Original subtitles

Hey, Gomez... !

Why don't you try my cannon?

I promise it's much more effective.

Well, why not?

Perfect strike!

I told you so.

And I think Lurch is worth an extra 10 points.

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Haha!

En garde!

Can't you even fight back?

Haha!

Now that's more like it!

Gotcha!

That fly's been following me around for days.

Pugsley's insecurity blanket is coming along, nicely.

It's going to give him so many nightmares.

Mail.

Thank you, Lurch.

Mama!

There's a package for you from Lizzie Borden Books.

Oh, goody!

The Heart of Darkness.

And it's still beating!

Fester?

Here's a bill from the Bomb of the Month Club.

Can you believe it?

The last batch of dynamite they sent me was defective.

Every stick blew up in my face.

I'm ordering five more boxes.

What's this?

Why, Gomez, your life insurance policy's been cancelled.

Querida, why?

It seems that shark feeding trip to the Bermuda Triangle was deemed too much of a risk.

Cowards!

Well, no matter.

I don't plan on dying anytime soon.

Hmm. Now who's going to follow me around all day?

24 doors slammed in my face already, today.

Why not go for 25?

Gomez, Fester.

Look what I found shuffling away from the house.

Mr. Fielding.

Greetings!

What brings you to our humble abode?

I sell insurance.

Gomez, isn't this a stroke of good luck?

Well, don't buy anything until you hear his sales pitch.

Capital idea, Fester.

Now then, fine sir.

What type of insurance are you selling?

Life insurance.

Which you probably don't need unless you don't have any now,

but chances are you do.

Sorry to bother you.

Why, is that your sales pitch, Mr. Fielding?

Uhh, yes, uh, that's it.

In a nutshell, you could say.

O-Of course, it, it changes each time.

A little.

How do you expect to sell anything with a presentation like that?

No energy!

No fireworks!

Someone needs to show you how.

Go ahead, Mr. Fielding.

Open the door.

Good afternoon!

I have a simple question.

Do you care about your family's quality of life?

Yes.

And are you cognizant of the many dangers that lurk inside your very home?

Much less the outside world?

I think so.

Fire?

Flood?

Tornado attack?

Heart attack?

Help us to help you

protect your future!

If nothing else moves you,

think of your children?

The children?

Of course!

Please, sell me some life insurance. Where do I sign?

Now my children will have a future... !

Wait a minute, I...

I don't have any children.

I'm not even married.

Wow.

They're good.

Mr. Fielding, I think what you lack is confidence.

Only because I'm not any good.

Trust me, all you need is one big sale to get your motor running.

That's why I've decided to buy my life insurance from you.

Mr. Addams?

I, I don't know what to say!

I haven't sold a policy since I started, uh, two years ago!

Y-You don't know how happy you've made me.

I hope you live to be a hundred.

Oh, don't worry about Gomez.

He came from good stock.

He's going to be around for a long, long time.

Please, somebody!

Somebody help help Mr. Addams!

Gotcha.

May this be the first of many big sales, young man.

Hello, boss.

Guess what?

I finally landed my first account,

and it's a big one.

"Congratulations! Who is it?"

Gomez Addams.

"What!?"

"Are you completely insane?"

"Do you know what that will do to us!?"

Fielding gone?

Yes, dear.

But he's returning tomorrow to check up on you.

I hope he doesn't decide you're too much of a risk like the others.

Me? A risk?

Why, I'm as stable as the Rocket Gibraltar!

Now, Mr. Addams, remember.

I want to observe your normal day.

Just pretend I'm not here.

Well,

I'll try.

Excuse me, you're just... reading the paper?

I like to start each day with the obituary column.

It puts me in the right frame of mind.

I have to say, Mr. Addams,

I'm thrilled to see that you're just as safe as the next man.

Enjoying a morning of relaxed reading.

Well,

I'm not just reading.

I'm actually playing a game of ambush with my brother Fester.

Ambush?

It's a little game we came up with when we were schoolboys.

You know, to pass the time while in class.

Good eyes, Fielding!

No fair, Gomez.

You had help.

Mr. Addams,

I'm concerned for your well-being.

That, uh, "game" you were playing with your brother seemed,

well, extremely dangerous!

Well, with Fester, it's all fun and games.

Although, I do appreciate you looking out for me.

Gomez,

where do you want these grenades?

In my room, please, Mama.

Okay.

There's, there's no pin.

Congratulations, old man.

You really know how to take a hit.

Mr. Addams, I, I'm not sure you're even aware

of the danger you put yourself in everyday... !

Nonsense!

Without a little excitement, a man can grow old too fast, don't you think?

Good work, Fielding!

I see you found another one of Fester's traps.

Fester?

Fester?

Tighter.

Give me a light.

Mr. Addams!

You've got to stop this.

You're, you're living in a death trap.

Fielding, flattery will get you everywhere!

You don't understand.

You almost died three times today alone.

Only three?

I've been below average lately.

Fielding, dangerous is part of what makes an Addams an Addams!

You want to take a few chances yourself, Fielding.

You know,

live a little!

Stare death in the face.

Just don't breathe in. He's got terrible halitosis.

Mr. Addams,

to land this account, I, I promise nothing would happen to you.

Won't you even consider slowing down a bit?

Fielding? I wouldn't change for anyone in the world.

Except my sweet Morticia.

And she loves me just the way I am!

Right.

Your sewet Morticia...

Excuse me, Mrs. Addams.

Um, may I come in?

Certainly, Mr. Fielding.

I was just misting my plants.

Their leaves turn a lovely shade of brown when they're poisoned.

Right. Look, there's some, something I must discuss with you.

It's about your husband's heart.

His poor, weak heart.

Unless he radically changes his current lifestyle,

I'm afraid something terrible will happen.

Why be afraid?

So nice to have something to look forward to.

... Yeah.

Mrs. Addams, listen to me.

If your husband doesn't stop his crazy activities

of playing with explosives, weapons,

Fester,

he will die in six months.

Dear Gomez...

His pride has prevented him from admitting his condition to anyone, especially you.

So y-you must keep this confidential.

Please,

convince Mr. Addams to give up his harmful ways.

Of course I will.

I must.

It's for his own good.

Haha!

What's the matter, old man?

Can't keep up with my lighting-fast delivery!?

Take that, you scoundrel!

Mon cher...

Tish, that's French!

Sweet, fearless Gomez.

You would do anything for me, wouldn't you?

For you, my darling.

Anything.

Walk on fiery coals.

Run into oncoming traffic.

Even appear on the Jerry Springer Show.

Last weekend was fun, wasn't it?

But, Gomez.

What I want now is for you to change.

Promise me you'll banish all violence and stress from your life.

Darling, Morticia, you must be delirious with fever!

Please, have a seat!

Gomez, I'm serious!

Mr. Fielding is right, you take too many chances.

And I want you by my side, forever.

You've thrown your last dagger,

wrestled your last tiger and chased your last mailman.

You wish, is my desire~!

This is for the best, Mrs. Addams.

Yes, I'm sure you're right.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Goodbye.

Come on, Pugsley.

Let's play Hangman.

Don't be such a baby.

You need something, Gomez?

Oh, uh. Just a blanket for my legs, my darling.

Marco!

Polo!

Polo!

Marco!

Polo!

Polo!

Marco!

Polo!

Polo!

Marco!

Polo!

Polo!

Marco!

Polo!

Polo!

I know you must be tempted to go outside with Fester and the children.

It's always so much fun when Wednesday and Pugsley sink down your brother's level.

I'm happy to stay inside, Morticia, just as I promised you.

No more overstimulation for me. I'm through taking risks.

Sorry, Thing. No cards.

I might get a papercut.

I'll check on dinner.

I'll take a nap.

Very good.

A nap.

Here you are.

Gomez, dinner's almost ready.

Are you feeling alright?

Of course.

A sedentary man is a healthy man.

Then you will live a long, long life.

Mon cher.

Come to me, Gomez.

S'il vous plaît?

Tish.

I think I need another nap.

Gomez!

I'm speaking French to you.

I know.

I'm just a little tired.

You've never been tired, before.

Gomez, what's wrong?

The sparkle in your eyes. It's gone.

What can I tell you?

And your mustache.

It's turning grey.

Why, you're aging before my very eyes... !

These things happen.

Not to the man I married.

This is like an experiment gone wrong.

Only this time I'm not enjoying it!

By restricting you from stress and danger,

I destroyed the thing that made you you.

?

Wha? Wh - wh - what's that?

Darling!

Go back to the way you were.

Jump out a window. Shoot an apple off my head. Light the bed on fire. Anything!

Oh...

It's preventive medicine, Pugsley.

We don't want you to get rabies.

Hey, you two!

You better not let your father see you play like that, or he'll make you stop.

Because it's "too dangerous~"

What a sissy!

Fester, Mama.

I need your help.

My darling Gomez is aging before his time, and it's all my fault.

Your fault?

I wanted him to live to a ripe old age.

So I told him he had to give up danger, permanently.

Give up danger. What are you trying to do, kill him?

Of course not.

You see,

Gomez has a terribly weak heart.

No, he doesn't.

Gomez has the heart of a 20 year old track star.

Fester's right.

I performed the surgery myself.

Oh, dear.

Let's see.

No physical exertion.

Extended violence deprivation.

Gomez's inner vitality is disappearing.

What can we do?

The only way we can bring Gomez back,

is with a shock to the system.

We must create an environment of extreme danger, to wake him up!

Let's ambush him.

All at once!

Well, it's for his own good.

And we might get a kick out of it, too.

Coming, just a minute.

Oh, okay, oh...

Oh, Fielding!

Come on in, sonny!

Care for a butterscotch?

Uhh, no thank you.

Mr. Addams, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Huh?

My boss simply won't honour the policy that we set up for you.

Ohh.

He doesn't believe that you've changed.

I, I, I did my best.

I, I'm sorry.

Well, what are you gonna do?

At least we got some peace and quiet around here.

Gomez Addams,

we want you back the way you were.

Oh, boy.

If any of the old you still exists,

please come back to us!

Let her... rip!

Mama, it worked... !

Gomez is back.

Indeed I am, querida!

Yippee!

Welcome back.

Here you go, Father!

I, I, I don't believe it.

You're alive!

Mr. Addams, if you can survive that boulder,

you can survive anything.

Now.

I, I've got an idea.

I'll open my own insurance company

and ensure your whole family, huh?

Tish?

Mr. Fielding, you lied to me about Gomez's health.

I appreciate that in a person.

Consider yourself our new insurance broker.

Thanks!

And hey,

maybe you folks will rub off on me?

I might start taking a few more chances myself, huh?

Hey... !

Uh. Mr. Fielding?

Yes, Fester?

The pin is out of that grenade.

At last,

things are back to normal around here.

Well, it's nice to know we're all insured now.

Though I doubt any of us will be collecting on a policy anytime soon.

We're all as healthy as horses.

We should be.

We eat enough of them.

Oh, Gomez.

We've all seen your choking impression, before.

Really, darling.

You should get a new routine.

This may be all just in my mind,

but I think he's really choking.

If he were choking, we'd know,

because he'd be turning green.

Oh, my.

Darling!

Father!

Gomez!

... Gomez?

Haha!

Hmm?

Gotcha!

Awoooo... !