Original subtitles

Mama, this Loch Ness lasagna looks delicious!

It's so nice and gamey!

Wait, you added something new.

What is it?

Eye of newt?

Ear of ox?

Nope.

Tofu!

Children, I haven't seen you all day.

Where have you been hiding yourselves?

I was burrowing a new tunnel.

And I was trying to seal him in.

Our children.

So productive!

Mother, Father,

could you tell us the rest of the story of how you two met?

Have you changed the bat box, put away the maces and cobwebbed your room?

Yes, Mother.

Yes, Mother.

Gomez?

Sure.

Why not?

Well, your Father and Ophelia's wedding day was drawing near.

So we knew we had to think of something fast.

I know.

Let's knock off Ophelia.

Excellent idea.

I'll get the rack.

Gomez, Fester, I don't want any harm to come to Ophelia.

She is my sister, after all.

... And?

You do like Ophelia, don't you?

Well, it's not that she isn't a nice girl.

She's sweet.

And muscular.

An angel?

A doll.

I just can't stand her.

Why don't you tell her that?

No. It might hurt her feelings.

I've got it!

Why don't we send her overseas to work in a sneaker factory?

She might even get us a discount.

Gomez, we can't do that.

Fester's right.

It wouldn't be fair to the other workers.

Poor Ophelia.

All she wants is to be married.

I know just the guy...

Cousin. Itt!

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Mm-hmm. Oh, that's too bad. Bye.

That was the minister.

One of his exorcisms went into overtime,

so he has to put the wedding off another day.

Well, at least he has a good excuse.

All these flowers, these new curtains, the paint.

Griselda, your daughter is destroying my house.

And look what she's done to Lurch.

Will you two break it up?

We have to introduce Cousin Itt to "Witch Hilda."

D'oh!

I mean, introduce Cousin Itt to the woman of his dreams.

Cousin Itt, thanks for coming.

[ gurgling language ]

Morticia, this is Cousin Itt.

Cousin Itt, this is Morticia.

[ gurgling ]

Mr. Itt, please!

We just met.

[ continues gurgling ]

That does it!

[ confused gurgling ]

Oh, Gomez, stop!

That'll teach you to make a play for my Morticia, your long haired Lothario!

Gomez,

get ahold of yourself.

[ gurgling ]

See, Cousin Itt said he was sorry.

You want him to take Ophelia off your hands, don't you?

You have to understand,

when it comes to Morticia,

I can't control myself.

[ gurgling ]

Apology accepted.

Besides, we invited you here to meet Morticia's lovely sister, Ophelia.

[gurgling question] ... Ophelia?

There's nothing wrong with her.

[ questioning gurgles ]

She's uh... got a great personality!

[gurgling question]

She's not fat!

Cousin Itt, trust me.

You're really going to like her.

♪ La lalala la, lalala la~ ♪

Isn't it beautiful?

I wish I could wear a wedding dress every day.

[ panicked gurgling ]

Please, Cousin Itt,

give her a chance.

Mother, do you think this wedding dress makes my ankles look thick?

Not anymore than the other 16 dresses you've tried on.

[ gurgling introduction ]

Oooh!

Aren't you an adorable little furball?

[ charming gurgles ]

Ophelia, I see you've met Gomez's cousin, Itt.

He's quite charming, don't you think?

[ rambling gurgles ]

Ooh!

Ahh, those multi-millionaires!

They do say the darnest things.

I guess it's all that

jet-setting around the world,

all those star-studded parties that

keeps the mind so razor-sharp.

Multi-millionaires?

Jet-setting?

[ bragging gurgling ]

Oohh, hoo hoo!

Gomez~

You better be nice to me.

Your cousin just might steal me away.

Hahooo~!

Really?

Don't worry, Gomez.

I'll see to it that you and Ophelia get married if it's the last thing I do.

Ohhh, there is nothing like soaking in a bucket of electric eels

to get the old circulation going.

Right.

That darn minister put off the wedding again.

Apparently,

he got roped into one of those cult ceremonies,

and has to marry 500 people.

Well, as long as he hurries,

I want to get this wedding over with,

so I can get started on Morticia and Vlad's.

You're marrying off Morticia,

to my nephew Vlad Addams?

Yep.

Mr. "Love 'em then leave em"?

Uhah!

People Magazine's "Shiftiest Man Alive"?

Well, what can I say?

I have a real knack for matchmaking.

Cousin Itt 'n Ophelia really seem to be hitting it off, these last few days.

I know.

Look how she holds him in her arms.

Gently benchpressing him.

Nothing says "love" like overhead lifts.

I guess we should have told 'em about the quicksand.

I don't know about you, but I can't just stand here and watch them drown.

You're right.

Let's go get something to eat.

Gomez, Fester!

Rescue first.

Sandwiches, later.

Okay.

Okay.

Toasters.

Blenders.

Where's the quease in your life?

Oh, what's this?

Hmm.

A Ming vase...

Ophelia's friends sure have odd taste in wedding gifts.

Oh.

Did I do that?

Oops.

Mama.

I'm shocked.

I'm sorry.

Why didn't you tell me you were opening up wedding gifts?

Hahahaha...

Gomez,

now that we're alone,

tell me.

Do you, well, like Ophelia?

Of course.

I mean,

other than the fact that I'm repulsed by...

Ophelia!

Gomez,

there you are.

Listen, we need to talk.

Couldn't we just write?

Oh, come on.

Let's go somewhere more private.

Good idea.

I'll get Cousin Itt.

He's still busy drying his hair from the quicksand.

Besides,

I want to talk to you alone.

Whoa!

I know that look on Ophelia's face anywhere.

It's love.

Gomez,

I'm in love with your cousin, Itt!

You are?

Now, tell the truth.

Would it be okay if I...

.... totally humiliated you by

backing out of the marriage

and dating your cousin?

Oh, please.

Humiliate me?

I give you my blessing.

And my future children's blessing.

And their children's blessing.

And their children's children's blessing.

Itt!

I have the most wonderful news.

[ questioning, higher-pitched gurgles ]

Oops!

Guess I shouldn't have put the dryer on high.

[ complaining, high-pitched gurgles ]

Oh, trust me.

Size doesn't matter.

Anyway, as I was saying,

I broke up with Gomez.

The wedding's off!

[ gurgling ]

I know.

Now I'm free to marry you.

[ choking noises ]

Hello?

I said I'm free to marry you.

[ gurgles in reply ]

In eight years, maybe?

[ gurgles in explanation ]

Either agree to marry now,

or take a hike.

[ nervous gurgles ]

[ gurgles in goodbye ]

Ughhhh!

Men... !

Oh, Morticia.

Ophelia broke off our engagement

so she can marry Cousin Itt.

Oh, Gomez.

Now we're free to marry.

And live on happily ever after.

Till death do us part.

And even after that.

Oh, Gomez.

Querida...

Oh, yoohoooo~!

I hate to break up this little love fest,

but our marriage is back on.

What about Cousin Itt?

When I... demanded a commitment, he... fled!

He's smarter than I thought.

Besides, I now realize that arranged marriages are the only way to go.

Ophelia, it's not so simple.

Since you left me for Cousin Itt,

Morticia and I,

we've developed a...

... fondness for one another.

A deep fondness.

Reality check.

I just broke up with you 45 minutes ago.

Ophelia, we're sorry.

We can't help the way we feel.

I see.

Well, not to worry, Morticia.

Leave it to me to know just what to do.

Hello, Fester.

Well,

I guess no one was there.

My turn.

Come on~

I... have a surprise for you.

Hello, Morticia.

Vlad.

What are you doing here?

Never mind that.

What are you leaving?

Haaaa, Cousin Fester.

Never a pleasure~

Oh, Morticia, I couldn't stand to be away from you another moment.

So I stopped in.

I hope you don't mind.

Mind?

Hmm.

Oh, Vladdy!

Thank you for letting me into the situation.

You know me. Always happy to help.

Come, Morticia.

We have so much catching up to do.

Alright then.

Gomez, I was thinking we could get a couple more of these for the flower garden.

We don't have a flower garden.

Oh, we will~!

When we get rid of that unsightly cemetery.

So, Vlad.

Any... thoughts on where are you and Morticia will go for your honeymoon?

Oh, I don't know.

The craters of the Arizona?

The abyss of the Manchuria?

Oh, it really doesn't matter at this point.

Any backdrop would merely be eclipsed by Morticia's radiance.

Whoa... !

Darling, if only we could get married today.

Then tomorrow we could wake up in each other's arms,

and greet the terrors of a new day.

Whoa~!

How about if you and Morticia get married right after Ophelia and Gomez?

That's a splendid idea.

I couldn't agree more~!

But Mama, this is all so sudden!

Why, we haven't even had time to invite guests.

Oh, pick out a dress.

It doesn't matter, Morticia.

You could be in a white satin gown and you'd still be beautiful.

A double wedding, it is!

Morticia.

Gomez.

At last we're alone.

Oh, Gomez.

How can I marry Vlad when I'm in love with you?

How can I marry Ophelia when all I want to do

is chop her head off and use it as a rugby ball?

Oh, if only Cousin Itt hadn't run off.

If only Vlad weren't here.

[ clears throat ]

Hello, Morticia.

Cousin.

Vlad,

I don't know what to say.

Except that we weren't expecting you.

Obviously.

Morticia,

I love you.

More than life and death itself.

And I believe,

that in time,

you will come to feel the same way,

about me.

Over my dead body.

Precisely.

But, in the meantime.

Ouch!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ouch!

Cousin, I challenge you to a duel.

Select,

your weapon.

Gomez, you can't.

Vlad's an expert marksman.

Why, as a child, he had a summer job as an executioner.

Hmm, those were the days.

Gomez, look.

If you're not going to put your life on the line for Morticia,

just say so.

I'd climb the highest mountain.

I'd swim in the deepest ocean.

I'd go shopping in a mall!

For Morticia.

Good boy.

Alright, then.

Back to back.

Ten piaces.

May the best man, die.

One, two...

Food nourishments?

What a splendid idea.

Well, I suppose you could have a last meal.

Lurch.

These look delicious.

What's in them, hen brains?

Vlad, don't tell me you're allergic to brains.

Morticia,

Cousin Vlad choked

on a toothpick!

Ohhh....

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

Vlad Addams,

may you rest in... pieces.

Come on, Gomez!

Quit pushing.

So, anyway.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today to join this... woman,

and this... man in holy matrimony.

[ gurgling to self ]

Would you please hurry up?

[ upset gurgling ]

[ upset gurgling ]

If anyone, has any reason,

why this... woman,

and this man,

should not be joined in holy matrimony,

say so now.

Hey!

Over here!

Perhaps I should take a number.

Well, since you're the bridegroom, I think you best go first.

Ophelia.

I have to be honest with you.

I'm in...

I'm unworthy of you.

Yeah, yeah.

Bu~ut, a promise is a promise!

Anyone else?

[ hurried gurgling ]

Do you, Ophelia...

... take this man to be your awful,

lawful! ... wedded husband?

[ dissenting gurgles in distance ]

Hmm?

Love...

Honour...

[ desperate gurgles ]

Itt!

Oh, Itt!!

Gomez, since you confessed your unworthiness,

I think the best thing to do is...

Bail!

Ophelia... !

Yesssss.

I hate to tell you this, but I get paid whether the ball game's rained out or not.

Fear not.

A wedding will be held this day.

Querida...

Will you marry me?

I thought you'd never ask.

Let the ceremony begin.

Morticia.

That dress,

it brings out the pallor of your skin,

the blackness of your hair,

the angles of your bones.

It drives me wild.

I'll never wear another.

Mon cher.

Tish, that's French!

Morticia.

Are you sure you want to marry Gomez?

After all, you've just met.

You could be in for some nasty surprises.

Why, Mother.

That is my fondest hope.

From the top...

And that's how your Father and I got married.

A duel, a death, a funeral.

I just love weddings.

Did Aunt Ophelia really marry Cousin Itt?

No, I'm afraid it was just a summertime romance.

Cousin Itt turned out to be too much of a playboy.

I just glad things worked out the way they did.

Right, Gomez?

Gomez.

Gomez?

Gomez!

Awoooo... !