Original subtitles

Hurry!

I'm gonna be late for the movie.

But it doesn't start for another hour.

Fester, you're not leaving, are you?

Cousin Pretensia will be here any minute.

Oh!

I completely forgot.

Hurry Wednesday, the fuse!

Now I admit,

she can be a touch difficult at times.

"Difficult"?

Last time ~Lady Pretensia~ was here,

she ordered everyone around, and stole all the towels.

She gives professional cheapskates a bad name.

But doesn't she have any money of her own?

She did,

but her husband Lord Wick ran through it all

before he was mauled by a pack of hyenas.

Lady Pretensia.

Noo... !

Wednesday, the fuse, the fuse!

Next time, make sure I'm pointed in the right direction, okay?

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Cousin Pretensia, welcome.

Morticia,

Gomez!

Fester.

My bags.

Mother, is her wrist broken?

Hahahaha.

I see you share your father's imperceptible sense of humour.

Oh, nice to see you again.

What he said.

Does that box contain the last head you chopped off?

Ohh, if only.

No, this box contains,

my handmaiden, Lady Fingers.

That's enough, Lady Fingers.

You may draw my bath now~

No bubbles.

When drowning someone in freezing water,

it's best to tie their hands together with rope.

Handcuffs can rust.

Children should be seen, and not heard.

House guests should be eaten and not spared.

Come, children.

Lurch!

Take Pretensia's bags upstairs.

Pretensia... !

E-L-F?

You took this from Aunt Elkie during your stay there.

Oh, I did no such thing.

I, I...

I have no idea how those things got in there.

Pretensia.

And then the Duke said that I was the...

... wittiest woman he'd ever met.

How would be he easily amused?

Of course,

Count Borgia hadn't laughed so hard since,

Princess Thelonia served those department store truffles.

I know, uh.

Let's take Pretensia...

Hmm?

Excuse me, uh, Lady Pretensia.

On a tour of the house!

Oh, but I'm so relaxed here.

But you'll be wacked...

Er...

... relaxed in the dungeon!

Oh, ah, well.

Oh, speaking of dungeons... !

Lord Rothner had a dungeon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Where did I put those ear plugs?

I do believe Thing has a new lady love.

Where's my breakfast?

In a minute... !

It feels like Pretensia has been here forever.

I guess she can be a bit demanding.

But deep down, she's really...

... not very considerate of others.

I'm hungry... !

Lurch. .

Please take this upstairs to Pretensia.

Lurch.

What a pain in the pa... toot!

I can't wait,

till she's gone.

I knew.

It appears the only one who's enjoying her visit is Thing.

Well.

This is fun.

Mama, keep it down.

You don't want Pretensia to find us.

Morticia?

Has Pretensia mentioned anything about,

well,

you know...

Leaving?

I'm afraid not.

I'm not even sure she has another place to go.

I hear the streets are nice, this time of year.

Where is everybody?

Aha!

Sorry, ma'am.

Maximum capacity.

You're absolutely right.

I am so glad I found all of you.

Isn't this cozy?

Pretensia, no!

That's the emergency break!

Oh, no.

We're stuck.

Oh, well! Here we all are~

Let's get rid of that.

Did I ever tell you about the time

that I was stuck on a chairlift with Princess Daphne?

Oh, you'll find it quite fascinating.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

"Lady", my foot!

Shhhhh.

Gomez.

Tish.

We can't go on looking like this.

It's like we're under house arrest!

Only this time it's not fun.

Oh, great.

Here comes the warden.

You know,

if I weren't so absolutely, fabulously charming,

I might think you people were all trying to avoid me.

Why would we do that?

Unless you bored us to death with your ceaseless name-dropping and mindless gossip.

You know, this dungeon, I really must say,

cannot compare to the Earl of Devilshire's.

And these instruments of torture, my dear,

are just not up to snuff.

... not even the electric chair?

Oh, I've been to Alcatraz.

Now, there is a chair.

You probably couldn't even perm hair with this toy.

Mama, no!

Gomez, do something!

Stop, Mama. Stop.

Stop, Fester. Stop.

I'll take that.

... Ow!

And that.

Oh, what?

I can certainly take a hint.

You don't have to chop me up twice.

Huh!

You...

You...

Neanderthals.

Sure.

Now she lays on the compliments.

Pretensia, wait.

Lady!

Lady Pretensia.

I admit Fester and Mama can be a bit...

... exuberant.

"Exuberant"?

They're damn right!

Rude, ill-bred and...

... silly.

Silly?

Thing!

Yuck.

Ugh!

Please.

Morticia, please!

Why don't...

Lighten up!

There, Morticia! Just save your breath!

Pretensia, please don't leave...

No, no, no!

No, nonono.

I would rather stay in a...

... motel.

We hope you don't mind, but we took the liberty of helping you pack.

Our bathroom towels are in the black suitcase.

I shall send for my things~

Including the towels.

Pretentia, wait.

Morticia,

did Pretensia leave?

I'm afraid so.

Roses always add so much to a room.

Darling, Fester.

Did you manage to coax Thing out of his cigarbox?

I'm afraid not, querida.

Oh, dear.

He's been in there for a week.

I know, but he simply refuses to come out!

Nothing worked.

We shaked him,

we baked him,

we tried everything.

Fester.

Gomez.

I've given it a lot of thought,

and I'm afraid there's only one thing we can do.

Oh, no.

Morticia, you can't.

Think of the children.

Think of Lurch.

Think of me.

I'm sorry.

But we must make the ultimate sacrifice for Thing.

We must invite Lady Pretensia.

Back.

Noooooooooo!

Lady Pretensia.

Thank you so much for agreeing to give the family a second chance,

after our abysmal behaviour.

Well, you know me, I love to give people second chances.

To grovel.

Now.

Grovel?

Grovel, grovel, grovel~

We're sorry.

Lady Pretensia.

Lurch! My bags.

Why don't I take your handmaiden into the living room

while you freshen up from your trip?

Oh, thank you, my dear. Yes, I could use a little rest.

You know, it's so exhausting being an in-demand house guest.

I can't wait to read the expression on Thing's palm!

Thing, you have a visitor~

That's not Lady Fingers.

Oh, Morticia, my dear.

Where do you keep your tiara polish?

Oh, that'd be on the top shelf next to the throne fluffer.

Oh.

I'll send Lurch out for some later.

By the way,

where is Lady Fingers?

Oh, my dear.

I had to let her go.

After our last...

... horrendous stay here,

she just became so listless she couldn't even give a proper foot massage.

Scandalous.

I know.

Well, fortunately, I'm very lucky to have my new handmaiden, Mrs. Scratch.

She came very highly recommended by the Duke of Isiber.

Oh, the poor Duke.

You know, he could be rather attractive

if only he would get that ear pinned back.

And maybe a good...

I can't believe your mother made us promise not to torture Lady Dementia.

I know.

I tried to talk some sense into her,

but you know parents.

Let's just hope this megawatt alarm with dual-prodding'll

keep Pretensia in her room for a month or two.

Oh, no.

Here comes Mother and Father!

Fester, children.

Is that an Electroshock 600 alarm I see?

Maybe.

It's a nice thought.

Actually, it's a very nice thought.

Oh, alright.

Come on, kids.

Morticia!

I've been robbed!

Oh...

Lady Pretensia, you must be mistaken.

No one in the household would steal your jewels.

Morticia's right.

They'd only remind us of you.

Sorry.

Nonsense.

I believe I know who stole them.

There.

There's your thief, right there.

You're not implying that Thing stole your jewels!

Lady Pretensia, I demand an apology this instant.

Fine.

I'm so sorry that Thing stole all my jewels.

You must be mistaken.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Oh.

He's probably hitchhiking his little way

right down to a pawn shop, even as we speak.

Now I'm afraid you've gone too far.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Well, I've never been so insulted in all my...

Gomez.

Lady Pretensia.

I think I know who the true culprit is.

Oh, no, that's impossible.

She doesn't have a dishonest bone in her whole...

... hand.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

... just get this and...

There's your thief.

My wallet!

Must be a mistake.

Oh, yeah?

My silver!

Your bank statement.

Oh, give me that.

Gimme gimme gimme gimme....

What did you know?

Gimme that, gimme that, gimme that...

According to this,

you're worth $150 million!

Lady Pretensia!

Wait, if you're so rich, why are you such a shameless freeloader?

How do you think I got to be so rich?

Oh!

I'll be right back!

Uncle Gimp.

My favorite pastime:

Revenge.

Once Lady Pretensia's relatives see this,

her couch-surfing days are over!

Thing?

Are you out here?

Lady Fingers, you came back!

Lady Pretensia, I think it's wonderful you're sailing around the world.

And on a... tug boat, no less.

Well, I had to go somewhere,

after Fester, had his little holiday with the fax machine,

no one will take me in anymore.

Good old Fester.

No sense of fair play.

Lady Fingers, oh, please come back to work for me.

I'll give you...

... a ten percent raise.

Twelve percent, but that's my final offer.

Fine, you can bring Mr. Thing, too.

Excellent!

Then it's all set.

I'll go and book for three.

For steerage.

Ta-ta.

Wait!

Thing doesn't want to go.

He wants to stay.

With his family.

How sweet.

He says he'll wait for her until she gets back.

Oh.

Look.

They're engaged!

Isn't love grand?

Yes, darling.

Hey!

Have you seen my mega bomb?

I left it in the linen closet. Now it's gone?

Cousin Pretensia...

Alright!

I have a thing... for terrycloth.

Look, Tish.

Mail's in.

Thank you, Thing.

Oh look, a postcard from Pretensia!

How can you tell?

There's postage, too.

Oh, how sweet.

She met someone, an Earl Windsor!

Unfortunately, she married him before she realized Earl wasn't a title,

just a name.

Just as long as she's miserable.

[ croaks like a frog ]

Tish.

That bullfrog drives me wild.

Mon cher...

French, even wilder!

Tish, was that your vulture cry?

Oui, mon cher.

Querida...

Awoooo... !