Original subtitles

Don't come.

This is Ralph.

The person who hired you to film him tomorrow.

Don't come.

The bad one is here.

He's inside the house.

He's trying to get into my room.

I don't know how long he's gonna stay this time,

but don't come.

Don't try to reschedule.

Because if he gets in here...

...it's gonna be a very bad day.

No!

No!

No, no, no.

No, no.

No, no, no.

No, no.

Yes.

Okay, okay, okay.

Don't come in.

Don't come in!

Please don't come in!

Aaaaaaah!

Really?

That didn't scare you at all?

How did you get in here, anyway?

I barricaded the door.

Wait. How did--

Oh, never mind.

Is there any chance that you would just kill me now?

And get it over with?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Okay.

Go away.

I know, okay? I know.

I've been dealing with you long enough to know.

I know I'm supposed to go outside and get exercise

and see my therapist and meditate

and-- and take my stupid medications and eat.

I know I'm supposed to eat,

but I can't eat when you're here.

Okay?

No, no, you're not listening to me.

I'm not being a fussy boy.

I-I physically cannot eat when you're here.

If you want to leave, I'll eat.

Do you want to leave?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

No food to eat in this stupid rental house, anyway.

Oh, my God! What?!

Okay, fine.

You want to see me eat? Fine.

You know what? What a great idea.

Let's join the land of the non-depressed

by eating the happy oatmeal.

Yay! It's--

Oh, God.

Mmm, yeah. Here we go.

Mmm! It's working.

I'm getting happier already.

Wait a minute.

Oh, my God, it actually work--

Oh, I'm sorry you had to see that.

That's really embarrassing.

Wait, who am I kidding?

You've been watching me go through this my whole life.

Do you remember the first time you came to visit me?

Y-Yes. Thanksgiving 1982.

My favorite meal of the whole year,

and I couldn't eat a thing because you were so powerful.

And you were inside me...

i-in my tummy, making me nauseous,

and I-- and I tried to tell everyone,

"I can't eat because the big bad man's inside me."

And they said, "You shouldn't say that."

And they made me eat, anyway.

And then I threw up on the carrot casserole,

and they said, "Oh, you have food poisoning."

But I knew what it was.

And so did you.

You were the only one who understood.

Huh.

Oh, my goodness, gracious. Is it morning already?

Okay.

Alright, well, let's go.

Okay. Okay.

I'm outside, and I'm getting some exercise.

I mean, I still want to die, but at least I'm not--

What-- What are you doing?

I don't-- What?

Who's that?

Ew.

It's cold.

Aaah! No!

Whoa! Help!

No! No!

Not cool. Not cool.

And also? Confusing.

What is going on here?

You have been coming here my entire life,

barging in unannounced, uninvited--

rude, by the way--

and I still have no idea what you want.

Do you want to kill me? Is that it?

Because-- Because if that's what you wanted,

you've had countless chances.

You could have done it by now.

Or is it that you want to help me?

Because I don't know what it is.

Part of you is, like, hey, you know,

eat your oatmeal, go on a walk.

You'll feel better, you know?

And then I'll go out there and what happens?

You Ebeneezer Scrooge me.

You show me dead me

and try to drag me into an open grave.

And I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of the shenanigans.

I'm tired of the mixed messages.

And I need you to just tell me what you want.

Oh.

You want me to do it?

Well...

...it's tubby time.

Hmm.

Are you still mad at me?

What do you think?

I'm sorry if I hurt you,

but I had to do it.

You-- You did not have to.

I was already on my way out in the tub.

You could have let me go peacefully.

Did you think I was trying to... hurt you?

You chomped my wrist!

See?

Wait. What--

Do you think...

maybe there's another reason I put my mouth on your wrist?

Why else would you bite my--

Wait. Wait.

Were you trying to stop the bleeding?

Oh, my God, what is happening here?

Just tell me, once and for all--

are you trying to destroy me,

or are you trying to save me?

A wise man once said,

just before he suckled

an older woman's beautiful breast...

..."Can't it be both?

Can't both things be true?"

That's really beautiful. Who said that?

You did, knucklehead.

Me?

That makes me want to cry.

But that's the problem--

when you come to visit, I can't feel anything.

I can't cry.

You want to try?

Try what?

Try to cry.

You know, fake it till you make it.

Okay. I mean, okay. Alright.

Oh, that's a good boy.

Oh, try some sounds with it.

Oh, that might help.

Let's make those dead eyes rain, soul brother.

Oh, bring on the juice!

It's no use. I can't do it.

I can't do it while you're here.

So, you want me to go?

Isn't that painfully obvious?

If you want me to leave,

all you have to do is close your eyes.

Make a wish, and I'll be gone.

Just make sure it's what you really want.

'Cause once I leave, you'll be all alone.

It's what I really want.

Okay, close my eyes, make a wish.

Close my eyes, make a wish. Okay.

Okay. I did it.

Wait. It worked?

It worked!

You're gone!

You're gone.

You need to stay gone, too.

Pills! Yes.

Pills. Lots of pills.

Never come back, huh?

Exercise! Exercise!

Mm-hmm.

Therapy! Yeah, therapy. Therapy.

Hello? Yes. Dr. Therapist?

I want to have sex with everybody,

and I want to murder everybody.

Okay, I'll see you Monday. Great.

Okay. Okay.

You're gone! Finally!

Oh!

Oh, thank God.

Oh!

I'm finally alone.

Oh!

Yeah.

I'm all alone.

I'm alone.

Hey!

You're still here?!

Wait! No, no! Don't leave, don't leave!

Are you gonna let me go?

Why are you doing this?

Are you just trying to scare me?

I'm terrified, okay?

S-So please, please let me go.

Stop it. Stop it!

Stop.

Stop!

Hmm?

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

He's gone.

He's gone.

Yeah.

He's gone.

Oh!

I am glad that he is gone.

And...

...I miss him.

Both things can be true.

Hello?

Ralph?

What? Yes, this is Ralph.

Wait. Hold on. I'm sorry.

What day is this?

It's still Monday?

I didn't miss it?

Yes, yes, this is Ralph, and I'm ready for you.

Yes, I'll see you in 10 minutes.

I'm so excited! Okay.

Yes!

Yes!

Yeeees!