a look. The whole crash-landing's a fake. I thought so - just too perfect.

I mean, hitting Big Ben, come on! So I thought, "Let's go and have a look at the pilot." My mum's here.

Oh, just what I need. Don't you dare make this place domestic! You ruined my life, Doctor.

They thought she was dead. I was a murder suspect because of you. You see what I mean? Domestic!

I bet you don't even remember my name! Ricky. It's Mickey. No, it's Ricky.

I think I know my own name! THINK you know it? How stupid are you? Mum, don't! Don't go anywhere.

Don't start a fight.

Mum! It's not like that, he's not. . .

I'll be up in a minute hold on!

That was a real spaceship? Yep. So it's all a pack of lies. What is it then? Are they invading?

Funny way to invade, putting the world on red alert. Good point. So what they up to?

'. .Crisis continues. the Government shows remarkable lack of leadership, paranoia sweeps the country.

'There've been at least three reports of public assaults on people possibly identified as aliens.

'Now back to Tom Hitchinson.

'Are there more ships to come?

'And what's their intention?

'The authorities are now asking, if anyone knows anything,

'if any previous sighting has been made, then call this number.

'We need your help.'

ENGAGED TONE

ENGAGED TONE

Yes, I've seen one, I really have, an alien. And she's with him.

My daughter, she's with him and she's not safe. Oh, my God, she's not safe.

I've seen an alien and I know his name. He's called the Doctor.

It's a box, a blue box. She called it a Tardis.

So what you doing down there? Ricky. . . Mickey.

Ricky, if I was to tell you what I was doing to the controls of my frankly magnificent timeship,

would you even begin to understand? I suppose not. . .

Shut it, then.

Some friend you've got. He's winding you up.

I am sorry.

OK. I am, though.

Every day, I looked.

On every street corner, wherever I went. Looking for a blue box. For a whole year.

It's only been a few days for me.

I dunno, it's hard to tell inside this thing but I swear, it's just a few days since I left you.

Not enough time to miss me, then.

I did miss you.

I missed you.

So, um, in 12 months. . .

have you been seeing anyone else?

Nope.

OK. . . Mainly cos everyone thinks I murdered you.

Right.

So, now that you've come back. . .

are you gonna stay?

Got it!

Aha!

Patched in the radar, looped it back 12 hours so it followed the flight of that spaceship. Here we go, hold on.

Come on!

That's the spaceship on its way to Earth, see?

Except! Hold on. . .

See? The space-ship did a slingshot round the Earth before it landed.

What's that mean? It came from Earth in the first place. Went up and came back down. Whoever those aliens are,

they've been here a while. Question is, what've they been doing?

What d'you think, how's the compression? I think I've got too much ballast round the middle.

PHRRRT! Ooh, that's better!

We must fix the gas exchange. It's getting ridiculous. Oh, seems human to me. . . Better get rid of his skin.

Shame, I quite enjoyed being Oliver.

He had a wife, a mistress and a young farmer.

HE CHUCKLES

God, I was busy!

Back to work.

I have an army to command! Careful now. We're not there yet.

General Asquith. Sir, we've had a priority alarm, it's code nine, confirmed code nine.

Right. Good. Code Nine.

Which would mean. . . ?

In the event of emergency protocols being activated,

our software automatically searches all communications for keywords. And one of those words is "doctor".

I think we've found him, sir. What sort of doctor? Who is he?

Evidently, he's some sort of expert in extraterrestrial affairs - the ultimate expert! We need him, sir,

we need him here right now.

How many channels you get? All the basic packages. Sports channels?

Yes, I get the football. Hold on. I know that lot.

'. .but likely that the Government's bringing in alien-specialists,

'those people who've devoted their lives to studying outer space.'

UNIT, United Nations Intelligence Taskforce. Good people. How d'you know 'em?

Cos he's worked for them. Oh, yeah, don't think I sat on my backside for 12 months, Doctor, I read up on you.

Look deep enough on the Internet or in history books - there's his name. Followed by a list of the dead.

That's nice, good boy, Ricky(!) If you know 'em, why not go and help?

They wouldn't recognise me. I've changed a lot since the old days. Besides, the world's on a knife-edge.

There's aliens out there - and fake aliens. I wanna keep this alien out of the mix. I'm going undercover.

PING! I'd better keep the Tardis out of sight. Ricky, you've got a car,

you can drive. Where to? The roads are clearing. Let's see that ship.

'DO NOT MOVE!' SIRENS WHOOP

TROOPS YELL

ROSE!

Rose!

ON PA: Raise your hands above your heads! You are under arrest!

Take me to your leader.

.My daughter. . . !

CHATTER AND STATIC ON RADIOS

This is a bit posh! If I'd known it would be like this, being arrested, I would've done it years ago.

We're not being arrested, we're being escorted. Where to? Downing Street. Where d'you think?

You're kidding! I'm not!

10 Downing Street? That's the one! Oh, my God!

I'm going to 10 Downing Street? How come? I hate to say it, but Mickey was right.

Over the years I've visited this planet, a lot of times, and I've been. . .noticed. Now they need you.

Like it said on the news, they're gathering experts in alien knowledge. Who's the biggest expert of the lot?

Patrick Moore. Apart from him. Oh, don't you just love it(!) Ah, I'm telling you! Lloyd George,

he used to drink me under the table. Who's the Prime Minister now? How should I know? I missed a year.

PRESS PACK SHOUT QUESTIONS

(Oh, my God.)

.So she's OK, then?

She's not in any trouble? All I can say is that your daughter and her companion might be in a position

to help the country. We'll need to know how she made contact with this man. IF he is a man.

PHRRRT! Oops!

Right, off you go, then. I need to talk with Mrs Tyler on my own, thank you.

TUMMY RUMBLES

Harriet Jones, MP Flydale North.

Ladies and gentlemen, can we convene? Quick as we can please.

This way, on the right. ID cards are to be worn at all times.

Here's your ID card. I'm sorry, your companion doesn't have clearance. I don't go anywhere without her.

You're the Code Nine, not her. Now, I'm sorry, er. . .Doctor,

She'll have to stay outside. She's staying with me. Look, even I don't have clearance to go in there.

I can't let her in. That's OK. . .You go.

Excuse me, are you the doctor? . .Not now! We're busy, can't you go home? I just need a word in private. . .OK.

You haven't clearance. Leave it! .I'll leave you with security.

It's all right, I'll look after her. Let me be of some use.

Walk with me.

Just keep walking. . .

That's right, don't look round.

Harriet Jones MP, Flydale North.

'. .This friend of yours,'

.he's an expert, is that right?

He know. . H-He knows about aliens? Why d'you wanna to know?

Ladies and gentlemen. . . Attention, please? As you see from the summary, the ship had one porcine pilot.

Of course the really interesting bit happened three days ago, see? Filed away under "any other business".

The North Sea. A satellite detected a signal, a blip of radiation at 100 fathoms.

Like there's something's down there. You were just about to investigate, next thing you know, this happens.

Spaceships, pigs, massive diversion. >From what?

They turn the body into a suit, a disguise, for the thing inside. . . !

It's all right, I believe you.

It's. . . It's, alien.

But they must have some serious technology behind this. If we could find it, we could use it.

Oh, my God. Is that. . . ?

.Harriet, for God's sake! This is beyond a joke, you cannot wander. . .

Oh, my God. That's the Prime Minister.

If aliens fake an alien crash and an alien pilot, what do they get?

Us.

They get us.

It's not a diversion, it's a trap.

Oh. . .

.has someone been naughty?

It was bigger on the inside. . . I don't know! What do I know about spaceships?

That's what worries me. You see, this man is classified as trouble,

which means that anyone associated with him. . .is trouble.

And that's my job,

eliminating trouble.

But that's not possible.

He left this afternoon.

I mean, the Prime Minister left Downing Street, he was driven away.

And who told you that(? )

Hmm?

Me.

This is about us! Alien experts, the only people who know how to fight them - gathered together in one room.

PHRRRT!

'Scuse me. D'you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?

Would you rather silent but deadly?

EVIL SNIGGER

REALLY EVIL GUFFAWS

MENACING GURGLES

Grrr! Hmmm!

SLITHERY SQUELCHING

GRRR!

We are the Slitheen.

GRRR!

Thank you all for wearing your ID. cards.

They'll help to identify the bodies.

'. .Yesterday saw the start of a brave new world.'

Today might see it end.

Oi. If you want aliens, you've got 'em. They're inside Downing Street.

Planet Earth is at war.

GUNSHOT Everybody RUN!

Who exactly are Slitheen? Aliens.

I could save the world but lose you.

www.tvsubtitles.net