Original subtitles

["Prophecy" playing]

♪ You walk this world Like you're a ghost ♪

♪ Your hands are coming through The needles ♪

♪ Sick of your tragic and your evils ♪

♪ I am the keeper of The songs of everyone ♪

♪ Look into the sun And see your soul is dyin' ♪

♪ Used to feel the faith But now you're tired of trying ♪

♪ Should've left alone What you have stolen from everyone ♪

♪ How are you feeling? Seems a little sick to me now ♪

♪ This is a coming of the times ♪

♪ You are a witness to the movement ♪

♪ If all you've seen is your lies ♪

♪ You've had your chance But now you've blown it ♪

♪ You want this world so... ♪

Simon! Simon, I got your breakfast.

[knocks on door]

Simon, you up?

[Simon groans] Give me a couple of minutes.

[pounding on door]

Simon Boggs, there are children in Mexico

who've already been up for three hours making clothes for corporate America.

- [Simon] Leave me alone. - That's it. I'm spitting in your juice.

- [retching] - [Simon groaning]

I got a big loogie, and I'll spit it right in your juice.

- [retching] - [door unlocks]

- Morning. - Morning, Laney.

[rock music playing]

[DJ] Yeah, yeah, yeah, earthquakes, spring break is officially over.

Only two months left at Harrison High till summer vacation.

Till then, here's a little welcome back music.

[rock music continues]

[Wayne] Okay, I got a pump replacement this afternoon

out in Manhattan Beach.

So I'll try not to be late picking you guys up.

- Laney? - Got it, Dad.

Have a good day, pumpkin-nose.

[rock music continues]

[girls chattering, giggling]

[girl 1] I know.

- [girl 2] Hey, Zack. - Hey.

- [girl 3] Hi. - Hello.

[girl giggling]

- What's happening, Connie? - [gasps] He spoke to me.

- He called you Connie. - So?

Your name is Melissa.

- Hey, Jesse. - Hey, Laney.

See that Dateline on sewage dumpers last night? I taped it.

What happened to dropping ten pounds before graduation?

- I'm looking into it. - Jesse, do not eat that.

Twinkie Lite, see?

- Deano! - [Dean] Hey, what's up, Siler?

- What's up, Preston? - [Preston] What's up, bitch?

- [chuckles] - How's it going, man?

Hey, guys, check it.

Guess who jammed a 30-year-old flight attendant

at 26,000 feet en route to Cancun?

Bullshit.

I swear to God.

- Come on, man. How was Vail? - Fine. You know, skiing with my parents.

- Whatever. It was cool. - Cool?

Has it occurred to anyone...

- Ow! - ...that we have eight weeks left

in our high school careers?

- Shit. Only like every five minutes. - Well, it's weird, you know?

It's like, I'm driving through the gate this morning,

and it hit me. Suddenly tomorrow is not just tomorrow.

- It's like the future, you know? - No.

- [girl] Uh-huh! - Hey, guys, check it.

[girl] Then could I please speak to somebody

who doesn't have his head up his ass?

[Dean] Well, well, well, check who's back from spring break

looking all fine and shit.

Oh, Dean, on behalf of every black person, shut up.

- Scusi! On the phone here. - How you doing, baby?

- [girl] Yes, I'll hold. Get off me. - Hey, you guys seen Taylor?

Um, no. What?

- Taylor? My girlfriend? - Yeah, come on, you know.

- Tall, kind of yells at everybody. - No. Why?

Why? Uh, I don't know.

Maybe 'cause I haven't spoken to her since you guys left for Daytona.

- [Taylor] Excuse me. - [boy] Excuse me.

- Hey, party people. - Hi, Taylor.

Oh, my gosh, I've got total Diet Coke mouth.

Does anybody have any gum?

- [girl 1] I got it. - [girl 2] Me too. Here.

[bell rings]

Listen, Zack, I've been doing some thinking.

I'm sorry. This? It just isn't working for me anymore.

New tattoo?

Damn.

So you show up after a week with a tattoo and suddenly wanna break up?

- What happened in Florida, Taylor? - Look, if you wanna torture yourself...

Oh, whatev. Okay.

So we're at this club one night and Chandler gets totally plowed,

and she starts making out with this old guy

for like 20 minutes on the dance floor.

Well, imagine our surprise when this old guy

turns out to be Warren G's hairdresser.

Isn't he gay?

Whatev. So he sets us up with passes to the spring break beach house.

So we go...

[DJ] Hey, hey. What's up? How's it going?

Welcome to spring break, live from the beach house of Daytona, Florida.

Beautiful weather, slammin' bands, and, of course,

three hundred relative strangers from all around this great nation of ours.

- [cheering] - [DJ] Cuttin' loose. [chuckles]

Half-naked, and generally having a good time.

- [DJ grunts] - [groovy music playing]

[Taylor] The next thing I know,

Taylor Vaughan is handpicked by the director

to dance on her very own raft.

♪ Taken for a ride Do just what I feel inside ♪

- ♪ Everything will be all right... ♪ - This is all fascinating, Taylor,

but, uh, could you maybe skip to the part where you decided

to screw me over?

Hold on. I'm getting there, okay.

So, I've been dancing for maybe five minutes, right?

And I nearly fell off,

which would have been so embarrassing,

I mean, being on cable and everything.

So I turn around to see what I've hit, and that's when it happened.

Hey, I'm Brock Hudson! Hey!

Brock Hudson? What kind of a name is that?

What kind of name is Zack? Okay, Brock is from The Real World.

- [scoffs] What, like Reseda? - No, like the TV show, okay?

Real World, L.A. Second season. Hello?

The dyslexic volleyball guy? Yo, they kicked him out of the house.

[sighs] The next three days were kind of a blur.

- [Taylor laughing] - [raunchy guitar solo playing]

[Taylor] I mean, it was like we had known each other for weeks.

[moaning, smooching]

[Taylor] He knew exactly what I was thinking...

- [giggling] - ...and I didn't even have to say a word.

[laughing and moaning continues]

[Taylor] So before I left, Brock said he had a surprise for me.

Something to record the wonderment of our first days together.

- [moaning] - [whirring]

- So that's it? - Pretty much, yeah.

Oh, but don't worry, Zack. I mean, I'll still go to the prom with you.

I mean, we're gonna be elected.

It's only appropriate for the king and queen to go together.

I... I don't know what to say.

Oh, so don't then, Zack. I mean, it's been fun.

But did you honestly think that I was gonna leave

for college still dating you?

Oh my God, you did. No way. That is so sweet.

Ow! Do you believe this thing still hurts?

[indistinct chatter]

Great.

[Ms. Rousseau] That's a very nice use of color, Misty.

[Misty] Thanks.

[ethereal music playing]

[girl coughs]

I read about this riot in Mogadishu.

This represents the pain of that night.

That's wonderful, Laney. But tell me something.

Which part represents you?

Laney...

Savannah and I were just talking about your stuff.

You know, just about how you're not...

I don't know, you're not afraid to be dark.

Darkness rocks.

But I'll be honest. I don't think anybody here really appreciates that.

[Sav] Mm-mm.

Sav and I, we toured the Prado over break, and...

That's in Spain.

And, um, we got in this discussion one day at the cafe,

just about... About how many artists

are really only truly appreciated posthumously.

And we got Van Gogh, Pissarro.

Basquiat.

Basquiat. Thank you. And... And then your name came up.

And Sav thought... Actually, we both thought

that it might be a good idea for you if, um...

You killed yourself.

Think about it.

- [bell rings] - [indistinct chatter]

Well, check it out. That's it for another day, earthquakes.

[chuckles] By the way, my condolences go out

to a certain individual who got dissed and dismissed

by his long-time, magically delicious girlfriend.

Relax, man. No one knows it's you.

[DJ] Hey, hang in there, Zack. It happens to the best of us. [chuckles]

Keep that head up, all right, Son? As far as that other dude,

if it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger. All right?

Yeah. You better do something, man, 'cause your legacy's in jeopardy here.

I mean, one second you're Zack Siler, class president,

standout athlete, all-around badass mamba-jahamba.

The next thing you know, you're Zack Siler, bitch-boy.

- ♪ Give it to me, baby ♪ - [girls screaming]

- [groans] Hey, how are you guys? Hey. Hey. - [girls chattering]

- [girl] Brock. - Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

- [Taylor] Hi! - Hey. Hey, baby.

[Brock moaning]

[chuckles] What's up? How's it going?

Who the hell does she think she is? There are 2,000 girls in this school,

and I can bump monkeys with every one of 'em.

Taylor Vaughan is totally replaceable.

Could you spare me this whack shit

about replaceable? Because we're talking about Taylor Vaughan here.

- Sorry, man. He's... He's right. - Of course I'm right.

I mean, the girl's an institution in this place.

Every girl wants to be her, and every guy wants to nail her.

Basically, she's you... with tits.

[laughs]

Nah, nah, you're wrong, you see.

The Taylor Vaughan you just described is an illusion, a myth.

You strip away all that attitude and makeup,

and basically all you have is a C-minus G.P.A. with a Wonderbra.

Oh, give it up.

Take, uh... Take her for example.

Short, decent rack, kind of a Chelsea Clinton thing going on.

But given the right look, the right boyfriend, bam!

In six weeks, she's the one being crowned prom queen.

- You're serious? - As a heart attack.

And clearly delusional. But how about a chance to prove me wrong?

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Dean, Dean, Dean. The boy's buggin' here.

You're taking advantage of a friend in a vulnerable situation.

Gee, that's swell, Preston.

A fifth of Chivas and a uterus and you could be my mom.

No, seriously. The guy thinks he could do anything.

Let him prove it.

- What do you say, Zack? - A bet?

Yeah. Unless, of course, you're too heartbroken.

- Just name the terms. - All right, it's simple.

I'll pick the girl,

and you got six weeks to turn her into the prom queen.

Okay, okay, we get it, okay?

Everybody has a big jimmy. Now can we just...

You got it.

All right. Let's go shopping.

[both laugh]

Oh man, this is gonna be so much fun.

- [Preston] What about her? - [Dean] Nah, I don't think so.

[Bubbles] I mean it's still scabbing. See, I saved it.

- [Dean] Oh hey, how about this one? - Are you sure about Bubbles?

Nah, we can do better than that.

[Zack] What about her?

[laughs] Rectal archaeology. Very nice.

[both laugh]

Stupid, stupid, stupid. [gasps]

Gentlemen, we have a winner. [chuckles]

[Zack] What, Laney Boggs?

- Nuh-uh! No. No, no, no. - Hey, a bet's a bet, bro. Right, Preston?

Hey, man, this is between you guys.

- [laughing] - [exhales sharply]

Oh, look, fat I can handle.

Weird boobs, bad personality, maybe some sort of fungus.

Come on. Scary and inaccessible is another story.

Hey, man, if I were you, I wouldn't be wasting my time.

'Cause by my calculations you got six weeks until the prom.

And if... If Laney Boggs is gonna be queen,

I'd say you pretty much got your work cut out for you.

[laughs]

- Hi, Laney. - [boy] Here comes Zack.

You got a second?

What's up, Spaz?

He knows my name.

That's not your name. That's not his name.

Oh. Sorry.

[chuckles] So, Laney, listen.

- I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna... - Let's go, Simon.

embarrass me horribly in front of all these people?

- Laney... - Come on. Dad's waiting. Let's go.

[laughing]

- Wait! Watch this. - [farts] Oh!

- [farts again] - Damn it, Brock.

[laughs] That is good. Relax, man.

- Smells like roses. - [Kadeem] I will not relax.

You... You are being disrespectful.

You are disrespecting me, and you are disrespecting Harmony.

- It's not about disrespect. It's just gas. - [Zack] Uh, that's about enough of this.

[Mack] How's the queen of The Real World?

How did you know about that?

Please.

They've only run that spring break thing like a zillion times.

- So, who's the lucky rebound skank? - Rebound skank?

Well, I mean, there's gotta be somebody, right?

Well, I wouldn't say somebody. But there is sort of a project.

- Project? - Yeah.

To tell you the truth, she kind of, uh... she kind of blew me off. [chuckles]

I like her already.

Well, the only thing I can figure is it's gotta be some kind of mistake.

Zack, I realize it's a difficult concept

for a bitch magnet such as yourself to grasp,

but did it ever occur to you to make a little effort?

What do you mean?

Find out where she hangs out. Find out what she likes.

[door opens]

Oh crap. Mom and Dad are home. If they ask, I'm at Ashley's.

Her brother's home. So cute. He just got kicked out of military school.

- Zachary, how was the first day back? - Ah. School is school.

Taylor and the girls have a good time in Florida?

I guess so.

There's still no word on the Dartmouth application?

Obviously not.

You haven't heard from a single university yet.

Isn't that a bit unusual at this point in the year?

Not really.

You know, maybe I ought to give Ken Wortham

in the alumni office a buzz. I owe him a call anyway.

Nah, nah.

Let's give it a couple of days. Probably hear something by Friday.

We'll give it till the end of the week.

[sighs softly]

Does my tattoo look red to you?

[Katie] Come on, girl. Don't you care about anything anymore?

What are we spewing about?

Well, two weeks ago,

we were helping you plan your prom queen acceptance speech.

Now all of a sudden, everything's like "Brock this" and "Brock that..."

and "my tattoo."

Taylor, the last thing you wanna do

five weeks before the election is alienate people.

[sighs sharply] And what is that supposed to mean?

I think what she's trying to say is you should be careful. Right?

[scoffs] Careful of what? Okay.

I can win this thing in fluorescent lighting,

on the first day of my period, cloaked in tacky rags, okay?

My mother was prom queen in '71. My cousin, prom queen in '82.

And my sister would have been prom queen in '94...

if it wasn't for that scandal on the Color Me Badd tour bus.

Okay, I am a goddamn legacy. All right? And besides, not to be a bitch,

but who's gonna beat Taylor Vaughan?

God, I hope that's not your acceptance speech.

[chuckles]

Okay, sir, that will be one tahina kebab with a side of spiced hummus salad.

Would you like to super-size those falafel balls?

- Hmm. Let me see. - Laney.

[customer] Exactly what does this super-size entail?

- Stalking is illegal in all 50 states. - Come on. I just wanna talk.

I find myself torn. Perhaps I could see a sample ball

to better equip myself for such a decision.

Don't you have a break coming up?

One moment, sir.

Uh... Uh, miss?

One moment, sir.

- I'm not smart. - What?

What? You figure I could... I could tutor you or something? You think,

- "Oh, well, there's Laney Boggs." - Look, Laney.

- "She's a dork. She must..." - Laney.

- "...at least be smart." - Well, guess what, I'm not.

Laney! I have the fourth highest G.P.A. in our class.

Mm-hmm.

Oh. What is this, some kind of new dork outreach program?

- I'm just not, uh... - [chuckles] No. Are you always like this?

- No. - Yes.

- Come on. Five minutes. - [customer] Miss?

Five seconds.

Okay. Um, I really wanted to talk to you about...

- Art. - Art? You don't take art.

How do you know?

How come I haven't seen you in any of my classes?

Well, 'cause I'm... I'm busy with... with soccer and stuff.

So they let me take one of those, uh...

- Independent studies? - Yes.

[sighs softly] But listen,

I saw some of your stuff in class. It's really good.

So any kind of help you could give me, I'd appreciate it.

- Sure. I... Maybe sometime. - How about tonight?

The show at the Jester. You can have my ticket.

- That's great. - One moment, please.

- Ow. - Look, I kicked your ass in third grade.

- I'll do it again. - Okay. One, I was sick that day.

And two, are you crazy?

I mean, the best-looking guy in school's stalking you,

and you're not the least bit curious?

Okay, here's the deal.

The show's at 7:30. Parking can be a problem.

Meet me there at 7:00. Don't be late.

[chuckles] 7:00 it is.

Hey, do you wanna maybe go have some dinner before...

No.

I'll see you at 7:00.

I'm sorry, sir. Have you made your decision?

Yes, I have. Super-size my balls.

[device beeps]

[trance music playing]

[indistinct narration]

[trance music continues]

[exhales sharply]

[Mitch] Snug in the putrid womb of a mother he never knew.

The fetus... rising, floating.

That's Mitch. Brilliant, isn't he?

[explosion]

Bursting forth, rushing forward. Surging! Emerging!

[gagging]

My soul is an island. My car is a Ford.

I wanna be like Mike.

[Mitch] Falling! Plunging, nay, expunging!

[actors laughing]

[Mitch shrieks]

[music stops]

[music restarts]

Be silent, be still.

[audience] Be silent, be still.

Be silent, be still. Be silent, be still.

Be silent, be still. Be silent, be still.

[crowd applauding]

Oh.

Thank you very much. Thank you for coming.

Um, before you leave, our performer Laney has just informed me

that there is an exciting new voice among us.

Is there a Zack Siler in the house?

- [audience murmuring] - Come on. Don't be shy.

We're all friends here.

Look, you don't have to go if you're not interested.

Art is love, people. Art is love.

[audience applauds]

Welcome, friend.

[exhales softly]

How's it going?

[clears throat]

[chuckles softly] It's a hacky sack. [clears throat]

[drum beats rhythmically]

[drum beating continues]

[exhales sharply] Hack-y-sack.

Hack-y-sack.

[exhales]

Bounce. Bounce. You gotta keep bouncing.

Can't let it drop.

Never let it drop.

[music intensifies]

Come on, Zack. Everyone's watching.

Expecting.

[breathing heavily] Never... let it...

[grunting]

...drop.

Everyone's counting on you, Zack.

[breathes deeply]

Don't let it drop.

Don't... ever... let it...

[rhythmic beat continues]

[grunts] ...drop!

- [music stops] - [breathing heavily]

[heavy breathing continues]

Sooner or later...

it has to drop.

[audience applaud]

Oh man, I can't believe I just did that.

Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little surprised myself.

So, tell me the truth, how bad did I suck?

You were good.

Come on! That thing you did with the paint and all the garbage, that was really good.

- All I did was kick around a beanbag. - All right, a little.

A lot. You sucked a lot. Boy, you really blew.

- [laughs] I don't care. - You feel better now?

Oh man, I... I've given, speeches and stuff,

but being up there and not knowing what to do, it...

- Kind of a rush, isn't it? - Yeah.

[exhales sharply]

- What? - Do you always wear those glasses?

- Yeah. Why? - No reason.

- You ever think about contacts? - Mm, I have 'em. I just never wear 'em.

I don't know. The idea of touching my eye is...

Because your eyes are really... beautiful.

- Oh, please. - What?

"Your eyes are really beautiful?"

You really broke out the big guns with that one, didn't you?

- Laney, I was just... - No.

I had an instinct. I went against it. This is my fault.

Wha... Laney, I'm not following.

You wanna know about art?

When the class president starts touching my face on darkened street corners

and talking about my eyes, there's a word for it.

There's an entire movement in the '20s. It's called surreal.

Laney, wait. Can't we just...

You go. I'm gonna catch a ride with Mitch.

The underwear guy?

- [intro to The Real World playing] - Oh, oh, oh. It's on. It's on.

- Hey, this is great. Listen. - I got a question for you. [moans]

All right, this guy...

Would you kiss him for like, say, 500 bucks?

- On, like, a public access channel? - Oh, wait. This is where I get sensitive.

Um, I guess my whole problem in the house is that I was an only child.

I didn't have a lot of friends, never had roommates before.

So I don't know how to like, deal with everyone.

A lot of people here in this house think I'm cold, insensitive.

But underneath that, I've got a big... This is big.

- Hey, ho. - [man] [bleep] off!

See what I mean?

Ah! Uh, baby, can you not do that right now?

Like I'm waiting for the new spelling drama at 2:00,

and I really, you know, I don't wanna smell like your spit.

It's like... all over. So just stop. Thank you.

- Watch. - Oh, God.

...from my mom's sister, who once went...

- Your aunt? - Yes, yes, yes my aunt.

This is where I... Watch this. This is where I get Brando on 'em. Watch.

Very Brando.

Do me a favor. Why don't you all just stay out of my closet?

- [exhales sharply] - God!

- [grunts] - [can clattering]

- Morning. - Morning.

- Zack Siler. - Pleasure. Nice truck.

Thanks.

Yeah. I clean a lot of stuff out of people's pool drains.

You never know what you're gonna find. I got this over at the university.

At one of the fraternities, I found this. Belonged to a football player.

He's actually a Heisman trophy runner-up.

No kidding.

- Zack, my man. - Simon, hey.

Hey, you wanna play some Sega? Sega!

- [chuckles] - [door opens]

- Maybe later. - Loves Sega.

- [chuckles] - Would you excuse us a minute?

- What did I do? - Not you, him.

What did I do?

- Hey, give me a hand here, will ya? - [Simon] Yeah, sure.

Look, you can't just keep showing up like this.

And you can't keep avoiding me.

- Like the other night. What was that? - I was busy.

- Yeah. Busy wiggin'. - Excuse me. I did not wig.

There was major wiggage.

- So, you wanna go to the beach? - No.

- You hate the beach? - Yes.

No.

- I don't have time for this. - Fine.

- I'm leaving. - Fine.

- Hey, Simon, how about that Sega? - Yeah.

- What are you doing? - I'm getting ready to play some Sega.

- No, you're not. - Well, I believe I was invited.

- I am uninviting you. - You're not the boss of him.

The man does have a point.

[exhales] Yep, looks like a long afternoon of Sega.

And, hey, maybe your dad can show me some more pool stuff.

I'll get my suit.

[upbeat music playing]

[Zack] Well, once the clouds lifted, it turned out to be a pretty okay day.

[seagull squawking]

Check out that water.

Do you know how many gallons of chemicals are dumped into the oceans each year?

- [seagull squawking] - Don't you ever just kick back?

- [indistinct chatter] - I mean, know the world has its problems.

But would it hurt you to smile once in a while?

I smile.

It's just you mentioned the ocean, and I saw this thing on CNN...

- No, forget CNN. - [Dean] Hey, yo, Siler, what's up?

[Zack] Great. Okay. Listen. If we're gonna be friends,

we have to deal with them sooner or later, right?

Come on.

Yeah, so I called your house, and they said you were at the beach.

So I figured, you must be at your spot.

- You know, many a woman has lost it here. - Shut up, Dean.

Uh, you have to, uh, forgive our man here. His shorts are kind of tight.

Cuts off the circulation to his brain. I'm Preston.

I know who you are.

- Hey, Laney. It is Laney, right? - Yeah.

Well, come on, Zack, help us get the rest of the stuff from the car.

Yeah.

[groovy music playing]

- So, think the mourning period's over yet? - Please. It's way over.

Mourning period?

Yeah, without Taylor, uh, Zack's available now.

Yeah, but what's the deal? I mean, don't tell me you guys are on a date.

- No, we're just... - Friends? [chuckles mockingly]

Hey, now, check out the bobos on super freak.

[Dean] You know, Zack, from up here, she almost looks normal.

So, is this what you ladies gonna do all day?

No. In 15 minutes, I have every intention of turning over.

All right. Just thought you all might wanna play.

No, thanks.

- So, what about you, Laney? - No, um, I don't think so.

- Is your name Laney? - No. Thank God. No offense.

None taken.

It's just... I've seen you in gym class. You run like a girl.

- I am a girl. - Oh, you know what I mean.

Obviously, I don't.

- [scoffs] - So, uh, you in or out?

- In. - Ah, lovely. [chuckles]

- Me too. - Really?

["Sugar" playing]

- ♪ Sugar, sugar ♪ - [grunts]

♪ Sticking me to my babe ♪

- ♪ Sugar, sugar ♪ - [grunts]

- ♪ Sticking me to ♪ - Got it!

- ♪ My babe ♪ - Mine, mine!

[both laughing]

- ♪ Sticking me to my babe ♪ - Just like that.

♪ Sticking me to my babe ♪

♪ Sticking me to my babe ♪

- [Preston] Watch this! - [Zack grunts]

- [grunts] - [Preston] Dean!

- [grunts] - ♪ Sticking me to my babe ♪

- [girl groans] - ♪ Sticking me to my babe ♪

- [chuckles] - Come on, guys. Come on.

- So, Zack, my house tonight? - Uh... yeah.

So what about you, Laney? See you at Preston's tonight?

- I don't think so. - Aw, come on. You gotta be.

Yeah, you should. Preston's parties are the best!

- Booze, tunes, hotties. - Dean...

No, seriously. His house is enormous. His dad owns Harrison Ford.

- The actor? - No, the car dealership.

So, what do you say?

- Uh... sure. - Good things.

- Well, this should be interesting. - Will you shut up?

What? Even if they are broken up, if Zack shows up with her,

Taylor's gonna shit Frisbees.

[Dean] Zack, Laney, always a pleasure.

- Okay, man, see ya. [chuckles] - Later.

- [Zack] Right, guys, later. - [Laney] See ya.

- [Katie] Bye. See you later. - [Chandler] Bye!

[engines revving]

- [engines revving recedes] - Well, we survived, right?

- So, about Preston's thing tonight... - I can't.

- But, you just said that... - I... I know. I just...

forgot I have to clean the house. It's really dirty, almost... unlivable.

Sorry to hear that.

- [tense music playing] - [waves crashing]

[Alex Trebeck on TV] Thomas Welch invented this drink in 1869,

- as an alternative to wine. - What is nonalcoholic wine?

[contestant on TV] What is grape juice?

- No. - [Trebeck] That's right.

- That's right? - [Jesse] You said no?

- Mm-hmm. [clicks tongue] - Why?

- I said I had stuff to do. - Laney, sitting around with your father

while he watches Jeopardy in his underwear

hardly qualifies as stuff to do.

- Who is Lou Rawls? - You know me too well.

I think you're afraid to let anything good happen to you.

I mean, did it ever occur to you that maybe Zack really likes you?

Trust me. He doesn't.

- [knocking on door] - I gotta go.

[Trebeck] The youngest of the Marx brothers,

he retired from the act following 1933's...

- Duck Soup? - Who is Lamo?

- [contestant] Who is Zeppo? - [contestant 2] Nappo!

[Trebeck] That's correct! Pick again.

- Hello. - [contestant] Beverages for 200.

- [Trebeck] The answer is 1962... - I thought I said I was busy.

Zack! [speaking Spanish] My main man!

I, uh, I believe you said you were cleaning.

I am. I was. I will be.

Tell you what. How about I save you some time?

[Trebeck] Thirty second TV ad for this January 26th...

[boy] I'll take the kitchen.

[boy 2] All right, then I got the bathroom.

- Isn't that the soccer team? - It's J.V.

- [boy] I need the vacuum cleaner. - [boy 2] It's over there in the corner.

- [Trebeck] ...but this Chevrolet sports car... - Go get dressed.

I can't. I mean, look at you. You look great. I... I have nothing...

[contestant] ...for 300.

- [Trebeck] In December of 1996... - Oh, God.

...Steve Jobs returned to this company as a consultant

- when it bought Next Software Inc... - I'm a mess.

[contestant] What is Apple?

- [Trebeck] Right... - That's where I come in.

Mackenzie Siler, hair and makeup.

You can call me Mack.

You know, if you guys need us, we'll be upstairs.

Bye.

- Have a seat. - Thanks.

[Trebeck] This city's French Quarter encompasses about 70 blocks.

- What is Paris, France? - [contestant] What is New Orleans?

- Ow! - Laney, no offense.

But when was the last time you tweezed?

- What? - As in your eyebrows.

- Never. Why? - Well, do you ever watch Sesame Street?

- Uh-huh. - You know Bert?

- Ow! - So, Zack, can I get you a drink?

Yeah, sure. What do you got?

- [Trebeck] Geneva, Switzerland. Naomi... - Let me check.

- [Trebeck] Correct! - [Naomi] 1880s for 300.

[Trebeck] Along with presidents, Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln,

his face appears on South Dakota's Mount Rushmore.

- [Wayne] Who is President Rushmore? - [contestant] Who is Roosevelt?

[Trebeck] All right. That's right. Now you select again.

[contestant] The Cinema for 300.

[Trebeck] Here's the clue. This 1961 Elia Kazan film

marked Warren Beatty's screen debut.

What is Shampoo?

[contestant] What is Splendor in the Grass?

You really never wear makeup?

[Laney] No. My mom died before I was old enough for this stuff.

- I'm sorry. - It was a long time ago.

I mean, God, Simon was practically a baby.

Nothing personal, Laney, but this particular coif...

doesn't really go with your face shape.

- What do you have in mind? - Well, I have an idea.

- What kind of idea? - You'd really have to trust me.

[Trebeck] In 1987, a copy

of the Old Testament attributed to this printer

sold for $5.3 million.

- Who is Hewlett-Packard? - Who is Gutenberg?

- [contestant] Who is Gutenberg? - [Trebeck] Yes.

[contestant] 1880s for 400.

[Trebeck] According to the 1880 census...

- ...it was the first state... - Who are you people?

...with a population exceeding five million.

- [mellow music playing] - [boy] Zack owes us big-time.

- [boy 2] It was so hard. - [indistinct chatter]

- You sure this is a margarita? - Yeah.

Gentlemen... may I present the new, not improved,

but different... Laney Boggs.

[mellow music continues]

Laney?

Laney Boggs, get your cute butt down here!

["Kiss Me" playing]

♪ Swing, swing Swing the spinning step ♪

♪ You wear those shoes And I will wear that dress ♪

♪ Oh, kiss me ♪

♪ Beneath the milky twilight Lead me ♪

♪ Out on the moonlit floor ♪

- ♪ Lift your open hand... ♪ - [gasps]

[Zack sighs]

[Zack chuckles]

- You ready? - Yeah. Hmm.

- [crickets chirping] - Drive safely.

[door slams shut]

- [pop music playing] - [indistinct chatter]

Hey, hey, hey, welcome, my friends, to the party that never ends. [chuckles]

Yeah. At least until my folks get back from Vegas.

- [Zack chuckles] - Who are all these people?

- [Preston] I have no idea. - [glass shatters]

I'm gonna check on you in a second. Have a good time, all right? Damn.

- [pop music continues] - [indistinct chatter]

Laney! Oh my God, you look great.

Zack, listen, do you mind if I borrow her for just a second?

There are these amazing-looking twins over there.

I think they're Costa Rican or something.

Uh, sure.

- Go ahead. - Well, gracias, papi.

Oh my God, I'm so glad you came.

Damn, look at the look you have.

So what's going on, man? You guys come here together, or what?

Well, I brought her here if that's what you mean.

"I brought her here if that's what you mean."

Come on, man, let's get real.

You're with her 24/7. You know I may be wasted,

but I'm not blind here.

So what's going on?

[Dean] Mixing a little business with pleasure or what?

I hate to break it to you, man, but, uh, it's just a bet.

Yeah, right.

Woo-ooh! Woo-ooh! Let's party!

Well, well, if it isn't Taylor Vaughan.

- What a surprise. - Yeah, I mean, we almost didn't make it,

but then I thought, why not put in one last sentimental... whatever.

- [Brock] Hey. - Honey! I want a beer.

- You've got a drink right there. - But I want a beer.

Okay.

- Excuse me. - [indistinct chatter]

- [knocks on door] - Hello?

- Oh. Sorry. - Splatter girl?

Misty?

[groaning]

Are you okay?

- I think I'm gonna vomit. - I think you already did.

[exhales sharply, groans]

[Misty exhales]

- Can I get you something? - [groaning]

Here.

- [scoffs] - Hey, Laney.

- How does it feel? - Excuse me?

You heard me. I said, how does it feel?

A rich girl like me...

gets a scholarship to her first-choice art school...

and here you are... cleaning up my puke.

[objects clatter]

[crowd giggling, chattering]

[upbeat music playing]

- Taylor. - Zack.

Hey, you know, Brock will be back in a minute.

I can get you an introduction or maybe an autograph.

No, that's okay. I saw him on a rerun last night.

He ate his own toenail clippings for ten bucks. Very impressive.

- Jump up my ass, Zack. - I've been there.

- Done that. - [Brock] Go, DJ! Get funky, DJ!

Back up, back up. Can you guys back up a little?

Speaking of ass-jumping, isn't that your boy now?

- [Brock] You guys back up a little. - Oh, God, not again. Brock!

- [Brock] Go, DJ! - [Taylor] Brock!

[Brock] Not right now, honey. They're playing my song.

["Give It To Me Baby" playing]

♪ When I came home last night ♪

♪ You wouldn't make love to me You went fast asleep ♪

- [laughing] - [grunts]

♪ You wouldn't even talk to me You say I'm so crazy ♪

♪ Comin' home intoxicated I said I just wanna love you ♪

♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪

♪ I guess that's why I'm so elated Come on, girl, give it to me, baby ♪

♪ Give it to me, baby ♪

[crowd laughing, chattering]

♪ Give it to me, baby Give it to me, baby ♪

♪ I'll make you hot like you had enough ♪

- ♪ Give it to me ♪ - ♪ Give me that stuff that funk ♪

- ♪ That sweet that funky stuff ♪ - Come on, everyone!

♪ Give it to me, give me that stuff That funk that sweet, that funky stuff ♪

♪ Give it to me, give it to me ♪

♪ Give it to me, give it to me Give me the funk ♪

♪ That sweet, funky stuff Yo, ho! Ow... ♪

[song continues]

[indistinct chatter]

[crowd laughing]

♪ When I was as high as the sky ♪

♪ Out all night just dancin' ♪

♪ You said let's go home ♪

♪ Come on, Rick I'm tired, let's go home ♪

♪ That's the time I start romancin' ♪

- [Misty screaming] - ♪ You say how can I love you ♪

♪ How can I love you, baby ♪

♪ When your body keeps on movin' I say wait till I squeeze you ♪

[sighs]

♪ Maybe then you'll start to groovin' Come on, girl... ♪

- What the hell are you doing here? - I was invited.

- Really? Isn't your dad my pool man? - I really wouldn't know.

[gasps] Oopsy.

- [record scratches, music stops] - [crowd gasping]

- Ah! - [crowd gasping]

You really should be more careful with silk.

[Laney gasps]

- [Laney gasps softly] - [drink trickling]

- Thank you. - Excuse me?

Thank you.

For a minute there, I forgot why I avoided places like this

and people like you.

Avoided us?

Honey, look around you.

To everyone here who matters, you're vapor.

You're spam, a waste of perfectly good yearbook space.

Nothing's gonna change that.

Oh. You're not gonna cry, are you?

[crowd murmuring]

[mellow music playing]

[pants, cries]

- [Zack] Laney... - Don't touch me!

[crickets chirping]

- [crying] - Laney.

[sniffles] I promised myself... I would never... [sniffles] ...ever, ever...

[breathes deeply, cries]

Never what?

[sniffles] I'd never let them see me cry.

- [sad music playing] - [crickets chirping]

God.

- It's okay. - No, it's not okay.

[sniffles] I never should've come here.

[sighs]

Laney... [sighs]

- Laney, we were having fun today. - [chuckles]

- You... You were having fun. - [cries]

Sometimes when you open up to people...

you let the bad in with the good, that's all.

[breathes deeply]

I wanna go home.

Okay.

[sad music continues]

- [groovy music playing] - [students chattering]

- So the party was that bad? - Can we please talk about something else?

Come on, you didn't have a little fun? Not even an M&M's worth of fun?

You go, girl.

- Maybe one of those brown M&Ms. - Awesome.

Jesse, is it me or is there something very...

[girl] You rock!

Since when do you rock?

[DJ] Well, well, earthquakes, straight up and listen up.

Ballots are out. Looks like Terminal Taylor's got herself

a little dark horse competition in the form of the falafel fairy herself.

And to be honest, I think the question

on every Harrison student's mind has got to be...

Who the hell would nominate me?

- Laney, just heard. Congrats. - Thanks.

- You totally deserve it. - [pagers beeping]

Me.

- [crowd chattering] - Uh-oh.

- Taylor? - 911.

- Oh, God, big deal. - She's our friend.

And things change.

[sobbing] He...

broke... up... with me!

You're kidding.

Oh, Brock Hudson! I mean, what kind of a name is that anyway?

And that dancing.

Oh my God, the dancing.

- What happened? - I don't know. I don't know.

Hey, Taylor, it's been fun. But did you honestly think

I'd leave for All-Star Road Rules still dating you?

Oh, you did?

- That's sweet. - [Kim] You wanna know what I think?

- Why not? [sobs] - You're better off without him.

You know, you guys are the best. [sobbing, blows nose]

[girl 1] Can you meet me outside the class?

[girl 2] Okay, I'll do that.

- [boy] All right, all right. Yeah. - [girl 2] See you guys.

[chattering continues]

Did I miss something?

- [rock music playing] - [boy 1] C'mon it's open!

[boy 2] All right, let's see what you got!

- [boy 1] Right here! - [boy 3] Come on! Let's go, Zack!

[boy 4] Let's go! Let's go!

♪ Liberation, transformation What did you expect? ♪

♪ What did you expect Mr. Candidate Elect? ♪

♪ Was it everything you planned By a palm tree in the sand ♪

- [boy 1] Yeah, that was so great! - [boy 2] That was awesome!

- What was up out there today, Zack? - Didn't have it, man.

- [boy 3] Oh, I know. - Maybe.

Or could it possibly be a symptom of withdrawal?

- Excuse me? - [boy 4] Yeah, I don't blame you.

Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but it has been a little while

since you've gotten any, right?

And you know something like that can really screw up

a guy's concentration.

Or maybe now you're thinking, you know, now that Taylor's free...

Whatever, Dean.

I don't know. Maybe it's the Boggster's ass you wanna tap.

- It's not about that. - Oh, hey, man, I'm not baggin'.

I mean, if you're not gonna partake, do you mind if I do?

'Cause I'm thinking she might be a great little jam.

Look, I swear to God, If you fucking touch her...

- [Preston] Goddamn it, man! - Screw you, Zack!

You know, for four years, I've watched you fool people

into thinking you're some sort of god in this place.

Well, guess what. This is one contest you're gonna lose.

You're going down, asshole.

[Jesse] I want you to take yours, put it on the wall right here.

Hygiene squad, put yours over here.

Gay students, put yours on the senior patio.

Prisoner's Club, all right.

Put it around the other side of this building.

- [boy] Yeah, I'll have one. - [girl 1] Have a latte, vote for Taylor.

- [girl 2] Sure. I'll have one. - Have a latte, vote for Taylor.

[door opens]

No one's allowed down here.

♪ Sing that song ♪

♪ And he asked me to tell you All about me ♪

This is amazing.

♪ But I'm just anyone ♪

♪ Guess I'm just anyone ♪

Is that your mom?

Yeah.

- She was an artist, too. Photography. - She's beautiful.

Yeah, well, not everything's hereditary.

How did she die?

Cancer.

Leukemia.

You wanna know the weird part about it?

I don't remember crying at all.

I remember the funeral.

And I remember afterwards everyone went to my grandma's house,

and I sat on this big green chair with Simon in my lap.

And I remember knowing...

that things were never going to be the same.

Laney, you can't keep doing this.

- Doing what? - Shutting everybody out.

- Sitting here with 19 locks on your door. - So I shut people out.

At least I make decisions, which is more than I can say for you.

- Look, I make decisions. - Oh yeah?

Where are you going to college, Zack? I was by the counselor's office yesterday.

I believe next to your name it said "undecided."

Look, there's stuff you don't understand. You don't live with my dad.

Explain it to me.

My dad went to Dartmouth.

It was the best four years of his life, so he says.

So ever since I was born...

[Zack sighs]

There's a picture of me in his office when I'm five.

We're at the zoo or someplace. I'm sitting on his shoulders

wearing a Dartmouth sweatshirt.

- So? - So it's emblematic.

I get it from him every day. "Pick a college, Zack. Pick a future."

But what he's really saying is, "Pick my college. Choose my future."

Are you listening to yourself? Do you realize how lucky you are?

You can go to Dartmouth. You can go to N.Y.U.

You can go to Borneo and study squid fishing.

The point is, you're 18,

and that's old enough to start making your own choices.

Okay, okay. Chill, Tony Robbins.

What about you?

Shouldn't you be looking in the mirror when you say some of this stuff?

Trust me. I'm working on it.

So, are you always this smart?

- Well, I have my moments so... - [chuckles]

Why did you really come here, Zack?

I forget.

[mellow music playing]

You're not just trying to get my vote for prom king, are you?

Zack?

- This whole prom thing, I... - Uh, I... I gotta run.

I kinda wanted to talk to you about it.

Yeah, but I... I have this sprinkler thing to do for my dad.

- Now? - Can I call you later?

- Sure. - All right, great.

[door unlocks]

- [door creaks open, closes] - So you made a bet.

What's she bitchin' about?

Wah, wah, wah. Huh? What's her problem?

She doesn't like her million-dollar makeover

or her overnight popularity? What is it?

No, that's not the point, man. I cared about her.

I've got to hand it to you, Taylor. Zack did exactly what you said he would.

Of course he did. I created him. Pay up.

Oh right.

La... Laney! Wait, wait!

- Wait, wait... - Wait, wait, wait. Relax, man. All right?

Besides, he did have his entertaining moments.

- Your eyes are really beautiful. - [girls laugh]

Hey, you know. Not to get, like, all mellow on ya,

but your eyes really are beautiful.

- [raunchy shrieks] - [gasps]

[rock music playing]

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

- Hey, guys. Vote for Taylor. - [boy] No way!

[Taylor] Okay. Don't vote for Taylor. Hi. You vote for Taylor.

♪ Between two girls ♪

- ♪ Which one we gonna pick? ♪ - ♪ Pick ♪

♪ I rather pick Laney 'Cause Taylor be talkin' shh... ♪

♪ She thinks she's all of that With everything in between ♪

♪ But who's about to be Prom queen? Laney! ♪

♪ Well, Taylor used to be the thing ♪

- ♪ But now she's not ♪ - ♪ Not ♪

♪ Laney's goin' for prom queen ♪

- ♪ And Taylor's hot ♪ - ♪ Hot ♪

♪ But we don't give a damn About Taylor Vaughan ♪

♪ 'Cause Taylor's fadin' out And Laney's on ♪

♪ If I could get with Laney Yo, it'd be real cool ♪

♪ With the queen by my side We'd run the whole damn school ♪

♪ But, yo keep it on the break ♪

- ♪ And I'm gonna keep this cool ♪ - ♪ Cool ♪

♪ Taylor ditched Zack For a car and a fool ♪

♪ All for the high school jock Named Brock ♪

♪ When my man Click on the beat box ♪

- [beatboxing] - ♪ Laney ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah she's all that ♪ - [applause]

- [girl] All right! - [applause continues]

- What shouldn't I eat? - Eat whatever you want.

Okay.

For your information, I was about to eat a Snack Time chip.

Snack Time owns Captain Peg-Leg Tuna

which isn't, all together now, "dolphin friendly."

- Screw the dolphins. - A guy tried that last year.

He's banned from SeaWorld for life.

What's wrong with you?

- Jesse, am I kissable? - Okay, about these chips.

I don't know, Laney. You're... you.

But maybe if I didn't know you my whole life,

- and I just met... - Fresh ground pepper?

- [Simon] Fresh ground pepper? - He must be crazy.

- Who, Simon? - Zack.

[Simon] Fresh ground pepper, anyone?

Fresh ground pepper?

What, too cold?

Whoa! [laughs]

If it isn't the little rain, rain, rain man himself.

- What's up, Semen? Huh? - State your purpose or die.

- I've got work to do. - Sure you do.

But I wanna show you something first.

You're gonna love this one.

Checkin' this out.

- [grunts] - Oh, calm down. It's all right.

[chuckles] Come on. You don't like that?

[boy] Ooh. Ooh! Look, look, look.

Oh, look at her. Ooh. What about that one?

Isn't that your mommy?

- My mom's dead. - Let him go.

Let me tell you guys what you're gonna do. You're gonna get up...

and get over there...

take your magazine...

- [girl laughs] - ...and apologize to my friend Simon here.

Sorry.

Sorry.

You, pube boy...

grab the pizza.

Well?

- What? - [chuckles]

What do you think? Hoover it.

[crowd chuckling]

- [crowd groaning in disgust] - Now!

- [boy] Dove right in! - [crowd groaning]

- [boy] He's chewin' it and everything. - That's it. Chew, chew, chew.

[gags, giggles]

Hold on. Don't finish that.

[sighs] Munge here wants a piece of the action, too.

No way, man. Those are his pubes.

Well, I guess you should've thought about that before you picked

on my friend Simon, huh?

[gagging]

Thanks.

Hoover it.

[crowd groaning]

You think this is bad?

Try messing with him again.

Everything copacetic?

Yeah. I'll take it from here.

Anybody wanna try messin' with me again?

Either of you? Both of you?

[Simon] You hear what he said? You were listening.

[indistinct chatter]

[Dean] Hey, Laney!

Listen, uh, I stopped by.

Well, look, I was... I was hoping maybe we could talk.

I know I... I don't come off as the nicest guy in the world,

but I was hopin' maybe

you could just forget about that for a second.

Because, uh, I was thinkin'... actually I was hopin'...

that... maybe we can go out sometime.

- [sighs] - And not just "out" out.

- A specific out. Like the prom, maybe? - [sarcastically] Yeah, right.

- So that's a no? - That's a hell no.

Well, that's fair. I mean, why should you say yes? Right?

I just hope this isn't about Zack, because...

Why?

Well... he doesn't care about you like that.

[Dean] He told everybody he still has this thing for Taylor.

But I don't know. I mean, maybe I got it all wrong.

Has the guy asked you to the prom?

Well, just... Just head's up, okay?

I mean, there's no sense in gettin' hurt for no reason.

Oh yeah, and, Laney?

Think about the prom some more.

'Cause, uh, we'd have an okay time, I think.

I'll see ya.

[upbeat music playing]

- Dad. - You wanna explain this to me?

Aw, could we talk about this...

Have you got any idea how much you are jeopardizing your future?

Half of these acceptance deadlines have lapsed!

It's not that easy, Dad. I'm not like you. I just can't pick a letter out of a stack.

Of course you can. That's what being an adult is all about.

- Making choices. - Really?

- Yeah. - What about your choices, Dad?

- This is not about me. - Aw, come on.

Look, you're never home. You're pissed off half the time!

That's enough!

Look, I'm sorry. But you can't fix your mistakes through me.

Is that what you think I'm doing?

Well, I'm sorry, but that was never my intention.

And blaming me isn't going to change the fact...

that the future is going to happen, whether you are ready for it or not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome to the homestretch, earthquakes.

A special shout out to all my seniors.

Just two weeks left

till the time-honored combination of crepe paper, cleavage... [chuckles]

...and crystal. Prom. You know what I'm talkin' about.

And, speaking of the big night,

word has it the recent support of Simon's big sister

has left the prom queen race tighter than those little dresses

Taylor's been wearing around campus. [chuckles] So vote early, vote often.

Here's a little, uh, campaign music for you.

[upbeat music playing]

Aw, come on, hon. In the name of sportsmanship.

- [photographer] Big smile. Great. - [camera shutter clicking]

[scoffs] Oh, out of my way, fool.

- I think I touched her boob! - [boy giggles]

Top of the stairs. Thanks.

- Zack? - What do you want, Taylor?

Well, I was trying on this little Richard Tyler dress the other day,

and I remembered that we haven't finalized our plans.

- What plans? - For the prom, silly.

I mean, we said we'd always go together, right?

Even if we were just friends?

What happened to Lord of the Dance?

That is so over. I mean, God, don't even get me started.

Actually, Taylor, I had other plans in mind.

Oh? You're not talking about Laney Boggs, are you?

What if I am?

Well, if I'm not mistaken, Zack, she's already taken.

[Dean] So what, you put all this together?

- [Laney] Yeah, what do you think? - I think it can be really cool.

- Well, this goes up here. - [Dean chuckles]

- Dean? - [Laney] It definitely lights...

What the hell are you trying to pull?

- Well, it's nice to see you too, brother. - Did he ask you to the prom?

- Yes, I did. - I...

It's bullshit!

Wait, wait. Someone asking me is bullshit?

- I thought we were going together. - All right, Zack, enough's enough.

This isn't cool anymore. I like this girl. And you gotta stop this whole bet thing.

- Bet? - Yeah. It was so stupid, Laney.

Zack said he could make any girl prom queen.

And you were the one picked.

So he thinks that if he takes you to the prom it'll help you win.

People have feelings, man.

Is that true?

Am I a bet? Am I a bet? Am I a fucking bet?

Yes.

[Zack breathes heavily]

You didn't think you became popular for real, did you?

Oh, you did. That's so sweet.

Pick me up at 8:00, lover.

- [footsteps receding] - [crowd chattering]

- ♪ You walked in just like smoke ♪ - [phone ringing]

♪ With a little Come on, come on, come on ♪

- [ringing continues] - ♪ In your walk, come on ♪

♪ I been waitin' Are you waitin' for my move ♪

♪ Well, I'm makin' it Mm, mmm ♪

- [dialing] - ♪ Mm ♪

Laney, are you there?

Laney, I know I made a mistake,

but I've been doin' some thinking, and if I could just get, like...

Stop calling, asshole.

♪ If I can get with you Will you let me take you ♪

Wrong number.

♪ I'll be down on my knees Screamin', take me ♪

♪ Take me, take me, take me ♪

♪ I'm yours ♪

♪ I never felt so good... ♪

Fridge is kind of empty.

I'm gonna go to the store later if you need anything.

Sounds good.

[sighs]

Did you know that some people think being a pool man

is not a very respectable way to earn a living?

- People suck, Dad. - I don't get it, personally.

I own my own company and my own home,

put food on the table.

Granted, you and Simon help out.

We're a team.

Right.

Maybe this team thing is helping to create confusion

as to who the real parent is around here.

What do you mean, Dad?

[sighs] Well, you know I appreciate everything you do, pumpkin-nose.

It's just that sometimes I think you take on so much

so you don't have to deal with the business of being a kid.

I can't imagine being 17 is easy, especially with your mom not around.

I'm just afraid that if you keep putting off your life like this...

you're gonna wake up 85 years old,

sittin' on a porch somewhere lookin' for your teeth.

Thanks, Dad. That was, uh, graphic.

[sighs]

Don't you have a... a prom or something to go to tonight?

- Ah, I'm not going. - Oh, you're not. Huh.

- What, do you got laundry to do? - Worse. I don't have a date.

No date?

See, now, that's weird,

because I'm pretty sure there's a handsome young man

actually upstairs at the front door waiting for you now.

[instrumental music playing]

Have fun, Laney. And...

for you, not for someone else.

Hi, Laney.

Like, uh... you don't trust me, and I respect that.

But just look at it this way,

I didn't ask anyone else

on the chance that I'd come here tonight

and you'd say yes.

I mean, that's gotta count for something. Right?

[chuckles] You don't even have to change if you don't want to.

[both laugh]

- Are you ready, Miss Siler? - Yes, I am, Mr. Siler.

♪ With the little come on... ♪

- ♪ Come on, come on... ♪ - I really screwed this one up, huh?

- ♪ In your walk, come on ♪ - Don't worry. She'll be there.

♪ I've been waitin' Are you waitin'? ♪

♪ For my move Well, I'm makin' it ♪

♪ Mm ♪

[rock music playing]

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

Will you leave it alone?

No, I won't leave it alone. Did you know about this?

- Well, you're the one who nominated her. - For crying out loud, smile!

- [camera shutter clicks] - [photographer] Next.

[Katie] Okay, I know I nominated her, but I don't understand...

All right. Big, gaping smiles, both of you. And...

I'll take that.

- [camera shutter clicks] - [groans]

Ah, there's a memory. Next.

- [photographer] Make like you're happy. - [camera shutter clicks]

- Beautiful. - Derek!

[rock music continues]

Why don't you find her and cut in?

["The Rockafeller Skank" playing]

♪ The funk soul brother Check it out now ♪

♪ The funk soul brother, let it out now ♪

♪ The funk soul brother let it out now Let it out now ♪

[DJ] Yeah, yeah, yeah, earthquakes!

Right about now, we're gonna do that dance I taught you.

- And I know you've been practicin'. - I forgive you. Let's dance.

All right. Show me now!

♪ Check it out now The funk soul brother ♪

[DJ] Right about now. Come on, come on.

- ♪ Right about now ♪ - [DJ cheers]

♪ The funk soul brother Check it out now ♪

All right, dance club, let me see what you got!

Come on!

[song continues]

Okay, everybody, split like the Red Sea. We're goin' down the lines. Come on!

Come on. Down the lines. Come on. Come on.

Shake it! Shake it! Shake it!

- [dancers cheer] - ♪ Right about now... ♪

♪ The funk soul brother, right about... ♪

- Punch it! - ♪ Right about now ♪

♪ The funk soul brother Check it out now ♪

- ♪ The funk soul brother ♪ - [both grunt]

All right, fellas. Take it!

♪ The funk soul brother Check it out now ♪

♪ The funk soul brother Let it drop now ♪

♪ The funk soul brother Check it out now ♪

[DJ] All right, ladies. Shake it!

[song continues]

♪ Right about now The funk soul brother ♪

♪ Check it out now The funk soul brother ♪

All right. Everybody in the center. Get it, get it! Come on!

- ♪ The funk soul brother ♪ - [DJ] Yeah!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah Check it, shake it, check it, shake it ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah Check it, shake it ♪

- [DJ] Yeah! - ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Check it, shake it, check it, shake it ♪

- [DJ] Right about now! - ♪ The funk soul brother ♪

[DJ] Put your hands together. Come on. Give it up.

Woo! Come on, give it. Is that all you got? Come on. Give it up!

[all applauding]

[mellow music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Good song.

- It's my favorite. - It's my favorite.

I'm Jesse Jackson. I'm not a good dancer.

I'm Mack. I go to school with 500 chicks.

- I'll be back in one minute. - [mellow music continues]

Laney! I wanted you to know. Your final project,

that picture of your mother, extremely moving.

Maybe the best piece that I have seen all year from anyone.

At least that's what I told

all of your art schools when I faxed them last Monday.

You're kidding.

I have spent four years trying to open you up, Laney Boggs.

Whatever's responsible for this change, don't let it go.

[mellow music continues]

All right, boys. Check it out.

Room number 409 is about to become a historical landmark.

[chuckles] Why, are you getting murdered there later?

No, man. I'm this close to closing the deal.

She's eating up every word I say.

I don't know, Dean. I feel a bet coming on,

but I'm gonna have to resist.

Laney Boggs is not gonna give you any. [scoffs]

Hey, man. Tonight is the night.

- [chuckles] Yeah, right. - [door opens]

I shelled out 300 bucks for this room!

Tonight is definitely my night.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

[door unlocks]

[upbeat music playing]

- [panting] Mack... Mack... - What?

- [panting] - Yeah, what?

[upbeat music continues]

[indistinct chatter]

- [upbeat music cuts out] - [crowd continues chattering]

[microphone feedback]

[principal clears throat] Uh, people?

Attention, Harrison students. People. We're gonna start, people.

I'll begin the presentation with, uh, the announcement of your 1999 prom king.

[audience] Yeah!

[principal] Well, it's no surprise here. Zack Siler!

[crowd cheering]

And now for your 1999 prom queen. [clears throat]

In the closest vote in the school's history...

- [inhales deeply] - ...54 percent to 46 percent.

Your 1999 prom queen is...

[mouthing] Taylor Vaughan.

[principal] Taylor Vaughan!

- [crowd applauding] - [crowd booing]

Zack!

[crowd cheering and booing]

It should have been you up there.

I think the right person won.

[crowd hooting]

- Zack! - You wanna get outta here?

Yeah.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

- [principal] Zack, say a few words. - Excuse me, excuse me.

Excuse me, pardon me.

[girl] I voted for you, Laney.

[girls cheering]

[Zack] You know, for a lot of us, this is as good as it gets.

We aced the test, made the big shot...

[man] Right, Zack.

...got a crown.

[coughing in the crowd]

- But the truth is... - Excuse me, excuse me.

- ...we're just getting started. - [whispering] Zack!

- We can be anything we wanna be. - [Jesse] Zack!

- And I don't know about the rest of you... - [Jesse] Zack, over here! [panting]

...but I'm hopin' I never forget that.

Zack!

- [scoffs] - [softly] Zack!

- [Taylor] Hello. Can you hear me? - [Mack] C'mon!

- [panting] I was... - Tell... tell him!

Okay. First of all,

I'd just like to thank all of you who voted for me.

- [crowd cheering] - Okay? You did the right thing.

As for the rest of you...

- [microphone shuts off] - Okay, what were you thinking?

[pants heavily] Dean... The key...

- Say it. - A ho... A hotel...

He's taking Laney somewhere.

Room 409!

[Taylor] This isn't funny anymore! Who turned this thing off?

[upbeat music playing]

Yeah, Beverly Hills Hotel?

Yeah, do you have a Dean Sampson registered in room 409?

Do you have a room 409?

- Shit. - [dialing]

[upbeat music continues]

[Zack] Yeah. Sunset Marquee, please.

And that is the kidney-shaped pool.

- Hello? - Hm?

If you're gonna help me out this summer,

you're gonna have to know this stuff.

Okay? What... What shape is that?

- Kidney? - Thank you.

[Wayne] We've had a lot of different shapes and sizes over the years.

Hey, pumpkin-nose, how did it go?

Fine. You were right. I did have fun.

Well, hey, uh, come here a second, will ya?

I don't know, Dad. I'd really just rather go upstairs and...

Okay. Well, I gotta get up pretty early.

We're getting up early to, uh, install a spa.

So, we'll head to bed now.

If you two wanna talk, maybe you can go in the backyard, hmm?

- Sure, Dad. - Good night.

Listen, Zack. Uh, sorry about that whole asshole thing.

It's cool.

Are you all right?

Jesse told me he heard Dean talking about how he wanted to...

I just figured it out a little late is all.

You know, sexual harassment is still a big issue these days.

It's on my walls downstairs.

That's...

why I carry this.

You push a little button, and it makes a noise like a foghorn.

You can hear it about half a mile away.

I put it up to his ear.

I just hope it doesn't cause any permanent damage.

[chuckles softly]

- [soft instrumental music playing] - [crickets chirping]

So how long have you been here anyway?

A while.

- You missed your prom? - Yeah.

[sighs] You know, I made that bet before I knew you, Laney.

Before I really knew me.

What was it for anyway? I mean, what did you end up losing?

My best friend.

She taught me a lot.

Before her...

I thought we had to have all the answers right now.

And now?

I'm kind of liking the fact that I don't.

So... can I have the last dance?

No.

You can have the first.

[soft romantic music playing]

I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

You know, except for that whole hooker thing.

So... what now?

I don't know. Art school. You?

I've been kind of thinking about art school myself.

- Art? - Yeah.

You don't take art.

Yeah, but I'm thinkin' more along the lines of performance art.

Be silent, be still. Be silent...

- Zack. - What?

Shut up.

[upbeat music playing]

- [Laney] Zack? - [Zack] What?

- [Laney] About the bet. - [Zack] Yeah.

- [Laney] What were the terms, anyway? - [Zack] You'll see.

I never back out on a bet.

[principal] Darius Payne Oakes.

Jason Shepard Oakman.

Mariah Kamal Preminger. Kenneth Wayne Ralph.

Emily Roscoe. Derek "Funkhouser" Rutley.

Jeffrey Munge Rylander. Colin Rysendorf.

Heather Blayne Salazar. Salmoon Sakajahari.

Dean Sampson, Junior.

Dean Sampson, Junior.

- What? - They're calling you.

- Huh? - [principal] Dean Sampson, Junior?

- Oh. - [principal] Alex Chasen Sawyer.

Rainwater Sky Sebastian. Casey Constance Shea.

Zachary Siler.

- [all laugh] - ["Kiss Me" playing]

♪ Kiss me Beneath the milky twilight ♪

♪ Lead me out on the moonlit floor ♪

♪ Lift your open hand ♪

♪ Strike up the band And make the fireflies dance ♪

♪ Silver moon sparkling ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

- ["Prophecy" playing] - ♪ Consider this a sign ♪

♪ This is a train in the night ♪

♪ And now it's time for you to go ♪

♪ You know you had a healthy life, boy ♪

♪ You walk this world Like you're a ghost ♪

♪ Your arms are comin' Through the needles ♪

♪ Sick of your tragic and the evils ♪

♪ I am the keeper of The songs of everyone ♪

♪ Look into the sun And see your soul is dyin' ♪

♪ Used to feel the faith but Now you're tired of tryin' ♪

♪ Should have left alone What you have stolen from everyone ♪

♪ How are you feeling? Seems a little sick to me now ♪

♪ This is a coming of the times ♪

♪ You are a witness to the movement ♪

♪ If all you're seein' is lies ♪

♪ You had your chance But now you've blown it ♪

♪ You want this world So you can own them ♪

♪ I am the keeper of The songs of everyone ♪

♪ Look into the sun And see your soul is dyin' ♪

♪ Used to feel the faith But now you're tired of tryin' ♪

♪ Should have left alone What you have stolen from everyone ♪

♪ How are you feeling? Seems a little sick to me ♪

♪ From the light on high A chance to change your fate ♪

♪ Forgiveness fallin' down On those who chose to wait ♪

♪ Remember the time And find yourself home again ♪

♪ Deep within your life Find yourself home again ♪

♪ Find yourself home again It's a choice ♪

♪ You have chosen your own ♪

♪ It's like I told you Like the questions in life ♪

♪ Have to raise a milestone To lead us home tonight ♪

♪ Look into the sun And see your soul is dyin'

♪ Used to feel the faith But now you're tired of tryin' ♪