Original subtitles

Gotta be in the house, someplace.

Not here!

It's not in there, either.

Not under there...

Hmmm....

Wait, I know where it is!

Eureka!

There you are!

These high-pressure jets really pack a punch.

I know, it feels as if an elephant were tap-dancing on my back.

And to think the company discontinued this model

because of a few accidental death suits!

Let's set these babies on turbo high!

Now, we're talking.

A toast!

To the riches of family life!

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

My poor dears.

This sunny weather must be sapping your strength.

Morticia, I've got the worst news.

Oh, no.

Thing got his hand stuck in the cookie jar again?

No!

The stock market crashed.

Millions of people have lost their life savings overnight.

Why, Fester, that's terrible.

Tragedy is always more enjoyable when it's drawn out.

But Gomez has almost all of his money in the stock market.

Only because there isn't any more room under the mattress.

I'm serious.

Investors are leaping from tall buildings.

Don't worry, Fester.

Gomez would never jump.

You're right.

Poison is more his style.

But I understand you're concerned.

He's talking to his broker, now.

Why don't we check and make sure everything is okay?

Not fit for human consumption.

Gomez Addams, here.

Greetings!

"Mr. Addams?"

"This is Missy Shipley from Christopher's Auction House?"

Ah, Miss Shipley.

Selling any more of those phony Picassos?

"... ha!"

"Anyway, I'm calling because"

"Princess Nerafifi's tomb is now available from the collection's sheik, Faudi Saudi."

What a perfect blue moon gift for Morticia!

And the ideal companion piece to our King Narcissus sarcophogus!

"I thought you'd be interested."

But tell me, why would the sheik want to part with such a valuable treasure?

"He's broke."

"His oil wells have dried up,"

"and his harem is suing..."

"... for sexual harassment."

Morticia, please.

Bankrupt?

Completely wiped out.

Ruined?

I can't believe it.

He's broke!

Poor Gomez...

"So, would you like to make an offer on the tomb?"

Of course.

But not a word to Morticia.

I want to keep this completely secret.

Dear noble Gomez,

trying to shield us from dire straits.

Makes one proud to be mollycoddled.

Oh, Fester.

What are we going to do?

Eye of newt,

brain of yak,

monosodium glutamate.

Mama,

I'm afraid we have some very bad news.

Should Gomez be here to share it?

You know how he loves a good disaster.

The news concerns Gomez.

Remember?

Oh.

Right.

Gomez is...

... well...

Broke!

Oh no.

This is terrible.

Now Gomez must not find out that we know.

It would kill him.

Well if his life insurance is paid out,

maybe that'll be the solution.

Fester!

Morticia,

what are we gonna do for money?

I'm too proud to beg,

and too lazy to rob a bank.

I'm sorry, but we have no choice.

We must seek...

... employment.

Excellent!

I'll make a cheque out to the sheik for one million dollars!

Let's see.

We'll have to have the tomb delivered where Morticia won't see it.

I know!

Have your men put it in the garage.

Morticia hasn't been in there since Fester added that skylight with his cannon.

Right.

Bye!

Come on, just one game!

Thing.

Fully grown,

but a little immature.

There you are, Mama.

Have you decided what you're going to do for employment?

I sure have.

I'm marketing my own special line of beauty cream.

"Mama Addams' Beauty Cream,"

"makes you look ten times older and three times more haggard."

Why, this is going to fly right off the shelf.

So, what will you be doing?

I'm going to start my own animal grooming business.

Gee, Morticia.

I don't know.

I remember the last time you cut Gomez's hair.

He didn't leave the hospital for a month.

This time, I won't use the power saw.

Here you go.

Oh, hey.

This stuff isn't too bad.

Maybe we should find another way to make some money.

Why?

We're making a killing.

You must be Mrs. Dorothy. Please come in.

Mrs. Addams, I presume.

This is my Toto.

Say hello to Mrs. Addams.

"Hello, Mrs. Addams!"

Isn't he cute?

Well, he certainly is.

Now, I really hope that you can do justice to my Toto.

Heaven knows I've taken him to every doggy groomer in town, and not one,

has met Toto's high expectations.

Well, I think a new haircut...

Now, I'll be back later this afternoon, to pick up my darling.

You two have fun.

Don't worry.

I'll give you a makeover you'll never forget.

$500?

Not only does your $500 include being seen in public with us,

it also includes an expert dancer.

A free light show.

And, my personal guarantee,

that your evening will be a blast.

Welcome to Wednesday & Pugsley's Professional Babysitting, Inc.

Wai - wait a minute.

How old are you?

Eleve...

Fourteen.

Fourteen?

Ow! Oh, go.

Whatever, just him!

Oh, you're such a brat.

Oh, I can't wait for home...

This is going to be fun.

This is going to be fun.

You're almost finished, now, Toto!

Mama, any luck with your beauty cream?

No.

Even after I had this poster made.

Now, Mama, you know your cream doesn't age people that quickly?

You could go to jail for making false claims.

Really?

You know,

I always wanted to wear one of those orange jumpsuits.

Don't worry.

I have a feeling my business is going to be quite successful.

Mrs. Dorothy.

I wish they'd hurry up.

I have to have Toto in the doggy show by 4.

Excuse me, Mrs. Dorothy.

Your Toto is ready.

Let me out, let me out!

But don't you want to go swimming in the well?

Well?

What well?

That well.

I can't believe,

that Mrs. Dorothy,

is threatening to sue you over Toto.

I know.

I'll have to have a talk with Mrs. Dorothy.

And her little dog, too.

Here.

Fester, where did you get these quarters?

A blind man on the corner stuck out his tin cup and offered them to me.

They should be worth something.

Genuine lead fillings.

No, Mama. We can't sell your teeth.

You're right.

How else would I open bottles?

Our grand total is two dollars and fifty cents.

I'm afraid this falls a little short of what we need.

I know.

We can get jobs as construction workers,

and take turns riding around in the cement mixer.

It's a noble idea, Fester.

But I think we have to admit, this family, is unemployable.

Makes you proud to be an Addams, doesn't it?

Our only option left is to sell some family heirlooms.

I've got a better idea.

Let's have a garage sale.

Ooh.

Don't we need Gomez's permission to sell a garage?

I think what my mom means is that

we sell all the worthless items inside it.

That's an even better idea, Morticia.

A garage sale, it is.

The critics were right.

Ulysses is hard to read.

By George, I'm late for my Zen Yogi class.

Gomez Addams.

Miss Shipley?

Yes, Princess Nerafifi did arrive.

I tell you, she has a scowl that could scare a gargoyle!

Beautiful.

Tish has no idea.

I've got it safely hidden, in the garage.

Right.

Well, thank you very much for all your help.

Yes.

Buh-bye.

Tisha's going to be so pleased.

Ohm...

Please bring me inside!

I won't run away this time!

I promise!

You know,

I'm kinda tired of hanging him up the window, anyway.

And my hand is getting a cramp.

I'll get the rope.

Did she say "rope"?

Yep, it'll just be a second.

Here's some more junk from the garage!

I believe we got $100 for that clunky Rolls-Royce.

And five for that dreadful painting of Whistler's mother.

I'll say,

when it comes to business,

we're ruthless.

Uh-oh.

Quick, let's hide the sign.

Morticia.

Fester.

Mama.

What are you doing out here in the sun?

It makes it easier to stare straight into it from here.

By jove, you're right!

It really hurts the eyes.

Morticia,

I put...

... eh, something in the garage.

And when I went to go find it,

I noticed the whole place had been cleaned out.

Speaking of cleaning,

Mama's cooked up a whole new batch of ammonia.

Great!

Let's go use it on those ghastly roses!

Garage sale?

Why would you sell the garage?

You know how much I love it?

Gomez.

We heard about the stock market.

Oh, that.

I jumped back in thinking it's gonna crash again,

but no, it just keeps going up and up and up!

You mean we're...

Rich, loaded, rolling in it?

I'm afraid so.

Oh Gomez,

we've made a horrible mistake.

We thought you lost everything in the market,

so we had a garage sale to raise money.

You didn't.

We did.

Morticia,

you didn't buy any chance, sell...

Oh, I don't know.

A tomb?!

Darling, to what tomb are you referring?

Princess Nerafifi!

I was going to give it to you for a surprise.

You know, for the Blue Moon.

Oh, Gomez.

I don't know what to say.

I do.

Princess Nerafifi is gone!

Well, the tomb's not in the meat locker.

Or on the swamp.

Although I did find Mama bottling more of her beauty cream.

Gomez, this is all my fault.

If I hadn't eavesdropped and thought you lost

all your money, this might never have happened.

Darling, I don't want to discourage you from eavesdropping, but...

You know I would have told you if we were going broke.

Why, we're partners.

How could I have ever thought differently?

Just remember,

we share everything.

The good and the bad.

Right now, I feel like being bad.

Mon cher...

Tish! That's French.

I'm Mrs. Flanders.

Wait here.

Who is it, Lurch?

Mrs. Flanders.

Tell her we're busy.

Darling, maybe we'd better see what she wants.

You're absolutely right.

In an hour.

Darling...

Mrs. Flanders, I'm Morticia.

This is my charming husband, Gomez.

Hi.

How may we help you?

I'm here to pick up my son, Bart.

Bart?

Eight of Diamonds?

Go fry.

Let me out!

Let me out of here... !

Ah, there it is.

Darling, it's positively terrifying!

Thank you.

Bart?

Help... !

Mommy!

Mommy!

I missed you so much!

Please, never leave me alone. I promise to be good and clean my room and everything!

You will?

Why, that's wonderful, honey.

Well, let's go home, shall we?

Excuse me, Mrs. Flanders.

But I believe you owe us $20

for babysitting services rendered.

Oh, well, here's a hundred.

Keep the change!

I don't know what you did and how you did it, but thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, by the way, I have two other children.

Do you think maybe I could bring them by,

maybe this afternoon?

Children, you don't need to work anymore.

Once again, we're rich.

I'm sorry, but we've retired.

Come on, Pugsley.

Let's go spend this all in one place.

Bart, would you like to go shopping with us?

So.

Querida.

Care to take a look inside?

I'd love to.

Woof.

A toast!

To the extreme sacrifice of seeking employment.

I'm really touched at the effort all of you went through.

And we'd do it again if the need arose.

Oh, I think I'd try another line of work.

Like modeling.

Darling, thank you so much for Nerafifi's tomb.

It's the best Blue Moon present I've ever had.

You're welcome, querida.

The only thing missing is a true blue moon.

I know, it's so pale.

Not for long.

Bat throats and turtlenecks,

and a rotten, old spleen.

Please send us a moon,

that's a sight to be seen~!

Well!

Would you look at that?

Uh-oh.

I blew it again.

Mama, don't be silly.

It's beautiful.

It's so nice and ghoulish.

A toast!

To a new Addams' tradition!

Green moon fever!

Awoooooo... !