Original subtitles

Now, Gomez. No peeking.

I want this to be a surprise.

I can't wait!

Although I do enjoy being shrouded in darkness.

Come on, hurry up.

The dry cleaners closes in five minutes.

Now,

open your eyes.

Tish!

New cemetery furniture!

Glorious.

It's positively ghastly.

I can't wait to try it out.

You know,

you could decorate people's homes for a living.

Funny you should say that.

I've always dreamed of being an interior decorator.

Really?

I always dream I forget to study for my autopsy test.

Naked.

Tish, why not follow your heart's desire?

Think of all the homes crying out for your delicate touch.

Oh, Gomez.

Do you think I'd really dare?

Cara mia, if it's what you truly want.

By all means, do it.

Wednesday, I'm in.

I'm in already.

I know, but I'm having fun.

That's it.

Next time I'm springing for a cannon that can go the distance.

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Lurch?

Please post this outside the gate,

by the poison oak.

Yes, Mrs. Addams.

Tish, I bet your decorating service is going to be a huge success.

Oh, Gomez.

It's so nice of you to say so.

You know I've already received several responses

from the ad I placed,

in Superior Interiors.

1313 Cemetery Lane...

I'm at the right place...

Hello?

I'm just... going to go inside.

Bye!

Hello?

Hi!

I'm Jean Evans.

I...

... saw your ad, and...

Get away from me!

That's odd.

She must be allergic to bats.

The poor thing.

Cheer up, cara mia.

I'm sure you'll have better luck with your next client.

Oh, dear.

I should really have Lurch bolt the gate next time.

Fester,

the key to boxing,

is delivering short, quick abs.

And remember,

it's all in the fist!

All in the fists, you say?

I think it's more like

all in the fingertip!

Hey, Morticia.

Was that one of your clients I heard run screaming from the house?

I just don't understand it.

Maybe your clients are intimidated by the fine things in our home.

After all, not everyone can afford the lap of luxury.

They did seem a little put off by something...

Right, Gomez, right!

Maybe you should clean out one of the storage rooms.

Use that to showcase your work.

Fester, keep your hands up.

Fester's right.

Fill it with furnishings that's more in line with what the average millionaire can afford.

What a good idea!

Nice one.

Hey, Gomez.

Over here.

Easy.

Easy.

Easy.

Okay.

This way.

This way.

This way... !

This way... !

Is that everything out of the storage room?

Not quite.

I can't believe Great Aunt Shishi left us all this "priceless" furniture.

And what about that?

You got me.

Set it down anywhere, Lurch.

Come on.

Let's go get the last loadout before Gomez and Morticia return with the showroom furniture.

Crunchy.

This must be the place.

Mrs. Addams?

Mrs. Addams?

Are you here?

That is the most dazzling, rare,

French [...] period furniture I have ever seen.

Mrs. Addams?

Oh.

Exquisite!

Just exquisite.

Oh, yes.

Mrs. Addams, please?

Oh, let me see now. You could put those....

Oh, hello, Mrs. Addams!

Yes, my name is Mrs. Drysdale.

I stopped by your place today while you were out.

Now, tell me,

are those lovely furnishings I saw

representative of your work?

Shhhh!

Oh!

Excellent.

Now, please, I insist that you come over to my house right away.

Now, don't worry.

Money is no object.

I am so excited that you're going to be decorating my house.

So, any ideas?

Well.

I was thinking perhaps...

Oh, one second thought.

Don't bore me with details.

Just tell me, when can you have it done by?

I'll need about...

Say about two weeks?

I'm going away on business, I'd like the house finished by the time I get back.

I should be able to hand...

Oh, and I've telephoned Superior Interiors.

They're sending a reporter over for the unveiling.

Why, that's wonder... !

Fine!

Then, we're settled, then.

Bye-bye.

Blue.

Gomez.

Thank you for helping me with my first decorating job.

My pleasure, querida.

Although I still don't understand why all those contractors turned you down.

I know. It is if no one had asked them to tar a wall before.

Now, I thought it would be nice to bring the garden into the living room.

Not glass walls.

No.

Dirt floors.

Capital idea!

Thank you, darling.

Now, I wonder where Fester is with that bulldozer?

Coming through!

Haha!

Wow.

I never knew decorating could be such a blast.

Excellent work, Fester!

Why, I think we should take out the fourth wall in all the rooms.

Perfect.

I tell you,

nothing cuts through common household appliances like this baby.

So, do you like how I boarded up the window with bricks?

Are you kidding?

It's dark as a cavern in here.

Morticia will be so pleased.

And we still have enough bricks left over

for the windows in the master bedroom.

So, what are we waiting for?

Say,

you did use a super-strength mortar, right?

Of course.

An aircraft carrier couldn't break through that wall.

Good girl.

Wednesday?

Wednesday?

Wednesday!

Uno.

Dos.

Tres!

Thing! I'm sorry!

Thing, come back!

Darling.

I've finally decided what to do with the wine cellar.

Torch it?

No.

We already did that with the garage.

Instead, I'm going to turn it into an indoor swimming pool.

Wonderful!

Wednesday and Pugsley are flooding it right now.

Hey, boss, I finished rewiring the house.

Thank you, Fester.

Let's make sure everything's working at optimum level.

Rest assured, Morticia.

Every outlet's guaranteed to be a shocker.

Fester,

this barbed wire will be perfect for tying Mrs. Drysdale's guests to the stake.

I hope she doesn't mind that we used it once or twice, before.

No, that just makes it an antique.

Wait.

Did I leave my spackle in the playroom?

Oh, no, I know where it is.

I left it on the front porch.

Gomez, will you get the door for me?

Gomez?

There's never anyone around when I need them.

Attention, troops.

This is your final assignment.

Pugsley.

You're in charge of making sure all the electrical outlets are exposed.

You better squirt them with water to make sure they're working.

And, Wednesday,

Morticia wants you to loosen all the nails in the basement staircase.

But wouldn't it be better to loosen every other step,

and thereby lure Mrs. Drysdale into a false sense of security?

Why, Wednesday, you're absolutely right.

Go to town!

Right.

But what about Lurch?s

Morticia has him working in the garden.

Hmm.

What should I go with?

Inky black or black on black?

Tish?

I just passed by the Drysdale house

and the whole neighbourhood was outside marvellng at your sad bat gate!

Really?

Oh, Gomez.

Maybe my business will be a success, after all.

Querida.

Was there ever any doubt?

Hello.

This is Morticia.

Why, yes, everything's ready.

I look forward to seeing you.

That was Mrs. Drysdale.

She's on her way home.

Imagine the look on her face when she sees what you've done.

Mrs. Drysdale.

Welcome back.

Mrs. Addams... !

What on Earth did you do?

Did you take a jackhammer to my house?

Actually,

it was a demolition ball.

Wait until the reporter from Superior Interior sees this!

I must cancel that interview.

You've got to hand it to Fester.

He is thorough.

Yes, Superior Interiors.

I'd like to speak to that reporter John Farb, please.

Now!

John Farb, you...

... called?

Yes, I...

Mr. Farb.

My name is Janet Drysdale.

And I have to say that this is the most...

Exquisite example of post-apocalyptic deconstructionism I've ever seen.

Why, it totally epitomizes the end of Western civilization.

What?!

Mr. Farb, allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Gomez Addams,

and this is my lovely wife Morticia,

the decorator.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you!

So nice to meet you.

And it is an honour to meet you.

The darkness,

the bleakness,

the sheer hopelessness... !

Why, your work is truly an inspiration!

Why, thank you.

I couldn't agree more.

It's a masterpiece.

A masterpiece!

And look!

You'll really enjoy this.

A freshwater piranha pond.

I find it fits.

Givee a room.. a real touch!

That is why I'm featuring your work in our next issue.

Mrs. Addams...

You, are going to be a star!

Disease.

Disease.

Disease.

Disease.

Disease.

I absolutely love it~!

I'm so glad.

Although I was thinking an extra set of gallows.

Oh, don't be silly.

This home is exactly like, Mrs. Drydale's.

I wouldn't change a spiderweb!

Morticia Design, please hold.

Morticia Design, please hold.

Morticia Design, please hold.

Morticia Design, please hold.

"Hi!"

Morticia Design, please hold.

What was that? A bed of nails?

Yes, that's our special this week.

Morticia Design, please hold.

Morticia Design, please hold.

Mortici... hold!

Mor!

Hold!

Mor... hold!

I said, please hold!

Sorry, Thing.

Somehow, I don't think employment in the service industry is your forte.

So, were there any messages?

The Grahams called.

They don't want monkey skulls.

They want rock doorknobs,

just like the Drysdale's.

And the Sullivans called.

They don't want a moat.

They'd like a sinkhole,

just like the Drysdale's.

And Martha Stewart called.

She'd like a designer house.

"Just like the Dysdale's."

"Just like the Dysdale's."

You know.

It's nice to see people have the courage of other people's convictions.

Tish, I just want you to know that we're all very proud of you.

Thank you, darling.

Gomez is right.

You've made urban blight, fashionable.

And a bit predictable, I'm afraid.

Nonsense. It's just that no one wants to tamper with perfection.

Wednesday.

Out in the middle of the night without a sweater?

Good girl.

Mother, are you avoiding your work?

Why, yes.

My idol.

Actually, there's not really much work to do.

Since all my clients want the same things,

all I have to do is place a few calls and I'm done.

If you'd like,

Pugsley could place the calls for you.

Just say the word,

and I'll let him out of the dumbwaiter.

You know.

It's funny.

I always wanted to be a decorator.

And now that I am, I realize it's not what I want at all.

Like when I wanted to be a crash test dummy?

Right.

You rode up front with Uncle Fester.

The car rammed into a brick wall,

and poor Fester went flying through the windshield.

And all I got was airbag burn.

I was so disappointed.

You were?

But at least I tried to be a crash test dummy.

Otherwise, I might still be wondering...

What if?

Darling,

you're absolutely right.

Mother, Pugsley's probably run out of oxygen.

That's nice, dear.

Darling?

I have something to tell you.

Your charming sister Ophelia's coming for a visit?

No.

It's just that... well...

Well...

Morticia!

Your sign has been wrecked by common vandals.

Let me take care of it~

Ha ha!

Quick, call the police!

Have them close the city borders!

Have them shut down the air...

Darling.

I destroyed the sign.

After much thought,

I've decided to go out of business.

What?

Why?

I got tired of designing the same room, again and again.

All the creativity has gone out of my work.

But Tish, you seemed to be having so much fun.

I was, for a while.

But I proved to myself that I can be a successful designer, and that's all I really wanted.

Querida, are you sure?

Positive.

Besides,

there's only one thing I want right now.

What's that?

You.

I think that can be arranged.

Vandals?

I know you're out there, somewhere.

I'll teach you to destroy Morticia's shingle.

Why, look at that delightful crater!

You should let Fester take over your designing business.

He has such a whimsical touch.

Fester?

About that shingle...

So, querida.

Do you miss being an interior decorator?

Not at all.

In fact, I've decided to pursue a new line of work.

You're going to design jewelry?

Oui.

Tish!

That's French!

Here.

Allow me to be your first customer.

[ purrs ]

Woof.

Tish, I'm not sure.

But I think this choker may be a little too tight.

Awooo... !