Original subtitles

Yesterday, my teacher wanted us to dissect a frog.

And I said, why?

And she said, well, because you have to.

And then I said, why can't we dissect anything interesting?

And then...

No, wait.

Did I tell you about the gum?

Take your time, son.

First, Miss Ferris asked me if I was chewing gum.

And then...

Oh, wait.

Did I tell you about the fire drill?

First, there was a fire drill.

Then Miss Ferris asked me if I was chewing gum.

And then...

... waaah!

Another pointless story by Pugsley Adams.

Like you're so interesting.

Compared to you, I'm a rollercoaster ride through fire.

Well, I could keep from talking longer than you could if I really wanted to.

Don't get my hopes up.

I mean it.

Loser does the winner's chores for a week.

You're on.

What?

Can we start over?

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Can't sleep.

Maybe a little exercise will tire me out.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Did I wake you?

That's alright.

I had to get up anyway.

Why?

Because I was on the floor, darling.

Oh.

Right.

Is something wrong, Gomez?

I can't sleep.

Must be this blasted insomnia.

Have you tried counting wolverines?

Why, is there one missing?

I've heard that it sometimes helps when a person has trouble sleeping.

Really?

Or maybe you'd like to try a little warm musk ox milk.

I did.

In fact, I went up and down the stairs so many times

I finally decided to just warm up the musk ox and bring her up here.

Darling, I'm afraid that's it.

The musk ox is dry.

Aww.

Do we have anything else around here that lactates?

No.

But there is one other thing we could try.

Invisibility...

Insanity...

Insects?

Ah.

Here it is.

Insomnia.

Pass me that bottle, you.

A little tarantula.

And a dash of exploding powder.

Try this.

Doesn't look very refreshing.

It's a potion, not a milkshake.

I don't think it's working.

I don't feel very...

My night off.

Lunchtime~

That's odd.

How did Gomez's bedroom slippers get mud all over them?

En garde, you rapscallion!

Haha!

Good morning, my dear.

I must say, Mama's potion was just the ticket.

I don't know when I've slept so well.

Oh?

Still, you didn't... wake up at all? Or go anywhere... ?

Are you kidding?

I slept like the dead!

So.

What's for breakfast?

Breakfast?

Darling, it's nearly two in the afternoon.

By George, so it is!

Well then, what's for lunch?

That's odd, too.

I don't recall ever seeing that Pocketwatch, before.

Hmm.

Gomez's stocks aren't doing very well.

Consolidated bilge, and international muck are both down only ten points.

Don't worry. I'm sure they'll both drop ten today.

Oh my.

It says here there's a cat burglar in the neighbourhood.

It's just an expression, kitty cat. You're perfectly safe.

The suspect strikes between the hours of two and four a.m.

Seems to have an extensive knowledge of valuable jewelry and art.

No.

It couldn't be.

How did Gomez's bedroom slippers get mud all over them?

So you didn't wake up at all, or go anywhere?

Are you kidding? I slept like the dead.

I'm just imagining things.

Among the stolen items are a black pearl necklace,

a diamond pendant,

and a priceless antique pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Pocketwatch.

Stop it.

Sorry.

Gomez... ?

The cat burglar... ?

Why would Gomez steal?

He has more money than he'll ever need,

and he's always been the soul of honesty.

Oh, this is crazy.

Gomez couldn't possibly be.

... The Cat Burglar!

Here you are, son.

You're welcome.

I'm so proud of the children.

Starting this petty squabble for no apparent reason.

And sticking with it to the point where it's become absolutely ridiculous!

They're Addams, alright!

Don't you think so, Tish?

Tish?

I'm sorry. Did you say something?

He said,

the children are petty and ridiculous.

Well, what do you say, children?

Oh, ally-oop!

Did Morticia seem a little strange to you at dinner?

How so?

Well, she barely said a word. She didn't eat a bite.

She stared at me the whole time,

and she didn't seem to hear anything I said to her.

Huh?

That was close.

You could have hurt me!

He's at it, again!

I have to see this with my own eyes.

I don't get it.

Why would a happily married woman,

put on a disguise,

and sneak out of the house in the middle of the night?

Ohhh...

You must be mistaken, old man.

She was with me when I fell asleep.

And she was right there this morning when I woke up.

Eight hours later.

During which time I was fast asleep.

See? I told you.

But why would a happily married woman,

put on a disguise,

and sneak out of the house in the middle of the night?

Ohhh.

I dressed all-black, in disguise, and snuck out of the house.

I followed him for a while,

but I lost him outside the graves of our funeral parlour.

Let's just hope there's no new loot in there.

Just what I was afraid of.

Gomez was cat burgling in his sleep again, last night.

When she sees this doll,

she's bound to start screaming.

Hey, Gomez, did you manage to straighten things out with Morticia?

Not yet.

How do I walk up to the woman I love,

The very reason for my existence,

and say, oh, by the way,

are you sneaking out at night for a secret rendezvous?!

Rendezvous... ?

That's French.

And I have nothing to kiss.

Says here that the cat burglar stuck again last night.

What?

Not only is my wife sneaking around late at night,

but she's doing it while there's a dangerous criminal on the loose!

Unless!

... she's sneaking around with the dangerous criminal that's on the loose.

I'll shut up now.

Wow.

I'll say.

Where did all this come from?!

It says here that the cat burglar stole a painting,

some jewelry,

and a priceless 18th century handthrown vase.

Well, I'm glad somebody had a good night.

Look!

A painting, some jewelry,

and a priceless 18th century handthrown vase!

So?

Don't you see?

Morticia didn't sneak out of the house to meet another man.

She snuck out of the house to rob people... !

Of course!

Huh?

Morticia is the Cat Burglar!

So she's not cheating on me?!

No.

My wife's the Cat Burglar!

Woohoo!

Ohhh.

So, Morticia's the Cat Burglar.

It's nice to see women moving into fields formerly dominated by men.

But why would Morticia steal?

I've always given her everything she's ever wanted.

I've even given her a whole lot of things she didn't want!

Maybe she did it for some other reason.

You mean she's a kleptomaniac?

Could be.

Or she could be one of those people that can't help stealing.

Well, until we find out, we'll just have to make sure she doesn't sneak out again.

We'll have to make sure he doesn't sneak out again.

... if it's keeping you awake?

Actually, darling, I'm not the least bit tired.

But you go to sleep if you want to.

No, thanks.

Oh.

Well.

Right then, darling.

Ready to call it a night, Tish?

I think I'll knit a while longer.

But don't let me keep you up.

Oh.

You're not.

Oh.

Well, good.

I think I'll just...

My...

Are you sure this is going to work?

I got the plans out of Fester's Popular Surveillance magazine.

Now,

I installed the infrared beam here,

so that if Gomez tries to sneak out,

it triggers the alarm

when he opens the door.

I think you must have put it in backwards.

And then the giant net will drop right on her.

It breaks my heart to think of my darling Morticia

trapped in a net, like a big fat tuna.

Well, better trapped in a net,

than trapped in a cell down in county jail.

Gomez?

Tish?

But I thought you... !

If you're not... ?

Then, who... ?

There's gotta be a way out of here.

Goddamnit!

You thought I... ?

But I thought you!

The Cat Burglar!

I thought it was you.

Well, I thought it was her.

Why would you think it was me?

Because you've been sneaking out of the house at night.

She's the one who's been sneaking out.

She was following him.

Well, how do you explain that secret room full of jewelry and art?

You rang?

Lurch!

This is all yours, Lurch?

But where'd you get it?

Poker.

Excuse me?

Poker.

Won big.

We can see that.

I didn't know you played Poker.

Used to work Vegas.

Wait a minute.

This still doesn't explain where you got that new pocketwatch from.

You mean this?

This is just a loaner while mine is still in the shop!

I can't believe you thought I was the Cat Burglar!

The Cat Burglar!?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Get me out of here... !

Police headquarters?

Hello, Sergeant?

Gomez Addams, here.

I just wanted to let you know.

We caught your cat burglar.

Oh, dear.

I forgot to make an opening for your head.

It's alright.

Just the way I like it.

Nice and suffocating~

Ah, Tish.

Simple family moments like this make me wonder

how I ever could have thought you were a cat burglar!

I guess sometimes our imaginations get the better of us.

After all, ordinary middle class life can get a trifle humdrum

Why, Wednesday.

It's not like you could play with cannons.

It certainly is quiet around here since the children stopped speaking to one another.

So lovely to know they've inherited the Addams stubbornness.

Never!

I win.

Wednesday?

Have a nice trip.

They've also inherited the Addams family sense of fair play.

Awoooo... !