Original subtitles

Oh, no!

They're back!

The scary costumes.

Those horrifying voices!

Oh, Gomez.

What has this world come to?

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a happy new year ♪

Ahhh, ohhh!

♪ Good tidings we bring to you and your King ♪

Ughhhh!

Eughhhhhh!

Urghhhhhhh... !

I've never heard such a racket!

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

Not the most humiliating jingle jingle of the bell... !

The bell!

The bells... !

Oh, Tish, does this mean everyone's going to be cheering

and playing visions of sugarplums,

dancing in their head?

I'm afraid so darling.

It's Christmas time again.

♪ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la~ ♪

♪ Troll the ancient... ♪

Whoa!

Whoa... !

Something tells me this is going to be a Christmas to remember!

Haha!

Ah, Missy Allure.

You dare to trifle with me?

My name is Addams.

Gomez Addams.

I knew I'd nail you.

Ah, the floor of love!

Under which two souls unite with a kiss.

And here comes the object of my affections now.

You can't hide now, Tish!

Kiss me! it's tradition!

Geez, Gomez!

Can't you tell the difference between Morticia and me?

I can, now.

And, might I add.

Vive la différence!

Now cut that out!

And the French doesn't work with me either.

Somebody's under the poison sumac~!

What's the matter with everybody?

As soon as Christmas comes around,

the whole world gets kissy face.

It's depressing.

If you'll excuse me,

I'm wanted in the Death Row chatroom.

Don't move, carina.

Suddenly, I feel the holiday spirit stirring within me.

I think what you feel is the holiday eggnog, darling.

It's past its expiration date.

No, it is neither.

My only intoxicant is you, cara mia.

That's sweet, Gomez.

But have you forgotten?

We've got wrapping to do.

Oh, Missy Allure.

You may have won this one,

but I'll be back.

And when I do,

you'll be shaken, not stirred.

Ooh.

Once again, you've outdone yourself!

Where did you ever find all these treasures?

The Deaddie Bauer catalogue, of course.

I suppose we should start by making two separate piles for the children.

Capital idea!

Chainsaw?

That would be Wednesday's.

Hmm.

I believe the shield is for Pugsley.

Look at this.

An elegant little lighter.

Great spark!

Who gets this?

It was for Lurch,

but I'm afraid the surprise has been ruined.

Not to mention his clothes.

Present for you.

Oh?

I wonder who this is from?

Darling, you're so impetuous.

Thanks a lot, Fester!

Gomez.

Now, querida.

I want you to close your eyes,

and I don't want you to open them until I tell you.

But Gomez, we don't have time to play.

Oh, querida.

I think you're gonna find

that I really outdid myself this year.

Now, stand over here.

Open your eyes.

What do you think, querida?

A true fire hazard... !

C'est merveilleux.

Tish, that's French!

Come on, Pugsley.

Children.

Wherever did you find such

frightening artifacts?

All over the neighborhood.

Pathetic.

It appears vandals have struck again.

At Christmas time, no less.

Don't worry.

These eyesores will darken our neighborhood, no more.

Addams' residence?

Gomez, here.

Yes?

Oh, I see.

Don't worry about a thing. We'll take care of it right away.

Who was it, dear?

Just the neighbors.

Very thoughtful, actually.

They suggest that we spend the holidays in a really warm place.

How kind.

Indeed.

They even said they'd press charges against Wednesday and Pugsley,

unless they return all those ghastly items they found around town.

Oh, dear.

We better tell the children.

Too late.

Can't believe the neighbours are gonna sue us

if we don't give back all this junk.

And I can't believe you wrote a letter to Santa Claus.

You could have at least sent a stink bomb.

Hey, there's Santa now.

What makes you think that's Santa Claus?

The red suit?

The hat?

And the big sign that says "Santa"?

Dear brother,

your lack of cynicism will put you in an early grave.

Lucky you.

Hey, Santa!

Well, come on up here and tell Santa your name.

I'm Pugsley Addams, Santa, sir.

So, son, what can Santa bring you this year?

Uh, video games? Or, uh.

A new bicycle?

Didn't you read my letter?

I want a new bulletproof vest.

Ah, right. Of course.

To ward off the big, bad bank robbers and gun fighters.

No, to ward off my sister Wednesday.

Now, surely you're,

you're not implying that your sister shoots at you?

Not always.

Sometimes she just chases me with butcher knives.

Your little brother has

quite a sense of humor, doesn't he?

Not my knowledge.

You... shoot, and stab him?

Of course.

I love him.

Now children, it's,

it's not nice to tease Santa Claus.

When setting Santa's beard on fire,

it's best to use a blowtorch.

Matches can burn your fingers.

Santa's going to, uh... take a little break.

I hope they're hiring at the Gap... !

Santa's... a fake.

What do we have here?

A high-tech, compact flamethrower

for the children to play with?

Actually, darling.

That gift is for you, from me.

Why, I'm overwhelmed with curiosity!

Good.

Darling, you have to wait till Christmas to open it.

Promise?

... Okay, I promise.

Now, help me decorate the tree.

I think we're finally ready for Aunt Gristle.

Perfect!

She always did like to keep an eye on the festivities.

Speaking of festivities,

did you happen to see little Pugsley's face when he got back from the mall?

He seemed depressed and forlorn.

Thank goodness.

For a moment, I was beginning to think something might be wrong.

You don't suppose he watched that gruesome,

It's a Wonderful Life, again?

Impossible.

I had Fester install a parental control lock on the television.

Hmm.

Maybe we should go see where the trouble is.

Pugsley, son?

We know you're upset.

Why, your sister told us you wouldn't even come out for a game of electrocution.

Pugsley, you cannot stay in there forever.

Why not?

If there isn't a Santa,

there's no reason to go on.

Pugsley, darling, of course there's a Santa Claus.

Oh, yeah?

You tell that to the fat man at the Gap!

Gomez.

Ahhh, Tish... !

I was just, uh...

... making sure everything was okay.

Oho, look!

Here's my present to you.

Darling, you used my favourite!

Black wrapping paper.

Ah, ah, ah!

You can't open it until Christmas~

Of course, darling.

Have you forgotten?

I'm not the impetuous one.

I, um.

I'm just gonna go make sure that the children left the, uh, front door unlocked.

I'll just go...

... put the mice in their traps.

Good idea.

Come here, my impetuous darling.

Perfect.

Perfect!

Perfect~!

Don't be such a Grinch, Lurch!

Don't you know that living Christma trees

are all the rage this year?

Not so sure how much you qualify,

but we'll have fun trying.

Well, here it goes.

I don't know.

It doesn't really say holiday cheer to me.

That's more like it!

Perfect!

Hahaha!

Well, what do you think?

Fun.

Haha!

Oh, what's shaking, Wednesday?

Apparently Lurch.

Oh, right.

So.

Are you going to help me ice the sidewalks for the carolers tonight?

Actually, I'm here because I'm concerned about Pugsley.

He's losing his faith in Santa Claus, and now he won't come out of the dumbwaiter.

Well, I'm losing my faith, too.

Every time I ask for a Scud missile, what do I get?

Letters from the government.

But what if Pugsley goes into a tailspin depression forever?

I'll lose my favorite plaything.

Your brother can be so selfish, sometimes.

Pugsley just has to see Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.

If only we knew someone who was big,

an - and round,

and able to fit into a Santa suit.

Ohhhh, no!

Hey! You're Santa!

Uh-oh.

I'm not really who you think I am...

Mommy, it's Santa, look!

No.

Mom and Dad, look everybody, it's Santa!

I'm.

As a matter of fact, I am.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, Santa. That's "ho ho ho."

Oh, right.

Ho ho ho!

Santa!

Don't you want to hear what I want for Christmas?

Yeah, I'd like to, but

Santa's in a bit of a hurry.

It's Christmas Eve, you know.

Oh, please, Santa, please?

Oh, alright.

But make it quick.

The elves bill by the hour.

♪ Five bathtub rings... ♪

♪ Four psycho killers, three hand grenades, two smoking guns... ♪

♪ And a vulture near a dead body~ ♪

Come down, Pugsley.

The festivities have just begun!

We're about to sing your favourite,

Cat Tubs Roasting on an Open Fire!

Any luck?

No.

And I tried everything to force him out of the dumbwaiter.

Wednesday even piped in show tunes.

Well, how's he gonna see Fester?

I mean, Santa Claus,

if he's hiding up in his room?

Where is Fester, anyway?

I don't know, but I'm starting to get worried.

Whatever could be holding him up.

I want a basketball, a baseball bat, a baseball mitt, and a really cool video game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you, Santa!

Ow!

Oww, you little... !

I mean, Merry Christmas!

Ohh, what do you want?

... a piano!

I want a telescope...

Ho ho ho!

Hold still, Thing!

This gift,

is a real...

... toughie.

Oh, behave yourself!

Gomez, I'm worried.

I really think you should do something.

I couldn't agree with you more.

Gomez!

Gomez!

I can't help it, Tish.

The curiosity is just

gnawing away at my very soul.

Feels kind of nice, actually.

Darling, I'm concerned about Pugsley.

Pugsley. Right.

It's apparent Fester has been delayed.

Probably just dropping gifts off at the morgue.

Gomez!

I'm afraid the time has come to tell Pugsley the truth, about Santa Claus.

Pugsley, lad.

You're growing up now.

Well, there are a few things about the world you need to know.

If this is about the birds and the bees...

What about the birds and the bees?

I'll tell you when you're a little older.

We have to talk about Santa Claus.

You mean that big, fat, red faker?

Oh, Pugsley.

You see, son.

The thing about Santa Claus is...

He's running a little late tonight.

And well...

He's here!

He's here!

Pugsley!

Pugsley, son, come on!

Come on, son! He's here!

Ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

Ho ho ho!

This fire is hot...

Here they are!

Say what you will, Fester can still make an entrance.

You must be the boy that wanted the bulletproof vest!

Bag!

You must be Uncle Fester.

No! I'm Santa Claus!

And if you don't believe me, there's about 600 kids at the mall that'll back me up.

Sorry, but there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Alright, son.

This jolly old fellow does happen to be your Uncle Fester.

Duh!

Pugsley?

Pugsley, darling, let me ask you something.

Did you ever believe in Santa Claus?

Sure!

And when you did believe he was real to you, wasn't he?

I guess so.

Then try, just for a moment, to believe again.

This is silly.

I'll say.

Okay.

Wow...

Look at all the presents!

This truly is a Christmas to remember.

Oh, look.

A bicycle.

With brakes....

Ho ho ho ho... !

Merry Christmas to all!

And to all, a good night!

Ho ho ho ho... !

What is it, Mama?

What is it?

What is it, Mama?

What is it!?

What is it, Mama!?

Go ahead and open it!

Darling.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

What'd I get? What'd I get!?

My gift is broken.

Mine, too.

Darling, what was it?

It was a 17th century goblet from the Vlad the Impaler Collection.

I wanted to get you a matching decanter.

But I had already bought it for you.

Oh, Tish...

What a lovely present... !

But all I really wanted for Christmas,

was you.

Me, too.

Mon cher.

A bazooka... !

Oh, Mama! And just my size!

Well, you know mothers.

We always have to buy something practical.

On Donner, on Blitzen, on .... !

Hang on, boys... !

I'll get us out... !

We thought we heard something.

Yeah, a gun going off, and then someone yelling.

What's going on?

Nothing!

Come on, tell the truth.

Well,

there is one thing.

From our family to yours,

Happy Holidays!

Awooo... !